So the other morning I went to the grocery store and an employee greeted me with a "Good morning, sir, can I help you with anything?" I said, "No, thanks, I'm good." The person smiled and we went our separate ways. I grabbed Cheerios and I left the grocery store. And I went through the drive-through of a local coffee shop. After I placed my order, the voice on the other end said, "Thank you, ma'am. Drive right around." Now, in the span of less than an hour, I was understood both as a "sir" and as a "ma'am." But for me, neither of these people are wrong, but they're also not completely right.
Pre neko jutro sam otišao u prodavnicu i zaposleni me pozdravio sa: „Dobro jutro, gospodine, mogu li Vam pomoći?“ Rekao sam: „Ne, hvala, sve je u redu.“ Ta osoba se nasmešila i otišli smo svako svojim putem. Uzeo sam pahuljice i izašao iz prodavnice. Otišao sam u drive-through jednog lokalnog kafića. Nakon što sam naručio, glas sa druge strane je rekao: „Hvala gospođo. Prođite napred.“ Za manje od sat vremena, oslovili su me i sa „gospodine“ i sa „gospođo.“ Što se mene tiče, niko nije pogrešio, ali nisu ni u potpunosti u pravu.
This cute little human is my almost-two-year-old Elliot. Yeah, alright. And over the past two years, this kid has forced me to rethink the world and how I participate in it. I identify as transgender and as a parent, that makes me a transparent.
Ovo slatko malo biće je moja skoro dvogodišnja kćerka Eliot. Da, tako je. Tokom protekle dve godine, ovo dete me je nateralo da preispitam svet i kako učestvujem u njemu. Identifikujem se kao trans i kao roditelj što me čini transroditeljem.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
(Cheering)
(Navijanje)
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
As you can see, I took this year's theme super literal.
Kao što vidite, shvatio sam ovogodišnju temu previše bukvalno.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
Like any good dad joke should. More specifically, I identify as genderqueer. And there are lots of ways to experience being genderqueer, but for me that means I don't really identify as a man or a woman. I feel in between and sometimes outside of this gender binary. And being outside of this gender binary means that sometimes I get "sired" and "ma'amed" in the span of less than an hour when I'm out doing everyday things like getting Cheerios. But this in between lane is where I'm most comfortable. This space where I can be both a sir and a ma'am feels the most right and the most authentic. But it doesn't mean that these interactions aren't uncomfortable. Trust me, the discomfort can range from minor annoyance to feeling physically unsafe. Like the time at a bar in college when a bouncer physically removed me by the back of the neck and threw me out of a woman's restroom. But for me, authenticity doesn't mean "comfortable." It means managing and negotiating the discomfort of everyday life, even at times when it's unsafe. And it wasn't until my experience as a trans person collided with my new identity as a parent that I understood the depth of my vulnerabilities and how they are preventing me from being my most authentic self.
Kao što bi i svaki tata koji voli šalu. Konkretnije, identifikujem se kao nebinaran. Postoji mnogo načina na koje se može shvatiti nebinarnost, ali za mene to znači da se ne identifikujem kao muškarac ili žena. Osećam se kao da sam između i ponekad van ove rodne binarnosti. A biti van ove rodne binarnosti znači da me nekad oslove sa „gospodine“ i „gospođo“ za manje od sat vremena dok obavljam svakodnevne poslove kao što je kupovina pahuljica. Ali u tom međuprostoru se osećam najprijatnije. Prostoru u kojem mogu biti i gospodin i gospođa se čini najboljim i najautentičnijim. Ali to ne znači da mi ove interakcije nisu neprijatne. Verujte mi, neprijatnost može ići od manje nelagodnosti do osećaja fizičke nebezbednosti. Kao jednom u baru na koledžu kada me je izbacivač uhvatio za vrat i izbacio iz ženskog toaleta. Za mene, autentičnost ne znači „prijatnost.“ Već upravljanje i pregovaranje neprijatnostima svakodnevnog života, čak i onda kada nije bezbedno. Tek kada se moje iskustvo sa transrodnošću sudarilo sa mojim novim identitetom roditelja shvatio sam dubinu svoje ranjivosti i kako me ona sprečava da budem najautentičnija osoba.
