On September 10, the morning of my seventh birthday, I came downstairs to the kitchen, where my mother was washing the dishes and my father was reading the paper or something, and I sort of presented myself to them in the doorway, and they said, "Hey, happy birthday!" And I said, "I'm seven." And my father smiled and said, "Well, you know what that means, don't you?" And I said, "Yeah, that I'm going to have a party and a cake and get a lot of presents?" And my dad said, "Well, yes. But more importantly, being seven means that you've reached the age of reason, and you're now capable of committing any and all sins against God and man."
9月10日 私が7才になった誕生日の朝 母は台所で食器洗いをして 父は新聞を読んでいたの 私の姿を見て 両親は“お誕生日おめでとう” ”7才になったよ” と私 父がニコッとして言ったの “7才になる意味はわかってるね?” “ケーキを食べたりプレゼントを貰うってこと?” “そうとも言えるけど もっと大事なのは 7才は分別年齢に達したってことさ 神と人に対して罪を犯す可能性があるんだよ”
(Laughter)
(笑)
Now, I had heard this phrase, "age of reason," before. Sister Mary Kevin had been bandying it about my second-grade class at school. But when she said it, the phrase seemed all caught up in the excitement of preparations for our first communion and our first confession, and everybody knew that was really all about the white dress and the white veil. And anyway, I hadn't really paid all that much attention to that phrase, "age of reason." So, I said, "Yeah, yeah, age of reason. What does that mean again?" And my dad said, "Well, we believe, in the Catholic Church, that God knows that little kids don't know the difference between right and wrong, but when you're seven, you're old enough to know better. So, you've grown up and reached the age of reason, and now God will start keeping notes on you, and begin your permanent record."
“分別年齢”って表現はその前から聞いたことはあった 2年生のクラスで シスターが言ってたの でもシスターが言ってたのは 初めての聖餐や懺悔の準備に関わる― 興奮のように聞こえたのよ 白いドレスを着てベールをつけることだって思ってた “分別年齢”という表現は 深く考えたことがなかったから “もう一度おしえて” と言ったの 父が言うには “カトリック教会ではね 小さな子どもは善悪の区別が出来ないと神はわかってるけど 7才だと分別できるようになるんだ もう大きくなったから これからは 神様がお前の永久記録をつけ始めるのさ” (笑)
(Laughter)
“そうなんだ でも待って 今日までずっと良い子にしてたのに
And I said, "Oh ... Wait a minute. You mean all that time, up till today, all that time I was so good, God didn't notice it?" And my mom said, "Well, I noticed it."
神様は気づいてくれなかったの?” “いや 私は気づいてたよ” と母
(Laughter)
(笑)
And I thought, "How could I not have known this before? How could it not have sunk in when they'd been telling me? All that being good and no real credit for it. And worst of all, how could I not have realized this very important information until the very day that it was basically useless to me?" So I said, "Well, Mom and Dad, what about Santa Claus? I mean, Santa Claus knows if you're naughty or nice, right?" And my dad said, "Yeah, but, honey, I think that's technically just between Thanksgiving and Christmas." And my mother said, "Oh, Bob, stop it. Let's just tell her. I mean, she's seven. Julie, there is no Santa Claus."
私は思ったわ “どうして 今まで知らなかったのかしら? 良い子にしてた意味がないじゃない こんなに大事な情報を 意味がなくなる日まで 知らなかったなんて最悪よ “じゃあ サンタさんは 良い子か 悪い子かわかってるんでしょう?” と私 父は “感謝祭と クリスマスの間だけだと思うよ” 母は “お父さん 教えちゃいましょうよ この子は7才よ サンタなんていないの”
(Laughter)
(笑)
Now, this was actually not that upsetting to me. My parents had this whole elaborate story about Santa Claus: how they had talked to Santa Claus himself and agreed that instead of Santa delivering our presents over the night of Christmas Eve, like he did for every other family who got to open their surprises first thing Christmas morning, our family would give Santa more time. Santa would come to our house while we were at nine o'clock high mass on Christmas morning, but only if all of us kids did not make a fuss. Which made me very suspicious. It was pretty obvious that it was really our parents giving us the presents. I mean, my dad had a very distinctive wrapping style, and my mother's handwriting was so close to Santa's.
