For a long time in my life, I felt like I'd been living two different lives. There's the life that everyone sees, and then there's the life that only I see. And in the life that everyone sees, who I am is a friend, a son, a brother, a stand-up comedian and a teenager. That's the life everyone sees. If you were to ask my friends and family to describe me, that's what they would tell you. And that's a huge part of me. That is who I am. And if you were to ask me to describe myself, I'd probably say some of those same things. And I wouldn't be lying, but I wouldn't totally be telling you the truth, either, because the truth is, that's just the life everyone else sees. In the life that only I see, who I am, who I really am, is someone who struggles intensely with depression. I have for the last six years of my life, and I continue to every day.
Durante moito tempo, sentía que estaba a vivir dúas vidas: a vida que a xente ve, e logo a que só vexo eu. Na primeira delas eu son un amigo. un fillo, un irmán, un cómico e un adolescente. Esa é a vida que todo o mundo ve. De describirme amigos e familia isto é o que dirían. E iso é gran parte do que son. E se me describise a min mesmo, de seguro que diría algo parecido. E non estaría mentindo, nin tampouco a dicir toda a verdade, porque a verdade é, que iso só é a vida que os demais ven. E na vida que só eu vexo, na que realmente son eu, vexo alguén que lida coa depresión desde hai xa seis anos. e así, todos os días.
Now, for someone who has never experienced depression or doesn't really know what that means, that might surprise them to hear, because there's this pretty popular misconception that depression is just being sad when something in your life goes wrong, when you break up with your girlfriend, when you lose a loved one, when you don't get the job you wanted. But that's sadness. That's a natural thing. That's a natural human emotion. Real depression isn't being sad when something in your life goes wrong. Real depression is being sad when everything in your life is going right. That's real depression, and that's what I suffer from.
Para quen nunca a sufriu ou non sabe ben o que é, isto pode sorprendelo, porque é habitual o mito de que a depresión é estar triste cando algo na túa vida vai mal: cando cortas coa moza, ou perdes un ser querido, ou non obtés o traballo que querías. Pero iso é tristura: é algo normal. Son emocións humanas naturais. A depresión real non é estar triste cando algo na túa vida vai mal. A depresión real é estar triste cando todo na túa vida vai ben. Iso é a depresión real, a que eu sufro.
And to be totally honest, that's hard for me to stand up here and say. It's hard for me to talk about, and it seems to be hard for everyone to talk about, so much so that no one's talking about it. And no one's talking about depression, but we need to be, because right now it's a massive problem. It's a massive problem. But we don't see it on social media, right? We don't see it on Facebook. We don't see it on Twitter. We don't see it on the news, because it's not happy, it's not fun, it's not light. And so because we don't see it, we don't see the severity of it.
E para ser completamente sincero, resúltame duro estar aquí e dicilo. Resúltame duro falar do tema, e parece que ao resto da xente tamén: tanto que ninguén está a falalo. E ninguén está a falalo, pero é necesario, porque está a ser un problema enorme. É un problema enorme. Pero non está nas redes sociais, nin en Facebook, nin en Twitter, nin nas noticias porque non é alegre, non é divertido, non é fácil. E como non o vemos, tampouco vemos o grave que é.
But the severity of it and the seriousness of it is this: every 30 seconds, every 30 seconds, somewhere, someone in the world takes their own life because of depression, and it might be two blocks away, it might be two countries away, it might be two continents away, but it's happening, and it's happening every single day. And we have a tendency, as a society, to look at that and go, "So what?" So what? We look at that, and we go, "That's your problem. That's their problem." We say we're sad and we say we're sorry, but we also say, "So what?"
Pero a gravidade e seriedade é esta: cada 30 segundos, cada 30 segundos, en algures, alguén acaba coa súa vida por mor da depresión, e pode que a dúas rúas, a dous países ou a dous continentes de aquí. Pero está a pasar todos os días. E adoitamos, como sociedade, velo e dicir: "E que?" "E que?" Vémolo e pensamos: "É problema teu." "É problema seu." Dános mágoa e sentímolo, pero tamén dicimos, "E que?"
