Tinc una filla, la Mulan. I l'any passat, quan en tenia vuit, estava fent un treball de l'escola o tenia uns deures sobre les granotes. I estàvem en un restaurant, i ella va dir: "O sigui que les granotes ponen ous, els ous es tornen capgrossos i els capgrossos es tornen granotes".
I have a daughter, Mulan. And when she was eight, last year, she was doing a report for school or she had some homework about frogs. And we were at this restaurant, and she said, "So, basically, frogs lay eggs and the eggs turn into tadpoles, and tadpoles turn into frogs."
I jo vaig dir: "Sí. Saps? No estic pas gaire al cas de la reproducció de les granotes. Són les femelles, em sembla, que ponen els ous, i després els mascles les fecunden. I després es tornen capgrossos i granotes".
And I said, "Yeah. You know, I'm not really up on my frog reproduction that much. It's the females, I think, that lay the eggs, and then the males fertilize them. And then they become tadpoles and frogs."
I ella diu: "Què? Només les femelles tenen ous?"
And she says, "What? Only the females have eggs?"
I jo vaig dir: "Sí".
And I said, "Yeah."
I ella: "I què és això de fecundar?"
And she goes, "And what's this fertilizing?"
I jo vaig dir com: "Oh, és aquell ingredient extra, saps, que necessites per crear una granota nova de la mama i el papa granotes". (Riure)
So I kind of said, "Oh, it's this extra ingredient, you know, that you need to create a new frog from the mom and dad frog." (Laughter)
I ella va dir: "Oh, doncs és el mateix pels homes, també?"
And she said, "Oh, so is that true for humans too?"
I vaig pensar: "Molt bé, som-hi". No sabia que passaria tan ràpid, als vuit anys. Intentava recordar tots els manuals, i l'únic que vaig poder recordar va ser: "Responeu només la pregunta que fan. No doneu cap més informació". (Riure) Per tant, vaig dir: "Sí".
And I thought, "Okay, here we go." I didn't know it would happen so quick, at eight. I was trying to remember all the guidebooks, and all I could remember was, "Only answer the question they're asking. Don't give any more information." (Laughter) So I said, "Yes."
I va dir: "I on, hmm, les dones humanes on... o sigui, on ponen els ous les dones?"
And she said, "And where do, um, where do human women, like, where do women lay their eggs?"
I vaig dir: "Bé, fa gràcia que ho preguntis. (Riure) Hem evolucionat fins a tenir el nostre propi estany. Tenim el nostre estany particular dins el cos. I ponem els ous allà, no ens hem de preocupar pels ous dels altres ni res d'això. És el nostre estany. I així és com va."
And I said, "Well, funny you should ask. (Laughter) We have evolved to have our own pond. We have our very own pond inside our bodies. And we lay our eggs there, we don't have to worry about other eggs or anything like that. It's our own pond. And that's how it happens."
I ella: "Així doncs, com són fecundades?"
And she goes, "Then how do they get fertilized?"
I jo vaig dir: "Bé, Els homes, a través del penis, fecunden els ous amb l'esperma que surt i passa a través de la vagina de la dona".
And I said, "Well, Men, through their penis, they fertilize the eggs by the sperm coming out. And you go through the woman's vagina."
I estàvem allà menjant, ella es queda amb la boca oberta i diu: "Mama! Igual que per on vas al lavabo?"
And so we're just eating, and her jaw just drops, and she goes, "Mom! Like, where you go to the bathroom?"
I vaig dir: "Ja ho sé. Ja ho sé". (Riure) Hem evolucionat així. És ben estrany. És com tenir una deixalleria just al costat d'un parc d'atraccions... Mal situat, però..." (Riure)
And I said, "I know. I know." (Laughter) That's how we evolved. It does seem odd. It is a little bit like having a waste treatment plant right next to an amusement park ... Bad zoning, but ..." (Laughter)
Ella estava com: "Què?" I diu: "Però mama, però els homes i les dones mai no es poden veure despullats, mama. O sigui que com pot passar?"
She's like, "What?" And she goes, "But Mom, but men and women can't ever see each other naked, Mom. So how could that ever happen?"
I després jo: "Bé", i em vaig posar el meu barret d'educadora sexual. Els homes i les dones desenvolupen un vincle especial, i quan són més grans, molt molt més grans que tu, i tenen un sentiment molt especial, després poden estar despullats junts".
And then I go, "Well," and then I put my Margaret Mead hat on. "Human males and females develop a special bond, and when they're much older, much, much older than you, and they have a very special feeling, then they can be naked together."
I va dir: "Mama, tu ho has fet mai abans?"
And she said, "Mom, have you done this before?"