実はね これにはあまり驚きはしなかった 出来過ぎた話だと思ってたの 普通の家ではクリスマスイブの夜に サンタがプレゼントを届けて 翌朝一番に プレゼントを開けるけど うちは両親が事前にサンタと相談してたから サンタが来る時間が遅いわけ 来る時間は 大ミサが行われるクリスマスの朝9時 でも良い子にしていないと来てくれない とっても怪しいと思ったわ 両親がプレゼントを用意してるのは明らかだった 父の包装の仕方は独特だったし 母とサンタの筆跡はそっくり
(Laughter)
Plus, why would Santa save time by having to loop back to our house after he'd gone to everybody else's? There was only one obvious conclusion to reach from this mountain of evidence: our family was too strange and weird for even Santa Claus to come visit, and my poor parents were trying to protect us from the embarrassment, this humiliation of rejection by Santa, who was jolly -- but let's face it, he was also very judgmental. So to find out that there was no Santa Claus at all was actually sort of a relief.
それに サンタが皆の家を回って わざわざ うちまで戻ってくるなんて変よね たくさんある証拠から導ける確かな結論は1つしかない 我が家はあまりに異色すぎて サンタさえ来ない 両親は陽気なサンタに拒否された恥ずかしさから 私たちを守ろうと頑張っていた でもサンタだって良い子にしかプレゼントをくれない だから サンタが架空だってことは ある意味 安心できたの
I left the kitchen not really in shock about Santa, but rather, I was just dumbfounded about how I could have missed this whole age of reason thing. It was too late for me, but maybe I could help someone else, someone who could use the information. They had to fit two criteria: they had to be old enough to be able to understand the whole concept of the age of reason, and not yet seven. The answer was clear: my brother Bill. He was six. Well, I finally found Bill about a block away from our house at this public school playground. It was a Saturday, and he was all by himself, just kicking a ball against the side of a wall. I ran up to him and said, "Bill! I just realized that the age of reason starts when you turn seven, and then you're capable of committing any and all sins against God and man." And Bill said, "So?" And I said, "So, you're six. You have a whole year to do anything you want to and God won't notice it." And he said, "So?" And I said, "So? So everything!" And I turned to run. I was so angry with him. But when I got to the top of the steps, I turned around dramatically and said, "Oh, by the way, Bill -- there is no Santa Claus."
あまりショックを受けず台所を後にしたんだけど 分別年齢を知らなかったことは 本当に唖然としちゃったわ 私には役に立たないけど この情報が使える― 誰かに教えてあげられる それには基準が2つ 分別年齢の概念を 理解できて 7才未満であること 弟のビルは6才だわ 弟は近所にある学校の遊び場で 遊んでた 土曜日だったの 1人でボール蹴りして遊んでいた弟に 私は走り寄って言ったの “分別年齢は7才からだって 今わかったの 7才になると罪を犯す可能性が出ちゃうのよ” ”だから何?” “7才まであと1年あるじゃない それまで何をしても神様は気づかないのよ” “それで?” と弟 “あんたバカね!” 走って帰ろうと思ったけど 頭に来たから 階段を上った所で 思わせぶりに振り返り “そういえばね サンタなんていないのよ” (笑)
(Laughter)
その当時は知らなかったんだけど
Now, I didn't know it at the time, but I really wasn't turning seven on September 10th. For my 13th birthday, I planned a slumber party with all of my girlfriends, but a couple of weeks beforehand my mother took me aside and said, "I need to speak to you privately. September 10th is not your birthday. It's October 10th." And I said, "What?"
9月10日に7才になったわけじゃなかった 13歳の誕生日に お泊まり会を計画したの でも その数週間前に 母に呼ばれて言われたの “話さなくちゃいけないことがあるの 誕生日は9月10日ではなく10月10日なの” “えっ?”
(Laughter)
(笑)
And she said ...
“幼稚園に入るには9月15日以前に生まれた子どもって言うもんだから”
(Laughter)
"Listen. The cut-off date to start kindergarten was September 15th."
