There are about 5,000 women here today. Among us, 1,250 have been or will be sexually assaulted at some point in our lives. One in four. Only 10 percent will report it. The other 90 percent take refuge in silence -- half of them, because the incident involves a close family member or someone they know, and that makes it much more difficult to deal with and talk about. The other half don't talk about it because they fear they won’t be believed. And they're right -- because we don't.
今天到场的大概有 5000 位女性。 在我们这些女性里, 有 1250 名女性已经 或者将会在人生中的某个阶段遭受侵犯。 而在这四分之一的被性侵人数中, 只有百分之十的女性会讲出来。 而剩下百分之九十的女性 则会选择去沉默地逃避, 其中的一半是因为事件 牵扯到了一位亲密的家庭成员 或者一个她们认识的人, 所以她们觉得更难面对或者讲起。 另外一半的女性根本不会去谈论它, 是因为她们害怕没人会相信。 她们是对的——我们确实不信。
Today I want to share with you why I think we don't believe them. We don't believe them because when a woman tells what happened to her, she tells us things we can't imagine, things that disturb us, things we don't expect to hear, things that shock us. We expect to hear stories like this one: "Girl raped near the Mitre Railroad tracks. It happened at midnight as she was on her way home. She said that someone attacked her from behind, told her not to scream, said he had a gun and that she shouldn't move. He raped her and then fled the scene." When we hear or read a story like this, we immediately visualize it: the rapist, a depraved lower-class man. And the victim, a young, attractive woman. The image only lasts 10 or 20 seconds, and it's dark and two-dimensional; there's no movement, no sound; it's as if there were no people involved. But when a woman tells her story, it doesn't fit in 10 or 20 seconds.
今天我想和大家分享 为什么我觉得大家不会相信这些受害者。 我们不会相信她们 ,是因为当一位女性 讲述自己的经历的时候, 她讲述的事都是我们很难想象的, 会让我们感觉很不舒服, 也是我们不曾想听到的、 意料之外的事。 我们期待会听到的是: "一个少女在 Mitre 铁道的附近被强奸。 事件发生在午夜, 她正在回家的路上。 她说有人从后方袭击了她, 告诉她不许大喊, 说他有枪,并告诉她不要动。 他强奸了少女并逃离了现场。" 当我们听到或者读到 一则这样的故事的时候, 会马上开始想象现场的场景: 一个强奸犯,颓废的人渣。 还有一个受害者,年轻貌美的女性。 我们想象的场景只有 10 到 20 秒, 画面很黑,而且是二维的; 没有动作, 没有声音; 好像里面没有人参与。 但是当一个女性讲述自己经历的时候, 不可能在 10 到 20 秒内就讲完。
The following is the testimony of a woman I'll call "Ana." She's one of the 85 women I interviewed while conducting research on sexual assault. Ana told me: "I had gone with the girls in the office to the same pub we always go to. We met some guys, and I hooked up with this super cool guy; we talked a lot. Around 4am, I told my friends it was time to go. They wanted to stay. So, the guy asked me where I lived and said if it was OK with me, he'd drive me home. I agreed, and we left.
接下来要分享的是 一位我称为 "Ana" 的女性的证言。 她是我采访过的 85 位女性中的一位。 当时我在进行性侵犯的研究, Ana 告诉我: "我和办公室的姐妹们 一起去了我们经常去的酒吧。 认识了几个小伙子, 我和其中一个超酷的男生很合得来, 所以我们聊了很久。 大概凌晨 4 点, 我告诉姐妹们我们该走了, 但她们却想留下。 所以 ,那个男生问我住在哪, 说如果我同意,他可以载我回家。 我答应了,然后和他一起离开了酒吧。
At a stoplight, he told me he liked me and touched my leg. I don't like a guy to approach me that way, but he had been affectionate all night. I thought, 'I shouldn't be so paranoid. What if I say something but he didn't mean anything by it, and I offend him?' When he should have made a turn, he kept going straight. I thought he had made a mistake, and I said, 'You should have turned there.' But something felt off. Thinking back, I wonder, 'Why didn't I pay attention to what I was feeling?'
