Today I stand before you as a man who lives life to the full in the here and now. But for a long time, I lived for death.
今天我以能在此時此刻 徹底享受人生的身分 站在你們面前。 但曾有很長一段期間, 我為死亡而活。
I was a young man who believed that jihad is to be understood in the language of force and violence. I tried to right wrongs through power and aggression. I had deep concerns for the suffering of others and a strong desire to help and bring relief to them. I thought violent jihad was noble, chivalrous and the best way to help.
我年少時相信 所謂聖戰即代表了武力及暴力。 我試著透過力量和侵略 修正他人的錯誤。 我深切地關心正在受苦受難的旁人, 並強烈地想幫助他們解脫。 我認為暴力性的聖戰 是一種高貴、 驍勇的行為, 也是幫助他人的最佳解藥。
At a time when so many of our people -- young people especially -- are at risk of radicalization through groups like al-Qaeda, Islamic State and others, when these groups are claiming that their horrific brutality and violence are true jihad, I want to say that their idea of jihad is wrong -- completely wrong -- as was mine, then.
在我們族群之中很多人── 特別是年輕人── 透過像是蓋達、 伊斯蘭國或其他組織, 因而處在激進化的邊緣, 當這些組織聲稱 他們的暴行才是真正的聖戰之時, 我得說他們對聖戰 這兩個字的概念有誤── 大錯特錯── 就像是那時的我所認為的一樣。
Jihad means to strive to one's utmost. It includes exertion and spirituality, self-purification and devotion. It refers to positive transformation through learning, wisdom and remembrance of God. The word jihad stands for all those meanings as a whole. Jihad may at times take the form of fighting, but only sometimes, under strict conditions, within rules and limits.
聖戰代表要盡一個人的全力。 這包含了各層面的功修、 自我淨化, 以及奉獻精神。 聖戰代表了透過學習、智慧 和紀念真主的正向轉型。 聖戰這一詞概括了前述的所有概念。 聖戰有時的確透過打鬥的形式, 但只是有時候, 存在於嚴格的條件、 規則與限制之下。
In Islam, the benefit of an act must outweigh the harm or hardship it entails. More importantly, the verses in the Koran that are connected to jihad or fighting do not cancel out the verses that talk about forgiveness, benevolence or patience.
伊斯蘭教相信, 一個行為帶來的好處, 必須大於其將帶來的傷害。 更重要的是, 可蘭經中對於聖戰或打鬥的描述, 不能抵消經文中對於饒恕、 仁愛、 以及耐心的價值。
But now I believe that there are no circumstances on earth where violent jihad is permissible, because it will lead to greater harm. But now the idea of jihad has been hijacked. It has been perverted to mean violent struggle wherever Muslims are undergoing difficulties, and turned into terrorism by fascistic Islamists like al-Qaeda, Islamic State and others. But I have come to understand that true jihad means striving to the utmost to strengthen and live those qualities which God loves: honesty, trustworthiness, compassion, benevolence, reliability, respect, truthfulness -- human values that so many of us share.
現在我相信地球上沒有任何地方 會允許暴力性的聖戰, 因為這只會帶來更大的傷害。 但如今聖戰的定義被劫持去了。 它反常地代表了暴力性的鬥爭: 每當穆斯林遇到困難, 就會因為像是蓋達、 伊斯蘭國等法西斯伊斯蘭教徒 而變成恐怖份子。 但我現在瞭解了, 真正的聖戰代表了盡全力 加強並活出真主所喜愛的特質: 正直、信賴、 同情、仁愛、 可靠、尊重、 和真誠── 這都是眾人所共享的價值觀。
I was born in Bangladesh, but grew up mostly in England. And I went to school here. My father was an academic, and we were in the UK through his work.
我出生於孟加拉, 但多數時間在英國長大。 也在這裡就學。 我父親是位學者, 我們因為他的工作來到英國。
In 1971 we were in Bangladesh when everything changed. The War of Independence impacted upon us terribly, pitting family against family, neighbor against neighbor. And at the age of 12 I experienced war, destitution in my family, the deaths of 22 of my relatives in horrible ways, as well as the murder of my elder brother. I witnessed killing ... animals feeding on corpses in the streets, starvation all around me, wanton, horrific violence -- senseless violence. I was a young man, teenager, fascinated by ideas. I wanted to learn, but I could not go to school for four years.
