So I'm a woman with chronic schizophrenia. I've spent hundreds of days in psychiatric hospitals. I might have ended up spending most of my life on the back ward of a hospital, but that isn't how my life turned out. In fact, I've managed to stay clear of hospitals for almost three decades, perhaps my proudest accomplishment. That's not to say that I've remained clear of all psychiatric struggles. After I graduated from the Yale Law School and got my first law job, my New Haven analyst, Dr. White, announced to me that he was going to close his practice in three months, several years before I had planned to leave New Haven. White had been enormously helpful to me, and the thought of his leaving shattered me.
Dakle, ja sam žena s kroničnom shizofrenijom. Provela sam na stotine dana u psihijatrijskim ustanovama. Mogla sam provesti većinu svog života na bolničkom odjelu, ali to se nije dogodilo. Zapravo, uspješno izbjegavam boravak u bolnici, već gotovo tri desetljeća, što mi je možda najveći životni uspjeh. No, to ne znači da sam uspjela izbjeći sve psihijatrijske probleme. Nakon što sam diplomirala pravo na Yaleu i zaposlila se po prvi put u struci, moj psihijatar iz New Havena, dr. White, obavijestio me je da zatvara praksu za tri mjeseca, nekoliko godina prije nego sam planirala napustiti New Haven. White mi je bio od velike pomoći i pomisao na njegov odlazak, dotukla me je.
My best friend Steve, sensing that something was terribly wrong, flew out to New Haven to be with me. Now I'm going to quote from some of my writings: "I opened the door to my studio apartment. Steve would later tell me that, for all the times he had seen me psychotic, nothing could have prepared him for what he saw that day. For a week or more, I had barely eaten. I was gaunt. I walked as though my legs were wooden. My face looked and felt like a mask. I had closed all the curtains in the apartment, so in the middle of the day the apartment was in near total darkness. The air was fetid, the room a shambles. Steve, both a lawyer and a psychologist, has treated many patients with severe mental illness, and to this day he'll say I was as bad as any he had ever seen. 'Hi,' I said, and then I returned to the couch, where I sat in silence for several moments. 'Thank you for coming, Steve. Crumbling world, word, voice. Tell the clocks to stop. Time is. Time has come.' 'White is leaving,' Steve said somberly. 'I'm being pushed into a grave. The situation is grave,' I moan. 'Gravity is pulling me down. I'm scared. Tell them to get away.'"
Moj najbolji prijatelj Steve osjetio je da nešto nikako nije u redu te je doletio u New Haven da bude samnom. Sada ću citirati neke od svojih zapisa: "Otvorila sam vrata svojeg stana. Steve mi je kasnije rekao da, iako me često vidio u psihotičnom stanju, ništa ga nije moglo pripremiti za ono što je taj dan vidio. Tjedan dana, ili više, gotovo uopće nisam jela. Djelovala sam ispijeno. Hodala sam kao da su mi noge od olova. Moje lice izgledalo je i djelovalo kao maska. Navukla sam sve zastore u stanu pa je, u pola bijela dana, stan bio gotovo u potpunosti zamračen. Zrak je bio ustajao, soba u kaosu. Steve, po struci odvjetnik i psiholog, liječio je mnoge pacijente s ozbiljnim mentalnim bolestima i do današnjeg dana tvrdi da nije vidio nikoga u lošijem stanju. "Bok", rekla sam, i onda sam se vratila na kauč, gdje sam sjedila neko vrijeme u tišini. 'Hvala što si došao, Steve. Svijet se ruši. Riječ. Glas. Reci satovima da stanu. Vrijeme je. Došlo je vrijeme.' 'White odlazi', rekao je Steve ozbiljno. 'Gurnuta sam u grob, situacija je ozbiljna', zavapila sam. 'Gravitacija me vuče dolje. "Bojim se, reci im da nestanu.'"
As a young woman, I was in a psychiatric hospital on three different occasions for lengthy periods. My doctors diagnosed me with chronic schizophrenia, and gave me a prognosis of "grave." That is, at best, I was expected to live in a board and care, and work at menial jobs. Fortunately, I did not actually enact that grave prognosis. Instead, I'm a chaired Professor of Law, Psychology and Psychiatry at the USC Gould School of Law, I have many close friends and I have a beloved husband, Will, who's here with us today.
