Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine.
Pershendetje. Une jam ketu sot per te folur rreth rendesise se lavderimit, admirimit dhe falenderimit, dhe qe te jete e vecante dhe e mirefillte.
And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I'd just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt embarrassed. And then my question became, am I the only one who does this? So, I decided to investigate.
Dhe menyra si une u apasionova pas kesaj, eshte qe e konstatova tek vetja ime, nderkohe qe rritesha, dhe deri para disa viteve me pare, qe do te kisha dashur per ti thene faleminderit dikujt, do te kisha dashur ti lavderoja ata, do te kisha dashur te merrja lavderimet e tyre per veten time dhe une e ndalova ate. Pyeta veten time, perse? U ndjeva e turpshme, e ndrojtur. Dhe me pas pyetja ime u kthye ne, a jam une i vetmi person qe e ben kete? Keshtu qe, vendosa te hetoj.
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction. And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them. But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son. It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
Une jam mjaftueshem me fat qe punoj ne nje qender rehabilitimi, keshtu qe shoh njerez qe perballen me jeten dhe vdekjen me pasion. Dhe ndonjehere zbret ne dicka aq te thjeshte sa, plaga e tyre kryesore eshte qe i ati i tyre vdiq pa i thene ndonjehere qe ishte krenar per ta. Por me pas, e degjojne nga te gjithe familjaret dhe miqte e tyre qe i ati i ka thene te gjitheve qe ai ishte krenar per te, por pa ja thene te birit. Kjo ndodh sepse ai nuk e dinte qe i biri kishte nevoje ta degjonte.
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 25 years, who's longing to hear his wife say, "Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids," but won't ask. I know a woman who's good at this. She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, "I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids." And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great." And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that. And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
Keshtu qe pyetja ime eshte, pse nuk pyesim per gjerat qe kemi nevoje? Une njoh nje zoteri, i martuar prej 25 vitesh, qe ka deshire te madhe per te degjuar gruan e tij te thote, "Faleminderit qe je shtylla e familjes, keshtu qe une mund te rri ne shtepi me femijet," por nuk do ta kerkoj. Une njoh nje grua qe eshte e mire per kete. Ajo, njehere ne jave, takohet me burrin e saj dhe i thote, "Une me te vertete dua qe te me falenderosh per te gjitha gjerat qe bera per shtepine dhe per femijet." Dhe ai vazhdon, "Oh, kjo eshte e shkelqyer, kjo eshte e shkelqyer." Dhe lavderimi duhet qe te jete i vertete, pasi ajo merr pergjegjesi per kete. Dhe nje mikeshe e imja, April, te cilen e kam patur qe ne kopesht, i falenderon femijet e saj qe bejne punet e tyre. Dhe ajo thote, "Pse nuk duhet t'i falenderoj ata, edhe pse ata duhet ti bejne keto?"
So, the question is, why was I blocking it? Why were other people blocking it? Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare, I need size six shoes," but I won't say, "Would you praise me this way?" And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me. I'm telling you where I'm insecure. I'm telling you where I need your help. And I'm treating you, my inner circle, like you're the enemy. Because what can you do with that data? You could neglect me. You could abuse it. Or you could actually meet my need.
Keshtu qe pyetja eshte, pse isha duke e bllokuar kete gje? Pse njerezit e tjere e bllokojne kete gje? Pse une mund te them, "Une do ta marr biftekun te pjekur mesatar, mua me duhet numri gjashte per kepucet, "por nderkohe une nuk mund te them, "A mund te me lavderosh ne kete menyre?" Dhe kjo ndodh sepse jam duke te te dhene te dhena kritike rreth vetes sime. Jam duke te te treguar se ku jam e pasigurte. Jam duke te te treguar se ku me nevojitet ndihma jote. Dhe jam duke te trajtuar, rrethin tim te brendshem, sikur te jesh nje armik. Sepse ne fund te fundit, cfare mund te besh me ato te dhena? Ju mund te me lini pas dore. Ju mund te abuzoni. Ose ju mund te takoheni me nevojat e mia.
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this -- same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels. The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels, it's going to make the bike so much better." I get the same bike back, and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new. So, I'm going to challenge all of you. I want you to true your wheels: be honest about the praise that you need to hear. What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife -- go ask her, what does she need? Go home to your husband -- what does he need? Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
Dhe une marre bicikleten ne dyqanin e bicikletave -- e dashuroj kete -- te njejten biciklete, dhe ato bejne dicka qe quhet "te vertetosh" rrotat. Djali tha, " Po vertetove gomat, do ta besh bicikleten shume me te mire." Une mora te njejten biciklete prapsht, dhe ata kane marre te gjitha prishjet e vogla nga te gjitha rrotat e njejta une e kam patur per dy vjet e gjysem, dhe bicikleta ime eshte si e re. Pra, une do tju sfidoj te gjitheve ju. Une dua qe ju te gjithe te vertetoni rrotat tuaj: te jini te ndershem ne lidhje me lavderimet qe doni te degjoni. Cfare deshironi te degjoni? Shkoni ne shtepi tek gruaja juaj -- shkoni dhe pyeteni ate, se per cfare ka ajo nevoje? Shkoni ne shtepi tek burri juaj, -- per cfare ka ai nevoje? Shkoni ne shtepi dhe bejini keto pyetje, dhe me pas ndihmoni njerezit perreth jush.
And it's simple. And why should we care about this? We talk about world peace. How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages? I think it starts household by household, under the same roof. So, let's make it right in our own backyard. And I want to thank all of you in the audience for being great husbands, great mothers, friends, daughters, sons. And maybe somebody's never said that to you, but you've done a really, really good job. And thank you for being here, just showing up and changing the world with your ideas.
Dhe eshte e thjeshte. Dhe pse duhet te kujdesemi per kete? Ne flasim rreth paqes ne bote. Si mund te kemi paqe ne bote me kultura te ndryshme, me gjuhe te ndryshme? Une mendoj qe fillon familje per familje, nen te njejten cati. Pra, le ta fillojme kete ndryshim ne oborrin e shtepise tone. Dhe une dua te falenderoj te gjitheve ju ne publik per te qene bashkeshorte te mire, mama te mira, miq, bije, djale. Ndoshta asnje nuk ja u ka thene kete gje me pare, por keni bere nje pune te mire, nje pune vertete te mire. Dhe faleminderit qe ishit ketu, edhe thjesht qe u shfaqet dhe qe ndryshoni boten me idete tuaj.
Thank you. (Applause)
Ju faleminderit. (Duartrokitje)