My journey to coming here today started in 1974. That's me with the funny gloves. I was 17 and going on a peace walk. What I didn't know though, was most of those people, standing there with me, were Moonies. (Laughter) And within a week I had come to believe that the second coming of Christ had occurred, that it was Sun Myung Moon, and that I had been specially chosen and prepared by God to be his disciple.
Moj put do današnjeg dolaska ovamo počeo je 1974. godine. To sam ja sa smiješnim rukavicama. Imala sam 17 godina i išla na mirovni mimohod. Ono što nisam znala je da većina ljudi koji stoje ovdje sa mnom pripadaju Moonovoj sekti. (Smijeh) I u roku od tjedan dana počela sam vjerovati da se drugi Kristov dolazak već dogodio, da je to Sun Myung Moon, i da sam specijalno odabrana i pripremljena od Boga da budem njegova učenica.
Now as cool as that sounds, my family was not that thrilled with this. (Laughter) And they tried everything they could to get me out of there. There was an underground railroad of sorts that was going on during those years. Maybe some of you remember it. They were called deprogrammers. And after about five long years my family had me deprogrammed. And I then became a deprogrammer. I started going out on cases. And after about five years of doing this, I was arrested for kidnapping. Most of the cases I went out on were called involuntary. What happened was that the family had to get their loved ones some safe place somehow. And so they took them to some safe place. And we would come in and talk to them, usually for about a week. And so after this happened, I decided it was a good time to turn my back on this work.
Koliko god cool to zvučalo, moja obitelj nije bila oduševljena time. (Smijeh) I pokušali su sve što su mogli da me izvuku odatle. Postojala je svojevrsna podzemna željeznica, tako reći, tijekom tih godina. Možda je se neki sjećate. Zvali su ih deprogrameri. I nakon nekih pet dugih godina moja obitelj me je deprogramirala. A tada sam i ja postala deprogramer. Počela sam ići na zadatke. I nakon pet godina toga (deprogramiranja) bila sam uhićena zbog otmice. Većina slučajeva na koje sam izlazila nazivani su nedobrovoljnim. Ono što se događalo je bilo to da je obitelj nekako morala svoje bližnje odvesti na sigurno mjesto. Pa bi ih odveli na neko sigurno mjesto. I mi bismo došli i razgovarali s njima, obično tjedan dana. I nakon što mi se dogodilo uhićenje odlučila sam da je pravo vrijeme da okrenem leđa tom poslu.
And about 20 years went by. There was a burning question though that would not leave me. And that was, "How did this happen to me?" And in fact, what did happen to my brain? Because something did. And so I decided to write a book, a memoir, about this decade of my life.
I prošlo je nekih 20 godina. Ali je ostalo goruće pitanje koje me nije napuštalo. Bilo je to, "Kako se to meni dogodilo?" I, zapravo, što se to dogodilo s mojim mozgom? Jer nešto se jest dogodilo. Pa sam odlučila napisati knjigu, memoare, o tom desetljeću svojega života.
And toward the end of writing that book there was a documentary that came out. It was on Jonestown. And it had a chilling effect on me. These are the dead in Jonestown. About 900 people died that day, most of them taking their own lives. Women gave poison to their babies, and watched foam come from their mouths as they died.
Pred kraj pisanja knjige izišao je jedan dokumentarac. Ticao se zbivanja u Jonestownu. Imao je ledeni učinak na mene. Ovo su mrtvi u Jonestownu. Oko 900 ljudi je umrlo toga dana. Većina njih je oduzela vlastite živote. Žene su otrovale svoje bebe, i gledale kako im pjena izbija na usta dok su umirale.
The top picture is a group of Moonies that have been blessed by their messiah. Their mates were chosen for them. The bottom picture is Hitler youth. This is the leg of a suicide bomber. The thing I had to admit to myself, with great repulsion, was that I get it. I understand how this could happen. I understand how someone's brain, how someone's mind can come to the place where it makes sense -- in fact it would be wrong, when your brain is working like that -- not to try to save the world through genocide.
Slika na vrhu predstavlja skupinu Moonijevaca kojima njihov Mesija udjeljuje blagoslov. Njihovi partneri su odabrani za njih. Donja slika prikazuje Hitlerovu mladež. Ovo je noga bombaša samoubojice. Ono što moram priznati sama sebi, s velikom odvratnošću, je da ih razumijem. Razumijem kako se to moglo dogoditi. Razumijem kako se nečiji mozak, kako nečiji um može dospjeti u stanje u kojem to ima smisla, u stvari, bilo bi pogrešno, kad vam mozak radi na takav način, kad ne biste probali spasiti svijet genocidom.
