I've been a critical care EMT for the past seven years in Suffolk County, New York. I've been a first responder in a number of incidents ranging from car accidents to Hurricane Sandy.
Tehničar sam hitne pomoći proteklih sedam godina u Suffolk Country, New York. Bio sam prvi na mjestu brojnih nesreća od automobilskih nesreća do uragana Sandy.
If you are like most people, death might be one of your greatest fears. Some of us will see it coming. Some of us won't. There is a little-known documented medical term called impending doom. It's almost a symptom. As a medical provider, I'm trained to respond to this symptom like any other, so when a patient having a heart attack looks at me and says, "I'm going to die today," we are trained to reevaluate the patient's condition.
Ako ste kao većina ljudi, smrt bi mogla biti jedan od vaših najvećih strahova. Neki će biti spremni kada dođe. A neki ne. Postoji slabo poznat dokumentirani medicinski izraz koji se zove nadolazeća propast. To je gotovo simptom. Kao zdravstveni djelatnik, naučen sam reagirati na ovaj simptom kao bilo koji drugi, te kada pacijent ima srčani udar i gleda u mene i kaže: „Umrijet ću danas.“, obučeni smo ponovno razmotriti stanje pacijenta.
Throughout my career, I have responded to a number of incidents where the patient had minutes left to live and there was nothing I could do for them. With this, I was faced with a dilemma: Do I tell the dying that they are about to face death, or do I lie to them to comfort them? Early in my career, I faced this dilemma by simply lying. I was afraid. I was afraid if I told them the truth, that they would die in terror, in fear, just grasping for those last moments of life.
Tijekom moje karijere, odgovorio sam na brojne nesreće u kojima su pacijentu ostale samo minute života i ništa nisam mogao učiniti za njega. Uz to, bio sam suočen s dilemom: Trebam li reći umirućem da će uskoro umrijeti, ili lagati kako bih ga utješio? U početku karijere, riješio sam dilemu tako što sam lagao. Bio sam uplašen. Bio sam uplašen da ako im kažem istinu da će umrijeti u očaju, strahu, boreći se za preostale minute svoga života.
That all changed with one incident. Five years ago, I responded to a motorcycle accident. The rider had suffered critical, critical injuries. As I assessed him, I realized that there was nothing that could be done for him, and like so many other cases, he looked me in the eye and asked that question: "Am I going to die?" In that moment, I decided to do something different. I decided to tell him the truth. I decided to tell him that he was going to die and that there was nothing I could do for him. His reaction shocked me to this day. He simply laid back and had a look of acceptance on his face. He was not met with that terror or fear that I thought he would be. He simply laid there, and as I looked into his eyes, I saw inner peace and acceptance. From that moment forward, I decided it was not my place to comfort the dying with my lies. Having responded to many cases since then where patients were in their last moments and there was nothing I could do for them, in almost every case, they have all had the same reaction to the truth, of inner peace and acceptance. In fact, there are three patterns I have observed in all these cases.
Sve se promijenilo nakon jedne nesreće. Prije pet godina, odazvao sam se motociklističkoj nesreći. Vozač je pretrpio vrlo kritične ozljede. Dok sam ga pregledavao shvatio sam da ne postoji ništa što mogu učiniti za njega, i kao u većini slučajeva, pogledao me u oči i upitao ono pitanje: „Hoću li umrijeti?“ U tom trenutku, odlučio sam učiniti nešto drugačije. Odlučio sam mu reći istinu. Odlučio sam mu reći da će umrijeti i da više ništa ne mogu učiniti za njega. Njegova reakcija me šokirala. On je ostao ležati i pogledao me s prihvaćanjem na licu. Nije očajavao niti se plašio kako sam ja mislio. Jednostavno je ležao i kada sam ga pogledao u oči ugledao sam unutarnji mir i prihvaćanje. Od tog trenutka nadalje, odlučio sam da nije na meni da tješim umiruće svojim lažima. Od tada sam sudjelovao u mnogo slučajeva gdje su pacijenti proživljavali posljednje trenutke i nije postojalo ništa što sam mogao učiniti, u gotovo svakom slučaju svi su imali jednaku reakciju na istinu, unutarnji mir i prihvaćanje. Zapravo postoje tri obrasca koja sam uočio u svim slučajevima.
