"Mom, who are these people?" It was an innocent question from my young daughter Alia around the time when she was three. We were walking along with my husband in one of Abu Dhabi's big fancy malls. Alia was peering at a huge poster standing tall in the middle of the mall. It featured the three rulers of the United Arab Emirates. As she tucked in my side, I bent down and explained that these were the rulers of the UAE who had worked hard to develop their nation and preserve its unity. She asked, "Mom, why is it that here where we live, and back in Lebanon, where grandma and grandpa live, we never see the pictures of powerful women on the walls? Is it because women are not important?"
「媽咪,呢啲係咩人啊?」 呢個天真嘅問題喺我細女 Alia 喺大概三歲個時提出嚟嘅 當時我哋同我先生一齊 喺 Abu Dhabi 嘅一間大型商場行街 Alia 望住掛喺 商場正中央高處嘅巨幅海報 上面有阿拉伯聯合酋長國嘅三位酋長 佢匿埋我嘅身後 我彎低腰,同佢講 佢哋係阿聯酋嘅酋長 佢哋努力發展佢哋嘅國家 維護國家嘅統一 佢問 ︰「媽咪,點解喺度 同埋喺公公婆婆住嘅黎巴嫩, 我哋都冇見到有女強人嘅相掛喺牆上, 係唔係因為女性唔重要?」
This is probably the hardest question I've had to answer in my years as a parent and in my 16-plus years of professional life, for that matter. I had grown up in my hometown in Lebanon, the younger of two daughters to a very hard-working pilot and director of operations for the Lebanese Airlines and a super-supportive stay-at-home mom and grandma. My father had encouraged my sister and I to pursue our education even though our culture emphasized at the time that it was sons and not daughters who should be professionally motivated. I was one of very few girls of my generation who left home at 18 to study abroad. My father didn't have a son, and so I, in a sense, became his.
呢個大概係我為人母以來 同埋我 16 年職業生涯中最難答嘅問題 我喺黎巴嫩嘅家鄉長大 我係屋企嘅細妹 長大之後做咗一位飛行員 到後嚟黎巴嫩航空運行總監 再之後成為全職媽媽同抱孫 我爸爸鼓勵我哋兩姊妹去追求學業 雖然當時我哋嘅文化認為 只有男仔而非女仔 先可獲得深造嘅機會 我係我嗰代人其中一個為數不多嘅 女仔喺 18 歲出國留學 我爸爸膝下無子 所以喺某種程度上,我就係佢嘅仔
Fast-forward a couple of decades, and I hope I didn't do too badly in making my father proud of his would-be son. As I got my Bachelor's and PhD in electrical engineering, did R and D in the UK, then consulting in the Middle East, I have always been in male-dominated environments. Truth be told, I have never found a role model I could truly identify with. My mother's generation wasn't into professional leadership. There were some encouraging men along the way, but none knew the demands and pressures I was facing, pressures that got particularly acute when I had my own two beautiful children. And although Western women love to give us poor, oppressed Arab women advice, they live different lives with different constraints.
如果時光可以倒流幾十年 我希望自己成為爸爸自豪嘅「仔」 當我取得電氣工程嘅學士、博士學位 喺英國做研發,喺中東做技術顧問 我一直都處於由男人掌控嘅環境 老實講,我從未搵到我真心認同嘅榜樣 我媽媽嗰代人,冇女人擠身到領導層 我一直都遇到一啲好好人嘅男上司 但係冇一個人知道我嘅需要同壓力 特別係有咗兩個細路之後雪上加霜 雖然西方女人樂意畀建議我 呢啲貧窮、受壓迫嘅阿拉伯女人 但係佢哋嘅生活同制肘同我哋截然不同
So Arab women of my generation have had to become our own role models. We have had to juggle more than Arab men, and we have had to face more cultural rigidity than Western women. As a result, I would like to think that we poor, oppressed women actually have some useful, certainly hard-earned lessons to share, lessons that might turn out useful for anyone wishing to thrive in the modern world. Here are three of mine.
所以我呢一代嘅阿拉伯女性 必須要成為自己嘅榜樣 我哋需要比阿拉伯男性能加能幹 必須要承受比西方女性更嚴重嘅偏見 因此,我認為我哋 呢啲貧窮、受壓迫嘅女人 有一啲有用、來之不易嘅經驗要分享 呢啲經驗可能會 對渴望立足於當今世界嘅人有用 以下喺我嘅三個經驗
["Convert their sh*t into your fuel."]
