Harry: Thank you very much. We are Harry and Chris, childhood best friends turned comedy-rap-jazz pioneers. Chris: We love writing songs about uplifting and joyful themes, which can be quite hard to find these days, but we thought we'd struck gold when we came across what we thought was objectively good news, which was that the Giant panda is no longer classified as endangered. (Cheers) (Applause) That set us off on a three-day Wikipedia panda spree, and we're going to give you some of our favourite panda facts before this next song. H: Panda fact number one: The collective noun for a group of pandas is an embarrassment of pandas. (Laughter) Which I think helps explain a population crisis. (Laughter) C: Fact number two: Every panda in the world is technically on loan from the Chinese government for a million dollars a year, which is why we don't have one with us today, but we are hoping for an Arts Council grant. H: And our favourite panda fact: We found out that part of the reason why the efforts to repopulate had taken longer than expected is because the female panda can only get pregnant for one 48-hour window in the entire year, and in that time, they worked out, they couldn't just chuck any old male panda in the enclosure and hope for the best. Because scientifically speaking, she has standards. (Music starts) We thought, what's the real story here? C: We went away, wrote this song from the whole perspective of Chan Chan, the giant panda in Edinburgh Zoo. It's quite a serious song. It's called 'Eats, Shoots, Leaves.' H: (Sings) I'm the poster girl for the WWF, and I've been wrestling with stress about the struggles of death, I don't know if you've read some of the stuff in the press, but there ain't too many of us left. C: (Sings) Let's just say that the zoo's reproductive program ain't got a clue when it comes to romance, H: (Sings) It's less scented candles and slow jams, H + C: More whip out a notepad and off you go, fam, H: I'm panicking a bit 'cause the pandas that I'm with all seem happy with the sit like some post-apocalyptic fantasy we're in but for me the reality is this: You see I never wanted to live in a C: (Sings) Damn zoo H: Never got what it is with C: (Sings) Bamboo H: You've to make the most of things you C: Can choose H: That's what I plan to do C: That's what this panda do C + H: They talk about C: eats, shoots, leaves C + H: Why don't you let ... C: (Sings) me do me C + H: Everyone's excited with panda stuff but I am who I am, Isn't that enough? C: Eats, shoots, leaves, why don't you let me do me? Some things are more than black and white, I'm just trying to live my life Breaking news! More specifically, nature news! More specifically - International Union of Conservation of Nature news! There's been a 17% increase in giant panda population H + C: Woo! Hooray for you! C: You are now no longer endangered, you have been upgraded to ... ( Music ends) Vulnerable. (Laughter) C: What does this mean for our panda queen? H: Believe me, it ain't easy carrying the weight of your species, especially pandas, Have you seen me? As I listen to this strange-looking man on the TV, for us it's the first bit of good news since somebody sneezed and was a hit on YouTube, and I couldn't believe we met the Canadian Prime Minister, I mean, could you? Course not. H: What do you you know? C: News just in, it's Trudeau H: Hope travels quicker than bamboo grows, and Obama's koalas ain't half as cute, yo So they say that I am vulnerable, as if I needed an expert to tell me Maybe this'll be the year we meet the Archbishop C: News just in - could well be H: See no amount of positive thinking will change the fact the forests are shrinking but I feel I fostered this baby squid thing, I've just got the strangest inkling. The state of the world's got me upset, I've been here three million years, I ain't giving up yet, I don't want a world without bears so I might put myself out there, yeah C: Female, Edinburgh, 13 years old, just looking for a hand to hold Cute and cuddly or so I'm told, I don't like men in white lab coats, been spending most of my life in a panda's paradise Each time I'm alone at night, something inside this panda dies H: If I meet some manly type, who does everything that a panda might, but refuses to say a word at the time, Isn't there some kind of panda-mime? C: Oh no it isn't! H: Oh yes it is! H: What is so absurd is the zoo's going to think that the program works if I do have a kid that were (inaudible) you do life on your own damn terms H: I never wanted to live in a C: (Sings) Damn zoo H: Never got what it was with C: Bamboo H: Make the most of things you C: Can choose H: That's what I plan to do C: That's what these panda do C + H: They talk about C: eats, shoots, leaves C + H: Why don't you let C: me do me? C + H: Everyone's concerned with panda stuff but I am who I am, Isn't that enough? C: Eats, shoots, leaves, why