I used to think the whole purpose of life was pursuing happiness. Everyone said the path to happiness was success, so I searched for that ideal job, that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful apartment. But instead of ever feeling fulfilled, I felt anxious and adrift. And I wasn't alone; my friends -- they struggled with this, too.
Nekada sam mislila da je potraga za srećom smisao života. Svi su govorili da je uspjeh put do sreće, stoga sam tražila idealan posao, savršenog dečka, predivan stan. Ali, umjesto osjećaja ispunjenosti, osjećala sam se tjeskobno i besciljno. Nisam bila jedina. I moji su se prijatelji s time borili.
Eventually, I decided to go to graduate school for positive psychology to learn what truly makes people happy. But what I discovered there changed my life. The data showed that chasing happiness can make people unhappy. And what really struck me was this: the suicide rate has been rising around the world, and it recently reached a 30-year high in America. Even though life is getting objectively better by nearly every conceivable standard, more people feel hopeless, depressed and alone. There's an emptiness gnawing away at people, and you don't have to be clinically depressed to feel it. Sooner or later, I think we all wonder: Is this all there is? And according to the research, what predicts this despair is not a lack of happiness. It's a lack of something else, a lack of having meaning in life.
S vremenom sam odlučila upisati studij pozitivne psihologije, kako bih naučila što ljude istinski usrećuje. Ali, ono što sam tamo naučila, promijenilo mi je život. Podaci su pokazali da traženje sreće čini ljude nesretnima. Ono što me zaista pogodilo je sljedeće: stopa samoubojstava u svijetu raste, a u Americi je stopa sada najviša u proteklih 30 godina. Iako život objektivno postaje bolji prema svakom mogućem standardu, sve se više ljudi osjeća bespomoćno, depresivno i usamljeno. Postoji praznina koja izjeda ljude i ne osjećaju je samo klinički depresivni ljudi. Prije ili kasnije, svi se zapitamo: Je li ovo sve što postoji? Prema istraživanju, ono što nagovješta taj očaj nije nedostatak sreće. To je nedostatak nečeg drugog, nedostatak smisla u životu.
But that raised some questions for me. Is there more to life than being happy? And what's the difference between being happy and having meaning in life? Many psychologists define happiness as a state of comfort and ease, feeling good in the moment. Meaning, though, is deeper. The renowned psychologist Martin Seligman says meaning comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself and from developing the best within you. Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but I came to see that seeking meaning is the more fulfilling path. And the studies show that people who have meaning in life, they're more resilient, they do better in school and at work, and they even live longer.
To me navelo da postavim neka pitanja. Ima li nešto više u životu od toga da samo budemo sretni? I koja je razlika između sreće i smislenog života? Puno psihologa definira sreću kao stanje ugode i spokoja, kada se u nekom trenutku osjećamo dobro. Smisao je ipak dublji. Poznati psiholog Martin Seligman navodi da smisao dolazi od osjećaja pripadnosti i služeći nečem većem od nas samih, te kada postanemo najbolja verzija sebe. Naša je kultura opsjednuta srećom, ali uvidjela sam da je potraga za smislom ono što nas zaista ispunjava. Istraživanja su pokazala da su ljudi koji imaju ispunjen život otporniji, postižu bolji uspjeh u školovanju i u poslu, čak i duže žive.
So this all made me wonder: How can we each live more meaningfully? To find out, I spent five years interviewing hundreds of people and reading through thousands of pages of psychology, neuroscience and philosophy. Bringing it all together, I found that there are what I call four pillars of a meaningful life. And we can each create lives of meaning by building some or all of these pillars in our lives.
Sve me ovo navelo da se zapitam: kako možemo živjeti što ispunjenijim životom? Kako bih na to odgovorila, provela sam pet godina ispitujući stotine ljudi i čitajući tisuće stranica iz područja psihologije, neuroznanosti i filozofije. Nakon što sam sve sabrala, spoznala sam da postoje četiri temelja ispunjenog života. Svatko može izgraditi ispunjen život ukoliko primijeni nekoliko ili sve te potrebne temelje u svoj život.
The first pillar is belonging. Belonging comes from being in relationships where you're valued for who you are intrinsically and where you value others as well. But some groups and relationships deliver a cheap form of belonging; you're valued for what you believe, for who you hate, not for who you are. True belonging springs from love. It lives in moments among individuals, and it's a choice -- you can choose to cultivate belonging with others.
Prvi je temelj pripadanje. Pripadanje dolazi iz odnosa s drugima, gdje te cijene zbog toga kakav si iznutra i gdje ti ujedno cijeniš i druge. No, neke grupe i veze cijene pogrešnu vrstu pripadanja: cijene te zbog onoga u što vjeruješ, zbog toga koga mrziš, a ne zbog tebe samog. Istinska pripadnost potječe iz ljubavi. Ona živi u trenucima među pojedincima, i to je izbor - možeš izabrati da njeguješ pripadnost s drugima.
