I'm a professional troublemaker.
我是個職業的問題製造者。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
As my job is to critique the world, the shoddy systems and the people who refuse to do better, as a writer, as a speaker, as a shady Nigerian --
我的工作是去批評世界、 劣質體制,以及拒絕做更好的人, 我是個作家、演說家、 名聲不好的奈及利亞人──
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
I feel like my purpose is to be this cat.
我覺得我的人生目的是要做這隻貓。
(Laughter)
(笑聲) 〔至高無上斜眼看人之藝術家〕
I am the person who is looking at other people, like, "I need you to fix it." That is me. I want us to leave this world better than we found it. And how I choose to effect change is by speaking up, by being the first and by being the domino.
我這種人在看其他人的方式是: 「我需要你改正。」 那就是我。 我要我們在離開這個世界時, 它變得比我們發現它時更好。 我選擇用來影響改變的方式 是把話說出來, 當第一個人,當骨牌。
For a line of dominoes to fall, one has to fall first, which then leaves the other choiceless to do the same. And that domino that falls, we're hoping that, OK, the next person that sees this is inspired to be a domino. Being the domino, for me, looks like speaking up and doing the things that are really difficult, especially when they are needed, with the hope that others will follow suit. And here's the thing: I'm the person who says what you might be thinking but dared not to say. A lot of times people think that we're fearless, the people who do this, we're fearless. We're not fearless. We're not unafraid of the consequences or the sacrifices that we have to make by speaking truth to power. What happens is, we feel like we have to, because there are too few people in the world willing to be the domino, too few people willing to take that fall. We're not doing it without fear.
要讓一整排的骨牌倒下, 得要有一個骨牌先倒下, 它就會讓其他骨牌 沒有選擇只能跟著倒下。 而那倒下的骨牌, 我們希望,好, 下一個看見這狀況的人 能夠被鼓舞,也去成為骨牌。 對我而言,身為骨牌, 就像是大聲說出來, 然後去做真的很困難的事情, 特別是當必須要去做的時候, 且心懷希望,希望他人會跟進。 重點是:我就是那個 把你可能只敢想不敢說的話 說出來的人。 常常,人們認為我們無所懼, 認為做這些事的人是無所懼的。 我們並非無所懼。 我們並非不害怕後果 或是我們得要做的犧牲, 仍然對著掌權者大聲說出來。 實情是,我們覺得我們必須要做, 因為世界上太少人 願意做骨牌, 太少人願意倒下。 我們這樣做時也會恐懼。
Now, let's talk about fear. I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was like, "I'm going to be a doctor!" Doctor Luvvie was the dream. I was Doc McStuffins before it was a thing.
咱們來談談恐懼。 我很清楚我長大之後要做什麼。 我會說:「我將來要當醫生!」 夢想是成為拉薇醫生。 在《小醫師大玩偶》 紅起來之前我就在演它了。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
And I remember when I went to college, my freshman year, I had to take Chemistry 101 for my premed major. I got the first and last D of my academic career.
我記得,當我上大學, 第一年,我得為我的主修醫學院預科 修基礎化學, 我得到了我學術生涯中的 第一個和最後一個 D。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
So I went to my advisor, and I was like, "OK, let's drop the premed, because this doctor thing is not going to work, because I don't even like hospitals. So ..."
我去找指導教授,我說: 「好,放棄醫學院預科吧, 因為我不可能當醫生的, 因為我甚至不喜歡醫院。 所以……」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
"Let's just consider that done for." And that same semester, I started blogging. That was 2003. So as that one dream was ending, another was beginning. And then what was a cute hobby became my full-time job when I lost my marketing job in 2010. But it still took me two more years to say, "I'm a writer." Nine years after I had started writing, before I said, "I'm a writer," because I was afraid of what happens without 401ks, without, "How am I going to keep up my shoe habit? That's important to me."
「就當作已經試過了吧。」 同一個學期,我開始寫部落格。 那是 2003 年。 當一個夢想結束後, 另一個夢想又開始了。 本來只是個可愛的嗜好, 2010 年我丟了行銷工作之後, 這個嗜好就變成了我的全職工作, 但我又花了兩年, 才能說出:「我是個作家。」 從我開始寫作一直到我說出 「我是個作家」,一共花了九年, 因為我害怕沒有了 401k 退休福利計畫 之後會發生什麼事, 沒有「我要如何維持買鞋的習慣啊? 那對我很重要。」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
So it took me that long to own this thing that was what my purpose was. And then I realized, fear has a very concrete power of keeping us from doing and saying the things that are our purpose. And I was like, "You know what? I'm not going to let fear rule my life. I'm not going to let fear dictate what I do." And then all of these awesome things started happening, and dominoes started to fall.
