"Mom, who are these people?" It was an innocent question from my young daughter Alia around the time when she was three. We were walking along with my husband in one of Abu Dhabi's big fancy malls. Alia was peering at a huge poster standing tall in the middle of the mall. It featured the three rulers of the United Arab Emirates. As she tucked in my side, I bent down and explained that these were the rulers of the UAE who had worked hard to develop their nation and preserve its unity. She asked, "Mom, why is it that here where we live, and back in Lebanon, where grandma and grandpa live, we never see the pictures of powerful women on the walls? Is it because women are not important?"
„Mama, ko su oni ljudi?“ Bilo je to nevino pitanje moje ćerke Alije otprilike kad je imala tri godine. Šetale smo sa mojim mužem u jednom od velikih i luksuznih tržnih centara u Abu Dabiju. Alija je posmatrala ogroman poster koji je ponosno stajao usred tržnog centra. Predstavljao je tri vladara Ujedinjenih Arapskih Emirata. Dok se priljubljivala uz mene, sagnula sam se i obasnila da su to vladari Ujedinjenih Arapskih Emirata koji su naporno radili na razvoju svoje nacije i očuvanju njenog jedinstva. Upitala je: „Mama, kako to da ovde gde živimo, kao i tamo u Libanu, gde žive baka i deka, nikada na zidovima ne vidimo slike moćnih žena? Da li je to zato što žene nisu važne?“
This is probably the hardest question I've had to answer in my years as a parent and in my 16-plus years of professional life, for that matter. I had grown up in my hometown in Lebanon, the younger of two daughters to a very hard-working pilot and director of operations for the Lebanese Airlines and a super-supportive stay-at-home mom and grandma. My father had encouraged my sister and I to pursue our education even though our culture emphasized at the time that it was sons and not daughters who should be professionally motivated. I was one of very few girls of my generation who left home at 18 to study abroad. My father didn't have a son, and so I, in a sense, became his.
Ovo je verovatno najteže pitanje na koje sam morala da odgovorim kao roditelj, kao i u periodu svog profesionalnog života od više od 16 godina, štaviše. Odrasla sam u svom rodnom gradu u Libanu kao mlađa od dve ćerke veoma vrednog pilota i direktora operacija „Libanskih aerolinija“ i mame i bake, domaćica koje su pružale mnogo podrške. Moj otac je podsticao moju sestru i mene da stremimo ka obrazovanju, iako je naša kultura u to vreme naglašavala da sinovi, a ne ćerke treba da budu profesionalno motivisani. Bila sam jedna od nekolicine devojaka iz svoje generacije koja je otišla od kuće sa 18 godina da bi studirala u inostranstvu. Moj otac nije imao sina, pa sam tako ja, na neki način, to postala.
Fast-forward a couple of decades, and I hope I didn't do too badly in making my father proud of his would-be son. As I got my Bachelor's and PhD in electrical engineering, did R and D in the UK, then consulting in the Middle East, I have always been in male-dominated environments. Truth be told, I have never found a role model I could truly identify with. My mother's generation wasn't into professional leadership. There were some encouraging men along the way, but none knew the demands and pressures I was facing, pressures that got particularly acute when I had my own two beautiful children. And although Western women love to give us poor, oppressed Arab women advice, they live different lives with different constraints.
Ako premotamo unapred par decenija, nadam se da nisam podbacila u tome da učinim oca ponosnim na svog tobožnjeg sina. Dok sam sticala svoju diplomu i titulu doktora električnog inženjeringa, bavila se istraživanjem i razvojem u Britaniji, a zatim konsaltingom na Srednjem istoku, uvek sam bila u sredinama kojima dominiraju muškarci. Iskreno, nikada nisam pronašla uzor sa kojim bih se zaista identifikovala. Generaciju moje majke nije zanimalo profesionalno vođstvo. Usput je bilo muškaraca koji su me ohrabrivali, ali niko od njih nije znao sa kakvim sam se zahtevima i pritiscima suočavala, pritiscima koji su postali naročito jaki kada sam dobila dvoje prelepe dece. Mada zapadnjačke žene vole da savetuju nas sirote, potlačene Arapkinje, one žive drugačijim životima sa drugačijim ograničenjima.
