I have a daughter, Mulan. And when she was eight, last year, she was doing a report for school or she had some homework about frogs. And we were at this restaurant, and she said, "So, basically, frogs lay eggs and the eggs turn into tadpoles, and tadpoles turn into frogs."
Imam kćer, Mulan. I kada je imala osam godina, prošle godine, radila je seminar za školu, ili je imala domaću zadaću o žabama. I bili smo u jednom restoranu, a ona je rekla, „Dakle, zapravo žabe liježu jaja i onda se jaja pretvore u punoglavce i punoglavci se pretvore u žabe.“
And I said, "Yeah. You know, I'm not really up on my frog reproduction that much. It's the females, I think, that lay the eggs, and then the males fertilize them. And then they become tadpoles and frogs."
I ja sam rekla, "Da, znaš, zapravo ne znam baš toliko mnogo o reprodukciji žaba. Mislim da ženke liježu jaja. A mužjaci ih oplode. I onda postanu punoglavci i žabe.“
And she says, "What? Only the females have eggs?"
I onda je rekla, "Što? Samo ženke liježu jaja?“
And I said, "Yeah."
Ja sam rekla, "Da.“
And she goes, "And what's this fertilizing?"
A ona je nastavila, "A što je ta oplodnja?“
So I kind of said, "Oh, it's this extra ingredient, you know, that you need to create a new frog from the mom and dad frog." (Laughter)
Pa sam ja nekako rekla, "Oh, to je jedan poseban sastojak, znaš, koji je potreban da bi mama žaba i tata žaba napravili novu žabu.“
And she said, "Oh, so is that true for humans too?"
A ona je rekla, "Oh, znači to vrijedi i za ljude?“
And I thought, "Okay, here we go." I didn't know it would happen so quick, at eight. I was trying to remember all the guidebooks, and all I could remember was, "Only answer the question they're asking. Don't give any more information." (Laughter) So I said, "Yes."
A ja sam pomislila, "Ok, evo ga.“ Nisam znala da će se to dogoditi tako brzo, s osam godina. Pokušavala sam se prisjetiti svih vodiča, a sve što mi je palo na pamet je bilo "Samo odgovorite na pitanje koje su vam postavili. Ne dajte im ništa više informacija.“ Pa sam rekla, "Da.“
And she said, "And where do, um, where do human women, like, where do women lay their eggs?"
A ona je rekla, "A gdje, gdje ljudske žene, gdje žene nose svoja jaja?“
And I said, "Well, funny you should ask. (Laughter) We have evolved to have our own pond. We have our very own pond inside our bodies. And we lay our eggs there, we don't have to worry about other eggs or anything like that. It's our own pond. And that's how it happens."
A ja sam rekla, "Pa, baš smiješno što si pitala. Evoluirali smo tako da imamo vlastito jezerce. Imamo vlastito jezerce unutar našeg tijela. I tamo polažemo jaja. Ne moramo brinuti o ostalim jajima ili tome slično. To je naše jezero. I tako ti se to dogodi."
And she goes, "Then how do they get fertilized?"
A ona upita, "A kako se onda ona oplode?“
And I said, "Well, Men, through their penis, they fertilize the eggs by the sperm coming out. And you go through the woman's vagina."
A ja sam rekla, "Pa, muškarac kroz svoj penis oplodi jaja pomoću sperme koja izlazi. I ti izađeš kroz ženinu vaginu.“
And so we're just eating, and her jaw just drops, and she goes, "Mom! Like, where you go to the bathroom?"
I kako smo baš bili jeli, njena usta su se raširila i rekla je, "Mama! Hoćeš reći onuda kuda ideš piškiti?"
And I said, "I know. I know." (Laughter) That's how we evolved. It does seem odd. It is a little bit like having a waste treatment plant right next to an amusement park ... Bad zoning, but ..." (Laughter)
Rekla sam, "Znam. Znam.“ (Smijeh) Tako nastajemo. Malo se čini čudnim. To je kao da imaš pročišćavanje otpadnih tvari pokraj zabravnog parka. Loše zoniranje. Ali ...
She's like, "What?" And she goes, "But Mom, but men and women can't ever see each other naked, Mom. So how could that ever happen?"
Rekla je, "Što?“ I nastavila, "Ali mama, muškarci i žene se nikada ne smiju vidjeti dok su goli. Pa kako bi se to onda uopće moglo dogoditi?“
And then I go, "Well," and then I put my Margaret Mead hat on. "Human males and females develop a special bond, and when they're much older, much, much older than you, and they have a very special feeling, then they can be naked together."
I onda sam na glavu stavila kapu Margaret Mead. "Muškarci i žene razviju posebnu vezu i kada su mnogo stariji, mnogo, mnogo stariji od tebe, razviju veoma poseban osjećaj i onda mogu skupa biti goli.“
And she said, "Mom, have you done this before?"