Here's an example. Each morning, my friend Jonathan buys a newspaper from the same street vendor in New York. They don't just conduct a transaction, though. They take a moment to slow down, talk, and treat each other like humans. But one time, Jonathan didn't have the right change, and the vendor said, "Don't worry about it." But Jonathan insisted on paying, so he went to the store and bought something he didn't need to make change. But when he gave the money to the vendor, the vendor drew back. He was hurt. He was trying to do something kind, but Jonathan had rejected him.
Navest ću primjer. Svako jutro, moj prijatelj Jonathan kupuje novine od istog uličnog prodavača u New Yorku. No, njihov se odnos ne temelji samo na kupovini. Oni zastanu, popričaju i međusobno se odnose kao ljudi. Jednom Jonathan nije imao dovoljno sitnog novca za novine, na što je prodavač rekao: "Ne brini se, u redu je." Jonathan je inzistirao da plati, stoga je otišao u trgovinu, kupio nešto što nije trebao, kako bi imao sitnog novca. Ali, kada je dao novce prodavaču, prodavač se povukao. To ga je povrijedilo. Pokušao je učiniti dobro djelo, ali ga je Jonathan odbacio.
I think we all reject people in small ways like this without realizing it. I do. I'll walk by someone I know and barely acknowledge them. I'll check my phone when someone's talking to me. These acts devalue others. They make them feel invisible and unworthy. But when you lead with love, you create a bond that lifts each of you up.
Mislim da svi mi odbijamo ljude kroz sitnice, a da ni ne shvaćamo. I ja to radim. Ponekad prođem kraj poznanika, a da ga ni ne primijetim. Znam provjeriti mobitel dok mi netko nešto govori. Ovakva djela obezvređuju druge. Zbog toga se drugi osjećaju nevidljivo i manje vrijedno. No, kada djelujete s ljubavlju, tada stvarate vezu koja potiče svakog od vas.
For many people, belonging is the most essential source of meaning, those bonds to family and friends. For others, the key to meaning is the second pillar: purpose. Now, finding your purpose is not the same thing as finding that job that makes you happy. Purpose is less about what you want than about what you give. A hospital custodian told me her purpose is healing sick people. Many parents tell me, "My purpose is raising my children." The key to purpose is using your strengths to serve others. Of course, for many of us, that happens through work. That's how we contribute and feel needed. But that also means that issues like disengagement at work, unemployment, low labor force participation -- these aren't just economic problems, they're existential ones, too. Without something worthwhile to do, people flounder. Of course, you don't have to find purpose at work, but purpose gives you something to live for, some "why" that drives you forward.
Za mnogo je ljudi pripadanje najznačajniji izvor smisla, osobito veze s obitelji i prijateljima. Za druge smisao tvori sljedeći temelj: svrha. Pronaći svoju svrhu nije isto što i pronaći posao koji te usrećuje. Svrha je ono što dajemo, a ne ono što želimo. Jedna skrbnica u bolnici rekla mi je da je njezina svrha liječiti ljude. Mnogi mi roditelji govore, "Moja je svrha odgajati moju djecu." Do svrhe se dolazi koristeći svoju snagu kako bismo pomogli drugima. Naravno, kod mnogih od nas, to se događa kroz posao. To je način našeg doprinosa i tako se osjećamo potrebnima. To znači da čak i problemi poput nezainteresiranosti na poslu, nezaposlenosti, malog udjela aktivno zaposlenih ljudi, nisu samo problemi ekonomije, već i egzistencijalni problemi. Bez nečega što je vrijedno truda, ljudi izgube volju. Naravno, ne morate pronaći svoju svrhu na poslu, ali svrha nam daje razlog da za nešto živimo, ono "nešto" što nas gura naprijed.
The third pillar of meaning is also about stepping beyond yourself, but in a completely different way: transcendence. Transcendent states are those rare moments when you're lifted above the hustle and bustle of daily life, your sense of self fades away, and you feel connected to a higher reality. For one person I talked to, transcendence came from seeing art. For another person, it was at church. For me, I'm a writer, and it happens through writing. Sometimes I get so in the zone that I lose all sense of time and place. These transcendent experiences can change you. One study had students look up at 200-feet-tall eucalyptus trees for one minute. But afterwards they felt less self-centered, and they even behaved more generously when given the chance to help someone.