Well, two years ago it was my problem, because I sat on the edge of my bed where I'd sat a million times before and I was suicidal. I was suicidal, and if you were to look at my life on the surface, you wouldn't see a kid who was suicidal. You'd see a kid who was the captain of his basketball team, the drama and theater student of the year, the English student of the year, someone who was consistently on the honor roll and consistently at every party. So you would say I wasn't depressed, you would say I wasn't suicidal, but you would be wrong. You would be wrong. So I sat there that night beside a bottle of pills with a pen and paper in my hand and I thought about taking my own life and I came this close to doing it. I came this close to doing it.
Pois hai dous anos era problema meu, porque sentei ao bordo da cama como un millón de veces antes e tiña pensamentos suicidas. Era suicida, pero de mirar para min, non verías un rapaz que era suicida: verías o capitán do equipo de baloncesto, o mellor estudante de teatro o mellor en inglés, sempre na lista de honores e en todas as festas. Non dirías que estaba deprimido, nin suicida, pero estarías errado. Moi errado. Sentei esa noite de lado dun bote de pílulas cun bolígrafo e papel na man e pensei en acabar coa vida e estiven así de preto de facelo. Así de preto.
And I didn't, so that makes me one of the lucky ones, one of the people who gets to step out on the ledge and look down but not jump, one of the lucky ones who survives. Well, I survived, and that just leaves me with my story, and my story is this: In four simple words, I suffer from depression. I suffer from depression, and for a long time, I think, I was living two totally different lives, where one person was always afraid of the other. I was afraid that people would see me for who I really was, that I wasn't the perfect, popular kid in high school everyone thought I was, that beneath my smile, there was struggle, and beneath my light, there was dark, and beneath my big personality just hid even bigger pain.
Non o fixen, así que son dos afortunados, deses que sentan na repisa, miran para abaixo pero non saltan, un dos afortunados que sobreviven. E iso déixame coa miña historia, e a miña historia é esta: en dúas palabras: sufro depresión. Sufro depresión, e durante moito tempo, creo, estaba a vivir dúas vidas diferentes en que unha persoa sempre temía a outra. Temía que se vise quen era realmente, non o rapaz perfecto e popular de instituto que todos crían, que tras o meu sorriso había dor, e tras a miña luz había escuridade, tras a miña gran personalidade, unha meirande dor.
See, some people might fear girls not liking them back. Some people might fear sharks. Some people might fear death. But for me, for a large part of my life, I feared myself. I feared my truth, I feared my honesty, I feared my vulnerability, and that fear made me feel like I was forced into a corner, like I was forced into a corner and there was only one way out, and so I thought about that way every single day. I thought about it every single day, and if I'm being totally honest, standing here I've thought about it again since, because that's the sickness, that's the struggle, that's depression, and depression isn't chicken pox. You don't beat it once and it's gone forever. It's something you live with. It's something you live in. It's the roommate you can't kick out. It's the voice you can't ignore. It's the feelings you can't seem to escape, the scariest part is that after a while, you become numb to it. It becomes normal for you, and what you really fear the most isn't the suffering inside of you. It's the stigma inside of others, it's the shame, it's the embarrassment, it's the disapproving look on a friend's face, it's the whispers in the hallway that you're weak, it's the comments that you're crazy. That's what keeps you from getting help. That's what makes you hold it in and hide it. It's the stigma. So you hold it in and you hide it, and you hold it in and you hide it, and even though it's keeping you in bed every day and it's making your life feel empty no matter how much you try and fill it, you hide it, because the stigma in our society around depression is very real. It's very real, and if you think that it isn't, ask yourself this: Would you rather make your next Facebook status say you're having a tough time getting out of bed because you hurt your back or you're having a tough time getting out of bed every morning because you're depressed? That's the stigma, because unfortunately, we live in a world where if you break your arm, everyone runs over to sign your cast, but if you tell people you're depressed, everyone runs the other way. That's the stigma. We are so, so, so accepting of any body part breaking down other than our brains. And that's ignorance. That's pure ignorance, and that ignorance has created a world that doesn't understand depression, that doesn't understand mental health. And that's ironic to me, because depression is one of the best documented problems we have in the world, yet it's one of the least discussed. We just push it aside and put it in a corner and pretend it's not there and hope it'll fix itself.
