I used to think the whole purpose of life was pursuing happiness. Everyone said the path to happiness was success, so I searched for that ideal job, that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful apartment. But instead of ever feeling fulfilled, I felt anxious and adrift. And I wasn't alone; my friends -- they struggled with this, too.
Mi pentzamu ca s'iscopu de sa vida fuet a circai sa biadìa. Totus narànta ca sa 'ia conc'a sa biadìa fuet s'arrennescida, e duncas apu circau su traballu ideali, su sposu ideali, sa domu ideali. Perou intamus de m'intendi realizada fuemu ansiada e afaltada. E non fuemu a sola, is amigus mius s'intendiant a sa propriu manera.
Eventually, I decided to go to graduate school for positive psychology to learn what truly makes people happy. But what I discovered there changed my life. The data showed that chasing happiness can make people unhappy. And what really struck me was this: the suicide rate has been rising around the world, and it recently reached a 30-year high in America. Even though life is getting objectively better by nearly every conceivable standard, more people feel hopeless, depressed and alone. There's an emptiness gnawing away at people, and you don't have to be clinically depressed to feel it. Sooner or later, I think we all wonder: Is this all there is? And according to the research, what predicts this despair is not a lack of happiness. It's a lack of something else, a lack of having meaning in life.
A s'accabada seu andada a s'iscola de psicologia positiva po imparai su chi serbit po essi prexaus. Perou su chi apu iscobertu ingunis m'at furriau sa vida. Est dimostrau ca est a circai sa biadìa ca fait sa genti trista. E su chi apu iscobertu est: su tassu de suicidiu est crescendi in su mundu e de pagu in America est arribau a su massimu de 30 annus. Mancai sa vida est diventendi ogetivamenti mellus de calisiat parti dda castis, prus genti s'intendit disisperada, depressa e a sola. Unu tuvu est papendinci sa genti e non depis essi maladiu de depressioni po ddu cumprendi. Un'orta in sa vida, pentzu chi totus si domandeus: Custu est totu su chi c'est? E segundu sa ricerca, su chi portat a custu disisperu non est ca ddu amancat sa biadìa. Ddu amancat cancun'atera cosa, ddu amancat unu sensu in sa vida.
But that raised some questions for me. Is there more to life than being happy? And what's the difference between being happy and having meaning in life? Many psychologists define happiness as a state of comfort and ease, feeling good in the moment. Meaning, though, is deeper. The renowned psychologist Martin Seligman says meaning comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself and from developing the best within you. Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but I came to see that seeking meaning is the more fulfilling path. And the studies show that people who have meaning in life, they're more resilient, they do better in school and at work, and they even live longer.
Ma custu m'at fatu benni a conca unus cantu preguntas. In sa vida ddu at de prus chi a essi prexaus? E cali est sa diferentzia tra essi prexaus e tenni unu sensu in sa vida? Medas psicologus definint sa biadìa cument'a un istadu de benessiri, a s'intendi beni in su momentu. Su sensu, perou, est prus a fundu. Su psicologu famosu Martin Seligman narat ca su sensu benit de su fatu de apartenni e serbiri a cosas de prus de nosus e totu e de svilupai su mellus a intru de nosus. Sa cultura cosa nosta est ossessionada de sa biadìa, ma apu iscobertu ca a circai su sensu donat prus cuntentu. Is istudius amostant ca a chini tenit unu sensu in sa vida est prus resilienti, est prus bravu a iscola e in su traballu, e bivit fintzas de prus.
So this all made me wonder: How can we each live more meaningfully? To find out, I spent five years interviewing hundreds of people and reading through thousands of pages of psychology, neuroscience and philosophy. Bringing it all together, I found that there are what I call four pillars of a meaningful life. And we can each create lives of meaning by building some or all of these pillars in our lives.
