I grew up with my identical twin, who was an incredibly loving brother. Now, one thing about being a twin is, it makes you an expert at spotting favoritism. If his cookie was even slightly bigger than my cookie, I had questions. And clearly, I wasn't starving.
Men juda bir mehribon egizak akam bilan voyaga yetganman. Egizak bo'lishning bir tomoni bor, u sizni favoritizmni aniqlashda ekspert qiladi. Agar uning shirinligi menikidan zig’ircha kattaroq bo’ldimi, menda savollar tug’ilardi. Rostini aytganda, qornim to’q edi.
(Laughter)
(Kulgu)
When I became a psychologist, I began to notice favoritism of a different kind; and that is, how much more we value the body than we do the mind. I spent nine years at university earning my doctorate in psychology, and I can't tell you how many people look at my business card and say, "Oh -- a psychologist. So, not a real doctor," as if it should say that on my card.
Psixolog bo'lganimda esa favoritizmning boshqa bir turiga guvoh bo’la boshladim; bu ham bo’lsa, ongimizdan ko’ra tanamizni nechog'lik ko’proq qadrlashimiz. Psixologiyada doktorlik himoyasi uchun oliygohga umrimning sakkiz yili ketti. Qanchadan qancha odamlar tashrif qog’ozimga qarab, “Iye, psixologmisiz, men sizni shifokor debman,” deganlari menga qorong’u, go'yo vizitkada shunday yozilsin.
[Dr. Guy Winch, Just a Psychologist (Not a Real Doctor)]
[Dr Gay Uinch, shunchaki psixolog (haqiqiy shifokor emas)]
(Laughter)
(Kulgu)
This favoritism we show the body over the mind -- I see it everywhere.
Tanani ongdan ustun qo’yishdan iborat bunday favoritizmga -- har yerda duch kelaman.
I recently was at a friend's house, and their five-year-old was getting ready for bed. He was standing on a stool by the sink, brushing his teeth, when he slipped and scratched his leg on the stool when he fell. He cried for a minute, but then he got back up, got back on the stool, and reached out for a box of Band-Aids to put one on his cut. Now, this kid could barely tie his shoelaces, but he knew you have to cover a cut so it doesn't become infected, and you have to care for your teeth by brushing twice a day. We all know how to maintain our physical health and how to practice dental hygiene, right? We've known it since we were five years old. But what do we know about maintaining our psychological health? Well, nothing. What do we teach our children about emotional hygiene? Nothing. How is it that we spend more time taking care of our teeth than we do our minds? Why is it that our physical health is so much more important to us than our psychological health?
Yaqinda do’stimning xonadonida edim ularning besh yosh farzandi uyquga hozirlanayotgandi. U rakovina oldidagi kursiga chiqib olib, tishlarini yuvayotgandi, yiqilib tushdi-yu, oyog’ini o’zi yiqilgan kursida jarohatlab oldi. Bir daqiqacha yig’ladi, biroq keyin o’rnidan turib, jarohati uchun malhamlar solingan quttini olish ilinjida kursiga yana chiqdi. Qarang, bu bolakay poyabzal ipini arang bog’lay olsa ham, yallig’lanmasligi uchun jarohatni bog’lab qo’yishingiz kerakligi va kuniga ikki marta tishlaringiz ozodaligini saqlashingiz lozimligini biladi. Hammamiz qanday qilib tanamiz sog’ligini saqlash va tishlar gigiyenasiga amal qilishni bilamiz, to'g'rimi? Bularni besh yasharligimizdan buyon bilamiz. Ammo psixologik salomatligimizni saqlash borasida nimalarni bilamiz? Aytarli hech narsa. Hissiy gigiyena haqida farzandlarimizga nimani o’rgatamiz? Hech narsa. Qanday qilib ongimizdan ko’ra tishlarimizga g’amxo’rlik qilish uchun ko’proq vaqt sarflashimiz mumkin? Nega tanamiz salomatligi ruhiy salomatligimizdan ko'ra o'ta muhimroq?