So Arab women of my generation have had to become our own role models. We have had to juggle more than Arab men, and we have had to face more cultural rigidity than Western women. As a result, I would like to think that we poor, oppressed women actually have some useful, certainly hard-earned lessons to share, lessons that might turn out useful for anyone wishing to thrive in the modern world. Here are three of mine.
Zato su Arapkinje moje generacije morale da postanu sopstveni uzori. Morale smo da žongliramo sa više stvari neko arapski muškarci i morale smo da se suočimo sa više kulturološke rigidnosti nego zapadnjačke žene. Kao rezultat, volela bih da mislim da mi, sirote, potlačene žene, zapravo imamo neke korisne, svakako mukom stečene lekcije da podelimo, za koje bi se moglo ispostaviti da su korisne za svakog ko želi da uspe u savremenom svetu. Evo tri moje lekcije.
["Convert their sh*t into your fuel."]
[„Pretvorite njihovo sra**e u vaše gorivo.“]
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
There is this word that everybody is touting as the key to success: resilience. Well, what exactly is resilience, and how do you develop it? I believe resilience is simply the ability to transform shit into fuel.
Postoji reč koju svi hvale kao ključ uspeha - otpornost. Pa, šta je tačno otpornost i kako da je razvijete? Smatram da je otpornost jednostavno sposobnost da pretvorite sranje u gorivo.
In my previous job, well before my current firm, I was working with a man we will call John. I had teamed up with John and was working hard, hoping he would notice how great I was and that he would come to support my case to make partner at the firm. I was, in addition to delivering on my consulting projects, writing passionately on the topic of women economic empowerment. One day, I got to present my research to a roomful of MBA students. John was part of the audience listening for the first time to the details of my study. As I proceeded with my presentation, I could see John in the corner of my eye. He had turned a dark shade of pink and had slid under his chair in apparent shame.
Na mom prethodnom poslu, mnogo pre moje trenutne firme, radila sam sa čovekom koga ćemo zvati Džon. Sarađivala sam sa Džonom i naporno radila, nadajući se da će primetiti koliko sam sjajna i da će podržati moj predlog da postanem partner u firmi. Pored izvršavanja svojih projekata vezanih za konsalting, strastveno sam pisala na temu ekonomskog osnaživanja žena. Jednog dana mi je zapalo da predstavim svoje istraživanje pred punom prostorijom master studenata poslovne administracije. Džon je bio u publici, po prvi put je slušao detalje mog istraživanja. Dok sam nastavljala sa prezentacijom, mogla sam da vidim Džona krajičkom oka. Dobio je tamno roze nijansu i skliznuo pod stolicu u očiglednoj posramljenosti.
I finished my presentation to an applauding audience and we rushed out and jumped into the car. There he exploded. "What you did up there was unacceptable! You are a consultant, not an activist!" I said, "John, I don't understand. I presented a couple of gender parity indices, and some conclusions about the Arab world. Yes, we do happen to be today at the bottom of the index, but what is it that I said or presented that was not factual?"
Završila sam svoju prezentaciju pred publikom koja je aplaudirala, izjurili smo i uskočili u auto. Tu je eksplodirao. „To što si uradila tamo je neprihvatljivo! Ti si konsultant, a ne aktivista!“ Rekla sam: „Džone, ne razumem. Iznela sam par pokazatelja rodne jednakosti i nekoliko zaključaka o arapskom svetu. Da, zaista smo danas na dnu pokazatelja, ali šta od onoga što sam rekla ili predstavila nije činjenično?“
To which he replied, "The whole premise of your study is wrong. What you are doing is dangerous and will break the social fabric of our society." He paused, then added, "When women have children, their place is in the home."
Na to je odgovorio: „Čitava premisa tvog istraživanja je pogrešna. To što radiš je opasno i srušiće socijalnu strukturu našeg društva.“ Pauzirao je i zatim dodao: „Kada žene imaju decu, njihovo mesto je kod kuće.“
Time stood still for a long while, and all I could think and repeat in the chaos of my brain was: "You can forget about that partnership, Leila. It's just never going to happen." It took me a couple of days to fully absorb this incident and its implications, but once I did, I reached three conclusions. One, that these were his issues, his complexes. There may be many like him in our society, but I would never let their issues become mine. Two, that I needed another sponsor, and fast.