Algúns temerán non gustarlles ás mozas, algúns ás quenllas e outros á morte. Pero eu, por moito tempo, teminme a min mesmo: á miña verdade, honestidade e vulnerabilidade, e ese temor facíame sentir como se estivese acantoado, acantoado e cunha soa saída. Así que pensaba niso todos os días, todos os días. E se vos digo a verdade, volvín pensalo, porque así é a enfermidade, así é a loita, a depresión; non é como a varicela, non se supera unha vez para sempre. É algo co que vives, en que vives. É o compañeiro que non podes botar, a voz que non cala, os sentimentos que te apresan. E o máis aterrador é que, ao cabo, te volves insensible, vólvese normal, e o que máis temes non é o sufrimento dentro senón o estigma dos demais, a vergoña, o desacougo, a mirada de desaprobación dun amigo, os rumores no corredor de que es débil. os comentarios de que estás tolo. Iso é o que che impide pedir axuda. e o que fai que o aguantes e o agoches. É o estigma: aguántalo e agóchalo, aguántalo e agóchalo. Se ben te atrapa na cama a diario e baleira a túa vida, por moito que fagas por enchela, escóndelo, porque o estigma social en canto á depresión, é real. Moi real, e se pensas que non, pregúntate: preferirías publicar no Facebook que che custa saír da cama porque che doe o lombo, ou que che custa erguerte polas mañás por estares deprimido? Ese é o estigma, porque desafortunadamente no noso mundo, se rompes o brazo, todos corren asinarche a escaiola, pero se dis que tes depresión, escapan correndo. Ese é o estigma. Aceptamos que falle calquera parte do corpo menos o cerebro. E iso é ignorancia: ignorancia pura que creou un mundo que non entende de depresión, nin de saúde mental. E iso resúltame irónico, pois a depresión é dos problemas máis documentados pero dos menos comentados. Apartámolo e esquecémolo nunha esquina coa esperanza que se arranxe só.
Well, it won't. It hasn't, and it's not going to, because that's wishful thinking, and wishful thinking isn't a game plan, it's procrastination, and we can't procrastinate on something this important. The first step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. Well, we haven't done that, so we can't really expect to find an answer when we're still afraid of the question.
Pero non, non o fixo nin o fará, porque isto é ilusorio, e non serve de nada: é procrastinar e non se pode procrastinar sobre algo tan importante. Primeiro, para resolver un problema hai que recoñecer que existe. E como non o fixemos, non podemos pretender unha resposta se se teme a pregunta.
And I don't know what the solution is. I wish I did, but I don't -- but I think, I think it has to start here. It has to start with me, it has to start with you, it has to start with the people who are suffering, the ones who are hidden in the shadows. We need to speak up and shatter the silence. We need to be the ones who are brave for what we believe in, because if there's one thing that I've come to realize, if there's one thing that I see as the biggest problem, it's not in building a world where we eliminate the ignorance of others. It's in building a world where we teach the acceptance of ourselves, where we're okay with who we are, because when we get honest, we see that we all struggle and we all suffer. Whether it's with this, whether it's with something else, we all know what it is to hurt. We all know what it is to have pain in our heart, and we all know how important it is to heal. But right now, depression is society's deep cut that we're content to put a Band-Aid over and pretend it's not there.
E eu non sei cal é a solución. Oxalá si, pero non a teño –-pero penso, penso que ten que comezar aquí. Ten que comezar comigo, contigo, coa xente que está a sufrir, que está escondida na sombra. Debemos alzar a voz e rachar o silencio. Debemos defender con valentía o que cremos porque se de algo me dei de conta, se hai algo que para min é o problema máis grande non é construír un mundo en que eliminemos a ignorancia dos outros, senón un en que se ensine a aceptarse, a estar ben consigo, porque cando nos abrimos, vemos que todos loitamos e sufrimos. Ben sexa con isto ou con outra cousa, todos sabemos o que é sufrir. Porque a todos nos doe o corazón, e sabemos a importancia de recuperarse. Pero neste momento a depresión é unha ferida social que tapamos cun apósito, coma se nada.
