I'm a professional troublemaker.
Ja sam profesionalna nevolja.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
As my job is to critique the world, the shoddy systems and the people who refuse to do better, as a writer, as a speaker, as a shady Nigerian --
Budući da je moj posao kritizirati svijet, loše sisteme i ljude koji odbijaju biti bolji, kao pisac, kao govornik, kao sumnjiva Nigerijka --
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
I feel like my purpose is to be this cat.
osjećam da je moja svrha biti ova mačka.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
I am the person who is looking at other people, like, "I need you to fix it." That is me. I want us to leave this world better than we found it. And how I choose to effect change is by speaking up, by being the first and by being the domino.
Ja sam osoba koja gleda druge ljude, kao, "Treba mi da ovo središ." To sam ja. Želim da ostavimo ovaj svijet boljim nego smo ga našli. Ja ostvarujem promjene govorom, time što sam prva i što sam domino.
For a line of dominoes to fall, one has to fall first, which then leaves the other choiceless to do the same. And that domino that falls, we're hoping that, OK, the next person that sees this is inspired to be a domino. Being the domino, for me, looks like speaking up and doing the things that are really difficult, especially when they are needed, with the hope that others will follow suit. And here's the thing: I'm the person who says what you might be thinking but dared not to say. A lot of times people think that we're fearless, the people who do this, we're fearless. We're not fearless. We're not unafraid of the consequences or the sacrifices that we have to make by speaking truth to power. What happens is, we feel like we have to, because there are too few people in the world willing to be the domino, too few people willing to take that fall. We're not doing it without fear.
Da bi se sve domino pločice srušile, jedna mora pasti prva, koja tada ne ostavlja izbora ostalima nego da isto padnu. I ta domina koja padne... nadamo se da je sljedeća osoba koja to vidi, inspirirana dominom. Za mene biti domina znači progovoriti i činiti ono što je zaista teško, posebno kada je to potrebno, u nadi da će i ostali slijediti taj primjer. Stvar je u tome što sam ja osoba koja kaže ono što vi možda mislite, ali se ne usudite reći. Često ljudi misle da se ničega ne bojimo, da su ljudi koji to čine bez straha. Nismo bez straha. Bojimo se posljedica i svoga žrtvovanja kada se suprotstavljamo istinom. Ono što se događa je da mislimo da to moramo, zato što je premalo ljudi na svijetu voljno biti domino, premalo ljudi je spremno na taj pad. Mi to ne činimo bez straha.
Now, let's talk about fear. I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was like, "I'm going to be a doctor!" Doctor Luvvie was the dream. I was Doc McStuffins before it was a thing.
Pričajmo sada o strahu. Ja sam točno znala što želim biti kada odrastem. Govorila bih, "Želim biti liječnica!" Dr. Luvvie bila je san. Bila sam Doc McStuffins prije nego što je
(Laughter)
to bilo popularno.
And I remember when I went to college, my freshman year, I had to take Chemistry 101 for my premed major. I got the first and last D of my academic career.
(Smijeh) Sjećam se kad sam otišla studirati, na prvoj godini sam trebala slušati Uvod u kemiju na studiju medicine. Dobila sam prvu i zadnju dvojku u svojoj akademskoj karijeri.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
So I went to my advisor, and I was like, "OK, let's drop the premed, because this doctor thing is not going to work, because I don't even like hospitals. So ..."
Otišla sam k svojoj savjetnici i rekla, "U redu, odustajem od medicine jer ovo neće ići. Čak ni ne volim bolnice. Tako da..."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
"Let's just consider that done for." And that same semester, I started blogging. That was 2003. So as that one dream was ending, another was beginning. And then what was a cute hobby became my full-time job when I lost my marketing job in 2010. But it still took me two more years to say, "I'm a writer." Nine years after I had started writing, before I said, "I'm a writer," because I was afraid of what happens without 401ks, without, "How am I going to keep up my shoe habit? That's important to me."
"To je to." Tog semestra sam počela pisati blog. To je bilo 2003. Kako je završavao jedan san, počinjao je drugi. Tada je taj hobi postao moj posao na puno radno vrijeme kad sam 2010. izgubila posao u marketingu. Trebalo mi je još dvije godine da kažem, "ja sam pisac." Devet godina nakon što sam počela pisati, prije nego što sam rekla, "ja sam pisac," jer me bilo strah što se dogodi kad nemaš plan za mirovinsko, kad ne znaš kako ćeš nastaviti kupovati cipele. To mi je važno.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
So it took me that long to own this thing that was what my purpose was. And then I realized, fear has a very concrete power of keeping us from doing and saying the things that are our purpose. And I was like, "You know what? I'm not going to let fear rule my life. I'm not going to let fear dictate what I do." And then all of these awesome things started happening, and dominoes started to fall.