The first pattern always kind of shocked me. Regardless of religious belief or cultural background, there's a need for forgiveness. Whether they call it sin or they simply say they have a regret, their guilt is universal. I had once cared for an elderly gentleman who was having a massive heart attack. As I prepared myself and my equipment for his imminent cardiac arrest, I began to tell the patient of his imminent demise. He already knew by my tone of voice and body language. As I placed the defibrillator pads on his chest, prepping for what was going to happen, he looked me in the eye and said, "I wish I had spent more time with my children and grandchildren instead of being selfish with my time." Faced with imminent death, all he wanted was forgiveness.
Prvi me obrazac uvijek zapanji. Bez obzira na vjerska uvjerenja ili kulturnu podlogu postoji potreba za praštanjem. Bilo da to zovu grijehom ili samo kažu da se kaju, krivnja je univerzalna. Jednom sam se brinuo za starijeg gospodina koji je imao masivan srčani udar. Dok sam pripremao sebe i opremu za njegov predstojeći srčani udar, počeo sam pričati pacijentu o neizbježnoj smrti. Odmah je znao po tonu moga glasa i ponašanju. Kako sam postavljao defibrilator na njegova prsa, pripremajući se za ono što će se dogoditi, pogledao me u oči i rekao, „Da sam barem proveo više vremena sa svojom djecom i unucima umjesto što sam škrtario svojim vremenom.“ Suočen s neizbježnom smrću, sve što je želio bio je oprost.
The second pattern I observe is the need for remembrance. Whether it was to be remembered in my thoughts or their loved ones', they needed to feel that they would be living on. There's a need for immortality within the hearts and thoughts of their loved ones, myself, my crew, or anyone around. Countless times, I have had a patient look me in the eyes and say, "Will you remember me?"
Drugi obrazac koji sam uočio je potreba za sjećanjem. Bilo da je to uspomena u mojim mislima ili njihovih voljenih, trebali su osjećaj da će živjeti i dalje. Postoji potreba za besmrtnošću u srcima i mslima njihovh voljenih, mene, moje ekipe ili bilo koga. Bezbroj puta, imao sam pacijenta koji bi me pogledao u oči i rekao, „Hoćeš li me se sjećati?“
The final pattern I observe always touched me the deepest, to the soul. The dying need to know that their life had meaning. They need to know that they did not waste their life on meaningless tasks.
Posljednji obrazac koji sam uočio uvijek me dirnuo najdublje, u dušu. Umirući ima potrebu znati da je njegov život imao smisao. Žele znati da nisu potrošili svoj život uzalud na besmislice.
This came to me very, very early in my career. I had responded to a call. There was a female in her late 50s severely pinned within a vehicle. She had been t-boned at a high rate of speed, critical, critical condition. As the fire department worked to remove her from the car, I climbed in to begin to render care. As we talked, she had said to me, "There was so much more I wanted to do with my life." She had felt she had not left her mark on this Earth. As we talked further, it would turn out that she was a mother of two adopted children who were both on their way to medical school. Because of her, two children had a chance they never would have had otherwise and would go on to save lives in the medical field as medical doctors. It would end up taking 45 minutes to free her from the vehicle. However, she perished prior to freeing her.
Ovo mi se dogodilo vrlo rano u mojoj karijeri. Odgovorio sam na poziv. Bila je to žena u kasnim pedesetima ozbiljno priklještena u vozilu. Bila je udarena sa strane u velikoj brzini, vrlo kritično stanje. Dok su vatrogasci pokušavali izvući ju iz auta, ušao sam unutra kako bih pružio pomoć. Dok smo razgovarali, rekla mi je, „Toliko je toga što sam željela učiniti u životu.“ Osjećala se kao da nije ostavila traga na Zemlji. Kako smo pričali dalje, ispostavilo se da je majka dvoje posvojene djece koji su se pripremali za medicinski fakultet. Zbog nje, dvoje djece imlao je priliku koju ne bi imali inače i nastavit će spašavati živote u zdravstvenom polju kao doktori medicine. Bilo je potrebno 45 minuta da ju izvučemo iz vozila. Ali ona je stradala prije nego što smo je izvukli.
I believed what you saw in the movies: when you're in those last moments that it's strictly terror, fear. I have come to realize, regardless of the circumstance, it's generally met with peace and acceptance, that it's the littlest things, the littlest moments, the littlest things you brought into the world that give you peace in those final moments.
Vjerovao sam da ono što vidimo u filmovima: kada si u zadnjim trenutcima života postoje samo očaj i strah. Došao sam do zaključka, da se bez obzira na okolnosti, općenito susrećemo s mirom i prihvaćanjem, da su najmanje stvari, najmanji trenutci, najmanje stvari koje si učinio u životu te koje nam donose mir u tim posljednjim trenutcima.
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)