[ 將佢哋嘅垃圾(負能量) 變成你嘅燃料(動力) ]
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
(Applause)
(掌聲)
There is this word that everybody is touting as the key to success: resilience. Well, what exactly is resilience, and how do you develop it? I believe resilience is simply the ability to transform shit into fuel.
以下詞語受每個人 奉為成功嘅不二法門: 堅忍 但「堅忍」實際係乜嘢,又要點培養? 我堅信堅忍就係將 負能量轉化為動力嘅能力
In my previous job, well before my current firm, I was working with a man we will call John. I had teamed up with John and was working hard, hoping he would notice how great I was and that he would come to support my case to make partner at the firm. I was, in addition to delivering on my consulting projects, writing passionately on the topic of women economic empowerment. One day, I got to present my research to a roomful of MBA students. John was part of the audience listening for the first time to the details of my study. As I proceeded with my presentation, I could see John in the corner of my eye. He had turned a dark shade of pink and had slid under his chair in apparent shame.
好耐之前我喺前東家工作 我同一個男同事,我哋叫佢 John 我同 John 搭檔,我好努力工作 希望佢可以意識到我有幾咁出色 咁佢就會支持我喺公司裏面同人搭檔 當時,除咗交我嘅顧問報告 我仲好有熱情研究女性嘅經濟權力 有一日,我要向成間房嘅 工管碩士生報告研究 John 係其中一位聽眾 佢第一次聽我研究嘅內容 當我繼續我嘅報告時 我睇到 John 佢面色漲紅 好似羞愧咁癱坐喺張椅度
I finished my presentation to an applauding audience and we rushed out and jumped into the car. There he exploded. "What you did up there was unacceptable! You are a consultant, not an activist!" I said, "John, I don't understand. I presented a couple of gender parity indices, and some conclusions about the Arab world. Yes, we do happen to be today at the bottom of the index, but what is it that I said or presented that was not factual?"
當報告完畢,聽眾拍手 我哋飛奔出去,坐上車 佢突然之間情緒爆發咁 「你啱啱講嘅嘢令人難以接受! 你係顧問,唔係搞社運!」 我講︰「John,我唔明, 我舉出咗幾個性別平等指數 同埋一啲關於阿拉伯世界嘅結論。 冇錯,喺指數上 我哋依家確實處於劣勢, 但點可以否認我嘅報告呢?」
To which he replied, "The whole premise of your study is wrong. What you are doing is dangerous and will break the social fabric of our society." He paused, then added, "When women have children, their place is in the home."
佢反駁︰ 「你成個研究嘅前提都係錯嘅, 無異於玩火自焚, 破壞我哋社會結構。」 佢停咗一下,又繼續講 「女人有咗細路之後, 家庭就係歸宿。」
Time stood still for a long while, and all I could think and repeat in the chaos of my brain was: "You can forget about that partnership, Leila. It's just never going to happen." It took me a couple of days to fully absorb this incident and its implications, but once I did, I reached three conclusions. One, that these were his issues, his complexes. There may be many like him in our society, but I would never let their issues become mine. Two, that I needed another sponsor, and fast.
時間繼續流逝 混亂中我唯一諗到、重複嘅係: 「Leila,你可以忘記呢段搭檔關係, 佢已經成為過去。」 我用咗幾日去完全消化呢件事 後來,我得出咗三個結論 第一,呢啲係佢嘅問題 係佢糾纏 可能呢個社會中有好多人同佢一樣嘅人 但係我冇必要令到佢成為我嘅問題 第二,我需要快啲搵到另一個贊助人
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
I got one, by the way, and boy, was he great. And three, that I would get to show John what women with children can do. I apply this lesson equally well to my personal life. As I have progressed in my career, I have received many words of encouragement, but I have also often been met by women, men and couples who have clearly had an issue with my husband and I having chosen the path of a dual-career couple.
順帶一提,我搵到咗一個 仲係個好男仔 第三,我想畀 John 睇到 人母都可以事業有成 我將呢個經驗好好咁實踐喺個人生活 當我事業有成 我聽到好多鼓勵之詞 但係都有好多男人、女人、夫妻 對我哋夫妻都外出工作嘅選擇 感到不解
So you get this well-meaning couple who tells you straight out at a family gathering or at a friends gathering, that, come on, you must know you're not a great mom, given how much you're investing in your career, right? I would lie if I said these words didn't hurt. My children are the most precious thing to me, and the thought that I could be failing them in any way is intolerable. But just like I did with John, I quickly reminded myself that these were their issues, their complexes. So instead of replying, I gave back one of my largest smiles as I saw, in flashing light, the following sign in my mind's eye.
