I'd like to talk today about the two biggest social trends in the coming century, and perhaps in the next 10,000 years. But I want to start with my work on romantic love, because that's my most recent work. What I and my colleagues did was put 32 people, who were madly in love, into a functional MRI brain scanner. 17 who were madly in love and their love was accepted; and 15 who were madly in love and they had just been dumped. And so I want to tell you about that first, and then go on into where I think love is going.
Danas želim govoriti o dva najvažnija socijalna trenda u nadolazećem stoljeću, i možda u sljedećih 10 000 godina. Ali želim započeti sa mojim radom o romantičnoj ljubavi, zato što je to zadnje što sam radila. Moje kolege i ja smo snimali 32 ljudi koji su bili ludo zaljubljeni, funkcijskom magnetskom rezonancom mozga: 17-oro koji su bili ludo zaljubljeni i njihova ljubav je bila uzvraćena i 15-oro ludo zaljubljenih koji su bili ostavljeni. I tako bih vam prvo pričala o tome a zatim o mom mišljenju u kojem smjeru ide ljubav.
(Laughter)
"What 'tis to love?" Shakespeare said. I think our ancestors -- I think human beings have been wondering about this question since they sat around their campfires or lay and watched the stars a million years ago. I started out by trying to figure out what romantic love was by looking at the last 45 years of the psychological research and as it turns out, there's a very specific group of things that happen when you fall in love. The first thing that happens is, a person begins to take on what I call, "special meaning." As a truck driver once said to me, "The world had a new center, and that center was Mary Anne."
Shakespeare je rekao: "Što znači voljeti?" Mislim da su naši preci - mislim da su ljudska bića postavljala ovo pitanje od kad su sjedili oko ognjišta ili dok su ležali i gledali zvijezde prije milijun godina. Počela sam tako što sam željela shvatiti što je to romantična ljubav proučavajući zadnjih 45 godina psiholoških istraživanja i pokazalo se kako se događaju vrlo specifične stvari kad se zaljubite. Prva stvar koja se dogodi je da osoba dobije nešto što zovem "posebno značenje". Kako mi je jednom rekao jedan vozač kamiona: "Svijet je dobio novi centar, i taj centar je bila Mary Anne".
George Bernard Shaw said it differently. "Love consists of overestimating the differences between one woman and another." And indeed, that's what we do.
George Bernard Shaw je to rekao malo drugačije: "Ljubav se sastoji o precjenjivanju razlika između jedne žene i neke druge." I zaista, upravo to radimo.
(Laughter)
And then you just focus on this person. You can list what you don't like about them, but then you sweep that aside and focus on what you do. As Chaucer said, "Love is blind."
Samo se usmjerite na tu osobu. Možete nabrojiti što ne volite kod njih, ali zatim to staviti na stranu i usredotočiti se na ono što volite. Kako je rekao Chaucer: "Ljubav je slijepa".
In trying to understand romantic love, I decided I would read poetry from all over the world, and I just want to give you one very short poem from eighth-century China, because it's an almost perfect example of a man who is focused totally on a particular woman. It's a little bit like when you are madly in love with somebody and you walk into a parking lot -- their car is different from every other car in the parking lot. Their wine glass at dinner is different from every other wine glass at the dinner party. And in this case, a man got hooked on a bamboo sleeping mat.
Pokušavajući razumjeti romantičnu ljubav, odlučila sam čitati poeziju iz cijelog svijeta, i želim vam pročitati jednu vrlo kratku kinesku poemu iz osmog stoljeća, jer je gotovo savršen primjer čovjeka potpuno usredotočenog na jednu ženu. Kao kad ste ludo zaljubljeni u nekoga i šetate po parkiralištu. Njihov automobil je drugačiji od svih drugih automobila na parkiralištu. Njihova čaša vina na večeri je drugačija od svih drugih čaša. U ovom slučaju, čovjek se zakačio na prostirku od bambusa.
And it goes like this. It's by a guy called Yuan Zhen. "I cannot bear to put away the bamboo sleeping mat. The night I brought you home, I watched you roll it out." He became hooked on a sleeping mat, probably because of elevated activity of dopamine in his brain, just like with you and me.
I ide ovako. Momak se zove Yuan Chen. "Ne mogu podnijeti da odložim bambusovu prostirku. One noći kad sam te donio kući, gledao sam te kako je odmotavaš." Navukao se na prostirku za spavanje, vjerojatno zbog pojačane aktivnosti dopamina u njegovom mozgu, kao kod vas ili kod mene.
But anyway, not only does this person take on special meaning, you focus your attention on them. You aggrandize them. But you have intense energy. As one Polynesian said, "I felt like jumping in the sky." You're up all night. You're walking till dawn. You feel intense elation when things are going well; mood swings into horrible despair when things are going poorly. Real dependence on this person. As one businessman in New York said to me, "Anything she liked, I liked." Simple. Romantic love is very simple.
