On September 10, the morning of my seventh birthday, I came downstairs to the kitchen, where my mother was washing the dishes and my father was reading the paper or something, and I sort of presented myself to them in the doorway, and they said, "Hey, happy birthday!" And I said, "I'm seven." And my father smiled and said, "Well, you know what that means, don't you?" And I said, "Yeah, that I'm going to have a party and a cake and get a lot of presents?" And my dad said, "Well, yes. But more importantly, being seven means that you've reached the age of reason, and you're now capable of committing any and all sins against God and man."
10. rujna, na jutro mog sedmog rođendana, spustila sam se u kuhinju, gdje je moja majka prala suđe a moj otac čitao novine ili nešto slično, pojavila sam se na vratima, i oni su rekli, "Hej, sretan rođendan." Ja sam rekla, "Imam sedam godina." Moj otac se smiješio i rekao, "Dakle, znaš što to znači, zar ne?" Rekla sam, "Da, imat ću zabavu i tortu i dobit ću puno poklona?" Moj tata je rekao, "Pa, da No, što je važnije, imati sedam znači da si dostigla dob razuma, i sad si kadra počiniti grijeh protiv Boga i čovjeka."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Now, I had heard this phrase, "age of reason," before. Sister Mary Kevin had been bandying it about my second-grade class at school. But when she said it, the phrase seemed all caught up in the excitement of preparations for our first communion and our first confession, and everybody knew that was really all about the white dress and the white veil. And anyway, I hadn't really paid all that much attention to that phrase, "age of reason." So, I said, "Yeah, yeah, age of reason. What does that mean again?" And my dad said, "Well, we believe, in the Catholic Church, that God knows that little kids don't know the difference between right and wrong, but when you're seven, you're old enough to know better. So, you've grown up and reached the age of reason, and now God will start keeping notes on you, and begin your permanent record."
Čula sam taj izraz, "dob razuma" i prije. Sestra Mary Kevin je raspravljala o tome u drugom razredu osnovne. No kad je to ona rekla izraz se činio povezan s uzbuđenjem oko priprema za našu prvu pričest i prvu ispovijed, i svi su znali da se zapravo radi o bijeloj haljini i bijelom velu, u svakom slučaju, nisam obraćala pažnju na izraz "dob razuma". Rekla sam, "Da, da, dob razuma. Što to, još jednom, znači?" I moj je otac rekao, "Pa, mi u katoličkoj crkvi vjerujemo da Bog zna da mala djeca ne znaju razliku između dobrog i lošeg, no kad ti je sedam, imaš dovoljno godina da budeš pametnija. Znači, narasla si i dostigla dob razuma, i sad će Bog bilježiti sve o tebi i otvoriti ti trajni dosje." (Smijeh)
(Laughter)
I ja sam rekla, "Ah. Samo malo. Znači, sve ovo vrijeme,
And I said, "Oh ... Wait a minute. You mean all that time, up till today, all that time I was so good, God didn't notice it?" And my mom said, "Well, I noticed it."
do danas, sve ovo vrijeme što sam bila dobra, Bog nije primijetio?" Moja mama je rekla, "Pa, ja sam primijetila."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
And I thought, "How could I not have known this before? How could it not have sunk in when they'd been telling me? All that being good and no real credit for it. And worst of all, how could I not have realized this very important information until the very day that it was basically useless to me?" So I said, "Well, Mom and Dad, what about Santa Claus? I mean, Santa Claus knows if you're naughty or nice, right?" And my dad said, "Yeah, but, honey, I think that's technically just between Thanksgiving and Christmas." And my mother said, "Oh, Bob, stop it. Let's just tell her. I mean, she's seven. Julie, there is no Santa Claus."
Pomislila sam, "Kako za to nisam prije znala? Kako to nisam zapamtila kad su mi govorili? Bez zasluga za dobro ponašanje. I, što je najgore, kako nisam shvaćala tu jako važnu informaciju sve do dana kad mi je postala beskorisna?" Zatim sam rekla, "Pa, Mama i Tata, što je s Djedom Mrazom? Djed Mraz zna kad je netko dobar ili zločest, istina?" I moj tata je rekao, "Da, ali, dušo, mislim da je to tehnički samo između Dana zahvalnosti i Božića." I moja majka je rekla, "Ah, Bobe, prestani. Recimo joj. Mislim, ima sedam. Julie, Djed Mraz ne postoji."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Now, this was actually not that upsetting to me. My parents had this whole elaborate story about Santa Claus: how they had talked to Santa Claus himself and agreed that instead of Santa delivering our presents over the night of Christmas Eve, like he did for every other family who got to open their surprises first thing Christmas morning, our family would give Santa more time. Santa would come to our house while we were at nine o'clock high mass on Christmas morning, but only if all of us kids did not make a fuss. Which made me very suspicious. It was pretty obvious that it was really our parents giving us the presents. I mean, my dad had a very distinctive wrapping style, and my mother's handwriting was so close to Santa's.
