So I'm a woman with chronic schizophrenia. I've spent hundreds of days in psychiatric hospitals. I might have ended up spending most of my life on the back ward of a hospital, but that isn't how my life turned out. In fact, I've managed to stay clear of hospitals for almost three decades, perhaps my proudest accomplishment. That's not to say that I've remained clear of all psychiatric struggles. After I graduated from the Yale Law School and got my first law job, my New Haven analyst, Dr. White, announced to me that he was going to close his practice in three months, several years before I had planned to leave New Haven. White had been enormously helpful to me, and the thought of his leaving shattered me.
Ja sam žena koja boluje od hronične šizofrenije. Provela sam na stotine dana u psihijatrijskim ustanovama. Mogla sam provesti većinu svog života u bolničkoj sobi, no moj život je uzeo drugi pravac. Naime, uspešno izbegavam boravak u bolnici već skoro tri decenije i to je verovatno nešto čime se najviše ponosim u životu. Međutim, to ne znači da sam se izborila sa svim psihijatrijskim problemima. Nakon što sam diplomirala pravo na Jejlu i dobila svoj prvi posao u struci, moj psihijatar iz Nju Hejvena, Dr. Vajt, saopštio mi je da će zatvoriti ordinaciju za tri meseca, dok sam ja planirala da napustim Nju Hejven tek za nekoliko godina. Dr Vajt mi je bio od velike pomoći i pomisao na njegov odlazak me je duboko potresla.
My best friend Steve, sensing that something was terribly wrong, flew out to New Haven to be with me. Now I'm going to quote from some of my writings: "I opened the door to my studio apartment. Steve would later tell me that, for all the times he had seen me psychotic, nothing could have prepared him for what he saw that day. For a week or more, I had barely eaten. I was gaunt. I walked as though my legs were wooden. My face looked and felt like a mask. I had closed all the curtains in the apartment, so in the middle of the day the apartment was in near total darkness. The air was fetid, the room a shambles. Steve, both a lawyer and a psychologist, has treated many patients with severe mental illness, and to this day he'll say I was as bad as any he had ever seen. 'Hi,' I said, and then I returned to the couch, where I sat in silence for several moments. 'Thank you for coming, Steve. Crumbling world, word, voice. Tell the clocks to stop. Time is. Time has come.' 'White is leaving,' Steve said somberly. 'I'm being pushed into a grave. The situation is grave,' I moan. 'Gravity is pulling me down. I'm scared. Tell them to get away.'"
Moj nabolji prijatelj Stiv osetio je da nešto nije u redu i doputovao je u Nju Hejven da bude sa mnom. Citiraću sada neke od svojih zapisa: "Otvorila sam vrata svoje garsonjere. Stiv mi je kasnije rekao da, iako je već imao prilike da me vidi u psihotičnom stanju, ništa ga nije moglo pripremiti za ono što je tada video. Nedelju dana ili više gotovo uopšte nisam jela. Delovala sam ispijeno. Hodala sam kao da su mi noge od olova. Osećala sam da mi je lice kao maska, tako je i izgledalo. Navukla sam sve zavese u stanu, tako da je usred bela dana stan bio skoro u potpunosti zamračen. Vazduh je bio ustajao, soba u haosu. Stiv, po struci pravnik i psiholog, lečio je mnoge pacijente sa teškim mentalnim poremećajima, i on i danas tvrdi da nikada nije video pacijenta u ozbiljnijem stanju. "Zdravo," rekla sam pre nego što sam se vratila na kauč, gde sam sedela neko vreme u tišini. "Hvala što si došao, Stive. Svet se ruši, reč, glas. Zaustavi satove. Vreme je. Došlo je vreme." "Vajt odlazi", rekao je Stiv ozbiljno. "Gurnuli su me u grob. Situacija je ozbiljna", progunđala sam. "Gravitacija me ozbiljno vuče na dole. Uplašena sam. Reci im da odu.'"