U mladosti sam boravila u psihijatrijskoj bolnici u tri navrata, tijekom dužeg perioda. Liječnik mi je dijagnosticirao kroničnu shizofreniju i dao mi, citiram: "ozbiljnu i lošu prognozu". To znači da se, u najboljem slučaju, očekivalo se da ću živjeti u instituciji i raditi jednostavne poslove. Na sreću, ipak nisam ispunila tu užasnu prognozu. Umjesto toga, redovni sam profesor prava, psihologije i psihijatrije na USC Gould pravnom fakultetu. Imam mnogo bliskih prijatelja i voljenog supruga, Willa, koji je danas s nama.
(Applause) Thank you. He's definitely the star of my show.
(Pljesak) Hvala. On je definitivno zvijeda moje predstave.
I'd like to share with you how that happened, and also describe my experience of being psychotic. I hasten to add that it's my experience, because everyone becomes psychotic in his or her own way.
Voljela bih s vama podijeliti kako je do toga došlo i opisati vam svoje psihotično iskustvo. Naglašavam da je to moje osobno iskustvo jer svatko postaje psihotičan na svoj način.
Let's start with the definition of schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is a brain disease. Its defining feature is psychosis, or being out of touch with reality. Delusions and hallucinations are hallmarks of the illness. Delusions are fixed and false beliefs that aren't responsive to evidence, and hallucinations are false sensory experiences. For example, when I'm psychotic I often have the delusion that I've killed hundreds of thousands of people with my thoughts. I sometimes have the idea that nuclear explosions are about to be set off in my brain. Occasionally, I have hallucinations, like one time I turned around and saw a man with a raised knife. Imagine having a nightmare while you're awake.
Za početak, definirajmo shizofreniju. Shizofrenija je bolest mozga. Njezina je glavna karakteristika psihoza, odnosno gubljenje doticaja sa stvarnošću. Deluzije i halucinacije ključni su simptomi bolesti. Deluzije su ukorijenjena lažna uvjerenja koja ne reagiraju na dokaze, a halucinacije su lažna osjetilna iskustva. Primjerice, kad sam psihotična, često imam deluzije da sam ubila stotine tisuća ljudi svojim mislima. Ponekad umišljam da će upravo sada doći do nuklearne eksplozije u mojoj glavi. Ponekad imam halucinacije, primjerice: jednom sam se okrenula i ugledala muškarca s uzdignutim nožem. Zamislite da imate noćnu moru, dok ste budni.
Often, speech and thinking become disorganized to the point of incoherence. Loose associations involves putting together words that may sound a lot alike but don't make sense, and if the words get jumbled up enough, it's called "word salad." Contrary to what many people think, schizophrenia is not the same as multiple personality disorder or split personality. The schizophrenic mind is not split, but shattered.
Govor i razmišljanje često postaju neorganizirani do točke nepovezanosti. Nepovezane asocijacije uključuju povezivanje riječi koje možda zvuče slično, ali nemaju smisla. Kad se riječi dovoljno ispremiještaju, onda se to zove "salata od riječi". Suprotno mišljenju mnogih, shizofrenija nije isto što i višestruki poremećaj ličnosti, odnosno podjeljena ličnost. Shizofreni um nije podjeljen, nego rastrojen.
Everyone has seen a street person, unkempt, probably ill-fed, standing outside of an office building muttering to himself or shouting. This person is likely to have some form of schizophrenia. But schizophrenia presents itself across a wide array of socioeconomic status, and there are people with the illness who are full-time professionals with major responsibilities. Several years ago, I decided to write down my experiences and my personal journey, and I want to share some more of that story with you today to convey the inside view.
Svi su vidjeli beskućnika, zapuštenog, vjerojatno i pothranjenog, kako stoji pred nekom zgradom i mumlja sebi u bradu ili viče. Ta osoba vjerojatno ima neki oblik shizofrenije. No, shizofrenija se ljavlja kod ljudi različitog društveno ekonomskog statusa te ima ljudi s dijagnozom koji su zaposleni stručnjaci na odgovornim položajima. Prije nekoliko godina odlučila sam zapisati svoja iskustva i svoje osobno putovanje i želim danas s vama podijeliti dio te priče, kako biste to mogli razumjeti iz moje perspektive
So the following episode happened the seventh week of my first semester of my first year at Yale Law School. Quoting from my writings: "My two classmates, Rebel and Val, and I had made the date to meet in the law school library on Friday night to work on our memo assignment together. But we didn't get far before I was talking in ways that made no sense.
