I grew up with my identical twin, who was an incredibly loving brother. Now, one thing about being a twin is, it makes you an expert at spotting favoritism. If his cookie was even slightly bigger than my cookie, I had questions. And clearly, I wasn't starving.
Saya tumbuh bersama kembar identik saya, dia adalah saudara yang penuh kasih. Sebagai anak kembar, biasanya akan mudah sekali mengenali sikap pilih kasih. Apabila biskuitnya agak lebih besar dari saya, saya bertanya-tanya. Dan tampak jelas di sini, saya tidak pernah kelaparan.
(Laughter)
(Tertawa)
When I became a psychologist, I began to notice favoritism of a different kind; and that is, how much more we value the body than we do the mind. I spent nine years at university earning my doctorate in psychology, and I can't tell you how many people look at my business card and say, "Oh -- a psychologist. So, not a real doctor," as if it should say that on my card.
Ketika menjadi seorang psikolog, saya mengenali sikap pilih kasih lain, yaitu perhatian lebih terhadap tubuh dan bukannya pikiran. Saya belajar 9 tahun di universitas untuk memperoleh gelar doktor psikologi, namun banyak orang yang melihat kartu nama saya lalu berkata, "Oh, psikolog. Jadi bukan dokter sungguhan," yang seharusnya tercantum pada kartu nama saya.
[Dr. Guy Winch, Just a Psychologist (Not a Real Doctor)]
(Tertawa)
(Laughter)
This favoritism we show the body over the mind -- I see it everywhere.
Sikap pilih kasih terhadap tubuh ini bisa saya lihat di mana-mana.
I recently was at a friend's house, and their five-year-old was getting ready for bed. He was standing on a stool by the sink, brushing his teeth, when he slipped and scratched his leg on the stool when he fell. He cried for a minute, but then he got back up, got back on the stool, and reached out for a box of Band-Aids to put one on his cut. Now, this kid could barely tie his shoelaces, but he knew you have to cover a cut so it doesn't become infected, and you have to care for your teeth by brushing twice a day. We all know how to maintain our physical health and how to practice dental hygiene, right? We've known it since we were five years old. But what do we know about maintaining our psychological health? Well, nothing. What do we teach our children about emotional hygiene? Nothing. How is it that we spend more time taking care of our teeth than we do our minds? Why is it that our physical health is so much more important to us than our psychological health?
Baru-baru ini saya ke rumah teman, dan anak mereka yang berusia 5 tahun sedang bersiap tidur. Dia berdiri di atas kursi dekat wastafel, menggosok giginya, lalu tergelincir dan kakinya terkena kursi ketika jatuh. Dia menangis sebentar, namun kemudian bangkit, naik ke kursi dan mengambil plester untuk dipakaikan pada lukanya. Anak ini bahkan belum bisa mengikat tali sepatunya, namun dia tahu bahwa luka harus ditutup agar tidak terkena infeksi, dan kita juga harus merawat gigi dengan gosok gigi dua kali sehari. Kita semua tahu cara menjaga kesehatan fisik, dan kesehatan mulut kita, bukan? Kita sudah tahu sejak kita berusia lima tahun. Namun apa yang kita ketahui tentang memelihara kesehatan psikologis? Tidak ada sama sekali. Apa yang kita ajarkan pada anak kita tentang higiene emosional? Tidak ada. Mengapa kita menghabiskan lebih banyak waktu merawat gigi kita, tapi tidak pikiran kita? Mengapa kesehatan fisik kita lebih penting bagi kita daripada kesehatan psikologis kita?
We sustain psychological injuries even more often than we do physical ones, injuries like failure or rejection or loneliness. And they can also get worse if we ignore them, and they can impact our lives in dramatic ways. And yet, even though there are scientifically proven techniques we could use to treat these kinds of psychological injuries, we don't. It doesn't even occur to us that we should. "Oh, you're feeling depressed? Just shake it off; it's all in your head." Can you imagine saying that to somebody with a broken leg: "Oh, just walk it off; it's all in your leg."
