[This talk contains mature content]
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I have a vagina.
Ja imam vaginu.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
Just thought you should know. That might not come as a surprise to some of you. I look like a woman. I'm dressed like one, I guess. The thing is, I also have balls. And it does take a lot of nerve to come up here and talk to you about my genitalia. Just a little. But I'm not talking about bravery or courage. I mean literally -- I have balls. Right here, right where a lot of you have ovaries. I'm not male or female. I'm intersex.
Samo sam mislila da treba da znate. To nekima od vas neće biti iznenađenje. Izgledam kao žena. Obučena sam kao žena, valjda. Stvar je u tome što imam i muda. I potrebno je dosta hrabrosti doći ovde i pričati vam o svojim genitalijama. Samo malo. Ne pričam o hrabrosti ili odvažnosti. Mislim, bukvalno - imam testise. Baš ovde, gde većina od vas ima jajnike. Nisam ni muško ni žensko. Ja sam interseksualna.
Most people assume that you're biologically either a man or a woman, but it's actually a lot more complex than that. There are so many ways somebody could be intersex. In my case, it means I was born with XY chromosomes, which you probably know as male chromosomes. And I was born with a vagina and balls inside my body. I don't respond to testosterone, so during puberty, I grew breasts, but I never got acne or body hair, body oil. You can be jealous of that.
Većina ljudi pretpostavlja da ste biološki ili muško ili žensko, ali, stvari su zapravo mnogo složenije. Možete biti interseksualni na mnogo načina. U mom slučaju, to znači da sam rođena sa XY hromozomima, koji su vam poznati kao muški hromozomi. I rođena sam sa vaginom i testisima unutar tela. Ne reagujem na testosteron, pa sam, tokom puberteta, dobila grudi, ali nikada nisam dobila akne niti malje, telesnu masnoću. Možete biti ljubomorni zbog toga.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
But even though I don't actually have a uterus -- I was born without one, so I don't menstruate, I can't have biological children. We put people in boxes based on their genitalia. Before a baby's even born, we ask whether it's a boy or a girl, as if it actually matters; as if you're going to be less excited about having a baby if it doesn't have the genitals you wanted; as if what's between somebody's legs tells you anything about that person. Are they kind, generous, funny? Smart? Who do they want to be when they grow up?
Ipak, ja u stvari nemam matericu - rođena sam bez nje, tako da ne dobijam menstruaciju, i ne mogu da imam biološku decu. Ljude svrstavamo u kategorije na osnovu njihovih genitalija. Čak i pre nego što se dete rodi, pitamo da li je dečak ili devojčica, kao da je to uopšte važno; kao da ćete biti manje uzbuđeni zbog bebe ako nema genitalije koje ste želeli; kao da ono što je nekome među nogama govori nešto o ličnosti te osobe. Da li su dobri, plemeniti, duhoviti? Pametni? Šta žele da budu kad odrastu?
Genitals don't actually tell you anything. Yet, we define ourselves by them. In this society, we love putting people into boxes and labeling each other. It kind of gives us a sense of belonging and teaches us how to interact with one another. But there's one really big problem: biological sex is not black or white. It's on a spectrum.
Genitalije vam zapravo ne govore ništa. Ipak, njima definišemo ljude. U ovom društvu, volimo da kategorizujemo ljude i da ih etiketiramo. To nam, na neki način, pruža osećaj pripadanja i uči nas kako da međusobno komuniciramo. Ali, tu postoji jedan stvarno veliki problem: biološki pol nije crn ili beo. Nalazi se na spektru.
Besides your genitalia, you also have your chromosomes, your gonads, like ovaries or testicles. You have your internal sex organs, your hormone production, your hormone response and your secondary sex characteristics, like breast development, body hair, etc. Those seven areas of biological sex all have so much variation, yet we only get two options: male or female. Which is kind of absurd to me, because I can't think of a single other human trait that there's only two options for: skin color, hair, height, eyes. You can either have nose A or nose B, that's it, no other options.