Sljedeći događaj zbio se u sedmom tjednu prvog semestra na prvoj godini prava na Yaleu. Citirat ću svoje zapise: "Moje dvije kolegice Rebel i Val i ja smo dogovorile da ćemo se naći u knjižnici na fakultetu u petak navečer kako bismo zajedno radili na zadatku. Ali, nismo daleko dogurali kad sam ja počela nesuvislo govoriti.
'Memos are visitations,' I informed them. 'They make certain points. The point is on your head. Pat used to say that. Have you killed you anyone?' Rebel and Val looked at me as if they or I had been splashed in the face with cold water. 'What are you talking about, Elyn?' 'Oh, you know, the usual. Who's what, what's who, heaven and hell. Let's go out on the roof. It's a flat surface. It's safe.' Rebel and Val followed and they asked what had gotten into me. 'This is the real me,' I announced, waving my arms above my head. And then, late on a Friday night, on the roof of the Yale Law School, I began to sing, and not quietly either. 'Come to the Florida sunshine bush. Do you want to dance?' 'Are you on drugs?' one asked. 'Are you high?' 'High? Me? No way, no drugs. Come to the Florida sunshine bush, where there are lemons, where they make demons.' 'You're frightening me,' one of them said, and Rebel and Val headed back into the library. I shrugged and followed them.
'Zadaci su posjete', objasnila sam im. 'Oni imaju određeni smisao. Smisao je u tvojoj glavi. To je Pat govorila. Jeste li vi koga ubile?' Rebel i Val pogledale su me kao da je jednu od nas netko zalio hladnom vodom. 'O čemu ti to govoriš, Elyn?' 'Ma znate, uobičajeno. Tko je što, što je tko, raj i pakao. Idemo na krov. Krov je ravna površina, tamo je sigurno.' Rebel i Val su me pratile pa me upitale što mi je. 'Ovo sam prava ja.', objavila sam, mašuči rukama iznad glave. A zatim, u petak navečer, na krovu pravnog fakulteta Yale, počela sam pjevati i to ne baš tiho. 'Dođi do sunčanog grma na Floridu. Jesi li za ples?' 'Jesi li ti drogirana?' pitala je jedna. 'Jesi li se ušlagirala?' 'Ušlagirala? Ja? Nema šanse, nema droge. Dođi do sunčanog grma na Floridu, gdje rastu limuni i nastaju demoni.' 'Plašiš me.' rekla je jedna od njih. Rebel i Val su se onda vratile u knjižnicu. Slegnula sam ramenima i slijedila ih.
Back inside, I asked my classmates if they were having the same experience of words jumping around our cases as I was. 'I think someone's infiltrated my copies of the cases,' I said. 'We've got to case the joint. I don't believe in joints, but they do hold your body together.'" -- It's an example of loose associations. -- "Eventually I made my way back to my dorm room, and once there, I couldn't settle down. My head was too full of noise, too full of orange trees and law memos I could not write and mass murders I knew I would be responsible for. Sitting on my bed, I rocked back and forth, moaning in fear and isolation." This episode led to my first hospitalization in America. I had two earlier in England.
Kad smo se vratile unutra, upitala sam kolegice imaju li i one iskustvo da riječi skaču uokolo po našim slučajevima, kao što sam ja imala. 'Mislim da je netko ušao u moje kopije slučaja.' rekla sam. 'Moramo spojiti slučajeve u zglob.' Ne vjerujem u zglobove, ali oni, ipak, drže tijelo skupa.'" -- To je primjer nepovezanih asocijacija. -- "Na kraju sam se nekako vratila do svoje sobe, ali se tamo nisam mogla nikako smiriti. U mojoj glavi bilo je previše buke, previše narančinog drveća, pravnih dopisa koje neću napisati i masovnih ubojstava za koje sam znala da ću biti odgovorna. Sjedeći na krevetu ljuljala sam se naprijed-nazad mumljajuću u strahu i izolaciji." Ova epizoda dovela je do moje prve hospitalizacije u Americi. Dvije prethodne bile su u Engleskoj.