呢啲人會喺家庭聚會、朋友聚會上面 話你唔係個好媽媽 因為你將好多心機擺喺工作裏邊 如果我話呢啲話唔傷人,係呃人 仔女對我嚟講係最珍貴嘅 任何覺得我會辜負仔女嘅諗法 都難以忍受 但係就好似我對 John 咁 我好快就提醒自己呢啲係佢哋嘅問題 係佢哋糾結 所以與其回答 我只係笑臉相迎 因為有一樣嘢浮現喺我腦海裏面 [ 做人最緊要開心。]
[Be happy, it drives people crazy.]
(掌聲)
(Applause)
You see, as a young woman in these situations, you have two options. You can either decide to internalize these negative messages that are being thrown at you, to let them make you feel like a failure, like success is way too hard to ever achieve, or you can choose to see that others' negativity is their own issue, and instead transform it into your own personal fuel. I have learned to always go for option two, and I have found that it has taken me from strength to strength. And it's true what they say: success is the best revenge.
身陷呢啲情況嘅年輕女人 有兩個選擇 一係選擇接收負能量 令你覺得自己係失敗者 就好似成功永遠都遙不可及 抑或係你視人哋嘅消極與你無關 並且將佢嘅消極轉化成你嘅積極 我往往會選擇第二個 我意識到咁會令到我內心更加強大 至理名言: 成功係最好嘅復仇
Some women in the Middle East are lucky enough to be married to someone supportive of their career. Correction: I should say "smart enough," because who you marry is your own choice, and you'd better marry someone supportive if you plan to have a long career. Still today, the Arab man is not an equal contributor in the home. It's simply not expected by our society, and even frowned upon as not very manly. As for the Arab woman, our society still assumes that her primary source of happiness should be the happiness and prosperity of her children and husband. She mostly exists for her family. Things are changing, but it will take time.
一啲中東嘅女性可以嫁畀 一個支持佢哋事業嘅人 實在係三生有幸 糾正:應該係「有智慧」至真 因為你同邊個結婚,係你自己嘅選擇 如果想有事業有長遠發展 你最好搵返個支持你嘅人 時至今日,阿拉伯男性依然 冇對家庭承擔起同等應負嘅責任 當然我哋嘅社會都冇期待過 甚至認為係一種冇男子氣概嘅行為 至於阿拉伯女性,我哋嘅社會依然認為 一個女人嘅幸福應該嚟自於仔女同丈夫 女性為佢嘅家庭而生 但一切都會改變,只係需要時間啫
For now, it means that the professional Arab woman has to somehow maintain the perfect home, make sure that her children's every need is being taken care of and manage her demanding career. To achieve this, I have found the hard way that you need to apply your hard-earned professional skills to your personal life. You need to work your life.
咁意味著,依家阿拉伯嘅職業女性 既要想辦法維繫完美家庭 又要保證佢嘅細路仔嘅所有需求 得到滿足 同時又要為高要求嘅工作拼搏 為咗做到曬以上三樣嘢 我搵到一個方法 使你應用來之不易嘅職業技能 到個人生活上 你需要活出你嘅生活
Here is how I do this in my personal life. One thing to know about the Middle East is that nearly every family has access to affordable domestic help. The challenge therefore becomes how to recruit effectively. Just like I would in my business life, I have based the selection of who would support me with my children while I'm at work on a strong referral. Cristina had worked for four years with my sister and the quality of her work was well-established. She is now an integral member of our family, having been with us since Alia was six months old. She makes sure that the house is running smoothly while I'm at work, and I make sure to empower her in the most optimal conditions for her and my children, just like I would my best talent at work. This lesson applies whatever your childcare situation, whether an au pair, nursery, part-time nanny that you share with someone else. Choose very carefully, and empower.
