I'm a professional troublemaker.
Men professional buzg’unchiman.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
As my job is to critique the world, the shoddy systems and the people who refuse to do better, as a writer, as a speaker, as a shady Nigerian --
Mening ishim dunyoni, soxta tizimlarni hamda yaxshi ishlarni amalga oshirishni istamaydigan odamlarni yozuvchi, ma’ruzachi, nigeriyalik ajdodlarga ega inson sifatida tanqid qilishdir.
(Laughter)
I feel like my purpose is to be this cat.
(Kulgi) Mening maqsadim shunday mushuk bo’lish deb his qilaman.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
I am the person who is looking at other people, like, "I need you to fix it." That is me. I want us to leave this world better than we found it. And how I choose to effect change is by speaking up, by being the first and by being the domino.
Men boshqa odamlarga qarab, ularga “Buni tuzatishingiz kerak” deydigan insonman. Men shundayman. Men bu dunyoga kelganimizdagidan ko’ra yaxshiroq qilib tark etishimizni istayman Men notiqligim orqali va birinch domino bo’lish yo’li bilan o’zgarishni amalga oshirishni tanladim.
For a line of dominoes to fall, one has to fall first, which then leaves the other choiceless to do the same. And that domino that falls, we're hoping that, OK, the next person that sees this is inspired to be a domino. Being the domino, for me, looks like speaking up and doing the things that are really difficult, especially when they are needed, with the hope that others will follow suit. And here's the thing: I'm the person who says what you might be thinking but dared not to say. A lot of times people think that we're fearless, the people who do this, we're fearless. We're not fearless. We're not unafraid of the consequences or the sacrifices that we have to make by speaking truth to power. What happens is, we feel like we have to, because there are too few people in the world willing to be the domino, too few people willing to take that fall. We're not doing it without fear.
Qator dominolarning qulashi uchun avval birinchisi qulashi kerak, bu esa boshqa dominolarga o’zgacha yo’l qoldirmaydi. Va biz umid qilamizki o’sha tushgan domino boshqa insonlarni ham domino bo’lishga ilhomlantiradi. Domino bo’lish men uchun, gapirish va qiyin bo’lgan vazifalarnini, ayniqsa, kerak bo’lgan vaqtda boshqa insonlar ergashish umidi bilan qilish demakdir. Va gap shundaki: men siz o’ylagan lekin aytishga jur’at qilolmagan fikrni gapiradigan insonman. Ko’p bora odamlar bizni qo’rqmas deb hisoblaydilar. Biz qo’rqmas emasmiz. Biz haqiqatni mansabdorlarga so’ylashimiz oqibatlaridan yoki qurbonliklardan qo’rqmaymiz emas. Haqiqat shundaki, biz shunday qilishimiz kerakligini his qilamiz chunki dunyoda domino bo’lishga tayyor insonlar soni juda oz, birinchi turtki bo’lishni istaydigan insonlar soni juda ozligidadir. Biz buni qo’rquvsiz qilmayapmiz. Endi
Now, let's talk about fear. I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was like, "I'm going to be a doctor!" Doctor Luvvie was the dream. I was Doc McStuffins before it was a thing.
qo’rquv haqida gapiraylik. Men yoshligimda kelajakda kim bo’lishimni aniq bilardim. “Men shifokor bo’laman!“ derdim. Doktor Luvvi bo’lish mening orzuyim edi. Men Doktor MakStaffins, edim.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
And I remember when I went to college, my freshman year, I had to take Chemistry 101 for my premed major. I got the first and last D of my academic career.
Eslayman kollejni birinchi kursida bo’lganimda, tibbiyot yo’nalishi uchun Kimyo fanini olishga majbur bo’lganman. Men ta’lim faoliyatim mobaynida birinchi va oxirgi yomon bahomni oldim.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
So I went to my advisor, and I was like, "OK, let's drop the premed, because this doctor thing is not going to work, because I don't even like hospitals. So ..."
Shundan keyin universitetdagi maslahatchiga bordim, va shunday dedim: ”Shifokorlikni tashlayman, chunki bu kasb men uchun emas ekan, shifoxonalarni hatto yoqtirmayman. Shunday qilib....”