As a young woman, I was in a psychiatric hospital on three different occasions for lengthy periods. My doctors diagnosed me with chronic schizophrenia, and gave me a prognosis of "grave." That is, at best, I was expected to live in a board and care, and work at menial jobs. Fortunately, I did not actually enact that grave prognosis. Instead, I'm a chaired Professor of Law, Psychology and Psychiatry at the USC Gould School of Law, I have many close friends and I have a beloved husband, Will, who's here with us today.
Kao mlada žena, u psihijatrijskoj bolnici sam bila 3 puta, na duže vreme. Lekari su mi dijagnostikovali hroničnu šizofreniju i prognoza je bila "ozbiljna". U najboljem slučaju, predvideli su da ću živeti u domu i raditi nekvalifikovane poslove. Srećom, nisam ostvarila tu užasnu prognozu. Umesto toga, ja sam glavni profesor prava, psihologije i psihijatrije na Pravnom fakultetu u Južnoj Kaliforniji, imam mnogo bliskih prijatelja i voljenog muža Vila, koji je ovde s nama danas.
(Applause) Thank you. He's definitely the star of my show.
(Aplauz) Hvala. On je sigurno zvezda moje priče.
I'd like to share with you how that happened, and also describe my experience of being psychotic. I hasten to add that it's my experience, because everyone becomes psychotic in his or her own way.
Volela bih da podelim sa vama kako se to desilo i da opišem svoje psihotično iskustvo. Naglašavam da je to moje iskustvo, jer svako postane psihotičan na svoj način.
Let's start with the definition of schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is a brain disease. Its defining feature is psychosis, or being out of touch with reality. Delusions and hallucinations are hallmarks of the illness. Delusions are fixed and false beliefs that aren't responsive to evidence, and hallucinations are false sensory experiences. For example, when I'm psychotic I often have the delusion that I've killed hundreds of thousands of people with my thoughts. I sometimes have the idea that nuclear explosions are about to be set off in my brain. Occasionally, I have hallucinations, like one time I turned around and saw a man with a raised knife. Imagine having a nightmare while you're awake.
Počnimo sa definicijom šizofrenije. To je mentalna bolest. Ono što je definiše je psihoza, gubitak dodira sa realnošću. Deluzije i halucinacije su obeležja bolesti. Deluzije su ukorenjena lažna uverenja neosetljiva na dokaze, a halucinacije su lažna senzorna iskustva. Na primer, u stanju psihoze često imam uverenje da sam svojim mislima ubila stotine hiljada ljudi. Ponekada mislim da će doći do nuklearnih eksplozija u mom mozgu. Ponekad imam halucinacije, kao kad sam se jednom okrenula i ugledala čoveka sa nožem u ruci. Zamislite da imate noćnu moru u budnom stanju.
Often, speech and thinking become disorganized to the point of incoherence. Loose associations involves putting together words that may sound a lot alike but don't make sense, and if the words get jumbled up enough, it's called "word salad." Contrary to what many people think, schizophrenia is not the same as multiple personality disorder or split personality. The schizophrenic mind is not split, but shattered.
Često govor i mišljenje postaju dezorganizovani to tačke besmisla. Nepovezane asocijacije uključuju spajanje reči koje možda zvuče slično, ali nemaju smisla i ako se reči dovoljno pomešaju, to se naziva salatom od reči. Suprotno mišljenju mnogih, šizofrenija nije isto što i poremećaj višestruke ili podeljene ličnosti. Šizofreni um nije podeljen, nego rascepan.
Everyone has seen a street person, unkempt, probably ill-fed, standing outside of an office building muttering to himself or shouting. This person is likely to have some form of schizophrenia. But schizophrenia presents itself across a wide array of socioeconomic status, and there are people with the illness who are full-time professionals with major responsibilities. Several years ago, I decided to write down my experiences and my personal journey, and I want to share some more of that story with you today to convey the inside view.
Svi su videli beskućnika, neurednog, verovatno neuhranjenog kako stoji ispred neke zgrade i mrmlja za sebe ili viče. Verovatno ta osoba ima neku vrstu šizofrenije. Ali šizofrenija se javlja kod osoba svih socioekonomskih prilika, postoje ljudi sa bolešću koji su profesionalci sa ogromnim odgovornostima. Pre nekoliko godina odlučila sam da zapišem svoja iskustva i lični put i danas želim da deo te priče podelim sa vama kako bih prenela svoj pogled.
