As an actor, I get scripts and it's my job to stay on script, to say my lines and bring to life a character that someone else wrote. Over the course of my career, I've had the great honor playing some of the greatest male role models ever represented on television. You might recognize me as "Male Escort #1."
身為演員,我會拿到劇本, 我的工作就是要跟著劇本走, 說我的台詞, 將作者筆下的角色賦予鮮活的生命。 在我的職涯中, 我很榮幸 演出電視史上一些最偉大的 男性典範角色。 你可能會認得我演出過 「男伴遊 #1」。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
"Photographer Date Rapist," "Shirtless Date Rapist" from the award-winning "Spring Break Shark Attack."
「攝影師約會強暴者」、 「半裸約會強暴者」, 來自得獎的《春假鯊魚攻擊》。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
"Shirtless Medical Student," "Shirtless Steroid-Using Con Man" and, in my most well-known role, as Rafael.
「半裸醫學系學生」、 「用類固醇的半裸騙子」、 還有我最著名的角色,拉斐爾。 (註:出自影集《貞愛好孕到》)
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A brooding, reformed playboy who falls for, of all things, a virgin, and who is only occasionally shirtless.
這角色是個憂鬱且 改過自新的花花公子, 竟然愛上了一個處女, 這角色只有偶爾才半裸。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Now, these roles don't represent the kind of man I am in my real life, but that's what I love about acting. I get to live inside characters very different than myself. But every time I got one of these roles, I was surprised, because most of the men I play ooze machismo, charisma and power, and when I look in the mirror, that's just not how I see myself. But it was how Hollywood saw me, and over time, I noticed a parallel between the roles I would play as a man both on-screen and off.
這些角色並不代表 在現實生活中我是怎樣的人, 但那就是我喜歡演戲的原因。 我可以活在 和自身迥然不同的角色裡。 但每次我得到一個角色, 我都會很訝異, 因為大部份我扮演的男性角色 都散發著大男人氣概、 魅力和權力, 當我看著鏡子, 知道那並非我眼中真正的自己。 但那是好萊塢眼中的我, 隨時間過去,我注意到, 我在螢幕上所扮演的男性形象 和螢幕下的我有著相似之處。
I've been pretending to be a man that I'm not my entire life. I've been pretending to be strong when I felt weak, confident when I felt insecure and tough when really I was hurting. I think for the most part I've just been kind of putting on a show, but I'm tired of performing. And I can tell you right now that it is exhausting trying to be man enough for everyone all the time. Now -- right?
我一直都假扮成 和真實自我不同的人。 當我感到脆弱時,我假裝堅強, 當我沒安全感時,我假裝自信, 當我很受傷時,我假裝強悍。 我想大部份的時候我只是在扮演, 但我厭倦了這樣。 我現在可以告訴各位, 要隨時為了所有人,試著表現得 像個男子漢,真的很累人。 對吧?
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
My brother heard that.
我兄弟聽到了。
Now, for as long as I can remember, I've been told the kind of man that I should grow up to be. As a boy, all I wanted was to be accepted and liked by the other boys, but that acceptance meant I had to acquire this almost disgusted view of the feminine, and since we were told that feminine is the opposite of masculine, I either had to reject embodying any of these qualities or face rejection myself. This is the script that we've been given. Right? Girls are weak, and boys are strong. This is what's being subconsciously communicated to hundreds of millions of young boys and girls all over the world, just like it was with me.
從我有記憶開始,我就一直被告知 長大之後應該要成為怎樣的男人。 當我還是小男孩時,我所想要的 就只是被其他男孩接受和喜歡, 但接受就代表著我得要取得 這幾乎讓人厭惡的對女性化的觀點, 我們被告知,女性化 就是男子氣概的相反詞, 我得要拒絕呈現出任何女性化特質, 要不然就得面對自己被拒絕。 我們拿到的就是這樣的劇本。 對吧?女孩很柔弱,男孩很強壯。 在潛意識中,這概念已經 傳達給全世界數億名年輕男女, 就像我以前一樣。
Well, I came here today to say, as a man that this is wrong, this is toxic, and it has to end.
