So, a few years ago I was at JFK Airport about to get on a flight, when I was approached by two women who I do not think would be insulted to hear themselves described as tiny old tough-talking Italian-American broads.
Olin mõne aasta eest JFK lennujaamas, just lennukile astumas, kui mulle lähenesid kaks naist, kelle puhul julgen arvata, et nad ei pahandaks, kui kirjeldaksin neid nii: pisikesed sõnakad Itaalia päritolu Ameerika mutid.
The taller one, who is like up here, she comes marching up to me, and she goes, "Honey, I gotta ask you something. You got something to do with that whole 'Eat, Pray, Love' thing that's been going on lately?"
Neist pikem, kes oli mulle umbes siiani, marssis minu juurde ja ütles: "Kullake, ma pean sinult midagi küsima. Kas sa oled kuidagi seotud selle söö-palveta-armasta-värgiga, mis viimasel ajal lahti on läinud?"
And I said, "Yes, I did."
Ma vastasin: "Jah, olen küll."
And she smacks her friend and she goes, "See, I told you, I said, that's that girl. That's that girl who wrote that book based on that movie." (Laughter)
Ta müksas oma sõpra ja ütles: "Näed, ma ütlesin ju, et see on tema. Tema ongi see tüdruk, kes selle filmi põhjal raamatu kirjutas." (Naer)
So that's who I am. And believe me, I'm extremely grateful to be that person, because that whole "Eat, Pray, Love" thing was a huge break for me. But it also left me in a really tricky position moving forward as an author trying to figure out how in the world I was ever going to write a book again that would ever please anybody, because I knew well in advance that all of those people who had adored "Eat, Pray, Love" were going to be incredibly disappointed in whatever I wrote next because it wasn't going to be "Eat, Pray, Love," and all of those people who had hated "Eat, Pray, Love" were going to be incredibly disappointed in whatever I wrote next because it would provide evidence that I still lived. So I knew that I had no way to win, and knowing that I had no way to win made me seriously consider for a while just quitting the game and moving to the country to raise corgis. But if I had done that, if I had given up writing, I would have lost my beloved vocation, so I knew that the task was that I had to find some way to gin up the inspiration to write the next book regardless of its inevitable negative outcome. In other words, I had to find a way to make sure that my creativity survived its own success. And I did, in the end, find that inspiration, but I found it in the most unlikely and unexpected place. I found it in lessons that I had learned earlier in life about how creativity can survive its own failure.
Nii et see ma siis olengi. Uskuge mind - olen väga tänulik, et saan olla see inimene, sest "Söö. Palveta. Armasta." oli minu jaoks tohutu läbimurre. Samas pani see mu kirjanikuna üsna keerulisse olukorda, sest pidin nüüd välja nuputama, kuidas kirjutada järgmine raamat, mis vastaks inimeste ootustele. Ma teadsin seda juba ette, et kõik, kes jumaldasid raamatut "Söö. Palveta. Armasta", pettuksid igal juhul meeletult, ükskõik, mida ma järgmiseks kirjutaksin, sest see poleks enam see raamat. Ja kõik need, kes seda raamatut vihkasid, pettuksid samamoodi väga, mida iganes ma kirjutaksin, sest see näitaks, et olen ikka veel elus. Seega teadsin, et olen igal juhul kaotaja. Teadmine, et mul pole võimalustki võita, pani mind tõsiselt mõtlema, et löön kõigele käega ja kolin hoopis maale korgisid kasvatama. Kui oleksin kirjutamisest loobunud, oleksin kaotanud oma armastatud elukutse. Seega teadsin, et pean leidma mingi viisi inspiratsiooni ammutamiseks, et kirjutada järgmine teos, hoolimata vältimatust negatiivsest tulemusest. Kuidagimoodi pidin tegema nii, et mu loovus ei kannataks mu edukuse tõttu. Lõpuks ma leidsingi selle inspiratsiooni, kuid kõige ebatõenäolisemast ja ootamatumast kohast. Leidsin selle õppetundidest, mille elu jooksul saanud olin - selle kohta, kuidas loovus elab üle oma ebaõnnestumised.
So just to back up and explain, the only thing I have ever wanted to be for my whole life was a writer. I wrote all through childhood, all through adolescence, by the time I was a teenager I was sending my very bad stories to The New Yorker, hoping to be discovered. After college, I got a job as a diner waitress, kept working, kept writing, kept trying really hard to get published, and failing at it. I failed at getting published for almost six years. So for almost six years, every single day, I had nothing but rejection letters waiting for me in my mailbox. And it was devastating every single time, and every single time, I had to ask myself if I should just quit while I was behind and give up and spare myself this pain. But then I would find my resolve, and always in the same way, by saying, "I'm not going to quit, I'm going home."
