There are about 5,000 women here today. Among us, 1,250 have been or will be sexually assaulted at some point in our lives. One in four. Only 10 percent will report it. The other 90 percent take refuge in silence -- half of them, because the incident involves a close family member or someone they know, and that makes it much more difficult to deal with and talk about. The other half don't talk about it because they fear they won’t be believed. And they're right -- because we don't.
今天在場約有 5,000 名女性, 當中有 1,250 位曾被性侵, 或將在人生某個時間點會被性侵。 每四個人中就有一個; 其中只有 10% 的人會舉報, 其他 90% 避難在沉默中; 當中一半的人因為性侵事件 涉及到家庭的近親 或是她們認識的人, 使得情況更難處理、更難以啟齒; 而另一半說不出口 是因為害怕沒人會相信她們。 她們的顧慮是對的, 我們的確不相信她們。
Today I want to share with you why I think we don't believe them. We don't believe them because when a woman tells what happened to her, she tells us things we can't imagine, things that disturb us, things we don't expect to hear, things that shock us. We expect to hear stories like this one: "Girl raped near the Mitre Railroad tracks. It happened at midnight as she was on her way home. She said that someone attacked her from behind, told her not to scream, said he had a gun and that she shouldn't move. He raped her and then fled the scene." When we hear or read a story like this, we immediately visualize it: the rapist, a depraved lower-class man. And the victim, a young, attractive woman. The image only lasts 10 or 20 seconds, and it's dark and two-dimensional; there's no movement, no sound; it's as if there were no people involved. But when a woman tells her story, it doesn't fit in 10 or 20 seconds.
今天,我和與各位分享 為什麼我們不相信她們。 我們不相信,是因為當 一位女性說出她的遭遇時, 她說出我們無法想像的事情, 讓我們不舒服的事情, 我們未預期聽到的事情, 讓我們震驚的事情。 我們預期聽到這樣的故事: 「女孩在鄰近米特勒鐵路處被強暴。 事情發生在晚上,她正在回家路上。 她說,有人從後方攻擊她, 說他手上有槍, 叫她不許尖叫、不准動。 他強暴了她,然後逃離現場。」 聽到或讀到這樣的故事, 我們馬上會將它視覺化: 強暴者是個頹廢的社會低層男性。 受害者是年輕迷人的女性。 這個畫面只會持續十或二十秒, 且它是黑暗、平面的; 沒有動態、沒有聲音; 就像沒有人涉入一樣。 但當一個女性說出她的故事, 不會是十秒或二十秒而已。
The following is the testimony of a woman I'll call "Ana." She's one of the 85 women I interviewed while conducting research on sexual assault. Ana told me: "I had gone with the girls in the office to the same pub we always go to. We met some guys, and I hooked up with this super cool guy; we talked a lot. Around 4am, I told my friends it was time to go. They wanted to stay. So, the guy asked me where I lived and said if it was OK with me, he'd drive me home. I agreed, and we left.
下面是一位女子的證詞, 我用「安娜」來稱呼她。 她是我所訪問的 85 位女性之一, 我當時在做關於性侵的研究。 安娜告訴我: 「我和辦公室的其他女孩一起去 我們通常會去的那間酒吧。 我們遇到幾個男生, 我認識了一個超酷的男生, 我們聊了很多。 大約清晨四點, 我告訴我朋友該走了。 她們想留下。 這個男生問我住在哪裡, 他說如果我許可,他願意載我回家。 我說好,我們就離開了。
At a stoplight, he told me he liked me and touched my leg. I don't like a guy to approach me that way, but he had been affectionate all night. I thought, 'I shouldn't be so paranoid. What if I say something but he didn't mean anything by it, and I offend him?' When he should have made a turn, he kept going straight. I thought he had made a mistake, and I said, 'You should have turned there.' But something felt off. Thinking back, I wonder, 'Why didn't I pay attention to what I was feeling?'