Osim genitalija, vi imate i hromozome, polne žlezde kao što su jajnici ili testisi. Imate i unutrašnje polne organe, proizvodnju hormona, hormonsku reakciju i sekundarne polne karakteristike, kao što je razvoj grudi, malja, itd. Tih sedam područja biološkog pola imaju toliko varijacija, a ipak imamo samo dve opcije: muško ili žensko. Što mi je pomalo apsurdno, jer mi ne pada na pamet nijedna druga ljudska karakteristika za koju imamo samo dve opcije: boja kože, kose, očiju, visina. Možete imati ili nos A ili nos B, to je to, nema drugih opcija.
If there are infinite ways for our bodies to look, our minds to think, personalities to act, wouldn't it make sense that there's that much variety in biological sex, too? Did you know that besides XX or XY chromosomes, you could have XX and XY chromosomes? Or you could have an extra X -- XXY. Or two extra -- XXXY. Goes on from there. And for those "normal" people with XX or XY, what does that mean? I have XY chromosomes. If my DNA is found at the scene of a crime -- not saying it will, but, you know, we'll see.
Ako postoje beskrajne mogućnosti u smislu izgleda tela, načina razmišljanja, načina ponašanja, zar ne bi bilo smisla da postoji i raznolikost u pogledu biološkog pola? Da li znate da, osim hromozoma XX ili XY, možete imati hromozome XX i XY? Ili možete imati hromozom X više - XXY. Ili dva više - XXXY. I tako dalje. Za „normalne“ ljude sa XX ili XY hromozomima, šta to znači? Ja imam XY hromozome. Ako bi moj DNK pronašli na mestu zločina - ne kažem da hoće, ali, znate, još ćemo videti.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
If my skeleton is discovered thousands of years from now, I'll be labeled male. Is that the truth? My balls would say so. But what about the rest of me? And what if a woman has ovarian cancer and has to have her ovaries removed? Does she still qualify as a woman? What about other intersex people who are born without balls or ovaries or with just one or a combination of the two? Where do they go? Do you have to have a uterus to be a woman? There's a lot of us who are born without one.
Ako bi pronašli moj skelet hiljadama godina od sada, označili bi me kao muškarca. Da li je to istina? Moji testisi bi to rekli. A šta je sa ostalim delovima? A šta ako žena ima rak jajnika i mora da ih otkloni? Da li se još uvek kvalifikuje kao žena? Šta je sa interseksualnim ljudima koji su rođeni bez testisa ili jajnika ili sa jednim od to dvoje ili kombinacijom ta dva? Gde oni spadaju? Da li morate imati matericu da biste bili žena? Mnogo je nas koji smo rođeni bez nje.
And everyone's favorite part, genitalia: you either have one or the other, right? You either have a six-inch-long penis that's exactly this thick, jutting straight out of the body at a 90-degree angle, or you have a vagina that's this wide internally and a clitoris that's half an inch above the vaginal opening and labia that look exactly like they're supposed to look like, according to that one porn video you watched that one time. You know the one. If you've been with more than one sexual partner in your lifetime, and you line them up, one by one, I guarantee you can identify them just by their genitalia.
I omiljeni deo svih, genitalije: imate ili jedne ili druge, zar ne? Ili imate penis od 15 centimentara koji je tačno ove debljine, i koji vam štrči iz tela pod uglom od 90 stepeni, ili vaginu koja je baš ove širine iznutra i klitoris oko 1 centimetar iznad vaginalnog otvora, i usmine koje izgledaju baš kako treba da izgledaju, sudeći po onom porno snimku koji ste onomad gledali. Znate kojem. Ako ste bili sa više seksualnih partnera u životu, i ako ih poređate, jednog po jednog, sigurno ih možete identifikovati samo prema njihovim genitalijama.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
Think about it. Go on.
Razmislite. Hajde.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
I see you. No judging. Just notice. All different, right?
Razumem vas. Bez osuđivanja. Samo razmislite. Svi se razlikuju, zar ne?
The sex and gender binary are both so ingrained in our society, that we never stop to think about it. We just automatically place each other into one box or the other, as if it actually matters. Until somebody comes along to make you question it. And if you're thinking that I'm the exception, an anomaly, an outlier: intersex people represent around two percent of the population. That's the same percentage as genetic redheads. It's about 150 million people, roughly, which is more than the entire population of Russia. So there's a lot of us, needless to say. We're not new or rare. We're just invisible. We've existed throughout every culture in history. Yet, we never talk about it.