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
"Let's just consider that done for." And that same semester, I started blogging. That was 2003. So as that one dream was ending, another was beginning. And then what was a cute hobby became my full-time job when I lost my marketing job in 2010. But it still took me two more years to say, "I'm a writer." Nine years after I had started writing, before I said, "I'm a writer," because I was afraid of what happens without 401ks, without, "How am I going to keep up my shoe habit? That's important to me."
“Bu kasb men uchun emas deb hisoblaylik.” O’sha o’quv yilida, blogerlikni boshladim. Bu 2003 yilda edi. Shunday qilib, bitta orzu tugashi bilan, boshqasi boshlanayotgan edi. Va 2010 yilda marketing ishimdan ayrilganimdan keyin hobbiyim to’liq ishimga aylandi. Ammo “Men yozuvchiman “ deyishimga yana ikki yil kerak bo’ldi. Yozishni boshlaganimdan to’qqiz yildan so’ng, men “yozuvchiman”, deya oldim, chunki maoshsiz qolishdan, ayniqsa poyafzal xarid qilish odatimni qanday davom ettira olishimdan qo’rqardim. Bu men uchun juda muhim.”
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
So it took me that long to own this thing that was what my purpose was. And then I realized, fear has a very concrete power of keeping us from doing and saying the things that are our purpose. And I was like, "You know what? I'm not going to let fear rule my life. I'm not going to let fear dictate what I do." And then all of these awesome things started happening, and dominoes started to fall.
Shunday ekan, bu maqsadga erishish uchun uzoq vaqt talab etdi. Keyin tushunib yetdimki, qo’rquv bizni o’zimizning maqsadlarimizni gapirishdan va bajarishdan saqlaydigan katta qudratga ega. Va men o’zimga dedim, ”bilasan-mi nima? Qo’rquv meni hayotimni boshqarishiga yo’l qo’ymayman”. Men qilmoqchi bo’lgan ishlarga qo’rquvga yo’l qo’ymayman”. So’ngra barcha ajoyib narsalar boshlana yozdi va dominolar tushishni boshladi.
So when I realized that, I was like, "OK, 2015, I turned 30, it's going to be my year of 'Do it anyway.' Anything that scares me, I'm going to actively pursue it." So, I'm a Capricorn. I like my feel solidly on the ground. I decided to take my first-ever solo vacation, and it was out of the country to the Dominican Republic. So on my birthday, what did I do? I went ziplining through the forests of Punta Cana. And for some odd reason, I had on business casual. Don't ask why.
Men shuni tushunib yetganimdan so’ng, “Xo’sh, 2015 yil, 30 yoshga to’ldim, bu yil meni qo’rqitadigan har qanday narsani, faol ravishda ta’qib qilaman.” Mening burjim Uloq. Men yerda turishni yoqtiraman. Men birinchi bor o’zim chet elga safar qilishga qaror qildim, va Dominikan Respublikasiga qarab yo’l oldim. Xo’sh, men tug’ilgan kunimda nima qildim? Punta-Kana o’rmonlaridan ziplayn qildim. Va ba’zi bir sababga ko’ra, ish kiyimida edim. Nimagaligini so’ramang.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
And I had an incredible time. Also, I don't like being submerged in water. I like to be, again, on solid ground. So I went to Mexico and swam with dolphins underwater. And then the cool thing that I did also that year that was my mountain was I wrote my book, "I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual," And I had to own --
Va men ajoyib vaqt o’tkazdim. Bundan tashqari, men suv ostida bo’lishni yoqtirmayman. Men, aytganimday, yer ustida bo’lishni yoqtiraman. Men Meksikaga bordim va suv ostidadelfinlar bilan suzdim. Va o’sha yili men qilgan yana bir ajoyib narsa menga tog’ bo’lgan “Men sizga hukm chiqarayapman: yaxshiroq bajarish bo’yicha qo’llanma” kitobini yozdim.
(Applause)
Va men -- (Qarsaklar)
that whole writing thing now, right? Yes. But the very anti-me thing that I did that year that scared the crap out of me -- I went skydiving. We're about to fall out of the plane. I was like, "I've done some stupid things in life. This is one of them."
endi esa yozish masalasi, to’g’rimi? Ha. Lekin meni eng qo’rqitgan va menga hos bo’lmagan narsani qildim va bu -- Men parashyutdan sakrashga bordim. Biz samolyotdan sakrash arafasidamiz. O’zimga, “Men hayotda ahmoqona narsalar qilganman, bu ulardan biri.”