在等红绿灯的时候, 他说他很喜欢我,然后摸了我的腿。 我不喜欢男生这么靠近我, 但是他整晚都很热情, 我告诉自己 :"不用想太多, 如果我现在质疑他, 而他其实并没想干什么, 那我就冒犯了他。" 到该转弯的时候,他却一直往前开。 我以为他开错了,并告诉他: "你刚才应该转弯的。" 但是我感觉有点不对劲。 现在想起来,我也不知道 为什么当时没有听从自己的心声。
When he pulled over near the highway, that's when I got scared. But he told me to relax, that he liked me, and that nothing would happen unless I wanted it to. He was nice. I didn't say anything, because I was afraid he would get angry, and that things would get worse. I thought he might have a gun in the glove compartment. Suddenly, he jumped on me and tried to kiss me. I said no. I wanted to push him away, but he was holding my arms down. When I wriggled free, I tried to open the door, but it was locked. And even if I had gotten out, where would I have gone?
当他停在了高速路的旁边, 我才真的怕了。 但是他告诉我要放松, 说他很喜欢我, 并说如果我不愿意, 他是不会强迫我做什么的。 他的态度还挺好的。 我就什么也没说, 因为我很怕把他弄急了, 把情况搞得更糟。 万一他车里有枪怎么办。 突然,他扑到我身上,试图亲吻我。 我拒绝了,我想把他推开, 但是他狠狠按住我的胳膊。 我使劲挣脱了 ,想打开车门, 但是他已经把门锁了。 而且即使我下了车,又能去哪呢?
I told him he wasn't the kind of guy who needed to do that to be with a girl, and that I liked him, too, but not in that way. I tried to calm him down. I said nice things about him. I talked to him as if I were his older sister. Suddenly, he covered my mouth with one hand and with the other hand he unbuckled his belt. I thought right then he would kill me, strangle me, you know? I never felt so alone, like I had been kidnapped. I asked him to finish quickly and then take me home."
我告诉他 ,他不应该是 对女生能做出这种事的男生, 而且我也喜欢他, 但不代表他能做出这种举动。 我试着安抚他。 对他说好话。 我以姐姐的口吻和他讲话。 突然 ,他用一只手捂住了我的嘴, 用另一只手解开了腰带。 当时我还以为他想勒死我, 我从没有过这么孤独的时刻, 好像被人绑架。 我告诉他赶快完事,然后送我回家。”
How did you feel listening to this story? Surely, several questions arose. For example: Why didn't she roll down the window and call for help? Why didn't she get out of the car when she felt something bad might happen? How could she ask him to take her home?
听了这个故事你有什么感想? 肯定会有几个问题吧? 比如: 为什么她没有摇下车窗呼救? 为什么她觉得不对劲的时候 没有赶快下车? 为什么她让这个男的送她回家?
Now, when we hear this kind of story not on the news or from someone like me, presenting it on a stage like this -- when we're hearing it from someone we know who chose to entrust us with the story of what happened to them, we'll have to listen. And we'll hear things we won't be able to understand -- or accept. And then doubts, questions and suspicion will creep in. And that is going to make us feel really bad and guilty.
要注意的是,当我们从 像这样的非新闻途径听到这类故事时, 比如像我这样的演讲者在台上讲述时, 或者从我们认识的人那里听到时, 那些人因为相信我们 所以愿意分享她们的经历, 我们必须要聆听。 其中的有些内容我们也许不能理解 或接受。 之后困惑、问题和怀疑都会出现。 这让我们感觉很糟 ,很有负罪感。
So to protect ourselves from the discomfort, we have an option. We turn up the volume on all the parts of the story that we expected to hear: a gun in the glove compartment, the locked doors, the isolated location. And we turn down the volume on all the parts of the story that we didn't expect to hear and that we don't want to hear; like when she tells him that she liked him, too, or when she tells us she spoke to him as if she were his older sister, or that she asked him to take her home.
为了保护自己不受这种折磨。 我们有一个选择。 就是把注意力集中在故事中 我们希望听到的部分: 车里的枪 ,锁住的车门,偏远的地点。 我们试图去忽视故事中 我们不希望听到 和不想听到的部分; 比如她告诉男生她也喜欢他, 或者她告诉我们 她像姐姐一样和他交流, 或者她让他载她回家。
Why do we do this? It's so we can believe her; so we can feel confident that she really was a victim. I call this "victimization of the victim." "Victimization," because in order to believe she's innocent, that she's a victim, we need to think of her as helpless, paralyzed, mute. But there's another way to avoid the discomfort. And it's exactly the opposite: we turn up the volume on the things we didn't expect to hear, such as "I spoke nicely to him," "I asked him to take me home," "I asked him to finish quickly," and we turn down the volume on the things we did expect to hear: the gun in the glove compartment, the isolation. Why do we do this? We do it so we can cling to the doubts and feel more comfortable about them.
