I'd like to talk today about the two biggest social trends in the coming century, and perhaps in the next 10,000 years. But I want to start with my work on romantic love, because that's my most recent work. What I and my colleagues did was put 32 people, who were madly in love, into a functional MRI brain scanner. 17 who were madly in love and their love was accepted; and 15 who were madly in love and they had just been dumped. And so I want to tell you about that first, and then go on into where I think love is going.
Danes bi rada govorila o dveh največjih družbenih trendih prihajajočega stoletja in mogoče tudi naslednjih 10.000 let. Ampak začela bom s svojim delom o romantični ljubezni, ker sem se s tem nazadnje ukvarjala. Kar smo jaz in moji kolegi storili, je, da smo 32 noro zaljubljenih ljudi, slikali s funkcijskim MRI aparatom. 17, ki so bili noro zaljubljeni in jim je bila ljubezen vračana ter 15 tistih, ki so bili noro zaljubljeni in so bili pravkar zavrnjeni. In najprej bi vam rada povedala to, potem pa bi šla na to, kamor, mislim, da gre ljubezen.
(Laughter)
"What 'tis to love?" Shakespeare said. I think our ancestors -- I think human beings have been wondering about this question since they sat around their campfires or lay and watched the stars a million years ago. I started out by trying to figure out what romantic love was by looking at the last 45 years of the psychological research and as it turns out, there's a very specific group of things that happen when you fall in love. The first thing that happens is, a person begins to take on what I call, "special meaning." As a truck driver once said to me, "The world had a new center, and that center was Mary Anne."
"Kaj je to, ljubiti?" je vprašal Shakespeare. Mislim, da so se naši predniki - da se človeška bitja ukvarjajo s tem vprašanjem, odkar so sedeli okrog tabornih ognjev ali ležali in gledali zvezde milijon let nazaj. Začela sem tako, da sem poskusila ugotoviti, kaj je romantična ljubezen, tako da sem proučevala psihološke raziskave iz zadnjih 45 let. Izkazalo se je, da se zgodi zelo specifična množica stvari, ko se zaljubiš. Prva stvar, ki se zgodi, oseba začne prevzemati nekaj, čemur jaz pravim "poseben pomen". Enkrat mi je voznik tovornjaka dejal: "Svet je imel novo središče in to središče je bila Mary Anne."
George Bernard Shaw said it differently. "Love consists of overestimating the differences between one woman and another." And indeed, that's what we do.
George Bernard Shaw je to rekel nekoliko drugače. Rekel je: "Ljubezen je sestavljena iz precenjevanja razlik med eno žensko in neko drugo." In zares, to je, kar počnemo. (smeh)
(Laughter)
And then you just focus on this person. You can list what you don't like about them, but then you sweep that aside and focus on what you do. As Chaucer said, "Love is blind."
In potem se osredotočite samo na to osebo. Lahko naštejete tisto, kar vam ni všeč na njej, vendar potem to pometete na stran in se osredotočite na tisto, kar vam je. Kot je rekel Chaucer: "Ljubezen je slepa."
In trying to understand romantic love, I decided I would read poetry from all over the world, and I just want to give you one very short poem from eighth-century China, because it's an almost perfect example of a man who is focused totally on a particular woman. It's a little bit like when you are madly in love with somebody and you walk into a parking lot -- their car is different from every other car in the parking lot. Their wine glass at dinner is different from every other wine glass at the dinner party. And in this case, a man got hooked on a bamboo sleeping mat.
Da bi razumela romantično ljubezen, sem se odločila, da bom brala poezijo s celega sveta. Rada bi vam prebrala zelo kratko pesmico iz 8. stoletja s Kitajske, ker je skoraj odličen primer moškega, ki je osredotočen samo na določeno žensko. Kot takrat, ko ste noro zaljubljeni v neko osebo in hodite po parkirišču. Avtomobil od te osebe je drugačen od vseh drugih na parkirišču. Njen kozarec z vinom na večerji je drugačen od vseh drugih kozarcev. In v tem primeru se je moški zatreskal na bambusovi spalni podlogi.
And it goes like this. It's by a guy called Yuan Zhen. "I cannot bear to put away the bamboo sleeping mat. The night I brought you home, I watched you roll it out." He became hooked on a sleeping mat, probably because of elevated activity of dopamine in his brain, just like with you and me.
Gre pa tako. Napisal jo je Yuan Chen. "Ne morem prenesti, da bi pospravil bambusovo podlogo. Tisto noč, ko sem te pripeljal domov, sem te gledal, kako si jo razvila." Postal je zasvojen s spalno podlogo, najverjetneje zaradi povečane aktivnosti dopamina v njegovih možganih, tako kot pri vas ali pri meni.