呢個就係我生活中嘅做法 有一件關於中東嘅事係你要知道嘅 就係幾乎每個家庭都請得起家庭工 因此難題就變成咗點樣有效招聘 就好似作為商人,我會傾向於選擇 既喺我工作嗰時 可以幫我照顧細路仔嘅人 又係受人強烈推薦嘅 Cristina 同我姐姐做咗四年工 佢嘅表現無可挑剔 依家佢係我哋家庭不可缺少嘅一份子 從 Alia 6 個月大個時就同我們一齊生活 佢確保我工作嗰時屋企得到適切打理 而我會為佢提供一個 對佢同我細路仔都最為適合嘅環境 就好似我會喺工作中做到最好一樣 呢個經驗對兒童都啱用 無論你用緊嘅係互惠生、托兒所 抑或兼職保姆 看護人當然要非常謹慎咁揀 但亦都要放手畀看護人
If you look at my calendar, you will see every working day one and a half hours from 7pm to 8:30pm UAE time blocked and called "family time." This is sacred time. I have done this ever since Alia was a baby. I do everything in my power to protect this time so that I can be home by then to spend quality time with my children, asking them about their day, checking up on homework, reading them a bedtime story and giving them lots of kisses and cuddles. If I'm traveling, in whatever the time zone, I use Skype to connect with my children even if I am miles away. Our son Burhan is five years old, and he's learning to read and do basic maths.
如果你嚟睇睇我嘅日曆 你就會發現每個工作日嘅 晚上 7 點到 8 點半 呢一個半鐘 都劃做「家庭時間」 呢個係「神聖」嘅時間 從 Alia 係嬰兒嗰時我就開始咁做 我盡我一切所能去分配呢段時間 咁我就可以喺屋企 好好同我嘅細路仔共處 譬如問下佢哋今日過得點樣 檢查佢哋嘅功課 同佢哋講一個睡前故事 錫下佢哋、攬下佢哋 如果我去咗旅遊,無論喺邊個時區 儘管相隔千里 我都會用 Skype 同細路仔聯絡 我哋嘅仔仔 Burhan 依家五歲大 佢喺度學緊做簡單嘅數學題
Here's another confession: I have found that our daughter is actually more successful at teaching him these skills than I am.
我又要坦白另一件事: 我發現我哋個女比我更有效教仔仔數學
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
It started as a game, but Alia loves playing teacher to her little brother, and I have found that these sessions actually improve Burhan's literacy, increase Alia's sense of responsibility, and strengthen the bonding between them, a win-win all around.
一開始只係一個遊戲 但 Alia 鍾意扮成老師教弟弟 而我發現呢個過程提高咗 Burhan 識字能力 增加咗 Alia 嘅責任感 同時令佢哋嘅感情更加深厚 咁係一件雙贏嘅事
The successful Arab women I know have each found their unique approach to working their life as they continue to shoulder the lion's share of responsibility in the home.
我所知道嘅成功阿拉伯女性 都搵到獨特嘅方法去過佢哋嘅生活 同時仲要承受家庭重擔 但係呢個唔單只關乎同時勝任 職業女性同母親呢兩種角色
But this is not just about surviving in your dual role as a career woman and mother. This is also about being in the present. When I am with my children, I try to leave work out of our lives. Instead of worrying about how many minutes I can spend with them every day, I focus on turning these minutes into memorable moments, moments where I'm seeing my kids, hearing them, connecting with them.
仲關乎活在當下 當我同我嘅細路仔一齊嗰時 我盡力唔掂工作 與其擔心每日有幾多時間 可以同佢哋一齊 我會將天倫之樂轉化為美好嘅回憶 所謂天倫之樂,就係我望住細路仔 聆聽佢哋心聲,同佢哋喺埋一齊
["Join forces, don't compete."]
[ 合作好過競爭。]
Arab women of my generation have not been very visible in the public eye as they grew up. This explains, I think, to some extent, why you find so few women in politics in the Arab world. The upside of this, however, is that we have spent a lot of time developing a social skill behind the scenes, in coffee shops, in living rooms, on the phone, a social skill that is very important to success: networking. I would say the average Arab woman has a large network of friends and acquaintances. The majority of those are also women.
我呢一代嘅阿拉伯女性 冇好好得到公眾關注 咁就可以解釋 點解阿拉伯世界咁少女性從政 但係,咁有一個好處 通過花費大量時間喺幕後 包括咖啡店、客廳 同電話裏面 我哋發展出 一種對成功至關重要嘅社會技能: 網絡 我可以講一般嘅阿拉伯女性 都有龐大嘅社交網絡 呢個網絡當中主要都係女性
In the West, it seems like ambitious women often compare themselves to other women hoping to be noticed as the most successful woman in the room. This leads to the much-spoken-about competitive behavior between professional women. If there's only room for one woman at the top, then you can't make room for others, much less lift them up.