We sustain psychological injuries even more often than we do physical ones, injuries like failure or rejection or loneliness. And they can also get worse if we ignore them, and they can impact our lives in dramatic ways. And yet, even though there are scientifically proven techniques we could use to treat these kinds of psychological injuries, we don't. It doesn't even occur to us that we should. "Oh, you're feeling depressed? Just shake it off; it's all in your head." Can you imagine saying that to somebody with a broken leg: "Oh, just walk it off; it's all in your leg."
Mag’lubiyat yoki rad etilish, yolg’izlik kabi jarohatlarga, ruhiy jarohatlarimizga tana jarohatlarimizga qaraganchalik qaramaymiz. Agar e’tibor bermasak, ularning ahvoli ham tanglashishi va hayotimizni butkul o’zgartirib yuborishi mumkin. Buku mayli, bunday ruhiy yaralarni davolashda foydalanishimiz mumkin bo’lgan ilmiy isbotlagan usullar bo’lishiga qaramay, g'aflatdamiz. Buning zarurligi xayolimizga ham kelmaydi. "Tushkunlikdamisiz? Qo'ying, siqilmang; Bularning bari boshingizda," Oyog’i singan biror kimsaga shunday deb ko'ringchi?: "Shunchaki yurib keting; Buning boisi oyog’ingizda."
(Laughter)
(Kulgu)
It is time we closed the gap between our physical and our psychological health. It's time we made them more equal, more like twins.
Jismoniy va ruhiy salomatlik o’rtasidagi bo’shliqqa yakun yasashning vaqti yetdi. Ularning mavqeyini xuddi egizaklarnikidek tenglashtirish vaqti keldi.
Speaking of which, my brother is also a psychologist. So he's not a real doctor, either.
Ha, aytgancha akam ham psixolog. Shunday ekan, u ham shifokor emas.
(Laughter)
(Kulgu)
We didn't study together, though. In fact, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life is move across the Atlantic to New York City to get my doctorate in psychology. We were apart then for the first time in our lives, and the separation was brutal for both of us. But while he remained among family and friends, I was alone in a new country. We missed each other terribly, but international phone calls were really expensive then, and we could only afford to speak for five minutes a week. When our birthday rolled around, it was the first we wouldn't be spending together. We decided to splurge, and that week, we would talk for 10 minutes.
Shunday bo’lsa-da, biz birga o’qimadik. Aslida hayotimdagi eng og’ir narsa psixologiya yo’nalishida doktorlik unvoniga ega bo’lish uchun Atlantika bo’ylab Nyu Yorkka ko’chib kelish edi. Ana shunda umrimizda ilk bor bir-birimizdan yiroqda edik, va ayriliqdan har ikkimiz ozor chekdik. Ammo, u oila va do’stlar davrasida qolgan, men esa begona yurtda yolg’iz edim. Bir-birimizni juda qumsadik, lekin o’shanda xalqaro telefon qo’ng’iroqlari nihoyatda qimmat edi. va biz bor-yog'i haftada bir marta 5 daqiqa gaplashishga qurbimiz yetardi. Tug’ilgan kunlarimiz yaqinlashdi bu ilk bor bir-birimizdan yiroqda nishonlashimiz edi. Pulni ayamay ishlatishga, va bu hafta 10 daqiqa gaplashishga kelishdik.
(Laughter)
(Kulgu)
I spent the morning pacing around my room, waiting for him to call -- and waiting ... and waiting. But the phone didn't ring. Given the time difference, I assumed, "OK, he's out with friends, he'll call later." There were no cell phones then. But he didn't. And I began to realize that after being away for over 10 months, he no longer missed me the way I missed him. I knew he would call in the morning, but that night was one of the saddest and longest nights of my life. I woke up the next morning. I glanced down at the phone, and I realized I had kicked it off the hook when pacing the day before. I stumbled out of bed, I put the phone back on the receiver, and it rang a second later. And it was my brother, and boy, was he pissed.