And so what is this? How does this work? And how I've come to view what happened to me is a viral, memetic infection. For those of you who aren't familiar with memetics, a meme has been defined as an idea that replicates in the human brain and moves from brain to brain like a virus, much like a virus. The way a virus works is -- it can infect and do the most damage to someone who has a compromised immune system.
Pa što je to? Kako to funkcionira? Ono što se meni dogodilo vidim kao memetičnu virusnu infekciju. Za vas koji niste upoznati s memetikom, mem se definira kao ideja koja se umnožava u ljudskom umu i kreće od mozga do mozga poput virusa, slično virusu. Virus djeluje na način -- može inficirati i najviše naškoditi onome s ugroženim imunitetnim sustavom.
In 1974, I was young, I was naive, and I was pretty lost in my world. I was really idealistic. These easy ideas to complex questions are very appealing when you are emotionally vulnerable. What happens is that circular logic takes over. "Moon is one with God. God is going to fix all the problems in the world. All I have to do is humbly follow. Because God is going to stop war and hunger -- all these things I wanted to do -- all I have to do is humbly follow. Because after all, God is [working through] the messiah. He's going to fix all this." It becomes impenetrable. And the most dangerous part of this is that is creates "us" and "them," "right" and "wrong," "good" and "evil." And it makes anything possible, makes anything rationalizable.
1974. sam bila mlada, bila sam naivna, i bila sam sasvim izgubljena u svom svijetu. Bila sam doista idealistična. Jednostavne ideje kao odgovor na složena pitanja su privlačna kad ste emocionalno ranjivi. Ono što se događa je to da kružna logika preuzima stvar. "Moon je jedno s Bogom. Bog će riješiti sve probleme na svijetu. Sve što moram uraditi je da ponizno slijedim. Jer će Bog zaustaviti rat i glad -- sve ono što sam i ja htjela učiniti. Sve što trebam je ponizno slijediti. Jer, naposlijetku, Bog djeluje kroz Mesiju. On će sve popraviti. Ovo postaje neprobojno. A najopasnija stvar kod ovoga je da stvara "nas" i "njih", "prave" i "krive", "dobre" i "zle". I čini mogućim sve. Čini sve objašnjivim.
And the thing is, though, if you looked at my brain during those years in the Moonies -- neuroscience is expanding exponentially, as Ray Kurzweil said yesterday. Science is expanding. We're beginning to look inside the brain. And so if you looked at my brain, or any brain that's infected with a viral memetic infection like this, and compared it to anyone in this room, or anyone who uses critical thinking on a regular basis, I am convinced it would look very, very different.
Stvar je u tome, da ste zavirili u moj mozak tijekom godina s Moonijevcima -- Neuroznanost eksponencijalno raste, kako nam je Ray Kurzweil jučer govorio. Znanost raste. Počinjemo gledati u mozak. I da ste pogledali u moj mozak, ili ikoji mozak inficiran memetičkom virusnom infekcijom kao što je ta, i usporedili ga s bilo čijim u ovoj prostoriji, ili s nekim tko kritički razmišlja na redovnoj osnovi, uvjerena sam da bi izgledao jako, jako različito.
And that, strange as it may sound, gives me hope. And the reason that gives me hope is that the first thing is to admit that we have a problem. But it's a human problem. It's a scientific problem, if you will. It happens in the human brain. There is no evil force out there to get us. And so this is something that, through research and education, I believe that we can solve. And so the first step is to realize that we can do this together, and that there is no "us" and "them." Thank you very much. (Applause)
A to, koliko god čudno izgledalo, pruža mi nadu. A razlog zašto mi daje nadu je što prva stvar mora biti priznanje da problem postoji. Ali to je ljudski problem. To je znanstveni problem, ako hoćete. Događa se u ljudskom umu. Nema zle sile napolju koja juriša na nas. I zato je to nešto što, istraživanjem i obrazovanjem, vjerujem da možemo riješiti. Prvi korak je shvatiti da to možemo učiniti zajedno, i da nema "nas" i "njih". Hvala vam lijepa. (Pljesak)