Continuing with the writings: "The next morning I went to my professor's office to ask for an extension on the memo assignment, and I began gibbering unintelligably as I had the night before, and he eventually brought me to the emergency room. Once there, someone I'll just call 'The Doctor' and his whole team of goons swooped down, lifted me high into the air, and slammed me down on a metal bed with such force that I saw stars. Then they strapped my legs and arms to the metal bed with thick leather straps. A sound came out of my mouth that I'd never heard before: half groan, half scream, barely human and pure terror. Then the sound came again, forced from somewhere deep inside my belly and scraping my throat raw." This incident resulted in my involuntary hospitalization. One of the reasons the doctors gave for hospitalizing me against my will was that I was "gravely disabled." To support this view, they wrote in my chart that I was unable to do my Yale Law School homework. I wondered what that meant about much of the rest of New Haven. (Laughter)
Nastavit ću sa zapisima: "Sljedećeg jutra otišla sam do svog profesora da ga zamolim produljenje roka za zadatak te sam počelela nesuvislo brbljati kao i prethodnu noć. Na kraju me on odveo na hitnu. Tamo su me, netko koga ću oslovljavati samo kao "Doktor" i njegov cijeli tim gorila zgrabili, podigli visoko u zrak i bacili na metalni bolnički krevet takvom silinom da sam vidjela sve zvijezde. Zatim su mi privezali noge i ruke za krevet, debelim kožnim remenjem. Ispustila sam zvuk koji nikad prije nisam čula: napola jauk, napola krik, gotovo neljudski, izraz čistog užasa. Zatim je zvuk ponovno izašao, negdje iz dubine moje utrobe, grebući moje grlo." Ovaj incident rezultirao je mojom prisilnom hospitalizacijom. Jedan od razloga koji su liječnici naveli u prilog hospitalizacije protiv moje volje bio je taj da sam citiram: "ozbiljno onesposobljena". Kako bi to dokazali, u moj su karton naveli da nisam sposobna izvršavati svoje zadatke na Yaleu. Pitala sam se što to znači za ostatak New Havena. (Smijeh)
During the next year, I would spend five months in a psychiatric hospital. At times, I spent up to 20 hours in mechanical restraints, arms tied, arms and legs tied down, arms and legs tied down with a net tied tightly across my chest. I never struck anyone. I never harmed anyone. I never made any direct threats. If you've never been restrained yourself, you may have a benign image of the experience. There's nothing benign about it.
Tijekom sljedeće godine provela sam ukupno pet mjeseci u psihijatrijskoj bolnici. Ponekad bih i po 20 sati dnevno bila sputana, svezanih ruku, udova privezanih zajedno, sputanih ruku i nogu s mrežom čvrsto privezanom preko mojih grudi. Nikad nisam nikoga udarila. Nikad nisam nikome naudila, nikome izravno prijetila. Ukoliko niste i sami bili vezani, vjerojatno imate benignu sliku tog iskustva. U tome nema ništa benigno.
Every week in the United States, it's been estimated that one to three people die in restraints. They strangle, they aspirate their vomit, they suffocate, they have a heart attack. It's unclear whether using mechanical restraints is actually saving lives or costing lives. While I was preparing to write my student note for the Yale Law Journal on mechanical restraints, I consulted an eminent law professor who was also a psychiatrist, and said surely he would agree that restraints must be degrading, painful and frightening. He looked at me in a knowing way, and said, "Elyn, you don't really understand: These people are psychotic. They're different from me and you. They wouldn't experience restraints as we would." I didn't have the courage to tell him in that moment that, no, we're not that different from him. We don't like to be strapped down to a bed and left to suffer for hours any more than he would. In fact, until very recently, and I'm sure some people still hold it as a view, that restraints help psychiatric patients feel safe. I've never met a psychiatric patient who agreed with that view. Today, I'd like to say I'm very pro-psychiatry but very anti-force. I don't think force is effective as treatment, and I think using force is a terrible thing to do to another person with a terrible illness.