I vaig dir: "Sí".
And I said, "Yes."
I va dir: "Però mama, tu no pots tenir fills". Perquè sap que l'he adoptada i que no puc tenir fills.
And she said, "But Mom, you can't have kids." Because she knows that I adopted her and that I can't have kids.
I vaig dir: "Sí".
And I said, "Yes."
I ella: "Bé, doncs així no cal que ho tornis a fer".
And she said, "Well, you don't have to do that again."
I jo: "..."
And I said, "..."
I després va dir: "Però com va quan un home i una dona estan junts? O sigui, com saben quan és el moment? Mama, l'home va i pregunta: 'Ara és el moment de treure'm els pantalons?'"
And then she said, "But how does it happen when a man and woman are together? Like, how do they know that's the time? Mom, does the man just say, 'Is now the time to take off my pants?'"
(Riure)
(Laughter)
I vaig dir: "Sí". (Riure) "És exactament això. Funciona just així".
And I said, "Yes." (Laughter) "That is exactly right. That's exactly how it happens."
Després tornàvem a casa amb cotxe, ella mirava per la finestra i va dir: "Mama. I si dues persones es veiessin al carrer, un home i una dona, i comencessin a fer-ho. Pot ser que passi mai?"
So we're driving home and she's looking out the window, and she goes, "Mom. What if two just people saw each other on the street, like a man and a woman, they just started doing it. Would that ever happen?"
I jo vaig dir: "Oh, no. Els humans són molt reservats. Oh..."
And I said, "Oh, no. Humans are so private. Oh ..."
I ella: "I si per exemple hi hagués una festa i hi hagués un grup de noies i un grup de nois, i hi hagués un pilot d'homes i dones i comencessin a fer-ho, mama? Podria passar mai?"
And then she goes, "What if there was like a party, and there was just like a whole bunch of girls and a whole bunch of boys, and there was a bunch of men and women and they just started doing it, Mom? Would that ever happen?"
I jo: "Oh, no, no. No ho fem pas així".
And I said, "Oh, no, no. That's not how we do it."
Després vam anar a casa i vam veure el gat. I ella va dir: "Mama, com ho fan els gats?"
Then we got home and we see the cat. And she goes, "Mom, how do cats do it?"
I jo: "Oh, és el mateix. És bàsicament el mateix".
And I go, "Oh, it's the same. It's basically the same."
I ella es va obsessionar amb les cames. "Però com anirien les cames, mama? No entenc això de les cames". Deia: "Mama, no tothom pot fer l'espagat".
And then she got all caught up in the legs. "But how would the legs go, Mom? I don't understand the legs." She goes, "Mom, everyone can't do the splits."
I jo: "Ja ho sé, però les cames..." i vaig dir com: "Les cames no són problema".
And I go, "I know, but the legs ..." and I'm probably like, "The legs get worked out."
I ella: "És que no ho puc entendre".
And she goes, "But I just can't understand it."
I vaig dir: "Mira, perquè no anem a Internet, i potser ho podem veure.. com a Wikipedia". (Riure)
So I go, "You know, why don't we go on the Internet, and maybe we can see ... like on Wikipedia." (Laughter)
I ens vam connectar i vam posar "gats aparellant-se". I, per desgràcia, a YouTube hi ha molts vídeos de gats aparellant-se. I ho vam mirar i jo estava molt agraïda, perquè estava com: "Uau! Això és increïble!" I diu: "I els gossos?" I vam posar gossos aparellant-se i, sabeu, ho estàvem mirant i ella estava totalment concentrada.
So we go online, and we put in "cats mating." And, unfortunately, on YouTube, there's many cats mating videos. And we watched them and I'm so thankful, because she's just like, "Wow! This is so amazing." She goes, "What about dogs?" So we put in dogs mating, and, you know, we're watching it, and she's totally absorbed.
I després diu: "Mama, creus que a Internet hi haurà humans aparellant-se?" (Riure) I de cop em vaig adonar que havia agafat la meva nena de vuit anys de la mà i l'havia portat directe al porno d'Internet. (Riure)
And then she goes, "Mom, do you think they would have, on the Internet, any humans mating?" (Laughter) And then I realized that I had taken my little eight year old's hand, and taken her right into Internet porn. (Laughter)
I vaig mirar la seva cara ingènua i tendra i vaig dir: "Oh, no. Això no passarà mai".
And I looked into this trusting, loving face, and I said, "Oh, no. That would never happen."
Gràcies.
Thank you.
(Aplaudiments)
(Applause)
Gràcies.
Thank you.
(Aplaudiments)
(Applause)
Gràcies. Estic molt contenta d'estar aquí.
Thank you. I'm so happy to be here.