今天我以男人的身份來這裡說明, 這是錯的,這是有害的, 且這必須要停止。
(Applause)
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Now, I'm not here to give a history lesson. We likely all know how we got here, OK? But I'm just a guy that woke up after 30 years and realized that I was living in a state of conflict, conflict with who I feel I am in my core and conflict with who the world tells me as a man I should be. But I don't have a desire to fit into the current broken definition of masculinity, because I don't just want to be a good man. I want to be a good human. And I believe the only way that can happen is if men learn to not only embrace the qualities that we were told are feminine in ourselves but to be willing to stand up, to champion and learn from the women who embody them.
我不是來教歷史課的。 我們可能都知道 我們是如何走到這一步的,對吧? 我只是一個在三十年後醒來的男人, 發現我處在一個衝突的狀態中, 和自我的內在核心價值有所衝突, 和這個世界告訴我該成為 怎樣的男人而有所衝突。 但我並不想要 苟同目前欠缺周延的男子氣概定義, 因為我並不想要只當個好男人。 我想要當個好人。 我相信能做到這點的唯一方式, 就是男人不只要學會去擁抱自己 那些被人們認為是女性化的特質, 且要願意站出來, 去支持呈現這些特質的女性, 並向她們學習。
Now, men --
男人們,
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
I am not saying that everything we have learned is toxic. OK? I'm not saying there's anything inherently wrong with you or me, and men, I'm not saying we have to stop being men. But we need balance, right? We need balance, and the only way things will change is if we take a real honest look at the scripts that have been passed down to us from generation to generation and the roles that, as men, we choose to take on in our everyday lives.
我並不是說我們學到的一切 都是有害的,好嗎? 我並不是說你或我 有什麼天生錯誤的地方, 男人們,我並不是說 我們不要繼續做男人。 但我們需要平衡,對吧? 我們需要平衡, 要改變現狀唯一的方式, 就是我們能夠誠實地去審視 那些一代傳一代, 傳到我們手上的劇本, 以及身為男人的我們, 在日常生活當中選擇 去扮演的角色。
So speaking of scripts, the first script I ever got came from my dad. My dad is awesome. He's loving, he's kind, he's sensitive, he's nurturing, he's here.
說到劇本, 我拿到的第一本劇本是來自我爸爸。 我爸爸很了不起。 他很慈愛、仁慈、 他很敏感、他會很鼓勵人, 他在現場。
(Applause)
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He's crying.
他在哭。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
But, sorry, Dad, as a kid I resented him for it, because I blamed him for making me soft, which wasn't welcomed in the small town in Oregon that we had moved to. Because being soft meant that I was bullied. See, my dad wasn't traditionally masculine, so he didn't teach me how to use my hands. He didn't teach me how to hunt, how to fight, you know, man stuff. Instead he taught me what he knew: that being a man was about sacrifice and doing whatever you can to take care of and provide for your family. But there was another role I learned how to play from my dad, who, I discovered, learned it from his dad, a state senator who later in life had to work nights as a janitor to support his family, and he never told a soul. That role was to suffer in secret. And now three generations later, I find myself playing that role, too. So why couldn't my grandfather just reach out to another man and ask for help? Why does my dad to this day still think he's got to do it all on his own? I know a man who would rather die than tell another man that they're hurting. But it's not because we're just all, like, strong silent types. It's not. A lot of us men are really good at making friends, and talking, just not about anything real.