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
And then we come falling down to Earth, and I literally lose my breath as I see Earth, and I was like, "I just fell out of a perfectly good plane on purpose."
Va keyin yerga qulashni boshladik, va men yerni ko’rganimda, tilim ojiz bo’p qoldi, va men o’zimga “Nahotki o’z ihtiyorim bilan samolyotdan sakradim”.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
"What is wrong with me?!" But then I looked down at the beauty, and I was like, "This is the best thing I could have done. This was an amazing decision." And I think about the times when I have to speak truth. It feels like I am falling out of that plane. It feels like that moment when I'm at the edge of the plane, and I'm like, "You shouldn't do this," but then I do it anyway, because I realize I have to. Sitting at the edge of that plane and kind of staying on that plane is comfort to me. And I feel like every day that I'm speaking truth against institutions and people who are bigger than me and just forces that are more powerful than me, I feel like I'm falling out of that plane. But I realize comfort is overrated. Because being quiet is comfortable. Keeping things the way they've been is comfortable. And all comfort has done is maintain the status quo. So we've got to get comfortable with being uncomfortable by speaking these hard truths when they're necessary. And I --
“Menga nima bo’lgan?!” Ammo keyin pastdagi go’zallikka qarab, o’zimga, “Bu men qilgan eng yaxshi narsa. Bu ajoyib qaror ekan.” Va haqiqatni gapirishim kerak bo’lgan paytlar haqida o’ylayman. Men samolyotdan sakrayotganday o’zimni his qilaman. Men samolyotning chekkasida turganday o’zimni his qilaman, va o’zimga “Sen buni qilmasliging kerak”, deyman-u lekin baribir qilaman, chunki men qilishim kerakligini bilaman. O’sha samolyotning chetida o’tirish va o’sha samolyotda qolish men uchun tasalli. Men har kuni mendanda kuchliroq bo’lgan muassasalar va odamlarga qarshi haqiqatni gapirayotganimni his qilaman, o’zimni huddi samolyotdan qulayotganday his qilaman. Lekin nazarimda qulaylikka o’ta yuqori baho berilgan. Chunki jim bo’lish qulay. Hamma narsani borligicha qoldirish qulay. Qulaylik amalga oshira olgan vazifa, shunchaki vaziyatni borligicha saqlashda. Shuning uchun biz bu qiyin haqiqatlarni zarur bo’lganda gapirishga odatlanishimiz kerak. Va men --
(Applause)
(Qarsaklar)
And for me, though, I realize that I have to speak these truths, because honesty is so important to me. My integrity is something I hold dear. Justice -- I don't think justice should be an option. We should always have justice. Also, I believe in shea butter as a core value, and --
Va men bu haqiqatlarni gapirishim kerakligini bilaman, chunki to’g’ri so’zlik men uchun juda muhim. Mening yaxlitligim men uchun aziz. Adolat - Men adolatni tanlov deb hisoblamayman. Bizda doim adolat bo’lishi kerak. Bundan tashqari, shea yog’iga asosiy qiymat sifatida ishonaman va -
(Laughter)
(Kulgi) nazarimda agar
and I think the world would be better if we were more moisturized. But besides that, with these as my core values, I have to speak the truth. I have no other choice in the matter.
ko’proq o’zimizga qaraganimizda, dunyo yaxshiroq bo’lar edi. Bular mening asosiy qadriyatlari bo’lganligi uchun, men haqiqatni gapirishim lozim. Bu borada boshqa bir tanlov yo’q.
But people like me, the professional troublemakers, should not be the only ones who are committed to being these dominoes who are always falling out of planes or being the first one to take this hit. People are so afraid of these acute consequences, not realizing that there are many times when we walk in rooms and we are some of the most powerful people in those rooms -- we might be the second-most powerful, third-most powerful. And I firmly believe that our job in those times is to disrupt what is happening. And then if we're not the most powerful, if two more of us band together, it makes us powerful. It's like cosigning the woman in the meeting, you know, the woman who can't seem to get her word out, or just making sure that other person who can't make a point is being heard. Our job is to make sure they have room for that. Everyone's well-being is community business. If we made that a point, we'd understand that, for the times when we need help, we wouldn't have to look around so hard if we made sure we were somebody else's help.