我们为什么要这样做呢? 这样我们才能相信她; 才能有信心地、真正地 把她当作受害者。 我称这个为 "受害者的受害化"。 称之为 "受害化" 的原因, 是为了相信她是无辜的, 她是受害者, 我们需要把她看成是无助, 软弱和沉默的人物。 但还有另一种方式可以避免不适感。 而且是完全相反的方式: 我们更多地去关注 那些我们不期望去听到的部分, 比如 “我友好地与他谈话,” “我请他送我回家,” 和 “我让他快点结束。” 然后我们忽视那些期望听到的东西: 在车中的枪, 和被隔离的状态。 我们为什么要这样做呢? 这样我们才能抓住这些怀疑, 才能开始慢慢理解。
Then, new questions arise, for instance: Who told her go to those clubs? You saw how she and her friends were dressed, right? Those miniskirts, those necklines? What do you expect? Questions that aren't really questions, but rather, judgments -- judgments that end in a verdict: she asked for it. That finding would be verified by the fact that she didn't mention having struggled to avoid being raped. So that means she didn't resist. It means she consented. If she asked for it and allowed it, how are we calling it rape?
然后新的问题会出现 ,比如: 谁让她去那些酒吧的? 你看到她和朋友们如何打扮了吧? 超短裙, 低胸上装? 不然还会是什么? 这样的疑问并不算是真正的问题, 而是对她们的评判, 这样的评判得出的结论是: 她自找的。 这样的结论是被事实证明的, 也就是她没有提到 自己在被强奸前有过挣扎。 也代表着在说她其实根本没抵抗。 她默认了恶行。 如果是她自找的, 并且同意了此行为, 我们怎么能称之为强奸呢?
I call this "blaming the victim." These arguments that serve us both to blame and to victimize, we all have them in our heads, at hand -- including victims and perpetrators. So much so, that when Ana came to me, she told me she didn't know if her testimony was going to be of any use, because she wasn't sure if what happened to her qualified as rape. Ana believed, like most of us, that rape is more like armed robbery -- a violent act that lasts 4 or 5 minutes -- and not smooth talking from a nice guy that lasts all night and ends in a kidnapping. When she felt afraid she might be killed, she was afraid to be left with scars, and she had to give her body to avoid it. That's when she knew that rape was something different.
我管这个叫 "受害者有罪论"。 这些让人们进行指责受害者的言论, 我们肯定都有想过, 包括受害者和侵害者自己也想过。 正因如此,当 Ana 来找我聊的时候, 她告诉我她不知道 自己的证词是不是会有用, 因为她不确定发生在她身上的事 算不算是强奸。 Ana 确信,正如我们大多数人一样, 强奸更应该像是武装抢劫—— 一种持续四五分钟的恶行, 而并不是和一个看上去不错的男生 整晚畅谈,然后变成一场绑架。 当她害怕自己可能会被杀害时, 她很害怕会落下伤痕, 所以必须放弃自己的身体。 也正是在这时, 她意识到强奸是不一样的。
Ana had never talked about this with anyone. She could have turned to her family, but she didn't. She didn't because she was afraid. She was afraid the person she'd choose to tell her story to would have the same reaction as the rest of us: they'd have doubts, suspicions; those same questions we always have when it comes to things like this. And if that had happened, it would have been worse, perhaps, than the rape itself. She could have talked to a friend or a sister. And with her partner, it would have been extremely difficult: the slightest hint of doubt on his face or in his voice would have been devastating for her and would have probably meant the end of their relationship. Ana keeps silent because deep down she knows that nobody -- none of us, not her family or therapists, let alone the police or judges -- are willing to hear what Ana actually did in that moment.