But anyway, not only does this person take on special meaning, you focus your attention on them. You aggrandize them. But you have intense energy. As one Polynesian said, "I felt like jumping in the sky." You're up all night. You're walking till dawn. You feel intense elation when things are going well; mood swings into horrible despair when things are going poorly. Real dependence on this person. As one businessman in New York said to me, "Anything she liked, I liked." Simple. Romantic love is very simple.
Ne samo, da ta oseba prevzame poseben pomen, svojo pozornost osredotočite nanjo. Poveličujete jo. Imate neizmerno energijo Kot je rekel nek Polinezijec: "Počutil sem se, kot da skačem po zraku." Prebedite celo noč. Se sprehajate do zore. Občutite silno vznesenost, ko gredo stvari dobro, kar se pretvori v strašen obup, ko gredo stvari slabo. Prava odvisnost od te osebe. Kot mi je rekel nek podjetnik v New Yorku: "Karkoli je bilo njej všeč, je bilo tudi meni." Enostavno. Romantična ljubezen je zelo enostavna.
You become extremely sexually possessive. You know, if you're just sleeping with somebody casually, you don't really care if they're sleeping with somebody else. But the moment you fall in love, you become extremely sexually possessive of them. I think there's a Darwinian purpose to this. The whole point of this is to pull two people together strongly enough to begin to rear babies as a team.
Postanete skrajno seksualno posesivni. Ko spite z nekom brez obvez, vas niti ne briga, če oni spijo z drugimi. Ampak v trenutku, ko se zaljubite, postanete skrajno seksualno posesivni do njih. Mislim, da je tu darvinističen razlog. Cilj je, da se dva človeka povežeta skupaj zadosti močno, da začneta kot ekipa vzgajati otroke.
But the main characteristics of romantic love are craving: an intense craving to be with a particular person, not just sexually, but emotionally. It would be nice to go to bed with them, but you want them to call you on the telephone, to invite you out, etc., to tell you that they love you. The other main characteristic is motivation. The motor in the brain begins to crank, and you want this person.
Ampak glavna značilnost romantične ljubezni je hrepenenje: močno hrepenenje, da bomo s to osebo, ne samo seksualno, ampak tudi čustveno. Lepo bi bilo iti v posteljo s to osebo, vendar si želite, da bi vas klicala po telefonu, da vas povabi ven itd. Da vam pove, da vas ljubi. Druga glavna značilnost je motivacija. Motor v vaših možganih se prižge in vi želite to osebo.
And last but not least, it is an obsession. Before I put these people in the MRI machine, I would ask them all kinds of questions. But my most important question was always the same. It was: "What percentage of the day and night do you think about this person?" And indeed, they would say, "All day. All night. I can never stop thinking about him or her."
In na koncu, še ena od glavnih značilnosti je obsesija. Predno sem te ljudi dala v MRI aparat, sem jim zastavila različna vprašanja. Moje najpomembnejše vprašanje je bilo vedno enako. Bilo je: "Koliko odstotkov dneva in noči mislite na to osebo?" In res so odgovorili: "Ves dan. Vso noč. Ne morem nehati razmišljati o njem/njej."
And then, the very last question -- I would always have to work myself up to this question, because I'm not a psychologist. I don't work with people in any kind of traumatic situation. My final question was always the same. I would say, "Would you die for him or her?" And, indeed, these people would say "Yes!" as if I had asked them to pass the salt. I was just staggered by it.
In nato, zadnje vprašanje, ki sem jim ga postavila-- vedno sem se morala prisiliti, da sem jih to vprašala, ker nisem psihologinja. Ne delam z ljudmi, ki so doživeli kakršnokoli travmatsko situacijo. In moje zadnje vprašanje je bilo vedno enako. Vprašala sem jih: "Bi umrli zanj/zanjo?" Ti ljudje so rekli: "Ja!" kot bi jih prosila, če mi podajo sol. Bila sem preprosto osupla.
So we scanned their brains, looking at a photograph of their sweetheart and looking at a neutral photograph, with a distraction task in between. So we could look at the same brain when it was in that heightened state and when it was in a resting state. And we found activity in a lot of brain regions. In fact, one of the most important was a brain region that becomes active when you feel the rush of cocaine. And indeed, that's exactly what happens.
Skenirali smo jim možgane, medtem ko so gledali fotografijo njihovih najdražjih in neko nevtralno fotografijo z neko motečo nalogo vmes. Tako, da smo lahko pogledali v možgane, ko so bili v zbujenem stanju in ko so bili v fazi odmora. Tako smo našli aktivnost v veliko možganskih regijah. Ena izmed najpomembnejših je bila regija, ki se drugače aktivira pri uživanju kokaina. In zares, ravno to se dogaja.
I began to realize that romantic love is not an emotion. In fact, I had always thought it was a series of emotions, from very high to very low. But actually, it's a drive. It comes from the motor of the mind, the wanting part of the mind, the craving part of the mind. The kind of part of the mind when you're reaching for that piece of chocolate, when you want to win that promotion at work. The motor of the brain. It's a drive.