I ona je rekla, "Mama, zar si ti to već radila?“
And I said, "Yes."
Rekla sam, "Da."
And she said, "But Mom, you can't have kids." Because she knows that I adopted her and that I can't have kids.
A ona je rekla, "Ali mama, ti ne možeš imati djecu." Zato što zna da sam ju posvojila i da ne mogu imati djece.
And I said, "Yes."
I onda sam rekla, "Da."
And she said, "Well, you don't have to do that again."
A ona je rekla, "Pa onda to ne moraš ponovo raditi."
And I said, "..."
A ja sam rekla, "..."
And then she said, "But how does it happen when a man and woman are together? Like, how do they know that's the time? Mom, does the man just say, 'Is now the time to take off my pants?'"
A ona je rekla, "Ali kako se to dogodi kada su muškarac i žena zajedno? Mislim, kako znaju da je pravo vrijeme? Mama, da li muškarac samo kaže, "Da li je sada vrijeme da skinem hlače?"
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
And I said, "Yes." (Laughter) "That is exactly right. That's exactly how it happens."
A ja sam rekla, "Da." (Smijeh) "Točno tako. Točno tako se dogodi.“
So we're driving home and she's looking out the window, and she goes, "Mom. What if two just people saw each other on the street, like a man and a woman, they just started doing it. Would that ever happen?"
I tako smo se vozili kući, a ona je gledala kroz prozor i rekla, "Mama, što kada bi se dvoje ljudi ugledalo na cesti, muškarac i žena, i jednostavno to počeli raditi. Bi li se takvo što ikada dogodilo?“
And I said, "Oh, no. Humans are so private. Oh ..."
Rekla sam, "O, ne. Ljudi su jako tajnoviti. O, ne.“
And then she goes, "What if there was like a party, and there was just like a whole bunch of girls and a whole bunch of boys, and there was a bunch of men and women and they just started doing it, Mom? Would that ever happen?"
A onda je nastavila, "A što da je bio recimo nekakav party. I tamo je hrpa cura i hrpa dječaka. I da je tamo hrpa muškaraca i hrpa žena i da su to jednostavno počeli raditi, mama? Može li se to dogoditi?“
And I said, "Oh, no, no. That's not how we do it."
Rekla sam, "O, ne, ne. Ne radimo to tako.“
Then we got home and we see the cat. And she goes, "Mom, how do cats do it?"
Onda smo došli kući i ugledali mačku, a ona je upitala, "Mama, kako to mačke rade?“
And I go, "Oh, it's the same. It's basically the same."
A ja sam rekla, "Pa, isto. Gotovo isto."
And then she got all caught up in the legs. "But how would the legs go, Mom? I don't understand the legs." She goes, "Mom, everyone can't do the splits."
I onda se „uhvatila“ za noge. "Ali kako noge idu, mama. Ne razumijem noge.“ Rekla je, "Mama, ne mogu svi napraviti špagu."
And I go, "I know, but the legs ..." and I'm probably like, "The legs get worked out."
Rekla sam, "Znam, ali noge...," mislim si, "Noge će se već snaći."
And she goes, "But I just can't understand it."
A ona kaže, "Ali ja to jednostavno ne mogu razumijeti."
So I go, "You know, why don't we go on the Internet, and maybe we can see ... like on Wikipedia." (Laughter)
Pa sam rekla, "Znaš, zašto ne bismo otišli na internet i recimo vidjeli ...“ na nekom mjestu poput Wikipedie.
So we go online, and we put in "cats mating." And, unfortunately, on YouTube, there's many cats mating videos. And we watched them and I'm so thankful, because she's just like, "Wow! This is so amazing." She goes, "What about dogs?" So we put in dogs mating, and, you know, we're watching it, and she's totally absorbed.
Pa smo otišli na internet i upisali "parenje mačaka." I nažalost, na Youtube-u postoji mnogo videa s parenjem mačaka. Pa smo ih pogledali, i tako sam zahvalna što je govorila, "Wow, ovo je tako nevjerojatno." Onda je pitala, "Što je s psima?" Pa smo upisali parenje pasa, i znate, gledali smo, a ona je totalno upijala.
And then she goes, "Mom, do you think they would have, on the Internet, any humans mating?" (Laughter) And then I realized that I had taken my little eight year old's hand, and taken her right into Internet porn. (Laughter)
A onda je upitala, "Mama, misliš li da na internetu ima i ljudskog parenja?“ (Smijeh) I onda sam shvatila da sam uzela ruku svoje kćeri i odvela je ravno u svijet pornografije na internetu.
And I looked into this trusting, loving face, and I said, "Oh, no. That would never happen."
Pa sam pogledala u to povjerljivo, dražesno lice i rekla, "O, ne. To se neće dogoditi.“
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
Thank you. I'm so happy to be here.
Hvala vam. Tako sam sretna što sam ovdje.