You know, we wake up in the morning, you get dressed, put on your shoes, you head out into the world. You plan on coming back, getting undressed, going to bed, waking up, doing it again, and that anticipation, that rhythm, helps give us a structure to how we organize ourselves and our lives, and gives it a measure of predictability. Living in New York City, as I do, it's almost as if, with so many people doing so many things at the same time in such close quarters, it's almost like life is dealing you extra hands out of that deck. You're never, there's just, juxtapositions are possible that just aren't, you don't think they're going to happen. And you never think you're going to be the guy who's walking down the street and, because you choose to go down one side or the other, the rest of your life is changed forever.
你知道,當我們早上起來的時候, 你穿上衣服,套上鞋子, 你走入世界, 心裡盤算著之後回家,脫掉衣服, 上床, 醒來,全部重來一次, 也就是這些期盼,節奏, 給了我們一個的架構, 讓我們能夠組織我們的日常生活, 並使之有些許的可預料性。 像我,住在紐約, 在一個很小的空間裡, 跟其它很多人一樣同時間手上有很多事要處理, 就好像手上多了好幾副牌 機會加倍卻又手忙腳亂。 有些事情雖然存在, 但你就壓根,完全想不到它會發生。 你也完全想不到自己就是那個人 那個走在街上 因為選擇走在右邊或左邊, 從此整個人生永遠翻轉的人。
And one night, I'm riding the uptown local train. I get on. I tend to be a little bit vigilant when I get on the subway. I'm not one of the people zoning out with headphones or a book. And I get on the car, and I look, and I notice this couple, college-aged, student-looking kids, a guy and a girl, and they're sitting next to each other, and she's got her leg draped over his knee, and they're doing -- they have this little contraption, and they're tying these knots, and they're doing it with one hand, they're doing it left-handed and right-handed very quickly, and then she'll hand the thing to him and he'll do it. I've never seen anything like this. It's almost like they're practicing magic tricks.
有一天晚上,當我正要搭郊區地鐵。 上了車, 當我搭捷運的時候我都比較戒備一點。 因為我不是那種戴耳機聽音樂 或是看書的人, 我乘上車,舉目觀看, 我發現一對情侶, 大學生模樣的年輕人, 一男一女,併肩而坐, 她把她的腿交纏在他膝上, 然後手裡不知道在把弄個甚麼小玩意兒, 試著在玩一些繩結, 且只用單手, 左邊結束換右邊,非常快速地, 接著,女孩把那東西交給男生接手。 我從未見過這樣的東西。 就好像他們在練習甚麼魔術戲法般。
And at the next stop, a guy gets on the car, and he has this sort of visiting professor look to him. He's got the overstuffed leather satchel and the rectangular file case and a laptop bag and the tweed jacket with the leather patches, and — (Laughter) — he looks at them, and then in a blink of an eye, he kneels down in front of them, and he starts to say, "You know, listen, here's how you can do it. Look, if you do this -- " and he takes the laces out of their hand, and instantly, he starts tying these knots, and even better than they were doing it, remarkably. And it turns out they are medical students on their way to a lecture about the latest suturing techniques, and he's the guy giving the lecture. (Laughter)
到了下一站,一個男子上車, 他臉上帶著一種學者的氣息。 背著一個蓬蓬的皮肩背包 連同一個長方形資料夾和筆電 身上穿著皮補丁軟呢夾克, 和 ... (笑聲)... 他看了他們倆, 轉瞬間,他蹲跪在他們前面, 他說, "你們聽好,得這樣做,看仔細了, 如果你這樣做...." 接著他就把他們手裡的繩索拿過來 然後立刻打起結來, 竟然比他們之前做得還要好得多。 結果原來這二個年輕人是醫學院的學生 而且正在去上最新縫合技術課程的路上 而這傢伙就是給他們上課的老師。 (笑聲)