Začela sem doumevati, da romantična ljubezen ni čustvo. Pravzaprav sem vedno mislila, da je niz čustev, od najbolj pozitivnih do najbolj negativnih. Pravzaprav je ljubezen nagon. Izhaja iz umskega motorja, hotečega dela, hrepenečega dela uma. Tisti del uma, kot takrat, ko posežete po tistem koščku čokolade, ko želite dobiti tisto napredovanje pri delu. Motor možganov. Ljubezen je sla.
And in fact, I think it's more powerful than the sex drive. You know, if you ask somebody to go to bed with you, and they say, "No, thank you," you certainly don't kill yourself or slip into a clinical depression. But certainly, around the world, people who are rejected in love will kill for it. People live for love. They kill for love. They die for love. They have songs, poems, novels, sculptures, paintings, myths, legends. In over 175 societies, people have left their evidence of this powerful brain system. I have come to think it's one of the most powerful brain systems on Earth for both great joy and great sorrow.
Mislim, da je močnejša od spolne sle. Če vprašate nekoga, če gre v posteljo z vami, in ta oseba reče: "Ne, hvala," se zagotovo ne ubijete ali zapadete v klinično depresijo. Ampak zagotovo bi ljudje po celem svetu, ki so zavrnjeni v ljubezni, ubijali zanjo. Ljudje živijo za ljubezen. Ubijajo za ljubezen. Umirajo za ljubezen. Imajo pesmi, poezijo, romane, kipe, slike, mite, legende. V preko 175 družbah so ljudje pustili dokaze o tem močnem možganskem sistemu. Začenjam razmišljati, da je eden izmed najmočnejših možganskih sistemov na svetu tako za ogromno veselje kot ogromno žalost. In sem tudi začela razmišljati, da je eden od treh,
And I've also come to think that it's one of three basically different brain systems that evolved from mating and reproduction. One is the sex drive: the craving for sexual gratification. W.H. Auden called it an "intolerable neural itch," and indeed, that's what it is. It keeps bothering you a little bit, like being hungry. The second of these three brain systems is romantic love: that elation, obsession of early love. And the third brain system is attachment: that sense of calm and security you can feel for a long-term partner.
v osnovi različnih možganskih sistemov, ki so se razvili zaradi iskanja partnerja in razmnoževanja. Prvi je spolna sla: hrepenenje po seksualnem zadovoljenju. W.H. Auden ga je poimenoval "neznosna živčna srbečica," in res je prav to. Neprestano vas po malem nadleguje, kot da bi bili lačni. Drugi od teh treh možganskih sistemov je romantična ljubezen: tista vznesenost, obsedenost na začetku ljubezni. In tretji možganski sistem je navezanost: tisti občutek miru in varnosti, ki ga čutite ob dolgoročnem partnerju.
And I think that the sex drive evolved to get you out there, looking for a whole range of partners. You can feel it when you're just driving along in your car. It can be focused on nobody. I think romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy on just one individual at a time, thereby conserving mating time and energy. And I think that attachment, the third brain system, evolved to enable you to tolerate this human being at least long enough to raise a child together as a team. So with that preamble, I want to go into discussing the two most profound social trends. One of the last 10,000 years and the other, certainly of the last 25 years, that are going to have an impact on these three different brain systems: lust, romantic love and deep attachment to a partner.
Mislim, da se je spolna sla razvila, da bi vas poslala v iskanje med široko izbiro partnerjev. Saj veste, lahko jo čutite že, ko se samo vozite v avtomobilu. Lahko se osredotočite na neznanca. Mislim, da se je romantična ljubezen razvila, da bi vam omogočila usmeriti paritveno energijo na samo eno osebo naenkrat, in tako omogočila ohranitev časa in energije za parjenje. In mislim, da se je navezanost kot tretji možganski sistem razvila z namenom, da zdržite s to osebo (smeh) vsaj toliko časa, da skupaj, kot ekipa, vzgojite otroka. Torej po tem uvodu želim razpravljati o dveh ključnih družbenih trendih. O enem, ki traja zadnjih 10.000 let, in o drugem, ki traja vsaj 25 let. Trenda bosta imela močan vpliv na te tri različne možganske sisteme: na poželenje, romantično ljubezen in globoko navezanost na partnerja.
The first is women working, moving into the workforce. I've looked at 130 societies through the demographic yearbooks of the United Nations. Everywhere in the world, 129 out of 130 of them, women are not only moving into the job market -- sometimes very, very slowly, but they are moving into the job market -- and they are very slowly closing that gap between men and women in terms of economic power, health and education. It's very slow.
Prvi trend so zaposlene ženske, ki so del delovne sile. Skozi demografska letna poročila Združenih narodov sem pregledala 130 družb. In povsod po svetu, v 129 od 130 družb, ženske ne samo, da prihajajo na trg delovne sile, včasih zelo, zelo počasi, vendar se pomikajo na trg delovne sile -- ampak tudi zelo počasi zapirajo vrzel med moškimi in ženskami na področju ekonomske moči, zdravstva in izobraževanja. To se dogaja zelo počasi.