Selgituseks teile - olen terve elu unistanud ainult kirjanikuks saamisest. Kirjutasin terve lapsepõlve ja noorukiea. Teismelisena saatsin ma oma väga halbu jutte New Yorkerile, lootes silma jääda. Pärast ülikooli läksin tööle ettekandjana. Ma muudkui töötasin ja kirjutasin. Nägin palju vaeva, et mu töid avaldataks, kuid see ei õnnestunud. Mu töid ei avaldatud peaaegu kuus aastat. Peaaegu kuus aastat iga päev leidsin oma postkastist ainult äraütlevaid kirju. Olin iga kord väga löödud ja küsisin endalt alatihti, äkki oleks targem lõpetada, anda alla ja säästa end haiget saamisest. Ent siis leidsin taas jõu, iga kord samamoodi. Ütlesin endale: "Ma ei anna alla. Ma lähen koju!"
And you have to understand that for me, going home did not mean returning to my family's farm. For me, going home meant returning to the work of writing because writing was my home, because I loved writing more than I hated failing at writing, which is to say that I loved writing more than I loved my own ego, which is ultimately to say that I loved writing more than I loved myself. And that's how I pushed through it.
Selgituseks, et minu jaoks ei tähendanud see mitte kodufarmi naasmist. Minu jaoks tähendas kojuminek naasmist kirjutamistöö juurde, sest kirjutamine oligi mu kodu. Ma armastasin seda rohkem, kui vihkasin ebaõnnestumisi. See tähendab, et armastasin kirjutamist rohkem kui iseenda ego, millest võib järeldada, et armastasin kirjutamist rohkem kui iseennast. Ja nii ma läbi murdsingi. Imelik on see, et 20 aastat hiljem,
But the weird thing is that 20 years later, during the crazy ride of "Eat, Pray, Love," I found myself identifying all over again with that unpublished young diner waitress who I used to be, thinking about her constantly, and feeling like I was her again, which made no rational sense whatsoever because our lives could not have been more different. She had failed constantly. I had succeeded beyond my wildest expectation. We had nothing in common. Why did I suddenly feel like I was her all over again?
"Söö. Palveta. Armasta" möllus, leidsin end taas samastumas selle kirjanikuhakatisest ettekandjaga, kes ma kunagi olin. Ma mõtlesin talle aina ja tundsin, et olen jälle tema, mis polnud üldse mõistuspärane, sest meie elud olid täiesti erinevad. Tema kukkus pidevalt läbi. Mina olin uskumatult edukas. Meil polnud midagi ühist. Miks ma siis järsku tundsin, et olen jälle tema? Alles seda mõistatust lahti harutades
And it was only when I was trying to unthread that that I finally began to comprehend the strange and unlikely psychological connection in our lives between the way we experience great failure and the way we experience great success. So think of it like this: For most of your life, you live out your existence here in the middle of the chain of human experience where everything is normal and reassuring and regular, but failure catapults you abruptly way out over here into the blinding darkness of disappointment. Success catapults you just as abruptly but just as far way out over here into the equally blinding glare of fame and recognition and praise. And one of these fates is objectively seen by the world as bad, and the other one is objectively seen by the world as good, but your subconscious is completely incapable of discerning the difference between bad and good. The only thing that it is capable of feeling is the absolute value of this emotional equation, the exact distance that you have been flung from yourself. And there's a real equal danger in both cases of getting lost out there in the hinterlands of the psyche.
hakkasin lõpuks aduma hämmastavat psühholoogilist seost selle vahel, kuidas me kogeme suurt läbikukkumist ja kuidas me kogeme suurt edu. Mõelge sellele niimoodi, et suure osa elust me lihtsalt oleme selles inimlike kogemuste ahelas, kus kõik on normaalne, kindel ja regulaarne. Ebaõnnestumine viskab meid sealt järsku välja, pimestavasse pettumusse. Edu heidab meid sama järsku ja sama kaugele, kaugele siia, samamoodi pimestavasse hiilgusesse, mida põhjustab kuulsus, tunnustus ja kiitus. Üht neist variantidest näeb maailm objektiivselt halvana. Teist näeb maailm objektiivselt heana. Alateadvus ei suuda aga kohe üldse halval ja heal vahet teha. See suudab ainult tunda selle emotsionaalse võrdluse absoluutset väärtust, sedasama kaugust, kuhu sa oma tavaolekust lennutatud oled. Mõlemal juhul varitseb reaalne oht et seal, oma hinge ääremaal, end täielikult kaotada. Mõlemal juhul aga selgub,
But in both cases, it turns out that there is also the same remedy for self-restoration, and that is that you have got to find your way back home again as swiftly and smoothly as you can, and if you're wondering what your home is, here's a hint: Your home is whatever in this world you love more than you love yourself. So that might be creativity, it might be family, it might be invention, adventure, faith, service, it might be raising corgis, I don't know, your home is that thing to which you can dedicate your energies with such singular devotion that the ultimate results become inconsequential.