Tongni uning qo’ng’irog'iga intiq xonam bo'ylab yurish bilan o'tkazdim -- kutaverdim ... kutaverdim. Ammo telefon jiringlamadi. Vaqt hisobidagi farqdan “Hoynahoy, u do’stlari bilan, salroq qilar” degan fikr keldi. U paytda mobil telefonlar yo'q. Lekin u qilmadi. 10 oydan oshiq vaqt uzoqda bo’lganimdan so’ng, men uni sog’inganchalik sog’inmay qo’yganini anglay boshladim. Tongda qo’ng’iroq qilishini bilardim, ammo o’sha tun umrimdagi eng qayg’uli va uzoq tunlardan biri bo’ldi. Ertasi kuni uyg’ondim. Telefonga qarab, go’shakni kechagi tun o'zim bilan olib yurib telefonga ildirib qo’ymaganimni angladim. Karovatimdan qoqilib tushib, go’shakni telefonga qaytib qo’ydim va sekund o'tib, u jiringladi. U akam edi, u mendan nihoyatda qizishgandi,
(Laughter)
(Kulgu)
It was the saddest and longest night of his life as well. Now, I tried to explain what happened, but he said, "I don't understand. If you saw I wasn't calling you, why didn't you just pick up the phone and call me?" He was right. Why didn't I call him? I didn't have an answer then. But I do today, and it's a simple one: loneliness.
Bu ham uning hayotidagi eng qayg’uli va uzoq tunlardan biri edi. O’tgan voqealarni tushuntirishga tushdim, u esa "Tushunmayapman. Agar senga qilmaganimni ko’rib tursang, nega go’shakni olib, menga qo’ng’iroq qilmading? U haq edi. Nega unga qo’ng’iroq qilmadim? o'shanda savolga javobim yo’q edi Biroq bugun bor, u ham bo’lsa soddagina: yolg’izlik.
Loneliness creates a deep psychological wound, one that distorts our perceptions and scrambles our thinking. It makes us believe that those around us care much less than they actually do. It make us really afraid to reach out, because why set yourself up for rejection and heartache when your heart is already aching more than you can stand? I was in the grips of real loneliness back then, but I was surrounded by people all day, so it never occurred to me. But loneliness is defined purely subjectively. It depends solely on whether you feel emotionally or socially disconnected from those around you. And I did. There is a lot of research on loneliness, and all of it is horrifying. Loneliness won't just make you miserable; it will kill you. I'm not kidding. Chronic loneliness increases your likelihood of an early death by 14 percent. Fourteen percent! Loneliness causes high blood pressure, high cholesterol. It even suppress the functioning of your immune system, making you vulnerable to all kinds of illnesses and diseases. In fact, scientists have concluded that taken together, chronic loneliness poses as significant a risk for your long-term health and longevity as cigarette smoking. Now, cigarette packs come with warnings saying, "This could kill you." But loneliness doesn't. And that's why it's so important that we prioritize our psychological health, that we practice emotional hygiene. Because you can't treat a psychological wound if you don't even know you're injured. Loneliness isn't the only psychological wound that distorts our perceptions and misleads us.