For every trend on this planet, there's a counter-trend. We all know of them, but nevertheless -- the Arabs say, "The dogs may bark, but the caravan moves on." And, indeed, that caravan is moving on. Women are moving back into the job market. And I say back into the job market, because this is not new. For millions of years, on the grasslands of Africa, women commuted to work to gather their vegetables. They came home with 60 to 80 percent of the evening meal. The double income family was the standard. And women were regarded as just as economically, socially and sexually powerful as men. In short, we're really moving forward to the past.
Za vsak trend na tem planetu obstaja tudi nasprotni trend. Vsi vemo zanje, ampak vseeno -- kot pravi arabski pregovor: "Psi lahko lajajo, ampak karavana gre naprej." Karavana gre res naprej. Ženske prihajajo nazaj na trg delovne sile. In pravim nazaj, ker to ni nekaj novega. Nekaj milijonov let v afriških savanah so ženske odhajale na delo, da bi nabrale zelenjavo. Domov so prišle s 60 do 80 odstotki večernega obroka. Družinski dvojni prihodek je bil standard. In ženske so bile obravnavane kot ekonomsko, družbeno in seksualno enako močne kot moški. Na kratko, res se premikamo naprej v preteklost.
Then, women's worst invention was the plow. With the beginning of plow agriculture, men's roles became extremely powerful. Women lost their ancient jobs as collectors, but then with the industrial revolution and the post-industrial revolution they're moving back into the job market. In short, they are acquiring the status that they had a million years ago, 10,000 years ago, 100,000 years ago. We are seeing now one of the most remarkable traditions in the history of the human animal. And it's going to have an impact.
Takrat je bil ženski najslabši izum plug. Z začetkom poljedelstva z uporabo pluga je vloga moškega postala izredno močna. Ženske so izgubile svoja starodavna dela kot zbiralke, z industrijsko in postindustrijsko revolucijo pa se vračajo nazaj na trg delovne sile. Na kratko, ponovno pridobivajo status, ki so ga imele milijon let nazaj, 10.000 let nazaj, 100.000 let nazaj. Sedaj smo priče eni izmed najbolj izrednih tradicij v zgodovini človeške živali. In imela bo vpliv.
I generally give a whole lecture on the impact of women on the business community. I'll say just a couple of things, and then go on to sex and love. There's a lot of gender differences; anybody who thinks men and women are alike simply never had a boy and a girl child. I don't know why they want to think that men and women are alike. There's much we have in common, but there's a whole lot that we do not have in common.
Ponavadi imam celo predavanje o vplivu žensk na poslovno družbo. Povedala bom samo par stvari, potem pa se vrnila k seksu in ljubezni. Med spoloma je veliko razlik; vsak, ki misli, da smo moški in ženske enaki, ni nikoli imel sina in hčerke. Ne vem, zakaj si želijo misliti, da smo moški in ženske enaki. Veliko imamo skupnega, vendar je veliko več tistega, v čemer se razlikujemo.
We are -- in the words of Ted Hughes, "I think that we are like two feet. We need each other to get ahead." But we did not evolve to have the same brain. And we're finding more and more gender differences in the brain. I'll only just use a couple and then move on to sex and love. One of them is women's verbal ability. Women can talk.
Smo -- z besedami Teda Hughesa, "Smo kot dve stopali. Potrebujemo eden drugega, da gremo naprej." Ampak nismo šli skozi evolucijo, da bi imeli enake možgane. Odkrivamo vedno več razlik v možganih med obema spoloma. Povedala bom le par razlik, nato pa se vrnila k seksu in ljubezni. Ena je ženska govorna sposobnost. Ženske znajo govoriti.
Women's ability to find the right word rapidly, basic articulation goes up in the middle of the menstrual cycle, when estrogen levels peak. But even at menstruation, they're better than the average man. Women can talk. They've been doing it for a million years; words were women's tools. They held that baby in front of their face, cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words. And, indeed, they're becoming a very powerful force.
Ženska sposobnost, da najdejo pravo besedo hitro, osnovna artikulacija se pojavi v sredini menstrualnega cikla, ko so najvišje vrednosti estrogena. Ampak tudi med menstruacijo so boljše kot povprečni moški. Ženske znajo govoriti. To so počele milijone let; besede so žensko orodje. Držale so otroka pred svojim obrazom, ga nagovarjale, ga grajale, ga učile z besedami. In zares, postajajo zelo močna sila.
Even in places like India and Japan, where women are not moving rapidly into the regular job market, they're moving into journalism. And I think that the television is like the global campfire. We sit around it and it shapes our minds. Almost always, when I'm on TV, the producer who calls me, who negotiates what we're going to say, is a woman. In fact, Solzhenitsyn once said, "To have a great writer is to have another government."