Men kabi odamlar, professional buzg’unchilar, har doim samolyotlardan tushadigan dominolar yoki birinchi zarbani olishga majbur bo’lgan yagona odamlar bo’lishi kerak emas. Odamlar bu o’tkir oqibatlardan shu darajada qo’rqishadiki, xonalarga kirganimizda, biz shu xonadagi eng kuchli odamlardan biri bo’lishimiz, biz ikkinchi yo uchinchi -- eng kuchlisi bo’lishimiz mumkinligini anglamaymiz. Va men shu holatlarda bizni ishimiz bo’layotgan nohaqliklarni buzish ekanligiga ishonaman. Agarda biz eng qudratlisi bo’lmasakda, bizni birga birlashganimiz bizni kuchli qiladi. Bu huddi ayolni majlisga taklif qilish, so’zini aytishga qiynalayotgan ayol yoki o’z fikrini ifodala olmaydigan odamning gapi eshitilishiga imkon yaratishdir. Bizning vazifamiz ular uchun imkon yaratish. Har bir insonning farovonligi - bu jamoa mas’uliyatidir. Shu narsani ommaga anglatolsak, biz yordamga muhtoj bo’lgan paytlarda, atrofga qaramagan bo’lardik, bizning o’zimiz yordam beruvchi ekanligimizni anglaganimizda.
And there are times when I feel like I have taken very public tumbles and falls, like the time when I was asked to speak at a conference, and they wanted me to pay my way there. And then I did some research and found out the white men who spoke there got compensated and got their travel paid for. The white women who spoke there got their travel paid for. The black women who spoke there were expected to actually pay to speak there. And I was like, "What do I do?" And I knew that if I spoke up about this publicly, I could face financial loss. But then I also understood that my silence serves no one. So I fearfully spoke up about it publicly, and other women started coming out to talk about, "I, too, have faced this type of pay inequality." And it started a conversation about discriminatory pay practices that this conference was participating in.
Shunday vaziyatlar borki men o’zimni huddi omma oldida yiqilganday his qilganman masalan meni konferensiyaga taklif etishdi va men biroz izlanishlar olib bordim va u yerda gapirgan oq tanli kishilarning yo’l harajatlari qoplanishini bildim. Hamda oq tanli ayollarning ham yo’l harajatlari qoplangan ekan. U yerda gapirgan qora tanli ayollar esa gapirish uchun pul to’lashlari kerak ekan. Va o’zimga: “Nima qilaman endi?” Men bu haqida ochiqchasiga gapirsam, moliyaviy zararga duch kelishimni bilardim. Ammo mening ham sukunatim hech kimga xizmat qilmasligini tushundim. Shuning uchun bu haqida ochiqchasiga qo’rquv bilan gapira boshladim va shunda boshqa ayollar: “Men ham to’lov tengsizligiga duch kelganman”, deya boshlashdi. Va bu konferensiya to’lov diskriminatsiya qilishi haqida ommaviy suhbat boshlanishiga turtki berdi. Men
I felt like I was the domino the time I read a disturbing memoir by a public figure and wrote a piece about it. I knew this person was more powerful than me and could impact my career, but I was like, "I've got to do this. I've got to sit at the edge of this plane," maybe for two hours. And I did. And I pressed "Publish," and I ran away.
bir jamoat arbobi haqida havotirli yodnomani o’qib u haqida maqola yozgan vaqtdagi kabi o’zimni his qildim. Men bu insonning mendan ko’ra kuchliroq ekanini va mehnat faoliyatimga ta’sir etishi mumkinligini bilardim, ammo “baribir qilishim kerak. Men bu samolyotning chekkasida ikki soatga o’tirishim kerak” dedim. Va buni qildim. “Chop etish” belgisini bosdim-u
(Laughter)
qochib kettim. (Kulgi)
And I came back to a viral post and people being like, "Oh my God, I'm so glad somebody finally said this." And it started a conversation about mental health and self-care, and I was like, "OK. Alright. This thing that I'm doing, I guess, alright, it's doing something."