我花了那麼長的時間才能承認那就是 我人生的目的。 接著,我了解到, 恐懼的力量非常實在, 能讓我們不去做、不去說 我們人生的目的。 而我說:「你知道嗎? 我不要讓恐懼主宰我的人生。 我不要讓恐懼來規定我要做什麼。」 接著,很棒的事情開始接連發生, 骨牌開始倒下。
So when I realized that, I was like, "OK, 2015, I turned 30, it's going to be my year of 'Do it anyway.' Anything that scares me, I'm going to actively pursue it." So, I'm a Capricorn. I like my feel solidly on the ground. I decided to take my first-ever solo vacation, and it was out of the country to the Dominican Republic. So on my birthday, what did I do? I went ziplining through the forests of Punta Cana. And for some odd reason, I had on business casual. Don't ask why.
當我發現時,我說: 「好,2015 年, 我邁入三十歲, 這年就是我的 『無論如何就去做』年。 任何讓我害怕的事物, 我就要主動去追求它。」 我是摩羯座。 我喜歡腳踏實地。 我決定要第一次一個人單獨渡假, 且是要出國,到多明尼加共和國。 在我生日那天,我做了什麼? 我去玩鋼索飛行, 穿越蓬塔卡納的森林。 因為很奇怪的理由, 我穿著商務便裝。 別問為什麼。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
And I had an incredible time. Also, I don't like being submerged in water. I like to be, again, on solid ground. So I went to Mexico and swam with dolphins underwater. And then the cool thing that I did also that year that was my mountain was I wrote my book, "I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual," And I had to own --
我玩得好開心。 此外,我不喜歡沉到水裡。 再說一次,我喜歡腳踏實地。 所以我去墨西哥, 和海豚在水面下游泳。 那年我還做了一件很酷的事, 對我很重要, 就是我寫了我的書: 《我在評斷你:如何做得更好》 那我現在應該──
(Applause)
(掌聲)
that whole writing thing now, right? Yes. But the very anti-me thing that I did that year that scared the crap out of me -- I went skydiving. We're about to fall out of the plane. I was like, "I've done some stupid things in life. This is one of them."
可以承認寫作這整件事了吧? 是的。 但在那一年我做了件 非常「反我」的事, 把我嚇得半死的事── 我去跳傘了。 我們正要掉下飛機。 我在說:「我一生中做過 一些蠢事,這是其中之一。」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
And then we come falling down to Earth, and I literally lose my breath as I see Earth, and I was like, "I just fell out of a perfectly good plane on purpose."
接著我們就向下落向地球, 當我看到地球時, 我真的無法呼吸了,我說: 「我剛剛故意掉出一架 完全沒故障的飛機。」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
"What is wrong with me?!" But then I looked down at the beauty, and I was like, "This is the best thing I could have done. This was an amazing decision." And I think about the times when I have to speak truth. It feels like I am falling out of that plane. It feels like that moment when I'm at the edge of the plane, and I'm like, "You shouldn't do this," but then I do it anyway, because I realize I have to. Sitting at the edge of that plane and kind of staying on that plane is comfort to me. And I feel like every day that I'm speaking truth against institutions and people who are bigger than me and just forces that are more powerful than me, I feel like I'm falling out of that plane. But I realize comfort is overrated. Because being quiet is comfortable. Keeping things the way they've been is comfortable. And all comfort has done is maintain the status quo. So we've got to get comfortable with being uncomfortable by speaking these hard truths when they're necessary. And I --
「我有什麼毛病啊?!」 但接著,我向下看著美景, 我說:「這是我所能 做的事情當中最棒的了。 這是個了不起的決定。」 我想到我得要說實話的那些時候。 感覺就像我從那架飛機上落下。 感覺就像是我身在 飛機邊緣上的那一刻, 我說:「你不該這樣做。」 但我還是做了, 因為我知道我得要做。 坐在那架飛機的邊緣, 且對我來說,待在飛機上是舒適的。 我感覺就像是每天我都在說出真相, 來對抗比我巨大的制度和人, 他們就是比我更強大的力量, 我感覺就像我要從那架飛機上落下。 但我了解到,舒適被高估了。 因為,安靜不出聲很舒適。 讓事物保持過去一直以來的樣子, 很舒適。 舒適能做的,就是維持現狀。 我們得用感到不舒適的方式 來得到舒適, 要在必要的時候, 說出這些難說出口的真相。 而我……
(Applause)
(掌聲)
And for me, though, I realize that I have to speak these truths, because honesty is so important to me. My integrity is something I hold dear. Justice -- I don't think justice should be an option. We should always have justice. Also, I believe in shea butter as a core value, and --
不過,對我來說, 我了解到我得要說出這些真相, 因為誠實對我相當重要。 我非常重視我的廉正。 正義──我不認為 正義應該是個選項。 我們應該一直要有正義。 此外,我相信乳油木果油是核心價值 (註:有保濕功能),
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
and I think the world would be better if we were more moisturized. But besides that, with these as my core values, I have to speak the truth. I have no other choice in the matter.