Tudi v krajih, kot sta Indija in Japonska, kjer se ženske ne premikajo hitro na reden trg delovne sile, pomikajo se v novinarstvo. Televizija je kot globalni taborni ogenj. Sedimo okrog nje in nam oblikuje um. Skoraj vedno, ko sem na TV, producent, ki me pokliče, ki se pogaja, kaj bomo povedali, je ženska. Solženicin je enkrat rekel: "Imeti velikega pisatelja je imeti drugo vlado." Danes je v Ameriki 54 odstotkov pisateljev žensk.
Today 54 percent of people who are writers in America are women. It's one of many, many characteristics that women have that they will bring into the job market. They've got incredible people skills, negotiating skills. They're highly imaginative. We now know the brain circuitry of imagination, of long-term planning. They tend to be web thinkers. Because the female parts of the brain are better connected, they tend to collect more pieces of data when they think, put them into more complex patterns, see more options and outcomes. They tend to be contextual, holistic thinkers, what I call web thinkers.
Je ena od mnogih značilnosti, ki jih imajo ženske in ki jih bodo prinesle na trg delovne sile. Znajo delati z ljudmi, imajo neverjetne sposobnosti pregovarjanja. So zelo domiselne. Sedaj poznamo možganske povezave za domiselnost, dolgoročno planiranje. So nagnjene k temu, da so mrežni misleci. Deli ženskih možganov so bolje povezani, ženske ponavadi zberejo več podatkov, ko mislijo, jih povežejo v bolj zapletene vzorce, vidijo več možnosti in rezultatov. Poiščejo vsebino, so bolj celostni misleci, kar imenujem mrežni misleci.
Men tend to -- and these are averages -- tend to get rid of what they regard as extraneous, focus on what they do, and move in a more step-by-step thinking pattern. They're both perfectly good ways of thinking. We need both of them to get ahead. In fact, there's many more male geniuses in the world. And there's also many more male idiots in the world.
Moški so nagnjeni v povprečju k temu, da se znebijo tistega, kar imajo za nenavadno, osredotočijo se na tisto, kar počnejo in razmišljajo korak za korakom. Oba načina mišljenja sta dobra. Potrebujemo oba, da gremo naprej. Pravzaprav je več moških genijev na svetu. Je tudi veliko več moških idiotov na svetu. (smeh)
(Laughter)
Ko moški možgani delajo dobro, delajo izredno dobro.
When the male brain works well, it works extremely well. And what I really think that we're doing is, we're moving towards a collaborative society, a society in which the talents of both men and women are becoming understood and valued and employed.
Prepričana sem, da se pomikamo v smer sodelujoče družbe, k družbi, kjer postajajo talenti obeh spolov razumljeni, cenjeni in zaposleni.
But in fact, women moving into the job market is having a huge impact on sex and romance and family life. Foremost, women are starting to express their sexuality. I'm always astonished when people come to me and say, "Why is it that men are so adulterous?" "Why do you think more men are adulterous than women?" "Well, men are more adulterous!" And I say, "Who do you think these men are sleeping with?"
Dejstvo pa je, da ima pomik žensk na trg delovne sile ogromen vpliv na seks in romantiko in družinsko življenje. Ženske so končno začele izražati svojo seksualnost. Vedno sem presenečena, ko me ljudje vprašajo: "Zakaj moški bolj varajo?" Vprašam jih: "Zakaj mislite, da vara več moških kot žensk?" "Ja, no, moški bolj varajo!" Vprašam jih: " S kom pa mislite, da ti moški spijo?"
(Laughter)
In -- osnovna matematika! (smeh)
And -- basic math!
Kakorkoli že.
Anyway. In the Western world, women start sooner at sex, have more partners, express less remorse for the partners that they do, marry later, have fewer children, leave bad marriages in order to get good ones. We are seeing the rise of female sexual expression. And, indeed, once again we're moving forward to the kind of sexual expression that we probably saw on the grasslands of Africa a million years ago, because this is the kind of sexual expression that we see in hunting and gathering societies today.
V zahodnem svetu, punčke-- ženske imajo spolne odnose bolj zgodaj, imajo več partnerjev, so manj usmiljene do partnerjev, se pozneje poročajo, imajo manj otrok, zapustijo slabe zakone, da bi dobile boljše. Smo priče dvigu ženskega seksualnega izražanja. Ponovno se približujemo tisti obliki seksualnega izražanja, ki smo jo verjetno videli v savanah Afrike milijon let nazaj, ker je to oblika seksualnega izražanja, ki jo vidimo v lovsko-nabiralnih družbah danes.
We're also returning to an ancient form of marriage equality. They're now saying that the 21st century is going to be the century of what they call the "symmetrical marriage," or the "pure marriage," or the "companionate marriage." This is a marriage between equals, moving forward to a pattern that is highly compatible with the ancient human spirit.