Sad, to me nije toliko uzrujalo. Moji roditelji su imali razrađenu priču o Djedu Mrazu: kako su osobno razgovarali s Djedom i složili se da, umjesto da nam Djed donosi poklone uoči Božića, kao što je donosio svakoj drugoj obitelji, koje su ih otvarale odmah na božićno jutro, naša obitelj bi davala Djedu više vremena. Djed bi dolazio u našu kuću kad bi bili na poldanici za božićno jutro, ali samo ako mi djeca ne bi galamila. Zbog čega sam postala jako sumnjičava. Bilo je očito da nam zapravo roditelju daju poklone. Mislim, moj tata je zamatao na poseban način, i majčin rukopis je jako nalikovao na Djedov.
(Laughter)
Plus, why would Santa save time by having to loop back to our house after he'd gone to everybody else's? There was only one obvious conclusion to reach from this mountain of evidence: our family was too strange and weird for even Santa Claus to come visit, and my poor parents were trying to protect us from the embarrassment, this humiliation of rejection by Santa, who was jolly -- but let's face it, he was also very judgmental. So to find out that there was no Santa Claus at all was actually sort of a relief.
Plus, zašto bi Djed štedio vrijeme na povratku u našu kuću nakon što je obišao sve druge? Postoji samo jedan očit zaključak iz te hrpe dokaza: naša obitelj je bila previše neobična i čudna čak i za Djeda Mraza, i moji siroti roditelji su nas pokušavali zaštititi od srama, poniženja zbog odbacivanja Djeda, koji je bio veseo. No, priznajmo, bio je također vrlo kritičan. Dakle, otkriti da Djed Mraz uopće ne postoji bilo je zapravo olakšanje.
I left the kitchen not really in shock about Santa, but rather, I was just dumbfounded about how I could have missed this whole age of reason thing. It was too late for me, but maybe I could help someone else, someone who could use the information. They had to fit two criteria: they had to be old enough to be able to understand the whole concept of the age of reason, and not yet seven. The answer was clear: my brother Bill. He was six. Well, I finally found Bill about a block away from our house at this public school playground. It was a Saturday, and he was all by himself, just kicking a ball against the side of a wall. I ran up to him and said, "Bill! I just realized that the age of reason starts when you turn seven, and then you're capable of committing any and all sins against God and man." And Bill said, "So?" And I said, "So, you're six. You have a whole year to do anything you want to and God won't notice it." And he said, "So?" And I said, "So? So everything!" And I turned to run. I was so angry with him. But when I got to the top of the steps, I turned around dramatically and said, "Oh, by the way, Bill -- there is no Santa Claus."
Otišla sam iz kuhinje zapravo ne u šoku zbog Djeda, no više sam bila samo iznenađena zbog toga kako sam mogla propustiti tu dob razuma. Bilo je prekasno za mene, no možda sam mogla pomoći nekome drugome, nekome tko je mogao upotrijebiti tu informaciju. Morao je ispunjavati dva kriterija: morao je biti dovoljno star da razumije cijeli koncept doba razuma, i još ne imati sedam. Odgovor je bio jasan: moj brat Bill. Imao je šest. Napokon sam pronašla Billa blok dalje od naše kuće na školskom igralištu. Bila je subota, i bio je sam, udarao je loptu o zid. Otrčala sam do njega i rekla, "Bille! Upravo sam shvatila da dob razuma počinje kad navršiš sedam, i onda si kadar počiniti grijehe protiv Boga i čovjeka." I Bill je rekao, "Pa?" I tad sam rekla, "Pa, imaš šest. Imaš još cijelu godinu da radiš što želiš i Bog neće primijetiti." Rekao je, "Pa?" I ja sam rekla, "Pa? Pa sve!" Okrenula sam se i potrčala. Bila sam tako ljuta na njega. Ali kad sam došla na vrh stuba, okrenula sam se dramatično i rekla, "Ah, usput, Bille, Djed Mraz ne postoji." (Smijeh)
(Laughter)
U to vrijeme nisam znala,
Now, I didn't know it at the time, but I really wasn't turning seven on September 10th. For my 13th birthday, I planned a slumber party with all of my girlfriends, but a couple of weeks beforehand my mother took me aside and said, "I need to speak to you privately. September 10th is not your birthday. It's October 10th." And I said, "What?"