So he starts to tell them, and he's like, "No, this is very important here. You know, when you're needing these knots, it's going to be, you know, everything's going to be happening at the same time, it's going to be -- you're going to have all this information coming at you, there's going to be organs getting in the way, it's going to be slippery, and it's just very important that you be able to do these beyond second nature, each hand, left hand, right hand, you have to be able to do them without seeing your fingers." And at that moment, when I heard that, I just got catapulted out of the subway car into a night when I had been getting a ride in an ambulance from the sidewalk where I had been stabbed to the trauma room of St. Vincent's Hospital in Manhattan, and what had happened was a gang had come in from Brooklyn. As part of an initiation for three of their members, they had to kill somebody, and I happened to be the guy walking down Bleecker Street that night, and they jumped on me without a word. One of the very lucky things, when I was at Notre Dame, I was on the boxing team, so I put my hands up right away, instinctively. The guy on the right had a knife with a 10-inch blade, and he went in under my elbow, and it went up and cut my inferior vena cava. If you know anything about anatomy, that's not a good thing to get cut, and everything, of course, on the way up, and then — I still had my hands up — he pulled it out and went for my neck, and sunk it in up to the hilt in my neck, and I got one straight right punch and knocked the middle guy out. The other guy was still working on me, collapsing my other lung, and I managed to, by hitting that guy, to get a minute. I ran down the street and collapsed, and the ambulance guys intubated me on the sidewalk and let the trauma room know they had an incoming.
他就告訴他們,他說, "不不不,這裡是很重要的。知道嗎, 當你在打這些結的時候, 往往所有亂七八糟的事, 都會在同時一起發生,也就是說 你必須同時處理所有狀況, 有時候會有其他內臟在擋在中間, 會很滑, 還有 更重要的是你必須能超越本能地, 左手,右手,任何一隻手都要能夠執行, 你必須得在看不到你手指的情況下去執行這一切 而此刻,當我聽到這, 我回憶猛然帶我出了捷運車廂回到夜晚的路上 那個我走在人行道上被刺傷的晚上 被救護車送到 曼哈頓聖文森醫院的急診室 那天 布魯克林區的三個幫派份子 基於一個入會儀式 他們得殺死一個人, 而我剛好就是那個走在布里克街的衰鬼。 那天晚上 他們不發一語地往我身上來, 不幸中的大幸是, 當我在聖母大學時是拳擊隊的, 我直覺地馬上把手舉起。 我右邊的男子手10吋長的刀, 他從我的手肘下攻擊, 然後一路刺進我的下腔靜脈。 如果你有學過一點解剖, 你就知道這有多危險, 當然,一路劃上去, 當時,我的手還保持在舉高的位置 他把刀拔出來朝著我的脖子, 直入入地送進我的頸部, 接著我一記右直拳 把中間那個人擊倒。 另一個傢伙還在想辦法, 攻擊我的肺, 我試著裡攻擊另外一個傢伙來爭取一點時間, 一路順著街道跑,接著就昏倒在地。 直到救護人員來到幫我插管 通知急診室 告訴他們有病人要來了。
And one of the side effects of having major massive blood loss is you get tunnel vision, so I remember being on the stretcher and having a little nickel-sized cone of vision, and I was moving my head around and we got to St. Vincent's, and we're racing down this hallway, and I see the lights going, and it's a peculiar effect of memories like that. They don't really go to the usual place that memories go. They kind of have this vault where they're stored in high-def, and George Lucas did all the sound effects. (Laughter) So sometimes, remembering them, it's like, it's not like any other kind of memories.