Prav tako se vračamo k starodavni obliki enakosti v zakonski zvezi. Sedaj govorijo, da bo 21. stoletje stoletje "simetričnega zakona", kot so to poimenovali, ali "čistega zakona" ali "sopotniškega zakona". To je zakonska zveza med enakimi, ki napreduje k vzorcu, ki je zelo skladen s starodavnim človeškim duhom.
We're also seeing a rise of romantic love. 91 percent of American women and 86 percent of American men would not marry somebody who had every single quality they were looking for in a partner, if they were not in love with that person. People around the world, in a study of 37 societies, want to be in love with the person that they marry. Indeed, arranged marriages are on their way off this braid of human life.
Vidimo tudi dvig romantične ljubezni. 91 odstotkov Američank in 86 odstotkov Američanov se ne bi poročilo z nekom, ki bi imel vse lastnosti, ki jih iščejo v partnerju, če ne bi bili zaljubljeni v to osebo. Ljudje s celega sveta, v študiji 37 družb, hočejo biti zaljubljeni v osebo, s katero se poročijo. Dogovorjeni zakoni izginjajo iz človeškega življenja.
I even think that marriages might even become more stable because of the second great world trend. The first one being women moving into the job market, the second one being the aging world population. They're now saying that in America, that middle age should be regarded as up to age 85. Because in that highest age category of 76 to 85, as much as 40 percent of people have nothing really wrong with them. So we're seeing there's a real extension of middle age.
Sem mnenja, da so zakoni lahko celo bolj stabilni zaradi drugega velikega svetovnega trenda. Prvi je ta, da se ženske pomikajo na trg delovne sile, drugi pa je staranje svetovnega prebivalstva. Pravijo, da bi se v Ameriki srednja leta štela do 85. leta. Zaradi tega, ker v najvišji starostni kategoriji med 76. in 85. letom, kar 40 odstotkov ljudi nima težav. Kar vidimo tukaj, je resna razširitev srednje dobe.
For one of my books, I looked at divorce data in 58 societies. And as it turns out, the older you get, the less likely you are to divorce. So the divorce rate right now is stable in America, and it's actually beginning to decline. It may decline some more. I would even say that with Viagra, estrogen replacement, hip replacements and the incredibly interesting women -- women have never been as interesting as they are now. Not at any time on this planet have women been so educated, so interesting, so capable. And so I honestly think that if there really was ever a time in human evolution when we have the opportunity to make good marriages, that time is now.
Za eno od svojih knjig sem pregledala podatke o ločitvah v 58 družbah. Izkazalo se je, da starejši kot ste, manj verjetno je, da se boste ločili. Tako je današnja stopnja ločitev v Ameriki stabilna in se pravzaprav začenja spuščati. Lahko se bo še spustila. Lahko celo rečem, da z viagro, nadomestno terapijo z estrogenom, menjavami kolkov in neverjetno zanimivimi ženskami -- ženske niso še nikoli bile tako zanimive, kot so sedaj. Še nikoli na tem planetu niso bile ženske tako izobražene, zanimive, sposobne. Resnično mislim, da če obstaja čas v človeški evoluciji, da ustvarimo dobre zakonske zveze, potem je ta čas zdaj.
However, there's always kinds of complications in this. These three brain systems -- lust, romantic love and attachment -- don't always go together. They can go together, by the way. That's why casual sex isn't so casual. With orgasm you get a spike of dopamine. Dopamine's associated with romantic love, and you can just fall in love with somebody who you're just having casual sex with. With orgasm, then you get a real rush of oxytocin and vasopressin -- those are associated with attachment. This is why you can feel such a sense of cosmic union with somebody after you've made love to them.
Kakorkoli, pri tem so vedno obstajale težave. Ti trije možganski sistemi: poželenje, romantična ljubezen in navezanost, ne gredo vedno skupaj. Pravzaprav lahko gredo skupaj. Zato seks brez obveznosti ni tako neobvezujoč. Z orgazmom dobite porast dopamina. Dopamin je povezan z romantično ljubeznijo in lahko se zaljubite v osebo, s katero ste pravkar imeli neobvezujoč seks. Z orgazmom pride do pravega navala oksitocina in vazopresina -- oba sta povezana z navezanostjo. Zato imate lahko občutek kozmične povezanosti z nekom po tem, ko ste se ljubili z njim. Ampak ti trije možganski sistemi: poželenje, romantična ljubezen in navezanost,
But these three brain systems: lust, romantic love and attachment, aren't always connected to each other. You can feel deep attachment to a long-term partner while you feel intense romantic love for somebody else, while you feel the sex drive for people unrelated to these other partners. In short, we're capable of loving more than one person at a time. In fact, you can lie in bed at night and swing from deep feelings of attachment for one person to deep feelings of romantic love for somebody else. It's as if there's a committee meeting going on in your head as you are trying to decide what to do. So I don't think, honestly, we're an animal that was built to be happy; we are an animal that was built to reproduce. I think the happiness we find, we make. And I think, however, we can make good relationships with each other.