Now, for most people, what their child will call them is not something that they give much thought to outside of culturally specific words or variations on a gendered theme like "mama," "mommy," or "daddy," "papa." But for me, the possibility is what this child, who will grow to be a teenager and then a real-life adult, will call me for the rest of our lives, was both extremely scary and exciting. And I spent nine months wrestling with the reality that being called "mama" or something like it didn't feel like me at all. And no matter how many times or versions of "mom" I tried, it always felt forced and deeply uncomfortable. I knew being called "mom" or "mommy" would be easier to digest for most people. The idea of having two moms is not super novel, especially where we live.
Za većinu ljudi, to kako će ih dete zvati nije nešto o čemu previše razmišljaju izvan okvira kulturno specifičnih reči ili varijacija na temu pola kao što su „mama“, „mamice“ ili „tata“, „tatice.“ Ali za mene, mogućnost kako će me ovo dete, koje će odrasti i postati tinejdžer a zatim i prava odrasla osoba, zvati do kraja života, je bila i veoma strašna i uzbudljiva. Proveo sam devet meseci boreći se sa činjenicom da, ako me bude zvala „mama“ ili tako nešto, to uopšte neće ličiti na mene. I nebitno koliko puta ili verzija tog „mama“ sam isprobao, uvek se činilo nametnuto i vrlo neprijatno. Znao sam da bi većini ljudi bilo lakše da svare ako me zove „mama“ ili „mamice.“ Ideja da dete ima dve mame nije ništa novo, pogotovo u mestu gde mi živimo.
So I tried other words. And when I played around with "daddy," it felt better. Better, but not perfect. It felt like a pair of shoes that you really liked but you needed to wear and break in. And I knew the idea of being a female-born person being called "daddy" was going to be a harder road with a lot more uncomfortable moments. But, before I knew it, the time had come and Elliot came screaming into the world, like most babies do, and my new identity as a parent began. I decided on becoming a daddy, and our new family faced the world.
Pa sam pokušao s drugim rečima. Kada sam se poigrao sa „tatice,“ zvučalo je bolje. Bolje, ali ne savršeno. Kao sa cipelama koje vam se stvarno sviđaju ali morate prvo da ih razgazite. Znao sam da će ideja da osobu rođenu kao žena oslovljavaju sa „tatice“ biti teži put sa mnogo više neprijatnih trenutaka. Ali, vrlo brzo, došao je trenutak i Eliot je stigla vrišteći na ovaj svet, kao i većina beba, i ja sam dobio novi identitet roditelja. Odlučio sam da postanem tata, i naša nova porodica se suočila sa svetom.
Now one of the most common things that happens when people meet us is for people to "mom" me. And when I get "momed", there are several ways the interaction can go, and I've drawn this map to help illustrate my options.
Jedna od najčešćih stvari koje se dešavaju kada nas neko upozna je da me oslovljavaju sa „mama.“ Kada me nazovu „mama“, interakcija može da se nastavi na par načina pa sam nacrtao ovu mapu da lakše ilustrujem svoje opcije.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
So, option one is to ignore the assumption and allow folks to continue to refer to me as "mom," which is not awkward for the other party, but is typically really awkward for us. And it usually causes me to restrict my interaction with those people. Option one. Option two is to stop and correct them and say something like, "Actually, I'm Elliot's dad" or "Elliot calls me 'daddy.'" And when I do this, one or two of the following things happen. Folks take it in stride and say something like, "Oh, OK." And move on. Or they respond by apologizing profusely because they feel bad or awkward or guilty or weird. But more often, what happens is folks get really confused and look up with an intense look and say something like, "Does this mean you want to transition? Do you want to be a man?" Or say things like, "How can she be a father? Only men can be dads."
Prva opcija je da ignorišem pretpostavku i da dozvolim ljudima da me zovu „mama,“ što nije neprijatno drugoj strani, ali je uglavnom baš neprijatno nama. I uglavnom me natera da ograničim svoju interakciju sa tim ljudima. To je prva opcija. Druga je da ih zaustavim i ispravim i kažem nešto u smislu: „Zapravo, ja sam Eliotin tata“ ili „Eliot me zove ‚tata’.“ Kada to uradim, jedna ili dve od ovih stvari se dese. Ljudi to prihvate i kažu npr: „Aha, ok.“ I nastave. Ili se duboko izvinjavaju jer se osećaju loše ili neprijatno ili krivo ili čudno. Još češće, ljudi se baš zbune, prodorno pogledaju i kažu nešto u smislu: „Da li to znači da želiš da promeniš pol? Da li želiš da budeš muškarac?“ Ili kažu stvari kao što je: „Kako ona može biti otac? Samo muškarci mogu biti tate.“
Well, option one is oftentimes the easier route. Option two is always the more authentic one. And all of these scenarios involve a level of discomfort, even in the best case. And I'll say that over time, my ability to navigate this complicated map has gotten easier. But the discomfort is still there.