大量出血的其中一個 副作用 就是你會有洞視現象, 所以我記得躺在擔架上的時候 當時一切景像都變得如此狹窄, 以及我試著轉動頭部 一直到後來到了聖文森醫院 大家將我火速推進走道 燈火閃爍 非常非常特別的記憶 這樣的記憶不同於一般記憶。 它們有如以高清畫質儲存於保險櫃中 而且由喬治盧卡斯(知名電影製作人) 負責所有的音效(笑聲) 所以有的時候,想起這一切, 回憶的確有別於一般
And I get into the trauma room, and they're waiting for me, and the lights are there, and I'd been able to breathe a little more now, because the blood has left, had been filling up my lungs and I was having a very hard time breathing, but now it's kind of gone into the stretcher. And I said, "Is there anything I can do to help?" and — (Laughter) — the nurse kind of had a hysterical laugh, and I'm turning my head trying to see everybody, and I had this weird memory of being in college and raising, raising money for the flood victims of Bangladesh, and then I look over and my anesthesiologist is clamping the mask on me, and I think, "He looks Bangladeshi," — (Laughter) — and I just have those two facts, and I just think, "This could work somehow." (Laughter)
在我被送到急診室時, 大家都在等著我,燈光很亮, 我那時好點了,呼吸較為順暢 因為之前大量血液流進我的肺部 簡直不能呼吸, 但後來血都流出到擔架上了 那時我說: "有沒有甚麼我可以幫忙的呢?" 接著... (笑聲) 護士也忍俊不住, 我轉了轉頭試著看清楚所有人, 突然間記憶回到大學時期, 當時我們 為孟加拉的水災受災戶募款, 我再定睛一看, 當麻醉師正替我擺上面罩時,我心裡想著 "他看起來真像個孟加拉人" ... (笑聲) ... 就這麼二件事,我想 "這說不定也挺有可能的" ... (笑聲) ...
And then I go out, and they work on me for the rest of the night, and I needed about 40 units of blood to keep me there while they did their work, and the surgeon took out about a third of my intestines, my cecum, organs I didn't know that I had, and he later told me one of the last things he did while he was in there was to remove my appendix for me, which I thought was great, you know, just a little tidy thing there at the end. (Laughter) And I came to in the morning. Out of anesthetic, he had let them know that he wanted to be there, and he had given me about a two percent chance of living.
然後我出去, 他們夜以繼日地救治我 他們工作的同時,我輸了大約40袋血 他們工作的同時,我輸了大約40袋血 醫生拿掉了我約1/3的腸子, 還有我不太清楚我還有的盲腸, 最後他告訴我,最後其中一件 他也順便把我的闌尾也割了, 我覺得挺好了,你知道的, 就是那個腸子尾端的小東西 (笑聲) 早上醒來 麻醉退去後,醫生告訴大家 他也想在那陪我 且推斷我大概有2%的存活率。
So he was there when I woke up, and it was, waking up was like breaking through the ice into a frozen lake of pain. It was that enveloping, and there was only one spot that didn't hurt worse than anything I'd ever felt, and it was my instep, and he was holding the arch of my foot and rubbing the instep with his thumb.
所以當我醒來的時候他站在那, 而那感覺,醒來時候感覺就像 破冰而出後進入漫無邊際的痛楚之中。 整個壟罩住你, 只有一個地方不會痛得記憶以來不曾體驗的糟, 只有一個地方不會痛得記憶以來不曾體驗的糟, 就是我的腳背, 醫生握住我的足弓 用大拇頭揉捏我的腳背。
And I looked up, and he's like, "Good to see you," and I was trying to remember what had happened and trying to get my head around everything, and the pain was just overwhelming, and he said, "You know, we didn't cut your hair. I thought you might have gotten strength from your hair like Samson, and you're going to need all the strength you can get." And in those days, my hair was down to my waist, I drove a motorcycle, I was unmarried, I owned a bar, so those were different times. (Laughter)
我看著他,他的表情就像, "真高興你回來了," 當我試圖回億到底發生了甚麼事的時候 想辦法釐清所有事情時 那疼楚真令人痛不欲生,醫生說, "你知道,我們沒有幫你剃掉頭髮,我覺得 你可能可以像辛普森一樣從那裡得到一些力量, 所以我們幫你保留了所有的頭髮。" 在那時候,我長髮及腰, 我開重機,單身, 經營一間酒吧,所以一切是很不一樣的。(笑聲)
But I had three days of life support, and everybody was expecting, due to just the massive amount of what they had had to do that I wasn't going to make it, so it was three days of everybody was either waiting for me to die or poop, and — (Laughter) — when I finally pooped, then that somehow, surgically speaking, that's like you crossed some good line, and, um — (Laughter) — on that day, the surgeon came in and whipped the sheet off of me. He had three or four friends with him, and he does that, and they all look, and there was no infection, and they bend over me and they're poking and prodding, and they're like, "There's no hematomas, blah blah, look at the color," and they're talking amongst themselves and I'm, like, this restored automobile that he's just going, "Yeah, I did that." (Laughter) And it was just, it was amazing, because these guys are high-fiving him over how good I turned out, you know? (Laughter) And it's my zipper, and I've still got the staples in and everything.
