[This talk contains mature content]
[Ovdje se govori o spolu i spolnim organima]
I have a vagina.
Ja imam vaginu.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Just thought you should know. That might not come as a surprise to some of you. I look like a woman. I'm dressed like one, I guess. The thing is, I also have balls. And it does take a lot of nerve to come up here and talk to you about my genitalia. Just a little. But I'm not talking about bravery or courage. I mean literally -- I have balls. Right here, right where a lot of you have ovaries. I'm not male or female. I'm intersex.
Samo sam mislila da biste trebali znati. To možda nije iznenađenje za neke od vas. Izgledam kao žena. Pretpostavljam da sam i odjevena kao žena. Stvar je u tome što imam i muda. Treba puno hrabrosti doći ovamo i govoriti vam o svojim genitalijama. Malo hrabrosti. Ali ne govorim o hrabrosti, „imati muda“, ja doslovno imam testise. Upravo ovdje, tamo gdje mnoge od vas imaju jajnike. Nisam muško ili žensko. Ja sam interseksualna (između spolova).
Most people assume that you're biologically either a man or a woman, but it's actually a lot more complex than that. There are so many ways somebody could be intersex. In my case, it means I was born with XY chromosomes, which you probably know as male chromosomes. And I was born with a vagina and balls inside my body. I don't respond to testosterone, so during puberty, I grew breasts, but I never got acne or body hair, body oil. You can be jealous of that.
Većina ljudi pretpostavlja za neku osobu da je biološki muškarac ili žena, ali to je zapravo mnogo složenije. Postoji mnogo načina kako netko može biti interseksualan. U mom slučaju, to znači da sam rođena s XY kromosomima, koje vjerojatno poznajete kao muške kromosome. I rođena sam s vaginom i testisima u tijelu. Ne reagiram na testosteron pa su mi tijekom puberteta narasle grudi, ali nikad nisam dobila akne ili dlačice po tijelu, ili masnu kožu. Na tom mi možete zavidjeti.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
But even though I don't actually have a uterus -- I was born without one, so I don't menstruate, I can't have biological children. We put people in boxes based on their genitalia. Before a baby's even born, we ask whether it's a boy or a girl, as if it actually matters; as if you're going to be less excited about having a baby if it doesn't have the genitals you wanted; as if what's between somebody's legs tells you anything about that person. Are they kind, generous, funny? Smart? Who do they want to be when they grow up?
Ja nemam maternicu -- rođena sam bez nje, tako da nemam menstruacije i ne mogu imati biološku djecu. Ljude stavljamo u kutije na temelju njihovih genitalija. Prije nego što se beba rodi, pitamo je li dječak ili djevojčica, kao da je to doista važno. Kao da ćeš biti manje uzbuđen kad dobiješ bebu ako nema genitalije koje si želio. Kao da ti ono što je između nečijih nogu govori nešto o toj osobi. Je li ljubazna, velikodušna, duhovita? Pametna? Što žele biti kad odrastu?
Genitals don't actually tell you anything. Yet, we define ourselves by them. In this society, we love putting people into boxes and labeling each other. It kind of gives us a sense of belonging and teaches us how to interact with one another. But there's one really big problem: biological sex is not black or white. It's on a spectrum.
Genitalije vam zapravo ništa ne govore. Ipak, mi njima sami sebe definiramo. U ovom društvu volimo stavljati ljude u kutije i međusobno se označavati. To nam nekako daje osjećaj pripadnosti i uči nas kako međusobno komunicirati. Ali postoji jedan stvarno veliki problem: biološki spol nije crn ili bijel. To je cijeli spektar.
Besides your genitalia, you also have your chromosomes, your gonads, like ovaries or testicles. You have your internal sex organs, your hormone production, your hormone response and your secondary sex characteristics, like breast development, body hair, etc. Those seven areas of biological sex all have so much variation, yet we only get two options: male or female. Which is kind of absurd to me, because I can't think of a single other human trait that there's only two options for: skin color, hair, height, eyes. You can either have nose A or nose B, that's it, no other options.