no zapravo nisam imala rođendan 10-og rujna. Za svoj 13. rođendan, planirala sam zabavu u pidžamama sa svim svojim prijateljicama, no par tjedana ranije moja me majka odvela u stranu i rekla, "Moram razgovarati s tobom u četiri oka. Tvoj rođendan nije 10-og rujna, nego 10-og listopada." I ja sam rekla, "Što?"
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
And she said ...
I ona je rekla, "Slušaj. U vrtić su primali samo one koji su do 15-og rujna dostigli potreban uzrast."
(Laughter)
"Listen. The cut-off date to start kindergarten was September 15th."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
"So I told them that your birthday was September 10th, and then I wasn't sure that you weren't just going to go blab it all over the place, so I started to tell you your birthday was September 10th. But, Julie, you were so ready to start school, honey. You were so ready." I thought about it, and when I was four, I was already the oldest of four children, and my mother even had another child to come, so what I think she -- understandably -- really meant was that she was so ready, she was so ready. Then she said, "Don't worry, Julie. Every year on October 10th, when it was your birthday but you didn't realize it, I made sure that you ate a piece of cake that day."
"Dakle, rekla sam im da ti je rođendan 10. rujna, i nisam bila sigurna da li ćeš to svima izbrbljati, pa sam ti počela govoriti da ti je rođendan 10-og rujna. No, Julie, bila si spremna da kreneš u školu, dušo. Bila si tako spremna." Razmislila sam o tome, i kad sam imala četiri, bila sam najstarije od četvero djece, i moja majka je već čekala drugo dijete, pa mislim da je očito jasno mislila da je ona bila tako spremna, bila je tako spremna. Zatim je rekla, "Ne brini, Julie, svake godine 10. listopada kad je bio tvoj rođendan no ti nisi znala, potrudila sam se da jedeš tortu taj dan."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Which was comforting, but troubling. My mother had been celebrating my birthday with me, without me.
Što je bilo utješno, no uznemiravajuće. Moja majka je slavila moj rođendan sa mnom, ali bez mene.
(Laughter)
Ono što me ljutilo u vezi s tom novom informacijom
What was so upsetting about this new piece of information was not that I had to change the date of my slumber party with all of my girlfriends. What was most upsetting was that this meant I was not a Virgo. I had a huge Virgo poster in my bedroom. And I read my horoscope every single day, and it was so totally me.
nije bilo što ću morati mijenjati datum svoje zabave sa svim svojim prijateljicama, ljutilo me što to znači da nisam Djevica po horoskopu. Imala sam velik poster Djevice u svojoj sobi, i čitala sam horoskop svaki dan, i sve je o meni bilo točno.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
And this meant that I was a Libra? So, I took the bus downtown to get the new Libra poster. The Virgo poster is a picture of a beautiful woman with long hair, sort of lounging by some water, but the Libra poster is just a huge scale. This was around the time that I started filling out physically, and I was filling out a lot more than a lot of the other girls, and frankly, the whole idea that my astrological sign was a scale just seemed ominous and depressing.
I to je značilo da sam Vaga? Dakle, otišla sam busom u centar po novi poster Vage. Poster Djevice je bila slika prekrasne žene s dugom kosom, koja kao da je lješkarila kraj neke vode, no poster Vage je samo velika sprava. To je bilo u vrijeme kad sam počela fizički sazrijevati, i sazrijevala sam brže od većine ostalih djevojaka, i, iskreno, cijela se ideja da je moj horoskopski znak sprava činila zloslutno i depresivno.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
But I got the new Libra poster, and I started to read my new Libra horoscope, and I was astonished to find that it was also totally me.
No kupila sam novi poster, i počela sam čitati novi horoskop, i bila sam iznenađena kad sam otkrila da je sve o meni također bilo točno.