Yolg’izlik idrokimizni yanglishtiruvchi va fikrlarimiz shaffofligiga barham beruvchi chuqur ruhiy jarohatni yaratadi. U atrofimizdagi insonlar aslida unchalik qayg’urmasligiga ishontiradi. U insonlarga qo’shilishdan qattiq qo’rqitadi, chunki qalbingiz allaqachon chidamgizdan chandon og’rib turganda, nega o'zingizni rad javobi va qalb og’rig’iga tutqazasiz? O’sha damlarda men chinakam yolg’izlik og’ushida, ammo har kuni odamlar orasida edim, shu sababdan bu sira xayolimga kelmagan. Ammo yolg’izlikni har kim o’zicha talqin qiladi. U siz atrofdagilardan hissiy yoki jamoaviy ayro his etishingizgagina bog’liq. Men yolg’iz edim. Yolg’izlik borasida ko’plab tadqiqotlar mavjud va ularning bari daxshatli. Yolg'izlik ayanchli ahvolgagina solmaydi. U sizni o’ldiradi. Bu hazil emas. Surunkali yolg’izlik erta o’lim xavfi ehtimolini 14 foizga ko’paytiradi. O’n to’rt foiz! Yolg’izlik qon bosimi va xolesterinning oshishiga olib keladi. U hatto immun tizimingiz faoliyatini susaytirib, barcha turdagi kasallik va xastaliklarga chalinish xatarini oshiradi. Darhaqiqat, olimlar surunkali yolg’izlikning inson salomatligi va umr ko’rish yoshiga xuddi tamaki chekish kabi halokatli ekanligini aniqlashgan. Tamaki quttilarida ogohlantiruvchi yozuv bor “Chekish insonni o’ldiradi.” Ammo yolg’izlikda yo’q. Va aynan shuning uchun ruhiy salomatligimizni eng oldinga qo’yish, hissiy-emotsional gigiyenaga amal qilish shunchalik muhim. Negaki agarda siz hatto yaralanganligingizni bilmasangiz, ruhiy jarohatingizni tuzata olmaysiz. Idrokimizni yanglishtirib, bizni chalg’itadigan jarohat faqatgina yolg’izlik emas.
Failure does that as well. I once visited a day care center, where I saw three toddlers play with identical plastic toys. You had to slide the red button, and a cute doggie would pop out. One little girl tried pulling the purple button, then pushing it, and then she just sat back and looked at the box with her lower lip trembling. The little boy next to her watched this happen, then turned to his box and burst into tears without even touching it. Meanwhile, another little girl tried everything she could think of until she slid the red button, the cute doggie popped out, and she squealed with delight. So: three toddlers with identical plastic toys, but with very different reactions to failure. The first two toddlers were perfectly capable of sliding a red button. The only thing that prevented them from succeeding was that their mind tricked them into believing they could not. Now, adults get tricked this way as well, all the time. In fact, we all have a default set of feelings and beliefs that gets triggered whenever we encounter frustrations and setbacks.
Bu mag’lubiyatning ham ishidir. Bir kuni bolalar bog’chasiga borib, bir xil plastik o’yinchoqlar bilan o’ynayotgan uch go’dakka ko’zim tushdi. Qizil tugmani sursangiz, undan yoqimtoy kuchukcha chiqib kelardi. Bir qizaloq siyoh rangli tugmani tortishga, so’ngra itarishga urindi, va undan so’ng qaytib o’tirdi va quttiga pastki labi titragancha qarab qoldi. Uning yonida o’tirgan bolakay bu jarayonga guvoh bo’lib, quttisiga qayrilib qaradi va unga qo’lini ham tekizmay, yig’lab yubordi. Bu orada boshqa bir qizaloq qizil tugmani surmagunicha xayoliga kelgan hamma narsani qilib ko’rdi, yoqimtoy kuchukcha chiqdi-yu, u quvonchdan qiqirlab kuldi. Xullas: uch go’dak sira farq qilmaydigan plastik o’yinchoqlar bilan, ammo mag’lubiyatga turlicha munosabatda. Birinchi ikki go'dakda qizil tugmani surish imkoniyatlari yetarlicha edi. Ularni bu ishni uddalashdan to'xtatgan yagona narsa, ularning onggi bu ishni eplay olmaslik aldoviga chuv tushirdi. Kattalar ham bu aldovga chuv tushadilar. Darhaqiqat, har gal xafagarchilik va omadsizliklarga duch kelganimizda eshik qoqmay bostirib keladigan his va qarashlar hammamizda bor.
Are you aware of how your mind reacts to failure? You need to be. Because if your mind tries to convince you you're incapable of something, and you believe it, then like those two toddlers, you'll begin to feel helpless and you'll stop trying too soon, or you won't even try at all. And then you'll be even more convinced you can't succeed. You see, that's why so many people function below their actual potential. Because somewhere along the way, sometimes a single failure convinced them that they couldn't succeed, and they believed it.