Osim genitalija, imate i kromosome, gonade, poput jajnika ili testisa. Imate svoje unutarnje spolne organe, proizvodnju hormona, hormonalni odgovor i sekundarne spolne karakteristike, kao što su razvoj dojki, dlake po tijelu itd. Tih sedam područja biološkog spola postoje u toliko mnogo varijacija, a ipak smo stvorili samo dvije opcije: muško ili žensko. Meni je to apsurdno, jer ne mogu se sjetiti ni jedne druge ljudske značajke u kojoj postoje samo dvije opcije. Boja kože, kose, visina, boja očiju. Zamislite da možete imati samo ili nos A ili nos B, da nema drugih opcija.
If there are infinite ways for our bodies to look, our minds to think, personalities to act, wouldn't it make sense that there's that much variety in biological sex, too? Did you know that besides XX or XY chromosomes, you could have XX and XY chromosomes? Or you could have an extra X -- XXY. Or two extra -- XXXY. Goes on from there. And for those "normal" people with XX or XY, what does that mean? I have XY chromosomes. If my DNA is found at the scene of a crime -- not saying it will, but, you know, we'll see.
Ako postoje beskonačni načini kako izgledaju naša tijela, kako razmišljamo, načini osobnosti i djelovanja, ne bi li imalo smisla da postoji isto toliko raznolikosti u biološkom spolu? Jeste li znali da osim XX ili XY kromosoma, mogli biste imati i XX i XY kromosome? Ili možete imati dodatni X - XXY. Ili dva dodatna - XXXY. I tako dalje. A za one "normalne" osobe s XX ili XY, što to znači? Imam XY kromosome. Ako na mjestu zločina pronađu moju DNK - ne kažem da hoće, ali, znate, vidjet ćemo.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
If my skeleton is discovered thousands of years from now, I'll be labeled male. Is that the truth? My balls would say so. But what about the rest of me? And what if a woman has ovarian cancer and has to have her ovaries removed? Does she still qualify as a woman? What about other intersex people who are born without balls or ovaries or with just one or a combination of the two? Where do they go? Do you have to have a uterus to be a woman? There's a lot of us who are born without one.
Ako za tisuću godina otkriju moj kostur, prepoznat će me kao muškarca. Je li to točno? Moji bi testisi to potvrdili. Ali što je s ostatkom mene? A što ako žena ima rak jajnika i mora ukloniti jajnike? Još uvijek se kvalificira kao žena? Što je s drugim interspolnim ljudima koji su rođeni bez testisa ili jajnika, ili samo s jednim ili kombinacijom to dvoje? Kako ćemo njih klasificirati? Morate li imati maternicu da biste bili žena? Mnogi od nas su rođeni bez nje.
And everyone's favorite part, genitalia: you either have one or the other, right? You either have a six-inch-long penis that's exactly this thick, jutting straight out of the body at a 90-degree angle, or you have a vagina that's this wide internally and a clitoris that's half an inch above the vaginal opening and labia that look exactly like they're supposed to look like, according to that one porn video you watched that one time. You know the one. If you've been with more than one sexual partner in your lifetime, and you line them up, one by one, I guarantee you can identify them just by their genitalia.
I svačiji omiljeni dio tijela, genitalije: ili imate jedne ili druge, zar ne? Ili imate penis dug 15 centimetara ovako debeo, koji strši ravno pod kutom od 90 stupnjeva, ili imate vaginu ovoliko široku unutra i klitoris koji je desetak milimetara iznad vaginalnog otvora i stidne usne koje izgledaju točno onako kako bi trebale izgledati, prema onome što ste vidjeli u tom jednom porno filmu kojeg ste jednom gledali. Znate, u onom. Ako ste u životu imali više od jednog seksualnog partnera, i ako ih poredate, jednog do drugog, jamčim vam da ih možete prepoznati po njihovim genitalijama.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Think about it. Go on.
Razmislite o tome. Hajde, prisjetite se.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
I see you. No judging. Just notice. All different, right?
Vidim vas. Bez osude. Samo vizualizirajte. Svi su drugačiji, zar ne?
The sex and gender binary are both so ingrained in our society, that we never stop to think about it. We just automatically place each other into one box or the other, as if it actually matters. Until somebody comes along to make you question it. And if you're thinking that I'm the exception, an anomaly, an outlier: intersex people represent around two percent of the population. That's the same percentage as genetic redheads. It's about 150 million people, roughly, which is more than the entire population of Russia. So there's a lot of us, needless to say. We're not new or rare. We're just invisible. We've existed throughout every culture in history. Yet, we never talk about it.