E duncas mi seu preguntada: cumenti podeus bivi cun prus sensu? Po dd'iscoberri apu intervistau a centenas de personas po cinc'annus e apu ligiu millantas paginas de psicologia, neuroscientzias e filosofia. Ponendi totu a pari apu iscobertu is cuatru pilastrus de una vida prena de sensu. E podeus creai vidas prenas de sensu pesendi cancunu o totus cussus pilastrus in sa vida cosa nosta.
The first pillar is belonging. Belonging comes from being in relationships where you're valued for who you are intrinsically and where you value others as well. But some groups and relationships deliver a cheap form of belonging; you're valued for what you believe, for who you hate, not for who you are. True belonging springs from love. It lives in moments among individuals, and it's a choice -- you can choose to cultivate belonging with others.
Su pilastru de unu est s'apartenentza. S'apartenentza benit de su fatu de essi in d'unu acapiu a ca ti istimant po cussu chi ses diaderus e tui puru istimas is aterus. Ma certus grupus o acapius donant una forma pobera de apartenentza: ses istimada po cussu chi creis, po cussus chi odias, non po cussu chi ses. S'apartenenza diaderus nascit de s'amori. Bivit in is momentus fra is individuus, e est uno scioberu -- podis scerai de dda cultivai cun is aterus.
Here's an example. Each morning, my friend Jonathan buys a newspaper from the same street vendor in New York. They don't just conduct a transaction, though. They take a moment to slow down, talk, and treat each other like humans. But one time, Jonathan didn't have the right change, and the vendor said, "Don't worry about it." But Jonathan insisted on paying, so he went to the store and bought something he didn't need to make change. But when he gave the money to the vendor, the vendor drew back. He was hurt. He was trying to do something kind, but Jonathan had rejected him.
Si fatzu un esempiu. Dognia mengianu, s'amigu miu Jonathan comporat su giornali de su propriu logu in New York. Non est sceti una transatzioni, perou. Si firmant a chistionai e si trattant cument'a personas. Ma un'orta, Jonathan non teniat dinai in cambiu e su giornalaiu dd'at nau: "Non ti preocupisi". Ma Jonathan boliat pagai e est andau a sa butega po comprai cancuna cosa chi non ddi serbiat po tenni dinai in cambiu. Ma candu at donau su dinai a su giornalaiu issu s'est furriau. Si nc'est agatau mali. Boliat fai una cosa gentili, ma Jonathan iat arrefudau.
I think we all reject people in small ways like this without realizing it. I do. I'll walk by someone I know and barely acknowledge them. I'll check my phone when someone's talking to me. These acts devalue others. They make them feel invisible and unworthy. But when you lead with love, you create a bond that lifts each of you up.
Pentzu ca totus arrefudaus is aterus chentz'e mancu si nd'acatai. Deu eja. Atobiu a cancunu chi connosciu chentz'e mancu ddu biri. Castiu su telefunu candu canuncu chistionat cun mei. Custas atzionis smenguant a is aterus. Ddus faint intendi invisibilis e inutilis. Ma candu ti donas cun amori criasa un acapiu chi ndi pesat a totus.
For many people, belonging is the most essential source of meaning, those bonds to family and friends. For others, the key to meaning is the second pillar: purpose. Now, finding your purpose is not the same thing as finding that job that makes you happy. Purpose is less about what you want than about what you give. A hospital custodian told me her purpose is healing sick people. Many parents tell me, "My purpose is raising my children." The key to purpose is using your strengths to serve others. Of course, for many of us, that happens through work. That's how we contribute and feel needed. But that also means that issues like disengagement at work, unemployment, low labor force participation -- these aren't just economic problems, they're existential ones, too. Without something worthwhile to do, people flounder. Of course, you don't have to find purpose at work, but purpose gives you something to live for, some "why" that drives you forward.