1971 年我們在孟加拉, 一切風雲變色。 獨立戰爭嚴重衝擊我們, 造成家家對立, 鄰里反目成仇。 我 12 歲時就經歷了戰爭、 家道中落、 22 位親戚慘死, 同時我哥哥被謀殺。 我見證了殺戮… 動物啃食街道上的屍體, 大家莫不飢餓難耐, 還有可怕的暴行肆虐—— 無謂的暴行。 我那時還年輕, 為各種想法著迷。 我想學習, 但我整整 4 年無法就學。
After the War of Independence, my father was put in prison for two and a half years, and I used to visit him every week in prison, and homeschooled myself. My father was released in 1973 and he fled to England as a refugee, and we soon followed him. I was 17.
獨立戰爭之後, 我父親坐了兩年半的牢。 我每個禮拜都去探監, 並在家自學。 我父親於 1973 年被釋放, 他以難民的身分逃去英國, 我們之後也跟著他去。 我那年 17 歲。
So these experiences gave me a sharp awareness of the atrocities and injustices in the world. And I had a strong desire -- a very keen, deep desire -- to right wrongs and help the victims of oppression.
這些經驗 讓我清楚地意識到 世界上的暴行和不公不義。 而我產生強烈的慾望── 深至心坎的強烈慾望── 要修正錯誤, 並幫助受壓迫的人們。
While studying at college in the UK, I met others who showed me how I could channel that desire and help through my religion. And I was radicalized -- enough to consider violence correct, even a virtue under certain circumstances.
當我在英國讀大學時, 我遇到了能教我實現願望的人, 他們將透過我的信仰幫忙。 而我就被激進化了── 這足以將暴力合理化, 在一些情況下, 甚至認為這是種美德。
So I became involved in the jihad in Afghanistan. I wanted to protect the Muslim Afghan population against the Soviet army. And I thought that was jihad: my sacred duty, which would be rewarded by God.
所以我參加了在阿富汗的聖戰。 我想保護阿富汗的穆斯林人口 對抗蘇聯軍隊。 我認為這就是聖戰: 我的天職, 將為真主所讚揚。
I became a preacher. I was one of the pioneers of violent jihad in the UK. I recruited, I raised funds, I trained. I confused true jihad with this perversion as presented by the fascist Islamists -- these people who use the idea of jihad to justify their lust for power, authority and control on earth: a perversion perpetuated today by fascist Islamist groups like al-Qaeda, Islamic State and others.
我成了傳教者。 我是英國暴力聖戰的先鋒。 我招募、 我集資、我訓練。 我將真正的聖戰, 和法西斯伊斯蘭教徒 所提出的偏差聖戰搞混了。 這些人假聖戰之名 將他們對一統天下的慾望合理化: 這種偏差思想 被激進伊斯蘭組織延續至今, 像是蓋達、伊斯蘭國等。
For a period of around 15 years, I fought for short periods of time in Kashmir and Burma, besides Afghanistan. Our aim was to remove the invaders, to bring relief to the oppressed victims and of course to establish an Islamic state, a caliphate for God's rule. And I did this openly. I didn't break any laws. I was proud and grateful to be British -- I still am. And I bore no hostility against this, my country, nor enmity towards the non-Muslim citizens, and I still don't.
大概有 15 年的時間, 我除了在阿富汗, 還在喀什米爾和緬甸 做短暫的攻擊。 我們的目標是驅除侵略者, 解放受壓迫的人, 當然還有建立伊斯蘭版圖, 一個由真主統治的哈里發國。 我公開地做這些事。 我沒犯任何一條法律。 我以身為英國人為榮── 至今我仍然如此。 過去我對這裡, 對我的國家沒有敵意, 對非穆斯林也沒有敵意, 我現在還是沒有。
During one battle in Afghanistan, some British men and I formed a special bond with a 15-year-old Afghani boy, Abdullah, an innocent, loving and lovable kid who was always eager to please. He was poor. And boys like him did menial tasks in the camp. And he seemed happy enough, but I couldn't help wonder -- his parents must have missed him dearly. And they must have dreamt about a better future for him. A victim of circumstance caught up in a war, cruelly thrust upon him by the cruel circumstances of the time.
在阿富汗的一次打鬥當中, 我和一些英國人 對一位 15 歲的阿富汗男孩 產生了特別的連結。 他叫阿布杜拉, 是個純真、討喜的孩子, 永遠都是那麼願意提供協助。 他很窮。 像他一樣的男孩在營區 都負責卑微的工作, 但他看起來心滿意足, 但我不禁想到 他的家長一定非常想念他。 他們也一定曾為他 夢想過更好的未來。 這是戰爭下的受害者, 殘酷的社會條件 無情地襲擊至他身上。
One day I picked up this unexploded mortar shell in a trench, and I had it deposited in a makeshift mud hut lab. And I went out on a short, pointless skirmish -- always pointless, And I came back a few hours later to discover he was dead. He had tried to recover explosives from that shell. It exploded, and he died a violent death, blown to bits by the very same device that had proved harmless to me. So I started to question. How did his death serve any purpose? Why did he die and I lived?