Procjenjuje se da u Sjedinjenim Državama svakog tjedna jedna do tri osobe umre sputana. Zadave se, uguše u vlastitoj bljuvotini, uguše se ili dožive srčani udar. Nije jasno da li sputavanje zapravo spašava ili uzima živote. Dok sam pripremala studentski rad o sputavanju u medicinske svrhe za Yale Law Journal, konzultirala sam se s poznatim profesorom prava koji je također bio i psihijatar, misleći da će se on sigurno složiti da je vezanje ljudi ponižavajuće, bolno i zastrašujuće. Pogledao me znalački i rekao "Elyn, ti to ne razumiješ. Ti su ljudi psihotični. Drugačiji su od tebe i mene. Oni ne doživljavaju sputavanje kako bismo ga doživili ti i ja." U tom trenutku nisam smogla hrabrosti da mu kažem kako se baš i ne razlikujemo toliko od njega. Ne volimo biti privezani za krevet i ostavljeni da patimo satima ništa više od njega. Zapravo, do nedavno, a vjerujem da neki zastupaju to mišljenje i danas, se vjerovalo da se psihijatrijski pacijenti osjećaju sigurnije ako su vezani. Nisam nikad upoznala psihijatrijskog pacijenta koji se slaže s time. Danas želim reći da sam veliki pobornik psihijatrije, ali i veliki protivnik uporabe sile. Smatram da uporaba sile nije učinkovit tretman i mislim da je upotreba sile nešto užasno što možete učiniti drugoj osobi, koja boluje od užasne bolesti.
Eventually, I came to Los Angeles to teach at the University of Southern California Law School. For years, I had resisted medication, making many, many efforts to get off. I felt that if I could manage without medication, I could prove that, after all, I wasn't really mentally ill, it was some terrible mistake. My motto was the less medicine, the less defective. My L.A. analyst, Dr. Kaplan, was urging me just to stay on medication and get on with my life, but I decided I wanted to make one last college try to get off. Quoting from the text: "I started the reduction of my meds, and within a short time I began feeling the effects. After returning from a trip to Oxford, I marched into Kaplan's office, headed straight for the corner, crouched down, covered my face, and began shaking. All around me I sensed evil beings poised with daggers. They'd slice me up in thin slices or make me swallow hot coals. Kaplan would later describe me as 'writhing in agony.' Even in this state, what he accurately described as acutely and forwardly psychotic, I refused to take more medication. The mission is not yet complete.
S vremenom sam došla u Los Angeles, predavati na pravnom fakultetu sveučilišta Južne Kalifornije. Godinama sam odbijala lijekove, trudeći se iz sve snage da se skinem s njih. Vjerovala sam da ću, ako uspijem živjeti bez lijekova, moći dokazati kako, ipak, nisam psihički bolesna, kako je to bila samo užasna pogreška. Moj moto je bio: manje lijekova - manje bolestan. Moj psihijatar ia L.A-a, dr. Kaplan, nagovarao me da samo nastavim piti lijekove i nastavim sa svojim životom, no ja sam odlučila posljednji put probati prestati. Citiram svoj tekst: "Počela sam smanjivati dozu i ubrzo osjetila posljedice. Po povrtka s puta u Oxford, uletila sam Kaplanovu ordinaciju, otišla ravno u kut, čučnula, prekrila lice rukama i počela drhtati. Osjećala sam kako me okružuju zla bića, naoružana bodežima. Narezali bi me na male komadiće ili me natjerati da gutam vrući ugljen. Kaplan je kasnije opisao kako sam se "grčila u agoniji". Čak sam i u ovom stanju, koje je on opisao kao akutnu uznapredovalu psihozu, odbila sam uzimati više lijekova. Misija još nije završena.
Immediately after the appointment with Kaplan, I went to see Dr. Marder, a schizophrenia expert who was following me for medication side effects. He was under the impression that I had a mild psychotic illness. Once in his office, I sat on his couch, folded over, and began muttering. 'Head explosions and people trying to kill. Is it okay if I totally trash your office?' 'You need to leave if you think you're going to do that,' said Marder. 'Okay. Small. Fire on ice. Tell them not to kill me. Tell them not to kill me. What have I done wrong? Hundreds of thousands with thoughts, interdiction.' 'Elyn, do you feel like you're dangerous to yourself or others? I think you need to be in the hospital. I could get you admitted right away, and the whole thing could be very discrete.' 'Ha, ha, ha. You're offering to put me in hospitals? Hospitals are bad, they're mad, they're sad. One must stay away. I'm God, or I used to be.'" At that point in the text, where I said "I'm God, or I used to be," my husband made a marginal note. He said, "Did you quit or were you fired?" (Laughter) "'I give life and I take it away. Forgive me, for I know not what I do.'