Va qaytib kelganimda chop etgan postimga odamlar: “Ey Xudoyim, kimdir bu gapni aytganidan juda ham mamnun bo’ldim “. Va bu ruhiy salomatlik va o’ziga g’amxo’rlik haqida suhbatni boshladi, va men o’zimga “Hop, yaxshi. Men qilayotgan narsa, menimcha, o’zgarishga asos solyapti.”
And then so many people have been the domino when they talk about how they've been assaulted by powerful men. And it's made millions of women join in and say, "Me Too." So, a shout-out to Tarana Burke for igniting that movement.
Va keyin juda ko’p odamlar kuchli kishilar tomondon hujumlanganlari haqida gapirganlarida ular ham birinchilardan bo’lgan edilar. Va millionlab ayollar birgalikda: “Menda ham”, deyishdi. Buning uchun Tarana Burkga bu harakatni boshlagani uchun rahmat.
(Applause)
(Qarsaklar)
People and systems count on our silence to keep us exactly where we are. Now, being the domino sometimes comes down to being exactly who you are. So, I've been a shady somebody since I was three.
Odamlar va tizimlar bizni joyimizda qoldirish uchun sukunatimizga tayanadi. Endi, birinchilardan bo’lishiz siz kim ekanligingizga taqaladi. Men uch yoshimdan beri shubhali odam bo’lib kelganman.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
This is me on my third birthday. But I've been this girl all my life, and I feel like even that's been the domino, because in a world that wants us to walk around as representatives of ourselves, being yourself can be a revolutionary act. And in a world that wants us to whisper, I choose to yell.
Bu uchinchi tug’ilgan kunimda. Lekin men butun hayotim davomida shu qiz bo’ldim, shu domino bo’lishimga turtki bo’lganligini his etaman, chunki bizni o’zimizni vakil sifatida yurishni xohlaydigan dunyoda o’zingiz bo’lishingiz inqilobiy harakat bo’lishi mumkin. Va bizni pichirlashni xohlaydigan dunyoda men baqirishni tanlayman.
(Applause)
(Qarsaklar)
When it's time to say these hard things, I ask myself three things. One: Did you mean it? Two: Can you defend it? Three: Did you say it with love? If the answer is yes to all three, I say it and let the chips fall. That's important. That checkpoint with myself always tells me, "Yes, you're supposed to do this." Telling the truth -- telling thoughtful truths -- should not be a revolutionary act. Speaking truths to power should not be sacrificial, but they are. But I think if more of us chose to do this for the greater good, we'd be in better spaces than we are right now.
Bu qiyin narsalarni aytish vaqti kelganda, men o’zimdan uchta savolni so’rayman. Bir: Uni nazarda tutdingmi? Ikki: Uni himoya qila olasanmi? Uch: Uni sevgi bilan aytdingmi? Agar uchalasiga ham “ha” javobi bo’lsa, men buni aytaman va oqibatidan qo’rqmayman. Bu muhim. Bu nazorat nuqtasi menga doimo: “Ha, sen buni qilishing kerak”, deb ta’kidlaydi. Haqiqatni gapirish-mulohazali haqiqatni- inqilobiy harakat bo’lishi shart emas. Kuchga haqiqatni gapirish qurbonlik bo’lmasligi kerak, ammo shunday. Agar ko’pchiligimiz buni yaxshilik uchun tanlagan bo’lsak, biz hozirdan ko’ra yaxshiroq joyda bo’lamiz.
Speaking of the greater good, I think we commit ourselves to telling truths to build bridges to common ground, and bridges that aren't based on truth will collapse. So it is our job, it is our obligation, it is our duty to speak truth to power, to be the domino, not just when it's difficult -- especially when it's difficult.
Yaxshilik haqida gapirar ekanmiz, biz haqiqat ko’priklarinin o’rnatish uchun haqiqatni gapirishga majburmiz deb o’ylayman. va haqiqatga asoslanmagan ko’priklar esa qulaydi. Demak, kuch - qudratga gapirish bu bizning vazifamiz, bu bizning majburiyatimiz, bizning burchimiz birinchilardan bo’lish, faqat qiyin bo’lgan paytlarda emas, ayniqsa qiyin bo’lgan paytlarda.
Thank you.
Rahmat.
(Applause)
(Qarsaklar)