The world makes you something that you're not, but you know inside what you are, and that question burns in your heart: How will you become that? I may be somewhat unique in this, but I am not alone, not alone at all. So when I became a fashion model, I felt that I'd finally achieved the dream that I'd always wanted since I was a young child. My outside self finally matched my inner truth, my inner self. For complicated reasons which I'll get to later, when I look at this picture, at that time I felt like, Geena, you've done it, you've made it, you have arrived. But this past October, I realized that I'm only just beginning. All of us are put in boxes by our family, by our religion, by our society, our moment in history, even our own bodies. Some people have the courage to break free, not to accept the limitations imposed by the color of their skin or by the beliefs of those that surround them. Those people are always the threat to the status quo, to what is considered acceptable.
Svijet vas čini nečim što niste, ali u sebi znate što ste, i to pitanje gori u vašem srcu: Kako ćete to postati? Ja sam možda jedinstvena u tome, ali nisam jedina, uopće nisam jedina. Kada sam postala model, osjećala sam da sam napokon ostvarila san koji sam sanjala od kada sam bila malo dijete. Moja vanjsko Ja napokon je bilo usklađeno s mojom unutarnjom istinom, s mojim unutarnjim Ja. Zbog kompliciranih razloga koje ću kasnije navesti, kad pogledam ovu sliku, tad sam se osjećala kao, Geena, uspjela si, ostvarila si to, na cilju si. Ali, prošlog listopada shvatila sam da tek počinjem. Svi smo mi svrstani u kutije, od strane naših obitelji, naše vjeroispovijesti, našeg društva, našeg trenutka u povijesti, čak i naših vlastitih tijela. Neki ljudi imaju hrabrosti osloboditi se, ne prihvatiti ograničenja postavljena zbog boje njihove kože ili uslijed uvjerenja koja ih okružuju. Ti su ljudi uvijek prijetnja statusu quo, onome što se smatra prihvatljivim.
In my case, for the last nine years, some of my neighbors, some of my friends, colleagues, even my agent, did not know about my history. I think, in mystery, this is called the reveal. Here is mine.
U mom slučaju, posljednjih devet godina, neki od mojih susjeda, neki od mojih prijatelja, kolega, čak i moj agent, nisu znali za moju prošlost. Mislim da se, u misteriji, ovo naziva otkrivanjem. Evo moga.
I was assigned boy at birth based on the appearance of my genitalia. I remember when I was five years old in the Philippines walking around our house, I would always wear this t-shirt on my head. And my mom asked me, "How come you always wear that t-shirt on your head?" I said, "Mom, this is my hair. I'm a girl." I knew then how to self-identify.
Po rođenju mi je dodijeljen spol dječaka na temelju izgleda mojih genitalija. Kad sam imao pet godina, i na Filipinima šetao oko naše kuće, uvijek bih nosio ovu majicu kratkih rukava na glavi. I majka me pitala: "Kako to da uvijek nosiš tu majicu na glavi?" Rekao sam: "Mama, to je moja kosa. Ja sam djevojčica." Znao sam tada kako da se samo-identificiram.
Gender has always been considered a fact, immutable, but we now know it's actually more fluid, complex and mysterious. Because of my success, I never had the courage to share my story, not because I thought what I am is wrong, but because of how the world treats those of us who wish to break free. Every day, I am so grateful because I am a woman. I have a mom and dad and family who accepted me for who I am. Many are not so fortunate.
Spol je oduvijek smatran činjenicom, neporecivom, ali znamo da je on zapravo više fluidan, složen i tajanstven. Zbog svog uspjeha nikad nisam imala hrabrosti ispričati svoju priču, ne zato što sam smatrala da je pogrešno ono što jesam, već zbog načina na koji svijet tretira one među nama koji se žele osloboditi. Svakoga dana, silno sam zahvalna što sam žena. Imam majku i oca, obitelj koja me prihvatila onakvu kakva jesam. Mnogi nisu sretni poput mene.
There's a long tradition in Asian culture that celebrates the fluid mystery of gender. There is a Buddhist goddess of compassion. There is a Hindu goddess, hijra goddess. So when I was eight years old, I was at a fiesta in the Philippines celebrating these mysteries. I was in front of the stage, and I remember, out comes this beautiful woman right in front of me, and I remember that moment something hit me: That is the kind of woman I would like to be. So when I was 15 years old, still dressing as a boy, I met this woman named T.L. She is a transgender beauty pageant manager. That night she asked me, "How come you are not joining the beauty pageant?" She convinced me that if I joined that she would take care of the registration fee and the garments, and that night, I won best in swimsuit and best in long gown and placed second runner up among 40-plus candidates. That moment changed my life. All of a sudden, I was introduced to the world of beauty pageants. Not a lot of people could say that your first job is a pageant queen for transgender women, but I'll take it.
