It was April, last year. I was on an evening out with friends to celebrate one of their birthdays. We hadn't been all together for a couple of weeks; it was a perfect evening, as we were all reunited.
去年四月, 晚上我和幾個朋友出去聚餐, 幫其中的一位友人慶生。 我們好幾個禮拜沒聚在一起了; 我們度過了一個美好的夜晚。
At the end of the evening, I caught the last underground train back to the other side of London. The journey was smooth. I got back to my local station and I began the 10-minute walk home. As I turned the corner onto my street, my house in sight up ahead, I heard footsteps behind me that seemed to have approached out of nowhere and were picking up pace. Before I had time to process what was happening, a hand was clapped around my mouth so that I could not breathe, and the young man behind me dragged me to the ground, beat my head repeatedly against the pavement until my face began to bleed, kicking me in the back and neck while he began to assault me, ripping off my clothes and telling me to "shut up," as I struggled to cry for help. With each smack of my head to the concrete ground, a question echoed through my mind that still haunts me today: "Is this going to be how it all ends?"
結束之後, 我搭乘末班地鐵回到倫敦的另一頭。 一路上很平順。 我抵達我家附近的地鐵站, 並照例走 10 分鐘的路回家。 轉過街角 就能看見我家。 我聽見背後有腳步聲, 不知道是從那裡冒出來的。 腳步聲愈來愈急促, 我還來不及反應, 一隻手已經摀住我的嘴巴, 令我不能呼吸。 身後的年輕男子將我硬拽在地, 不停地將我的頭往地面撞, 直到我的臉開始流血, 他用腳踢我的背和脖子 開始對我性侵, 他撕開我的衣服並叫我閉嘴, 當時我掙扎奮力地呼救。 每當我的頭被撞向水泥地時, 心中便浮現一個 至今仍縈繞腦海的問題: 「我會就這樣死掉嗎?」
Little could I have realized, I'd been followed the whole way from the moment I left the station. And hours later, I was standing topless and barelegged in front of the police, having the cuts and bruises on my naked body photographed for forensic evidence.
我完全沒有察覺到, 從我一離開車站開始 那個人就一路尾隨著我了。 幾個小時之後, 我站在警察面前 袒露著上半身、赤裸著腿, 身上的傷口、瘀腫都被拍照存證, 作為法醫鑑識的證據。
Now, there are few words to describe the all-consuming feelings of vulnerability, shame, upset and injustice that I was ridden with in that moment and for the weeks to come. But wanting to find a way to condense these feelings into something ordered that I could work through, I decided to do what felt most natural to me: I wrote about it.
我沒有辦法形容當時心裡滿溢的 脆弱、羞恥、憤惱和不公不義的感覺, 接下來的數週亦是。 但我想找到能把這些百感交集的情緒 彙整成我能處理、克服的方式, 於是我選擇了我最擅長的事: 我把它寫下來。
It started out as a cathartic exercise. I wrote a letter to my assaulter, humanizing him as "you," to identify him as part of the very community that he had so violently abused that night.
我一開始將之視為宣洩的管道。 我寫信給加害人, 並以「你」稱呼他, 把他當成是其所施暴的 社群團體中的一份子。
Stressing the tidal-wave effect of his actions, I wrote: "Did you ever think of the people in your life? I don't know who the people in your life are. I don't know anything about you. But I do know this: you did not just attack me that night. I'm a daughter, I'm a friend, I'm a sister, I'm a pupil, I'm a cousin, I'm a niece, I'm a neighbor; I'm the employee who served everyone coffee in the café under the railway. And all the people who form these relations to me make up my community. And you assaulted every single one of them. You violated the truth that I will never cease to fight for, and which all of these people represent: that there are infinitely more good people in the world than bad."