喺西方,有野心嘅女人 似乎經常會將自己同人哋比較 希望被認受為最為出類拔萃嘅女人 呢個就引伸出老生常談嘅 職業女性之間嘅競爭行為 如果最高職位只能夠畀一位女性坐 其他人就冇機會上,更加唔好提拔
Arab women, generally speaking, have not fallen for this psychological trap. Faced with a patriarchal society, they have found that by helping each other out, all benefit.
一般嚟講,阿拉伯女性 冇踩入呢個心理陷阱 反而生活喺一個男尊女卑嘅社會 佢哋發現互相幫助 會令所有人受惠
In my previous job, I was the most senior woman in the Middle East, so one could think that investing in my network of female colleagues couldn't bring many benefits and that I should instead invest my time developing my relationships with male seniors and peers. Yet two of my biggest breaks came through the support of other women. It was the head of marketing who initially suggested I be considered as a young global leader to the World Economic Forum. She was familiar with my media engagements and my publications, and when she was asked to voice her opinion, she highlighted my name. It was a young consultant, a Saudi lady and friend, who helped me sell my first project in Saudi Arabia, a market I was finding hard to gain traction in as a woman. She introduced me to a client, and that introduction led to the first of very many projects for me in Saudi. Today, I have two senior women on my team, and I see making them successful as key to my own success. Women continue to advance in the world, not fast enough, but we're moving.
我之前份工嘅職級 係中東國家婦女之中最高 所以有人會認為 我投資喺在職婦女身上毫無好處 反而認為我應該將自己嘅時間 發展同男性前輩、同輩嘅關係 但我兩個最大嘅突破 都源自其他女性嘅支持 一位市場推廣巨頭最初建議 我以年輕全球領袖嘅身分 出席世界經濟論壇 佢熟悉我嘅媒體活動同出版物 當佢被邀請發表意見個時 佢提到我︰ 「一位任職顧問嘅年輕沙特女性朋友 幫我推銷沙特第一個項目。 嗰時我因為女性身份屢屢碰壁, 佢將我介紹畀一位顧客, 到我後來接手做好多沙特嘅項目。 依家,我嘅團隊裏面有兩位資深女性, 我將佢哋嘅成功視為 自己成功嘅關鍵。」 女性繼續進步 雖然唔夠快,但係我哋一直都進步緊
The Arab world, too, is making progress, despite many recent setbacks. Just this year, the UAE appointed five new female ministers to its cabinet, for a total of eight female ministers. That's nearly 28 percent of the cabinet, and more than many developed countries can claim. This is today my daughter Alia's favorite picture. This is the result, no doubt, of great leadership, but it is also the result of strong Arab women not giving up and continuously pushing the boundaries. It is the result of Arab women deciding every day like me to convert shit into fuel, to work their life to keep work out of their life, and to join forces and not compete.
同樣,阿拉伯世界 雖然困難重重,都有進步 就喺今年,阿聯酋內閣 任命五位女性大臣 令女性大臣總共有八位 所占比例大概係內閣人數嘅 28% 遠多於好多發達國家政府內閣嘅比例 呢張係我嘅女 Alia 最鍾意嘅相 毫無疑問,呢個係 優秀領導之下嘅豐碩成果 亦都係堅強嘅阿拉伯女性嘅奮鬥成果 佢哋從未放棄,為打破藩籬而孜孜不倦 呢個結果反映阿拉伯女性好似我咁 每日將負能量轉換成動力 活出佢哋嘅生活,而平時唔講工作 唔鬥個你死我活,反之一齊合作
As I look to the future, my hopes for my daughter when she stands on this stage some 20, 30 years from now are that she be as proud to call herself her mother's daughter as her father's daughter.
當我展望未來 我希望佢我嘅女 二三十年之後企喺呢個舞臺上 因為自己係佢父母嘅女而自豪
My hopes for my son are that by then, the expression "her mother's son" or "mama's boy" would have taken on a completely different meaning.
我希望我嘅仔長大之後 「佢媽媽嘅仔」或者「媽咪嘅乖仔」 兩種嘅表述會有截然不同嘅意義
Thank you.
多謝
(Applause)
(掌聲)