A genti meda, s'apartenentza ddis donat su sensu prus mannu, cussus acapius cun sa famiglia e is amigus. Po is aterus, su sensu benit de su segundu pilastru: un'iscopu. A agatai s'iscopu cosa tua non est sa propriu cosa de agatai su traballu chi ti donat gosu. S'iscopu no est a disigiai, est prus a donai. Una guardiana de spidali m'at nau ca s'iscopu cosa sua est a sanai sa genti. Medas babus e mamas mi nanta: "S'iscopu miu a est a pesai a fillus mius". Su fundamentu de s'iscopu est a imperai is fortzas cosa tua po is aterus. Certus, po medas de nosus custu sutzedit cun su traballu. Est aici chi pigaus parti e s'intendeus utilis. Ma bolit nai puru ca chistionis cument'a no agatai su traballu, a sa disocupatzioni, a sa pagu pratecipatzioni de is traballadoris, non funt sceti problemas economicus, ma funt puru esistentzialis. Chentz'e cancuna cosa digna de fai sa genti non bivit. Certus, non si depit agatai un iscopu in su traballu, ma un iscopu ti donat cancuna cosa chi ti fait bivi, su "poita" chi ti fait andai a innantis.
The third pillar of meaning is also about stepping beyond yourself, but in a completely different way: transcendence. Transcendent states are those rare moments when you're lifted above the hustle and bustle of daily life, your sense of self fades away, and you feel connected to a higher reality. For one person I talked to, transcendence came from seeing art. For another person, it was at church. For me, I'm a writer, and it happens through writing. Sometimes I get so in the zone that I lose all sense of time and place. These transcendent experiences can change you. One study had students look up at 200-feet-tall eucalyptus trees for one minute. But afterwards they felt less self-centered, and they even behaved more generously when given the chance to help someone.
Su pilastru de tres puru cumportat chi ndi bessat de tui e totu, ma in d'una manera diferenti: sa trascendentza. Is istadus trascendentis funt cussus rarus momentus chi ti scarescis de su trumbullu de dognia diri, s'axiori de tui e totu sparessit e t'intendis acapiau a una realidadi prus arta. Una persona m'at nau ca sa trascendentza ddi benit castiendi s'arti. Po un'atera, est in cresia. Po mimi, ca seu una scriidora, benit scriendi. A bortas, m'agatu in cussu logu a ca perdu su sensu de su tempus e su spatziu. Custas esperientzas trascendentalis ti podint cambiai. In d'unu studiu is studentis depiant castiai una mata de ocalitu de 60 metrus po unu minutu. A pustis, si intendiant prus pagu scientis de issus e totu e fuent fintzas prus generosus a s'ocasioni de agiudai a cancunu.
Belonging, purpose, transcendence. Now, the fourth pillar of meaning, I've found, tends to surprise people. The fourth pillar is storytelling, the story you tell yourself about yourself. Creating a narrative from the events of your life brings clarity. It helps you understand how you became you. But we don't always realize that we're the authors of our stories and can change the way we're telling them. Your life isn't just a list of events. You can edit, interpret and retell your story, even as you're constrained by the facts.
Appartenentza, iscopu, trascendentza. Su pilastru de cuatru chi apu agatau a su solitu meravigliat sa genti. Su cuartu pilastru est a contai storias, sa storia chi tui contas de tui e totu. A contai su chi ti sutzedit cument'a una storia ponit in craru, ti fait a cumprendi cumenti ses diventau su chi ses. Ma non sempiri cumprendeus ca nosus e totu seus is autoris e ca podeus cambiai sa manera de dda contai. Sa vida non est una lista de acontessius. Podeus curregi, interpretai e torrai a nai sa storia cosa nosta, mancai is acontessius siant is chi funt.
I met a young man named Emeka, who'd been paralyzed playing football. After his injury, Emeka told himself, "My life was great playing football, but now look at me." People who tell stories like this -- "My life was good. Now it's bad." -- tend to be more anxious and depressed. And that was Emeka for a while. But with time, he started to weave a different story. His new story was, "Before my injury, my life was purposeless. I partied a lot and was a pretty selfish guy. But my injury made me realize I could be a better man." That edit to his story changed Emeka's life. After telling the new story to himself, Emeka started mentoring kids, and he discovered what his purpose was: serving others. The psychologist Dan McAdams calls this a "redemptive story," where the bad is redeemed by the good. People leading meaningful lives, he's found, tend to tell stories about their lives defined by redemption, growth and love.