為了強調他的行為所造成的 連鎖反應, 我寫道: 「你想過你身邊的人嗎? 雖然我不認識任何你的親朋好友。 雖然我對你一無所知。 但我知道: 你那晚攻擊的不只是『我』而已。 我是別人的女兒、朋友, 我是姊姊,我是學生, 我是表姊、姪女, 我是鄰居。 我是在地鐵站的咖啡廳裡 端咖啡的服務生。 而所有這些跟我有聯結的人 組成了我的社群。 你攻擊的是他們每一個人。 你還侵犯了一項我誓死維護的, 也是這群人所代表的一項真理: 世界上,好人永遠比壞人多。」
But, determined not to let this one incident make me lose faith in the solidarity in my community or humanity as a whole, I recalled the 7/7 terrorist bombings in July 2005 on London transport, and how the mayor of London at the time, and indeed my own parents, had insisted that we all get back on the tubes the next day, so we wouldn't be defined or changed by those that had made us feel unsafe.
但我決定不讓這次事件 讓我失去對整個社群與 人性的信念, 我想起 2005 年的 倫敦七七爆炸案, 那時的倫敦市長,乃至於我的雙親, 都堅持大家隔天要照常搭地鐵, 如此一來,我們就不會 被那些令人恐慌的人、事、物 所侷限或改變。
I told my attacker, "You've carried out your attack, but now I'm getting back on my tube. My community will not feel we are unsafe walking home after dark. We will get on the last tubes home, and we will walk up our streets alone, because we will not ingrain or submit to the idea that we are putting ourselves in danger in doing so. We will continue to come together, like an army, when any member of our community is threatened. And this is a fight you will not win."
我告訴我的加害人, 「你雖攻擊了我, 但我還是會照常搭地鐵, 我們會照常走夜路回家, 不會感覺到不安。 我們還是會搭末班車回家, 我們還是會隻身走在街道上, 因為我們不會讓 這樣做就會置自己於險境的想法, 深深植入腦中。 當我們社群中有任何成員受到威脅, 我們會團結一心,像支軍隊一樣, 這是一場你贏不了的戰爭。」
At the time of writing this letter --
當我寫這封信的時候,
(Applause)
(掌聲)
Thank you.
謝謝你們。
(Applause)
(掌聲)
At the time of writing this letter, I was studying for my exams in Oxford, and I was working on the local student paper there. Despite being lucky enough to have friends and family supporting me, it was an isolating time. I didn't know anyone who'd been through this before; at least I didn't think I did. I'd read news reports, statistics, and knew how common sexual assault was, yet I couldn't actually name a single person that I'd heard speak out about an experience of this kind before.
當我寫這封信的時候, 我正在準備牛津的考試, 我也在當地一家學生日報工作。 儘管很慶幸有親朋好友的情義相挺, 但基本上那是段孤獨的時光。 我不認識任何有相同經歷的人, 至少我認為如此。 我也看過報章雜誌、統計數據, 知道性侵是多麼地普遍, 但我講不出任何一個我聽過的人名, 曾公開講述這類的經歷。
So in a somewhat spontaneous decision, I decided that I would publish my letter in the student paper, hoping to reach out to others in Oxford that might have had a similar experience and be feeling the same way. At the end of the letter, I asked others to write in with their experiences under the hashtag, "#NotGuilty," to emphasize that survivors of assault could express themselves without feeling shame or guilt about what happened to them -- to show that we could all stand up to sexual assault.
出於某個自發性的決定, 我將這封信投到學生日報上, 希望讓牛津其他有相同經歷 或感同身受的人看到。 在信的結尾, 我呼籲其他人寫出他們的經歷, 並標註「# 我本無罪 」 (#NotGuilty) 讓那些受害者在不覺得有羞恥或 罪惡感的情況下,對其所經歷的事件 抒發自己的情緒。 證明我們都能夠走出性侵的陰影。
What I never anticipated is that almost overnight, this published letter would go viral. Soon, we were receiving hundreds of stories from men and women across the world, which we began to publish on a website I set up. And the hashtag became a campaign.
沒想到,一覺醒來, 這封信就像病毒般擴散。 很快,我們就收到來自世界各地 上百位男女的故事, 我們開始將故事發表在 我建立的網站上。 而所標註的話題已成為一股風潮。
There was an Australian mother in her 40s who described how on an evening out, she was followed to the bathroom by a man who went to repeatedly grab her crotch. There was a man in the Netherlands who described how he was date-raped on a visit to London and wasn't taken seriously by anyone he reported his case to. I had personal Facebook messages from people in India and South America, saying, how can we bring the message of the campaign there? One of the first contributions we had was from a woman called Nikki, who described growing up, being molested my her own father. And I had friends open up to me about experiences ranging from those that happened last week to those that happened years ago, that I'd had no idea about.