Dugo mi je trebalo da postanem svoja. To je bila moja svrha. Tada sam shvatila da strah ima konkretnu moć da nas drži podalje od onoga što je naša svrha da činimo i govorimo. Mislila sam si, "Znaš što? Neću dopustiti da strah vlada mojim životom. Neću dopustiti da mi strah diktira što da radim." Tada su se počele događati svakakve predivne stvari i domine su počele padati.
So when I realized that, I was like, "OK, 2015, I turned 30, it's going to be my year of 'Do it anyway.' Anything that scares me, I'm going to actively pursue it." So, I'm a Capricorn. I like my feel solidly on the ground. I decided to take my first-ever solo vacation, and it was out of the country to the Dominican Republic. So on my birthday, what did I do? I went ziplining through the forests of Punta Cana. And for some odd reason, I had on business casual. Don't ask why.
Kad sam to shvatila mislila sam si, "U redu, 2015. godine navršila sam 30 godina, to će biti moja godina kad ću "svejedno to učiniti." Pokušat ću sve što me plaši." Inače, ja sam jarac po horoskopu. Volim osjetiti tlo pod nogama. Odlučila sam otići, po prvi put, na odmor - sama, i to van države, u Dominikansku Republiku. A što sam učinila na svoj rođendan? Spustila sam se žicom kroz šume Punta Cane. Iz nekog čudnog razloga bila sam formalno odjevena. Ne pitajte zašto.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
And I had an incredible time. Also, I don't like being submerged in water. I like to be, again, on solid ground. So I went to Mexico and swam with dolphins underwater. And then the cool thing that I did also that year that was my mountain was I wrote my book, "I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual," And I had to own --
Odlično sam se provela. Ne volim ni biti pod vodom. Volim, kako sam rekla, čvrsto tlo. Tako sam otišla u Meksiko i ronila s dupinima. Te godine se dogodila još jedna odlična stvar, još sam nešto premostila, a to je da sam napisala knjigu. "I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual," i morala sam --
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
that whole writing thing now, right? Yes. But the very anti-me thing that I did that year that scared the crap out of me -- I went skydiving. We're about to fall out of the plane. I was like, "I've done some stupid things in life. This is one of them."
prihvatiti pisanje kao svoje, zar ne? Da. No, ono što sam učinila te godine što nije nalik meni i što me nasmrt prestrašilo -- skočila sam padobranom. Prije nego što smo skočili iz aviona pomislila sam, "činila sam mnoge gluposti u životu. Ovo je još jedna."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
And then we come falling down to Earth, and I literally lose my breath as I see Earth, and I was like, "I just fell out of a perfectly good plane on purpose."
Padamo na Zemlju i ja doslovno gubim dah dok je gledam i pomislim, "Upravo sam namjerno skočila iz dobrog aviona."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
"What is wrong with me?!" But then I looked down at the beauty, and I was like, "This is the best thing I could have done. This was an amazing decision." And I think about the times when I have to speak truth. It feels like I am falling out of that plane. It feels like that moment when I'm at the edge of the plane, and I'm like, "You shouldn't do this," but then I do it anyway, because I realize I have to. Sitting at the edge of that plane and kind of staying on that plane is comfort to me. And I feel like every day that I'm speaking truth against institutions and people who are bigger than me and just forces that are more powerful than me, I feel like I'm falling out of that plane. But I realize comfort is overrated. Because being quiet is comfortable. Keeping things the way they've been is comfortable. And all comfort has done is maintain the status quo. So we've got to get comfortable with being uncomfortable by speaking these hard truths when they're necessary. And I --
"Što nije u redu samnom?" No, onda sam pogledala svu tu ljepotu i pomislila "Ovo je najbolje što sam mogla učiniti. Ovo je bila odlična odluka." Razmišljam koliko sam puta trebala reći istinu. Kao da skačem iz aviona. Osjećaj je kao u trenutku kad sam na rubu aviona kad pomislim "Ne bi trebala ovo činiti," ali onda to svejedno učinim jer shvatim da trebam. Stajati na rubu tog aviona i ostati u tom avionu je za mene lagodnost. Osjećam da svaki dan kad govorim istinu protiv institucija i ljudi koji su veći od mene i, jednostavno, sila koje su jače od mene, to je kao da padam iz aviona. No, shvaćam da je lagodnost precijenjena. Jer, šutjeti je ugodno. Održati sve onako kako je bilo dosad je ugodno. Lagodnost je samo zadržala status quo. Mora nam postati ugodan taj osjećaj nelagode dok izgovaramo te teške istine kada su potrebne. I ja --
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
And for me, though, I realize that I have to speak these truths, because honesty is so important to me. My integrity is something I hold dear. Justice -- I don't think justice should be an option. We should always have justice. Also, I believe in shea butter as a core value, and --
Ipak, osobno, shvaćam da moram izgovarati te istine jer mi je iskrenost jako važna. Jako cijenim svoj integritet. Pravda -- mislim da pravda ne bi trebala biti izbor. Uvijek mora biti pravde. Također, vjerujem u shea maslac kao temeljnu vrijednost i --
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
and I think the world would be better if we were more moisturized. But besides that, with these as my core values, I have to speak the truth. I have no other choice in the matter.