No, ne samo da ova osoba dobiva posebno značenje već usmjeravate svoju pažnju na nju. Preuveličavate je. Imate silnu energiju. Kao što je jedan Polinežanin rekao: "Osjećam se kao da skačem u nebo". Budni ste cijelu noć. Šetate do zore. Osjećate jako uzbuđenje kada stvari idu dobro, što se pretvara u strašni očaj kada stvari idu loše. Prava ovisnost o toj osobi. Kao što mi je rekao jedan poslovni čovjek u New Yorku, "Sve što ona voli, volim i ja." Jednostavno. Romantična ljubav je vrlo jednostavna.
You become extremely sexually possessive. You know, if you're just sleeping with somebody casually, you don't really care if they're sleeping with somebody else. But the moment you fall in love, you become extremely sexually possessive of them. I think there's a Darwinian purpose to this. The whole point of this is to pull two people together strongly enough to begin to rear babies as a team.
Postanete iznimno seksualno posesivni. Znate, kad s nekim spavate bez obveze, zapravo vas nije briga ako oni spavaju s nekim drugim. Ali onog trenutka kad se zaljubite, postajete iznimno seksualno posesivni prema njima. Mislim da zato postoji darvinovska svrha. Cijeli smisao je da zbliži dvoje ljudi dovoljno snažno da kao tim začnu i odgajaju djecu.
But the main characteristics of romantic love are craving: an intense craving to be with a particular person, not just sexually, but emotionally. It would be nice to go to bed with them, but you want them to call you on the telephone, to invite you out, etc., to tell you that they love you. The other main characteristic is motivation. The motor in the brain begins to crank, and you want this person.
Ali glavne značajke romantične ljubavi su žudnje: snažna žudnja da budemo s tom osobom, ne samo seksualno, nego i emocionalno. Otići u krevet s tom osobom bi bilo dobro, ali želite i da vas nazove na telefon, da vas pozove vani, itd. Da vam kaže da vas voli. Sljedeća glavna značajka je motivacija. Motor u vašem mozgu se upali, i vi želite tu osobu.
And last but not least, it is an obsession. Before I put these people in the MRI machine, I would ask them all kinds of questions. But my most important question was always the same. It was: "What percentage of the day and night do you think about this person?" And indeed, they would say, "All day. All night. I can never stop thinking about him or her."
I na kraju, još jedna važna značajka je opsesija. Prije nego što stavim ove ljude u MRI uređaj, pitam ih različita pitanja. Ali najvažnije pitanje je uvijek bilo isto. Bilo je:" Koliki postotak dana i noći mislite na ovu osobu?" I stvarno bi odgovorili: "Cijeli dan i noć. Ne mogu prestati misliti na njega/nju."
And then, the very last question -- I would always have to work myself up to this question, because I'm not a psychologist. I don't work with people in any kind of traumatic situation. My final question was always the same. I would say, "Would you die for him or her?" And, indeed, these people would say "Yes!" as if I had asked them to pass the salt. I was just staggered by it.
I tada, posljednje pitanje koje bi ih pitala - uvijek bi se morala natjerati da postavim ovo pitanje jer nisam psiholog, ne radim s ljudima koji su doživjeli traumatske situacije - moje zadnje pitanje je bilo uvijek isto: "Da li bi umrli za njega/nju?" I stvarno, ovi ljudi bi rekli "Da!" kao da sam ih pitala da li mi mogu dodati sol. Bila sam zaista zapanjena.
So we scanned their brains, looking at a photograph of their sweetheart and looking at a neutral photograph, with a distraction task in between. So we could look at the same brain when it was in that heightened state and when it was in a resting state. And we found activity in a lot of brain regions. In fact, one of the most important was a brain region that becomes active when you feel the rush of cocaine. And indeed, that's exactly what happens.
Skenirali smo njihove mozgove dok su gledali u fotografiju svoje drage i dok bi gledali neutralnu fotografiju, uz distrakcijski zadatak između. Tako da smo mogli pogledati u mozak dok je bio u pobuđenom stanju i kad je bio u fazi odmora. I našli smo aktivnost u mnogim regijama mozga. U stvari, jedna od najvažnijih je bila regija mozga koja je inače aktivna kod uživanja kokaina. I zaista, točno se to događa.
I began to realize that romantic love is not an emotion. In fact, I had always thought it was a series of emotions, from very high to very low. But actually, it's a drive. It comes from the motor of the mind, the wanting part of the mind, the craving part of the mind. The kind of part of the mind when you're reaching for that piece of chocolate, when you want to win that promotion at work. The motor of the brain. It's a drive.