(Laughter)
Tek godinama kasnije, prisjećajući se
It wasn't until years later, looking back on this whole age-of-reason, change-of-birthday thing, that it dawned on me: I wasn't turning seven when I thought I turned seven. I had a whole other month to do anything I wanted to before God started keeping tabs on me. Oh, life can be so cruel. One day, two Mormon missionaries came to my door. Now, I just live off a main thoroughfare in Los Angeles, and my block is -- well, it's a natural beginning for people who are peddling things door to door. Sometimes I get little old ladies from the Seventh Day Adventist Church showing me these cartoon pictures of heaven. And sometimes I get teenagers who promise me that they won't join a gang and just start robbing people, if I only buy some magazine subscriptions from them. So normally, I just ignore the doorbell, but on this day, I answered. And there stood two boys, each about 19, in white, starched short-sleeved shirts, and they had little name tags that identified them as official representatives of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and they said they had a message for me, from God. I said, "A message for me? From God?" And they said, "Yes." Now, I was raised in the Pacific Northwest, around a lot of Church of Latter-day Saints people and, you know, I've worked with them and even dated them, but I never really knew the doctrine, or what they said to people when they were out on a mission, and I guess I was sort of curious, so I said, "Well, please, come in." And they looked really happy, because I don't think this happens to them all that often.
tog doba razuma/promjene rođendana, shvatila sam da nisam navršila sedam kad sam mislila da jesam. Imala sam cijeli drugi mjesec da radim što želim prije no što me Bog počeo nadzirati. Ah, život može biti tako okrutan. Jednog dana, dva mormonska misionara došla su na moja vrata. Živim nedaleko od glavne prometnice u Los Angelesu, i moj je blok -- pa, prirodni početak ljudima koji torbare od kuće do kuće. Ponekad dolaze stare gospođe iz Kršćanske adventističke crkve koje mi pokazuju sličice raja. Ponekad dolaze tinejdžeri koji obećavaju da se neće pridružiti bandi i početi pljačkati ljude kad bi se samo pretplatila na neke časopise preko njih. Dakle, inače ignoriram zvono, no taj sam dan odgovorila. I tamo su stajala dva dječaka, od oko 19 godina, u bijelim uškrobljenim košuljama kratkih rukava, imali su male oznake s imenima koje su ih identificirale kao službene predstavnike Crkve Isusa Krista svetaca posljednjih dana, i koji su rekli da imaju poruku za mene od Boga. Rekla sam, "Poruka za mene? Od Boga?" Odgovorili su, "Da." Sad, odrasla sam na Pacifičkom sjeverozapadu, nedaleko od ljudi Crkve Isusa Krista svetaca i, znate, radila sam s njima i čak izlazila, ali nikad nisam znala njihovo učenje ili što su govorili ljudima kad su bili na misiji, i pretpostavljam da sam bila nekako znatiželjna pa sam rekla, "Dobro, molim, uđite." I izgledali su stvarno sretno, zato što ne mislim da im se to događa tako često. (Smijeh)
(Laughter)
Posjela sam ih, donijela čaše vode --
And I sat them down, and I got them glasses of water -- Ok, I got it, I got it. I got them glasses of water. Don't touch my hair, that's the thing.
OK, shvaćam. Donijela sam im čaše vode. Ne dirajte mi kosu, u tome je stvar.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
You can't put a video of myself in front of me and expect me not to fix my hair. Ok.
Ne možete staviti ekran ispred mene i očekivati da ne popravljam kosu. (Smijeh)
(Laughter)
OK. Posjela sam ih i donijela čaše vode,
So I sat them down and I got them glasses of water, and after niceties, they said, "Do you believe that God loves you with all his heart?" And I thought, "Well, of course I believe in God, but you know, I don't like that word 'heart,' because it anthropomorphizes God, and I don't like the word, 'his,' either, because that sexualizes God." But I didn't want to argue semantics with these boys, so after a very long, uncomfortable pause, I said, "Yes, yes, I do. I feel very loved." And they looked at each other and smiled, like that was the right answer. And then they said, "Do you believe that we're all brothers and sisters on this planet?" And I said, "Yes, I do." And I was so relieved that it was a question I could answer so quickly. And they said, "Well, then we have a story to tell you."
i nakon izmijenjenih ljubaznosti su rekli, "Da li vjerujete da vas Bog voli svim svojim srcem?" I pomislila sam, "Pa, naravno da vjerujem u Boga, no, znate, ne volim tu riječ, srce, zato što humanizira Boga, i ne volim riječ, svojim, također, jer mu pripisuje spol." No nisam htjela raspravljati o semantici s njima, pa sam nakon jako duge, neugodne pauze, rekla "Da, da, vjerujem. Osjećam da sam jako voljena." I pogledali su se i nasmiješili, kao da je to ispravan odgovor. I onda su rekli, "Da li vjerujete da smo svi braća i sestre na ovom planetu?" Rekla sam, "Da, da, vjerujem." I osjetila sam takvo olakšanje zato što je to bilo pitanje na koje sam mogla tako brzo odgovoriti. Rekli su, "Pa, imamo za vas priču."