Vreme je stalo na duže vreme i jedino o čemu sam mogla da mislim i ponavljam u tom haosu u glavi bilo je: „Možeš da zaboraviš na partnerstvo, Lejla. To se jednostavno nikada neće desiti.“ Bilo mi je potrebno par dana da sasvim upijem ovaj incident i njegove posledice, ali kada sam to učinila, došla sam do tri zaključka. Prvo, da su to njegovi problemi, njegovi kompleksi. Može biti mnogo takvih kao on u našem društvu, ali nikada neću dopustiti da njihovi problemi postanu moji. Drugo, da mi je potreban drugi sponzor i to brzo.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
I got one, by the way, and boy, was he great. And three, that I would get to show John what women with children can do. I apply this lesson equally well to my personal life. As I have progressed in my career, I have received many words of encouragement, but I have also often been met by women, men and couples who have clearly had an issue with my husband and I having chosen the path of a dual-career couple.
Dobila sam ga, uzgred, i bio je neverovatan. Treće, da ću pokazati Džonu šta žene sa decom mogu. Ovu lekciju primenjujem pojednako dobro na svoj lični život. Dok sam napredovala u svojoj karijeri, primila sam mnogo reči podstreka, ali sam takođe često nailazila na žene, muškarce i parove koji su očigledno imali problem sa tim što smo moj muž i ja odabrali put para sa dve karijere.
So you get this well-meaning couple who tells you straight out at a family gathering or at a friends gathering, that, come on, you must know you're not a great mom, given how much you're investing in your career, right? I would lie if I said these words didn't hurt. My children are the most precious thing to me, and the thought that I could be failing them in any way is intolerable. But just like I did with John, I quickly reminded myself that these were their issues, their complexes. So instead of replying, I gave back one of my largest smiles as I saw, in flashing light, the following sign in my mind's eye.
Tako imate dobronamerni par koji vam direktno kaže na porodičnom okupljanju ili okupljanju prijatelja da, ma daj, moraš znati da nisi sjajna mama, s obzirom na to koliko ulažeš u svoju karijeru, zar ne? Lagala bih kad bih rekla da te reči nisu bolele. Moja deca su za mene najdragocenija i misao da bih ih mogla izneveriti na bilo koji način je nepodnošljiva. Međutim, baš kao i sa Džonom, brzo sam podsetila sebe da su to njihovi problemi, njihovi kompleksi. Tako, umesto da odgovorim, uzvratila sam jednim od najvećih osmeha dok sam videla, u blještavom svetlu, sledeći natpis u svom umu.
[Be happy, it drives people crazy.]
[Budi srećna, to izluđuje ljude.]
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
You see, as a young woman in these situations, you have two options. You can either decide to internalize these negative messages that are being thrown at you, to let them make you feel like a failure, like success is way too hard to ever achieve, or you can choose to see that others' negativity is their own issue, and instead transform it into your own personal fuel. I have learned to always go for option two, and I have found that it has taken me from strength to strength. And it's true what they say: success is the best revenge.
Vidite, kao mlada žena u tim situacijima, imate dve opcije. Možete ili da odlučite da internalizujete te negativne poruke koje vam se upućuju, da dozvolite da učine da se osetite kao promašaj, kao da je uspeh isuviše teško postići, ili možete odabrati da vidite da je negativnost drugih njihov problem i umesto toga je preobraziti u sopstveni pogon. Naučila sam da uvek biram drugu opciju i otkrila sam da me je to činilo sve jačom i jačom. Istina je ono što kažu: uspeh je najbolja osveta.
Some women in the Middle East are lucky enough to be married to someone supportive of their career. Correction: I should say "smart enough," because who you marry is your own choice, and you'd better marry someone supportive if you plan to have a long career. Still today, the Arab man is not an equal contributor in the home. It's simply not expected by our society, and even frowned upon as not very manly. As for the Arab woman, our society still assumes that her primary source of happiness should be the happiness and prosperity of her children and husband. She mostly exists for her family. Things are changing, but it will take time.
