I wanted to just start by asking everyone a question: How many of you are completely comfortable with calling yourselves a leader? I've asked that question all across the country, and everywhere I ask it, no matter where, there's a huge portion of the audience that won't put up their hand. And I've come to realize that we have made leadership into something bigger than us; something beyond us. We've made it about changing the world. We've taken this title of "leader" and treat it as something that one day we're going to deserve. But to give it to ourselves right now means a level of arrogance or cockiness that we're not comfortable with. And I worry sometimes that we spend so much time celebrating amazing things that hardly anybody can do, that we've convinced ourselves those are the only things worth celebrating. We start to devalue the things we can do every day, We take moments where we truly are a leader and we don't let ourselves take credit for it, or feel good about it. I've been lucky enough over the last 10 years to work with amazing people who've helped me redefine leadership in a way that I think has made me happier. With my short time today, I want to share with you the one story that is probably most responsible for that redefinition.
Men shunchaki hammaga savol berishdan boshlamoqchiman: Kimlar o’zlarini ishonch bilan “sardor” deb ayta oladilar? Men bu savolni butun mamlakat bo’ylab so’radim, va qayerda so’ramay auditoriyaning ko’p qismi qo’llarni ko’tarmas edilar. Men shuni anglab yetdimki, biz sardorlikni kattaroq, yetib bo’lmaydigan narsaga aylantiribmiz. Dunyoni o’zgartirish deb qabul qildik “Sardor” degan nomni oldik va kun kelib unga loyiq narsa bo’lishdek muomala qildik. Biroq buni o’zimizga hozir berish biz uchun teng bo’lmagan kekkayish, dimog’dorlikni olish bilan barobar. Men ba’zida xavotirlanamanki, biz ko’pincha ba’zilar zo’rg’a qiloladigan narsalarni nishonlaymiz, faqatgina ular nishonlashga arzigulik deb o’ylaymiz. Kunlik qiloladigan ishlarni qadrsizlaymiz, Biz haqiqiy sardor bo’lgan paytlarni olamiz va ular haqida yaxshi his qilmaymiz. Men so’nggi 10 yilda ajoyib insonlar bilan ishlashga muvaffaq bo’ldim, ular meni xursand qiladigan yo’lda “sardorlik”ni tushunishga yordam berdilar. Bugun qisqa vaqt ichida Sizlar bilan bu tushunchaga mos hikoya ulashmoqchiman.
I went to a little school called Mount Allison University in Sackville, New Brunswick. And on my last day there, a girl came up to me and said, "I remember the first time I met you." And she told me a story that had happened four years earlier. She said, "On the day before I started university, I was in the hotel room with my mom and dad, and I was so scared and so convinced that I couldn't do this, that I wasn't ready for university, that I just burst into tears. My mom and dad were amazing. They were like, "We know you're scared, but let's just go tomorrow, go to the first day, and if at any point you feel as if you can't do this, that's fine; tell us, and we'll take you home. We love you no matter what.'"
Men Sackville, Yangi Brunsvikdagi Mount Allison nomli kichkina universitetga borganman. U yerdagi oxirgi kunimda bir qiz kelib, shunday degan: “Seni birinchi marta ko’rganimni eslayman”. Keyin menga to’rt yil oldingi voqeani aytib bergan: “O’qishni boshlashimdan oldin, men ota-onam bilan mehmonxonada bir xona edim, qo’rqqan va buni uddalay olmasligimga ishongan edim universitetda o’qishga tayyor emasdim va yig’lay boshladim Ota-onam ajoyib edilar. Ular: “Qo’rqayotganingni bilamiz, lekin ertaga borib ko’raylik, birinchi kun borgin va nobodo uddalay olmasligingni his qilsang, hammasi joyida, aytsang uyga olib kelamiz. Seni doim yaxshi ko’ramiz”.
She says, "So I went the next day. I was in line for registration, and I looked around and just knew I couldn't do it; I wasn't ready. I knew I had to quit. I made that decision and as soon as I made it, an incredible feeling of peace came over me. I turned to my mom and dad to tell them we needed to go home, and at that moment, you came out of the student union building wearing the stupidest hat I've ever seen in my life."
U aytdi: “Keyingi kun bordim. Ro’yxatdan o’tishga navbatda, atrofga qarab, uddalay olamsligimni, tayyor emasligimni bildim. Tark etishga qaror qilib shundan keyin qandaydir xavotirsizlik tuyg’usi keldi. Ota-onamga uyga ketishni aytish uchun o’girildim shu paytda, o’quvchilar uyushmasi binosidan sen hayotimda ko’rgan eng g’alati shapkani kiyib kelding”
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
"It was awesome. And you had a big sign promoting Shinerama," -- which is Students Fighting Cystic Fibrosis, a charity I've worked with for years -- "And you had a bucketful of lollipops. You were handing the lollipops out to people in line, and talking about Shinerama. All of the sudden, you got to me, and you just stopped. And you stared. It was creepy."