一天我在壕溝撿起 一個未爆的迫擊砲彈, 並將之放在一個 臨時搭建的土屋實驗室, 然後就出去打一場 毫無意義的小戰鬥── 爭鬥一直以來都毫無意義── 幾個小時後我回來,男孩已經死了。 他試圖取出裡面的炸藥, 然後就被炸死了, 被我認為無害的那個裝置 炸得灰飛煙滅。 我開始問, 他的死有任何意義嗎? 為什麼他死了我卻活了下來?
I carried on. I fought in Kashmir. I also recruited for the Philippines, Bosnia and Chechnya. And the questions grew.
日子繼續下去。 我在喀什米爾打仗。 我也為菲律賓、 波士尼亞和車臣招募新成員。 然而疑問愈來愈多。
Later in Burma, I came across Rohingya fighters, who were barely teenagers, born and brought up in the jungle, carrying machine guns and grenade launchers. I met two 13-year-olds with soft manners and gentle voices. Looking at me, they begged me to take them away to England. They simply wanted to go to school -- that was their dream. My family -- my children of the same age -- were living at home in the UK, going to school, living a safe life. And I couldn't help wonder how much these young boys must have spoken to one another about their dreams for such a life. Victims of circumstances: these two young boys, sleeping rough on the ground, looking up at the stars, cynically exploited by their leaders for their personal lust for glory and power.
之後在緬甸, 我遇到羅興亞人戰士, 他們幾乎都是青少年, 在叢林裡長大成人, 他們帶著機槍和手榴彈。 我遇到兩個 13 歲, 彬彬有禮、口氣平順的孩子。 他們看著我, 求我帶他們去英國。 他們只是單純地想上學── 這對他們來說是夢想。 我的家人── 跟他們同齡的小孩── 都住在英國, 正常就學, 生活安穩。 我不禁納悶, 有多少這樣的男孩,得跟其他人 表露他們對這種生活的渴望。 時局下的受害者: 這兩個男孩, 躺在粗糙的地上,仰望繁星, 被他們的領導者肆無忌憚的利用, 只為了滿足他們 對權力和虛榮的慾望。
I soon witnessed boys like them killing one another in conflicts between rival groups. And it was the same everywhere ... Afghanistan, Kashmir, Burma, Philippines, Chechnya; petty warlords got the young and vulnerable to kill one another in the name of jihad. Muslims against Muslims. Not protecting anyone against invaders or occupiers; not bringing relief to the oppressed. Children being used, cynically exploited; people dying in conflicts which I was supporting in the name of jihad. And it still carries on today.
我不久就見到這些男孩 因為敵對群體的紛爭自相殘殺。 而且到處都一樣── 阿富汗、喀什米爾、緬甸 菲律賓、車臣; 小軍閥讓年輕人和弱勢者 以聖戰之名自相殘殺。 穆斯林對抗穆斯林。 既不是對抗入侵者或占領者; 也沒有解救受壓迫的人民。 小孩被利用, 肆無忌憚的剝削; 人們死於衝突, 而我以聖戰之名支援這些紛爭。 時至今日這些情況還是存在。
Realizing that the violent jihad I had engaged in abroad was so different -- such a chasm between what I had experienced and what I thought was sacred duty -- I had to reflect on my activities here in the UK. I had to consider my preaching, recruiting, fund-raising, training, but most importantly, radicalizing -- sending young people to fight and die as I was doing -- all totally wrong.
我驚覺到我在海外 所參與的暴力聖戰, 跟我內心所想的完全不同。 我所經歷的,和我認為的神聖天職 有極大的斷層。 我得反思我在英國這裡的行為。 我得承認我的傳教、 招募、集資、 訓練, 還有最重要的,激進化── 也就是送年輕人去戰死 這些事── 大錯特錯。
So I got involved in violent jihad in the mid '80s, starting with Afghanistan. And by the time I finished it was in the year 2000. I was completely immersed in it. All around me people supported, applauded, even celebrated what we were doing in their name. But by the time I learned to get out, completely disillusioned in the year 2000, 15 years had passed.