Počela sam shvaćati da romantična ljubav nije emocija. U stvari, uvijek sam mislila da je riječ o nizu emocija, od vrlo intenzivnih do vrlo slabih. Ali zapravo, riječ je o nagonu koji potječe od motora uma, žudećeg dijela uma. Onog dijela uma kao kad posegnete za komadom čokolade, kao kad želite napredovati na poslu. Motor mozga. To je nagon.
And in fact, I think it's more powerful than the sex drive. You know, if you ask somebody to go to bed with you, and they say, "No, thank you," you certainly don't kill yourself or slip into a clinical depression. But certainly, around the world, people who are rejected in love will kill for it. People live for love. They kill for love. They die for love. They have songs, poems, novels, sculptures, paintings, myths, legends. In over 175 societies, people have left their evidence of this powerful brain system. I have come to think it's one of the most powerful brain systems on Earth for both great joy and great sorrow.
I u stvari, mislim da je moćniji nego spolni nagon. Znate, kada pitate nekoga da ode u krevet s vama, i ta osoba kaže "Ne hvala", sigurno se ne ubijete ili upadnete u kliničku depresiju. Ali zasigurno, po cijelom svijetu, ljudi odbijeni u ljubavi izvršavaju samoubojstva. Ljudi žive za ljubav. Ubijaju za ljubav. Umiru za ljubav. Imaju svoje pjesme, poeziju, romane, skulpture, slike, mitove, legende. U preko 175 društava, ljudi su ostavili dokaze ovog moćnog moždanog sustava. Došla sam do mišljenja da je to jedan od najjačih moždanih sustava na zemlji za oboje, ogromnu radost i ogromnu tugu. Također sam shvatila da je riječ o jednom od tri,
And I've also come to think that it's one of three basically different brain systems that evolved from mating and reproduction. One is the sex drive: the craving for sexual gratification. W.H. Auden called it an "intolerable neural itch," and indeed, that's what it is. It keeps bothering you a little bit, like being hungry. The second of these three brain systems is romantic love: that elation, obsession of early love. And the third brain system is attachment: that sense of calm and security you can feel for a long-term partner.
u biti različita moždana sustava koji su evoluirali zbog pronalaska partnera i razmnožavanja. Prvi je seksualni nagon: koji teži spolnom zadovoljenju. W.H. Auden ga je nazvao "nepodnošljivim živčanim svrbežom", i stvarno, baš je takav. Stalno vas smeta, kao kad ste gladni. Drugi od ukupno tri sustava u mozgu je romantična ljubav: ona pobuda, opsesivnost na početku ljubavi. I treći moždani sustav je privrženost: osjećaj smiraja i sigurnosti koju osjećate za dugoročnog partnera.
And I think that the sex drive evolved to get you out there, looking for a whole range of partners. You can feel it when you're just driving along in your car. It can be focused on nobody. I think romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy on just one individual at a time, thereby conserving mating time and energy. And I think that attachment, the third brain system, evolved to enable you to tolerate this human being at least long enough to raise a child together as a team. So with that preamble, I want to go into discussing the two most profound social trends. One of the last 10,000 years and the other, certainly of the last 25 years, that are going to have an impact on these three different brain systems: lust, romantic love and deep attachment to a partner.
Mislim da je seksualni nagon evoluirao da vas potakne u potragu za širokim rasponom partnera. Znate, možete ga osjetiti i kad se samo vozite u automobilu. On se može usmjeriti na nekog. Mislim da je romantična ljubav evoluirala kako bi nam omogućila usmjeravanje energije na samo jednu osobu u određenom razdoblju, i na taj način sačuvala vrijeme i energiju za sparivanje. Mislim i da je privrženost, treći po redu moždani sustav, evoluiralo da možemo podnositi tu osobu bar toliko dugo da zajedno s njom odgojimo djecu. Nakon ovog uvoda, želim raspraviti dva ključna društvena trenda. Jedan koji traje 10 000 godina i drugi, koji traje bar zadnjih 25 godina, i koji će utjecati na ova tri moždana sustava: požuda, romantična ljubav i duboka privrženost partneru.
The first is women working, moving into the workforce. I've looked at 130 societies through the demographic yearbooks of the United Nations. Everywhere in the world, 129 out of 130 of them, women are not only moving into the job market -- sometimes very, very slowly, but they are moving into the job market -- and they are very slowly closing that gap between men and women in terms of economic power, health and education. It's very slow.
Prvi trend su zaposlene žene, žene postaju dio tržišta rada. Pregledala sam 130 društava kroz demografske godišnjake Ujedinjenih Naroda. I posvuda po svijetu, u 129 od 130 društava, žene ne samo da ulaze na tržište rada - ponegdje vrlo, vrlo sporo, ali ipak ulaze na tržište rada - nego i polako zatvaraju jaz između muškaraca i žena na području ekonomske moći, zdravlja i obrazovanja. To se događa vrlo polako.