Neke žene na Srednjem istoku imaju dovoljno sreće da se udaju za nekog ko podržava njihovu karijeru. Ispravka, trebalo bi da kažem „imaju dovoljno pameti“, jer je to za koga se udajete vaš izbor, a bolje bi vam bilo da se udate za nekog ko vas podržava ako planirate dugu karijeru. I dan danas, arapski muškarac ne doprinosi jednako u kući. To naše društvo jednostavno ne očekuje, pa čak se i mršte na to kao nemuževno. Što se tiče arapske žene, naše društvo još pretpostavlja da njen glavni izvor sreće treba da bude sreća i napredak njene dece i muža. Ona uglavnom postoji zbog svoje porodice. Stvari se menjaju, ali potrajaće.
For now, it means that the professional Arab woman has to somehow maintain the perfect home, make sure that her children's every need is being taken care of and manage her demanding career. To achieve this, I have found the hard way that you need to apply your hard-earned professional skills to your personal life. You need to work your life.
Za sada, to znači da profesionalna Arapkinja mora da nekako održava savršen dom, da se postara da su zbrinute sve potrebe njene dece i da upravlja svojom zahtevnom karijerom. Radi ostvarenja ovoga, pronašla sam težak način, da morate da primenite svoje mukom stečene profesionalne veštine na privatni život. Treba da uredite svoj život.
Here is how I do this in my personal life. One thing to know about the Middle East is that nearly every family has access to affordable domestic help. The challenge therefore becomes how to recruit effectively. Just like I would in my business life, I have based the selection of who would support me with my children while I'm at work on a strong referral. Cristina had worked for four years with my sister and the quality of her work was well-established. She is now an integral member of our family, having been with us since Alia was six months old. She makes sure that the house is running smoothly while I'm at work, and I make sure to empower her in the most optimal conditions for her and my children, just like I would my best talent at work. This lesson applies whatever your childcare situation, whether an au pair, nursery, part-time nanny that you share with someone else. Choose very carefully, and empower.
Evo kako ja to radim u svom privatnom životu. Ono što treba da znate o Srednjem istoku je da skoro svaka porodica ima pristup povoljnoj kućnoj pomoći. Iz toga proističe izazov kako efektno regrutovati. Kao što bih i u svom poslovnom životu, zasnovala sam odabir toga ko će mi biti potpora kod dece dok sam na poslu na jakoj preporuci. Kristina je radila četiri godine sa mojom sestrom i kvalitet njenog rada je dobro poznat. Ona je sada sastavni deo naše porodice, pošto je sa nama otkad je Alija imala šest meseci. Stara se o tome da u kući sve neometano teče dok sam na poslu, a ja se staram o tome da je osnažim u najpovoljnijim uslovima za nju i moju decu, baš kao što bih učinila i sa najboljim talentima na poslu. Ova lekcija se odnosi na bilo koju situaciju sa negom dece, bilo da je to dadilja, vrtić, honorarna dadilja koju delite sa nekim drugim. Odaberite vrlo pažljivo i osnažite.
If you look at my calendar, you will see every working day one and a half hours from 7pm to 8:30pm UAE time blocked and called "family time." This is sacred time. I have done this ever since Alia was a baby. I do everything in my power to protect this time so that I can be home by then to spend quality time with my children, asking them about their day, checking up on homework, reading them a bedtime story and giving them lots of kisses and cuddles. If I'm traveling, in whatever the time zone, I use Skype to connect with my children even if I am miles away. Our son Burhan is five years old, and he's learning to read and do basic maths.