在等一個紅燈時,他告訴我 他喜歡我,並觸摸我的腿。 我不喜歡男生用那種方式接近我, 但他整晚都很溫柔深情。 我心想用不著那麼多疑。 如果我說了什麼, 卻發現他的意圖不是我想的, 結果冒犯了他怎麼辦? 當他該轉彎的時候卻繼續直行, 我想是他錯過了。 我說:「你剛剛那邊應該轉彎。」 但感覺有點不太對勁。 現在回想,我納悶: 「為什麼我沒有留意當時的感覺?」
When he pulled over near the highway, that's when I got scared. But he told me to relax, that he liked me, and that nothing would happen unless I wanted it to. He was nice. I didn't say anything, because I was afraid he would get angry, and that things would get worse. I thought he might have a gun in the glove compartment. Suddenly, he jumped on me and tried to kiss me. I said no. I wanted to push him away, but he was holding my arms down. When I wriggled free, I tried to open the door, but it was locked. And even if I had gotten out, where would I have gone?
當他在高速公路附近靠邊停車時, 我感到害怕了。 但他叫我放輕鬆,說他喜歡我, 且什麼都不會發生,除非我想要。 他人很好。 我什麼都沒說, 因為我怕他會生氣, 情況就會變糟。 我猜想在手套置物箱中 可能會有把槍。 突然,他跳到我身上,試著親吻我。 我說不要,想把他推開, 但他壓制住我的手臂。 當我掙開時,我試著開門, 但門被鎖住了。 就算我能逃出去,我能往哪跑?
I told him he wasn't the kind of guy who needed to do that to be with a girl, and that I liked him, too, but not in that way. I tried to calm him down. I said nice things about him. I talked to him as if I were his older sister. Suddenly, he covered my mouth with one hand and with the other hand he unbuckled his belt. I thought right then he would kill me, strangle me, you know? I never felt so alone, like I had been kidnapped. I asked him to finish quickly and then take me home."
我告訴他,他不是需要 對女孩做那種事的那種男人, 且我也喜歡他, 但不是那種喜歡方式。 我試著安撫他, 對他說好話。 我跟他說話的方式, 就像我是他姐姐一樣。 突然,他用一隻手摀住了我的嘴巴, 用另一隻手解開了他的皮帶。 當下我以為他要殺我、 勒死我,你知道嗎? 我從來沒有感到那麼孤單過, 就像我被綁架了一樣。 我請他快點結束,然後送我回家。」
How did you feel listening to this story? Surely, several questions arose. For example: Why didn't she roll down the window and call for help? Why didn't she get out of the car when she felt something bad might happen? How could she ask him to take her home?
聽這個故事,你們的感覺如何? 當然,會想問許多問題。 比如:為什麼她不搖下窗戶求救? 為什麼她不在感覺有壞事 要發生時就快點下車? 她怎麼能讓他載她回家?
Now, when we hear this kind of story not on the news or from someone like me, presenting it on a stage like this -- when we're hearing it from someone we know who chose to entrust us with the story of what happened to them, we'll have to listen. And we'll hear things we won't be able to understand -- or accept. And then doubts, questions and suspicion will creep in. And that is going to make us feel really bad and guilty.
當我們聽到這種故事── 不是從新聞聽到, 不是從像我這樣 在台上演說的人聽到── 而是從認識的人那聽到這種故事, 而且她是因信得過我們才說出來的, 我們就得要傾聽。 我們會聽到一些無法理解 或無法接受的事。 接著,懷疑、問題、猜疑 都會在不知不覺中產生, 使我們感到很糟且很有罪惡感。
So to protect ourselves from the discomfort, we have an option. We turn up the volume on all the parts of the story that we expected to hear: a gun in the glove compartment, the locked doors, the isolated location. And we turn down the volume on all the parts of the story that we didn't expect to hear and that we don't want to hear; like when she tells him that she liked him, too, or when she tells us she spoke to him as if she were his older sister, or that she asked him to take her home.
為了避開這種不舒服, 我們有個選項, 我們會把故事中預期聽見的部份 通通給放大: 手套置物箱中的槍、 鎖上的門、偏遠的地點。 我們會把故事中 我們不預期聽見、 不想聽見的部份, 通通給縮小; 比如她告訴他說她也喜歡他、 她像姐姐般對他說話, 或是她請他送她回家。
Why do we do this? It's so we can believe her; so we can feel confident that she really was a victim. I call this "victimization of the victim." "Victimization," because in order to believe she's innocent, that she's a victim, we need to think of her as helpless, paralyzed, mute. But there's another way to avoid the discomfort. And it's exactly the opposite: we turn up the volume on the things we didn't expect to hear, such as "I spoke nicely to him," "I asked him to take me home," "I asked him to finish quickly," and we turn down the volume on the things we did expect to hear: the gun in the glove compartment, the isolation. Why do we do this? We do it so we can cling to the doubts and feel more comfortable about them.