(Laughter)
(笑)
"So I told them that your birthday was September 10th, and then I wasn't sure that you weren't just going to go blab it all over the place, so I started to tell you your birthday was September 10th. But, Julie, you were so ready to start school, honey. You were so ready." I thought about it, and when I was four, I was already the oldest of four children, and my mother even had another child to come, so what I think she -- understandably -- really meant was that she was so ready, she was so ready. Then she said, "Don't worry, Julie. Every year on October 10th, when it was your birthday but you didn't realize it, I made sure that you ate a piece of cake that day."
“だから誕生日は9月10日だって言ったのよ あなたが いろんなところで言いふらしたら困るから 誕生日は9月10日だって言い始めたのよ でもね あなたは準備万端だったのよ” 私は4歳のとき 既に4人兄弟の一番上で 母は5人目を妊娠中だったから 母が意味していたのは 彼女が準備万端だったのよ それで母は言ったの “心配しないで 毎年10月10日の誕生日には 気づかなかったでしょうけど ケーキを食べさせてたのよ”
(Laughter)
(笑)
Which was comforting, but troubling. My mother had been celebrating my birthday with me, without me.
嬉しいのか何なのか 私がその場にいながら 母は私抜きで誕生日を祝ってたの
(Laughter)
これを聞いて動揺したのは
What was so upsetting about this new piece of information was not that I had to change the date of my slumber party with all of my girlfriends. What was most upsetting was that this meant I was not a Virgo. I had a huge Virgo poster in my bedroom. And I read my horoscope every single day, and it was so totally me.
お泊まり会の日を 変更することではなく 実は乙女座じゃなかったってこと 部屋に大きな乙女座のポスターを貼っていて 毎日星占いも読んでたの しかも占いは大当たり
(Laughter)
(笑)
And this meant that I was a Libra? So, I took the bus downtown to get the new Libra poster. The Virgo poster is a picture of a beautiful woman with long hair, sort of lounging by some water, but the Libra poster is just a huge scale. This was around the time that I started filling out physically, and I was filling out a lot more than a lot of the other girls, and frankly, the whole idea that my astrological sign was a scale just seemed ominous and depressing.
私は天秤座だったってこと? だから 私は天秤座のポスターを買いに行ったの 乙女座のポスターは長い髪の美女が 水辺で くつろいでいる絵だけど 天秤座は巨大な天秤だけ 当時 私は成長期で 他の子よりも成長が早かったから 正直 サインが天秤だなんて 不吉で憂鬱にしか感じなかった
(Laughter)
(笑)
But I got the new Libra poster, and I started to read my new Libra horoscope, and I was astonished to find that it was also totally me.
でも新しいポスターを買って 天秤座の星占いを読み始めたら あまりにも私にぴったりだったから驚いたわ
(Laughter)
分別年齢や誕生日の話を
It wasn't until years later, looking back on this whole age-of-reason, change-of-birthday thing, that it dawned on me: I wasn't turning seven when I thought I turned seven. I had a whole other month to do anything I wanted to before God started keeping tabs on me. Oh, life can be so cruel. One day, two Mormon missionaries came to my door. Now, I just live off a main thoroughfare in Los Angeles, and my block is -- well, it's a natural beginning for people who are peddling things door to door. Sometimes I get little old ladies from the Seventh Day Adventist Church showing me these cartoon pictures of heaven. And sometimes I get teenagers who promise me that they won't join a gang and just start robbing people, if I only buy some magazine subscriptions from them. So normally, I just ignore the doorbell, but on this day, I answered. And there stood two boys, each about 19, in white, starched short-sleeved shirts, and they had little name tags that identified them as official representatives of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and they said they had a message for me, from God. I said, "A message for me? From God?" And they said, "Yes." Now, I was raised in the Pacific Northwest, around a lot of Church of Latter-day Saints people and, you know, I've worked with them and even dated them, but I never really knew the doctrine, or what they said to people when they were out on a mission, and I guess I was sort of curious, so I said, "Well, please, come in." And they looked really happy, because I don't think this happens to them all that often.
