The world makes you something that you're not, but you know inside what you are, and that question burns in your heart: How will you become that? I may be somewhat unique in this, but I am not alone, not alone at all. So when I became a fashion model, I felt that I'd finally achieved the dream that I'd always wanted since I was a young child. My outside self finally matched my inner truth, my inner self. For complicated reasons which I'll get to later, when I look at this picture, at that time I felt like, Geena, you've done it, you've made it, you have arrived. But this past October, I realized that I'm only just beginning. All of us are put in boxes by our family, by our religion, by our society, our moment in history, even our own bodies. Some people have the courage to break free, not to accept the limitations imposed by the color of their skin or by the beliefs of those that surround them. Those people are always the threat to the status quo, to what is considered acceptable.
Svet vas tvori u nešto što niste, ali vi u sebi znate ko ste, i ovo pitanje tinja u vašim srcima: kako ćete da postanete ta osoba? Ja sam možda jedinstvena u ovome, ali nisam sama, ne uopšte. Kada sam postala model pomislila sam da sam konačno ostvarila san koji sam želela još od detinjstva. Moj izgled se konačno poklapao sa mojom unutrašnjom istinom, mojim unutrašnjim identitetom. Iz komplikovanih razloga, kojih ću se kasnije dotaći, kada pogledam ovu sliku u to vreme sam pomislila: Džina, uradila si to, uspela si, došla si do cilja. Međutim, prošlog oktobra shvatila sam da sam tek na početku. Naša porodica, religija društvo, trenuci u istoriji, čak i naša tela stavljaju nas u određene kutije. Neki ljudi smognu hrabrosti da se oslobode i ne prihvate ograničenja koja je nametnula boja njihove kože ili verovanja onih koji ih okružuju. Ti su ljudi večita pretnja statusu kvo, onome što se smatra prihvatljivim.
In my case, for the last nine years, some of my neighbors, some of my friends, colleagues, even my agent, did not know about my history. I think, in mystery, this is called the reveal. Here is mine.
U mom slučaju, poslednjih 9 godina, neki od mojih suseda, prijatelja, kolega, čak ni moj agent nisu znali za moju prošlost. Mislim da se u misterijama ovo zove otkriće. A evo i mog.
I was assigned boy at birth based on the appearance of my genitalia. I remember when I was five years old in the Philippines walking around our house, I would always wear this t-shirt on my head. And my mom asked me, "How come you always wear that t-shirt on your head?" I said, "Mom, this is my hair. I'm a girl." I knew then how to self-identify.
po rođenju dodeljena mi je etiketa "dečak" na osnovu izgleda mojih genitalija. Sećam se kada sam sa 5 godina na Filipinima hodala po kući i uvek nosila majicu na glavi. I mama bi me pitala: "Zašto uvek nosiš majicu na glavi?" Ja bih joj rekla: "Ovo je moja kosa. Ja sam devojčica." Tada sam znala kako da se samoidentifikujem.
Gender has always been considered a fact, immutable, but we now know it's actually more fluid, complex and mysterious. Because of my success, I never had the courage to share my story, not because I thought what I am is wrong, but because of how the world treats those of us who wish to break free. Every day, I am so grateful because I am a woman. I have a mom and dad and family who accepted me for who I am. Many are not so fortunate.
Rod se uvek vodio kao činjenica, nešto neosporno, ali sada znamo da je on zapravo fleksibilniji, složeniji i misteriozniji. Zbog svog uspeha nikada nisam imala hrabrosti da podelim svoju priču, ne zato što sam mislila da je moj identitet pogrešan nego zbog načina na koji svet tretira one koji žele da se oslobode stega. Svaki dan sam zahvalna što sam žena. Imam svoju mamu i tatu i porodicu koji su me prihvatili onakvu kakva sam. Mnogi nisu te sreće.
There's a long tradition in Asian culture that celebrates the fluid mystery of gender. There is a Buddhist goddess of compassion. There is a Hindu goddess, hijra goddess. So when I was eight years old, I was at a fiesta in the Philippines celebrating these mysteries. I was in front of the stage, and I remember, out comes this beautiful woman right in front of me, and I remember that moment something hit me: That is the kind of woman I would like to be. So when I was 15 years old, still dressing as a boy, I met this woman named T.L. She is a transgender beauty pageant manager. That night she asked me, "How come you are not joining the beauty pageant?" She convinced me that if I joined that she would take care of the registration fee and the garments, and that night, I won best in swimsuit and best in long gown and placed second runner up among 40-plus candidates. That moment changed my life. All of a sudden, I was introduced to the world of beauty pageants. Not a lot of people could say that your first job is a pageant queen for transgender women, but I'll take it.