Kita mengalami luka psikologis jauh lebih sering daripada luka fisik, luka seperti rasa gagal, penolakan, atau pun rasa kesepian. Luka itu juga semakin parah bila kita mengabaikannya, dan luka tersebut berdampak terhadap hidup kita secara dramatis. Walaupun ada teknik yang secara ilmiah teruji, dan dapat kita gunakan untuk mengatasi luka psikologis semacam ini, kita tidak melakukannya. Bahkan tidak terpikir bahwa kita perlu melakukannya. "Oh, kau merasa depresi? Sudah lupakan, semua hanya dalam pikiranmu saja." Bagaimana jika mengatakan hal yang sama kepada seseorang yang kakinya patah: "Oh, dibawa jalan saja, semua hanya di kakimu saja."
(Laughter)
(Tertawa)
It is time we closed the gap between our physical and our psychological health. It's time we made them more equal, more like twins.
Sudah waktunya kita mengakhiri kesenjangan antara kesehatan fisik dan psikologis. Sudah waktunya kita membuat keduanya setara, seperti kembar.
Speaking of which, my brother is also a psychologist. So he's not a real doctor, either.
Saudara kandung saya juga seorang psikolog. Jadi dia juga bukan dokter sungguhan.
(Laughter)
(Tertawa)
We didn't study together, though. In fact, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life is move across the Atlantic to New York City to get my doctorate in psychology. We were apart then for the first time in our lives, and the separation was brutal for both of us. But while he remained among family and friends, I was alone in a new country. We missed each other terribly, but international phone calls were really expensive then, and we could only afford to speak for five minutes a week. When our birthday rolled around, it was the first we wouldn't be spending together. We decided to splurge, and that week, we would talk for 10 minutes.
Namun, kami tidak belajar bersama-sama. Hal tersulit yang pernah saya lakukan dalam hidup adalah pindah melintas Atlantik ke New York City untuk memperoleh gelar doktor saya di bidang psikologi. Saat itu kami berpisah untuk pertama kalinya dalam hidup kami, dan perpisahan tersebut sangatlah berat bagi kami berdua. Dia tetap dekat dengan keluarga dan kerabat, saya seorang diri di sebuah negara asing. Kita merasa saling kehilangan, namun telepon internasional masih sangat mahal saat itu, dan kita hanya bisa berbicara lima menit per minggu. Ketika ulang tahun kami tiba, itu pertama kalinya kami tidak merayakannya bersama. Lalu kami hendak merayakannya dan berbincang di telepon selama 10 menit.
(Laughter)
Sepanjang pagi saya mondar-mandir di kamar, menunggu teleponnya --
I spent the morning pacing around my room, waiting for him to call -- and waiting ... and waiting. But the phone didn't ring. Given the time difference, I assumed, "OK, he's out with friends, he'll call later." There were no cell phones then. But he didn't. And I began to realize that after being away for over 10 months, he no longer missed me the way I missed him. I knew he would call in the morning, but that night was one of the saddest and longest nights of my life. I woke up the next morning. I glanced down at the phone, and I realized I had kicked it off the hook when pacing the day before. I stumbled out of bed, I put the phone back on the receiver, and it rang a second later. And it was my brother, and boy, was he pissed.
saya menunggu, namun telepon tetap belum berbunyi. Mengingat perbedaan waktu, saya mengira, "Mungkin dia keluar dengan teman, dan akan menelepon nanti." Saat itu belum ada telepon seluler. Namun dia tidak menelepon. Dan saya mulai sadar, sesudah berpisah selama 10 bulan, dia tidak lagi kehilangan saya, namun saya masih kehilangan dia. Saya tahu dia akan telepon besoknya, namun malam itu adalah malam tersedih dan terpanjang dalam hidup saya. Saya bangun keesokan harinya. Saya memandang telepon, ternyata saya menendangnya sampai terlepas dari sambungan, saat malamnya mondar-mandir. Saya loncat dari tempat tidur, mengembalikan telepon, sedetik kemudian telepon berbunyi, saudara saya menelepon, dan dia sangat marah.
(Laughter)
(Tertawa)
It was the saddest and longest night of his life as well. Now, I tried to explain what happened, but he said, "I don't understand. If you saw I wasn't calling you, why didn't you just pick up the phone and call me?" He was right. Why didn't I call him? I didn't have an answer then. But I do today, and it's a simple one: loneliness.
