Most days I spend my days trying to figure out what the days mean
and I'm stuck Stuck between caring too much and not caring enough between, holding on too long and letting go too easily Feet stumbling beneath me trying to follow this narrow path I look around and all I see are faces that laugh Grass, greener on the other side Eyes wide, brimming smiles and full hearts Music on blast And a nervous excitement from the accidental touch of two lovers at the start I look at myself and I'm going nowhere fast Maybe this is just a facade A shallow mask to cover up the fact that we are all hurting inside That no amount of pride could dry the sea of tears, years of pain waiting for the clouds to clear Fear, settling like dust And you know what? Somedays, I am just tired Somedays I'm barely strong enough to carry the burden of my heavy heart Let alone, the weight of the world on my shoulders Somedays, I need space on my own No internet, no mobile phone and somedays I just want to run away from it all But then on somedays I hear a voice call in the back of my mind each syllable sounds like a little droplet of light falling on deaf eyes, I wonder through the darkness and it says to me: Why would you want to run when yo have wings for feet? Fly! So this for all those with wings for feet who keep on running Please do not run, fly Fly like the poets pen across the page Fly like it was your 12th birthday and you just made the biggest wish and blew out a candle with a flame the size of the sun And the darkness of the universe is now your living room, fly Like a midnight, moonlight city-cyclist going downhill with headphones on and no hands, fly Like a runner in the park, racing against the sunset, no regrets like every mistake you've ever made has just been washed away, fly Like your new crush has just noticed you, looking fly And has walked up to you, holding roses and chocolates to ask you out on a date and they're paying Fly (Laughter) like you never stopped believing in love like you weren't the only one There was a time when everything you imagined was real Your mind is the most powerful instrument that you will ever own Only second to your heart which you feel and they are made one of the same, so fly Fly like you are not worried about the days the months and the years of growing older, because each day that you live is the youngest that you will ever be And we live eternally, In each dream, in each sleep we keep a piece of ourselves just to give to each other So this is for all those with wings or feet who keep on running Please do not run, fly If you are lucky, you will never have to remember home through your mother's tears or the rage in your father's voice when it shakes Home will be somewhere you run to never away from it will never chase you away A rapid dog hot on your heels with teeth like a shark Teeth so sharp you can already feel it cutting into you If you are lucky, home will never up and leave you and up and leave you and up and leave you To the point where whenever anyone ups and leaves you it feels like home You will look for them as if they are home because we all need somewhere to stay even if it is a person, somewhere safe, somewhere warm Home should never be to an abusive ex lover it should never beat you down, taunting you with its beady eyes and clenched fists knowing too well how much you want it and how much you hurt because it hurts you And though it has hurt you and you left it You should never long for it, but you do You wish to return to its forsaking arms to be held, once more, by home Even if only for a little while You try to remember whether you left home or if it left you If you are lucky, its memory will never haunt you when you move on so you do not have to remember A city is merely a collection of buildings and buildings do not have souls So how can home haunt you as through a ghost but it does Cold sweat on your forehead as you buckle to your knees for who else wakes in the middle of the night Filled with this longing both a nightmare and a dream You cannot tell if home is dying or if it is you but you know you are both fighting to stay alive At times fighting each other Home should never break you in two so wherever you go you are never whole Half of you remains where you left it and the other half is rejected where you arrive You are a split flat-sided pendulum suspended in the air on each side If you are lucky - and you were - none of this would've ever happened to you You should have enough of home to take with you wherever you go, yet you don't You carry only what was left to you Only enough to fit in the cracks of the lines in your palm A small streak of hope and so you hold it tight Fist clenched with both rage and regret Imagine how it feels to be chased out of home, to have your grip ripped, loosened from your fingertips, something you so dearly held onto Like a lovers hand that slips when it is pulled away You are always reaching, my father would speak of home, reaching Speaking of familiar faces, the girl next door who'd eventually grow up to be my mother The fruit seller at the market The lonely man at the top of the road who nobody spoke to And our house at the bottom of the street Lit up by a single flickering lamp where beyond was only darkness There, they would sit and tell stories of monsters that lurked and came only at night To catch the children who sat and listened to stories of monsters that lurked This is how they lived Each memory buried An artefact left to be discovered by archaeologists The last words on a dying family member's lips This was sacred Not even monsters could taint it But there were monsters that came during the day Monsters that tore families apart with their giant hands and fingers that slept on triggers The sound of gunshots ripping through the sky became familiar like the tapping of rainfall on the windowsill Monsters that would kill and hide behind speeches, suits and ties Monsters that would chase families away Forcing them to leave everything behind I remember when we first stepped off the plane Everything was foreign, unfamiliar, uninviting Even the air in my lungs left me short of breath We came here to find refuge, they called us "refugees" So we hid ourselves in their language until we sounded just like them Changed the way we dressed to look just like them Made this our home until we live just like them And began to speak of familiar faces The girl next door who’d eventually grow up to be a mother The fruit seller at the market the lonely man at the top of the road who nobody spoke to And our house at the bottom of the street Lit up by a single flickering lamp where beyond was only darkness There we would sit and watch police that lurked and came only at night to arrest the youth who sat and watched police that lurked This is how we lived I remember one day I heard them say to me, They come here to take our jobs They need to go back to where they came from Not knowing I was one of the ones who came I told them that a refugee is simply someone who is trying to make a home So next time when you go home tuck your children in, and kiss your families goodnight Be glad that the monsters never came for you in their suits and ties Never came for you in the newspapers where the media lies Never came for you That you are not despised I know that deep inside the heart of each and every one of us we are all always reaching for a place that we can call 'home' (Applause)