Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine.
Ahojte. Prišla som hovoriť o dôležitosti pochvaly, obdivu a vďaky, a o tom, aké je podstatné, aby boli priame a nefalšované.
And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I'd just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt embarrassed. And then my question became, am I the only one who does this? So, I decided to investigate.
Tieto veci ma začali zaujímať, keď som vyrastala a všimla som si sama na sebe, a to bolo až do pár rokov dozadu, že by som chcela niekomu povedať ďakujem, chcela by som ho pochváliť a tiež by som chcela prijať pochvalu od neho. Ale nikdy som to neurobila. A tak som sa spýtala sama seba, prečo? Cítila som sa nesmelá, v rozpakoch. A vtedy sa moja otázka zmenila. Som jediná, ktorá to takto robí? Rozhodla som sa teda pátrať.
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction. And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them. But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son. It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
Mám šťastie, že pracujem na rehabilitačnom oddelení a teda sa stretávam s ľuďmi, ktorí kvôli závislosti bojujú na život a na smrť. A niekedy sa veci ukážu ako veľmi prosté. Jadrom trápenia jedného z nich je, že otec zomrel bez toho, aby mu povedal, že je na neho hrdý. Ale potom sa dozvie od rodiny a priateľov, že otec povedal všetkým ostatným, aký bol na neho hrdý, ale nikdy to nepovedal synovi. Otec nevedel, že jeho syn to potreboval počuť.
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 25 years, who's longing to hear his wife say, "Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids," but won't ask. I know a woman who's good at this. She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, "I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids." And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great." And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that. And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
Moja otázka teda znie, prečo si veci, ktoré potrebujeme, jednoducho nevypýtame? Poznám pána, ktorý je 25 rokov ženatý a túži od svojej manželky počuť, ´Ďakujem, že si živiteľom rodiny.Vďaka tomu môžem zostať doma s deťmi.´ Ale nepýta si to. Poznám ženu, ktorá je však v tomto dobrá. Raz týždenne povie svojmu manželovi, ´Bola by som veľmi rada, keby si mi poďakoval za všetko, čo robím pre domácnosť a pre deti.´ A on na to, ´Oh, to je fantastické, a to je fantastické.´ Pochvala musí byť úprimná, ale za to berie zodpovednosť ona. Moja priateľka April, ktorú poznám už od škôlky, ďakuje svojím deťom za to, že si plnia svoje povinnosti. Vraví: ´Prečo by som im nepoďakovala, hoci to aj majú urobiť?´.
So, the question is, why was I blocking it? Why were other people blocking it? Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare, I need size six shoes," but I won't say, "Would you praise me this way?" And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me. I'm telling you where I'm insecure. I'm telling you where I need your help. And I'm treating you, my inner circle, like you're the enemy. Because what can you do with that data? You could neglect me. You could abuse it. Or you could actually meet my need.
Otázka teda je, prečo som sa tomu bránila? Prečo sa tomu bránia iní ľudia? Prečo dokážem povedať, ´Môj steak si prosím mierne prepečený, potrebujem topánky číslo 6´, ale nedokážem povedať, ´Pochválil by si ma?´. Takto vám však dávam o sebe rozhodujúce informácie. Odhalím vám miesto, kde si nie som celkom istá. Poviem vám, kde od vás potrebujem pomoc. Správam sa k vám, akoby ste boli moji nepriatelia. A čo môžete urobiť s týmito informáciami? Môžete si ma nevšímať. Môžete to zneužiť. Alebo mi môžete vyhovieť.
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this -- same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels. The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels, it's going to make the bike so much better." I get the same bike back, and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new. So, I'm going to challenge all of you. I want you to true your wheels: be honest about the praise that you need to hear. What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife -- go ask her, what does she need? Go home to your husband -- what does he need? Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
Zobrala som svoj bicykel do opravy -- zbožňujem túto historku -- a oni robia niečo čomu sa hovorí ´vyvážiť´ kolesá. Ten chlapík povedal, ´Viete, keď si vyvážite kolesá, ten bicykel bude omnoho lepší.´ Dostala som ten istý bicykel späť. Odstránili z neho všetky drobné deformácie, ktoré som tam mala dva a pol roka a môj bicykel je ako nový. Vyzvem teda vás všetkých. Chcem, aby ste si vyvážili vaše kolesá: buďťe úprimní o pochvale, ktorú potrebujete počuť. Čo potrebujete počuť? Choďťe domov k svojej žene a opýtajte sa jej, čo potrebuje? Choďťe domov k svojmu manželovi -- čo potrebuje? Choďťe domov a opýtajte sa tieto otázky a potom pomôžte ľuďom okolo seba.
And it's simple. And why should we care about this? We talk about world peace. How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages? I think it starts household by household, under the same roof. So, let's make it right in our own backyard. And I want to thank all of you in the audience for being great husbands, great mothers, friends, daughters, sons. And maybe somebody's never said that to you, but you've done a really, really good job. And thank you for being here, just showing up and changing the world with your ideas.
Je to jednoduché. Prečo by nás to vôbec malo trápiť? Hovoríme o svetovom mieri. Ako môžeme mať svetový mier, keď máme rôzne kultúry a jazyky? Myslím si, že to začína v domácnosti, pod jednou strechou. Pozametajme si teda na vlastnom dvore. Chcem vám všetkým v hľadisku poďakovať za to, že ste takí skvelí manželia, úžasné matky, priatelia, dcéry, synovia. Môžno vám to nikto nikdy nepovedal, ale robíte veľmi, veľmi dobrú prácu. Tiež ďakujem za to, že ste tu, že ste prišli a že meníte svet svojimi nápadmi.
Thank you. (Applause)
Ďakujem. (Potlesk)