For every trend on this planet, there's a counter-trend. We all know of them, but nevertheless -- the Arabs say, "The dogs may bark, but the caravan moves on." And, indeed, that caravan is moving on. Women are moving back into the job market. And I say back into the job market, because this is not new. For millions of years, on the grasslands of Africa, women commuted to work to gather their vegetables. They came home with 60 to 80 percent of the evening meal. The double income family was the standard. And women were regarded as just as economically, socially and sexually powerful as men. In short, we're really moving forward to the past.
Za svaki trend na ovom planetu postoji suprotni trend. Svi znamo za njih, ali ipak - kako kaže stara arapska poslovica "Psi laju, karavane prolaze." I zaista, ova karavana ide dalje. Žene ponovo izlaze na tržište rada. Kažem ponovno, zato što to nije novo. Milijunima godina, u afričkim savanama žene su odlazile na posao da sakupe povrće. Dolazile su kući sa 60 do 80% večernjeg obroka. Dvostruki prihod obitelji je bio standard. I žene su bile smatrane ekonomski, društveno i seksualno jednako moćne kao i muškarci. Ukratko, brzo se krećemo naprijed u prošlost.
Then, women's worst invention was the plow. With the beginning of plow agriculture, men's roles became extremely powerful. Women lost their ancient jobs as collectors, but then with the industrial revolution and the post-industrial revolution they're moving back into the job market. In short, they are acquiring the status that they had a million years ago, 10,000 years ago, 100,000 years ago. We are seeing now one of the most remarkable traditions in the history of the human animal. And it's going to have an impact.
Najgori ženin izum tada bio je plug. S početkom poljoprivrede temeljene na oranju, uloga muškarca postaje iznimno moćna. Žene su izgubile svoje drevni posao skupljačice, ali onda s industrijskom i postindustrijskom revolucijom vraćaju se na tržište rada. Ukratko, stječu status kakav su imale prije milijun godina, prije 10 000 godina, prije 100 000 godina. Sada vidimo jednu od najznačajnijih tradicija u povijesti ljudske životinje. I ona će imati veliki utjecaj.
I generally give a whole lecture on the impact of women on the business community. I'll say just a couple of things, and then go on to sex and love. There's a lot of gender differences; anybody who thinks men and women are alike simply never had a boy and a girl child. I don't know why they want to think that men and women are alike. There's much we have in common, but there's a whole lot that we do not have in common.
Obično imam cijelo predavanje o utjecaju žena na poslovnu zajednicu. Samo ću reći par stvari, i prijeći na seks i ljubav. Postoje brojne spolne razlike, onaj tko misli da su muškarci i žene isti jednostavno nikad nisu imali muško i žensko dijete. Ne znam zašto ljudi vole misliti da su muškarci i žene isti. Imamo puno toga zajedničkog, ali isto tako ima puno toga u čemu se razlikujemo.
We are -- in the words of Ted Hughes, "I think that we are like two feet. We need each other to get ahead." But we did not evolve to have the same brain. And we're finding more and more gender differences in the brain. I'll only just use a couple and then move on to sex and love. One of them is women's verbal ability. Women can talk.
Mi smo - da citiram Teda Hughesa, "Mi smo poput dva stopala. Potrebni smo jedno drugome kako bi krenuli naprijed." Ali nismo evoluirali da imamo isti mozak. I pronalazimo sve više i više i više razlika u mozgu ova dva spola. Spomenut ću samo neke pa ćemo prijeći na seks i ljubav. Jedna od njih je ženski dar govora. Žene znaju govoriti.
Women's ability to find the right word rapidly, basic articulation goes up in the middle of the menstrual cycle, when estrogen levels peak. But even at menstruation, they're better than the average man. Women can talk. They've been doing it for a million years; words were women's tools. They held that baby in front of their face, cajoling it, reprimanding it, educating it with words. And, indeed, they're becoming a very powerful force.
Ženska vještina da brzo pronađu pravu riječ, osnovna artikulacija raste prema sredini menstrualnog ciklusa, kada razina estrogena doseže vrhunac. Ali i u menstrualnom periodu su bolje od prosječnog muškarca. Žene znaju govoriti. Radile su to tijekom milijuna godina, riječi su bile žensko oruđe. Držale su dijete ispred svog lica, tepajući mu, koreći ga, učeći ga pomoću riječi. I zaista, postale su veoma moćna snaga.
Even in places like India and Japan, where women are not moving rapidly into the regular job market, they're moving into journalism. And I think that the television is like the global campfire. We sit around it and it shapes our minds. Almost always, when I'm on TV, the producer who calls me, who negotiates what we're going to say, is a woman. In fact, Solzhenitsyn once said, "To have a great writer is to have another government."