So the following episode happened the seventh week of my first semester of my first year at Yale Law School. Quoting from my writings: "My two classmates, Rebel and Val, and I had made the date to meet in the law school library on Friday night to work on our memo assignment together. But we didn't get far before I was talking in ways that made no sense.
Sledeća epizoda desila se sedme nedelje mog prvog semestra, prve godine na studijama prava na Jejlu. Citiram svoje beleške: "Dvoje kolega, Rebel, Val i ja smo se dogovorili da se nađemo u petak uveče u školskoj biblioteci da radimo zajedno na zadatku. Ali nismo daleko dogurali kad sam počela da govorim potpuno besmisleno.
'Memos are visitations,' I informed them. 'They make certain points. The point is on your head. Pat used to say that. Have you killed you anyone?' Rebel and Val looked at me as if they or I had been splashed in the face with cold water. 'What are you talking about, Elyn?' 'Oh, you know, the usual. Who's what, what's who, heaven and hell. Let's go out on the roof. It's a flat surface. It's safe.' Rebel and Val followed and they asked what had gotten into me. 'This is the real me,' I announced, waving my arms above my head. And then, late on a Friday night, on the roof of the Yale Law School, I began to sing, and not quietly either. 'Come to the Florida sunshine bush. Do you want to dance?' 'Are you on drugs?' one asked. 'Are you high?' 'High? Me? No way, no drugs. Come to the Florida sunshine bush, where there are lemons, where they make demons.' 'You're frightening me,' one of them said, and Rebel and Val headed back into the library. I shrugged and followed them.
"Zadaci su posete", obavestila sam ih. "Imaju određenu poentu. Ona je u našoj glavi. Pat je to govorila. Da li ste nekoga ubili?" Rebel i Val su me pogledali kao da je neko prosuo hladnu vodu na njihova ili moje lice. "O čemu to govoriš, Elin?" "O, znate, o uobičajenom. Ko je šta, šta je ko, o raju i paklu. Hajdemo na krov. To je ravna površina. Bezbedno je." Oni su me pratili i pitali šta je ušlo u mene. "Ovo sam prava ja", objavila sam, mašući rukama iznad glave. A onda, kasno jednog petka na krovu pravnog fakulteta na Jejlu, počela sam da pevam i to ne tiho. "Dođite do sunčanog grma Floride. Da li želite da plešete?" "Jesi drogirana", pitali su me, "Jesi naduvana?" "Naduvana? Ja? Nema šanse, nema droga. Dođite do sunčanog grma Floride, gde ima limunova, gde su demoni." "Plašiš me", reče jedno od njih i krenuše nazad u bibioteku. Slegla sam ramenima i pošla za njima.
Back inside, I asked my classmates if they were having the same experience of words jumping around our cases as I was. 'I think someone's infiltrated my copies of the cases,' I said. 'We've got to case the joint. I don't believe in joints, but they do hold your body together.'" -- It's an example of loose associations. -- "Eventually I made my way back to my dorm room, and once there, I couldn't settle down. My head was too full of noise, too full of orange trees and law memos I could not write and mass murders I knew I would be responsible for. Sitting on my bed, I rocked back and forth, moaning in fear and isolation." This episode led to my first hospitalization in America. I had two earlier in England.
Unutra, pitala sam kolege da li i oni doživljavaju da reči skaču naokolo po našim slučajevima kao i ja. "Mislim da je neko ušao u kopije mojih slučajeva", rekla sam. "Moramo da učimo zglob. Ne verujem u zglobove, ali oni drže vaše telo" -- to je primer nepovezanih asocijacija -- "Na kraju sam se nekako vratila do sobe i tamo nisam mogla da se smirim. Glava mi je bila puna buke, prepuna narandžastog drveća i pravnih zadataka koje nisam mogla da napišem i masovnih ubistava za koja sam znala da ću biti odgovorna. Sedeći na krevetu, ljuljala sam se napred - nazad, mumlajući u strahu i izolaciji." Ova epizoda je dovela do moje prve hospitalizacije u Americi. Prethodna dva puta bilo je u Engleskoj.