為什麼我們要這樣做? 這樣我們才能相信她, 這樣我們才能確定她真的是受害者。 我稱之為「將受害者給受害者化」。 「受害者化」,為要相信她的無辜, 相信她是受害者, 我們得要想像她無助、 嚇得不能動彈、說不出話來。 但還有另一種方式可以避免不舒服, 是完全相反的方式: 我們會把故事中我們 不預期聽見的部份給放大, 比如:「我好好跟他說」、 「我請他送我回家」、 「我請他快點結束」, 然後把我們預期聽見的部份給縮小: 手套置物箱中的槍、 偏遠地區。 為什麼我們要這樣做? 這樣我們才能緊緊抓住懷疑, 才能漸漸不會對懷疑感到不舒服。
Then, new questions arise, for instance: Who told her go to those clubs? You saw how she and her friends were dressed, right? Those miniskirts, those necklines? What do you expect? Questions that aren't really questions, but rather, judgments -- judgments that end in a verdict: she asked for it. That finding would be verified by the fact that she didn't mention having struggled to avoid being raped. So that means she didn't resist. It means she consented. If she asked for it and allowed it, how are we calling it rape?
接著,就會有新問題出現,比如: 誰叫她去那些夜店的? 你看到她和她的朋友 怎麼穿的了,對吧? 那些迷你裙,那些領口? 你期望發生什麼事? 這些其實不是問題,而是論斷── 論斷最後會以一個裁決收場: 她自找的。 這個發現有事實可以背書, 她沒有提到她有掙扎或是被強暴。 那意味著她沒有抵抗。 那意味著她同意。 如果是她自找的,她允許事情發生, 我們怎麼能稱之為強暴?
I call this "blaming the victim." These arguments that serve us both to blame and to victimize, we all have them in our heads, at hand -- including victims and perpetrators. So much so, that when Ana came to me, she told me she didn't know if her testimony was going to be of any use, because she wasn't sure if what happened to her qualified as rape. Ana believed, like most of us, that rape is more like armed robbery -- a violent act that lasts 4 or 5 minutes -- and not smooth talking from a nice guy that lasts all night and ends in a kidnapping. When she felt afraid she might be killed, she was afraid to be left with scars, and she had to give her body to avoid it. That's when she knew that rape was something different.
我稱之為「怪罪受害者。」 「怪罪」或「受害者化」的論點, 在每個人的腦中、手上都有, 連受害者和行兇者也都有。 所以,當安娜來找我、告訴我, 她不知道她的證詞是否有用, 因為她不確定發生在她身上的事 是否算得上是強暴。 和我們大部份人一樣, 安娜也相信強暴比較像武裝搶劫, 是持續四或五分鐘的暴力行為, 而不是一個持續一整晚 說話很柔和的好人, 最終以綁架收場。 當她覺得很害怕會被殺死時, 她擔心會留下傷疤, 她得交出她的身體來避免這事發生。 那時,她就知道強暴是不同的。
Ana had never talked about this with anyone. She could have turned to her family, but she didn't. She didn't because she was afraid. She was afraid the person she'd choose to tell her story to would have the same reaction as the rest of us: they'd have doubts, suspicions; those same questions we always have when it comes to things like this. And if that had happened, it would have been worse, perhaps, than the rape itself. She could have talked to a friend or a sister. And with her partner, it would have been extremely difficult: the slightest hint of doubt on his face or in his voice would have been devastating for her and would have probably meant the end of their relationship. Ana keeps silent because deep down she knows that nobody -- none of us, not her family or therapists, let alone the police or judges -- are willing to hear what Ana actually did in that moment.