Semalam merupakan malam tersedih dan terpanjang baginya juga. Saya berusaha menjelaskan, tapi dia berkata, "Aku bingung. Kalau tahu aku tidak menelepon, kenapa kau tidak mengangkat telepon dan menelepon aku?" Dia benar sekali. Mengapa saya tidak menelepon dia? Saat itu, saya tidak tahu jawabannya, namun saya tahu sekarang, jawabannya sederhana: rasa kesepian.
Loneliness creates a deep psychological wound, one that distorts our perceptions and scrambles our thinking. It makes us believe that those around us care much less than they actually do. It make us really afraid to reach out, because why set yourself up for rejection and heartache when your heart is already aching more than you can stand? I was in the grips of real loneliness back then, but I was surrounded by people all day, so it never occurred to me. But loneliness is defined purely subjectively. It depends solely on whether you feel emotionally or socially disconnected from those around you. And I did. There is a lot of research on loneliness, and all of it is horrifying. Loneliness won't just make you miserable; it will kill you. I'm not kidding. Chronic loneliness increases your likelihood of an early death by 14 percent. Fourteen percent! Loneliness causes high blood pressure, high cholesterol. It even suppress the functioning of your immune system, making you vulnerable to all kinds of illnesses and diseases. In fact, scientists have concluded that taken together, chronic loneliness poses as significant a risk for your long-term health and longevity as cigarette smoking. Now, cigarette packs come with warnings saying, "This could kill you." But loneliness doesn't. And that's why it's so important that we prioritize our psychological health, that we practice emotional hygiene. Because you can't treat a psychological wound if you don't even know you're injured. Loneliness isn't the only psychological wound that distorts our perceptions and misleads us.
Rasa kesepian menciptakan luka psikologis yang mendalam, yang merusak persepsi kita dan mengacaukan pemikiran kita. Kepedulian orang sekitar jadi terasa kurang, walau sebenarnya tidak. Kita menjadi takut untuk mengulurkan tangan, karena merasa, mengapa membuka diri terhadap penolakan dan sakit hati, jika hati kita sudah terluka melebihi kekuatan kita? Saat itu saya dirundung rasa kesepian yang sangat nyata, yang tak terpikirkan karena saya dikelilingi banyak orang sepanjang hari. Namun rasa kesepian itu didefinisikan dengan sangat subyektif. Tergantung, apakah Anda merasa terputus secara emosional mau pun sosial dari orang di sekitar Anda. Dan saya merasa demikian. Ada banyak riset tentang rasa kesepian, semua hasilnya mengerikan. Rasa kesepian bukan hanya akan membuat Anda sedih, namun dapat membunuh Anda. Saya tidak main-main. Rasa kesepian kronis meningkatkan kemungkinan kematian dini sebanyak 14 persen. Rasa kesepian mengakibatkan tekanan darah tinggi, kolesterol tinggi. Bahkan menekan fungsi sistem imun Anda, sehingga Anda rentan terhadap berbagai penyakit. Bahkan, ilmuwan menyimpulkan bahwa, rasa kesepian kronis menimbulkan risiko signifikan yang sama terhadap kesehatan jangka panjang dan umur panjang, seperti halnya rokok. Sekotak rokok disertai peringatan, "Rokok dapat membunuh Anda." Tidak demikian dengan rasa kesepian. Oleh karena itu, memprioritaskan kesehatan psikologis sangatlah penting, agar kita terbiasa dengan higiene emosional. Karena Anda tidak dapat mengobati luka psikologis, jika tidak tahu bahwa Anda telah terluka. Rasa kesepian bukanlah satu-satunya luka psikologis yang merusak persepsi kita dan menyesatkan kita.