一位 40 多歲的澳洲媽媽說, 在一個外出的夜晚, 有人跟蹤她到廁所, 那個男人不停地摩蹭她的胯下。 有個荷蘭籍男性, 說他去倫敦與人約會時遭對方強暴, 但沒有人把他的話當真。 我收到來自印度和南美洲人 在臉書的私訊, 他們問道:要如何 把這個活動的訊息帶到當地? 我們收到的第一篇投稿, 是一位名叫妮琪的女士, 述說她從小到大都被生父猥褻。 接著有更多朋友向我敞開心房, 訴說著我所不知的 早已發生在他們身上的經歷, 從上周才發生 到好幾年前發生的都有。
And the more we started to receive these messages, the more we also started to receive messages of hope -- people feeling empowered by this community of voices standing up to sexual assault and victim-blaming. One woman called Olivia, after describing how she was attacked by someone she had trusted and cared about for a long time, said, "I've read many of the stories posted here, and I feel hopeful that if so many women can move forward, then I can, too. I've been inspired by many, and I hope I can be as strong as them someday. I'm sure I will."
收到越來越多這類的訊息, 我們也開始燃起越來越多的希望, 受害者被這社群的發聲所鼓舞, 他們得以站出來面對性侵的傷痛, 和抵抗「責怪受害者」的現象。 一位名為歐麗薇雅的女士, 在描述自己 被長期信賴與關心的人性侵後, 說道:「我在這裡看到很多故事, 見到這麼多女人都踏出這一步, 我相信我也可以。 我受到這當中很多人的啟發, 希望有朝一日也能像他們一樣堅強, 我相信會有這麼一天的。」
People around the world began tweeting under this hashtag, and the letter was republished and covered by the national press, as well as being translated into several other languages worldwide.
世界各地的人開始在推文時 標記上「我本無罪」, 而全國性的報社也刊載了我的信件, 同時也被翻譯成多國語言。
But something struck me about the media attention that this letter was attracting. For something to be front-page news, given the word "news" itself, we can assume it must be something new or something surprising. And yet sexual assault is not something new. Sexual assault, along with other kinds of injustices, is reported in the media all the time. But through the campaign, these injustices were framed as not just news stories, they were firsthand experiences that had affected real people, who were creating, with the solidarity of others, what they needed and had previously lacked: a platform to speak out, the reassurance they weren't alone or to blame for what happened to them and open discussions that would help to reduce stigma around the issue. The voices of those directly affected were at the forefront of the story -- not the voices of journalists or commentators on social media. And that's why the story was news.
但我對媒體會對我的信 這麼感興趣而大吃一驚。 他們把信刊在頭版, 鑒於「新」聞這個字本身的意義, 我們理所當然地認為 它一定是很新或令人驚訝的事情。 但性侵已經不是新鮮事了。 性侵就跟其他不公平、 不公正的事件一樣, 每天都出現在各種媒體上。 但透過這個運動, 性侵事件不僅只是個新聞事件, 而是影響當事人一生的 真人真事的第一手經歷, 這些當事人凝聚團結在一起, 創造出他們所需要, 但之前一直欠缺的東西: 一個能讓他們發表言論的平台, 讓他們知道自己不是孤軍奮鬥, 也不是有錯的那一方, 而公開討論也能夠幫助減輕 談論到相關議題的羞辱感。 這個社群中,說故事的人 同時也是事件的當事者 並不是記者或評論員撰擬出來的。 這也是為什麼這故事被稱為新聞。
We live in an incredibly interconnected world with the proliferation of social media, which is of course a fantastic resource for igniting social change. But it's also made us increasingly reactive, from the smallest annoyances of, "Oh, my train's been delayed," to the greatest injustices of war, genocides, terrorist attacks. Our default response has become to leap to react to any kind of grievance by tweeting, Facebooking, hastagging -- anything to show others that we, too, have reacted.