“Ajoyib edi. Shinerama reklamasili katta belgi bor edi”,-- ya’ni muko vistsidoz ga kurash birlashmasi Men yillar davomida ishlagan xayriya -- “Senda savatda shirinliklar bor edi. Navbatdagi odamlarga Shinerama haqida aytib, shirinlik berayotgan eding. Birdaniga, menga kelding, va to’xtading. Qarab turding. Juda ham g’alati edi”.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
This girl knows what I'm talking about.
Bu qiz nima deyotganimni biladi.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
"Then you looked at the guy next to me, smiled, reached into your bucket, pulled out a lollipop, held it out to him and said, 'You need to give a lollipop to the beautiful woman next to you.'" She said, "I've never seen anyone get more embarrassed faster in my life. He turned beet red, he wouldn't even look at me. He just kind of held the lollipop out like this."
“Keyin yonimdagi bolaga qarading, kulding, savatga qo’lingni uzatding shirinlikni olib, bolaga uzatding va yonidagi chiroyli qizga shirinlik berishini aytding. U aytdi: “Hayotimda bundan tez uyaladigan inson ko’rmaganman. U qizarib ketgan edi, u menga qaramas edi ham. U faqatgina shirinlikni uzatib turar edi”.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
"I felt so bad for this dude that I took the lollipop. As soon as I did, you got this incredibly severe look on your face, looked at my mom and dad and said, 'Look at that! Look at that! First day away from home, and already she's taking candy from a stranger?'"
“Men bu boladan shirinlikni olganimga g’alati bo’ldim. Olgach, yuzingda jiddiy ko’rinish hosil bo’ldi, ota-onamga qarab, dedim: ’Qarang! Qarang! Birinchi kun uydan yiroqda, va u notanishdan shirinlik olyapti?’”
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
She said, "Everybody lost it. Twenty feet in every direction, everyone started to howl. I know this is cheesy, and I don't know why I'm telling you this, but in that moment when everyone was laughing, I knew I shouldn't quit. I knew I was where I was supposed to be; I knew I was home. And I haven't spoken to you once in the four years since that day. But I heard that you were leaving, and I had to come and tell you you've been an incredibly important person in my life. I'm going to miss you. Good luck."
U aytdi: ”Hamma g’azabda edi. Har 25 chaqirimda hamma ming’irlashni boshladi. G’alati ekanini bilaman va buni nimaga aytayotganimni bilmayman, lekin o’sha onda hamma kulayotganda, tark etmaslik kerakligini bildim. Men kerakli joydaligimni bildim; uydaligimni bildim. O’sha kundan keyin to’rt yil davomida sen bilan gaplashmadim. Lekin ketayotganingni bilib, kelib senga hayotimdagi juda ham muhim inson ekanini aytdim. Seni sog’inaman. Omad”.
And she walks away, and I'm flattened. She gets six feet away, turns around, smiles and goes, "You should probably know this, too: I'm still dating that guy, four years later."
Keyin u ketdi, men tushkunlikka tushdim. Olti chaqirim nariga ketib, o’girilib kuldi va ketdi, “Buni ham bilishing lozim: Haligacha to’rt yil oldingi yigit bilan uchrashyapman”
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
A year and a half after I moved to Toronto, I got an invitation to their wedding.
Bir yarim yildan so’ng Torontoga ko’chib keldim, ularning to’yiga taklifnoma oldim.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
Here's the kicker: I don't remember that. I have no recollection of that moment. I've searched my memory banks, because that is funny and I should remember doing it and I don't. That was such an eye-opening, transformative moment for me, to think that maybe the biggest impact I'd ever had on anyone's life, a moment that had a woman walk up to a stranger four years later and say, "You've been an important person in my life," was a moment that I didn't even remember.
Mana qiziq nutasi: Men eslay olmayman. O’sha damdan hech qanday xotira yo’q. Xotiralarni eslashga urindim, chunki ular kulgili va ularni eslolishim kerak va eslay olmayman. Bu men uchun ko’z ochadigan on edi, balkim hayotimdagi ta’siri kuchli voqea, to’rt yildan keyin notanishga bir ayol kelib, aytishi: “Hayotimdagi eng muhim inson bo’lgansan,” bu hatto eslay olmaydigan payt edi.