Ongingizning mag'lubiyatga munosabatidan xabardormisiz? Boxabar bo'lish kerak. Chunki ongingiz sizni biror narsada noqobilligingizga ishontirmoqchi bo'lsa va siz bunga ishonsangiz, u holda xuddi o'sha ikki go'dak kabi o'zingizni ilojsiz his eta boshlaysiz va osongina chekinasiz yoki butkul qo'l urmaysiz. Undan so'ng muvaffaqiyat qozona olmasligingizga to'la ishonasiz. Shu sabab ko'plab insonlar o'z imkoniyatlaridan to'la foydalana olmaydi. Yo'lning qaysidir bir manzilida ba'zida birgina mag'lubiyat g'alaba qozona olmasliklariga ishontirgan va ular bunga chuv tushishgan.
Once we become convinced of something, it's very difficult to change our mind. I learned that lesson the hard way when I was a teenager with my brother. We were driving with friends down a dark road at night, when a police car stopped us. There had been a robbery in the area and they were looking for suspects. The officer approached the car, and shined his flashlight on the driver, then on my brother in the front seat, and then on me. And his eyes opened wide and he said, "Where have I seen your face before?"
Biror narsaga ishonsak, fikrlarimizni o'zgartirish juda qiyin kechadi. Akam bilan o'smirlik chog'imizda bu saboqni kech angladim. Militsiya mashinasi to'xtatganida, tunda og'aynilar bilan mashinada qorong'u yo'ldan borardik. O'sha atrofda o'g'irlik bo'lgan va ular gumondor shaxslarni izlayotgandi. Militsiya xodimi mashinaga yaqiniga kelib, fonarini haydovchiga tutdi, so’ng mashina oldida o'tirgan akamga va oxirida menga. Ko'zlari katta ochildi-yu, shunday dedi, "Yuzingizni oldin qayerda ko'rganman?"
(Laughter)
(Kulgu)
And I said, "In the front seat."
Men "Old o'rindiqda." dedim.
(Laughter)
(Kulgu)
But that made no sense to him whatsoever, so now he thought I was on drugs.
U zig’ircha tushunmadi, ana endi u meni narkotik qabul qilgan deb o’yladi.
(Laughter)
(Kulgu)
So he drags me out of the car, he searches me, he marches me over to the police car, and only when he verified I didn't have a police record, could I show him I had a twin in the front seat. But even as we were driving away, you could see by the look on his face he was convinced that I was getting away with something.
U meni mashinadan chiqarib olib, tintuv qildi, militsiya mashinasi oldiga yetaklab, jinoyatchilik tarixim yo’qligini tasdiqlagandan keyingina old o’rindiqda egizak akam borligini ko’rsata oldim. Ammo ketar mahalimiz ham, uning yuz ifodasidan men nimadandir qochib ketayotganimga aminligi yaqqol ko’rinardi.
(Laughter)
(Kulgu)
Our mind is hard to change once we become convinced. So it might be very natural to feel demoralized and defeated after you fail. But you cannot allow yourself to become convinced you can't succeed. You have to fight feelings of helplessness. You have to gain control over the situation. And you have to break this kind of negative cycle before it begins.
Bir narsaga ishonganimizdan so’ng ongizmizni o’zgartirish mushkul. Shu sababli omadingiz chopmaganidan so’ng tushkunlik va mag’lubiyatni his qilish tabiiy. Lekin omadingiz chopmasligiga o’zingizni ishontirishga izn bera olmaysiz. Nochorlik hislariga qarshi kurashishingiz lozim. Vaziyatni o’z qo’lingizga olishingiz kerak. Bunday salbiy hislar girdobiga aslo tushib qolmasligingiz darkor.