Prva opcija je uglavnom lakši izbor. Druga opcija je uvek autentičnija. Svaki od ovih scenarija uključuje jedan nivo nelagodnosti, čak i u najboljem slučaju. Vremenom, moja sposobnost snalaženja na ovoj složenoj mapi je postala bolja. Ali, nelagodnost je i dalje tu.
Now, I won't stand here and pretend like I've mastered this, it's pretty far from it. And there are days when I still allow option one to take place because option two is just too hard or too risky. There's no way to be sure of anyone's reaction, and I want to be sure that folks have good intentions, that people are good. But we live in a world where someone's opinion of my existence can be met with serious threats to me or even my family's emotional or physical safety. So I weigh the costs against the risks and sometimes the safety of my family comes before my own authenticity. But despite this risk, I know as Elliot gets older and grows into her consciousness and language skills, if I don't correct people, she will. I don't want my fears and insecurities to be placed on her, to dampen her spirit or make her question her own voice. I need to model agency, authenticity and vulnerability, and that means leaning into those uncomfortable moments of being "momed" and standing up and saying, "No, I'm a dad. And I even have the dad jokes to prove it."
Ne želim ovde da se pretvaram da sam sve ovo usavršio, daleko je od toga. Ponekad ipak dozvolim i prvu opciju jer je druga previše teška ili rizična. Ne možemo verovati ničijoj reakciji, a ja želim da se uverim da ljudi imaju dobre namere, da su ljudi dobri. Ali, živimo u svetu u kome nečije mišljenje o mom postojanju može naići na ozbiljne pretnje po mene ili čak po emocionalnu ili fizičku bezbednost moje porodice. Procenim kolika je cena naspram rizika i ponekad bezbednost moje porodice ima prednost nad mojom autentičnošću. Uprkos riziku, znam da kada Eliot odraste i stekne svest i jezičke veštine, ako ja ne ispravim ljude, ona će. Ne želim da svoje strahove i nesigurnosti nametnem njoj, da oslabim njen duh ili je nateram da preispituje svoj glas. Treba da budem primer snage, autentičnosti i ranjivosti, a to znači da se upustim u neprijatne trenutke kada me oslove sa „mama,“ da se odbranim i kažem: „Ne, ja sam tata. Čak se i šalim da bih to dokazao.“
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
Now, there have already been plenty of uncomfortable moments and even some painful ones. But there's also been, in just two short years, validating and at times transformative moments on my journey as a dad and my path towards authenticity. When we got our first sonogram, we decided we wanted to know the sex of the baby. The technician saw a vulva and slapped the words "It's a girl" on the screen and gave us a copy and sent us on our way. We shared the photo with our families like everyone does and soon after, my mom showed up at our house with a bag filled -- I'm not exaggerating, it was like this high and it was filled, overflowing with pink clothes and toys. Now I was a little annoyed to be confronted with a lot of pink things, and having studied gender and spent countless hours teaching about it in workshops and classrooms, I thought I was pretty well versed on the social construction of gender and how sexism is a devaluing of the feminine and how it manifests both explicitly and implicitly. But this situation, this aversion to a bag full of pink stuff, forced me to explore my rejection of highly feminized things in my child's world.
Do sada je već bilo dosta neprijatnih trenutaka, čak i nekih bolnih. Ali je bilo, za samo dve kratke godine, i vrednih i ponekad oblikujućih trenutaka na mom putovanju kao tate i mom putu ka autentičnosti. Kada smo išli na prvi ultrazvuk, odlučili smo da želimo da znamo pol bebe. Tehničar je video vulvu i bacio reči „Devojčica je“ na ekran, dao nam kopiju i poslao nas kući. Pokazali smo sliku porodicama kao što svi rade i ubrzo se moja mama pojavila u našoj kući sa torbom punom - ne preterujem, bila je otprilike ovoliko visoka i puna, prepuna roze graderobe i igračaka. Malo me je nerviralo što vidim toliko roze stvari, a pošto sam istraživao pol i proveo bezbrojne sate predajući o tome na radionicama i u učionicama, mislio sam da sam dobro upućen u socijalnu konstrukciju pola i u to kako je seksizam devalvacija ženskog roda i kako se manifestuje esplicitno i implicitno. Ali ova situacija, ova averzija prema torbi punoj roze stvari, naterala me je da ispitam odbacivanje jako feminiziranih stvari u svetu svog deteta.