Treći temelj ispunjenog života također je uzdići se iznad sebe samoga, ali u potpuno drugačijem smislu: uzvišenost. Stanje uzvišenosti tvore oni rijetki trenuci kada se uzdignemo iznad svakodnevne zbrke i strke, kada izblijedi svijest o sebi i kada se osjećamo povezani s višom realnošću. Za nekoga stanje uzvišenosti javlja se dok promatra umjetničko djelo. Drugi to dožive u crkvi. S druge strane, ja kao pisac to doživljavam kroz pisanje. Ponekad se toliko udubim, da izgubim pojam o vremenu i prostoru. Ova vas iskustva uzvišenosti mogu promijeniti. U jednom su istraživanju studenti trebali gledati u stabla visoka 60 metara cijelu minutu. Nakon toga nisu bili toliko egoistični, čak su pokazali i velikodušnost kada im je dana prilika da pomognu nekome.
Belonging, purpose, transcendence. Now, the fourth pillar of meaning, I've found, tends to surprise people. The fourth pillar is storytelling, the story you tell yourself about yourself. Creating a narrative from the events of your life brings clarity. It helps you understand how you became you. But we don't always realize that we're the authors of our stories and can change the way we're telling them. Your life isn't just a list of events. You can edit, interpret and retell your story, even as you're constrained by the facts.
Pripadanje, svrha, uzvišenost. Četvrti temelj ispunjenog života koji sam ustanovila često iznenađuje ljude. Četvrti je temelj pripovijedanje, priče koje pričate sebi o sebi samima. Stvaranje priče iz događaja u vašem životu daje jasnoću. Ono vam pomaže shvatiti kako ste vi postali vi. No, često ne razumijemo da smo mi pisci naših priča i da možemo promijeniti način pripovijedanja. Vaš život nije samo lista događaja. Vašu priču možete sami urediti, protumačiti i prepričati, čak i kada ste ograničeni činjenicama.
I met a young man named Emeka, who'd been paralyzed playing football. After his injury, Emeka told himself, "My life was great playing football, but now look at me." People who tell stories like this -- "My life was good. Now it's bad." -- tend to be more anxious and depressed. And that was Emeka for a while. But with time, he started to weave a different story. His new story was, "Before my injury, my life was purposeless. I partied a lot and was a pretty selfish guy. But my injury made me realize I could be a better man." That edit to his story changed Emeka's life. After telling the new story to himself, Emeka started mentoring kids, and he discovered what his purpose was: serving others. The psychologist Dan McAdams calls this a "redemptive story," where the bad is redeemed by the good. People leading meaningful lives, he's found, tend to tell stories about their lives defined by redemption, growth and love.
Upoznala sam mladića Emeku, koji je ostao paraliziran dok je igrao nogomet. Nakon ozljede, Emeka si je rekao: "Moj je život bio dobar dok sam igrao nogomet, a pogledajte me sada." Ljudi koji pričaju priče poput: "Moj je život bio dobar. Sad je loš.", tjeskobniji su i depresivniji. Takav je jednom bio i Emeka. Ali, s vremenom počeo je tkati drugačiju priču. Njegova je nova priča glasila, "Prije moje ozljede, moj je život bio besciljan. Puno sam tulumario i bio sam poprilično sebičan tip. No, ozljeda me natjerala da shvatim da mogu biti bolji čovjek." Ta izmjena njegove priče, promijenila je Emekov život. Nakon što je sebi pričao novu priču, Emeka je postao mentor djeci i otkrio je svoju svrhu: pomagati drugima. Psiholog Dan McAdams nazvao je to "pričom o iskupljenju", onu gdje je dobro iskupilo zlo. On navodi da ljudi koji žive ispunjenim životom pričaju svoje životne priče protkane iskupljenjem, rastom i ljubavlju.
But what makes people change their stories? Some people get help from a therapist, but you can do it on your own, too, just by reflecting on your life thoughtfully, how your defining experiences shaped you, what you lost, what you gained. That's what Emeka did. You won't change your story overnight; it could take years and be painful. After all, we've all suffered, and we all struggle. But embracing those painful memories can lead to new insights and wisdom, to finding that good that sustains you.
Ali zbog čega ljudi mijenjaju priče? Neki ljudi traže pomoć terapeuta, ali to možete učiniti i sami, promišljajući o svome životu, kako su vas iskustva definirala kao osobu, što ste izgubili, a što dobili. Isto je učinio i Emeka. Priču ne možete promijeniti preko noći, ponekad su potrebne godine i često postane bolno. Na kraju krajeva, svi smo patili i svi se borimo. Ali, prihvaćanje tih teških sjećanja može vas dovesti do novih spoznaja i mudrosti, da pronađete ono dobro u vama.
Belonging, purpose, transcendence, storytelling: those are the four pillars of meaning. When I was younger, I was lucky enough to be surrounded by all of the pillars. My parents ran a Sufi meetinghouse from our home in Montreal. Sufism is a spiritual practice associated with the whirling dervishes and the poet Rumi. Twice a week, Sufis would come to our home to meditate, drink Persian tea, and share stories. Their practice also involved serving all of creation through small acts of love, which meant being kind even when people wronged you. But it gave them a purpose: to rein in the ego.