[Stop Emotional Bleeding]
[Hissiy qon ketishini to’xtating]
Our minds and our feelings -- they're not the trustworthy friends we thought they were. They're more like a really moody friend, who can be totally supportive one minute, and really unpleasant the next. I once worked with this woman who, after 20 years marriage and an extremely ugly divorce, was finally ready for her first date. She had met this guy online, and he seemed nice and he seemed successful, and most importantly, he seemed really into her. So she was very excited, she bought a new dress, and they met at an upscale New York City bar for a drink. Ten minutes into the date, the man stands up and says, "I'm not interested," and walks out. Rejection is extremely painful. The woman was so hurt she couldn't move. All she could do was call a friend. Here's what the friend said: "Well, what do you expect? You have big hips, you have nothing interesting to say. Why would a handsome, successful man like that ever go out with a loser like you?" Shocking, right, that a friend could be so cruel? But it would be much less shocking if I told you it wasn't the friend who said that. It's what the woman said to herself. And that's something we all do, especially after a rejection. We all start thinking of all our faults and all our shortcomings, what we wish we were, what we wish we weren't. We call ourselves names. Maybe not as harshly, but we all do it. And it's interesting that we do, because our self-esteem is already hurting. Why would we want to go and damage it even further? We wouldn't make a physical injury worse on purpose. You wouldn't get a cut on your arm and decide, "Oh! I know -- I'm going to take a knife and see how much deeper I can make it."
Fikrlarimiz va hislarimiz – ular biz o’ylaganimiz kabi sodiq do’stlar emas. Ular ko’proq kayfiyati tez ayniydigan do’stlarga o’xshaydilar, bir qarasangiz sizni ko’klarga ko’taradi, so'ng o’ta sovuqqon. Qachonlardir 20 yillik turmushidan so’ng oilaviy munosabatlari achinarli yakun topgan bir ayol bilan ishlagandim, nihoyat ilk uchrashuvga yuragi betlagandi. o’sha inson bilan onlayn tanishgan, u yaxshigina, muvaffaqiyatli ko’rindi, va eng asosiysi, uning ayolda ko’ngli borligi sezildi. U juda hayajonda edi, yangi liboslar sotib oldi, shu tariqa ular Nyu York ichimliklar barida uchrashdilar. Uchrashuvga o’n daqiqa yetar-yetmas, erkak o’rnidan turib, dedi “Menga yoqmadingiz," va tark etdi. Rad etilish nihoyatda og’riqli kechadi. Ayol shunchalar iztirobda ediki, qilt etmadi. Qo’lidan kelgani do’stiga qo’ng’iroq qilish bo’ldi, xolos. Do’sti esa shunday dedi: "Xo’sh, nimani kutganding? Beling beso’naqay, aytishga arzirli aytarli hech narsang yo’q. Nega endi uningdek kelishgan, muvaffaqiyatli inson senga o’xshash betayinga qaylig’ bo’lsin?" Daxshat, to’g’rimi, do’st ham shunchalar bag’ritosh bo’ladimi? Ammo bu so’zlarni aytgan inson emasligini aytganimda bunchalik hayratga tushmasdingiz. Bu so’zlarni ayol o’ziga aytgandi. Va bu holat barchamizga tanish, ayniqsa mag’lubiyatdan so’ng. Barcha xatolarimiz va bor kamchiliklarimiz, bo’lsam qani edi, bo’lmasam qani edilarni o’ylay boshlaymiz. O’zimizga laqablar to’qiymiz Unchalik darajada bo’lmasa-da, hammamiz qo’l uramiz. Shunday qilishimiz qiziq, chunki o’z-o’zimizga beriladigan baho allaqachon aziyat chekyapti. Nega endi davom etib, yanayam parchalash kerak? Tanamizni ataylab jarohatlamaymiz-ku? Qo’lingizni kesib, "To’xtab tur! – Qo’limga pichoqni tiqib, qanchalik ichkariroq kirishim mumkinligiga qarab ko’raman." demasdingiz.
But we do that with psychological injuries all the time. Why? Because of poor emotional hygiene. Because we don't prioritize our psychological health. We know from dozens of studies that when your self-esteem is lower, you are more vulnerable to stress and to anxiety; that failures and rejections hurt more, and it takes longer to recover from them. So when you get rejected, the first thing you should be doing is to revive your self-esteem, not join Fight Club and beat it into a pulp. When you're in emotional pain, treat yourself with the same compassion you would expect from a truly good friend.