但,抱歉,爸爸, 我小時候很討厭他那些特質, 因為我怪罪他讓我很軟弱, 在我們後來搬去的奧勒崗的小鎮上, 軟弱是不受歡迎的。 因為軟弱就表示我會被霸凌。 我爸爸並不符合 傳統所定義的男子氣概, 所以他沒有教我如何用我的手。 他沒有教我如何打獵、如何打架, 你們知道的,男人做的事。 反而,他教我他會的東西: 身為一個男人的重點是 ── 犧牲, 並盡你所能 去照顧和供養你的家庭。 但我還從我爸爸那兒學到 如何扮演另一個角色, 我發現,他是從他爸爸那裡學來的, 他爸爸是一位州參議員, 在人生的後期, 得在晚上做工友來養家餬口, 他從來沒有告訴任何人。 那個角色就是在背地裡受苦。 三個世代之後, 我發現我自己也在扮演那個角色。 為什麼我祖父不能向另一個男人 伸手求助? 為什麼我爸爸至今仍然認為 他得靠自己一個人來做所有事? 我知道有的男人寧可死, 也不把自己的傷痛告訴另一個男人。 但那並不是因為我們 都是堅強沉默型的人。 並非如此。 有很多男人很會交朋友,很會說話, 只是說不出什麼真實的東西。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
If it's about work or sports or politics or women, we have no problem sharing our opinions, but if it's about our insecurities or our struggles, our fear of failure, then it's almost like we become paralyzed. At least, I do.
如果話題是工作、 運動、政治或女人, 分享我們的意見是完全沒問題的, 但若談及我們的不安全感和掙扎, 我們對失敗的恐懼, 我們就幾乎和癱瘓了一樣。 至少我是如此。
So some of the ways that I have been practicing breaking free of this behavior are by creating experiences that force me to be vulnerable. So if there's something I'm experiencing shame around in my life, I practice diving straight into it, no matter how scary it is -- and sometimes, even publicly. Because then in doing so I take away its power, and my display of vulnerability can in some cases give other men permission to do the same.
所以我一直在練習一些方式, 來擺脫這種行為, 包括去創造能強迫我脆弱的經驗。 所以,如果在我的人生中 有件事會讓我感到羞恥, 我就練習直接去深入它, 不論那讓我多害怕, 有時,甚至公開做。 因為透過這麼做, 我就能奪走它的力量, 我展現出的脆弱 在某些情況下,可以讓 其他男人也跟著這麼做。
As an example, a little while ago I was wrestling with an issue in my life that I knew I needed to talk to my guy friends about, but I was so paralyzed by fear that they would judge me and see me as weak and I would lose my standing as a leader that I knew I had to take them out of town on a three-day guys trip --
舉個例子,不久之前 我在努力對付我生人中的一個問題, 我知道我得要和男性朋友談這件事, 但恐懼讓我癱軟無力, 怕他們會評斷我、覺得我很柔弱, 我就會失去領導者的地位, 我知道我得要帶他們出城, 去一趟三天的男性之旅──
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Just to open up. And guess what? It wasn't until the end of the third day that I finally found the strength to talk to them about what I was going through. But when I did, something amazing happened. I realized that I wasn't alone, because my guys had also been struggling. And as soon as I found the strength and the courage to share my shame, it was gone. Now, I've learned over time that if I want to practice vulnerability, then I need to build myself a system of accountability. So I've been really blessed as an actor. I've built a really wonderful fan base, really, really sweet and engaged, and so I decided to use my social platform as kind of this Trojan horse wherein I could create a daily practice of authenticity and vulnerability. The response has been incredible. It's been affirming, it's been heartwarming. I get tons of love and press and positive messages daily. But it's all from a certain demographic: women.
只為了打開心扉。猜猜如何? 一直到第三天的最後, 我終於鼓起勇氣去和他們談 我經歷了什麼事。 當我這麼做時,神奇的事發生了。 我發現我並不孤單, 因為我的男性朋友們也都在掙扎。 當我找到力量和勇氣 來分享我的羞恥, 它就消失了。 隨時間過去,我學到 如果我想要練習學著脆弱, 我就得為自己建立一個責任系統。 我很幸運是個演員。 我有非常美好的粉絲群, 他們很貼心也很投入, 所以我決定用我的社交平台 來當作特洛伊木馬, 在那裡我能每天練習真實和脆弱。 得到的反應很不可思議。 反應一直很肯定、很窩心。 我每天都接收到眾多的 愛、媒體評論和正面訊息。 但都是來自一個特定的族群: 女性。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
This is real. Why are only women following me? Where are the men?
這是真的。 為什麼只有女性追蹤我? 男人到哪去了?
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
About a year ago, I posted this photo. Now, afterwards, I was scrolling through some of the comments, and I noticed that one of my female fans had tagged her boyfriend in the picture, and her boyfriend responded by saying, "Please stop tagging me in gay shit. Thx."