Odmah poslije sastanka s Kaplanom, sastala sam se s dr. Marderom, stručnjakom za shizofreniju, koji me je pratio zbog nuspojava lijekova. Stekao je dojam kako ja imam blagu psihotičnu bolesti. Kad sam došla u njegovu ordinaciju, sjela sam na kauč, sklupčala se i počela mrmljati. "Eksplozije u glavi i ljudi koji pokušavaju ubiti. "Je li u redu ako vam totalno uništim ured?" "Ako misliš da ćeš to učiniti, moraš otići." rekao je Marder. "Dobro. Malo. Vatra na led. Recite im da me ne ubiju. Recite im da me ne ubiju. Što sam skrivila? Stotine tisuća, s mislima, zabranama." "Elyn, imaš li osjećaj da si opasna za sebe ili druge?" "Mislim da bi trebala biti u bolnici." "Mogao bih srediti da te odmah prime i sve bi moglo biti vrlo diskretno." "Ha, ha, ha." "Nudite da me strpati u bolnicu?" "Bolnice su loše, lude su, tužne su." "Treba ih se kloniti. Ja sam Bog ili sam nekad bila." Na tom mjestu u tekstu, gdje sam napisala da sam Bog ili sam to nekad bila, moj muž je na marginu napisao: "Jesi li sama dala otkaz ili su te otpustili?" (Smijeh) "Ja dajem život i ja ga oduzimam. Oprosti mi jer ne znam što činim."
Eventually, I broke down in front of friends, and everybody convinced me to take more medication. I could no longer deny the truth, and I could not change it. The wall that kept me, Elyn, Professor Saks, separate from that insane woman hospitalized years past, lay smashed and in ruins."
Na kraju sam se slomila pred prijateljima i svi su me uvjerili da ponovno počnem uzimati lijekove. VIše nisam mogla poricati istinu i nisam to mogla promijeniti. Zid koji je mene, Elyn, profesoricu Saks, odvajao od te lude žene, hospitalizirane u prošlosti, bio je u potpunosti srušen.
Everything about this illness says I shouldn't be here, but I am. And I am, I think, for three reasons: First, I've had excellent treatment. Four- to five-day-a-week psychoanalytic psychotherapy for decades and continuing, and excellent psychopharmacology. Second, I have many close family members and friends who know me and know my illness. These relationships have given my life a meaning and a depth, and they also helped me navigate my life in the face of symptoms. Third, I work at an enormously supportive workplace at USC Law School. This is a place that not only accommodates my needs but actually embraces them. It's also a very intellectually stimulating place, and occupying my mind with complex problems has been my best and most powerful and most reliable defense against my mental illness.
Sve vezano za ovu bolest govori da ja ne bih trebala biti ovdje, ali ja jesam. I to zbog tri razloga: Prvo, imam izvrsnu terapiju. Psihoanalitičku psihoterapiju četiri ili pet puta tjedno, na koju idem već desetljećima te izvrsne lijekove. Drugo, imam mnogo bliskih prijatelja i članova obitelji koji poznaju mene i poznaju moju bolest. Ti odnosi daju mom životu smisao i dubinu te su mi pomogli upravljati životom suočena sa simptomima. Treće, radim na izuzetno podržavajućem radnom mjestu na USC Pravnom fakultetu. To mjesto ne samo da odgovara mojim potrebama, nego ih i prihvaća. Također je vrlo intelektualno poticajnom okruženje, a okupirati moj um kompleksniim problemima, moja je najbolja, najsnažnija i najpouzdanija obrana protiv moje mentalne bolesti.
Even with all that — excellent treatment, wonderful family and friends, supportive work environment — I did not make my illness public until relatively late in life, and that's because the stigma against mental illness is so powerful that I didn't feel safe with people knowing. If you hear nothing else today, please hear this: There are not "schizophrenics." There are people with schizophrenia, and these people may be your spouse, they may be your child, they may be your neighbor, they may be your friend, they may be your coworker.