Continuing with the writings: "The next morning I went to my professor's office to ask for an extension on the memo assignment, and I began gibbering unintelligably as I had the night before, and he eventually brought me to the emergency room. Once there, someone I'll just call 'The Doctor' and his whole team of goons swooped down, lifted me high into the air, and slammed me down on a metal bed with such force that I saw stars. Then they strapped my legs and arms to the metal bed with thick leather straps. A sound came out of my mouth that I'd never heard before: half groan, half scream, barely human and pure terror. Then the sound came again, forced from somewhere deep inside my belly and scraping my throat raw." This incident resulted in my involuntary hospitalization. One of the reasons the doctors gave for hospitalizing me against my will was that I was "gravely disabled." To support this view, they wrote in my chart that I was unable to do my Yale Law School homework. I wondered what that meant about much of the rest of New Haven. (Laughter)
Nastavljam sa pisanjem: "Sledećeg jutra otišla sam do profesorove kancelarije da tražim produženje za zadatak, i počela sam nejasno da lupetam kao i prethodne noći, pa me je na kraju doveo do urgentnog centra. Tamo, neko koga ću nazvati samo Doktor, i ceo njegov tim gorila su se obrušili, podigli me visoko u vazduh i bacili me na metalni krevet sa takvom silinom da sam videla zvezde. Onda su mi vezali noge i ruke za metalni krevet debelim kožnim kaiševima. Iz mene je izašao zvuk kakav ranije nisam čula: pola vrisak, pola urlik, jedva ljudski i čist užas. Onda se ponovio, iz dubine mog stomaka i cepajući mi grlo." Ovaj incident rezultirao je prisilnom hospitalizacijom. Jedan od razloga koji su doktori naveli za prisilnu hospitalizaciju je da sam "smrtno onesposobljena." Da bi to podržali, u mom kartonu su napisali da sam nesposobna da radim domaće zadatke. Pitala sam se šta to znači za većinu ostatka Nju Hejvena. (Smeh)
During the next year, I would spend five months in a psychiatric hospital. At times, I spent up to 20 hours in mechanical restraints, arms tied, arms and legs tied down, arms and legs tied down with a net tied tightly across my chest. I never struck anyone. I never harmed anyone. I never made any direct threats. If you've never been restrained yourself, you may have a benign image of the experience. There's nothing benign about it.
Tokom sledeće godine, provela sam pet meseci u psihijatrijskoj bolnici. Ponekad bih provela i do 20 sati vezana, vezanih ruku, ruku i nogu vezanih, ruku i nogu vezanih i sa mrežom vezanom tesno preko grudi. Nikada nisam udarila nikoga. Nikome nisam naudila. Nikada direktno pretila. Ako nikada niste bili vezani, možda imate benignu sliku tog iskustva. U tome nema ništa benigno.
Every week in the United States, it's been estimated that one to three people die in restraints. They strangle, they aspirate their vomit, they suffocate, they have a heart attack. It's unclear whether using mechanical restraints is actually saving lives or costing lives. While I was preparing to write my student note for the Yale Law Journal on mechanical restraints, I consulted an eminent law professor who was also a psychiatrist, and said surely he would agree that restraints must be degrading, painful and frightening. He looked at me in a knowing way, and said, "Elyn, you don't really understand: These people are psychotic. They're different from me and you. They wouldn't experience restraints as we would." I didn't have the courage to tell him in that moment that, no, we're not that different from him. We don't like to be strapped down to a bed and left to suffer for hours any more than he would. In fact, until very recently, and I'm sure some people still hold it as a view, that restraints help psychiatric patients feel safe. I've never met a psychiatric patient who agreed with that view. Today, I'd like to say I'm very pro-psychiatry but very anti-force. I don't think force is effective as treatment, and I think using force is a terrible thing to do to another person with a terrible illness.