Failure does that as well. I once visited a day care center, where I saw three toddlers play with identical plastic toys. You had to slide the red button, and a cute doggie would pop out. One little girl tried pulling the purple button, then pushing it, and then she just sat back and looked at the box with her lower lip trembling. The little boy next to her watched this happen, then turned to his box and burst into tears without even touching it. Meanwhile, another little girl tried everything she could think of until she slid the red button, the cute doggie popped out, and she squealed with delight. So: three toddlers with identical plastic toys, but with very different reactions to failure. The first two toddlers were perfectly capable of sliding a red button. The only thing that prevented them from succeeding was that their mind tricked them into believing they could not. Now, adults get tricked this way as well, all the time. In fact, we all have a default set of feelings and beliefs that gets triggered whenever we encounter frustrations and setbacks.
Kegagalan juga memiliki dampak yang sama. Saya pernah mengunjungi tempat penitipan anak, ada tiga anak batita bermain mainan plastik yang mirip. Jika tombol merah pada mainan digeser, seekor anjing mainan akan keluar. Satu gadis kecil berusaha menarik tombol ungu, lalu menariknya, kemudian terduduk memandangi kotak dengan bibir bawah bergetar. Anak lelaki di sebelahnya menyaksikan hal ini, lalu dia memandangi kotaknya sendiri dan menangis tiba-tiba. Sementara itu, gadis kecil lainnya berusaha keras, dan akhirnya menggeser tombol merah, boneka anjingnya loncat keluar, dan dia berteriak girang. Tiga anak batita dengan mainan plastik yang mirip, memiliki reaksi berbeda terhadap kegagalan. Dua anak batita pertama sebenarnya mampu untuk menggeser tombol merah. Satu-satunya hal yang mencegah kesuksesan mereka adalah bahwa otak mereka membuat mereka berpikir bahwa mereka tak bisa. Orang dewasa juga dapat tertipu seperti ini, sepanjang waktu. Bahkan, kita memiliki satu set perasaan dan kepercayaan yang terpicu kapan pun kita mengalami frustrasi dan kemunduran.
Are you aware of how your mind reacts to failure? You need to be. Because if your mind tries to convince you you're incapable of something, and you believe it, then like those two toddlers, you'll begin to feel helpless and you'll stop trying too soon, or you won't even try at all. And then you'll be even more convinced you can't succeed. You see, that's why so many people function below their actual potential. Because somewhere along the way, sometimes a single failure convinced them that they couldn't succeed, and they believed it.
Bagaimana pikiran bereaksi terhadap kegagalan? Anda perlu tahu. Karena jika pikiran berusaha meyakinkan bahwa Anda tidak mampu, dan Anda memercayainya, maka seperti kedua anak batita itu, Anda mulai merasa tidak berdaya, dan Anda akan berhenti berusaha atau bahkan tidak akan berusaha. Kemudian Anda akan semakin yakin bahwa Anda tidak dapat sukses. Itulah mengapa banyak orang berada dalam keadaan di bawah potensinya. Karena terkadang satu kegagalan saja meyakinkan bahwa mereka tidak akan sukses, dan mereka memercayainya.
Once we become convinced of something, it's very difficult to change our mind. I learned that lesson the hard way when I was a teenager with my brother. We were driving with friends down a dark road at night, when a police car stopped us. There had been a robbery in the area and they were looking for suspects. The officer approached the car, and shined his flashlight on the driver, then on my brother in the front seat, and then on me. And his eyes opened wide and he said, "Where have I seen your face before?"
Sekali kita yakin akan sesuatu, sangatlah sulit mengubah pemikiran kita. Saya belajar ini dengan cara yang keras, saat remaja bersama kembar saya. Kita sedang berkendara dengan teman melalui jalan gelap di malam hari, lalu polisi menghentikan kami. Di wilayah itu telah terjadi perampokan dan mereka mencari si tersangka. Polisi menghampiri mobil kami, dan menyorot pengemudi dengan senter, kemudian kepada kembar saya di kursi depan, lalu kepada saya. Matanya membesar dan dia berkata, "Di mana aku lihat wajahmu sebelumnya?"
(Laughter)
(Tertawa)
And I said, "In the front seat."
Saya berkata, "Di kursi depan."
(Laughter)
(Tertawa)
But that made no sense to him whatsoever, so now he thought I was on drugs.
Namun hal ini sama sekali tidak masuk akal baginya. Jadi dia kira, saya di bawah pengaruh obat.