Ana 从没和任何人讲起这件事。 她本可以告诉自己的家人, 但她并没有, 因为她很害怕。 害怕不管她选择把这个故事讲给谁听, 人们都会有和我们相同的反应: 会充满困惑、怀疑; 会有在此类事情发生时 人们常有的那些问题。 当这样的事发生时, 事情可能会比强奸本身更糟。 她本来也可以选择告诉 自己的朋友或者姐妹。 若是有男友或丈夫的姑娘, 情况会非常糟: 男方脸上或者声音里有的丝毫疑虑 对于女方来说都是毁灭性的, 然后可能会造成他们感情的破裂。 Ana 保持了沉默, 因为在内心深处她知道: 没有人——我们中没有人, 包括她的家人和心理医生, 更不用说警察和法官—— 会希望听到 Ana 在那时 究竟做了什么。
First and foremost, Ana said, "No." When she saw that her "no" didn't help, she spoke nicely to him. She tried not to exacerbate his violence or give him ideas. She talked to him as if everything that was happening were normal, so he wouldn't be thinking that she would turn him in later.
首先,Ana 说了 “不”。 当她发现说 “不” , 并没有产生任何效果时, 她选择了友好地和他谈话。 她试图不去加剧他的暴力, 或者给他任何暗示。 她和他聊天就好像发生的 所有事情都是正常的一样, 这样他就不会觉得 她会在之后举报他。
Now, I wonder and I ask all of you: All those things she did -- isn't that considered resisting? No. For all or at least most of us, it's not, probably because it's not "resisting" in the eyes of the law. In most countries, the laws still require that the victim prove her innocence -- that's right: the victim needs to prove her innocence -- by showing marks on her body as evidence that she engaged in a vigorous and continuous fight with her aggressor. I can assure you, in most court cases, no amount of marks is ever enough. I listened to many women's stories. And I didn't hear any of them talking about themselves as if they had been reduced to a thing, totally subjected to the will of the other. Rather, they sounded astonished and even a little proud looking back and thinking how clear-headed they had been at the time, of how much attention they paid to every detail, as if that would allow them to exert some control over what was happening.
现在 ,我在想如果我问你们: 她所做的所有事情 难道不属于抵抗吗? 不是的。 对于所有或至少大多数人来说, 不属于。 或许这是因为从法律的 角度来看它不属于 “抵抗”。 在大多数的国家, 法律仍要求受害者证明她的无辜—— 这没错:受害者需要去证明她的无辜—— 通过去展示身上的伤痕 作为她被牵扯到了一个 与施暴者激烈而持续的打斗的证明。 我可以向你保证, 在大多数的案件中, 即使有一定数量的伤痕也是不够的。 我聆听过许多女人的故事。 并且我没有听过她们 任何一个人去谈论她们自己, 就好像她们被降格为了一件物品, 一件完全服从对方意志的物品。 相较来说,她们听起来很吃惊, 甚至有些自豪。 她们事后回想: 觉得她们当时的头脑 一直都保持着清醒, 有多么注意到了每个细节, 仿佛这么做就能让她们 多少控制住已经发生了的事情。
Then I realized, of course -- what women are doing in these situations is negotiating. They're trading sex for life. They ask the aggressor to finish quickly, so everything is over as soon as possible and at the lowest cost. They subject themselves to penetration, because believe it or not, penetration is what keeps them furthest from a sexual or emotional scenario. They subject themselves to penetration, because penetration is less painful than kisses, caresses and gentle words.
接着我意识到, 当然—— 女性在这类事件中所做的 就是去谈判妥协。 她们用性来交换性命。 她们请求侵犯者迅速地结束, 这样事情才能尽快结束, 把损害降到最低。 她们让自己的身体被侵入, 信不信由你, 被侵入让她们尽量得远离 性或者情感的场景。 她们让自己被侵入, 是因为相对于亲吻, 爱抚和温柔的话语, 侵入是比较不痛苦的。
Now, if we continue to expect rape to be what it very rarely is -- with the rapist as a depraved lower-class man and not a university student or a businessman who goes out chasing after girls on a Friday or Saturday; if we keep expecting the victims to be demure women who faint on the scene, and not self-confident women -- we will continue to be unable to listen. Women will continue to be unable to speak. And we will all continue to be responsible for that silence and their solitude.
现在,如果我们继续去认为 强暴是那种不太可能发生的事情, 强暴犯们都是社会底层的颓废男性, 而不是会在周五或周六的晚上 出门追求女性的大学生或商人; 如果我们继续认为受害者 都是会在现场昏倒的 拘谨懦弱的女性, 而不是自信的女人—— 那么我们无法倾听的情况 将会继续出现。 而女性无法将事情说出的情况 也将会继续存在。 而我们也将要继续为她们的沉默 以及孤独 负起责任。
(Applause)
(掌声)