I have a daughter, Mulan. And when she was eight, last year, she was doing a report for school or she had some homework about frogs. And we were at this restaurant, and she said, "So, basically, frogs lay eggs and the eggs turn into tadpoles, and tadpoles turn into frogs."
我的女儿叫木兰。 去年她刚好八岁, 学校要她做个报告, 要么就是她得做些和青蛙有关的家庭作业。 当时我们在餐馆, 她说,”那么,基本上, 青蛙产卵, 卵变成蝌蚪, 然后蝌蚪变成青蛙。”
And I said, "Yeah. You know, I'm not really up on my frog reproduction that much. It's the females, I think, that lay the eggs, and then the males fertilize them. And then they become tadpoles and frogs."
我回答,“大概吧,我对青蛙繁殖不是很熟悉, 我想,应该是雌青蛙产卵, 雄青蛙使他们受精, 然后就变成了蝌蚪和青蛙。”
And she says, "What? Only the females have eggs?"
女儿说,”什么?只有雌青蛙产卵?“
And I said, "Yeah."
我说,”是的。“
And she goes, "And what's this fertilizing?"
她问,”那么什么是受精?“
So I kind of said, "Oh, it's this extra ingredient, you know, that you need to create a new frog from the mom and dad frog." (Laughter)
我就回答,”噢,是额外的一种成分... 你知道,需要这种额外的成分 来使得青蛙爸爸和青蛙妈妈 得到一只青蛙宝宝。”
And she said, "Oh, so is that true for humans too?"
她又问,“哦,人类也是这样吗?”
And I thought, "Okay, here we go." I didn't know it would happen so quick, at eight. I was trying to remember all the guidebooks, and all I could remember was, "Only answer the question they're asking. Don't give any more information." (Laughter) So I said, "Yes."
我心想,“这下好了,该来的还是要来。” 我没有想到这事来得这么快,她才八岁。 我努力回想所有给家长的指导丛书, 唯一能想起就是, “只回答孩子们问的问题, 不要提供任何额外的信息。“ 于是我说,”是。“
And she said, "And where do, um, where do human women, like, where do women lay their eggs?"
她又问:“ 在哪里, 人类妇女 在哪里产卵呢?
And I said, "Well, funny you should ask. (Laughter) We have evolved to have our own pond. We have our very own pond inside our bodies. And we lay our eggs there, we don't have to worry about other eggs or anything like that. It's our own pond. And that's how it happens."
我回答,“嗯, 好问题, 我们已经进化到了有自己的池塘, 我们的身体里有属于自己的池塘。 就在体内的池塘里产卵。 我们也不用担心会和别人的卵搞混, 因为那是我们自己的池子。就是这么回事。“
And she goes, "Then how do they get fertilized?"
她又问,”那么这些卵怎么受精呢?“
And I said, "Well, Men, through their penis, they fertilize the eggs by the sperm coming out. And you go through the woman's vagina."
我回答,”嗯, 通过男人的阴茎, 他们的精子使卵子受精。 这要经过女人的阴道。“
And so we're just eating, and her jaw just drops, and she goes, "Mom! Like, where you go to the bathroom?"
当时我们正在吃饭,她惊讶得把嘴张得老大,下巴恨不得掉下来, 喊道,”妈妈! 就是我们上厕所时用的的地方?”
And I said, "I know. I know." (Laughter) That's how we evolved. It does seem odd. It is a little bit like having a waste treatment plant right next to an amusement park ... Bad zoning, but ..." (Laughter)
我说,“可不是~~ 可不是~~ (笑声) 但这就是我们的进化,是有点奇怪, 就好像把一个废弃物处理站 建得紧靠游乐场一样, 规划不当。但是……
She's like, "What?" And she goes, "But Mom, but men and women can't ever see each other naked, Mom. So how could that ever happen?"
她又惊呼“什么?但是妈妈 男人和女人不能看见彼此光着身子的样子啊妈妈。 那么这怎么可能发生呢?”
And then I go, "Well," and then I put my Margaret Mead hat on. "Human males and females develop a special bond, and when they're much older, much, much older than you, and they have a very special feeling, then they can be naked together."
这时我摆出一副人类学家的模样开始步道: "男人和女人呢, 会发展出一种特别的关系, 当他们长大时,比你可要大得多的多, 他们之间会产生一种特别的情感, 到那时他们就可以赤裸相见。“
And she said, "Mom, have you done this before?"