我們身在一個網路資訊 四通八達的世界, 社群媒體不斷地激增, 而它的確是推動社會改變的利器。 但這也使人們越來越過度反應, 小至「天啊!火車誤點了!」的 惱人小事, 大至戰爭、種族屠殺, 甚至是恐怖攻擊。 看到任何發牢騷、不滿的訊息時, 就會立即做出回應, 在推特、臉書上發文、標記, 竭盡所能的昭告天下 自己也有所共鳴。
The problem with reacting in this manner en masse is it can sometimes mean that we don't actually react at all, not in the sense of actually doing anything, anyway. It might make ourselves feel better, like we've contributed to a group mourning or outrage, but it doesn't actually change anything. And what's more, it can sometimes drown out the voices of those directly affected by the injustice, whose needs must be heard.
問題是,當大家都有所反應時, 有時也意味著大家根本沒反應, 沒有人真的想去做些什麼, 我們只是讓自己心裡面舒服點, 覺得好像在集體的哀悼與憤慨中 貢獻了一己之力, 但事實上你沒有任何貢獻。 還有, 這些行為有的時候, 會掩蓋掉真實受害者的聲音, 而他們的需求必須被聽見。
Worrying, too, is the tendency for some reactions to injustice to build even more walls, being quick to point fingers with the hope of providing easy solutions to complex problems. One British tabloid, on the publication of my letter, branded a headline stating, "Oxford Student Launches Online Campaign to Shame Attacker." But the campaign never meant to shame anyone. It meant to let people speak and to make others listen. Divisive Twitter trolls were quick to create even more injustice, commenting on my attacker's ethnicity or class to push their own prejudiced agendas. And some even accused me of feigning the whole thing to push, and I quote, my "feminist agenda of man-hating."
還令人擔憂的是 有些回應不公事件的行為 也可能會帶來更多隔閡, 人們迅速究責並希望能夠 對複雜的問題提供簡單的解決方案。 一家英國小報在刊登我的信時, 下了這麼一個標題: 「牛津學生在網路上 發起羞辱加害人運動。」 但我發起的這個運動, 從未想要羞辱任何人。 只是要讓大家勇於發言並有人傾聽。 推特上具爭議性的謬論 只會造成更多傷害, 藉由批評我的加害人的種族和階級, 來推波助瀾他們自己的偏見。 有人甚至指控我是在自導自演, 容許我引用一下報社的文字: 「為了申張女權主義而仇恨男人」。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
I know, right? As if I'm going to be like, "Hey guys! Sorry I can't make it, I'm busy trying to hate the entire male population by the time I'm 30."
好笑吧? 好像我是會說:「抱歉,夥伴們, 我沒辦法去了喔, 因為在 30 歲之前,我都在忙著 仇恨全世界所有的男人。」 這種話的人。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Now, I'm almost sure that these people wouldn't say the things they say in person. But it's as if because they might be behind a screen, in the comfort in their own home when on social media, people forget that what they're doing is a public act -- that other people will be reading it and be affected by it.
現在,我幾乎可以確定, 這些人不會當著我的面說出 他們在網路上留下的那些言論。 那是因為他們躲在螢幕後面, 待在自己舒適的家中 使用著社群媒體。 人們常會忘記他們的所作所為 是一種公眾行為, 其他人會看,也會受其影響。
Returning to my analogy of getting back on our trains, another main concern I have about this noise that escalates from our online responses to injustice is that it can very easily slip into portraying us as the affected party, which can lead to a sense of defeatism, a kind of mental barrier to seeing any opportunity for positivity or change after a negative situation.
回到前面提到的重回地鐵的比喻, 對那些在網路上回應 不公義的干擾言論, 我所關注的是, 這些干擾言論很容易 把我們描繪成受影響的一方, 這可能會導致失敗主義的情緒: 這是一種無法正向地看待機會 或無法在負面狀態下 做出改變的精神障礙。
A couple of months before the campaign started or any of this happened to me, I went to a TEDx event in Oxford, and I saw Zelda la Grange speak, the former private secretary to Nelson Mandela. One of the stories she told really struck me. She spoke of when Mandela was taken to court by the South African Rugby Union after he commissioned an inquiry into sports affairs. In the courtroom, he went up to the South African Rugby Union's lawyers, shook them by the hand and conversed with them, each in their own language. And Zelda wanted to protest, saying they had no right to his respect after this injustice they had caused him.