i mislim da bi svijet bio bolji da svi više njegujemo svoju kožu. No, osim toga, s ovim svojim temeljnim vrijednostima, moram govoriti istinu. Nemam drugog izbora.
But people like me, the professional troublemakers, should not be the only ones who are committed to being these dominoes who are always falling out of planes or being the first one to take this hit. People are so afraid of these acute consequences, not realizing that there are many times when we walk in rooms and we are some of the most powerful people in those rooms -- we might be the second-most powerful, third-most powerful. And I firmly believe that our job in those times is to disrupt what is happening. And then if we're not the most powerful, if two more of us band together, it makes us powerful. It's like cosigning the woman in the meeting, you know, the woman who can't seem to get her word out, or just making sure that other person who can't make a point is being heard. Our job is to make sure they have room for that. Everyone's well-being is community business. If we made that a point, we'd understand that, for the times when we need help, we wouldn't have to look around so hard if we made sure we were somebody else's help.
No, ljudi poput mene, profesionalne nevolje, ne bi trebali biti jedini koji su posvećeni tome da budu domine koje uvijek padaju iz aviona ili koje prve primaju udarac. Ljudi se tako boje ovih strašnih posljedica ne shvaćajući da puno puta kad uđemo u prostoriju i jedna smo od najmoćnijih osoba u toj prostoriji -- mogli bismo biti druga najjača, treća najjača osoba. Čvrsto vjerujem da je naš zadatak u tim vremenima poremetiti što se događa. Ako nismo najmoćniji, ako se još dvoje nama sličnih udruži, to nas čini moćnima. To je poput uvažavanja žene na sastanku, znate već, žene koja ne može doći do riječi ili kao da se brinete da se sluša osobu koja želi nešto dokazati. Naš posao je pobrinuti se da imaju prostora za to. Posao je zajednice da svima bude dobro. Ako to utvrdimo, shvatili bismo da, kad nam treba pomoć, ne bismo trebali toliko tražiti kad bismo se pobrinuli da smo nečija pomoć.
And there are times when I feel like I have taken very public tumbles and falls, like the time when I was asked to speak at a conference, and they wanted me to pay my way there. And then I did some research and found out the white men who spoke there got compensated and got their travel paid for. The white women who spoke there got their travel paid for. The black women who spoke there were expected to actually pay to speak there. And I was like, "What do I do?" And I knew that if I spoke up about this publicly, I could face financial loss. But then I also understood that my silence serves no one. So I fearfully spoke up about it publicly, and other women started coming out to talk about, "I, too, have faced this type of pay inequality." And it started a conversation about discriminatory pay practices that this conference was participating in.
Postoje trenuci kad mislim da sam podnijela vrlo javne padove, kao kad su me zamoljeli da govorim na konferenciji, ali su htjeli da sama platim put. Onda sam malo istražila i saznala da su bijelcima koji su tamo govorili pokriveni troškovi puta. Bijelkinje koje su tamo govorile imale su plaćen put. Od crnkinja koje su tamo govorile očekivalo se da zapravo plate da govore. Mislila sam što da radim i znala sam da ako javno progovorim o ovome, financijski ću biti na gubitku. No, isto tako sam shvaćala da moja tišina ne služi nikome. Tako da sam bez straha javno progovorila o tome i ostale žene su se počele javljati da kažu, "I ja sam se susrela s nejednakosti u plaćanju." To je pokrenulo razgovor o diskriminirajućim praksama u plaćanju u kojima je ta konferencija sudjelovala.