(Laughter)
(Tertawa)
So he drags me out of the car, he searches me, he marches me over to the police car, and only when he verified I didn't have a police record, could I show him I had a twin in the front seat. But even as we were driving away, you could see by the look on his face he was convinced that I was getting away with something.
Lalu dia menarik saya keluar mobil, menggeledah saya, mengawal saya ke mobil polisi, dan sesudah dia yakin, saya tak memiliki catatan kejahatan, saya dapat menunjukkan padanya bahwa kembar saya duduk di kursi depan. Namun bahkan saat kami pergi, raut wajahnya menunjukkan, bahwa dia yakin saya lolos melakukan sesuatu tanpa tertangkap.
(Laughter)
Sekali kita yakin akan sesuatu, sulit bagi pikiran kita untuk berubah.
Our mind is hard to change once we become convinced. So it might be very natural to feel demoralized and defeated after you fail. But you cannot allow yourself to become convinced you can't succeed. You have to fight feelings of helplessness. You have to gain control over the situation. And you have to break this kind of negative cycle before it begins.
Jadi sangatlah alami jika merasa terpukul dan kalah sesudah gagal. Namun jangan biarkan pikiran diyakinkan bahwa Anda tak akan sukses. Anda harus berjuang melawan perasaan tidak berdaya. Anda harus mengambil kendali terhadap situasi. Dan Anda harus memutuskan siklus negatif ini sebelum terlambat.
[Stop Emotional Bleeding]
Our minds and our feelings -- they're not the trustworthy friends we thought they were. They're more like a really moody friend, who can be totally supportive one minute, and really unpleasant the next. I once worked with this woman who, after 20 years marriage and an extremely ugly divorce, was finally ready for her first date. She had met this guy online, and he seemed nice and he seemed successful, and most importantly, he seemed really into her. So she was very excited, she bought a new dress, and they met at an upscale New York City bar for a drink. Ten minutes into the date, the man stands up and says, "I'm not interested," and walks out. Rejection is extremely painful. The woman was so hurt she couldn't move. All she could do was call a friend. Here's what the friend said: "Well, what do you expect? You have big hips, you have nothing interesting to say. Why would a handsome, successful man like that ever go out with a loser like you?" Shocking, right, that a friend could be so cruel? But it would be much less shocking if I told you it wasn't the friend who said that. It's what the woman said to herself. And that's something we all do, especially after a rejection. We all start thinking of all our faults and all our shortcomings, what we wish we were, what we wish we weren't. We call ourselves names. Maybe not as harshly, but we all do it. And it's interesting that we do, because our self-esteem is already hurting. Why would we want to go and damage it even further? We wouldn't make a physical injury worse on purpose. You wouldn't get a cut on your arm and decide, "Oh! I know -- I'm going to take a knife and see how much deeper I can make it."
Pikiran dan perasaan kita, bukanlah teman terpercaya sebagaimana yang kita kira. Hanya seperti teman dengan suasana hati berubah-ubah, yang suatu saat sangat mendukung, dan saat lain tidak menyenangkan. Saya pernah bekerja dengan seorang wanita yang sesudah 20 tahun pernikahan dan perceraian yang sangat berat, akhirnya siap untuk berkencan untuk pertama kalinya. Dia bertemu seseorang di dunia maya, lelaki yang tampak baik dan sukses, dan yang terpenting, tampak sangat tertarik padanya. Jadi dia sangat bersemangat, membeli sebuah gaun baru, dan mereka bertemu di bar kelas atas New York untuk minum. Sepuluh menit berlalu, si lelaki berdiri dan berkata, "Saya tidak tertarik," lalu pergi. Penolakan sangatlah menyakitkan. Si wanita sangat terluka sampai terdiam. Dia menelepon seorang teman. Ini yang dikatakan temannya: "Ya, apa lagi yang kau harapkan? Pinggulmu besar, perbincanganmu tidak menarik, mengapa seseorang yang tampan dan sukses seperti dia mau berkencan dengan seorang pecundang seperti kau?" Mengejutkan, seorang teman berkata kasar seperti itu? Namun, hal ini tidak akan mengejutkan, jika bukan temannya yang mengatakannya. Itulah yang dikatakan wanita itu pada dirinya sendiri. Dan itulah yang kita semua lakukan, terutama sesudah penolakan. Kita langsung memikirkan semua kesalahan dan kekurangan kita, hal yang kita inginkan, yang tidak kita inginkan, kita mengatai diri sendiri. Mungkin tidak sekasar itu, namun kita semua melakukannya. Mengapa kita masih melakukannya jika harga diri kita sudah sakit? Mengapa kita justru semakin menyakitinya? Kita tak akan sengaja membuat luka fisik lebih parah. Ketika lengan terluka, Anda tidak akan berkata, "Oh, aku tahu! Aku akan mengambil pisau dan membuat luka ini lebih dalam."