And they told me this story all about this guy named Lehi, who lived in Jerusalem in 600 BC. Now, apparently in Jerusalem in 600 BC, everyone was completely bad and evil. Every single one of them: man, woman, child, infant, fetus. And God came to Lehi and said to him, "Put your family on a boat and I will lead you out of here." And God did lead them. He led them to America. I said, "America?
I ispričali su mi o tom čovjeku po imenu Lehi, koji je živio u Jeruzalemu 600.g. pr. Kr.. Sad, izgleda da su u Jeruzalemu 600.g. pr. Kr. svi bili u potpunosti pokvareni i zli. Svi do jednog: muškarac, žena, dijete, novorođenče, fetus. Bog je došao Lehiju i rekao mu, "Ukrcaj svoju obitelj u čamac i izvest ću te odavde." I Bog ga je doista izveo. Odveo ga je u Ameriku. Rekla sam, "U Ameriku? Iz Jeruzalema u Ameriku u čamcu 600.g. pr. Kr.?"
(Laughter)
From Jerusalem to America by boat in 600 BC?" And they said, "Yes."
Rekli su, "Da."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Then they told me how Lehi and his descendants reproduced and reproduced, and over the course of 600 years, there were two great races of them, the Nephites and the Lamanites, and the Nephites were totally good -- each and every one of them -- and the Lamanites were totally bad and evil -- every single one of them just bad to the bone.
Onda su mi rekli kako su se Lehi i njegovi potomci množili i množili, i za 600 godina nastala su dva velika plemena, Nefiti i Lamaniti, i Nefiti su bili posve, posve dobri -- svi do jednog -- a Lamaniti su bili posve loši i zli -- svi do jednog i jednostavno pokvareni do srži. (Smijeh)
Then, after Jesus died on the cross for our sins, on his way up to heaven, he stopped by America and visited the Nephites.
Tada, nakon što je Isus umro na križu za naše grijehe, na putu do neba zaustavio se u Americi i posjetio Nefite. (Smijeh)
(Laughter)
Rekao im je da, ako svi ostanu posve, posve dobri --
And he told them that if they all remained totally, totally good -- each and every one of them -- they would win the war against the evil Lamanites. But apparently somebody blew it, because the Lamanites were able to kill all the Nephites. All but one guy, this guy named Mormon, who managed to survive by hiding in the woods. And he made sure this whole story was written down in reformed Egyptian hieroglyphics chiseled onto gold plates, which he then buried near Palmyra, New York.
svi do jednog -- pobijedit će u ratu protiv zlih Lamanita. No izgleda da se netko izbrbljao zato što su Lamaniti smogli ubiti sve Nefite. Ali jedan je čovjek po imenu Mormon, uspio preživjeti skrivajući se u šumi. I on se pobrinuo da se cijela priča zapiše reformiranim egipatskim hijeroglifima uklesanima u zlatne ploče, koje je zatim zakopao blizu Palmyre u saveznoj državi New York.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Well, I was just on the edge of my seat.
Pa, jednostavno sam umirala od znatiželje.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
I said, "What happened to the Lamanites?" And they said, "Well, they became our Native Americans, here in the U.S." And I said, "So, you believe the Native Americans are descended from a people who were totally evil?" And they said, "Yes." Then they told me how this guy named Joseph Smith found those buried gold plates right in his backyard, and he also found this magic stone back there that he put into his hat and then buried his face into, and this allowed him to translate the gold plates from the reformed Egyptian into English.