I realized that I was reinforcing sexism and the cultural norms I teach as problematic. No matter how much I believed in gender neutrality in theory, in practice, the absence of femininity is not neutrality, it's masculinity. If I only dress my baby in greens and blues and grays, the outside world doesn't think, "Oh, that's a cute gender-neutral baby." They think, "Oh, what a cute boy." So my theoretical understanding of gender and my parenting world collided hard. Yes, I want a diversity of colors and toys for my child to experience. I want a balanced environment for her to explore and make sense of in her own way. We even picked a gender-neutral name for our female-born child. But gender neutrality is much easier as a theoretical endeavor than it is as a practice. And in my attempts to create gender neutrality, I was inadvertently privileging masculinity over femininity. So, rather than toning down or eliminating femininity in our lives, we make a concerted effort to celebrate it. We have pinks among the variety of colors, we balance out the cutes with handsomes and the prettys with strongs and smarts and work really hard not to associate any words with gender. We value femininity and masculinity while also being highly critical of it. And do our best to not make her feel limited by gender roles. And we do all this in hopes that we model a healthy and empowered relationship with gender for our kid.
Shvatio sam da pojačavam seksizam i kulturne norme koje sam podučavao kao problematične. Koliko god sam verovao u rodnu neutralnost u teoriji, u praksi, odsustvo ženstvenosti nije neutralnost, već muževnost. Ako svoje dete oblačim samo u zeleno, plavo i sivo, spoljni svet neće misliti: „Jao, baš slatka polno-neutralna beba.“ Misliće: „Jao, baš sladak dečak.“ Moje teoretsko razumevanje pola i roditeljstvo su se snažno sukobili. Da, želim raznolikost boja i igračaka za moje dete. Želim uravnoteženu sredinu koju može da istražuje i razume na svoj način. Čak smo izabrali i polno-neutralno ime za našu devojčicu. Polna neutralnost je mnogo lakši poduhvat u teoriji nego što je u praksi. U svojim pokušajima da stvorim polnu neutralnost, nehotice sam privilegovao muževnost naspram ženstvenosti. Dakle, umesto da ublažavamo ili eliminišemo ženstvenost u životima, zajednički smo se trudili da je slavimo. Imamo roze među mnogim drugim bojama, izbalansirali smo slatko sa zgodnim i lepo sa jakim i pametnim i jako se trudimo da ne povezujemo nikakve reči sa polom. Vrednujemo ženstvenost i muževnost a ujedno smo i vrlo kritični prema tome. Dajemo sve od sebe da se ne oseća ograničeno polnim ulogama. I sve to radimo u nadi da ćemo stvoriti zdravu i motivisanu vezu sa polom za svoje dete.
Now this work to develop a healthy relationship with gender for Elliot made me rethink and evaluate how I allowed sexism to manifest in my own gender identity. I began to reevaluate how I was rejecting femininity in order to live up to a masculinity that was not healthy or something I wanted to pass on. Doing this self-work meant I had to reject option one. I couldn't ignore and move on. I had to choose option two. I had to engage with some of my most uncomfortable parts to move towards my most authentic self. And that meant I had to get real about the discomfort I have with my body. It's pretty common for trans people to feel uncomfortable in their body, and this discomfort can range from debilitating to annoying and everywhere in between. And learning my body and how to be comfortable in it as a trans person has been a lifelong journey. I've always struggled with the parts of my body that can be defined as more feminine -- my chest, my hips, my voice. And I've made the sometimes hard, sometimes easy decision to not take hormones or have any surgeries to change it to make myself more masculine by society's standards. And while I certainly haven't overcome all the feelings of dissatisfaction, I realized that by not engaging with that discomfort and coming to a positive and affirming place with my body, I was reinforcing sexism, transphobia and modeling body shaming. If I hate my body, in particular, the parts society deems feminine or female, I potentially damage how my kid can see the possibilities of her body and her feminine and female parts. If I hate or am uncomfortable with my body, how can I expect my kid to love hers?