Pripadanje, svrha, uzvišenje, pripovijedanje, to su četiri temelja ispunjenog života. Kad sam bila mlađa, imala sam sreću da budem okružena svim tim temeljima. Moji su roditelji vodili kuću susreta za sufije u Montrealu. Sufizam je vrsta duhovne vježbe povezana s dervišima koji se vrte i pjesnikom Rumijem. Dva puta tjedno, sufiji bi došli k nama meditirati, piti perzijski čaj i dijeliti svoje priče. Taj je običaj podrazumijevao i pomaganje drugima kroz male znakove pažnje, odnosno pokazati dobrotu i kada te ljudi povrijede. Ali, to im je dalo svrhu: obuzdati svoj ego.
Eventually, I left home for college and without the daily grounding of Sufism in my life, I felt unmoored. And I started searching for those things that make life worth living. That's what set me on this journey. Looking back, I now realize that the Sufi house had a real culture of meaning. The pillars were part of the architecture, and the presence of the pillars helped us all live more deeply.
Kada sam otišla na fakultet i bez svakodnevnog prakticiranja sufizma, osjećala sam se nesigurno. Počela sam tražiti nešto za što je vrijedilo živjeti. Radi toga sam i krenula na ovaj put. Gledajući unazad, sada mi je jasno da je kuća susreta sufija zapravo bila vrsta kulture smisla. Temelji su bili dio arhitekture i prisutnost temelja pomogla nam je živjeti dubljim životom.
Of course, the same principle applies in other strong communities as well -- good ones and bad ones. Gangs, cults: these are cultures of meaning that use the pillars and give people something to live and die for. But that's exactly why we as a society must offer better alternatives. We need to build these pillars within our families and our institutions to help people become their best selves. But living a meaningful life takes work. It's an ongoing process. As each day goes by, we're constantly creating our lives, adding to our story. And sometimes we can get off track.
Naravno, isti se princip primjenjuje i u drugim jakim zajednicama, u dobrim i lošim. Bande, kultovi, to su kulture smisla koje počivaju na temeljima i ljudima daju nešto za što će živjeti i umrijeti. Ali, upravo to je razlog zbog čega mi, kao društvo, moramo ponuditi bolja rješenja. Trebamo izgraditi temelje u svojim obiteljima i institucijama, kako bismo pomogli drugima da postanu najbolja verzija sebe. Ali za ispunjen život potrebno je raditi na tome. To je trajan proces. Svakim danom neprestano stvaramo naše živote, nastavljamo svoju priču. Ponekad čak i skrenemo s puta.
Whenever that happens to me, I remember a powerful experience I had with my father. Several months after I graduated from college, my dad had a massive heart attack that should have killed him. He survived, and when I asked him what was going through his mind as he faced death, he said all he could think about was needing to live so he could be there for my brother and me, and this gave him the will to fight for life. When he went under anesthesia for emergency surgery, instead of counting backwards from 10, he repeated our names like a mantra. He wanted our names to be the last words he spoke on earth if he died.
Kad god mi se to dogodi, sjetim se značajnog iskustva sa svojim ocem. Nekoliko mjeseci nakon što sam diplomirala, moj je otac doživio snažan srčani udar koji ga je skoro ubio. Preživio je, i kada sam ga pitala o čemu je razmišljao dok se suočavao sa smrću, rekao je da je samo mislio kako mora nastaviti živjeti, kako bi mogao biti uz mojeg brata i mene, i to mu je dalo snagu da se nastavi boriti. Kada je primio anesteziju za hitnu operaciju, umjesto odbrojavanja od 10 unazad, ponavljao je naša imena poput mantre. Htio je da naša imena budu njegove posljednje riječi na zemlji, u slučaju smrti.
My dad is a carpenter and a Sufi. It's a humble life, but a good life. Lying there facing death, he had a reason to live: love. His sense of belonging within his family, his purpose as a dad, his transcendent meditation, repeating our names -- these, he says, are the reasons why he survived. That's the story he tells himself.
Moj je otac stolar i sufi. To je skroman život, ali dobar život. Dok se suočavao sa smrću, imao je razloga živjeti: imao je ljubav. Njegov osjećaj pripadanja u obitelji, svrha njega kao oca, njegova uzvišena meditacija dok je ponavljao naša imena, rekao je da su to razlozi zbog kojih je preživio. To je priča koju on govori sebi.
That's the power of meaning. Happiness comes and goes. But when life is really good and when things are really bad, having meaning gives you something to hold on to.
To je moć smisla. Sreća dolazi i odlazi. Ali kad je život zaista dobar i kada sve izgleda loše, smisao je ono što nas gura naprijed.
Thank you.
Hvala.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)