然而 我有整整三天靠著生命維持器, 所有人都在等著, 因為經過了這麼多的事 沒有人覺得我會撐過去, 那整整三天 大家不是等著我嗝屁就是放屁, 然後... (笑聲) ... 最後當我不知為何地放了個屁, 套句行話,就好像你已經跨過了生死線了, 然後,痾 ... (笑聲) ... 那天以後,醫生進來 幫我拉開被單。 他帶著三四個朋友 他這麼做的同時,他們都睜大眼瞧著, 沒有任何感染, 他們彎下腰來看個仔細,還戳了戳推了推地, 說了些 "完全沒有血腫,等等之類的... ... 你看這顏色",他們自顧自地討論起來了 我呢,這被修理好的破罐子 那醫生得意地說"沒錯,我做到了!"(笑聲) 這簡直 不可思議,因為這些人為我的復原情況 興高采烈,你相信嗎?(笑聲) 我還負傷在身,還有拉鍊 甚麼的。
And later on, when I got out and the flashbacks and the nightmares were giving me a hard time, I went back to him and I was sort of asking him, you know, what am I gonna do? And I think, kind of, as a surgeon, he basically said, "Kid, I saved your life. Like, now you can do whatever you want, like, you gotta get on with that. It's like I gave you a new car and you're complaining about not finding parking. Like, just, go out, and, you know, do your best. But you're alive. That's what it's about."
然後 之後,我出了院 時光畫面倒轉 午夜夢迴時的夢饜總令人難以為繼, 我回去找他 好像是問他, 你知道嗎,我該怎麼辦? 我想,做為一個醫生,他大概是這樣說: "年輕人,我把你救回來。 現在你可以做任何你想做的事, 你得習慣這一切。 這就好像我給你一部新車 結果你跟我抱怨找不到停車位。 你就盡你所能做到最好。 重點是你還活著。這就夠了。"
And then I hear, "Bing-bong," and the subway doors are closing, and my stop is next, and I look at these kids, and I go, I think to myself, "I'm going to lift my shirt up and show them," — (Laughter) — and then I think, "No, this is the New York City subway, that's going to lead to other things." (Laughter)
然後我聽到,"砰磅",捷運的門要關了 我下一站下車,看著那對年輕人, 想著想著, "我要把我的衣服撩起來 給他們瞧瞧," ...(笑聲)... 然後我又想,"不,這可是紐約" 誰知道捷運會發生甚麼事。"(笑聲)
And so I just think, they got their lecture to go to. I step off, I'm standing on the platform, and I feel my index finger in the first scar that I ever got, from my umbilical cord, and then around that, is traced the last scar that I got from my surgeon, and I think that, that chance encounter with those kids on the street with their knives led me to my surgical team, and their training and their skill and, always, a little bit of luck pushed back against chaos.
我想,反正他們還得去上課 我下了車,站在月台上 把食指 放在 我有生以來的第一個傷痕 從臍帶, 沿著到這裡, 醫生在我身上留下 最後的傷痕, 我覺得,就是因為 遇到那些少年被刺 帶領我 到我的醫療團隊, 他們的訓練 和技術 和,總是那不可缺乏的一點運氣 救我脫離混沌黑暗。
Thank you. (Applause) (Applause) Thank you. Very lucky to be here. Thank you. (Applause)
謝謝。 (掌聲) (掌聲) 謝謝。非常幸運能夠站在這裡。謝謝。(掌聲)