在這個運動開始的幾個月前 或在我遭遇這些事之前, 我參加 TEDx 在牛津的活動, 我看見了納爾遜·曼德拉的 前任私人秘書 芮爾妲•拉格蘭奇的演講, 她其中的一個故事震撼了我。 她提到曼德拉在委任對體育事件 進行調查後, 就被南非國家橄欖球隊 一狀告到法院。 在法庭上, 他走向南非國家橄欖球隊的律師團, 跟他們握手, 並用他們各自的語言和他們對話。 芮爾妲想提出抗議, 她認為這些律師對曼德拉做出 不公義的指控, 不配得到曼德拉的尊重。
He turned to her and said, "You must never allow the enemy to determine the grounds for battle."
曼德拉回頭告訴她: 「永遠別讓敵人來決定戰場。」
At the time of hearing these words, I didn't really know why they were so important, but I felt they were, and I wrote them down in a notebook I had on me. But I've thought about this line a lot ever since.
聽到這句話時, 我並不瞭解這句話的重要性, 但我覺得它很重要,所以我將這句話 寫在我隨身攜帶的筆記本上。 從那個時候開始, 我便常常思考這句話的意義。
Revenge, or the expression of hatred towards those who have done us injustice may feel like a human instinct in the face of wrong, but we need to break out of these cycles if we are to hope to transform negative events of injustice into positive social change. To do otherwise continues to let the enemy determine the grounds for battle, creates a binary, where we who have suffered become the affected, pitted against them, the perpetrators. And just like we got back on our tubes, we can't let our platforms for interconnectivity and community be the places that we settle for defeat.
報復,或者向對我們施加不公的人 表達恨意, 可能是人類在面對不公不義時的 本能直覺反應, 但是我們需要打破這個循環, 我們應該要將不公平的負面事件, 轉換成正面的社會革新能量。 否則, 如果繼續讓敵人決定戰場, 則會產生另一個對立的結果, 我們這些受害者成為了影響者, 與加害者相互爭鬥。 就像我們選擇回到地鐵一樣, 我們不能讓互聯網及社群的平台, 淪為認輸妥協的戰場。
But I don't want to discourage a social media response, because I owe the development of the #NotGuilty campaign almost entirely to social media. But I do want to encourage a more considered approach to the way we use it to respond to injustice.
我並不是想要阻止 這些社群媒體的回應, 因為「# 我本無罪」活動的成功, 絕大部分歸功於社群媒體。 但是我的確想要鼓勵大家, 用成熟負責的方式 來回應不公義的事件。
The start, I think, is to ask ourselves two things. Firstly: Why do I feel this injustice? In my case, there were several answers to this. Someone had hurt me and those who I loved, under the assumption they wouldn't have to be held to account or recognize the damage they had caused. Not only that, but thousands of men and women suffer every day from sexual abuse, often in silence, yet it's still a problem we don't give the same airtime to as other issues. It's still an issue many people blame victims for.
首先,我認為要先問自己兩個問題。 第一:為什麼我會覺得不公平? 就我的例子而言,有幾個答案。 有人傷害我和我愛的人, 如果他們沒有為這件事付出代價, 或沒有認知到他們所造成的傷害, 這樣我就會感到不公平。 不只如此,每天都有 成千上萬的男男女女, 遭受性侵,通常只能保持沈默, 而且,大家對此問題的關注程度 卻少於其他事件。 到現在,還是有很多人 會指責受害者。
Next, ask yourself: How, in recognizing these reasons, could I go about reversing them? With us, this was holding my attacker to account -- and many others. It was calling them out on the effect they had caused. It was giving airtime to the issue of sexual assault, opening up discussions amongst friends, amongst families, in the media that had been closed for too long, and stressing that victims shouldn't feel to blame for what happened to them. We might still have a long way to go in solving this problem entirely. But in this way, we can begin to use social media as an active tool for social justice, as a tool to educate, to stimulate dialogues, to make those in positions of authority aware of an issue by listening to those directly affected by it.