Binarnost spola i roda je tako duboko ukorijenjena u našem društvu, da nikada ne prestajemo razmišljati o tome. Samo se automatski trpamo u jednu ili drugu kutiju, kao da je to doista važno. Sve dok vas netko ne navede da to preispitate. A ako mislite da sam ja iznimka, anomalija, statistička pogreška: interseksualne osobe čine oko dva posto stanovništva. To je isti postotak kao i onih koji su crvenokosi, genetički. Oko 150 milijuna ljudi, otprilike, što je više nego cjelokupno stanovništvo Rusije. Dakle, mnogo nas je, nepotrebno je reći. Nismo novi ili rijetki. Samo smo nevidljivi. Postojali smo u svakoj kulturi u povijesti. Ipak, o tome nikada nismo govorili.
In fact, a lot of people might not know that they're intersex. Have you had a karyotype test to determine your chromosomes? What about a full blood panel for all of your hormone levels? A friend of mine found out last year, in his 50s. The executive director of interACT, which is the leading organization for intersex human rights here in the US, she found out she was intersex at age 41. Her doctors found out when she was 15, but they didn't tell her. They lied and said that she had cancer, because that seemed like an easier option than finding out she wasn't "fully" a woman. This kind of thing happens a lot, where intersex people are lied to or kept in the dark about our bodies, which comes as a surprise to a lot of people. But we live in a society that doesn't talk about sex or bodies at all, unless it's to mock or shame each other.
Zapravo, mnogi ljudi možda ni ne znaju da su interseksualni. Jeste li imali test kariotipa kako biste odredili vaše kromosome? Što je s punom pretragom za sve vaše razine hormona? Moj prijatelj je saznao prošle godine, u svojim 50-ima. Izvršna direktorica tvrtke interACT, vodeće organizacije za interseksualna ljudska prava ovdje u SAD-u, otkrila je da je interseksualna u dobi od 41 godine. Njeni liječnici su znali još kad je imala 15 godina, ali joj nisu rekli. Lagali su joj i rekli da ima rak, jer je to izgledalo kao lakša opcija nego saznati da nije "u potpunosti" žena. Ovakve stvari se događaju često, interseksualnim se osobama laže ili ih se drži u neznanju o njihovim tijelima, što mnoge čudi. Ali živimo u društvu koje uopće ne govori o seksu ili tijelima, osim ako je cilj izrugivanje ili sramoćenje.
I found out I was intersex at age 10, and for the most part, I was fine with that information. It didn't really faze me; I was still developing my understanding of the world. It wasn't until I got older and realized I didn't fit society's expectations of me, that I didn't belong, that I was abnormal. And that's when the shame started. How many times have you seen kids play with the "wrong" toys for their gender? Or try on the "wrong" clothes? All the time, right? Kids don't have these ideas about gender norm, they don't have shame about who they're supposed to be or what they're supposed to like or love. They don't care about any of this stuff. They don't have shame until we put it on them.
Otkrila sam da sam interseksualna u dobi od 10 godina, i uglavnom sam bila OK s tom informacijom. Zapravo me to nije potreslo. Još sam razvijala svoje razumijevanje svijeta. Tek kad sam odrasla, shvatila sam da se ne uklapam u ono što društvo očekuje od mene, da nikud ne pripadam, da sam nenormalna. I tada je počeo osjećaj sramote. Koliko puta ste vidjeli djecu kako se igraju "pogrešnim" igračkama za njihov rod? Ili isprobavaju "pogrešnu" odjeću? Često, zar ne? Djeca nemaju te ideje o rodnoj normi, nemaju stida o tome tko bi trebali biti, što bi im se trebalo sviđati ili što bi trebali voljeti. Ne brinu se ni za jednu od ovih stvari. Ne osjećaju stid ni sramotu sve dok ih im ne nametnemo.
I also had doctors lie to me. At age 10, they told me that I would also get cancer unless I removed my balls. Then they proceeded to tell me that every year. Until today, there are still doctors who want me to remove them. But there's literally no reason. If a typical XY male, like yourself, has testicles, and one is undescended, there's a high chance of it becoming cancerous -- or a higher chance of it becoming cancerous. They need to thermoregulated. So they drop down away from the body to cool off, or they shrink back up to get warm. Mine don't need to do that. They're not responding to testosterone, they're not producing sperm. They're fine right here inside my body. Yet, because there's such a lack of information about intersex people, my doctors never understood the difference. They never really understood my body.