大約一年前,我貼出了這張照片。 之後,我在滑手機看一些留言, 我注意到,我的一位女影迷 在這照片標記了她的男友, 她男友回應說: 「別繼續在這種同性戀的 屁事上標記我。 謝謝。」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
As if being gay makes you less of a man, right?
說得好像身為同性戀 就會讓你變得不夠男人,對吧?
So I took a deep breath, and I responded. I said, very politely, that I was just curious, because I'm on an exploration of masculinity, and I wanted to know why my love for my wife qualified as gay shit. And then I said, honestly I just wanted to learn.
所以我深吸了一口氣, 然後回應了他。 我說, 很禮貌地說,我只是好奇, 因為我正在探索研究男子氣慨, 我想要知道為什麼我對妻子的愛 符合同性戀垃圾的資格。 我接著說,老實講我只是想要了解。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Now, he immediately wrote me back. I thought he was going to go off on me, but instead he apologized. He told me how, growing up, public displays of affection were looked down on. He told me that he was wrestling and struggling with his ego, and how much he loved his girlfriend and how thankful he was for her patience. And then a few weeks later, he messaged me again. This time he sent me a photo of him on one knee proposing.
他馬上回應我。 我以為他會很氣我,但他卻道歉了。 他告訴我,在他成長過成中, 公開示愛是會被人看貶的。 他告訴我,他在努力對抗他的自我, 以及他有多愛他的女友, 他有多感謝她的耐心。 幾週之後, 他又發了訊息給我。 這次他傳了張照片給我, 是他單膝跪地求婚。
(Applause)
(掌聲)
And all he said was, "Thank you."
他只說了:「謝謝你。」
I've been this guy. I get it. See, publicly, he was just playing his role, rejecting the feminine, right? But secretly he was waiting for permission to express himself, to be seen, to be heard, and all he needed was another man holding him accountable and creating a safe space for him to feel, and the transformation was instant. I loved this experience, because it showed me that transformation is possible, even over direct messages. So I wanted to figure out how I could reach more men, but of course none of them were following me.
我曾經像這個傢伙一樣。 我能懂。 在公開場合, 他只是在扮演他的角色, 拒絕女性化,對吧? 但私底下, 他在等待能讓他表達自己、 被看見、被聽見的許可, 而他所需要的,只是另一個男人 讓他放手去做,為他創造 一個讓他感覺舒適的空間, 而轉變立刻就會發生。 我很愛這段經驗, 因為它讓我看到轉變是有可能的, 即使是透過直接的訊息。 所以我想要找出讓我能 接觸更多男人的方式, 但,當然他們都沒追蹤我。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
So I tried an experiment. I started posting more stereotypically masculine things --
所以我嘗試了一個實驗。 我開始貼一些關於男子氣概 刻板印象的東西──
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Like my challenging workouts, my meal plans, my journey to heal my body after an injury. And guess what happened? Men started to write me. And then, out of the blue, for the first time in my entire career, a male fitness magazine called me, and they said they wanted to honor me as one of their game-changers.
像是我的挑戰性健身、 我的飲食計畫、 我在受傷後如何治癒我身體的旅程。 猜猜發生了什麼事? 男人開始寫信給我。 突然間,在我職涯中頭一次, 一本男性健身雜誌打電話給我, 他們想給我一項榮耀,選我為 他們的遊戲規則顛覆者之一。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Was that really game-changing? Or is it just conforming? And see, that's the problem. It's totally cool for men to follow me when I talk about guy stuff and I conform to gender norms. But if I talk about how much I love my wife or my daughter or my 10-day-old son, how I believe that marriage is challenging but beautiful, or how as a man I struggle with body dysmorphia, or if I promote gender equality, then only the women show up. Where are the men? So men, men, men, men!