我認為,如果我們能更滋潤, 世界就會變得更好。 除此之外,因為我有這些核心價值, 我得要說出真相。 在這件事上我沒得選擇。
But people like me, the professional troublemakers, should not be the only ones who are committed to being these dominoes who are always falling out of planes or being the first one to take this hit. People are so afraid of these acute consequences, not realizing that there are many times when we walk in rooms and we are some of the most powerful people in those rooms -- we might be the second-most powerful, third-most powerful. And I firmly believe that our job in those times is to disrupt what is happening. And then if we're not the most powerful, if two more of us band together, it makes us powerful. It's like cosigning the woman in the meeting, you know, the woman who can't seem to get her word out, or just making sure that other person who can't make a point is being heard. Our job is to make sure they have room for that. Everyone's well-being is community business. If we made that a point, we'd understand that, for the times when we need help, we wouldn't have to look around so hard if we made sure we were somebody else's help.
但像我這樣的人,職業問題製造者, 不應該是唯一投入 去擔任這些骨牌的人、 總是從飛機上落下的人, 或是最先成為箭靶的人。 人們很害怕這些急性後果, 以致於他們沒發現, 很多時候,當我們走進房間, 我們是那些房間中最強大的人── 我們可能是第二強大、第三強大。 而我堅信,在那些時候,我們的工作 是要阻斷正在發生的事。 如果我們不是最強大的人, 如果再有兩個我們的人團結起來, 就能讓我們變強大。 就像是在會議中的女性連署, 你知道的,似乎無法發聲的女性, 或是就只是確保無法 說出重點的另一個人 能被聽見。 我們的工作是確保 他們有那樣的空間。 每一個人的幸福都是整個社群的事。 如果我們強調那點, 我們就會了解, 如果我們確實曾幫助過別人, 當我們需要協助的時候, 我們就不用那麼辛苦四處尋找了。
And there are times when I feel like I have taken very public tumbles and falls, like the time when I was asked to speak at a conference, and they wanted me to pay my way there. And then I did some research and found out the white men who spoke there got compensated and got their travel paid for. The white women who spoke there got their travel paid for. The black women who spoke there were expected to actually pay to speak there. And I was like, "What do I do?" And I knew that if I spoke up about this publicly, I could face financial loss. But then I also understood that my silence serves no one. So I fearfully spoke up about it publicly, and other women started coming out to talk about, "I, too, have faced this type of pay inequality." And it started a conversation about discriminatory pay practices that this conference was participating in.
有些時候,我會覺得 我時常在眾人前挑戰權威, 但失敗。 像有一次,我被邀請 到會議上演說, 他們要我自費過去那裡。 我接著做了些研究, 發現在那裡演說的白人能得到補助, 他們不用自己付旅費。 到那裡演說的白種女性, 一樣不用自己付旅費。 而去那裡演說的黑人女性, 則被認為應該要自費前往。 我說:「我要怎麼做?」 我知道如果我公開說出這件事, 我可能要面對財務上的損失。 但我也了解,我的沉默 是無法幫助別人的。 所以我很恐懼地公開說出了這件事, 其他女性也開始站出來談論: 「我也有面臨到這種 付費不平等的問題。」 接著開啟了一個對談,內容是在談 這個會議所參與的歧視性支付做法。
I felt like I was the domino the time I read a disturbing memoir by a public figure and wrote a piece about it. I knew this person was more powerful than me and could impact my career, but I was like, "I've got to do this. I've got to sit at the edge of this plane," maybe for two hours. And I did. And I pressed "Publish," and I ran away.