I felt like I was the domino the time I read a disturbing memoir by a public figure and wrote a piece about it. I knew this person was more powerful than me and could impact my career, but I was like, "I've got to do this. I've got to sit at the edge of this plane," maybe for two hours. And I did. And I pressed "Publish," and I ran away.
Osjećala sam se poput domine dok sam čitala uznemirujuće memoare jedne javne ličnosti i pisala o tome. Znala sam da je ta osoba puno moćnija od mene i da može utjecati na moju karijeru, no pomislila sam da moram to napraviti. Moram sjediti na rubu tog aviona, možda dva sata. I jesam. I kliknula sam "Objavi" i pobjegla.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
And I came back to a viral post and people being like, "Oh my God, I'm so glad somebody finally said this." And it started a conversation about mental health and self-care, and I was like, "OK. Alright. This thing that I'm doing, I guess, alright, it's doing something."
Vratila sam se viralnom postu i komentarima ljudi kojima je bilo drago da je netko napokon to izjavio. I to je započelo razgovor o mentalnom zdravlju i samoskrbi i pomislila sam, "Dobro. Izgleda da ovo što činim nešto pokreće."
And then so many people have been the domino when they talk about how they've been assaulted by powerful men. And it's made millions of women join in and say, "Me Too." So, a shout-out to Tarana Burke for igniting that movement.
Mnogi ljudi su bili domine kad su pričali o tome kako su ih napali moćni muškarci. To je utjecalo na to da se milijuni žena udruže i kažu, "Ja isto." Zato, pozdrav Tarani Burke koja je započela taj pokret.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
People and systems count on our silence to keep us exactly where we are. Now, being the domino sometimes comes down to being exactly who you are. So, I've been a shady somebody since I was three.
Ljudi i sustavi računaju na našu tišinu da nas drže točno ondje gdje jesmo. Kad ste domino, nekad se to svodi na to da budete točno ono što jeste. Zato, bila sam sumnjiva od svoje treće godine.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
This is me on my third birthday. But I've been this girl all my life, and I feel like even that's been the domino, because in a world that wants us to walk around as representatives of ourselves, being yourself can be a revolutionary act. And in a world that wants us to whisper, I choose to yell.
Ovo sam ja na svoj treći rođendan. No, ja sam ova djevojčica cijeli svoj život i osjećam da je čak i to bio domino jer u svijetu koji želi da hodamo uokolo kao predstavnici samih sebe, biti svoj može biti revolucionaran čin. U svijetu koji želi da šapćemo, ja biram vikanje.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
When it's time to say these hard things, I ask myself three things. One: Did you mean it? Two: Can you defend it? Three: Did you say it with love? If the answer is yes to all three, I say it and let the chips fall. That's important. That checkpoint with myself always tells me, "Yes, you're supposed to do this." Telling the truth -- telling thoughtful truths -- should not be a revolutionary act. Speaking truths to power should not be sacrificial, but they are. But I think if more of us chose to do this for the greater good, we'd be in better spaces than we are right now.
Kad je vrijeme da se izgovore teške stvari, postavim si tri pitanja. Prvo: Jesi li to mislila? Drugo: Možeš li to obraniti? Treće: Jesi li to rekla s ljubavlju? Ako je odgovor "da" na sva tri pitanja, kažem to i pustim da se ruše domine. To je važno. Ta provjera sa sobom uvijek mi kaže, "Da, trebaš to činiti." Govoriti istinu -- govoriti obazrivu istinu -- ne bi trebao biti revolucionaran čin. Boriti se istinom protiv moći ne bi trebalo biti požrtvovno, ali jest. No, mislim da ako nas se više odluči da ovo činimo za više dobro, bilo bi nam bolje nego sada.
Speaking of the greater good, I think we commit ourselves to telling truths to build bridges to common ground, and bridges that aren't based on truth will collapse. So it is our job, it is our obligation, it is our duty to speak truth to power, to be the domino, not just when it's difficult -- especially when it's difficult.
Govorenjem o višem dobru mislim da se obvezujemo time da istinom gradimo mostove među zajedničkim temeljima, a mostovi koji se ne zasnivaju na istini srušit će se. Stoga je naš posao, naša obaveza, naša dužnost da se istinom suprotstavimo moći da budemo domine ne samo kada je teško -- posebice onda kada je teško.
Thank you.
Hvala.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)