思い出して 7才になったと思ったときに 実はまだ6才だったと気づいたのは しばらくしてからなの 神様が私の記録を つけ始めるまで 自由な時間が1か月もあったのよ ああ 人生って残酷よね ある日 モルモン宣教師2人組が訪ねて来たの ロスの賑やかな場所に住んでいたから セールスや勧誘の人が 家々を 回り始める場所だったの セブンスデー・アドベンチスト教会の婦人が 天国の絵を持って来たり 雑誌の購読契約をしてくれれば 僕はギャングになったり 強奪はしないよと言う 10代の子が来ることもあった だから普段は居留守を使うんだけど この日は出たの 糊がきいた白の半袖シャツを着た19歳位の 男の子が2人立っていて 末日聖徒イエス・キリスト教会の代表者だと 書いてある小さな名札をつけていた その2人は 神からのお言葉を伝えに来たって言うの “神様から私宛ての伝言?” “そうです” 私は末日聖徒教会の信者がたくさんいる― アメリカの太平洋沿岸で育ったから 仕事も一緒にしたり デートだってしたことがある でも 教義や 布教活動でどんなことを言うのか― 無知だったから 好奇心が出ちゃって “お入りください” と言ったら とても嬉しそうだった 家に上がるなんて稀だと思うの (笑)
(Laughter)
彼らには座ってもらい 水を差しだしたの
And I sat them down, and I got them glasses of water -- Ok, I got it, I got it. I got them glasses of water. Don't touch my hair, that's the thing.
水を差しだした部分からね 髪を触っちゃいけないのよね
(Laughter)
(笑)
You can't put a video of myself in front of me and expect me not to fix my hair. Ok.
自分が映るビデオを目の前にして 髪を触らないなんて無理よ (笑)
(Laughter)
彼らには座ってもらい 水を差しだした
So I sat them down and I got them glasses of water, and after niceties, they said, "Do you believe that God loves you with all his heart?" And I thought, "Well, of course I believe in God, but you know, I don't like that word 'heart,' because it anthropomorphizes God, and I don't like the word, 'his,' either, because that sexualizes God." But I didn't want to argue semantics with these boys, so after a very long, uncomfortable pause, I said, "Yes, yes, I do. I feel very loved." And they looked at each other and smiled, like that was the right answer. And then they said, "Do you believe that we're all brothers and sisters on this planet?" And I said, "Yes, I do." And I was so relieved that it was a question I could answer so quickly. And they said, "Well, then we have a story to tell you."
軽い会話の後 “神が心から愛してくれていると信じますか?” って聞かれたの 私は心の中で “もちろん神様のことは信じているけど 心っていう言葉が引っかかる 神を擬人化しちゃうもの それに神を ‘彼’として扱うのも好きじゃない” でも語意で争いたくなかったから ぎこちなくて長い沈黙の後 “はい 深い愛を感じます” 模範解答だったかのように 彼らは顔を見合わせ にっこりした “人類みな兄弟だと信じますか?” “はい 信じます” 即答できる質問でホッとしたわ “聴かせたいお話があるんです”
And they told me this story all about this guy named Lehi, who lived in Jerusalem in 600 BC. Now, apparently in Jerusalem in 600 BC, everyone was completely bad and evil. Every single one of them: man, woman, child, infant, fetus. And God came to Lehi and said to him, "Put your family on a boat and I will lead you out of here." And God did lead them. He led them to America. I said, "America?
彼らは紀元前600年にエルサレムにいたという― リーハイという男の話を始めたの その当時は男も女も 子どもも 赤ん坊も 胎児も みんな邪悪だったらしく リーハイは “ボートにみんなを乗せれば ここから脱出させてあげよう” という啓示を受け アメリカに移住したって言うの “紀元前600年にボートでエルサレムからアメリカに来たって?”
(Laughter)
From Jerusalem to America by boat in 600 BC?" And they said, "Yes."
“そうです”
(Laughter)
(笑)
Then they told me how Lehi and his descendants reproduced and reproduced, and over the course of 600 years, there were two great races of them, the Nephites and the Lamanites, and the Nephites were totally good -- each and every one of them -- and the Lamanites were totally bad and evil -- every single one of them just bad to the bone.
リーハイとその子孫は 600年の間 子孫を増やして ニーファイ人とレーマン人の2つの人種に大きく分かれた ニーファイ人は誰もが善良で レーマン人は誰もが 骨の髄まで邪悪だったそうな (笑)
Then, after Jesus died on the cross for our sins, on his way up to heaven, he stopped by America and visited the Nephites.