Ako pogledate moj kalendar, videćete da je svakog radnog dana jedan i po sat, između 7 i 8:30 popodne po vremenu Ujedinjenih Arapskih Emirata blokiran i nazvan „vreme za porodicu“. To je sveto vreme. To radim otkad je Alija bila beba. Činim sve što je u mojoj moći da bih zaštitila ovo vreme tako da do tada mogu da budem kod kuće da provedem kvalitetno vreme sa decom, da ih pitam kako su proveli dan, da im proverim domaće zadatke, pročitam im priču pred spavanje i puno ih izljubim i izgrlim. Ako putujem, u kojoj god da sam vremenskoj zoni, koristim Skajp da se čujem sa decom čak i ako sam kilometrima daleko. Naš sin Burhan ima pet godina i uči da čita i vrši osnovne matematičke operacije.
Here's another confession: I have found that our daughter is actually more successful at teaching him these skills than I am.
Evo još jednog priznanja. Otkrila sam da ga naša ćerka zapravo uspešnije podučava ovim veštinama od mene.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
It started as a game, but Alia loves playing teacher to her little brother, and I have found that these sessions actually improve Burhan's literacy, increase Alia's sense of responsibility, and strengthen the bonding between them, a win-win all around.
Počelo je kao igra, ali Alija obožava da se igra učiteljice svog malog brata, i otkrila sam da ti periodi poboljšavaju Buranovo opismenjavanje, povećavaju Alijin osećaj odgovornosti i pojačavaju vezu između njih - dobitna kombinacija za sve.
The successful Arab women I know have each found their unique approach to working their life as they continue to shoulder the lion's share of responsibility in the home.
Svaka uspešna Arapkinja koju poznajem pronašla je svoj jedinstveni pristup uređivanju svojih života dok nastavljaju da nose veći deo odgovornosti u kući.
But this is not just about surviving in your dual role as a career woman and mother. This is also about being in the present. When I am with my children, I try to leave work out of our lives. Instead of worrying about how many minutes I can spend with them every day, I focus on turning these minutes into memorable moments, moments where I'm seeing my kids, hearing them, connecting with them.
Međutim, ovde se ne radi samo o preživljavanju u dvostrukoj ulozi žene sa karijerom i majke. Radi se i o prisutnosti u sadašnjosti. Kada sam sa svojom decom, pokušavam da izostavim posao iz naših života. Umesto brige o tome koliko minuta mogu da provedem sa njima svakog dana, fokusiram se na to da pretvorim te minute u nezaboravne trenutke, trenutke gde vidim svoju decu, čujem ih, povezujem se sa njima.
["Join forces, don't compete."]
[„Udružite snage, ne takmičite se.“]
Arab women of my generation have not been very visible in the public eye as they grew up. This explains, I think, to some extent, why you find so few women in politics in the Arab world. The upside of this, however, is that we have spent a lot of time developing a social skill behind the scenes, in coffee shops, in living rooms, on the phone, a social skill that is very important to success: networking. I would say the average Arab woman has a large network of friends and acquaintances. The majority of those are also women.
Arapkinje moje generacije nisu bile naročito vidljive u očima javnosti dok su odrastale. Mislim da to donekle objašnjava zašto ćete naći tako malo žena u politici u arapskom svetu. Dobra strana ovoga je, međutim, to što smo provele mnogo vremena razvijajući društvenu veštinu iza kulisa, u kafićima, u dnevnim sobama, na telefonu, društvenu veštinu koja je veoma važna za uspeh - umrežavanje. Rekla bih da prosečna Arapkinja ima veliku mrežu prijatelja i poznanika. Većina njih su takođe žene.
In the West, it seems like ambitious women often compare themselves to other women hoping to be noticed as the most successful woman in the room. This leads to the much-spoken-about competitive behavior between professional women. If there's only room for one woman at the top, then you can't make room for others, much less lift them up.
Na Zapadu, izgleda da se ambiciozne žene često porede sa drugim ženama, u nadi da će ih primetiti kao najuspešniju ženu u prostoriji. To dovodi do takmičarskog ponašanja između profesionalnih žena o kome se dosta govori. Ako ima mesta samo za jedu ženu na vrhu, onda ne možete da napravite prostor za druge, a kamoli da ih uzdignete.
Arab women, generally speaking, have not fallen for this psychological trap. Faced with a patriarchal society, they have found that by helping each other out, all benefit.
Arapkinje, uopšte govoreći, nisu upale u tu psihološku zamku. Suočene sa patrijarhalnim društvom, otkrile su da time što pomažu jedna drugoj sve dobijaju.