Postoji duga tradicija u azijskoj kulturi, koja slavi taj fluidni misterij spola. Postoji Budistička božica suosjećanja. Postoji Hinduistička božica, božica hijra. Kad sam imala osam godina, na Filipinima, bila sam na zabavi gdje su se slavili ovi misteriji. Bila sam ispred pozornice, i sjećam se izlaska prekrasne žene, točno preda mnom, sjećam se da mi je tog trenutka sinulo: Takva bih žena željela biti. Kad sam imala petnaest godina, još uvijek se odijevajući kao dječak, upoznala sam tu ženu imena T. L. Ona je voditeljica transrodnih natjecanja u ljepoti. Te me noći zapitala: "Kako to da se ti ne prijaviš na natjecanje?" Uvjerila me da će se ona, ako se prijavim, pobrinuti za troškove prijave, i za odjeću, i te noći, pobijedila sam u kategoriji kupaćih kostima i u kategoriji svečanih haljina, i bila druga pratilja između više od 40 natjecatelja. Taj je trenutak promijenio moj život. Odjednom sam ušla u svijet natjecanja u ljepoti. Malo ljudi može reći kako im je prvi posao bio Miss transrodnih žena, ali prihvaćam to.
So from 15 to 17 years old, I joined the most prestigious pageant to the pageant where it's at the back of the truck, literally, or sometimes it would be a pavement next to a rice field, and when it rains -- it rains a lot in the Philippines -- the organizers would have to move it inside someone's house. I also experienced the goodness of strangers, especially when we would travel in remote provinces in the Philippines. But most importantly, I met some of my best friends in that community.
Od petnaeste do sedamnaeste godine, uključila sam se u neka od najprestižnija natjecanja, do natjecanja koja se održavaju na prikolici kamiona, doslovno, ili bi to ponekad bio pločnik pored rižinog polja, i kada pada kiša -- a na Filipinima često pada kiša -- organizatori bi ga morali preseliti u nečiju kuću. Također, iskusila sam dobrotu potpunih stranaca, osobito kada bismo putovali u udaljene Filipinske pokrajine. Ali najvažnije je da sam upoznala neke od svojih najboljih prijatelja u toj zajednici.
In 2001, my mom, who had moved to San Francisco, called me and told me that my green card petition came through, that I could now move to the United States. I resisted it. I told my mom, "Mom, I'm having fun. I'm here with my friends, I love traveling, being a beauty pageant queen." But then two weeks later she called me, she said, "Did you know that if you move to the United States you could change your name and gender marker?" That was all I needed to hear. My mom also told me to put two E's in the spelling of my name. She also came with me when I had my surgery in Thailand at 19 years old. It's interesting, in some of the most rural cities in Thailand, they perform some of the most prestigious, safe and sophisticated surgery. At that time in the United States, you needed to have surgery before you could change your name and gender marker. So in 2001, I moved to San Francisco, and I remember looking at my California driver's license with the name Geena and gender marker F. That was a powerful moment. For some people, their I.D. is their license to drive or even to get a drink, but for me, that was my license to live, to feel dignified. All of a sudden, my fears were minimized. I felt that I could conquer my dream and move to New York and be a model.
Godine 2001., moja mama, koja se preselila u San Francisco, nazvala me i rekla mi da je moj zahtjev za zelenu kartu odobren, da se mogu preseliti u SAD. Odbijala sam to. Rekla sam majci: "Mama, zabavljam se. Tu sam s prijateljima, volim putovati, biti miss." Ali, nakon dva tjedna nazvala me i rekla: "Jesi li znala da, ako se preseliš u SAD, možeš promijeniti ime i svoju oznaku spola?" To je sve što sam trebala čuti. Majka mi je također rekla da dodam jedno E u pisanju svog imena. Također je išla sa mnom kada sam operirana na Tajlandu u dobi od 19 godina. Zanimljivo je kako u nekima od ruralnijih gradova na Tajlandu, oni rade neke od najprestižnijih, najsigurnijih i najsofisticiranih operacija. U to vrijeme u SAD-u, morali ste biti operirani prije nego ste mogli promijeniti ime i oznaku spola. Tako da sam se 2001. preselila u San Francisco, i sjećam se dok sam gledala svoju kalifornijsku vozačku dozvolu s imenom Geena i oznakom spola Ž. To je bio moćan trenutak. Za neke ljude, njihova osobna iskaznica je njihova vozačka dozvola ili dozvola za kupovinu pića, ali za mene je to bila moja dozvola da živim, da se osjećam dostojanstveno. Odjednom, moji strahovi bili su minimizirani. Osjećala sam da mogu osvojiti svoj san i odseliti se u New York i biti model.