Rekla sam, "Što se dogodilo Lamanitima?" Rekli su, "Pa, postali su Indijanci ovdje u SAD-u." I ja sam rekla, "Dakle, vi vjerujete da su Indijanci potomci ljudi koji su bili posve zli?" Rekli su, "Da." Zatim su mi rekli kako je taj čovjek po imenu Joseph Smith pronašao te zakopane zlatne ploče u svojem dvorištu, i također je tamo pronašao čaroban kamen koji je stavio u svoj šešir i zatim zakopao unutra svoje lice, što mu je omogućilo da prevede zlatne ploče s reformiranog egipćanskog na engleski. U tom trenutku samo sam im htjela dati
Well, at this point I just wanted to give these two boys some advice about their pitch.
savjet o njihovoj prezentaciji. (Smijeh)
(Laughter)
Htjela sam reći, "OK, nemojte početi s tom pričom."
I wanted to say --
(Applause)
"Ok, don't start with this story."
(Laughter)
I mean, even the Scientologists know to start with a personality test before they start --
Mislim, čak i scijentolozi znaju početi s testom osobnosti prije nego što krenu -- (Pljesak)
(Applause)
telling people all about Xenu, the evil intergalactic overlord. Then, they said, "Do you believe that God speaks to us through his righteous prophets?" And I said, "No, I don't," because I was sort of upset about this Lamanite story and this crazy gold plate story, but the truth was, I hadn't really thought this through, so I backpedaled a little and I said, "Well, what exactly do you mean by 'righteous'? And what do you mean by prophets? Like, could the prophets be women?" And they said, "No." And I said, "Why?" And they said, "Well, it's because God gave women a gift that is so spectacular, it is so wonderful, that the only gift he had left over to give men was the gift of prophecy." What is this wonderful gift God gave women, I wondered? Maybe their greater ability to cooperate and adapt?
-- govoriti ljudima sve o Xenuu, zlom intergalaktičkom vladaru. Onda su rekli, "Vjerujete li da nam Bog govori kroz svoje pravedne proroke?" I ja sam rekla, "Ne, ne vjerujem." Zato što sam na neki način bila uzrujana zbog priče o Lamanitima i te lude priče o zlatnoj ploči, no istina je, da ustvari nisam o tome razmislila, pa sam se malo povukla i rekla, "Na što točno mislite kad kažete pravedan? I kad kažete proroke? Mogu li prorocima biti žene?" Rekli su, "Ne." A ja sam rekla, "Zašto?" Rekli su, "Pa, zato što je Bog dao ženama tako spektakularan dar, tako divan, da je jedini dar koji mu je preostao za muškarce bio dar proročanstva." Koji je to divan dar Bog dao ženama, pitala sam se? Možda je to njihova veća sposobnost suradnje i prilagodbe?
(Laughter)
Duži životni vijek? Činjenica da žene
Women's longer lifespan? The fact that women tend to be much less violent than men? But no -- it wasn't any of these gifts. They said, "Well, it's her ability to bear children." I said, "Oh, come on. I mean, even if women tried to have a baby every single year from the time they were 15 to the time they were 45, assuming they didn't die from exhaustion, it still seems like some women would have some time left over to hear the word of God." And they said, "No."
manje naginju nasilju od muškaraca? Ali ne, nije bio nijedan od tih darova. Rekli su, "Pa, to je njihova sposobnost da rađaju." Rekla sam, "Ma, dajte. Mislim, čak i kad bi žene pokušale imati dijete svaku godinu od svoje 15-te do 45-te godine života, uz pretpostavku da ne umru od iscrpljenosti, ipak izgleda da bi nekim ženama preostalo vremena da čuju riječ Božju." Rekli su, "Ne."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Well, then they didn't look so fresh-faced and cute to me any more, but they had more to say. They said, "Well, we also believe that if you're a Mormon, and if you're in good standing with the church, when you die, you get to go to heaven and be with your family for all eternity." And I said, "Oh, dear.
Pa, tad mi više nisu izgledali tako svježe i milo, no imali su još nešto za reći. Rekli su, "Pa, mi također vjerujemo da ako si Mormon i ako si u dobrim odnosima s crkvom, kad umreš možeš ići u raj i biti zauvijek sa svojom obitelji." Rekla sam, "O, bože -- (Smijeh)
(Laughter)
-- to ne bi bio tako dobar motiv za mene."
That wouldn't be such a good incentive for me."
(Smijeh)
(Laughter)
Rekli su, "O -- hej, pa, mi također vjerujemo
And they said, "Oh.