But we do that with psychological injuries all the time. Why? Because of poor emotional hygiene. Because we don't prioritize our psychological health. We know from dozens of studies that when your self-esteem is lower, you are more vulnerable to stress and to anxiety; that failures and rejections hurt more, and it takes longer to recover from them. So when you get rejected, the first thing you should be doing is to revive your self-esteem, not join Fight Club and beat it into a pulp. When you're in emotional pain, treat yourself with the same compassion you would expect from a truly good friend.
Namun kita selalu saja melakukan hal ini terhadap luka psikologis kita. Mengapa? Karena higiene emosional kita yang buruk. Karena kita tidak memprioritaskan kesehatan psikologis. Banyak riset mengatakan bahwa saat harga diri sedang rendah, Anda akan lebih rentan terhadap stres dan kegelisahan, kegagalan dan penolakan lebih sakit dan lebih lama sembuh. Jadi ketika tertolak, hal pertama yang seharusnya Anda lakukan adalah membangkitkan harga diri Anda, bukan memukulnya sampai babak belur. Ketika Anda merasa sakit secara emosional, perlakukan diri Anda dengan rasa kasih yang sama seperti dari seorang teman baik.
[Protect Your Self-Esteem]
Kita harus menangkap kebiasaan psikologis yang buruk dan mengubahnya.
We have to catch our unhealthy psychological habits and change them. And one of unhealthiest and most common is called rumination. To ruminate means to chew over. It's when your boss yells at you or your professor makes you feel stupid in class, or you have big fight with a friend and you just can't stop replaying the scene in your head for days, sometimes for weeks on end. Now, ruminating about upsetting events in this way can easily become a habit, and it's a very costly one, because by spending so much time focused on upsetting and negative thoughts, you are actually putting yourself at significant risk for developing clinical depression, alcoholism, eating disorders, and even cardiovascular disease.
Salah satu yang paling tidak sehat dan paling umum dinamakan ruminasi. Ruminasi adalah mengunyah ulang. Yaitu ketika atasan meneriaki Anda, atau dosen membuat Anda merasa bodoh, atau Anda berkelahi dengan seorang teman, dan Anda tidak dapat berhenti mengulangi kejadian itu dari benak Anda berhari-hari, terkadang berminggu-minggu. Mengulang kejadian yang menjengkelkan seperti ini dengan mudah menjadi kebiasaan, kebiasaan yang sangat mahal. Karena dengan menghabiskan waktu fokus pada pikiran buruk yang negatif, Anda sedang menempatkan diri pada risiko besar untuk mengembangkan depresi klinis, alkoholisme, gangguan makan, bahkan penyakit kardiovaskular.
The problem is, the urge to ruminate can feel really strong and really important, so it's a difficult habit to stop. I know this for a fact, because a little over a year ago, I developed the habit myself. You see, my twin brother was diagnosed with stage 3 non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. His cancer was extremely aggressive. He had visible tumors all over his body. And he had to start a harsh course of chemotherapy. And I couldn't stop thinking about what he was going through. I couldn't stop thinking about how much he was suffering, even though he never complained, not once. He had this incredibly positive attitude. His psychological health was amazing. I was physically healthy, but psychologically, I was a mess. But I knew what to do. Studies tell us that even a two-minute distraction is sufficient to break the urge to ruminate in that moment. And so each time I had a worrying, upsetting, negative thought, I forced myself to concentrate on something else until the urge passed. And within one week, my whole outlook changed and became more positive and more hopeful.