In my previous job, I was the most senior woman in the Middle East, so one could think that investing in my network of female colleagues couldn't bring many benefits and that I should instead invest my time developing my relationships with male seniors and peers. Yet two of my biggest breaks came through the support of other women. It was the head of marketing who initially suggested I be considered as a young global leader to the World Economic Forum. She was familiar with my media engagements and my publications, and when she was asked to voice her opinion, she highlighted my name. It was a young consultant, a Saudi lady and friend, who helped me sell my first project in Saudi Arabia, a market I was finding hard to gain traction in as a woman. She introduced me to a client, and that introduction led to the first of very many projects for me in Saudi. Today, I have two senior women on my team, and I see making them successful as key to my own success. Women continue to advance in the world, not fast enough, but we're moving.
Na mom prethodnom poslu, ja sam bila žena najviše pozicije na Srednjem istoku, tako da bi se moglo pomisliti da moje ulaganje u mrežu koleginica ne bi donelo mnogo koristi i da bi trebalo da umesto toga ulažem vreme razvijajući odnose sa muškarcima na višim pozicijama i sebi ravnima. Ipak, dva moja najveća prodora ostvarila sam kroz podršku drugih žena. Prvobitno je upravnica marketinga predložila da me uzmu u obzir kao mladog svetskog lidera na Svetskom ekonomskom forumu. Bila je upoznata sa mojim medijskim angažovanjem i mojim objavljivanjem i kada su joj zatražili da izrazi mišljenje, istakla je moje ime. Mlada konsultantkinja, dama iz Saudijske Arabije i prijatelj, pomogla mi je da prodam svoj prvi projekat u Saudijskoj Arabiji, na tržištvu na kome sam smatrala da je teško privući pažnju kao žena. Predstavila me je klijentu, a to upoznavanje je dovelo do prvog od mnogo projekata za mene u Saudijskoj Arabiji. Danas imam dve žene višeg ranga u svom timu i sagledavam njihov uspeh kao ključ sopstvenog uspeha. Žene nastavljaju da napreduju u svetu; ne dovoljno brzo, ali se krećemo.
The Arab world, too, is making progress, despite many recent setbacks. Just this year, the UAE appointed five new female ministers to its cabinet, for a total of eight female ministers. That's nearly 28 percent of the cabinet, and more than many developed countries can claim. This is today my daughter Alia's favorite picture. This is the result, no doubt, of great leadership, but it is also the result of strong Arab women not giving up and continuously pushing the boundaries. It is the result of Arab women deciding every day like me to convert shit into fuel, to work their life to keep work out of their life, and to join forces and not compete.
Arapski svet takođe napreduje, uprkos mnogim skorijim zastojima. Upravo ove godine, UAE su postavili pet novih ministarki u svoj kabinet, što je ukupno osam ministarki. To je skoro 28 posto kabineta i više nego što mnoge razvijene zemlje mogu da navedu. Ovo je danas omiljena slika moje ćerke Alije. Ovo je rezultat, bez sumnje, sjajnog vođstva, ali je takođe rezultat snažnih Arapkinja koje ne odustaju i neprekidno pomeraju granice. To je rezultat Arapkinja koje svakoga dana odlučuju, kao i ja, da pretvore sranje u gorivo, da urede svoj život tako da izostave posao iz svog života, da udruže snage i ne nadmeću se.
As I look to the future, my hopes for my daughter when she stands on this stage some 20, 30 years from now are that she be as proud to call herself her mother's daughter as her father's daughter.
Dok gledam u budućnost, moja je nada za moju ćerku kada bude stajala na ovoj bini nekih 20, 30 godina od danas, da će biti podjednako ponosna da se nazove ćerkom svoje majke kao i ćerkom svog oca.
My hopes for my son are that by then, the expression "her mother's son" or "mama's boy" would have taken on a completely different meaning.
Moja su nadanja za mog sina da će do tada izrazi „sin svoje majke“ ili „mamin dečak“ poprimiti sasvim drugačije značenje.
Thank you.
Hvala.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)