don't you let me do me? Some things are more than black and white I'm just trying to live my life ... H: Tell 'em! C: I'm just trying to live my life H: Tell them again! C: I'm just trying to live my life, oh ... (Music ends) (Applause) (Whistles) (Cheers) C: Thank you. H: Thank you so much. H: As well as trying to focus on good news, we write about stuff that's important to us. Often the world is a bit overwhelming, but you want to make a difference where you can. We tried to tackle this next song in a way that felt hopeful, without kind of diminishing from that. C: And the format is a conversation between someone living today, and their distant relative in the future. (Music starts) H: (Sings) Dear ... great-great-great-great grandad, there's a couple of things that I was wondering, since we've made a few changes our oceans are recovering, but homework was to find out how it's come to this, so ... What was a straw? C: Well it's kind of like a tiny plastic tunnel, they're a lot more common than you'd think H: What was it for? C: Well at the time it seemed inconvenient to have to bend down to get to your drink (Laughter) (Applause) H: And plastic forks? C: It's funny how they'd come to be, we already had functioning cutlery, but they made plastic versions that didn't cut properly because the others were a bit too heavy H: Well what about sachets? C: They were like tiny saucy stashes H: How much could you stash in your tiny saucy sachet? C: Not quite enough for a sausage egg McMuffin, you'd need a couple because you'd never get enough in, but they were the perfect size to choke a puffin (Laughter) H: Uncharacteristically dark granddad! (Laughter) H: I'm only seven! H: Look, I know they say that older is wiser, you might not want your great- great-great-great grandson to advise you and at times there will be things that overwhelm you but while I'm writing this I just wanted to tell you ... The way things are are not the way they have to be Nobody's asking you to save the world singlehandedly Tomorrow will bring worries of it's own But for every step today there are less that's left to go C: Dear great-great-great-great grandson I was happy to get your note, Got me wondering what you might think of us today the levels of progress we've tried to make H: Have you banned plastic yet? C: Not quite, we had the carrier bag tax in 2016 ... someone got enraged on Twitter, said they'd use their own, not realising that was the whole point of the scheme (Laughter) C: In the future, do you have cars? H: Yes, they're all electric now, it was easier than trying to ban them C: Have you made it to Mars? H: Yes, there is a colony there; they use your panda love song as their national anthem (Laughter) C: And the stars? H: Have started to appear again, it is almost as if we've always had them C: Well I'm glad that the night had a dawn Here's a song I'll sing to your great-great-great-great granddad when he's born ... The way things are is not the way they have to be I'll never ask you to save the world singlehandedly Tomorrow will bring worries of it's own But for every step today there is less that's left to go C + H: The way things are is not the way things have to be Nobody's asking you to save the world singlehandedly Tomorrow will bring worries of it's own But for every step today there is less that's left to go H: P.S. This world is worth saving Try to remember that with everything you're facing Granted, I know the pace of that might be frustrating but incrementally some monumental changes C: Wait, it's still 2019 - for most people 'global warming' just means slightly nicer weather It's hard to convince people things are getting worse British swimming conditions are about 8% better Saving Planet Earth through what you now know Or just saving Planet Earth through your iPlayer downloads H: Declining omissions C: Or signing petitions H: There's more than one way to get involved It could be going zero waste or just using less plastic Becoming a vegan C: Or something less drastic H: Becoming vegetarian C: Or something less drastic H: Meat-free Mondays? C: Smashed it! (Laughter) (Music) (Applause) C: You don't have to go buy an electric car H: Just get a friend to and get a lift in their electric car Save water by asking someone you like to share a shower C: Would you like to share a shower? H: Or just don't have a shower! (Laughter) C: They say it's just a drop in the ocean as if that's a reason to stop Well maybe they've forgotten the ocean is literally made up of drops C + H: They say it's just a drop in the ocean as if that's a reason to stop But maybe they've forgotten the ocean is entirely dependent on drops H + C: (Simultaneous singing) H: The way things are is not the way / C: They say it's just a drop in the ocean (Chorus continues) H: But for every step today there is less that's left to go (Music ends) C: Thank you very much (Cheers) (Applause)