Well, it is there. It is there, and you know what? It's okay. Depression is okay. If you're going through it, know that you're okay. And know that you're sick, you're not weak, and it's an issue, not an identity, because when you get past the fear and the ridicule and the judgment and the stigma of others, you can see depression for what it really is, and that's just a part of life, just a part of life, and as much as I hate, as much as I hate some of the places, some of the parts of my life depression has dragged me down to, in a lot of ways I'm grateful for it. Because yeah, it's put me in the valleys, but only to show me there's peaks, and yeah it's dragged me through the dark but only to remind me there is light. My pain, more than anything in 19 years on this planet, has given me perspective, and my hurt, my hurt has forced me to have hope, have hope and to have faith, faith in myself, faith in others, faith that it can get better, that we can change this, that we can speak up and speak out and fight back against ignorance, fight back against intolerance, and more than anything, learn to love ourselves, learn to accept ourselves for who we are, the people we are, not the people the world wants us to be. Because the world I believe in is one where embracing your light doesn't mean ignoring your dark. The world I believe in is one where we're measured by our ability to overcome adversities, not avoid them. The world I believe in is one where I can look someone in the eye and say, "I'm going through hell," and they can look back at me and go, "Me too," and that's okay, and it's okay because depression is okay. We're people. We're people, and we struggle and we suffer and we bleed and we cry, and if you think that true strength means never showing any weakness, then I'm here to tell you you're wrong. You're wrong, because it's the opposite. We're people, and we have problems. We're not perfect, and that's okay.
Pero segue aí. E sabedes que? Non pasa nada. A depresión é lícita. Se a tes, que saibas que o é. que estás enfermo, non débil, que é un problema, non unha identidade, porque cando superas o medo e a mofa e o prexuízo e o estigma dos demais, verás a depresión polo que realmente é: só unha parte da vida, só unha parte da vida, e por moito que odie, que odie algúns dos lugares, algunhas das partes da vida ás que me arrastrou, de moitos xeitos, agradézoo. Porque se me meteu nun val, foi para mostrarme os cumios, e se me arrastrou polas tebras foi para lembrarme que había luz. A miña dor, máis que nada en 19 anos, deume perspectiva. A miña dor obrigoume a ter esperanza, esperanza e confianza en min mesmo, nos demais, en que pode mellorar, que podemos cambialo, denuncialo denuncialo e loitar contra a ignorancia, loitar contra a intolerancia, e máis que nada aprender a querernos a nós mesmos, a aceptarnos por quen somos: quen somos, non quen o mundo quere. Porque o mundo en que creo é onde abrazar a túa luz non implica ignorar a túa escuridade. Un mundo en que se nos valore a capacidade de vencer a adversidade, non esquivala. Un mundo en que podo mirar alguén, dicirlle: "Estou a vivir un inferno." E que me miren e digan: "Eu tamén." E non pasa nada. Porque a depresión é lícita. Somos persoas. Somos persoas, e sufrimos e loitamos, sangramos e choramos. Se pensas que ser forte é nunca mostrar debilidades, estou aquí para dicirche que estás equivocado. Estás equivocado porque é o oposto. Somos persoas e temos problemas. Non somos perfectos, non pasa nada.
So we need to stop the ignorance, stop the intolerance, stop the stigma, and stop the silence, and we need to take away the taboos, take a look at the truth, and start talking, because the only way we're going to beat a problem that people are battling alone is by standing strong together, by standing strong together.
Así que debemos parar a ignorancia, a intolerancia, o estigma, parar o silencio e eliminar os tabús, mirar a verdade e comezar a falar: o único xeito de vencer o problema, que a xente está a combater soa, é sermos fortes xuntos, sermos fortes xuntos.
And I believe that we can. I believe that we can. Thank you guys so much. This is a dream come true. Thank you. (Applause) Thank you. (Applause)
E eu creo que somos quen. Si que o creo. Moitísimas grazas a todos. Isto é un soño feito realidade. Grazas. (Aplausos) Grazas. (Aplausos)