キリストは十字架にかけられた後 天国へ行く途中 アメリカに寄ってニーファイ人を訪ね (笑)
(Laughter)
一人残らずニーファイ人が
And he told them that if they all remained totally, totally good -- each and every one of them -- they would win the war against the evil Lamanites. But apparently somebody blew it, because the Lamanites were able to kill all the Nephites. All but one guy, this guy named Mormon, who managed to survive by hiding in the woods. And he made sure this whole story was written down in reformed Egyptian hieroglyphics chiseled onto gold plates, which he then buried near Palmyra, New York.
善良でいるならば 悪のレーマン人との戦いに勝たせてあげようと言ったんだって でも 誰かが これをぶち壊しちゃった レーマン人がニーファイ人を皆殺しにしたの でも 森に身を潜めて 生き延びた― モルモンって男がいたのよ 彼は事の全てを金版に神官文字で 彫り刻み ニューヨークのパルミラ近くに 埋めたそうなの
(Laughter)
(笑)
Well, I was just on the edge of my seat.
私は身を乗り出しちゃった
(Laughter)
(笑)
I said, "What happened to the Lamanites?" And they said, "Well, they became our Native Americans, here in the U.S." And I said, "So, you believe the Native Americans are descended from a people who were totally evil?" And they said, "Yes." Then they told me how this guy named Joseph Smith found those buried gold plates right in his backyard, and he also found this magic stone back there that he put into his hat and then buried his face into, and this allowed him to translate the gold plates from the reformed Egyptian into English.
“レーマン人はどうなったの?” “彼らはアメリカでネイティブアメリカンとなりました” “邪悪な人たちの子孫がネイティブアメリカンだと 信じてるの?” “そうです” そして ジョセフ・スミスという人が 裏庭から金版と魔法の石を掘り出し それを帽子の中に入れて顔を埋めると 神官文字から英語へと 翻訳できたっていうの この時点で その男の子たちの
Well, at this point I just wanted to give these two boys some advice about their pitch.
売り込み方を指導したくなったわ (笑)
(Laughter)
“その話から切り出しちゃだめよ” ってね
I wanted to say --
(Applause)
"Ok, don't start with this story."
(Laughter)
I mean, even the Scientologists know to start with a personality test before they start --
サイエントロジーだって ジヌーや宇宙の邪悪な帝王の話の前に (拍手)
(Applause)
telling people all about Xenu, the evil intergalactic overlord. Then, they said, "Do you believe that God speaks to us through his righteous prophets?" And I said, "No, I don't," because I was sort of upset about this Lamanite story and this crazy gold plate story, but the truth was, I hadn't really thought this through, so I backpedaled a little and I said, "Well, what exactly do you mean by 'righteous'? And what do you mean by prophets? Like, could the prophets be women?" And they said, "No." And I said, "Why?" And they said, "Well, it's because God gave women a gift that is so spectacular, it is so wonderful, that the only gift he had left over to give men was the gift of prophecy." What is this wonderful gift God gave women, I wondered? Maybe their greater ability to cooperate and adapt?
性格診断から始めるわよね 2人は “義にかなう預言者を通じた― 神との対話を信じますか” “いいえ” レーマン人や金版の話に 納得がいかなかったけど 実はよく考えてなかったから 少し考え直して “義にかなう とか 預言者って どういう意味かしら? 女性でもなれるの?” “いいえ” と言う2人に私は理由を尋ねたの “神は女たちに目覚ましい贈り物をしたので 男たちに残された唯一の贈り物が 預言なのです” 女が貰った贈り物って何だろう? 女性の協調性や適応力?
(Laughter)
男よりも長生きして 男よりも暴力的じゃないこと?
Women's longer lifespan? The fact that women tend to be much less violent than men? But no -- it wasn't any of these gifts. They said, "Well, it's her ability to bear children." I said, "Oh, come on. I mean, even if women tried to have a baby every single year from the time they were 15 to the time they were 45, assuming they didn't die from exhaustion, it still seems like some women would have some time left over to hear the word of God." And they said, "No."
でもそんなことじゃなかったの “子どもを産めることです” って言うの “出産が原因で過労死しないと仮定して 女の人が15歳から45歳まで 毎年子どもを産み続けたとしても まだ神からの言葉を聴ける時間が 残っていそうだけど” “違います”
(Laughter)
(笑)
Well, then they didn't look so fresh-faced and cute to me any more, but they had more to say. They said, "Well, we also believe that if you're a Mormon, and if you're in good standing with the church, when you die, you get to go to heaven and be with your family for all eternity." And I said, "Oh, dear.