Čak i na mjestima kao što su Indija i Japan, gdje se žene nisu brzo pomicale u regularnom tržištu rada, ulazile su u novinarstvo. Mislim da je televizija poput globalne logorske vatre. Sjedimo uokolo i ona oblikuje naše umove. Gotovo uvijek, kada sam na televiziji, producent koji me zove, koji pregovara o čemu ćemo govoriti, je žena. Solženjicin je jednom rekao, "Imati velikog pisca je imati drugu vladu." Danas su 54% pisaca u Americi žene.
Today 54 percent of people who are writers in America are women. It's one of many, many characteristics that women have that they will bring into the job market. They've got incredible people skills, negotiating skills. They're highly imaginative. We now know the brain circuitry of imagination, of long-term planning. They tend to be web thinkers. Because the female parts of the brain are better connected, they tend to collect more pieces of data when they think, put them into more complex patterns, see more options and outcomes. They tend to be contextual, holistic thinkers, what I call web thinkers.
To je jedna od mnogih karakteristika koje žene imaju i koje su donijele na tržište rada. Posjeduju nevjerojatne ljudske vještine, vještine pregovaranja. Jako su maštovite. Sada znamo za moždane sklopove za maštu, za dugoročno planiranje. Imaju sklonost da budu mrežni mislioci. Zato jer je ženski dio mozga bolje premrežen. Nastoje skupiti više podataka kada misle, spremaju ih u mnogo kompleksnijem uzorku, vide više mogućnosti i ishoda. One su sadržajni, sveukupni mislioci, ono što ja zovem mrežnim misliocima.
Men tend to -- and these are averages -- tend to get rid of what they regard as extraneous, focus on what they do, and move in a more step-by-step thinking pattern. They're both perfectly good ways of thinking. We need both of them to get ahead. In fact, there's many more male geniuses in the world. And there's also many more male idiots in the world.
Muškarci se nastoje - u prosjeku - riješiti onoga što smatraju stranim, usredotočuju se na ono što rade, i razmišljaju korak po korak. Oba načina su savršeno dobri načini mišljenja. Trebamo ih oba da bi se kretali naprijed. U stvari, ima puno više muškaraca genija na svijetu. I također puno više muškaraca idiota na svijetu.
(Laughter)
Kada muški mozak dobro radi, radi iznimno dobro.
When the male brain works well, it works extremely well. And what I really think that we're doing is, we're moving towards a collaborative society, a society in which the talents of both men and women are becoming understood and valued and employed.
I ono što mislim da radimo je da se krećemo prema kolaborativnom društvu. društvu u kojem talenti oba spola postaju shvaćeni cijenjeni i zaposleni.
But in fact, women moving into the job market is having a huge impact on sex and romance and family life. Foremost, women are starting to express their sexuality. I'm always astonished when people come to me and say, "Why is it that men are so adulterous?" "Why do you think more men are adulterous than women?" "Well, men are more adulterous!" And I say, "Who do you think these men are sleeping with?"
Činjenica je da ulazak žena na tržište rada ima ogroman utjecaj na seks i romantiku i obiteljski život. Nadalje, žene počinju izražavati svoju seksualnost. Uvijek sam iznenađena kada mi ljudi priđu i kažu, "Zašto su muškarci tako skloni preljubu?" Ja kažem: "Zašto mislite da muškarci varaju više od žena?" "Pa varaju!" Tada kažem: "A s kim mislite da ti muškarci spavaju?"
(Laughter)
Jednostavna matematika!
And -- basic math!
Dakle...
Anyway. In the Western world, women start sooner at sex, have more partners, express less remorse for the partners that they do, marry later, have fewer children, leave bad marriages in order to get good ones. We are seeing the rise of female sexual expression. And, indeed, once again we're moving forward to the kind of sexual expression that we probably saw on the grasslands of Africa a million years ago, because this is the kind of sexual expression that we see in hunting and gathering societies today.
U zapadnom svijetu, djevojke - žene se sve ranije upuštaju u spolne odnose, imaju više partnera, pokazuju manje žaljenja prema partnerima zbog onog što čine, udaju se kasnije, imaju manje djece, napuštaju loše brakove da bi našle bolje. Vidimo uspon ženskog seksualnog izražavanja. I zaista, još jednom idemo naprijed prema onoj vrsti seksualnog izražavanja kakvo smo vjerojatno vidjeli u savanama Afrike prije milijun godina. zato što je to vrsta seksualnog izražavanja koje vidimo u lovačko-sakupljačkim društvima danas.
We're also returning to an ancient form of marriage equality. They're now saying that the 21st century is going to be the century of what they call the "symmetrical marriage," or the "pure marriage," or the "companionate marriage." This is a marriage between equals, moving forward to a pattern that is highly compatible with the ancient human spirit.