Ammo buni ruhiy jarohatlarimizga har doim ravo ko’ramiz. Nega? Zaif hissiy gigiyenamiz tufayli. Negaki ruhiy salomatligimizni eng oldinga qo’ymaymiz. O’zingizga beriladigan baho pasayganda, stress va bezovtalikka berilish xatari kuchayishi, mag’lubiyat va rad etilishlar yanada og’riqli kechishi va ulardan o'nglanish uzoq vaqt talab qilishini o’nlab tadqiqotlardan bilamiz. Shu bois rad etilganingizda, birinchi qilishingiz kerak bo’lgan ish Jang klubiga qo’shilish va kimgadir musht tushurish emas, o’zingizga beriladigan bahoni tiklashdir. Hissiy iztirob chekkaningizda, chinakam sodiq do’stdan kutiladigan mehr bilan o’zingizni siylang.
[Protect Your Self-Esteem]
[O’zingizga bo'lgan bahoni himoyalang]
We have to catch our unhealthy psychological habits and change them. And one of unhealthiest and most common is called rumination. To ruminate means to chew over. It's when your boss yells at you or your professor makes you feel stupid in class, or you have big fight with a friend and you just can't stop replaying the scene in your head for days, sometimes for weeks on end. Now, ruminating about upsetting events in this way can easily become a habit, and it's a very costly one, because by spending so much time focused on upsetting and negative thoughts, you are actually putting yourself at significant risk for developing clinical depression, alcoholism, eating disorders, and even cardiovascular disease.
Nosog’lom psixologik odatlarimizni payqab, ularni o’zgartirishimiz lozim. Va bularning ichida eng nosog’lomi shilqim fikrlar deb nomlanadi. Shilqim fikrlar tin olmay o’ylayverishdir. Rahbaringiz sizga o’shqirib berdi yoki auditoriyada professor sizni ahmoqqa chiqardi, yo do’stingiz bilan qattiq urushdingiz va bu manzara xayolingizdan bir necha kunlab o’chmasligi, ba’zida haftalab davom etishidir. Ko’ngilsiz voqealar to’g’risida bu yo’sinda o’ylayverish osongina odatga aylanishi mumkin va bu sizga qimmatga tushadi, chunki noxush va salbiy hislarga uzoq vaqt berilish natijasida o’zingizni klinik depressiya, alkogolizm, ovqat buzulishlari va hatto yurak va qon-tomir kasalliklari vujudga kelish xatarini birmuncha oshirasiz.
The problem is, the urge to ruminate can feel really strong and really important, so it's a difficult habit to stop. I know this for a fact, because a little over a year ago, I developed the habit myself. You see, my twin brother was diagnosed with stage 3 non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. His cancer was extremely aggressive. He had visible tumors all over his body. And he had to start a harsh course of chemotherapy. And I couldn't stop thinking about what he was going through. I couldn't stop thinking about how much he was suffering, even though he never complained, not once. He had this incredibly positive attitude. His psychological health was amazing. I was physically healthy, but psychologically, I was a mess. But I knew what to do. Studies tell us that even a two-minute distraction is sufficient to break the urge to ruminate in that moment. And so each time I had a worrying, upsetting, negative thought, I forced myself to concentrate on something else until the urge passed. And within one week, my whole outlook changed and became more positive and more hopeful.