當我讀到一位公眾人物的自傳時, 我感到很不舒服, 寫了篇關於它的文章, 我覺得我就是骨牌。 我知道這個人比我強大, 這事可能會衝擊我的職涯, 但我說:「我得做這件事。 我得要坐在這架飛機的邊緣上, 也許坐個兩小時。」 而我做了。我按下「發佈」, 然後趕快逃走。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
And I came back to a viral post and people being like, "Oh my God, I'm so glad somebody finally said this." And it started a conversation about mental health and self-care, and I was like, "OK. Alright. This thing that I'm doing, I guess, alright, it's doing something."
我回來看到一篇瘋狂轉傳的貼文, 人們在說:「我的天, 我好高興終於有人這麼做了。」 它帶起了交談, 談到心理健康和自我照護, 我說:「好。 我在做的這件事,我想, 好,它應該有影響。」
And then so many people have been the domino when they talk about how they've been assaulted by powerful men. And it's made millions of women join in and say, "Me Too." So, a shout-out to Tarana Burke for igniting that movement.
接著,好多人都成了骨牌, 他們談論到自己如何 被強大的人給攻擊。 結果讓數百萬女性加入, 說出「我也是」。 這是對於塔拉納柏克 點燃那運動的大喊。
(Applause)
(掌聲)
People and systems count on our silence to keep us exactly where we are. Now, being the domino sometimes comes down to being exactly who you are. So, I've been a shady somebody since I was three.
人和體制要靠我們的沉默,才能 把我們維持在我們現在的位置。 有時,成為骨牌可以歸結成 成為你真正的自己。 我從三歲以來,就一直名聲不好。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
This is me on my third birthday. But I've been this girl all my life, and I feel like even that's been the domino, because in a world that wants us to walk around as representatives of ourselves, being yourself can be a revolutionary act. And in a world that wants us to whisper, I choose to yell.
這是我三歲生日的照片。 但我一生都一直是這個女孩, 我覺得,就連那也是在當骨牌, 因為在這個世界,想要我們四處走動 來當我們自身代表的世界中, 做自己可能就是個革命性的舉動。 在一個想要我們低語的的世界中, 我選擇吶喊。
(Applause)
(掌聲)
When it's time to say these hard things, I ask myself three things. One: Did you mean it? Two: Can you defend it? Three: Did you say it with love? If the answer is yes to all three, I say it and let the chips fall. That's important. That checkpoint with myself always tells me, "Yes, you're supposed to do this." Telling the truth -- telling thoughtful truths -- should not be a revolutionary act. Speaking truths to power should not be sacrificial, but they are. But I think if more of us chose to do this for the greater good, we'd be in better spaces than we are right now.
當到了該說出難以說出口的話時, 我會問我自己三件事。 第一:你是認真的嗎? 第二:你能為它辯護嗎? 第三:你是否帶著愛而說? 如果三個答案都是「是」, 我就會說出來,不顧後果。 那很重要。 我自己設的這種檢查方式 總是告訴我: 「是的,你該做這件事。」 說出真相 ──說出考慮周到的真相── 不該是種革命性的舉動。 對有權力的人說出真相, 不該是種犧牲,但偏偏就是。 但我認為,如果我們更多人能 選擇為了大我而這麼做, 我們的景況會比現在更好。
Speaking of the greater good, I think we commit ourselves to telling truths to build bridges to common ground, and bridges that aren't based on truth will collapse. So it is our job, it is our obligation, it is our duty to speak truth to power, to be the domino, not just when it's difficult -- especially when it's difficult.
說到大我, 我認為,我們要致力去 說出真相來建立橋樑, 來連結共同點, 不是以真相為基礎 所搭起的橋樑一定會垮。 所以,我們的工作、 我們的義務、我們的責任, 就是要有權者說出真相,要當骨牌, 並不只是在很困難時要做── 在很困難時更特別一定要做。
Thank you.
謝謝。
(Applause)
(掌聲)