Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine.
Živjo. Govorila bom o pomembnosti pohvale, občudovanja in zahvale, ki morajo biti svojevrstni in iskreni.
And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I'd just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt embarrassed. And then my question became, am I the only one who does this? So, I decided to investigate.
Zakaj sem se začela zanimati za to? Opazila sem, da sem se med odraščanjem in še do pred nekaj leti hotela zahvaliti nekomu. Nekoga sem hotela pohvaliti. Hotela sem, da me drugi pohvalijo. A tega nisem delala. Vprašala sem se, zakaj. Ker sem sramežljiva in plašna. Potem sem se vprašala, če to delam samo jaz. Začela sem raziskovati.
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction. And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them. But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son. It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
Zaposlena sem v zavodu za zdravljenje odvisnosti. Vsak dan srečujem ljudi, ki se soočajo z odvisnostjo. Včasih odkrijemo, da so bolniki postali zasvojeni, ker jim oče ni nikoli povedal, da je ponosen nanje. Potem pa izvejo od družine in prijateljev, da je oče vsem drugim povedal, da je ponosen nanje. Sinu pa ni nikoli povedal. Ker ni vedel, da hoče sin to slišati.
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 25 years, who's longing to hear his wife say, "Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids," but won't ask. I know a woman who's good at this. She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, "I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids." And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great." And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that. And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
Sprašujem se, zakaj ne prosimo za tisto, kar potrebujemo. Poznam gospoda, ki je poročen že 25 let. Želi si, da bi se mu žena zahvalila, ker služi denar in je ona lahko doma z otroki. A za zahvalo ne bo prosil. Poznam žensko, ki to zna. Enkrat na teden prosi moža, da se ji zahvali, ker skrbi za dom in vzgaja otroke. In mož reče, krasno ti gre. Pohvala mora biti iskrena, a zanjo prosi sama. Prijateljica April, ki jo poznam še iz vrtca, se otrokom zahvali za mala hišna opravila. Reče si, zakaj se jim ne bi zahvalila, čeprav morajo to vseeno narediti.
So, the question is, why was I blocking it? Why were other people blocking it? Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare, I need size six shoes," but I won't say, "Would you praise me this way?" And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me. I'm telling you where I'm insecure. I'm telling you where I need your help. And I'm treating you, my inner circle, like you're the enemy. Because what can you do with that data? You could neglect me. You could abuse it. Or you could actually meet my need.
Vprašanje je, zakaj sem se nehala zahvaljevati. Zakaj se drugi ne zahvaljujejo? Zakaj lahko rečem, da hočem srednje zapečen zrezek, da potrebujem čevlje št. 38? Nikoli pa ne rečem, če bi me pohvalili za to. Zdaj vam govorim le negativne podatke o sebi. Zdaj vam govorim, kje sem negotova. Govorim vam, kje potrebujem vašo pomoč. Do vas se obnašam, kot da ste sovražniki. Kaj lahko naredite s temi podatki? Lahko me ignorirate. Podatke lahko zlorabite. Ali pa naredite to, kar potrebujem.
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this -- same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels. The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels, it's going to make the bike so much better." I get the same bike back, and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new. So, I'm going to challenge all of you. I want you to true your wheels: be honest about the praise that you need to hear. What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife -- go ask her, what does she need? Go home to your husband -- what does he need? Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
Svoje kolo sem odpeljala v trgovino s kolesi, kjer so naravnali kolesa. Moški je rekel: Ko naravnate kolesa, boste kolo veliko lažje peljali. Kolo so mi vrnili, kolesa so naravnali. Po dveh letih in pol je kolo še vedno kot novo. Za vse vas imam izziv. Hočem, da naravnate svoja kolesa. Bodite iskreni in povejte, kakšno pohvalo potrebujete. Kaj hočete slišati? Pojdite domov k ženi in jo vprašajte, kaj potrebuje. Pojdite domov k možu - kaj potrebuje on? Pojdite domov, vprašajte najbližje, kaj potrebujejo in jim pomagajte.
And it's simple. And why should we care about this? We talk about world peace. How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages? I think it starts household by household, under the same roof. So, let's make it right in our own backyard. And I want to thank all of you in the audience for being great husbands, great mothers, friends, daughters, sons. And maybe somebody's never said that to you, but you've done a really, really good job. And thank you for being here, just showing up and changing the world with your ideas.
Preprosto je. Zakaj bi se sploh zanimali za to? Govorimo o miru na svetu. Kako imamo lahko mir na svetu z različnimi kulturami in jeziki? Začeti moramo doma, pod svojo streho. Najprej poskrbite za svoj dom. Rada bi se vsem vam zahvalila, ker ste odlični možje, krasne matere, prijatelji, hčere, sinovi. Morda vam tega ni povedal še nihče, a vsi odlično opravljate svoje delo. Hvala, ker ste prišli in spreminjate svet s svojimi idejami.
Thank you. (Applause)
Hvala. (aplavz)