I pol i rodna binarnost su toliko ukorenjeni u našem društvu, da nikada ne razmišljamo o tome, već automatski smestimo ljude u jednu ili drugu kategoriju, kao da je to u stvari bitno. Dok vas neko ne natera da se zapitate. I ako mislite da sam ja izuzetak, anomalija, autsajder: interseksualni ljudi čine dva procenta populacije. To je isti procenat kao i prirodno riđokosi ljudi. To je oko 150 miliona ljudi, otprilike, što je više nego cela populacija Rusije. Dakle, nepotrebno je reći da nas je mnogo. Mi nismo novost ili retkost. Samo smo nevidljivi. Postojimo u svakoj kulturi u istoriji. Ipak, nikada ne pričamo o tome.
In fact, a lot of people might not know that they're intersex. Have you had a karyotype test to determine your chromosomes? What about a full blood panel for all of your hormone levels? A friend of mine found out last year, in his 50s. The executive director of interACT, which is the leading organization for intersex human rights here in the US, she found out she was intersex at age 41. Her doctors found out when she was 15, but they didn't tell her. They lied and said that she had cancer, because that seemed like an easier option than finding out she wasn't "fully" a woman. This kind of thing happens a lot, where intersex people are lied to or kept in the dark about our bodies, which comes as a surprise to a lot of people. But we live in a society that doesn't talk about sex or bodies at all, unless it's to mock or shame each other.
U stvari, mnogi ljudi možda ne znaju da su interseksualni. Jeste li radili test kariotipa da utvrdite koje hromozome imate? A kompletnu krvnu sliku da utvrdite nivo hormona? Moj prijatelj je saznao prošle godine, u 50-im godinama. Izvršna direktorka interACT-a, koja je vodeća organizacija za prava interseksualnih osoba u SAD-u, je saznala u 41. godini da je interseksualna. Njeni lekari su saznali kada je ona imala 15 godina, ali joj nisu rekli. Lagali su je i rekli da ima rak, jer je to delovalo kao bolja opcija od saznanja da nije „u potpunosti“ žena. Ovakve stvari se dešavaju često, kada interseksualne ljude lažu ili drže u mraku po pitanju njihovih tela, što je mnogim ljudima iznenađujuće. Ali, mi živimo u društvu koje uopšte ne priča o seksu i telu, osim kada se rugamo ili hoćemo da postidimo jedni druge.
I found out I was intersex at age 10, and for the most part, I was fine with that information. It didn't really faze me; I was still developing my understanding of the world. It wasn't until I got older and realized I didn't fit society's expectations of me, that I didn't belong, that I was abnormal. And that's when the shame started. How many times have you seen kids play with the "wrong" toys for their gender? Or try on the "wrong" clothes? All the time, right? Kids don't have these ideas about gender norm, they don't have shame about who they're supposed to be or what they're supposed to like or love. They don't care about any of this stuff. They don't have shame until we put it on them.
Ja sam saznala kada sam imala 10 godina, i, uglavnom, mi je to bilo u redu. Nije me stvarno zbunilo; još uvek sam razvijala svoje razumevanje sveta. Tek kada sam odrasla, shvatila sam da se ne uklapam u društvena očekivanja, da tu ne pripadam, da sam abnormalna. I tada je počeo stid. Koliko često vidite da se deca igraju igračkama koje „ne odgovaraju“ njihovom polu? Ili da isprobavaju „pogrešnu“ odeću? Stalno, zar ne? Deca nemaju pojam o rodnim normama, ne osećaju stid zbog onoga što treba da budu ili onoga što treba da im se sviđa ili da vole. Oni ne mare za ove stvari. Oni ne osete stid dok im ga mi ne nametnemo.
I also had doctors lie to me. At age 10, they told me that I would also get cancer unless I removed my balls. Then they proceeded to tell me that every year. Until today, there are still doctors who want me to remove them. But there's literally no reason. If a typical XY male, like yourself, has testicles, and one is undescended, there's a high chance of it becoming cancerous -- or a higher chance of it becoming cancerous. They need to thermoregulated. So they drop down away from the body to cool off, or they shrink back up to get warm. Mine don't need to do that. They're not responding to testosterone, they're not producing sperm. They're fine right here inside my body. Yet, because there's such a lack of information about intersex people, my doctors never understood the difference. They never really understood my body.