Ovaj napor da razvijemo zdravu vezu sa polom za Eliot naterao me je da preispitam i procenim kako sam dopustio seksizmu da se ispolji u mom polnom identitetu. Počeo sam da preispitujem kako sam odbacivao ženstvenost kako bih dostigao muževnost koja nije bila zdrava niti nešto što sam želeo da prenesem dalje. Ovaj rad na sebi je podrazumevao odbacivanje prve opcije. Nisam mogao da ignorišem i nastavim. Morao sam da odaberem drugu opciju. Morao sam da aktiviram neke od svojih najneprijatnijih delova kako bih se približio svojoj autentičnosti. A to je značilo da moram biti realan o nelagodi koju osećam prema svom telu. Vrlo je uobičajeno za trans osobe da se osećaju neprijatno u svom telu, a ta neprijatnost može ići od isrcpljujuće do iritantne i između. Učiti o mom telu, i kako da mi u njemu bude prijatno kao trans osobi je bilo dugogodišnje putovanje. Uvek sam se mučio sa delovima svog tela koji se mogu definisati kao ženstveniji - sa svojim grudima, kukovima, glasom. Doneo sam tu ponekad tešku, ponekad laku odluku da ne uzimam hormone ili idem na operacije da ga promenim kako bih bio muževniji prema društvenim standardima. Iako definitivno nisam prevazišao sva osećanja nezadovoljstva, shvatio sam da, ako se ne bavim tom neprijatnošću i ne postignem pozitivnu i afirmišuću sliku o svom telu, podstičem seksizam, transfobiju i dajem primer sramljenja od tela. Ako mrzim svoje telo, pogotovo one delove koje društvo smatra ženstvenim ili ženskim, potencijalno narušavam način na koji moje dete vidi mogućnosti svog tela i svoje ženstvene i ženske delove. Ako mrzim svoje telo ili mi je u njemu neprijatno, kako da očekujem da moje dete voli svoje?
Now it would be easier for me to choose option one: to ignore my kid when she asks me about my body or to hide it from her. But I have to choose option two every day. I have to confront my own assumptions about what a dad's body can and should be. So I work every day to try and be more comfortable in this body and in the ways I express femininity. So I talk about it more, I explore the depths of this discomfort and find language that I feel comfortable with. And this daily discomfort helps me build both agency and authenticity in how I show up in my body and in my gender. I'm working against limiting myself. I want to show her that a dad can have hips, a dad doesn't have to have a perfectly flat chest or even be able to grow facial hair. And when she's developmentally able to, I want to talk to her about my journey with my body. I want her to see my journey towards authenticity even when it means showing her the messier parts.
Bilo bi mi lakše da izaberem prvu opciju: da ignorišem svoje dete kada me pita za moje telo ili da ga krijem od nje. Ali svakog dana moram da biram drugu opciju. I da se suočim sa svojim pretpostavkama o tome šta bi telo tate moglo i trebalo da bude. Svakog dana radim na tome da mi bude prijatnije u ovom telu i u tome kako izražavam ženstvenost. Zato o tome više pričam, istražujem dubine te neprijatnosti i pronalazim jezik koji mi je prijatan. Ova svakodnevna nelagoda mi je pomogla da izgradim sredstvo i autentičnost u predstavljanju u svom telu i polu. Radim na tome da se ne ograničavam. Želim da joj pokažem da tata može imati kukove, da ne mora da ima savršeno ravne grudi i da čak ne mora da ima dlake na licu. A kada bude dovoljno odrasla, želim da pričam sa njom o mom putovanju sa mojim telom. Želim da ona vidi moj put ka autentičnosti čak i kada to znači da treba da joj pokažem i ružnije delove.
We have a wonderful pediatrician and have established a good relationship with our kid's doctor. And as you all know, while your doctor stays the same, your nurses and nurse practitioners change in and out. And when Elliot was first born, we took her to the pediatrician and we met our first nurse -- we'll call her Sarah. Very early in in our time with Sarah, we told her how I was going to be called "dad" and my partner is "mama." Sarah was one of those folks that took it in stride, and our subsequent visits went pretty smoothly. And about a year later, Sarah switched shifts and we started working with a new nurse -- we'll call her Becky. We didn't get in front of the dad conversations and it didn't actually come up until Sarah, our original nurse, walked in to say hi. Sarah's warm and bubbly and said hi to Elliot and me and my wife and when talking to Elliot said something like, "Is your daddy holding your toy?" Now out of the corner of my eye, I could see Becky swing around in her chair and make daggers at Sarah. And as the conversation shifted to our pediatrician, I saw Sarah and Becky's interaction continue, and it went something like this. Becky, shaking her head "no" and mouthing the word "mom." Sarah, shaking her head "no" and mouthing the word "no, dad."