How many of you guys have a lollipop moment, a moment where someone said or did something that you feel fundamentally made your life better? All right. How many of you have told that person they did it? See, why not? We celebrate birthdays, where all you have to do is not die for 365 days --
Kimlarning hayotida, kimdir tufayli hayoti yaxshiroq bo’lgan shirinlik payti bo’lgan? Yaxshi. Kimlar o’sha odamga borib aytgan? Xo’sha, nimaga yo’q? 365 kun o’lmaslik kerak bo’lgan tug’ilgan kunlarni nishonlaymiz.
(Laughter)
(Kulgi)
Yet we let people who have made our lives better walk around without knowing it. Every single one of you has been the catalyst for a lollipop moment. You've made someone's life better by something you said or did. If you think you haven't, think of all the hands that didn't go up when I asked. You're just one of the people who hasn't been told.
Ammo hayotimizni yaxshiga o’zgartirgan insonlar oldidan bilmay o’tib ketamiz. Har biringiz shirinlik voqea ishtirokchisi bo’lgansiz. Nimadir qilib yo aytib kimdirning hayotini yaxshilashtirgansiz. Agar yo’q desangiz, so’ralganda ko’tarilmagan qo’llar haqida o’ylang. Siz shunchaki aytilmagan insonlardan birisiz.
It's scary to think of ourselves as that powerful, frightening to think we can matter that much to other people. As long as we make leadership something bigger than us, as long as we keep leadership beyond us and make it about changing the world, we give ourselves an excuse not to expect it every day, from ourselves and from each other.
O’zimiz haqida kuchli deb o’ylash qo’rqinchli, boshqalar uchun muhimligimizni o’ylash qo’rqinchli. Sardorlikni o’zimizdan katta narsa deb bilar ekanmiz, sardorlikni yetib bo’lmaydigan, dunyoni o’zgartiruvchi deb bilarkanmiz, o’zimizga o’sha kunni kutmaslik uchun bahono beryapmiz, o’zimizdan va bir-birimizdan.
Marianne Williamson said, "Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. [It] is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light and not our darkness that frightens us." My call to action today is that we need to get over our fear of how extraordinarily powerful we can be in each other's lives. We need to get over it so we can move beyond it, and our little brothers and sisters and one day our kids -- or our kids right now -- can watch and start to value the impact we can have on each other's lives, more than money and power and titles and influence. We need to redefine leadership as being about lollipop moments -- how many of them we create, how many we acknowledge, how many of them we pay forward and how many we say thank you for. Because we've made leadership about changing the world, and there is no world. There's only six billion understandings of it.
Marianna Vilyamson aytgan: “Eng katta qo’rquvimiz nomuvofiqligimiz emas. U haddan tashqari kuchli ekanimzdadir. Zulmat emas, bizning chirog’imiz bizni qo’rqitadi.” Mening bugungi chaqirig’im shundayki, biz bir-birimiz hayotimizda qanchalik qudratli bo’ladigan qo’rquvni yengib o’tishimiz kerak. Biz uni oldinga yurish uchun yengishimiz lozim, opa-singil va aka-ukalarimiz, kun kelib farzandlarimiz-- yo hozirgi farzandlarimiz-- ko’rib, bir-birimizning hayotimizga ta’sirini qadrlay boshlaydilar, pul va kuch-qudat va nomdan burun. Biz sardorlikni shirinlik singari qayta talqin qilishimiz kerak-- qanchasini yaratib, qanchasini tan olib, qanchasini qaytarib va qanchasiga minnatdorchilik bildirishimiz. Chunki sardorlik dunyo o’zgartirishga tenglashtirdik, va dunyo yo’q. Faqatgina 6 milliard tushunchalar bor.
And if you change one person's understanding of it, understanding of what they're capable of, understanding of how much people care about them, understanding of how powerful an agent for change they can be in this world, you've changed the whole thing.
Agar siz bir inson tushunchasini o’zgartirsangiz, nimaga qodirligi haqidagi tushunchasini, qanchalik odamlar u haqida qayg’urishi haqida tushunchasini, o’zgarishi qanchalik dunyoni o’zgar- tirish tushunchasini, siz hamma narsani o’zgartirdingiz.
And if we can understand leadership like that, I think if we can redefine leadership like that, I think we can change everything. And it's a simple idea, but I don't think it's a small one. I want to thank you so much for letting me share it with you today.
Agar biz sardorlikni shunday tushunsak, o’ylashimcha, shunday talqin qilsak, biz hamma narsani o’zgartira olamiz. Bu sodda g’oya, lekin kichkina dev o’ylamayman. Kattakon rahmat, buni ulashish imkoniyatini berganingiz uchun.