I liječnici su mi lagali. U dobi od 10 godina rekli su mi da ću dobiti rak ako mi ne uklone testise. A onda su mi to nastavili govoriti svake godine. Još i danas postoje liječnici koji žele da ih uklonim. Ali za to nema razloga. Ako tipični XY muškarac, poput vas, ima testise, a jedan se ne spusti, postoji velika vjerojatnost da postane kancerogen ili ima veću šansu da postane kancerogen. Moraju se termoregulirati. Zato se spuštaju iz tijela da se ohlade, ili se skupljaju kako bi se ugrijali. Moji to ne moraju raditi. Jer ne reagiraju na testosteron, ne proizvode spermu. Dobro im je ovdje, u mom tijelu. Baš zato jer nedostaju informacije o interspolnim osobama, moji liječnici nikada nisu shvatili razliku. Nikada nisu razumjeli moje tijelo.
As I got older, I had another doctor tell me that I needed to have surgery on my vagina. She said that until I had an operation, until she operated, I would not be able to have "normal sex" with my husband one day. Her words. I didn't end up going through with the operation, and I'm incredibly grateful for that. I'm not here to talk about my sex life.
Sazrijevajući, imala sam liječnicu koji mi je rekla da moram operirati vaginu. Rekla mi je da, ako to ne učinim, neću moći jednog dana imati "normalan seks" sa svojim mužem. Doslovno to je rekla. Nisam napravila operaciju i zbog toga sam silno sretna i zahvalna. Ali, nisam ovdje da bih govorila o svom seksualnom životu.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
But let's just say it's fine.
Ali recimo samo da je on u redu.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
I'm fine, my body is fine. You actually wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between me and another person unless I told you; you wouldn't be able to tell that I was intersex unless I told you. But again, because of the lack of understanding about bodies, my doctor didn't understand the difference. And for the most part, my sex life is fine. The only issue that really comes up is that sometimes, sexual situations bring up memories of doctors touching me, over and over again since I was 10. I've been really lucky to escape -- I didn't think I would get emotional -- I've been really lucky to escape the physical harm that comes from these unnecessary surgeries. But no intersex person is free from the emotional harm that comes from living in a society that tries to cover up your existence. Most of my intersex friends have had operations like these. Oftentimes, they will remove testes like mine, even though my risk of testicular cancer is lower than the risk of breast cancer in a typical woman with no predisposition, no family history. But we don't tell her to remove her breasts, do we?
Dobro sam, moje tijelo je dobro. Zapravo ne biste mogli uočiti razliku između mene i druge osobe, osim ako vam kažem; ne možete znati da sam interseksualna ako vam ja to ne kažem. Zbog nedostatka razumijevanja o tijelima, moji liječnici nisu shvatili razliku. I u najvećem dijelu, moj seksualni život jest u redu. Jedini problem koji se pojavljuje je da mi ponekad seksualne situacije prizivaju sjećanja na liječnike koji su me dodirivali, stalno i uvijek iznova od 10. godine. Stvarno sam sretna što sam pobjegla - nisam mislila da ću se rasplakati - Stvarno sam imala sreće što sam pobjegla od fizičkih povreda, štete koje stvaraju te nepotrebne operacije. Ali nijedna interseksualna osoba nije oslobođena emocionalne štete koja proizlazi iz života u društvu koje pokušava sakriti vaše postojanje. Većina mojih interseksualnih prijatelja imala je takve operacije. Često su im uklonili testise poput mojih, iako je moj rizik od raka testisa manji od rizika od raka dojke za tipičnu ženu bez predispozicije, bez raka u obiteljskoj anamnezi. A njoj ne kažemo da ukloni grudi, zar ne?
It's rare to meet an intersex person that hasn't been operated on. Oftentimes, these surgeries are done to improve intersex kids' lives, but they usually end up doing the opposite, causing more harm and complications, both physical and emotional. I'm not saying that doctors are bad or evil. It's just that we live in a society that causes some doctors to "fix" those of us who don't fit their definition of normal. We're not problems that need to be fixed. We just live in a society that needs to be enlightened.