niso vedno povezani med sabo. Lahko čutite globoko navezanost na dolgoročnega partnerja, medtem ko čutite intenzivno romantično ljubezen do nekoga drugega, medtem ko čutite spolno slo do ljudi, ki niso povezani s temi partnerji. Na kratko, sposobni smo ljubiti več kot eno osebo naenkrat. Zvečer lahko ležite v postelji in menjavate globoko navezanost na eno osebo z globoko romantično ljubeznijo do druge osebe. To je, kot da bi imeli v glavi sestanek upravnega odbora, ko se odločate, kaj narediti. Iskreno povedano, ne mislim, da smo žival, ki je bila narejena, da je srečna; smo žival, ki je bila narejena za razmnoževanje. Mislim, da srečo, ki najdemo, naredimo sami. Mislim, da vendarle lahko zgradimo dobre medsebojne odnose.
So I want to conclude with two things. I want to conclude with a worry, and with a wonderful story. The worry is about antidepressants. Over 100 million prescriptions of antidepressants are written every year in the United States. And these drugs are going generic. They are seeping around the world. I know one girl who's been on these antidepressants, SSRIs, serotonin-enhancing antidepressants -- since she was 13. She's 23. She's been on them ever since she was 13.
Rada bi zaključila z dvema stvarema. Rada bi zaključila s zaskrbljenostjo. Zaskrbljena sem - in s čudovito zgodbo. Skrbi me zaradi antidepresivov. Vsako leto je v ZDA napisanih preko 100 milijonov receptov za antidepresive. In ta zdravila postajajo generična. Širijo se po svetu. Poznam dekle, ki je bilo na antidepresivih, za povišanje serotonina -- SSRI-antidepresivi za zvišanje vrednosti serotonina - od 13. leta. Ima 23 let. Jemlje jih, odkar je imela 13 let.
I've got nothing against people who take them short term, when they're going through something horrible. They want to commit suicide or kill somebody else. I would recommend it. But more and more people in the United States are taking them long term. And indeed, what these drugs do is raise levels of serotonin. And by raising levels of serotonin, you suppress the dopamine circuit. Everybody knows that. Dopamine is associated with romantic love. Not only do they suppress the dopamine circuit, but they kill the sex drive. And when you kill the sex drive, you kill orgasm. And when you kill orgasm, you kill that flood of drugs associated with attachment. The things are connected in the brain. And when you tamper with one brain system, you're going to tamper with another. I'm just simply saying that a world without love is a deadly place.
Nič nimam proti tistim, ki jih jemljejo kratek čas, ko gredo skozi nekaj zelo strašnega. Ko želijo ubiti sebe ali koga drugega. Takrat bi jih priporočila. Ampak vedno več ljudi v ZDA jih jemlje dolgoročno. Ta zdravila zvišajo raven serotonina. In z zvišanjem ravni serotonina se zavira dopaminski krog. Vsi vedo to. Dopamin je povezan z romantično ljubeznijo. Ne samo, da zavirajo dopaminski krog, ubijejo tudi spolno slo. In ko ubijete spolno slo, ubijete orgazem. In ko ubijete orgazem, ubijete tisto poplavo substanc, ki so povezane z navezanostjo. Stvari v možganih so povezane. In ko se vmešate v en možganski sistem, boste pomešali tudi drugega. Hočem povedati, da je svet brez ljubezni smrtonosen kraj.
So now --
Zato zdaj -- (aplavz) -- hvala.
(Applause)
Thank you.
Rada bi zaključila z zgodbo. In potem še komentar.
I want to end with a story. And then, just a comment. I've been studying romantic love and sex and attachment for 30 years. I'm an identical twin; I am interested in why we're all alike. Why you and I are alike, why the Iraqis and the Japanese and the Australian Aborigines and the people of the Amazon River are all alike. And about a year ago, an Internet dating service, Match.com, came to me and asked me if I would design a new dating site for them. I said, "I don't know anything about personality. You know? I don't know. Do you think you've got the right person?" They said, "Yes." It got me thinking about why it is that you fall in love with one person rather than another.
Romantično ljubezen, seks in navezanost preučujem že 30 let. Sem identični dvojček; zanima me, zakaj smo vsi enaki. Zakaj smo vi in jaz enaki, zakaj so Iračani in Japonci in avstralski Aborigini ter ljudstva Amazonke enaki. Pred kakšnim letom je do mene prišel spletni servis za zmenke Match.com in me vprašal, če bi zanj zasnovala novo stran za spoznavanje. Rekla sem: "Nič ne vem o osebnosti. Ne vem. Mislite, da ste dobili pravo osebo?" Rekli so: "Ja." Dalo mi je misliti, zakaj se v eno osebo zaljubimo raje kot v drugo. To je moj zdajšnji projekt; to bo moja naslednja knjiga.