那算是顛覆遊戲規則嗎? 還是只是遵循? 那就是問題所在。 當我在談男性的話題時, 男人都覺得追蹤我沒問題, 因為我遵循了性別規範。 但如果我談我有多愛我妻子、 我女兒,或才出生十天的兒子, 談我相信婚姻是 很有挑戰性但也很美好的, 或談我身為男人如何因為 身體畸形恐懼症而掙扎, 或談如果我提倡性別平等, 結果只有女性會參與。 男人在哪裡? 所以,男人,男人,男人, 男人!
(Applause)
(掌聲)
I understand. Growing up, we tend to challenge each other. We've got to be the toughest, the strongest, the bravest men that we can be. And for many of us, myself included, our identities are wrapped up in whether or not at the end of the day we feel like we're man enough. But I've got a challenge for all the guys, because men love challenges.
我了解。 成長過程中,我們傾向會挑戰彼此。 我們得要盡所能成為 最強悍、最強壯、最勇敢的男人。 許多男人,包括我自己, 我們對自我認知的定義 可歸結為覺得自己是否夠男子氣概。 但我要給所有男人一個挑戰, 因為男人愛挑戰。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
I challenge you to see if you can use the same qualities that you feel make you a man to go deeper into yourself. Your strength, your bravery, your toughness: Can we redefine what those mean and use them to explore our hearts? Are you brave enough to be vulnerable? To reach out to another man when you need help? To dive headfirst into your shame? Are you strong enough to be sensitive, to cry whether you are hurting or you're happy, even if it makes you look weak? Are you confident enough to listen to the women in your life? To hear their ideas and their solutions? To hold their anguish and actually believe them, even if what they're saying is against you? And will you be man enough to stand up to other men when you hear "locker room talk," when you hear stories of sexual harassment? When you hear your boys talking about grabbing ass or getting her drunk, will you actually stand up and do something so that one day we don't have to live in a world where a woman has to risk everything and come forward to say the words "me too?"
我挑戰你們,你們是否能夠用那些 讓你們覺得自己像男人的特質, 來更深入你們自己。 你們的力量、你們的勇氣、 你們的強悍: 我們能不能重新定義它們的意義, 然後用它們來探索我們的心? 你是否勇敢到 敢於脆弱? 敢在需要協助時向另一個男人求助? 無懼地跳入你的羞恥中? 你是否強壯到可以很敏感, 不管在受傷時 或開心時都敢於哭泣, 即使那讓你看起來軟弱? 你是否自信到 可以傾聽你人生中的女人? 去聽她們的想法和解決方案? 擁抱著她們的痛苦 且真正相信她們, 即使她們說的是反對你的言語? 你是否有男子氣概到 可以在你聽見「更衣室談話」時、 聽到性騷擾故事時, 敢於站出來面對其他男人? 當你聽到你的男性朋友談論 抓女人屁股或灌醉她時, 你是否會站出來做點什麼, 這樣將來我們所居住的世界才不會是 女人得要冒一切風險 並站出來說「我也是」? (「我也是」為譴責性侵、性騷擾的運動)
(Applause)
(掌聲)
This is serious stuff. I've had to take a real, honest look at the ways that I've unconsciously been hurting the women in my life, and it's ugly. My wife told me that I had been acting in a certain way that hurt her and not correcting it. Basically, sometimes when she would go to speak, at home or in public, I would just cut her off mid-sentence and finish her thought for her. It's awful. The worst part was that I was completely unaware when I was doing it. It was unconscious. So here I am doing my part, trying to be a feminist, amplifying the voices of women around the world, and yet at home, I am using my louder voice to silence the woman I love the most. So I had to ask myself a tough question: am I man enough to just shut the hell up and listen?
這是很嚴肅的。 我得要真正很誠實地去看 我以什麼方式在無意識中 傷害了我人生中的女性, 這是很醜陋的。 我妻子告訴我, 我一直用某種方式在傷害她, 且都沒有修正。 基本上,有時當她想要說話, 在家或在公眾場合, 我會打斷她說一半的句子, 然後幫她完成她的想法。 那糟透了。 最差勁的部份是, 我完全不知道我做了這件事。 那是無意識的。 所以,我在這裡扮演我的角色, 試著成為女權主義者, 將全世界女性的聲音放大, 然而,在家時, 我卻用我更大的聲音 來讓我最愛的女人沉默。 所以我得問自己一個艱難的問題: 我是否有男子氣概到 可以閉上嘴然後傾聽?