I uz sve to - izvrsno liječenje, divnu obitelj i prijatelje, podršku na radnom mjestu - nisam otvoreno obznanila svoju bolest do relativno kasno u životu, a to je zato što je stigma mentalne bolesto toliko snažna, da se nisam osjećala sigurno podijeliti to s ljudima. Ako danas ne naučite ništa drugo, zapamtite barem ovo: Ne postoje "shizofreničari". Postoje ljudi sa shizofrenijom. A ti ljudi mogu biti vaš bračni partner, vaše dijete, susjed ili prijatelj, ili kolega s posla.
So let me share some final thoughts. We need to invest more resources into research and treatment of mental illness. The better we understand these illnesses, the better the treatments we can provide, and the better the treatments we can provide, the more we can offer people care, and not have to use force. Also, we must stop criminalizing mental illness. It's a national tragedy and scandal that the L.A. County Jail is the biggest psychiatric facility in the United States. American prisons and jails are filled with people who suffer from severe mental illness, and many of them are there because they never received adequate treatment. I could have easily ended up there or on the streets myself. A message to the entertainment industry and to the press: On the whole, you've done a wonderful job fighting stigma and prejudice of many kinds. Please, continue to let us see characters in your movies, your plays, your columns, who suffer with severe mental illness. Portray them sympathetically, and portray them in all the richness and depth of their experience as people and not as diagnoses.
Podjelit ću s vama svoje zaključne misli. Moramo početi ulagati više sredstava u istraživanje i liječenje mentalnih bolesti. Što bolje razumijemo ove bolesti, omogućit ćemo to bolje liječenje. A što bolje liječenje omogućimo moći ćemo ponuditi više podrške ljudima i to bez upotrebe sile. Isto tako, moramo prestati s kriminalizacijom mentalnih bolesti. Nacionalna je tragedija i skandal da je Okružni zatvor L.A. istovremeno i najveća psihijatrijska institucija u Sjedinjenim Državama. Američki zatvori prepuni su ljudi koji pate od teških mentalnih bolesti, a mnogi su od njih tamo jer nikad nisu adekvatno liječeni. I sama sam lako mogla završiti tamo ili na ulici. Medijima i industriji zabave bih željela poručiti sljedeće: Sve u svemu, napravili ste dobar posao boreći se protiv stigme i predrasuda svih vrsta. Molim vas, nastavite prikazivati likove u svojim filmovima, predstavama, člancima koji boluju od teških mentalnih bolesti. Prikažite ih sa suosjećanjem, neka imaju bogatstvo i dubinu iskustva kao ljudi, a ne kao dijagnoze.
Recently, a friend posed a question: If there were a pill I could take that would instantly cure me, would I take it? The poet Rainer Maria Rilke was offered psychoanalysis. He declined, saying, "Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too." My psychosis, on the other hand, is a waking nightmare in which my devils are so terrifying that all my angels have already fled. So would I take the pill? In an instant. That said, I don't wish to be seen as regretting the life I could have had if I'd not been mentally ill, nor am I asking anyone for their pity. What I rather wish to say is that the humanity we all share is more important than the mental illness we may not. What those of us who suffer with mental illness want is what everybody wants: in the words of Sigmund Freud, "to work and to love."
Nedavno me jedan prijatelj pitao kad bi postojala tableta koju bih mogla uzeti i biti odmah izliječena, bih li je uzela? Kad su pjesniku Rainer Maria Rilkeu ponudili psihoanalizu, odbio je, rekavši "Ne uzimajte mi moje demone jer bi s njima mogli pobjeći i anđeli." S druge strane, moja je psihoza živa noćna mora, u kojoj su demoni toliko strašni da su svi moji anđeli već pobjegli. Dakle, bih li uzela tabletu? Bez razmišljanja. Ipak, ne želim da mislite da žalim za životom kakav sam mogla imati da nisam bila mentalno bolesna niti tražim ičije sažaljenje. Ono što želim poručiti jest da je ljudskost, koja nam se svima zajednička, puno važnije od mentalne bolesti koja možda to nije. Mi koji bolujemo od mentalnih bolesti želimo isto što i svi ljudi: Riječima Sigmunda Freuda, "raditi i voljeti".
Thank you. (Applause)
Hvala.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
Thank you. Thank you. You're very kind. (Applause)
Hvala vam. Hvala. Jako ste ljubazni.
Thank you. (Applause)
Hvala. (Pljesak)