(Laughter)
Hey! Well, we also believe that when you go to heaven, you get your body restored to you in its best original state. Like, if you'd lost a leg, well, you get it back. Or, if you'd gone blind, you could see." I said, "Oh. Now, I don't have a uterus, because I had cancer a few years ago. So does this mean that if I went to heaven, I would get my old uterus back?" And they said, "Sure." And I said, "I don't want it back. I'm happy without it." Gosh. What if you had a nose job and you liked it?
da, kad odeš u raj, dobiješ svoje tijelo vraćeno u svoje najbolje originalno stanje. Npr., ako izgubiš nogu, pa, dobiješ ju nazad. Ili, ako si bio slijep, progledaš." Rekla sam, "O -- sad, nemam maternicu jer sam imala rak prije nekoliko godina. Dakle, da li to znači da bi u raju dobila svoju maternicu nazad?" Rekli su, "Naravno." Rekla sam, "Ne želim ju. Sretna sam bez nje." Bože. Što ako ste imali korekciju nosa i svidjelo vam se? (Smijeh)
(Laughter)
Da li bi te Bog prisilio da uzmeš stari nos?
Would God force you to get your old nose back? Then they gave me this Book of Mormon, told me to read this chapter and that chapter, and said they'd come back and check in on me, and I think I said something like, "Please don't hurry," or maybe just, "Please don't," and they were gone.
Zatim su mi dali tu Mormonovu knjigu i rekli mi da pročitam i ovo i ono poglavlje, i rekli su da će se jednom vratiti i provjeriti kako mi ide, mislim da sam rekla nešto kao, "Molim vas da se ne žurite," ili možda samo, "Molim, nemojte", te su otišli.
Ok, so I initially felt really superior to these boys, and smug in my more conventional faith. But then the more I thought about it, the more I had to be honest with myself. If someone came to my door and I was hearing Catholic theology and dogma for the very first time, and they said, "We believe that God impregnated a very young girl without the use of intercourse, and the fact that she was a virgin is maniacally important to us."
OK, u početku sam se osjećala superiorno nad tim dječacima, i samodopadno u svojoj tradicionalnijoj vjeri. No zatim, što sam više razmišljala o tome, tim više sam morala biti iskrena sa sobom. Da netko dođe na moja vrata i slušam katoličku teologiju i dogmu prvi put u životu, i da kažu, "Mi vjerujemo da je Bog impregnirao vrlo mladu djevojku bez spolnog odnosa, i činjenica da je bila djevica luđački nam je važna --
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
"And she had a baby, and that's the son of God," I mean, I would think that's equally ridiculous. I'm just so used to that story.
-- i rodila je dijete, i to je sin Boga," mislila bi da je to jednako apsurdno. Jednostavno sam se toliko navikla na tu priču.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
So, I couldn't let myself feel condescending towards these boys. But the question they asked me when they first arrived really stuck in my head: Did I believe that God loved me with all his heart? Because I wasn't exactly sure how I felt about that question. Now, if they had asked me, "Do you feel that God loves you with all his heart?" Well, that would have been much different, I think I would have instantly answered, "Yes, yes, I feel it all the time. I feel God's love when I'm hurt and confused, and I feel consoled and cared for. I take shelter in God's love when I don't understand why tragedy hits, and I feel God's love when I look with gratitude at all the beauty I see." But since they asked me that question with the word "believe" in it, somehow it was all different, because I wasn't exactly sure if I believed what I so clearly felt.
Nisam si mogla dopustiti da se ponašam snishodljivo prema tim dječacima. No pitanje koje su mi postavili kad su došli stvarno mi nije išlo iz glave. Da li sam ja vjerovala da me Bog volio svim srcem? Zato što nisam bila sasvim sigurna što osjećam po tom pitanju. Sad, da su me pitali, Da li osjećaš da te Bog voli svim svojim srcem? To je moglo biti puno drugačije, mislim da bi odmah odgovorila, "Da, da, osjećam to cijelo vrijeme. Osjećam Božju ljubav kad sam povrijeđena i zbunjena, i osjećam da sam utješena i zbrinuta. Nalazim utočište u Božjoj ljubavi kad ne razumijem zašto se događa tragedija i osjećam Božju ljubav kad sa zahvalnošću gledam svu ljepotu naokolo." No otkad su mi postavili to pitanje s riječi "vjerujem" u njemu, nekako je sve bilo drugačije, zato što nisam bila sasvim sigurna vjerujem li u ono što sam tako jasno osjećala.