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
(Applause)
(掌聲)
I've got to be honest. I wish that didn't get an applause.
我得要老實說, 我希望剛剛不會得到掌聲。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Guys, this is real. And I'm just scratching the surface here, because the deeper we go, the uglier it gets, I guarantee you. I don't have time to get into porn and violence against women or the split of domestic duties or the gender pay gap. But I believe that as men, it's time we start to see past our privilege and recognize that we are not just part of the problem. Fellas, we are the problem. The glass ceiling exists because we put it there, and if we want to be a part of the solution, then words are no longer enough.
男人們, 這是真實的。 我只是點到為止, 因為我們越深入, 狀況就會更醜陋,我保證。 我沒有時間進入對 抗女性的色情片和暴力, 或是家事的分擔, 或兩性薪資落差。 但,身為男人我相信, 時候到了,我們該看穿我們的特權, 並承認我們並不只是問題的一部份。 男人們,我們就是問題。 玻璃天花板會存在, 是因為我們把它放在那裡, 如果我們想成為解決方案的一部份, 光會說是不夠的。
There's a quote that I love that I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings. It says that "the world of humanity is possessed of two wings, the male and the female. So long as these two wings are not equivalent in strength, the bird will not fly."
我成長過程中一直 很愛一句巴哈伊引言。 它說:「人類的世界擁有兩隻翅膀, 男性和女性。 只要這兩隻翅膀在力量上不均等, 這隻鳥就飛不起來。」
So women, on behalf of men all over the world who feel similar to me, please forgive us for all the ways that we have not relied on your strength. And now I would like to ask you to formally help us, because we cannot do this alone. We are men. We're going to mess up. We're going to say the wrong thing. We're going to be tone-deaf. We're more than likely, probably, going to offend you. But don't lose hope. We're only here because of you, and like you, as men, we need to stand up and become your allies as you fight against pretty much everything. We need your help in celebrating our vulnerability and being patient with us as we make this very, very long journey from our heads to our hearts. And finally to parents: instead of teaching our children to be brave boys or pretty girls, can we maybe just teach them how to be good humans?
所以,各位女性, 代表全世界和我有相似感受的男人, 請原諒我們, 原諒我們用各種方式 不去仰賴你們的力量。 現在,我想請你們正式協助我們, 因為我們靠自己無法做到。 我們是男人。我們會搞砸。 我們會說錯話。我們是音盲。 我們非常有可能會冒犯你們。 但別失去希望。 因為你們,我們才會在這裡。 就像你們,我們男人也需要 站起來並變成你們的盟友, 和你們一起對抗 幾乎任何事物。 我們需要你們的協助, 來讚頌我們的脆弱, 對我們耐心點, 我們正在進行這趟 非常非常漫長的旅程, 從我們的頭前往我們的心。 最後,給父母們: 不要教導我們的孩子 成為勇敢的男孩或漂亮的女孩, 我們能不能就只要教 他們如何成為好人?
So back to my dad. Growing up, yeah, like every boy, I had my fair share of issues, but now I realize that it was even thanks to his sensitivity and emotional intelligence that I am able to stand here right now talking to you in the first place. The resentment I had for my dad I now realize had nothing to do with him. It had everything to do with me and my longing to be accepted and to play a role that was never meant for me. So while my dad may have not taught me how to use my hands, he did teach me how to use my heart, and to me that makes him more a man than anything.
回到我爸爸的事。 我在成長過程中, 和每個男孩都一樣有很多問題, 但現在我了解到,幸虧有他的敏感 以及情緒智慧, 我現在才能站在這裡和各位說話。 現在,我了解到 我對爸爸的忿怒其實與他無關, 而是完全和我有關。 我渴望被接納, 想扮演一個從來就不適合我的角色。 雖然我爸爸沒有教我 怎麼用我的雙手, 他教我如何用我的心, 對我來說,那就讓他 比任何人都更有男子氣概。
Thank you.
謝謝。
(Applause)
(掌聲)