I mene su doktori lagali. U 10. godini su mi rekli da ću dobiti rak ako ne odstranim testise. I to su mi govorili svake godine. Čak i danas ima doktora koji žele da ih uklonim. Ali za to bukvalno nema razloga. Ako tipičan muškarac sa XY hromozomima, kao što ste vi, ima testise, i jedan nije spušten, postoji velika šansa da on postane kancerogen - ili veća šansa da postane kancerogen. Potrebna im je termoregulacija. Oni se spuste da bi se ohladili, ili se skupe da se ugreju. Moji ne moraju to da rade. Ne reaguju na testosteron, ne proizvode spermu. Dobro im je baš ovde u mom telu. Ipak, pošto postoji nedostatak informacija o interseksualnim osobama, moji lekari nikada nisu razumeli razliku. Nikada nisu stvarno razumeli moje telo.
As I got older, I had another doctor tell me that I needed to have surgery on my vagina. She said that until I had an operation, until she operated, I would not be able to have "normal sex" with my husband one day. Her words. I didn't end up going through with the operation, and I'm incredibly grateful for that. I'm not here to talk about my sex life.
Kada sam postala starija, još jedan lekar mi je rekao da moram da operišem vaginu. Rekla mi je da, dok se ne operišem, dok me ona ne operiše, neću moći da jednog dana imam „normalne“ seksualne odnose sa suprugom. To su njene reči. Na kraju nisam uradila operaciju, i zbog toga sam neverovatno zahvalna. Nisam ovde da pričam o svom seksualnom životu.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
But let's just say it's fine.
Recimo da je on u redu.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
I'm fine, my body is fine. You actually wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between me and another person unless I told you; you wouldn't be able to tell that I was intersex unless I told you. But again, because of the lack of understanding about bodies, my doctor didn't understand the difference. And for the most part, my sex life is fine. The only issue that really comes up is that sometimes, sexual situations bring up memories of doctors touching me, over and over again since I was 10. I've been really lucky to escape -- I didn't think I would get emotional -- I've been really lucky to escape the physical harm that comes from these unnecessary surgeries. But no intersex person is free from the emotional harm that comes from living in a society that tries to cover up your existence. Most of my intersex friends have had operations like these. Oftentimes, they will remove testes like mine, even though my risk of testicular cancer is lower than the risk of breast cancer in a typical woman with no predisposition, no family history. But we don't tell her to remove her breasts, do we?
Ja sam u redu, moje telo je u redu. Zapravo, ne biste mogli da uočite razliku između mene i nekog drugog osim ako vam kažem; ne biste mogli da uočite da sam interseksualna osim ako vam kažem. Ali opet, usled nerazumevanja naših tela, moj lekar nije razumeo razliku. I, uglavnom, moj seksualni život je okej. Jedini problem koji iskrsne je da ponekad seksualne situacije izazivaju uspomene na to kako su me lekari neprestano dodirivali od 10. godine. Jako sam srećna što sam izbegla - mislila sam da neću biti emotivna - jako sam srećna što sam izbegla fizičku štetu koja proizilazi iz ovih nepotrebnih operacija. Ali nijedna interseksualna osoba nije oslobođena emotivne štete koja proizilazi iz života u društvu koje pokušava da prikrije vaše postojanje. Većina mojih interseksualnih prijatelja je imala ove operacije. Često uklanjaju testise kao što su moji, iako je rizik od dobijanja raka testisa niži od rizika od dobijanja raka grudi kod tipične žene bez predispozicija, bez istorije raka u porodici. Ali, ne govorimo ženama da uklone grudi, zar ne?
It's rare to meet an intersex person that hasn't been operated on. Oftentimes, these surgeries are done to improve intersex kids' lives, but they usually end up doing the opposite, causing more harm and complications, both physical and emotional. I'm not saying that doctors are bad or evil. It's just that we live in a society that causes some doctors to "fix" those of us who don't fit their definition of normal. We're not problems that need to be fixed. We just live in a society that needs to be enlightened.