Također se vraćamo drevnim oblicima bračne jednakosti. sada govore da će 21 stoljeće biti stoljeće "simetričnog braka," ili "čistog braka", ili "suputničkog braka." Ovo je brak među jednakima, koji napreduje prema obrascu koji je jako u skladu s drevnim ljudskim duhom.
We're also seeing a rise of romantic love. 91 percent of American women and 86 percent of American men would not marry somebody who had every single quality they were looking for in a partner, if they were not in love with that person. People around the world, in a study of 37 societies, want to be in love with the person that they marry. Indeed, arranged marriages are on their way off this braid of human life.
Također vidimo uspon romantične ljubavi. 91% Amerikanki i 86% Amerikanaca neće se vjenčati za osobu koja ima baš svaku pojedinu kvalitetu koju traže kod partnera, ako nisu zaljubljeni u tu osobu. Ljudi po cijelom svijetu, u studiji 37 društava, žele biti zaljubljeni u osobu za koju se vjenčaju. Zaista, dogovoreni brakovi nestaju iz ljudskog života.
I even think that marriages might even become more stable because of the second great world trend. The first one being women moving into the job market, the second one being the aging world population. They're now saying that in America, that middle age should be regarded as up to age 85. Because in that highest age category of 76 to 85, as much as 40 percent of people have nothing really wrong with them. So we're seeing there's a real extension of middle age.
Zaista mislim da ovi brakovi mogu biti stabilniji zbog drugog velikog svjetskog trenda. Prvi je bio ulazak žena na tržište rada, a drugi je starenje svjetske populacije. Kažu da se sada u Americi srednja dob smatra starošću do 85 godina. Zato što u toj poznoj dobnoj kategoriji od 76 do 85 godina, čak 40% ljudi nema poteškoća. Vidimo da postoji znatno produljenje srednje životne dobi.
For one of my books, I looked at divorce data in 58 societies. And as it turns out, the older you get, the less likely you are to divorce. So the divorce rate right now is stable in America, and it's actually beginning to decline. It may decline some more. I would even say that with Viagra, estrogen replacement, hip replacements and the incredibly interesting women -- women have never been as interesting as they are now. Not at any time on this planet have women been so educated, so interesting, so capable. And so I honestly think that if there really was ever a time in human evolution when we have the opportunity to make good marriages, that time is now.
Za potrebe jedne od mojih knjiga pogledala sam podatke o razvodima u 58 društava. Pokazalo se da što si stariji, manja je šansa da se razvedete. Tako je sadašnja stopa razvoda u Americi stabilna, i zapravo počinje opadati. Možda će još malo pasti. Rekla bih čak da s Viagrom, nadomjesnom estrogenskom terapijom, zamjenom kuka žene postaju nevjerojatno zanimljive - žene nikada nisu bile tako zanimljive kao što su sada. Nikada na ovom planetu žene nisu bile tako obrazovane, tako zanimljive, tako sposobne. I iskreno mislim da ako je ikada bilo vrijeme u ljudskoj evoluciji kada smo imali mogućnost sklapanja dobrih brakova, to vrijeme je sada.
However, there's always kinds of complications in this. These three brain systems -- lust, romantic love and attachment -- don't always go together. They can go together, by the way. That's why casual sex isn't so casual. With orgasm you get a spike of dopamine. Dopamine's associated with romantic love, and you can just fall in love with somebody who you're just having casual sex with. With orgasm, then you get a real rush of oxytocin and vasopressin -- those are associated with attachment. This is why you can feel such a sense of cosmic union with somebody after you've made love to them.
Premda, uvijek ima komplikacija. U ova tri moždana sustava: požuda, romantična ljubav i privrženost ne idu uvijek skupa. Usput govoreći, oni mogu ići skupa. Zato neobavezni seks nije tako neobavezan. S orgazmom dobivate porast dopamina. Dopamin je povezan sa romantičnom ljubavi i možete se zaljubiti u nekoga s kim ste upravo imali neobavezni seks. Sa orgazmom, dolazi do prave navale oksitocin i vazopresina koji su povezani s privrženošću. Zato možete osjetiti kozmičko sjedinjenje sa nekim, nakon što ste s njima vodili ljubav. Ali ova tri moždana sustava: požuda, romantična ljubav i privrženost
But these three brain systems: lust, romantic love and attachment, aren't always connected to each other. You can feel deep attachment to a long-term partner while you feel intense romantic love for somebody else, while you feel the sex drive for people unrelated to these other partners. In short, we're capable of loving more than one person at a time. In fact, you can lie in bed at night and swing from deep feelings of attachment for one person to deep feelings of romantic love for somebody else. It's as if there's a committee meeting going on in your head as you are trying to decide what to do. So I don't think, honestly, we're an animal that was built to be happy; we are an animal that was built to reproduce. I think the happiness we find, we make. And I think, however, we can make good relationships with each other.