我在 80 年代中期參與暴力聖戰, 從阿富汗發跡, 而這一切止於 2000 年。 我那時沉浸在聖戰之中。 我身邊的人都支持我、 贊同我、 甚至慶祝我們的所作所為。 但當我覺醒時, 在 2000 年徹底幻滅時, 已經 15 年過去了。
So what goes wrong? We were so busy talking about virtue, and we were blinded by a cause. And we did not give ourselves a chance to develop a virtuous character. We told ourselves we were fighting for the oppressed, but these were unwinnable wars. We became the very instrument through which more deaths occurred, complicit in causing further misery for the selfish benefit of the cruel few.
哪裡出錯了? 我們忙著談論美德, 並被理想所盲目。 我們並沒有給自己機會 發展美善的性格。 我們告訴自己 這是在為受苦受難的人奮鬥, 但這是場贏不了的戰爭。 我們成為死神的工具, 為了少數殘暴者的自私自利, 製造更多的悲劇。
So over time, a very long time, I opened my eyes. I began to dare to face the truth, to think, to face the hard questions. I got in touch with my soul.
時間流逝, 過了好一陣子, 我睜開雙眼, 我開始有勇氣 面對真相, 開始思考, 開始面對艱難的問題。 我與我內心的靈魂接觸。
What have I learned? That people who engage in violent jihadism, that people who are drawn to these types of extremisms, are not that different to everyone else. But I believe such people can change. They can regain their hearts and restore them by filling them with human values that heal.
那我學到了什麼? 參加暴力聖戰的人、 墮入極端主義的人, 其實並沒有與我們相差甚遠。 我相信那些人是可以改變的。 他們能重拾本心, 能用療傷止痛的人性價值 填補心中的缺口。
When we ignore the realities, we discover that we accept what we are told without critical reflection. And we ignore the gifts and advantages that many of us would cherish even for a single moment in their lives. I engaged in actions I thought were correct. But now I began to question how I knew what I knew. I endlessly told others to accept the truth, but I failed to give doubt its rightful place.
當我們忽略現實, 我們會毫無疑問地 接受被告知的東西。 我們也會忽視 眾所珍愛的天賦和優勢, 即便那僅占了生命的一小部分。 我做了我認為對的事。 但我現在開始質疑 我怎麼知道我知道什麼。 我無止盡地要眾人接受真理, 但我忘了質疑它的合宜性。
This conviction that people can change is rooted in my experience, my own journey. Through wide reading, reflecting, contemplation, self-knowledge, I discovered, I realized that Islamists' world of us and them is false and unjust. Through considering the uncertainties in all that we had asserted, to the inviolable truths, incontestable truths, I developed a more nuanced understanding.
人能改變的信念 根深蒂固在我的經驗中, 也在我人生的旅途中。 透過廣泛閱讀、 反省、 沉思、自我認知, 我發現,我了解到 我們與他們的伊斯蘭主義者世界 竟是如此錯誤與不公不義。 透過反思所有我們主張的事實, 反思我們認為不可侵犯、 無庸置疑的事實, 我產生了更深入細微的理解。
I realized that in a world crowded with variation and contradiction, foolish preachers, only foolish preachers like I used to be, see no paradox in the myths and fictions they use to assert authenticity. So I understood the vital importance of self-knowledge, political awareness and the necessity for a deep and wide understanding of our commitments and our actions, how they affect others.
我發現在這充滿歧異與矛盾的世界, 愚昧的傳教者, 也只有像過去的我 這種愚昧的傳教者, 才會看不出他們所斷言的 真相其實充滿矛盾。 我理解了自我認知、 政治意識、 及深入理解我們所作所為的必要性, 及這些會如何影響他人, 是何其的重要。
So my plea today to everyone, especially those who sincerely believe in Islamist jihadism ... refuse dogmatic authority; let go of anger, hatred and violence; learn to right wrongs without even attempting to justify cruel, unjust and futile behavior. Instead create a few beautiful and useful things that outlive us. Approach the world, life, with love. Learn to develop or cultivate your hearts to see goodness, beauty and truth in others and in the world. That way we do matter more to ourselves ... to each other, to our communities and, for me, to God. This is jihad -- my true jihad.
所以我今天向大家懇求, 特別是真誠相信伊斯蘭聖戰的人, 要拒絕武斷性的權威; 放下憤怒、仇恨與暴戾之氣; 學習不要以報復殘虐、 不公正的行為來修正錯誤。 去創造一些美麗實用的事物吧, 讓我們淵遠流長, 邁向嶄新世界, 一個充滿愛的世界。 學習發展、 或培育你的心思, 在別人身上或這個世界發現真善美。 如此一來,我們為了自己、 為了他人、 為了社會、 對我來說,也為了真主, 就盡了份力。 這就是聖戰── 我真正的聖戰。
Thank you.
謝謝大家。
(Applause)
(掌聲)