Imamo divnog pedijatra i ostvarili smo dobru vezu sa doktorom našeg deteta. I kao što svi znate, iako imate istog doktora, medicinske sestre i tehničari se stalno menjaju. Još kada se Eliot rodila, odveli smo je kod pedijatra i upoznali se sa prvom sestrom - zvaćemo je Sara. Odmah na početku sa Sarom rekli smo joj da treba da me zove „tata“ a moju partnerku „mama“. Sara je bila jedna od onih koji su to lagano podneli, i naše naredne posete su prošle vrlo glatko. Oko godinu dana kasnije, Sara je promenila smenu i počeli smo da radimo sa novom sestrom - zvaćemo je Beki. Sa njom nismo obavili isti razgovor sve dok Sara, prva sestra, nije došla da nam se javi. Sara je prijatna i vesela i javila se Eliot, meni i mojoj supruzi i dok se obraćala Eliot rekla je nešto u smislu: „Da li tvoj tata drži tvoju igračku?“ Krajičkom svog oka, mogao sam videti Beki kako se vrti u svojoj stolici i pogledom strelja Saru. Kada se razgovor prebacio na našeg pedijatra, video sam nastavak Sarinog i Bekinog razgovora koji je išao otprilike ovako. Beki, odmahuje glavom „ne“ i izgovara reč „mama.“ Sara, odmahuje glavom „ne“ i izgovara „ne, tata.“
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
Awkward, right? So this went back and forth in total silence a few more times until we walked away.
Neprijatno, zar ne? Ovo se nastavilo još par puta u potpunoj tišini dok nismo otišli.
Now, this interaction has stuck with me. Sarah could have chosen option one, ignored Becky, and let her refer to me as mom. It would have been easier for Sarah. She could have put the responsibility back on me or not said anything at all. But in that moment, she chose option two. She chose to confront the assumptions and affirm my existence. She insisted that a person who looks and sounds like me can in fact be a dad. And in a small but meaningful way, advocated for me, my authenticity and my family.
Ovaj razgovor mi je ostao u pamćenju- Sara je mogla da odabere prvu opciju, da ignoriše Beki, i pusti je da me zove mama. To bi bilo lakše za nju. Mogla je da prebaci odgovornost na mene ili da uopšte ne kaže ništa. Ali u tom trenutku, odabrala je drugu opciju. A to je da se suprotstavi pretpostavkama i da potvrdi moje postojanje. Insistirala je da osoba koja izgleda i zvuči kao ja može zapravo biti tata. I na mali ali značajan način, založila se za mene, moju autentičnost i porodicu.
Unfortunately, we live in a world that refuses to acknowledge trans people and the diversity of trans people in general. And my hope is that when confronted with an opportunity to stand up for someone else, we all take action like Sarah, even when there's risk involved.
Nažalost, živimo u svetu koji odbija da prihvati trans osobe i raznolikost trans osoba uopšte. Nadam se da ćemo, kada nam se pruži prilika da se zauzmemo za nekog, preduzeti nešto kao što je Sara učinila, čak i ako to podrazumeva rizik.
So some days, the risk of being a genderqueer dad feels too much. And deciding to be a dad has been really hard. And I'm sure it will continue to be the hardest, yet the most rewarding experience of my life. But despite this challenge, every day has felt 100 percent worth it. So each day I affirm my promise to Elliot and that same promise to myself. To love her and myself hard with forgiveness and compassion, with tough love and with generosity. To give room for growth, to push beyond comfort in hopes of attaining and living a more meaningful life.
Ponekad se čini da je biti dženderkvir tata previše riskantno. Odluka da budem tata je bila jako teška. I siguran sam da će i dalje biti najteže, ali i najdragocenije iskustvo u mom životu. Uprkos izazovu, svakoga dana shvatam da je stopostotno vredelo. Svakog dana potvrđujem obećanje dato Eliot i isto to obećanje sebi. Da jako volim nju i sebe sa praštanjem i saosećanjem, grubom ljubavi i velikodušnošću. Da pružim mesta za rast, guram van granice komfora u nadi da ću dostići i živeti značajniji život.
I know in my head and in my heart that there are hard and painful and uncomfortable days ahead. My head and my heart also know that all of it will lead to a more rich, authentic life that I can look back on without regrets.
U svojoj glavi i srcu znam da nas čekaju teški i bolni i neprijatni dani. Moj razum i srce takođe znaju da sve to vodi bogatijem, autentičnijem životu na koji ću moći da se osvrnem bez žaljenja.
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)