nisu uvijek međusobno povezani. Možete osjećati duboku privrženost prema životnom partneru dok osjećate snažnu romantičnu ljubav za nekog drugog, i dok osjećate spolni nagon prema trećim osobama. Ukratko, sposobni smo voljeti više osoba istodobno. Zapravo, možete leći u krevet navečer i prebaciti se sa dubokih osjećaja privrženosti jednoj osobi na duboke osjećaje romantične ljubavi za nekog drugog. Kao da se u vašoj glavi odvija sastanak upravnog odbora dok pokušavate donijeti odluku. Zato ne mislim, iskreno govoreći, da smo životinje stvorene za sreću; mi smo životinja stvorena za razmnožavanje. Sreću koju u životu nađemo, stvorili smo sami. I mislim, dapače, da možemo izgraditi dobre odnose jedno sa drugim.
So I want to conclude with two things. I want to conclude with a worry, and with a wonderful story. The worry is about antidepressants. Over 100 million prescriptions of antidepressants are written every year in the United States. And these drugs are going generic. They are seeping around the world. I know one girl who's been on these antidepressants, SSRIs, serotonin-enhancing antidepressants -- since she was 13. She's 23. She's been on them ever since she was 13.
Zato želim zaključiti sa dvije stvari. Želim zaključiti s brigom. Zabrinuta sam, i imam još jednu divnu priču. Zabrinutost je oko antidepresiva. Preko 100 milijuna recepata za antidepresive se propiše svake godine u Sjedinjenim Državama. I ovi lijekovi postaju generički. Šire se po svijetu. Poznajem jednu djevojku koja je bila na antidpresivima, serotoninskim pojačivačima - SSRI, antidepresivim koji podižu serotonin, od kada je imala 13 godina. Sad ima 23. Uzima te lijekove od 13. godine.
I've got nothing against people who take them short term, when they're going through something horrible. They want to commit suicide or kill somebody else. I would recommend it. But more and more people in the United States are taking them long term. And indeed, what these drugs do is raise levels of serotonin. And by raising levels of serotonin, you suppress the dopamine circuit. Everybody knows that. Dopamine is associated with romantic love. Not only do they suppress the dopamine circuit, but they kill the sex drive. And when you kill the sex drive, you kill orgasm. And when you kill orgasm, you kill that flood of drugs associated with attachment. The things are connected in the brain. And when you tamper with one brain system, you're going to tamper with another. I'm just simply saying that a world without love is a deadly place.
Nemam ništa protiv ljudi koji ih uzimaju kratkoročno, dok prolaze kroz nešto strašno. Kad žele ubiti sebe ili nekog drugog. Tada bi ih preporučila. Ali sve više i više ljudi u Sjedinjenim Državama ih uzima dugoročno. I zaista ono što ovi lijekovi rade je podizanje razine serotonina. I dok dižu razinu serotonina, potiskuju dopaminski krug. Svi to znaju. Dopamin je povezan sa romantičnom ljubavi. Ne samo da potiskuju dopaminski krug, nego ubijaju spolni nagon. A kad ubijete spolni nagon, ubijate orgazam. A kad ubijete orgazam, ubili ste onu poplavu supstanci koje su povezane s privrženošću. Stvari su povezane u mozgu i kad se miješate u jedan moždani sustav, poremetiti ćete drugi. Jednostavno želim reći da je svijet bez ljubavi mrtvo mjesto.
So now --
Zato sada... (Pljesak) ...hvala vam.
(Applause)
Thank you.
...želim završiti sa pričom. I nakon toga samo komentar.
I want to end with a story. And then, just a comment. I've been studying romantic love and sex and attachment for 30 years. I'm an identical twin; I am interested in why we're all alike. Why you and I are alike, why the Iraqis and the Japanese and the Australian Aborigines and the people of the Amazon River are all alike. And about a year ago, an Internet dating service, Match.com, came to me and asked me if I would design a new dating site for them. I said, "I don't know anything about personality. You know? I don't know. Do you think you've got the right person?" They said, "Yes." It got me thinking about why it is that you fall in love with one person rather than another.
Proučavam romantičnu ljubav i seks i privrženost 30 godina. Ja sam identična blizanka, zanima zašto smo svi slični. Zašto smo mi slični, zašto su Iračani i Japanci i australski Aboriđini i ljudi iz Amazonije svi slični. Prije godinu dana, Internet servis za upoznavanje match.com došao je do mene i pitao me da za njih dizajniram nove Internet stranice za upoznavanje. rekla sam, "Ne znam ništa o osobnostima. Znate to? Ne znam. Da li mislite da ste dobili pravu osobu?" Odgovorili su, "Da." To me je natjeralo na razmišljanje zašto se zaljubite u jednu osobu a ne u drugu. To je moj sadašnji projekt, bit će u mojoj sljedećoj knjizi.