安娜從來沒有和任何人談過此事。 她可以向家人求助, 但她沒有, 原因是她害怕。 她害怕她傾訴的對象, 反應會和我們其他所有人一樣, 會懷疑、猜疑; 會有當聽到這類事情時 我們總是會問的那些問題。 如果真的是這樣, 那只會更糟,可能比強暴本身還糟。 她可以和朋友或是姐妹談。 若和她的另一半談會極度困難; 只要他的臉上或聲音中 有一點點懷疑的跡象, 對她就會是很大的傷害, 也可能會讓他們的關係結束。 安娜保持沉默, 因為她內心深處知道, 沒有人── 不論是我們、她的家人、治療師、 更不用說警察或法官── 沒有人願意聽 當時安娜到底做了什麼。
First and foremost, Ana said, "No." When she saw that her "no" didn't help, she spoke nicely to him. She tried not to exacerbate his violence or give him ideas. She talked to him as if everything that was happening were normal, so he wouldn't be thinking that she would turn him in later.
首先,也是最重要的, 安娜說了「不要」。 當她發現她的「不要」沒有用時, 她好好地跟他說。 她試著不要觸發他的暴力行為 或是讓他想歪。 她裝作一切正常地在跟他說話, 這樣他才不會認為她之後會告發他。
Now, I wonder and I ask all of you: All those things she did -- isn't that considered resisting? No. For all or at least most of us, it's not, probably because it's not "resisting" in the eyes of the law. In most countries, the laws still require that the victim prove her innocence -- that's right: the victim needs to prove her innocence -- by showing marks on her body as evidence that she engaged in a vigorous and continuous fight with her aggressor. I can assure you, in most court cases, no amount of marks is ever enough. I listened to many women's stories. And I didn't hear any of them talking about themselves as if they had been reduced to a thing, totally subjected to the will of the other. Rather, they sounded astonished and even a little proud looking back and thinking how clear-headed they had been at the time, of how much attention they paid to every detail, as if that would allow them to exert some control over what was happening.
我很納悶,我想問在座所有人: 所有她做的那些事不算抵抗嗎? 不算。 至少對大部份人而言,那不算, 因為從法律的角度來看 那不算是「抵抗」。 大部份國家的法律 仍然要求受害者證明她自己無辜。 沒錯,受害者得要證明自己無辜, 做法是展示身上的傷痕 當作是證據, 證明她曾奮力持續對抗攻擊她的人。 我向各位保證, 在大部份法庭案件中, 不論多少傷痕都不足夠。 我傾聽了許多女性的故事, 沒聽到任何一個在談論自己的時候, 像是已經被降格成一樣東西, 完全屈服於另一方的意圖。 反之,聽起來吃驚,甚至有些自豪, 她們事後回想 當時頭腦有多清楚, 有多麼注意到每個細節, 彷彿這麼做就能讓她們 多少控制住發生的事情。
Then I realized, of course -- what women are doing in these situations is negotiating. They're trading sex for life. They ask the aggressor to finish quickly, so everything is over as soon as possible and at the lowest cost. They subject themselves to penetration, because believe it or not, penetration is what keeps them furthest from a sexual or emotional scenario. They subject themselves to penetration, because penetration is less painful than kisses, caresses and gentle words.
接著,我了解到, 當然 在這類情況下, 女性是在談判協商, 用性來換性命。 她們要求性侵者快點完事, 這樣才會快點落幕, 把成本降到最低。 她們讓自己被侵入, 信不信由你, 是因為侵入最能讓她們遠離 性或是情緒的情境。 她們讓自己被侵入, 因為,相對於親吻、 愛撫或溫柔的話語, 侵入是比較不痛苦的。
Now, if we continue to expect rape to be what it very rarely is -- with the rapist as a depraved lower-class man and not a university student or a businessman who goes out chasing after girls on a Friday or Saturday; if we keep expecting the victims to be demure women who faint on the scene, and not self-confident women -- we will continue to be unable to listen. Women will continue to be unable to speak. And we will all continue to be responsible for that silence and their solitude.
如果我們繼續預期 強暴是那種實際上 不太可能發生的樣子, 強暴犯是頹廢的社會低層男性, 而不是在星期五或星期六 外出追求女孩的 大學生或是生意人; 如果我們持續預期受害者 都是在現場會昏倒的嫻靜女性, 而不是自信的女子── 那麼我們無法傾聽的情況將會持續。 女性無法說出來的情況將會持續。 而我們也將持續要為她們的沉默、 以及孤獨, 負起責任。
(Applause)
(掌聲)