Postoji duga tradicija u azijskoj kulturi koja slavi fleksibilnu misteriju roda. Postoji budistička boginja saosećanja. Postoji hinduistička boginja, hidžranska boginja. Kada sam imala 8 godina bila sam na zabavi na Filipinima koja je slavila ove misterije. Bila sam u prvom redu, ispred bine i sećam se jedne prelepe žene koja je izašla odmah ispred mene. Sećam se da mi je u tom trenutku sinulo: ja bih želela da budem ovakva žena. Kada sam imala 15 godina, dok sam se i dalje oblačila kao dečak, upoznala sam ženu po imenu T.L. Ona je direktor za transrodni izbor lepote. Te noći me je pitala: "Zašto nećeš da se prijaviš na izbor?" Uverila me je da će se, ukoliko se prijavim, pobrinuti za novac za registraciju, i odeću, i te noći osvojila sam nagradu za najlepšu devojku u bikiniju i najlepšu devojku u dugoj haljini i bila sam druga pratilja među više od 40 kandidata. Taj trenutak je bio prekretnica u mom životu. Odjednom sam ušla u svet izbora lepote. Malo ko može reći da je njihov prvi posao bio kraljica lepote za transrodne žene, ali ja mogu.
So from 15 to 17 years old, I joined the most prestigious pageant to the pageant where it's at the back of the truck, literally, or sometimes it would be a pavement next to a rice field, and when it rains -- it rains a lot in the Philippines -- the organizers would have to move it inside someone's house. I also experienced the goodness of strangers, especially when we would travel in remote provinces in the Philippines. But most importantly, I met some of my best friends in that community.
Od moje 15 do 17 godine bila sam deo i najprestižnijeg izbora i izbora koji je bukvalno bio u prikolici kamiona. Nekada bi to bio trotoar pored polja pirinča, i kada bi pala kiša, na Filipinima puno pada kiša, organizatori bi premestili događaj u nečiju kuću. Takođe sam iskusila dobrotu stranaca pogotovo kada bismo putovali u udaljene provincije Filipina. Ali najvažnije, upoznala sam neke od svojih najboljih prijatelja u toj zajednici.
In 2001, my mom, who had moved to San Francisco, called me and told me that my green card petition came through, that I could now move to the United States. I resisted it. I told my mom, "Mom, I'm having fun. I'm here with my friends, I love traveling, being a beauty pageant queen." But then two weeks later she called me, she said, "Did you know that if you move to the United States you could change your name and gender marker?" That was all I needed to hear. My mom also told me to put two E's in the spelling of my name. She also came with me when I had my surgery in Thailand at 19 years old. It's interesting, in some of the most rural cities in Thailand, they perform some of the most prestigious, safe and sophisticated surgery. At that time in the United States, you needed to have surgery before you could change your name and gender marker. So in 2001, I moved to San Francisco, and I remember looking at my California driver's license with the name Geena and gender marker F. That was a powerful moment. For some people, their I.D. is their license to drive or even to get a drink, but for me, that was my license to live, to feel dignified. All of a sudden, my fears were minimized. I felt that I could conquer my dream and move to New York and be a model.
Godine 2001, moja mama, koja se preselila u San Francisko, nazvala me je i rekla da je moja molba za zelenu kartu prošla i da mogu da se preselim u SAD. Opirala sam se tome. Rekla sam mami: "Mama, zabavljam se. Ovde sam sa prijateljima. Volim da putujem i volim što sam misica." Posle 2 nedelje ponovo me je nazvala i rekla: "Da li znaš da ako se preseliš u SAD, mogla bi da promeniš ime i pol?" To je bilo sve što sam trebala da čujem. Mama mi je rekla da stavim dva slova "e" u svoje ime. Takođe je pošla sa mnom kada sam išla na operaciju na Tajlandu sa 19 godina. Zanimljivo je to da se u nekim najruralnijim gradovima na Tajlandu vrše neke od najprestižnijih, najsigurnijih i najsofisticiranijih operacija. U to vreme u SAD-u morao si prvo da odeš na operaciju pre nego što možeš da promeniš svoje ime i rodnu pripadnost. 2001. preselila sam se u San Francisko i sećam se kako sam gledala svoju vozačku dozvolu na kojoj je pisalo Džina i pol Ž. To je bio moćan trenutak. Za neke ljude njihova lična karta je dozvola za vožnju ili čak konzumiranje alkohola, ali za mene je ona bila dozvola za život, za dostojanstvo. Odjednom, svi moji strahovi su postali manji. Osećala sam da mogu da ostvarim svoj san, preselim se u Njujork i postanem model.