再來,問問自己: 認知到這些原因後, 我如何能改變它們? 就我們而言,是要我的加害者 和其他的加害者承擔後果。 讓他們出來面對他們所造成的影響。 讓媒體對性侵事件投以更多的關注, 朋友、家人之間能夠開誠佈公地討論 這個被塵封已久的話題, 並且強調受害者不應該 為其所受到的傷害而遭受指責。 要完全解決性侵這個問題 也許還有好長一段路要走。 但透過這個方式, 我們可以開始使用社群媒體 作為審視社會公義的有效利器, 來作為教育、喚起群眾對話的利器, 藉由聆聽受害者的心聲, 讓當權者知道這個問題的重要性。
Because sometimes these questions don't have easy answers. In fact, they rarely do. But this doesn't mean we still can't give them a considered response. In situations where you can't go about thinking how you'd reverse this feeling of injustice, you can still think, maybe not what you can do, but what you can not do. You can not build further walls by fighting injustice with more prejudice, more hatred. You can not speak over those directly affected by an injustice. And you can not react to injustice, only to forget about it the next day, just because the rest of Twitter has moved on.
因為有時這些問題並不會有 簡單的答案, 事實上,鮮少會有。 但是,這並不意味著我們無法 給受害者成熟、合理的回應, 在你無法思考出 如何扭轉這個不公平的感覺時, 你可想看看,也許不要執著於 我們可做些什麼, 而是不要做什麼。 你可以不要帶著偏見、 仇恨來回應不公事件, 以避免築起更多高牆。 你可以不要議論那些事件的受害者, 你可以不要在回應了不公事件後 隨即隔天就忘了這件事, 因為推持已去追逐新的話題了。
Sometimes not reacting instantly is, ironically, the best immediate course of action we can take. Because we might be angry, upset and energized by injustice, but let's consider our responses. Let us hold people to account, without descending into a culture that thrives off shaming and injustice ourselves. Let us remember that distinction, so often forgotten by internet users, between criticism and insult. Let us not forget to think before we speak, just because we might have a screen in front of us. And when we create noise on social media, let it not drown out the needs of those affected, but instead let it amplify their voices, so the internet becomes a place where you're not the exception if you speak out about something that has actually happened to you.
諷刺的是,有時候不立刻回應, 是我們立即可以採取的措施。 我們會因為遭受不公平待遇 而生氣、沮喪和衝動, 但是讓我們想想自己的反應。 我們要讓加害者付出代價, 而不是助長我們自己羞愧 與遭受不公不義的感覺。 讓我們牢記那個 常被網民遺忘的事情, 那就是批評與辱罵的區別。 別忘了我們仍須三思而後行, 不要因我們面前有螢幕擋著就不。 當我們在社群媒體發出各種聲音時, 我們不應該讓這些聲音 凌鴐了受害者的需要, 而應該強化受害者的訴求。 所以網路成了你講述自身的 親身真實經歷, 也不會被另眼相看的地方。
All these considered approaches to injustice evoke the very keystones on which the internet was built: to network, to have signal, to connect -- all these terms that imply bringing people together, not pushing people apart.
所有這些以成熟嚴謹的態度 來回應不公不義的方法, 喚起了網路初創的主旨: 溝通、傳遞訊息、 促進人與人之間的連結。 這些詞語都暗示著 使人們更緊密地凝聚著, 而非愈來愈疏離。
Because if you look up the word "justice" in the dictionary, before punishment, before administration of law or judicial authority, you get: "The maintenance of what is right." And I think there are few things more "right" in this world than bringing people together, than unions. And if we allow social media to deliver that, then it can deliver a very powerful form of justice, indeed.
假如你在字典上查 「justice」這個字, 在懲罰、法律或司法機關管理 這些字眼之前, 你會看到: 「維護正義」。 我認為世界上幾乎沒有 比將人與人團結在一起 更正義的事了。 如果我們藉由社群媒體來傳遞這個訊息, 公平正義將會透過更有力的形式傳遞。
Thank you very much.
謝謝大家!
(Applause)
(掌聲)