她问,“妈妈, 你以前也做过那些?”
And I said, "Yes."
我回答,“是的。”
And she said, "But Mom, you can't have kids." Because she knows that I adopted her and that I can't have kids.
她又说,“但是妈妈,你不能生小孩啊。” 因为她知道她是我领养的小孩因为我不能生育。
And I said, "Yes."
我回答,“是的。”
And she said, "Well, you don't have to do that again."
她松了口气,“谢天谢地你不用再做那些了。”
And I said, "..."
我无语。
And then she said, "But how does it happen when a man and woman are together? Like, how do they know that's the time? Mom, does the man just say, 'Is now the time to take off my pants?'"
过了一会儿她又问了,“但是当一个男人和一个女人在一起时那些事情会怎样发生呢? 就好比,他们怎么知道是时候了呢? 妈妈,难道男人就直接问, 现在是时候脱裤子了吗?"
(Laughter)
(大笑)
And I said, "Yes." (Laughter) "That is exactly right. That's exactly how it happens."
我说,“没错。 (狂笑) 完全正确 就是这么说的。”
So we're driving home and she's looking out the window, and she goes, "Mom. What if two just people saw each other on the street, like a man and a woman, they just started doing it. Would that ever happen?"
后来我们开车回家,她看着窗外,问道, “妈妈,如果两个人在街上遇到, 一个男的一个女的,然后他们就突然开始做那事了,会不会这样啊?”
And I said, "Oh, no. Humans are so private. Oh ..."
我说,“噢,不,人类是很注重隐私的。 哦,不会的。“
And then she goes, "What if there was like a party, and there was just like a whole bunch of girls and a whole bunch of boys, and there was a bunch of men and women and they just started doing it, Mom? Would that ever happen?"
她又说,”如果有个聚会, 有一群男人和一群女人。 然后他们就突然开始做那事了。妈妈, 这会不会发生啊?“
And I said, "Oh, no, no. That's not how we do it."
我回答,”噢,不,不, 我们不会这样做的。”
Then we got home and we see the cat. And she goes, "Mom, how do cats do it?"
随后我们到家,看见只猫,她又问道, “妈妈,猫咪们是怎么做的呢?”
And I go, "Oh, it's the same. It's basically the same."
我回答,“是一样的,基本上一样。”
And then she got all caught up in the legs. "But how would the legs go, Mom? I don't understand the legs." She goes, "Mom, everyone can't do the splits."
她立刻纠缠在腿的问题上,“但是,腿要怎么放呢?妈妈 我不知道腿要怎么办。“ 她说,”妈妈,又不是每个人都会劈叉。“
And I go, "I know, but the legs ..." and I'm probably like, "The legs get worked out."
我说,”我知道,但这腿……” 腿的问题自己会解决啦。”
And she goes, "But I just can't understand it."
她纠缠不放,“但是我想不通。”
So I go, "You know, why don't we go on the Internet, and maybe we can see ... like on Wikipedia." (Laughter)
没办法,我只好说,“要不我们上网吧, 也许可以看到。”我当时猜测维基百科之类。
So we go online, and we put in "cats mating." And, unfortunately, on YouTube, there's many cats mating videos. And we watched them and I'm so thankful, because she's just like, "Wow! This is so amazing." She goes, "What about dogs?" So we put in dogs mating, and, you know, we're watching it, and she's totally absorbed.
于是我们上网,搜索猫的交配。 不幸的是,在YouTube上,有无数猫的交配视频。 我们看了,非常谢天谢地的, 她只是一直感叹,“哇,多么神奇啊!” 她又继续,“那么狗狗呢?” 我们接着搜索狗的交配, 你知道,又看了那些视频,她完全沉浸其中。
And then she goes, "Mom, do you think they would have, on the Internet, any humans mating?" (Laughter) And then I realized that I had taken my little eight year old's hand, and taken her right into Internet porn. (Laughter)
她再次发问,“妈妈, 你说网上会不会有 人交配的视频啊?” (大笑) 这时我才意识到, 我牵着八岁女儿的手, 一直把她带进了网络色情片的殿堂。
And I looked into this trusting, loving face, and I said, "Oh, no. That would never happen."
我看着她 她那天真充满信任的脸, 我说, “哦,不, 绝对没有。”
Thank you.
谢谢大家。
(Applause)
(掌声)
Thank you.
谢谢。
(Applause)
(掌声不断)
Thank you. I'm so happy to be here.
谢谢,很高兴来这里。