Procenjuje se da svake nedelje u Sjedinjenim Državama jedna do tri osobe umre vezana. Zadave se, udave sopstvenom povraćkom, uguše se, imaju srčani udar. Nejasno je da li mehaničko sputavanje u stvari čuva ili uništava živote. Dok sam se pripremala da napišem studentski rad o mehaničkom sputavanju, konsultovala sam eminentnog profesora prava koji je i psihijatar, i mislila da će se složiti da ono degradira, da je bolno i zastrašujuće. Pogledao me znalački i rekao: "Elin, ne razumeš: ti ljudi su psihotični. Drugačiji su od tebe i mene. Ne doživljavaju sputavanje kako bismo ti i ja doživeli." U tom trenutku nisam imala hrabrosti da mu kažem da nismo drugačiji od njega. Ne volimo da smo vezani za krevet i ostavljeni da patimo satima, ništa više od njega. U stvari, do skoro, a sigurna sam da i dalje neki dele to mišljenje, sputavanje pomaže psihijatrijskim pacijentima da se osećaju bezbedno. Nikada nisam upoznala pacijenta koji se slaže sa tim. Želim da kažem da sam danas veoma za psihijatriju, ali veoma protiv sile. Mislim da sila nije efektan tretman i da je užasno koristiti je na drugoj osobi koja pati od užasne bolesti.
Eventually, I came to Los Angeles to teach at the University of Southern California Law School. For years, I had resisted medication, making many, many efforts to get off. I felt that if I could manage without medication, I could prove that, after all, I wasn't really mentally ill, it was some terrible mistake. My motto was the less medicine, the less defective. My L.A. analyst, Dr. Kaplan, was urging me just to stay on medication and get on with my life, but I decided I wanted to make one last college try to get off. Quoting from the text: "I started the reduction of my meds, and within a short time I began feeling the effects. After returning from a trip to Oxford, I marched into Kaplan's office, headed straight for the corner, crouched down, covered my face, and began shaking. All around me I sensed evil beings poised with daggers. They'd slice me up in thin slices or make me swallow hot coals. Kaplan would later describe me as 'writhing in agony.' Even in this state, what he accurately described as acutely and forwardly psychotic, I refused to take more medication. The mission is not yet complete.
Na kraju sam došla u Los Anđeles da predajem da Pravnom fakultetu Južne Kalifornije. Godinama sam odbijala terapiju i naporno radila da je prekinem. Osećala sam da, ako mogu bez lekova, mogla bih da dokažem da nisam zapravo mentalno bolesna i da je to bila neka užasna greška. Moj moto je bio - manje lekova, manje štete. Moj analitičar iz Los Anđelesa, dr Kaplan, me je nagovarao da ostanem na lekovima, da nastavim sa životom ali odlučila sam da još jednom probam da prekinem. Citiram svoj tekst: "Počela sam da smanjujem lekove, i za kratko vreme počela da osećam efekte. Po povratku sa puta iz Oksforda, umarširala sam u Kaplanovu kancelariju, pravo ka ćošku i srušila se, pokrila lice i počela da se tresem. Svuda okolo sam osećala zla bića sa bodežima. Isekli bi me na trake ili terali da gutam vreo ugalj. Kaplan je kasnije opisao da sam se tresla u agoniji. Čak i u ovom stanju, koje je on tačno opisao kao akutnu uznapredovalu šizofreniju, odbila sam da uzmem još lekova. Misija još nije završena.
Immediately after the appointment with Kaplan, I went to see Dr. Marder, a schizophrenia expert who was following me for medication side effects. He was under the impression that I had a mild psychotic illness. Once in his office, I sat on his couch, folded over, and began muttering. 'Head explosions and people trying to kill. Is it okay if I totally trash your office?' 'You need to leave if you think you're going to do that,' said Marder. 'Okay. Small. Fire on ice. Tell them not to kill me. Tell them not to kill me. What have I done wrong? Hundreds of thousands with thoughts, interdiction.' 'Elyn, do you feel like you're dangerous to yourself or others? I think you need to be in the hospital. I could get you admitted right away, and the whole thing could be very discrete.' 'Ha, ha, ha. You're offering to put me in hospitals? Hospitals are bad, they're mad, they're sad. One must stay away. I'm God, or I used to be.'" At that point in the text, where I said "I'm God, or I used to be," my husband made a marginal note. He said, "Did you quit or were you fired?" (Laughter) "'I give life and I take it away. Forgive me, for I know not what I do.'