Apu connotu unu giovunu, Emeka, chi s'est amarmurau gioghendi a football. A pustis de s'incidenti, Emeka at nau: "Sa vida mia fuet bella gioghendi a football, ma castiaimiri imoi". Sa genti chi narat storias cument'a custa -- "Sa vida mia fuet bella, imoi est legia".-- tendint a essi prus apentzamentaus e prus depressus. E Emeka fuet aici po unu pagu de tempus. Ma cun su tempus, at cumentzau a tessi unu contu diferenti. Su contu nou fuet: "A innanti de s'incidenti bivemu chentz'e un iscopu. Fuemu festraxiu e egoista. Ma s'incidenti m'at fatu pentzai ca podemu essi un omini mellus". Custa revisioni de su contu cosa sua at cambiau sa vida de Emeka. Cun su contu nou Emeka at cumentzau a imparai a is pipius e at iscobertu ca s'iscopu fuet a serbiri is aterus. Su psicologu Dan McAdams ddu tzerriat "contu de redentzioni", a ca su mali est redentu de su bonu. Is chi bivint una vida prena de sensu, at iscobertu, si contant sa vida insoru parendidda de redentzioni, crescida e amori.
But what makes people change their stories? Some people get help from a therapist, but you can do it on your own, too, just by reflecting on your life thoughtfully, how your defining experiences shaped you, what you lost, what you gained. That's what Emeka did. You won't change your story overnight; it could take years and be painful. After all, we've all suffered, and we all struggle. But embracing those painful memories can lead to new insights and wisdom, to finding that good that sustains you.
Ma ita est chi fait cambiai is contus a sa genti? Cancunu dd'agiudat unu terapista, ma si podit fai a solus puru, bastat a pentzai beni a sa vida, a cumenti is esperientzas t'ant formau, su chi as perdiu, su chi as guadangiau. Custu est su chi at fatu Emeka. Non as a cambiai su contu in d'una noti, ci podint bolli annus e poit essi dolorosu. A s'acabada, eus sunfriu totus, e totus tribuliaus. Ma chi imprassas cussus amentos dolorosus arribas a una visioni e una sabiesa noa e agatas su bonu chi ti sustenit.
Belonging, purpose, transcendence, storytelling: those are the four pillars of meaning. When I was younger, I was lucky enough to be surrounded by all of the pillars. My parents ran a Sufi meetinghouse from our home in Montreal. Sufism is a spiritual practice associated with the whirling dervishes and the poet Rumi. Twice a week, Sufis would come to our home to meditate, drink Persian tea, and share stories. Their practice also involved serving all of creation through small acts of love, which meant being kind even when people wronged you. But it gave them a purpose: to rein in the ego.
Apartenentza, iscopu, trascendentza e a nai contus: custus funt is quatru pilastrus de su sensu de sa vida. Candu fuemu giovuna seu stetia aici fortunada de m'agatai ingiriada de totu 'e is cuatru pilastrus. Babu e mama teniant un centru sufi in domu nosta in Montreal. Su sufismu est una pratica spirituali assotziada a is derviscius chi giranta e a su poeta Rumi. Duas bortas a sa cida is sufis beniant a domu nosta po meditai, bufai tei persianu e contai istorias. In sa pratica insoru depiant puru serbiri totu sa creatzioni cun atzionis de amori, mancai piticas. Bollit nai a essi gentili fintzas cun is chi t'ant ofendiu. Custu ddi si onada un iscopu po apoderai s'egoismu cosa insoru.
Eventually, I left home for college and without the daily grounding of Sufism in my life, I felt unmoored. And I started searching for those things that make life worth living. That's what set me on this journey. Looking back, I now realize that the Sufi house had a real culture of meaning. The pillars were part of the architecture, and the presence of the pillars helped us all live more deeply.