That's my current project; it will be my next book. There's all kinds of reasons that you fall in love with one person rather than another. Timing is important. Proximity is important. Mystery is important. You fall in love with somebody who's somewhat mysterious, in part because mystery elevates dopamine in the brain, probably pushes you over that threshold to fall in love. You fall in love with somebody who fits within what I call your "love map," an unconscious list of traits that you build in childhood as you grow up. And I also think that you gravitate to certain people, actually, with somewhat complementary brain systems. And that's what I'm now contributing to this.
Postoje različiti razlozi zašto ćete se zaljubiti u jednu osobu a ne u drugu. Pravi trenutak je važan. Blizina je važna. Tajnovitost je važna. Zaljubite se u nekoga tko je donekle tajnovit, djelom jer tajnovitost podiže razinu dopamina u mozgu, vjerojatno vas gura preko praga zaljubljivanja. Zaljubite se u nekoga tko paše u vašu, kako ja to zovem, "ljubavnu mapu", nesvjesni popis osobina koji stvarate u djetinjstvu dok odrastate. I također mislim da postajete privučeni ljudima s donekle sukladnim moždanim sustavima. I to je moj sadašnji doprinos.
But I want to tell you a story, to illustrate. I've been carrying on here about the biology of love. I wanted to show you a little bit about the culture of it, too, the magic of it. It's a story that was told to me by somebody who had heard it just from one -- probably a true story. It was a graduate student -- I'm at Rutgers and my two colleagues -- Art Aron is at SUNY Stony Brook. That's where we put our people in the MRI machine.
Ali želim vam ispričati priču o ovome, za ilustraciju. Pričam stalno o biologiji ljubavi. Htjela bi pokazati vam malo kulture ljubavi, također - njenu čaroliju. Ovo je priča koju mi je ispričao netko tko ju je čuo iz prve ruke - vjerojatno je istinita priča. Bio je jedan student-- ja sam na Rutgersu, a moji dvoje kolega -- Art Aaron je na SUNY Stonybrooku. Tamo snimamo naše ljude magnetskom rezonancom.
And this graduate student was madly in love with another graduate student, and she was not in love with him. And they were all at a conference in Beijing. And he knew from our work that if you go and do something very novel with somebody, you can drive up the dopamine in the brain, and perhaps trigger this brain system for romantic love.
I ovaj student je bio ludo zaljubljen u jednu studenticu, a ona nije bila zaljubljena u njega. Bili su na konfererenciji u Pekingu. Znao je iz našeg rada da ako napravite nešto potpuno novo s nekim, možete im podići dopamin u mozgu. I možda aktivirati sustav u mozgu za romantičnu ljubav.
(Laughter)
Odlučio je stoga iskoristiti znanost,
So he decided he'd put science to work. And he invited this girl to go off on a rickshaw ride with him.
i pozvao je ovu djevojku na zajedničku vožnju rikšom.
And sure enough -- I've never been in one, but apparently they go all around the buses and the trucks and it's crazy and it's noisy and it's exciting. He figured that this would drive up the dopamine, and she'd fall in love with him. So off they go and she's squealing and squeezing him and laughing and having a wonderful time. An hour later they get down off of the rickshaw, and she throws her hands up and she says, "Wasn't that wonderful?" And, "Wasn't that rickshaw driver handsome!"
Sad, ja se nisam nikad vozila u rikši, ali navodno voze slalom između autobusa i kamiona to bude ludo, bučno i uzbudljivo. Mislio je da će joj to podići razinu dopamina i da će se ona zaljubiti u njega. Dok su se vozili ona je vrištala, stiskala se uz njega, smijala i uživala. Kad su nakon sat vremena sišli s rikše, podigla je ruke i rekla: "Zar nije ovo bilo prekrasno?" "Ovaj vozač rikše je baš zgodan!"
(Laughter)
(Smijeh) (Pljesak)
(Applause)
There's magic to love!
Ima čarolije u ljubavi!
(Applause)
Završit ću s ovim. Prije više milijuna godina razvili smo tri osnovna nagona:
But I will end by saying that millions of years ago, we evolved three basic drives: the sex drive, romantic love and attachment to a long-term partner. These circuits are deeply embedded in the human brain. They're going to survive as long as our species survives on what Shakespeare called "this mortal coil."
spolni nagon, romantična ljubav i privrženost dugoročnom partneru. Ovi sklopovi su duboko ugrađeni u ljudski mozak. Preživjet će toliko koliko će preživjeti naša vrsta u kako je to Shakespeare nazvao "ovoj smrtnoj duši."
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
Chris Anderson: Helen Fisher!
(Applause)