Odmah posle susreta sa Kaplanom, otišla sam da vidim dr Mardena, stručnjaka za šizofreniju koji je pratio neželjene efekte mojih lekova. Imao je utisak da patim od blaže psihotične bolesti. Jednom sam u njegovoj kancelariji sela na kauč, savila se i počela da mumlam. "Eksplozije u glavi i ljudi koji pokušavaju da ubiju. Da li je u redu ako Vam potpuno uništim kancelariju?" "Ako misliš da ćeš to da uradiš, moraš da odeš", rekao je Marder. "Okej. Mala. Vatra na ledu. Recite im da me ne ubiju. Recite im da me ne ubiju. Šta sam zgrešila? Stotine hiljada, sa mislima, zabranama." "Elin, da li osećaš da si opasna po sebe ili druge? Mislim da moraš da budeš u bolnici. Mogu odmah da te smestim i sve može biti veoma diskretno." "Ha, ha, ha. Nudite da me stavite u bolnice? One su loše, lude, tužne. Mora se držati podalje. Ja sam bog, bila sam bog. "" U tom delu teksta, kada kažem "Ja sam bog, bila sam bog", moj muž je napravio belešku na margini. "Jesi dala otkaz ili su te otpustili?" (Smeh) "'Dajem život i oduzimam ga. Oprosti mi, jer ne znam šta činim.'
Eventually, I broke down in front of friends, and everybody convinced me to take more medication. I could no longer deny the truth, and I could not change it. The wall that kept me, Elyn, Professor Saks, separate from that insane woman hospitalized years past, lay smashed and in ruins."
Na kraju sam se slomila pred prijateljima i svi su me ubedili da uzmem još lekova. Više nisam mogla da poričem istinu i nisam mogla da je promenim. Zid koji je čuvao mene, profesorku Elin Saks, odvojenu od te lude žene godinama hospitalizovane, ležao je u krhotinama."
Everything about this illness says I shouldn't be here, but I am. And I am, I think, for three reasons: First, I've had excellent treatment. Four- to five-day-a-week psychoanalytic psychotherapy for decades and continuing, and excellent psychopharmacology. Second, I have many close family members and friends who know me and know my illness. These relationships have given my life a meaning and a depth, and they also helped me navigate my life in the face of symptoms. Third, I work at an enormously supportive workplace at USC Law School. This is a place that not only accommodates my needs but actually embraces them. It's also a very intellectually stimulating place, and occupying my mind with complex problems has been my best and most powerful and most reliable defense against my mental illness.
Sve u vezi sa ovom bolešću govori da ne bi trebalo da budem ovde, ali jesam. I to, misim, iz tri razloga: Prvi, imam odličnu terapiju. Četiri do pet puta nedeljno psihoanalitičku psihoterapiju i odlične lekove, koji traju decenijama. Drugi, imam mnogo bliskih članova porodice i prijatelja koji poznaju mene i moju bolest. Te veze su životu dale smisao i dubinu i pomogle mi da upravljam životom suočena sa simptomima. Treće, moje radno mesto, Pravni fakultet Univerziteta Južne Kalifornije pruža izuzetnu podršku. Tu ne samo da su moje potrebe ispunjene nego su i prihvaćene. To je i veoma intelektualno stimulativno mesto, koje okupira moj um složenim problemima i koje je moja najbolja, najmoćnija i najpouzdanija odbrana od moje mentalne bolesti.
Even with all that — excellent treatment, wonderful family and friends, supportive work environment — I did not make my illness public until relatively late in life, and that's because the stigma against mental illness is so powerful that I didn't feel safe with people knowing. If you hear nothing else today, please hear this: There are not "schizophrenics." There are people with schizophrenia, and these people may be your spouse, they may be your child, they may be your neighbor, they may be your friend, they may be your coworker.