et enda taasleidmiseks on sama moodus. Me peame taas kodutee leidma ning seda võimalikult ruttu ja sujuvalt. Kui mõtlete, mis on teie kodu, siis siin väike vihje: teie koduks on see, mida armastate rohkem kui iseennast. Selleks võib olla loovus, pere, leiutamine, seiklused, usk, teenimine, korgide kasvatamine - mis iganes! Teie koduks on see asi, millele kulutate oma energiat niivõrd suure pühendumusega, et lõpptulemus muutub tähtsusetuks. Minu jaoks on see kodu alati olnud kirjutamine.
For me, that home has always been writing. So after the weird, disorienting success that I went through with "Eat, Pray, Love," I realized that all I had to do was exactly the same thing that I used to have to do all the time when I was an equally disoriented failure. I had to get my ass back to work, and that's what I did, and that's how, in 2010, I was able to publish the dreaded follow-up to "Eat, Pray, Love." And you know what happened with that book? It bombed, and I was fine. Actually, I kind of felt bulletproof, because I knew that I had broken the spell and I had found my way back home to writing for the sheer devotion of it. And I stayed in my home of writing after that, and I wrote another book that just came out last year and that one was really beautifully received, which is very nice, but not my point. My point is that I'm writing another one now, and I'll write another book after that and another and another and another and many of them will fail, and some of them might succeed, but I will always be safe from the random hurricanes of outcome as long as I never forget where I rightfully live.
Seega pärast kummalist ja segadusse ajavat edu, mille ma oma raamatuga saavutasin, adusin, et pean tegema sama, mida ma tegin alati siis, kui tundsin samasugust segadust, aga seda ebaõnnestumise tõttu. Pidin end taas tööle vedama. Ja seda ma tegingi. Nii suutsin 2010. aastal avaldada palju kardetud järje oma suurteosele. Kas teate, mis siis sai? See raamat oli menukas ja minuga oli kõik hästi. Tegelikult tundsin end võitmatuna, sest teadsin, et olin murdnud nõiduse ja taasleidnud kodutee kirjutamise juurde, seda puhtalt tänu pühendumusele. Pärast seda jäingi sellesse koju ja andsin mullu välja veel ühe teose. See võeti ka hästi vastu, mis on tore, aga mitte mu jutu iva. Mu mõte on selles, et kirjutan ka praegu üht raamatut ja siis veel ühe ja veel ja veel ja veel. Paljud neist kukuvad läbi ja mõned on edukad, aga ma olen alati kaitstud, mis iganes see tulemus ka poleks, kui ma lihtsalt hoian meeles, kus on minu päris kodu. Vaadake, ma ei tea, kus on teie päris kodu,
Look, I don't know where you rightfully live, but I know that there's something in this world that you love more than you love yourself. Something worthy, by the way, so addiction and infatuation don't count, because we all know that those are not safe places to live. Right? The only trick is that you've got to identify the best, worthiest thing that you love most, and then build your house right on top of it and don't budge from it. And if you should someday, somehow get vaulted out of your home by either great failure or great success, then your job is to fight your way back to that home the only way that it has ever been done, by putting your head down and performing with diligence and devotion and respect and reverence whatever the task is that love is calling forth from you next. You just do that, and keep doing that again and again and again, and I can absolutely promise you, from long personal experience in every direction, I can assure you that it's all going to be okay. Thank you. (Applause)
kuid tean, et maailmas on alati miski, mida armastate rohkem kui iseennast. Midagi väärtuslikku, seega sõltuvus ja lummus ei loe, sest me kõik teame, et need ei ole ohutud paigad, on ju nii? Saladus seisneb selles, et peate ära tundma selle parima ja väärtuslikeima asja, mida armastate, ja siis sinna oma kodu ehitama ning selle juurde pidama jääma. Kui teid kunagi mingil põhjusel teie kodust välja visatakse, kas suure läbikukkumise või edu tõttu, siis peate iga hinna eest koju tagasi jõudma. Selleks on ainult üks moodus - te peate oma pea langetama, olema töökad ja pühendunud, näitama austust ja aukartust, mis iganes see ülesanne on, mida armastus teie teele saadab. Lihtsalt tehke ja jätkake seda. Tehke seda üha uuesti ja uuesti ja ma võin teile kinnitada oma pika kogemuse põhjal, et mis iganes suunda te liikunud olete, kõik läheb hästi! Tänan teid!