That's my current project; it will be my next book. There's all kinds of reasons that you fall in love with one person rather than another. Timing is important. Proximity is important. Mystery is important. You fall in love with somebody who's somewhat mysterious, in part because mystery elevates dopamine in the brain, probably pushes you over that threshold to fall in love. You fall in love with somebody who fits within what I call your "love map," an unconscious list of traits that you build in childhood as you grow up. And I also think that you gravitate to certain people, actually, with somewhat complementary brain systems. And that's what I'm now contributing to this.
Veliko je razlogov, zakaj se v eno osebo zaljubite raje kot v drugo. Pomemben je čas. Bližina je pomembna. Skrivnostnost je pomembna. Zaljubite se v nekoga, ki je nekako skrivnosten, delno zaradi tega, ker skrivnostnost zviša dopamin v možganih, verjetno vas potisne čez prag za zaljubljenost. Zaljubite se v nekoga, ki ustreza nečemu, čemur pravim vaš "ljubezenski zemljevid", nezavedni seznam lastnosti, ki ga naredite v otroštvu, ko odraščate. In mislim, da tudi postanete -- privlačijo vas taki ljudje, s katerimi imate nekako skladne možganske sisteme. In to je moj zdajšnji doprinos.
But I want to tell you a story, to illustrate. I've been carrying on here about the biology of love. I wanted to show you a little bit about the culture of it, too, the magic of it. It's a story that was told to me by somebody who had heard it just from one -- probably a true story. It was a graduate student -- I'm at Rutgers and my two colleagues -- Art Aron is at SUNY Stony Brook. That's where we put our people in the MRI machine.
Ampak rada bi vam povedala zgodbo -- za ilustracijo. Stalno govorim o biologiji ljubezni. Želela bi vam pokazati tudi malo kulture, njeno čarobnost. To je zgodba, ki mi jo je povedal nekdo, ki jo je slišal od nekoga; verjetno resnična zgodba. Bil je študent na - jaz sem na Rutgers in moja dva kolega - Art Aaron je na SUNY Stonybrook. Tam slikamo ljudi z MRI.
And this graduate student was madly in love with another graduate student, and she was not in love with him. And they were all at a conference in Beijing. And he knew from our work that if you go and do something very novel with somebody, you can drive up the dopamine in the brain, and perhaps trigger this brain system for romantic love.
In ta študent je bil noro zaljubljen v drugo študentko, ampak ona ni bila zaljubljena vanj. Bili so na konferenci v Pekingu. Iz našega dela je vedel, da če naredite nekaj popolnoma novega z nekom, mu lahko zvišate dopamin v možganih. In mogoče zaženete možganski sistem za romantično ljubezen. (smeh)
(Laughter)
Tako se je odločil, da bo izkoristil znanost.
So he decided he'd put science to work. And he invited this girl to go off on a rickshaw ride with him.
Dekle je povabil na skupno vožnjo z rikšo.
And sure enough -- I've never been in one, but apparently they go all around the buses and the trucks and it's crazy and it's noisy and it's exciting. He figured that this would drive up the dopamine, and she'd fall in love with him. So off they go and she's squealing and squeezing him and laughing and having a wonderful time. An hour later they get down off of the rickshaw, and she throws her hands up and she says, "Wasn't that wonderful?" And, "Wasn't that rickshaw driver handsome!"
Jaz se nisem še nikoli peljala z rikšo, ampak zgleda, da gredo okrog avtobusov in tovornjakov, da je noro, glasno in razburljivo. Mislil je, da ji bo tako dvignil vrednost dopamina in se bo zaljubila vanj. Tako sta šla in ona je kričala, se stiskala, se smejala in uživala. Ko sta po eni uri stopila z rikše, je vrgla roke v zrak in rekla: "Kaj ni bilo čudovito?" in "Kako je bil ta voznik rikše čeden!"
(Laughter)
(smeh) (aplavz)
(Applause)
There's magic to love!
V ljubezni je čarovnija!
(Applause)
Končala pa bom z mislijo, da smo milijone let nazaj razvili tri osnovne sle:
But I will end by saying that millions of years ago, we evolved three basic drives: the sex drive, romantic love and attachment to a long-term partner. These circuits are deeply embedded in the human brain. They're going to survive as long as our species survives on what Shakespeare called "this mortal coil."
spolno slo, romantično ljubezen in navezanost na dolgoročnega partnerja. Ti sklopi so globoko vgrajeni v človeške možgane. Preživeli bodo toliko, kolikor bo preživela naša vrsta v "tem težkem življenju", kot je rekel Shakespeare.
Thank you.
Hvala. (aplavz)
Chris Anderson: Helen Fisher!
(Applause)