Many are not so fortunate. I think of this woman named Islan Nettles. She's from New York, she's a young woman who was courageously living her truth, but hatred ended her life. For most of my community, this is the reality in which we live. Our suicide rate is nine times higher than that of the general population. Every November 20, we have a global vigil for Transgender Day of Remembrance. I'm here at this stage because it's a long history of people who fought and stood up for injustice. This is Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera. Today, this very moment, is my real coming out. I could no longer live my truth for and by myself. I want to do my best to help others live their truth without shame and terror. I am here, exposed, so that one day there will never be a need for a November 20 vigil.
Mnogi nisu tako sretni. Sjetim se žene imena Ayla Nettles. Ona je iz New Yorka, mlada žena koja je hrabro živjela vlastitu istinu ali je mržnja prekinula njen život. Za većinu moje zajednice, ovo je stvarnost u kojoj živimo. Naša stopa samoubojstava je devet puta veća od one u generalnoj populaciji. Svakog 20. studenog imamo globalno bdijenje za Transrodni Dan Sjećanja. Na ovoj pozornici sam jer je to duga povijest ljudi koji su se borili i ustajali protiv nepravde. Ovo su Marsha P. Johnson i Sylvia Rivera. Danas, ovog trenutka, je moj pravi izlazak. Nisam više mogla živjeti vlastitu istinu za sebe, sama. Želim dati sve od sebe kako bih pomogla drugima da žive svoju istinu bez srama i teroriziranja. Ovdje sam, izložena, kako jednog dana ne bi bilo potrebe za bdijenje 20. studenog.
My deepest truth allowed me to accept who I am. Will you?
Moja najdublja istina dozvolila mi je da prihvatim tko sam. Hoćete li vi?
Thank you very much.
Hvala vam puno.
(Applause) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (Applause)
(Pljesak) Hvala vam. Hvala vam. Hvala vam. (Pljesak)
Kathryn Schulz: Geena, one quick question for you. I'm wondering what you would say, especially to parents, but in a more broad way, to friends, to family, to anyone who finds themselves encountering a child or a person who is struggling with and uncomfortable with a gender that's being assigned them, what might you say to the family members of that person to help them become good and caring and kind family members to them?
Kathryn Schulz: Geena, jedno kratko pitanje za tebe. Pitam se što bi rekla, posebno roditeljima, ali šire, prijateljima, obitelji, bilo kome tko se nađe suočen s djetetom ili osobom koja se bori i neugodno joj je zbog spola koji im je dodijeljen, što bi rekla obitelji te osobe kako bi postali dobri, brižni i ljubazni članovi obitelji prema njima?
Geena Rocero: Sure. Well, first, really, I'm so blessed. The support system, with my mom especially, and my family, that in itself is just so powerful. I remember every time I would coach young trans women, I would mentor them, and sometimes when they would call me and tell me that their parents can't accept it, I would pick up that phone call and tell my mom, "Mom, can you call this woman?" And sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, so — But it's just, gender identity is in the core of our being, right? I mean, we're all assigned gender at birth, so what I'm trying to do is to have this conversation that sometimes that gender assignment doesn't match, and there should be a space that would allow people to self-identify, and that's a conversation that we should have with parents, with colleagues. The transgender movement, it's at the very beginning, to compare to how the gay movement started. There's still a lot of work that needs to be done. There should be an understanding. There should be a space of curiosity and asking questions, and I hope all of you guys will be my allies.
Geena Rocero: Naravno. Pa, prvo, zaista sam blagoslovljena. Sustav podrške, osobito onaj moje majke, i moje obitelji, koji sam po sebi je jednostavno tako jak. Sjećam se svakog puta kada sam podučavala mlade transrodne žene, bila sam im mentor, i ponekad bi me nazvali i rekli mi da to njihovi roditelji ne mogu prihvatiti. Preuzela bih taj poziv i rekla mami, "Mama, možeš li nazvati ovu ženu?" I ponekad to radi, ponekad ne, tako da -- Ali to je samo zato što je spolni identitet u srži našeg bića, zar ne? Svima nam je pri rođenju dodijeljen spol, pa je ono što ja pokušavam zapodjenuti razgovor koji kaže da ponekad raspodjela spola nije točna, i da bi trebao postojati prostor koji bi dozvolio ljudima da se samo-identificiraju, i to je razgovor koji trebamo voditi s roditeljima, s kolegama. Transrodni pokret je na samom početku, u usporedbi s onime kako je gay-pokret započeo. Još je puno toga što treba obaviti. Trebalo bi postojati razumijevanje. Trebalo bi biti prostora za znatiželju i propitivanje, i nadam se da ćete svi vi biti moji saveznici.
KS: Thank you. That was so lovely. GR: Thank you.
KS: Hvala ti. To je bilo divno. GR: Hvala tebi.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)