Masalahnya adalah keinginan untuk ruminasi ini terasa sangat kuat, sehingga menjadi kebiasaan yang sulit dihentikan. Saya tahu pasti, karena sekitar setahun lalu, saya sendiri mengembangkan kebiasaan ini. Saudara kembar saya didiagnosis dengan limfoma non-Hodgkin stadium III. Kankernya sangat agresif. Dia memiliki tumor yang tampak di seluruh tubuhnya. Dan dia harus memulai serangkaian kemoterapi yang berat. Dan saya tidak dapat berhenti memikirkan apa yang sedang dialaminya. Saya tidak dapat berhenti memikirkan betapa menderitanya dia, walaupun dia tidak pernah sekali pun mengeluh. Dia memiliki sikap yang luar biasa positif. Kesehatan psikologisnya luar biasa. Saya sehat secara fisik, namun secara psikologis saya sangat berantakan. Namun saya tahu apa yang harus saya lakukan. Riset menunjukkan bahwa pengalihan perhatian bahkan selama dua menit saja, cukup untuk memutuskan keinginan untuk merenung pada saat itu. Jadi setiap saat saya mulai khawatir, berpikiran buruk, dan negatif, saya memaksa diri untuk konsentrasi pada hal lain sampai dorongan itu hilang. Dan dalam waktu satu minggu, seluruh cara pandang saya berubah, dan menjadi lebih positif, dan berpengharapan.
[Battle Negative Thinking]
Nine weeks after he started chemotherapy, my brother had a CAT scan, and I was by his side when he got the results. All the tumors were gone. He still had three more rounds of chemotherapy to go, but we knew he would recover. This picture was taken two weeks ago.
Sembilan minggu sesudah memulai kemoterapi, dia menjalani CAT scan, dan saya berada di sisinya ketika dia memperoleh hasilnya. Semua tumor telah hilang. Dia masih harus menjalani tiga putaran kemoterapi, namun kita tahu bahwa dia akan sembuh. Foto ini diambil dua minggu lalu.
By taking action when you're lonely, by changing your responses to failure, by protecting your self-esteem, by battling negative thinking, you won't just heal your psychological wounds, you will build emotional resilience, you will thrive. A hundred years ago, people began practicing personal hygiene, and life expectancy rates rose by over 50 percent in just a matter of decades. I believe our quality of life could rise just as dramatically if we all began practicing emotional hygiene.
Dengan mengambil tindakan saat Anda sedang merasa kesepian, dengan mengubah respons Anda terhadap kegagalan, dengan melindungi harga diri Anda, dengan melawan pemikiran negatif, Anda bukan saja menyembuhkan luka psikologis Anda, Anda akan membangun ketahanan emosional, Anda akan maju. Seratus tahun lalu, orang mulai menerapkan higiene pribadi, dan tingkat harapan hidup meningkat sebanyak lebih dari 50 persen, hanya dalam beberapa dekade. Saya percaya kualitas hidup kita dapat meningkat secara dramatis, jika kita semua mulai menerapkan higiene emosional.
Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone was psychologically healthier? If there were less loneliness and less depression? If people knew how to overcome failure? If they felt better about themselves and more empowered? If they were happier and more fulfilled? I can, because that's the world I want to live in. And that's the world my brother wants to live in as well. And if you just become informed and change a few simple habits, well -- that's the world we can all live in.
Bayangkan bagaimana dunia ini, apabila semua orang lebih sehat secara psikologis? Apabila rasa kesepian dan depresi berkurang? Apabila orang tahu cara mengatasi kegagalan? Bila mereka merasa lebih baik dan lebih berdaya tentang dirinya? Apabila mereka lebih bahagia dan terpenuhi? Saya dapat membayangkannya, karena itulah dunia yang ingin saya tinggali, dan itulah dunia yang ingin ditinggali saudara saya juga. Dan apabila Anda tahu serta mengubah beberapa kebiasaan kecil, itulah dunia yang bisa ditinggali semua orang.
Thank you very much.
Terima kasih banyak.
(Applause)
(Tepuk tangan)