Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine.
Bok. Ovdje sam kako bih vam pričala o važnosti pohvale, divljenja i zahvalnosti, i kako bi to moralo biti specifično i iskreno.
And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I'd just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt embarrassed. And then my question became, am I the only one who does this? So, I decided to investigate.
To me je zainteresiralo tako što sam kod sebe primjetila, dok sam odrastala, i sve do prije nekoliko godina, kako bih poželjela nekome reći "hvala ti", voljela bih pohvaliti ih, i voljela bih da oni mene pohvale, a onda bih se zaustavila. I zapitala sam se, zašto je tako? Osjetila bih stid, osjetila bih sram. I onda sam se zapitala jesam li ja jedina koja se tako osjeća? Tako sam odlučila to istražiti.
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction. And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them. But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son. It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
Imam sreće što radim u rehabilitacijskoj ustanovi, pa viđam ljude koji se suočavaju sa životom i smrću s ovišnošću. I ponekad se sve svodi na nešto jednostavno poput, da je njihova najdublja rana to što im je otac umro bez da je rekao koliko je ponosan na njih. Ali onda su čuli od cijele obitelji i prijatelja kako je otac rekao svima drugima koliko je ponosan na njega, ali to nikada nije rekao svom sinu. To je zato jer nije znao koliko je njegovom sinu potrebno da to čuje.
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 25 years, who's longing to hear his wife say, "Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids," but won't ask. I know a woman who's good at this. She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, "I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids." And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great." And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that. And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
Dakle, moje pitanje je, zašto ne tražimo stvari koje su nam potrebne? Znam gospodina koji je u braku 25 godina koji žudi da njegova žena kaže, "Hvala ti što donosiš kruh na stol, kako bih ja mogla ostati s djecom kod kuće", ali ne pita. Znam ženu koja je dobra u tome. Ona se, jednom tjedno, sretne s mužem i kaže, "Željela bih da mi se zahvališ za sve te stvari koje radim u kući i s djecom." A on kaže, "Oh, to je sjajno, to je sjajno." Pohvala mora biti iskrena, ali ona preuzima odgovornost za to. Jedna moja prijateljica, April, koju znam još iz vrtića, zahvaljuje svojoj djeci jer obavljaju kućne poslove. I ona kaže, "Zašto im ne bih zahvaljivala, premda im je to obvezai?!"
So, the question is, why was I blocking it? Why were other people blocking it? Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare, I need size six shoes," but I won't say, "Would you praise me this way?" And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me. I'm telling you where I'm insecure. I'm telling you where I need your help. And I'm treating you, my inner circle, like you're the enemy. Because what can you do with that data? You could neglect me. You could abuse it. Or you could actually meet my need.
Dakle pitanje je, zašto sam ja to blokirala? Zašto su to drugi ljudi blokirali? Zašto mogu reči, "Uzeti ću srednje pečeni odrezak, trebam cipele broj 36", ali ne želim reči, "Možeš li me pohvaliti na ovaj način?" To je zato što vam dajem kritične informacije o sebi. Govorim vam gdje sam nesigurna. Govorim vam gdje mi je potrebna vaša pomoć. I tretiram vas, svoj najuži krug, kao da ste mi neprijatelji. Jer što vi možete napraviti s tim podacima? Možete me zanemariti. Možete ih zloupotrijebiti. Ili možete odgovoriti mojim potrebama.
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this -- same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels. The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels, it's going to make the bike so much better." I get the same bike back, and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new. So, I'm going to challenge all of you. I want you to true your wheels: be honest about the praise that you need to hear. What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife -- go ask her, what does she need? Go home to your husband -- what does he need? Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
I tako sam odvezla svoj bicikl u servis -- volim ovo -- isti bicikl, i oni su mi izbalansirali kotače. Dečko mi je rekao, "Znate kada izbalansirate kotače bicikl će vam biti znatno bolji." Dobila sam isti bicikl nazad, a oni su izravnali sve male neravnine na kotačima koje sam imala dvije i pol godine, i sad je moj bicikl kao nov. Zato ću vas sada sve izazvati. Želim da izbalansirate svoje kotače: budite iskreni o pohvalama koje želite čuti. Što želite čuti? Odite kući svojoj ženi idite i pitajte ju, što točno ona treba? Odite kući svom mužu -- što točno on treba? Odite kući i postavite ta pitanja, te pomozite ljudima oko sebe.
And it's simple. And why should we care about this? We talk about world peace. How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages? I think it starts household by household, under the same roof. So, let's make it right in our own backyard. And I want to thank all of you in the audience for being great husbands, great mothers, friends, daughters, sons. And maybe somebody's never said that to you, but you've done a really, really good job. And thank you for being here, just showing up and changing the world with your ideas.
I to je jednostavno. A zašto bismo o tome trebali brinuti? Govorimo o miru u svijetu. Kako možemo imati svjetski mir s različitim kulturama, različitim jezicima? Mislim da to počinje od kućanstva do kućanstva, pod istim krovom. Zato krenimo od vlastitog dvorišta. I želim vam svima u publici zahvaliti što ste sjajni muževi, sjajne majke, prijatelji, kćeri, sinovi. I možda vam to nitko nikada nije rekao, ali napravili ste stvarno, stvarno dobar posao. I hvala vam što ste ovdje, što ste se pojavili i što želite promijeniti svijet svojim idejama.
Thank you. (Applause)
Hvala vam. (Pljesak)