Retkost je sresti interseksualnu osobu koja nije operisana. Često, ove operacije se izvode kako bi poboljšale život interseksualne dece, ali u stvari imaju suprotan efekat, i izazovu više štete i komplikacija, i fizički i emotivno. Ne kažem da su lekari loši ili zli. Samo živimo u društvu u kojem neki lekari „popravljaju“ one koji se ne uklapaju u njihovu definiciju normalnog. Mi nismo problemi kojima treba rešenje. Samo živimo u društvu koje mora biti osvešćeno.
One of the ways I'm doing that is by creating a genderless puberty guidebook that can teach kids about their bodies as they grow up. Not their girl bodies or their boy bodies -- just their bodies. We often place unrealistic expectations on the things that our bodies do that are outside of our control. I mean, if one man can grow a full, luxurious, hipster beard, and the other can only grow a few mustache hairs, what does that mean about who they are as men? Nothing. It literally, most likely, just means that their hair follicles respond to testosterone in different ways. Yet, how many times have you heard a man ashamed about something like this?
Jedan od načina na koji to radim je stvaranje bezrodnog pubertetskog priručnika koji može da nauči decu o njihovim telima dok odrastaju. Ne o telima devojčica ili dečaka - već samo o njihovim telima. Često postavljamo nerealna očekivanja od stvari koja naša tela rade koje su izvan naše kontrole. Mislim, ako jedan muškarac može da ima pravu, raskošnu, hipstersku bradu, a drugi samo nekoliko dlačica, šta to govori o tome ko su oni kao muškarci? Ništa. To bukvalno, najverovatnije, samo znači da njihovi folikuli dlake drugačije reaguju na testosteron. Ipak, koliko puta ste čuli da se muškarac postidi zbog nečega ovakvog?
Imagine a world where we could live in a society that teaches us not to have shame about the things that our bodies do or do not do. I want to change the way that we think about biological sex in this society -- which is a lot to ask for. You could say it's ballsy, I guess.
Zamislite svet u kome bismo mogli da živimo u društvu koje nas uči da se ne stidimo stvari koje naša tela rade ili ne rade. Želim da promenim način razmišljanja o biološkom polu u ovom društvu - što je mnogo. Mogli biste reći da je kuražno.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
But eventually we accepted the world as round, right? We no longer diagnose gay people with mental disorders or women with hysteria. We don't think epilepsy is caused by the devil anymore, so that's cool.
Ali na kraju smo prihvatili da je zemlja okrugla, zar ne? Gej ljudima ne dijagnostikujemo mentalne poremećaje ili ženama histeriju. Više ne mislimo da epilepsiju izaziva đavo, tako da je to okej.
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
We constantly change and evolve, the more we understand as a society. And biological sex is on a spectrum. It's not black or white. Not only could that knowledge save intersex kids from physical and emotional harm, I think it would help everyone else, too. Who here has ever felt inadequate or ashamed because you weren't girly enough, you were too girly, you weren't manly enough, or too manly? We constantly shame people for not fitting into a box, but the reality is, I think we shame others because it prevents them from seeing that we don't fit inside our boxes, either. And the truth is that nobody actually fits in a box, because they don't exist. This binary, this false male-female facade is something we constructed, we built ourselves. But it doesn't have to exist. We can break it down. And that's what I want to do. Will you join me?
Mi se stalno menjamo i razvijamo, što više razumevanja imamo kao društvo. A biološki pol se nalazi na spektru. Nije crn ili beo. Ne samo da bi to saznanje spasilo interseksualnu decu fizičke i emotivne štete, nego bi i pomoglo svima. Ko od vas se ikada osećao neprikladno ili posramljeno jer niste bile dovoljno ženstvene, jer ste bile previše ženstvene, jer niste bili dovoljno muževni, ili ste bili previše muževni? Stalno posramljujemo ljude jer se ne uklapaju u kategoriju, ali realnost je da, po mom mišljenju, posramljujemo druge da oni ne bi videli da se ni mi ne uklapamo u našu kategoriju. Istina je da se niko ne uklapa, jer kategorije ne postoje. Ova binarnost, lažna muško-žensko fasada je nešto što smo mi stvorili, sami smo je izgradili. Ali ne mora da postoji. Možemo je uništiti. To je ono što želim da uradim. Hoćete li mi se pridružiti?
Thanks.
Hvala.
(Applause)
(Aplauz)