Rijetko je naći interseksualnu osobu koju nisu operirali. Često se te operacije provode tvrdeći da će poboljšati interseksualni život djece, ali obično je rezultat suprotan, uzrokuju više štete i komplikacija, i fizičkih i emocionalnih. Ne želim reći da su liječnici loši ili zli. Samo živimo u društvu koje navodi neke liječnike da "popravljaju" one od nas koji ne odgovaraju njihovoj definiciji normalnog. Mi nismo problem kojeg treba popraviti. Mi samo živimo u društvu koje treba prosvijetliti.
One of the ways I'm doing that is by creating a genderless puberty guidebook that can teach kids about their bodies as they grow up. Not their girl bodies or their boy bodies -- just their bodies. We often place unrealistic expectations on the things that our bodies do that are outside of our control. I mean, if one man can grow a full, luxurious, hipster beard, and the other can only grow a few mustache hairs, what does that mean about who they are as men? Nothing. It literally, most likely, just means that their hair follicles respond to testosterone in different ways. Yet, how many times have you heard a man ashamed about something like this?
Jedan od načina na koji ja to radim je da stvaram vodič za pubertet bez rodnog određenja koji podučava djecu o njihovim tijelima dok odrastaju. Ne njihova tijela djevojčica ili tijela dječaka -- već samo njihova tijela. Često imamo nerealna očekivanja na stvari koje naša tijela rade, a koje su izvan naše kontrole. Na primjer, ako jednom čovjeku može narasti puna, raskošna brada, a drugom samo nekoliko dlačica brkova, govori li to išta o tome kakvi su oni kao muškarci? Ništa. To doslovno, najvjerojatnije, znači da njihovi folikuli kose reagiraju na testosteron na različite načine. No, koliko ste puta čuli da se čovjek stidi zbog nečega takvog?
Imagine a world where we could live in a society that teaches us not to have shame about the things that our bodies do or do not do. I want to change the way that we think about biological sex in this society -- which is a lot to ask for. You could say it's ballsy, I guess.
Zamislite svijet u kojem bismo mogli živjeti u društvu koje nas uči da nemamo srama o onome što naša tijela rade ili ne rade. Želim promijeniti način na koji razmišljamo o biološkom spolu -- u ovom našem društvu -- a to je zahtjevan cilj. Moglo bi se reći da je hrabar, valjda.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
But eventually we accepted the world as round, right? We no longer diagnose gay people with mental disorders or women with hysteria. We don't think epilepsy is caused by the devil anymore, so that's cool.
Ali na kraju smo prihvatili da je Zemlja okrugla, zar ne? Više ne dijagnosticiramo gej osobe da imaju mentalni poremećaj ili da su žene histerične. Više ne mislimo da epilepsiju uzrokuje vrag.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
We constantly change and evolve, the more we understand as a society. And biological sex is on a spectrum. It's not black or white. Not only could that knowledge save intersex kids from physical and emotional harm, I think it would help everyone else, too. Who here has ever felt inadequate or ashamed because you weren't girly enough, you were too girly, you weren't manly enough, or too manly? We constantly shame people for not fitting into a box, but the reality is, I think we shame others because it prevents them from seeing that we don't fit inside our boxes, either. And the truth is that nobody actually fits in a box, because they don't exist. This binary, this false male-female facade is something we constructed, we built ourselves. But it doesn't have to exist. We can break it down. And that's what I want to do. Will you join me?
Stalno se mijenjamo i razvijamo, što više učimo i razumijemo kao društvo. Biološki spol postoji kao cijeli spektar pojavnosti. Nije samo crn ili bijel. Ova saznanja ne samo da mogu spasiti međuspolnu djecu od fizičke i emocionalne štete, već mislim da pomažu i svima ostalima. Tko se od vas ovdje osjećao neodgovarajuće ili posramljeno jer niste bili dovoljno ženstveni, ili ste bili previše ženstveni, ili premalo ili previše muževan muškarac? Stalno posramljujemo ljude ako se ne uklapaju, ali stvarnost je, mislim da ih posramljujemo kako bi ih spriječili da vide da se ni mi ne uklapamo u te naše kutije. A istina je da se nitko, zapravo, ne uklapa u kutiju, jer kutije ni ne postoje. Ova binarna, ova lažna muško-ženska fasada je nešto što smo konstruirali, sami smo izgradili. Ali ona ne mora postojati. Možemo je srušiti. I to je ono što želim učiniti. Hoćete li mi se pridružiti?
Thanks.
Hvala.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)