Čak i pored svega toga - odlične terapije, divne porodice i prijatelja, podrške na radnom mestu - nisam javno govorila o bolesti do relativno kasno u životu, zbog toga što je stigma prema mentalnim bolestima toliko jaka, da se nisam osećala bezbedno da kažem ljudima. Ako danas ništa drugo ne upamtite, upamtite bar ovo: ne postoje "šizofreničari". To su ljudi sa šizofrenijom, to je možda vaš suprug, dete, možda vaš komšija, prijatelj, saradnik sa posla.
So let me share some final thoughts. We need to invest more resources into research and treatment of mental illness. The better we understand these illnesses, the better the treatments we can provide, and the better the treatments we can provide, the more we can offer people care, and not have to use force. Also, we must stop criminalizing mental illness. It's a national tragedy and scandal that the L.A. County Jail is the biggest psychiatric facility in the United States. American prisons and jails are filled with people who suffer from severe mental illness, and many of them are there because they never received adequate treatment. I could have easily ended up there or on the streets myself. A message to the entertainment industry and to the press: On the whole, you've done a wonderful job fighting stigma and prejudice of many kinds. Please, continue to let us see characters in your movies, your plays, your columns, who suffer with severe mental illness. Portray them sympathetically, and portray them in all the richness and depth of their experience as people and not as diagnoses.
Podeliću još nekoliko misli. Moramo da uložimo još sredstava u istraživanje i lečenje mentalnih bolesti. Što ih bolje razumemo, obezbedićemo bolje terapije, a ako obezbedimo bolje terapije, možemo ponuditi ljudima više nege i da ne koristimo silu. Takođe moramo da prestanemo da kriminalizujemo mentalne bolesti. Nacionalna je tragedija i skandal da je Okružni zatvor u Los Anđelesu najveća psihijatrijska ustanova u Sjedinjenim Državama. Američki zatvori prepuni su ljudi koji pate od teških mentalnih bolesti i mnogi od njih su tamo jer nikada nisu imali adekvatnu terapiju. I ja sam mogla da završim tamo ili na ulici. Poruka industriji zabave i novinarima: ukupno gledano, odlično se borite protiv stigme i mnogih predrasuda. Molim vas, nastavite da prikazujete likove u filmovima, dramama, kolumnama, koji pate od teških mentalih bolesti. Prikažite ih sa saosećanjem, u svoj dubini i bogatstvu njihovog iskustva kao ljudi, ne kao dijagnoza.
Recently, a friend posed a question: If there were a pill I could take that would instantly cure me, would I take it? The poet Rainer Maria Rilke was offered psychoanalysis. He declined, saying, "Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too." My psychosis, on the other hand, is a waking nightmare in which my devils are so terrifying that all my angels have already fled. So would I take the pill? In an instant. That said, I don't wish to be seen as regretting the life I could have had if I'd not been mentally ill, nor am I asking anyone for their pity. What I rather wish to say is that the humanity we all share is more important than the mental illness we may not. What those of us who suffer with mental illness want is what everybody wants: in the words of Sigmund Freud, "to work and to love."
Nedavno me je jedan prijatelj upitao da li bih uzela tabletu koja bi me odmah izlečila, da ona postoji. Pesniku Rajneru Mariji Rilke ponuđena je psihoanaliza. Odbio je, rečima: "Ne oduzimajte mi demone, jer će možda i moji anđeli pobeći sa njima." S druge strane, moja psihoza je hodajuća noćna mora u kojoj su moji demoni toliko užasni da su svi moji anđeli već pobegli. Onda, da li bih uzela tabletu? Istog trenutka. Rekavši to, ne želim da ostavim utisak da žalim za životom koji sam mogla imati da nisam mentalno bolesna, niti tražim bilo čije sažaljenje. Radije želim da kažem da je čovečanstvo koje delimo važnije od mentalne bolesti koju možda ne delimo. Mi koji patimo od mentalne bolesti želimo ono što i svi: rečima Sigmunda Frojda, "da radimo i volimo".
Thank you. (Applause)
Hvala vam. (Aplauz)
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(Aplauz)
Thank you. Thank you. You're very kind. (Applause)
Hvala vam. Hvala. Vrlo ste ljubazni. (Aplauz)
Thank you. (Applause)
Hvala. (Aplauz)