Muammo shundaki, shilqim firlarga berilish ehtiyojdek va o’ta zarurdek tuyilishi mumkin, shu bois bu odatdan voz kechish mushkul. Ishonch bilan aytishimga sabab bir yilcha avval bu odatni o’zimda rivojlantirdim. Egizak akamga 3-darajali Xodginning limfomasi tashxisi qo’yildi. Undagi saraton nihoyatda shafqatsiz edi. O’simtalar uning butun tanasi bo’ylab tarqalgandi. Va u og’ir kimyoterapiyani boshlashi kerak edi. Uning kechinmalari haqida o’ylashdan o’zimni tiyolmasdim. U ahvolidan sira nolimagan, atigi bir martayam, ammo uning nechog’lik azob tortayotgani haqidagi fikr meni tinch qo'ymasdi. Unda g’aroyib ijobiy munosabat bor edi. Uning ruhiy sog'ligi havas qilarli edi. Men jismonan sog’lom, ammo ruhiy jihatdan yaroqsiz holda edim. Lek nima qilishni bilardim Tadqiqotlarning ko’rsatishicha, bor-yog’i ikki daqiqaga o’zingizni chalg’tish o'sha daqiqadayoq shilqim fikrlardan qutulish chun yetarli Va har gal menda tashvishlanarli, dilni xufton qiluvchi salbiy fikrlar paydo bo’lsa, boshqa narsaga diqqat qaratishga tirishdim. Bir haftadayoq, mening barcha qarashlarim o’zgardi va yanada ijobiy, umidga to'la inson bo'la boshladim.
[Battle Negative Thinking]
[Salbiy fikrlarga qarshi kurashing]
Nine weeks after he started chemotherapy, my brother had a CAT scan, and I was by his side when he got the results. All the tumors were gone. He still had three more rounds of chemotherapy to go, but we knew he would recover. This picture was taken two weeks ago.
Kimyoterapiyadan to’qqiz hafta o’tib, akam kompyuter tomografiyasidan o’tdi, natijalarini qo’liga olganda, uning oldida edim. Barcha o’simtalar g’oyib bo’lgan. U yana uch kimyoterapiyani bardosh berishi kerak edi, ammo tuzalishini bilardi. Bu sur’at uch hafta oldin olingan.
By taking action when you're lonely, by changing your responses to failure, by protecting your self-esteem, by battling negative thinking, you won't just heal your psychological wounds, you will build emotional resilience, you will thrive. A hundred years ago, people began practicing personal hygiene, and life expectancy rates rose by over 50 percent in just a matter of decades. I believe our quality of life could rise just as dramatically if we all began practicing emotional hygiene.
Yolg’izligingizda biror chora ko’rish, mag’lubiyatga bo’lgan munosabatingizni o’zgartirish, o’zingizga bo’lgan bahoni avaylash, salbiy fikrlashga qarshi kurashish orqali ruhiy jarohatingizni tuzatibgina qolmaysiz, balki ruhiy chidamlilikni yaratasiz, o’sa boshlaysiz. Bundan yuz yil muqaddam, odamlar shaxsiy gigiyenaga amal qila boshlaganlar va umr ko’rish yoshi bor-yog’I bir asr ichida 50 foizdan ortiq o’sgan. Agar barchamiz hissiy gigiyenaga amal qilsak, turmushimiz sifati ham xuddi shunday o’sishiga aminman.
Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone was psychologically healthier? If there were less loneliness and less depression? If people knew how to overcome failure? If they felt better about themselves and more empowered? If they were happier and more fulfilled? I can, because that's the world I want to live in. And that's the world my brother wants to live in as well. And if you just become informed and change a few simple habits, well -- that's the world we can all live in.
Hamma ruhiy sog’lomroq bo’lgan sayyora ko'rinishini tasavvur qila olasizmi? Yolg’izlik va depressiya kamroq bo’lganida? Odamlar qanday qilib mag’lubiyatni yengishni bilganlarida? O’zi tog’risida iliqroq hislarni tuyganda va yengilmas his etganda? Baxtliroq va qanoatliroq bo’lganlarida? Men tasavvur qila olaman, chunki bu men yashashni istaydigan dunyo. Akam ham shunday dunyoda umrguzaronlik qilishni istaydi. Kerakli ma'lumotlarga ega bo'lib bir ikki oddiy odatlarni o’zgartirsangiz, xo'sh -- bunday sayyorada hammamiz yashay olamiz.
Thank you very much.
Katta rahmat.
(Applause)
(Qarsaklar)