彼らがもう初々しく見えなくなっちゃった でも彼らは更に続けて “敬虔なモルモン教徒でいたならば あなたが死を迎えるとき 天国に行って永久に家族と一緒にいられるのです” “あら まあ! (笑)
(Laughter)
私には励みにもならないわね”
That wouldn't be such a good incentive for me."
(笑)
(Laughter)
さらに彼らは “天国では完全な状態の肉体を
And they said, "Oh.
(Laughter)
Hey! Well, we also believe that when you go to heaven, you get your body restored to you in its best original state. Like, if you'd lost a leg, well, you get it back. Or, if you'd gone blind, you could see." I said, "Oh. Now, I don't have a uterus, because I had cancer a few years ago. So does this mean that if I went to heaven, I would get my old uterus back?" And they said, "Sure." And I said, "I don't want it back. I'm happy without it." Gosh. What if you had a nose job and you liked it?
取り戻せると信じています 例えば 足を失った人は 足を取り戻しますし 盲人は視覚を取り戻します” そこで私が “ガンで数年前に子宮を 摘出したけど 子宮も取り戻せるの?” “もちろんです” “いらないわよ 無くて結構” 整形した鼻に満足している場合はどうなの? (笑)
(Laughter)
神は元の鼻をつけろ とでも言うのかしら
Would God force you to get your old nose back? Then they gave me this Book of Mormon, told me to read this chapter and that chapter, and said they'd come back and check in on me, and I think I said something like, "Please don't hurry," or maybe just, "Please don't," and they were gone.
その後モルモン書を渡されて 後日戻って来るから 読んでおくように言われたの “それは結構よ”って― 言ったと思うけど 彼らは帰って行った
Ok, so I initially felt really superior to these boys, and smug in my more conventional faith. But then the more I thought about it, the more I had to be honest with myself. If someone came to my door and I was hearing Catholic theology and dogma for the very first time, and they said, "We believe that God impregnated a very young girl without the use of intercourse, and the fact that she was a virgin is maniacally important to us."
月並みの信念に浸っている自分に 初めは私の方が正しいと思ってたけど 自分の信念も考え直すようになったの もし誰かが訪ねて来て カトリック神学や 教義を初めて聴かされ “神は性交渉なしに若い女の子を 身ごもらせて― その子が処女だって事実が大切なんだけど
(Laughter)
(笑)
"And she had a baby, and that's the son of God," I mean, I would think that's equally ridiculous. I'm just so used to that story.
彼女が神の子を産みました” なんて言われたら 馬鹿げてると思うもの 通説だから何も思わなかったのよ
(Laughter)
(笑)
So, I couldn't let myself feel condescending towards these boys. But the question they asked me when they first arrived really stuck in my head: Did I believe that God loved me with all his heart? Because I wasn't exactly sure how I felt about that question. Now, if they had asked me, "Do you feel that God loves you with all his heart?" Well, that would have been much different, I think I would have instantly answered, "Yes, yes, I feel it all the time. I feel God's love when I'm hurt and confused, and I feel consoled and cared for. I take shelter in God's love when I don't understand why tragedy hits, and I feel God's love when I look with gratitude at all the beauty I see." But since they asked me that question with the word "believe" in it, somehow it was all different, because I wasn't exactly sure if I believed what I so clearly felt.
だから 2人には偉そうな顔ができなかった でも 最初に質問された― 神に心から愛されていると 信じるかという質問だけが頭から離れませんでした なぜなら 自分の真意が曖昧だったからです もし 神があなたを 心から愛しているのを感じますかって聞かれたら 私の答えはずいぶん違って こんな感じで即答したと思います “はい 傷ついたり迷ったりしているときに神様の愛を感じます 癒しと労りを感じます なぜ惨事が起こるのか― 分からない時は神の愛に助けを求め 感謝の念で美を見るときに神の愛を感じます” でも 質問の中で信じるという言葉が使われたから 答えがずいぶんと変わってしまいました 感じると信じるは別物のような感じがしたからです