A s'acabada, mi ndi seu andada de domu po andai a s'universidadi e chentz'e su fundu cotidianu de sufismu in sa vida mia m'intendemu perdia. E apu cumentzau a circai su chi serbit po tenni una vida digna. Custu m'at fatu cumentzai su biaji. Castiendimiri a palas, cumprendu ca sa domu sufi teniat diaderus una cultura de sensu. Is pilastrus fuent parti de s'architetura e cussus pilastrus s'agiudànt a bivi una vida prena.
Of course, the same principle applies in other strong communities as well -- good ones and bad ones. Gangs, cults: these are cultures of meaning that use the pillars and give people something to live and die for. But that's exactly why we as a society must offer better alternatives. We need to build these pillars within our families and our institutions to help people become their best selves. But living a meaningful life takes work. It's an ongoing process. As each day goes by, we're constantly creating our lives, adding to our story. And sometimes we can get off track.
Is proprius principius, certus, si applicant in ateras comunidadis fortis puru, bonas e malas. Ghengas, setas: custas funt culturas de sensu chi imperant is pilastrus e donant a sa genti cancuna cosa po bivi e po morri. Ma custa est propriu s'arexioni poita sa sotziedadi nosta depit donai scioberus mellus. Depeus pesai custus pilastrus a intru de is famiglias e is istitutzionis nostas po agiudai sa genti a essi su mellus chi podint. Ma a bivi una vida de sensu est traballosu. Est unu protzessu chi non acabat. Criaus sa vida nosta dogna diri aciungendi a su contu cosa nosta. E a bortas s'atufaus.
Whenever that happens to me, I remember a powerful experience I had with my father. Several months after I graduated from college, my dad had a massive heart attack that should have killed him. He survived, and when I asked him what was going through his mind as he faced death, he said all he could think about was needing to live so he could be there for my brother and me, and this gave him the will to fight for life. When he went under anesthesia for emergency surgery, instead of counting backwards from 10, he repeated our names like a mantra. He wanted our names to be the last words he spoke on earth if he died.
Candu sutzedit a mei pentzu a un'esperientza forti chi apu tentu cun babu miu. Medas mesis a pustis de sa laurea mia babu at tentu un infartu aici terribili chi nd'iat essi potziu morri. Non est mortu e candu dd'apu preguntau a ita iat pentzau candu at castiau sa morti in faci, at nau ca totu su chi at potziu pentzai fuet ca depiat bivi po agiudai a fradi miu e a mei e custu dd'at donau sa fortza de lutai po bivi. Candu dd'anti fatu s'anestesia po s'operatzioni de urgenza, intambus de contai a torradura agoa de 10, at ripitiu is nominis nostus a tipu mantra. Bolliat chi is nomins nostus fuessint is urtimus fueddus chi iat essi nau chi fuessit mortu.
My dad is a carpenter and a Sufi. It's a humble life, but a good life. Lying there facing death, he had a reason to live: love. His sense of belonging within his family, his purpose as a dad, his transcendent meditation, repeating our names -- these, he says, are the reasons why he survived. That's the story he tells himself.
Babu est maistu de linna e sufi. Una vida umili, ma una vida bona. Corcau ingunis anant'e sa morti teniat un'arrexoni po bivi: s'amori. Su sensu de apartenentza a sa famiglia sua, s'iscopu cument'a babu, sa meditatzioni trascendenti, a ripiti is nominis nostus -- custas, narat issu, funt is cosas chi dd'anti fatu bivi. Custu est su cuntu chi si contat a issu e totu.
That's the power of meaning. Happiness comes and goes. But when life is really good and when things are really bad, having meaning gives you something to hold on to.
Custa est sa fortza de su sensu. Sa biadìa cument'arribat si ndi andat. Ma candu sa vida è bella diaderus, o candu andat mali diaderus, a tenni unu sensu ti onat cancuna cosa po t'apoderai.
Thank you.
Grazias.
(Applause)
(Tzarracamanus)