Many are not so fortunate. I think of this woman named Islan Nettles. She's from New York, she's a young woman who was courageously living her truth, but hatred ended her life. For most of my community, this is the reality in which we live. Our suicide rate is nine times higher than that of the general population. Every November 20, we have a global vigil for Transgender Day of Remembrance. I'm here at this stage because it's a long history of people who fought and stood up for injustice. This is Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera. Today, this very moment, is my real coming out. I could no longer live my truth for and by myself. I want to do my best to help others live their truth without shame and terror. I am here, exposed, so that one day there will never be a need for a November 20 vigil.
Mnogi nisu te sreće. Mislim na jednu ženu koja se zove Ajla Netls. Iz Njujorka je i ona je mlada žena koja je hrabro živela prema svojoj istini, ali je mržnja okončala njen život. Za većinu moje zajednice, ovo je realnost u kojoj živimo. Naša stopa samoubistva je 9 puta viša u odnosu na generalnu populaciju. Svakog 20. novembra imamo globalno bdenje u spomen Dana transrodnosti. Ja sam na ovoj bini zbog duge istorije borbe ljudi koji su se usprotivili nepravdi. Ovo su Marša P. Džonson i Silvija Rivera. Danas, ovog trenutka, dešava se moje pravo razotkrivanje. Nisam više mogla da živim prema svojoj istini sama i za sebe. Želim da dam sve od sebe da pomognem drugima da žive prema njihovoj istini bez srama i straha. Ja stojim ovde razotkrivena, kako jednog dana više ne bi bilo potrebe za bdenjem na 20. novembar.
My deepest truth allowed me to accept who I am. Will you?
Moja najdublja istina mi je dozvolila da prihvatim sebe. Hoćete li i vi?
Thank you very much.
Hvala mnogo.
(Applause) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (Applause)
(Aplauz) Hvala vam.
Kathryn Schulz: Geena, one quick question for you. I'm wondering what you would say, especially to parents, but in a more broad way, to friends, to family, to anyone who finds themselves encountering a child or a person who is struggling with and uncomfortable with a gender that's being assigned them, what might you say to the family members of that person to help them become good and caring and kind family members to them?
Ketrin Šulc: Džina, jedno brzo pitanje. Pitam se šta bi rekla, posebno roditeljima, ali u širem kontekstu, prijateljima, porodicama, bilo kome ko se susreće sa detetom ili osobom koja se bori i kojoj ne odgovara rod koji im je dodeljen, šta bi rekla članovima porodice te osobe kako bi im pomogla da postanu dobri i brižni članovi porodice prema njima?
Geena Rocero: Sure. Well, first, really, I'm so blessed. The support system, with my mom especially, and my family, that in itself is just so powerful. I remember every time I would coach young trans women, I would mentor them, and sometimes when they would call me and tell me that their parents can't accept it, I would pick up that phone call and tell my mom, "Mom, can you call this woman?" And sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, so — But it's just, gender identity is in the core of our being, right? I mean, we're all assigned gender at birth, so what I'm trying to do is to have this conversation that sometimes that gender assignment doesn't match, and there should be a space that would allow people to self-identify, and that's a conversation that we should have with parents, with colleagues. The transgender movement, it's at the very beginning, to compare to how the gay movement started. There's still a lot of work that needs to be done. There should be an understanding. There should be a space of curiosity and asking questions, and I hope all of you guys will be my allies.
Džina Rosero: Naravno. Pre svega ja imam sreće. Sistem podrške, pogotovo uz moju mamu i moju porodicu je jako snažan. Sećam se kada bih bila mentor mladim transrodnim ženama, one bi me ponekad nazvale i rekle da ih njihovi roditelji ne prihvataju, ja bih podigla slušalicu i rekla svojoj mami: "Mama, možeš li da nazoveš ovu ženu?" Nekada bi to upalilo, nekada ne. Ali rodni identitet je srž naše ličnosti, zar ne? Svima nama je dodeljen pol po rođenju i ono što ja pokušavam je da argumentujem u razgovoru da se nekada ta dodela pola ne poklapa i da bi trebalo da postoji prostor koji će dozvoliti ljudima da se sami identifikuju i taj razgovor bi trebalo da vodimo sa roditeljima, kolegama. Transrodni pokret je u svom začeću kada se uporedi sa početkom gej pokreta. Ima još puno toga da se uradi. Treba da postoji razumevanje. Treba da postoji prostor za radoznalost i postavljanje pitanja i nadam se da ćete svi vi biti moji saveznici.
KS: Thank you. That was so lovely. GR: Thank you.
KŠ: Hvala. To je bilo divno. DžR: Hvala
(Applause)
(Aplauz)