Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine.
Zdravo. Ovde sam da bih vam pričala o važnosti pohvale, divljenja i zahvalnosti i kako to mora da bude posebno i iskreno.
And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I'd just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt embarrassed. And then my question became, am I the only one who does this? So, I decided to investigate.
Za ovo sam se zainteresovala tako što sam primetila, dok sam odrastala, i do pre nekoliko godina, da bih želela nekom da kažem "hvala", želela bih da ih pohvalim, da oni mene pohvale, i samo bih se zaustavila. I zapitala sam se, zašto? Osećala sam stid, posramljenost. I onda je moje pitanje postalo, da li sam ja jedina koja to radi? Pa sam odlučila da to istražim.
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction. And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them. But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son. It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
Imam sreće da radim u rehabilitacionoj ustanovi, pa viđam ljude koji se sa zavisnošću suočavaju sa životom i smrću. Ponekad je u pitanju nešto tako jednostavno kao npr da je njihova najveća rana to što im je otac umro, a da nikada nije rekao koliko je ponosan na njih. Ali onda od cele porodice i prijatelja saznaju kako je otac svima drugima rekao koliko je ponosan na sina, ali to njemu nikada nije rekao. To je zato što nije znao da je njegovom sinu bilo potrebno da to čuje.
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 25 years, who's longing to hear his wife say, "Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids," but won't ask. I know a woman who's good at this. She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, "I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids." And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great." And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that. And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
Dakle, moje pitanje je, zašto ne tražimo stvari koje su nam potrebne? Znam jednog gospodina koji je 25 godina u braku i koji žudi za tim da njegova žena kaže, "Hvala ti što donosiš hleb na sto, kako bih ja mogla da budem kod kuće sa decom", ali ne želi da pita. Znam jednu ženu koja je dobra u ovome. Ona se jednom nedeljno sastaje sa svojim mužem i kaže, "Zaista bih volela da mi zahvališ na svim stvarima koje radim u kući i oko dece." A on kaže, "O, ovo je super, ovo je super." A pohvala zaista mora da bude iskrena, a ona preuzima odgovornost za nju. Jedna moja prijateljica, Ejpril, koju znam od obdaništa, zahvaljuje svojoj deci na obavljanju kućnih poslova. I kaže, "Zašto im se ne bih zahvalila, iako i treba da ih rade?"
So, the question is, why was I blocking it? Why were other people blocking it? Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare, I need size six shoes," but I won't say, "Would you praise me this way?" And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me. I'm telling you where I'm insecure. I'm telling you where I need your help. And I'm treating you, my inner circle, like you're the enemy. Because what can you do with that data? You could neglect me. You could abuse it. Or you could actually meet my need.
Dakle, pitanje je, zašto sam ja to blokirala? Zašto su drugi ljudi blokirali? Zašto mogu da kažem, "Želim srednje pečen biftek, trebaju mi cipele broj 37", ali neću reći "Da li biste me pohvalili na ovaj način?" A to je zato što vam dajem bitne podatke o sebi. Govorim vam gde sam nesigurna. Govorim vam gde mi je potrebna vaša pomoć. I vas, svoj najuži krug, tretiram kao neprijatelja. Jer, šta vi možete sa tim informacijama? Možete da me zapostavite. Možete da ih zloupotrebite. Ili možete stvarno da mi izađete u susret.
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this -- same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels. The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels, it's going to make the bike so much better." I get the same bike back, and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new. So, I'm going to challenge all of you. I want you to true your wheels: be honest about the praise that you need to hear. What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife -- go ask her, what does she need? Go home to your husband -- what does he need? Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
Odvezla sam bajs u servis - obožavam ovo - isti bajs i oni su uradili balansiranje točkova Momak je rekao, "Znate, kad izbalansirate točkove, bajs će biti mnogo bolji." Vratili su mi isti bajs, i izravnali su sve neravnine iz tih istih točkova koje imam dve ipo godine i bajs je kao nov. Imam jedan izazov za vas. Želim da izbalansirate svoje točkove: budite iskreni u vezi sa pohvalama koje vam je potrebno da čujete. Šta vam je potrebno da čujete? Idite kući svojoj ženi, pitajte je, šta je njoj potrebno? Idite kući svom mužu - šta je njemu potrebno? Idite kući, postavite ta pitanja i onda pomozite ljudima oko sebe.
And it's simple. And why should we care about this? We talk about world peace. How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages? I think it starts household by household, under the same roof. So, let's make it right in our own backyard. And I want to thank all of you in the audience for being great husbands, great mothers, friends, daughters, sons. And maybe somebody's never said that to you, but you've done a really, really good job. And thank you for being here, just showing up and changing the world with your ideas.
To je jednostavno. A zašto bi trebalo da nam je stalo do ovoga? Govorimo o miru u svetu. Kako da imamo mir na svetu, među različitim kulturama, jezicima? Mislim da to počinje od kuće do kuće, pod istim krovom. Hajde da krenemo od sopstvenog dvorišta. Želim da zahvalim svima vama u publici zato što ste odlični muževi, majke, prijatelji, ćerke, sinovi. Možda vam niko nikada nije to rekao, ali odlični ste u tome. I hvala vam što ste ovde, što ste došli i što menjate svet svojim idejama.
Thank you. (Applause)
Hvala. (aplauz)