Yeah, so a couple of years ago I was turning 60, and I don't like being 60. (Laughter) And I started grappling with this existential angst of what little I had done with my life. It wasn't the resume of breaking this record here, it was more like, who had I become? How had I spent my valuable time? How could this have gone by like lightning? And I couldn't forgive myself for the countless, countless hours I had lost in negative thought -- all the time I had spent beating myself up for losing my marriage and not stopping the sexual abuse when I was a kid and career moves and this and this and this. Just why, why didn't I do it better? Why? Why? Why? And then my mother died at 82. And so I starting thinking, not only am I not happy with the past, now I'm getting choked with, "I've only got 22 years left." What am I going to do with this short amount of time that's just fleeting? And I'm not in the present whatsoever.
幾年前我快要六十歲的時候 當然我不像快到六十歲(的人) (全場笑) 我開始帶著一種存在性焦慮 開始思考 我過往生命中的那些一事無成 這並不是想在履歷上 打破過往的紀錄而已 這更像是,過去我變成了怎樣一個人? 我怎樣花費了我寶貴的時間? 往事種種 怎麼就像雷電一樣一閃而過? 無數,無數的時間 被我浪費,被我遺失 在這一點上我不能原諒我自己 從負面角度來想- 我把所有的時間花在對我自己的嚴厲苛責中 為我最終失去的婚姻 為我童年時期努力免遭性虐待 和職業生涯的步步遷移 這些,這些,這些! 為甚麼,為甚麼我不能做到更好?為甚麼? 我的母親在八十二歲的時候離世了 於是我開始思考 不僅僅因為我對過去感到不滿 我現在更因為 “我只剩下22年的生命”而感到惶恐和壓抑 在這段轉瞬即逝的短短時間裡 我應該做些甚麼? 不管怎樣我沒有活在當下
And I decided the remedy to all this malaise was going to be for me to chase an elevated dream, an extreme dream, something that would require utter conviction and unwavering passion, something that would make me be my best self in every aspect of my life, every minute of every day, because the dream was so big that I couldn't get there without that kind of behavior and that kind of conviction. And I decided, it was an old dream that was lingering, that was from so many years ago, three decades ago -- the only sort of world class swim I had tried and failed at back in my 20s -- was going from Cuba to Florida. It was deep in my imagination.
我嘗試對這些失落進行補救 對我來說 就像是去追逐 一個高遠的 極致的夢想 這些事情需要我 絕對的信念 和不動搖的熱忱 這些事情同時也會 讓我成為更好的自己 在我生活的每一個方面 每一分鐘每一天 因為這個夢想實在太龐大 如果缺少這樣的行為和這樣堅定的信念 我就永遠無法到達 我認為 這是一個被延遲的舊夢 從好多年前開始 從三十年前- 唯一一種世界級的游泳 我曾經在我二十幾歲嘗試過但最終失敗的- 是從古巴游到佛羅里達 深深地印在我的想象中
No one's ever done it without a shark cage. It's daunting. It's more than a hundred miles across a difficult passage of ocean. It's probably, at my speed, at my age -- for anybody's speed at anybody's age -- going to take 60, maybe 70, hours of continuous swimming, never getting out on the boat.
每一個達到目標的人都遇過鯊魚侵擾 這讓人畏縮 這需要游超過一百英里穿越海洋中最難通過的一段 以我的速度,在我的年齡,這可能- 以任何人的速度以任何人的年齡- 需要持續的游泳 超過60,或者是70小時 中途不能中斷上船
And I started to train. I hadn't swum for 31 years, not a stroke. And I had kept in good shape, but swimming's a whole different animal. As a matter of fact, this picture is supposed to be me during training. It's a smiling face. And when you're training for this sport, you are not smiling. (Laughter) It's an arduous, difficult sport, and I don't remember smiling at any time during this sport. As I said, I respect other sports, and I compare this sport sometimes to cycling and to mountain climbing and other of the expedition type events, but this is a sensory deprivation, a physical duress. And when I started in with the eight hours and the 10 hours and the 12 hours and the 14 hours and the 15 hours and the 24-hour swims, I knew I had it, because I was making it through these.
於是我開始訓練 我已經31年沒有游泳了,沒有划一下 雖然我仍然保持著不錯的體形,但是游泳卻是全然不同的運動 事實上 這張照片上的我是在訓練中 一張笑臉 但是當你真正訓練的時候,你可笑不出來 (全場笑) 這是一項枯燥的,困難的運動 我不記得我在進行這項運動當中的任何時候 曾經笑過一下 正如我所說,我尊敬其他的運動 並且有時候我把這項運動 和騎自行車或登山 以及其他的遠足運動進行對比 但這是一項對感官進行剝奪 對身體進行摧殘的運動 當我開始時 我8小時,10小時,12小時 甚至14小時,15小時,24小時的游 我知道我必須去做 因為只有經過這些我才能達到目標
And when I said I'm going to go out and do a 15-hour swim, and we're coming into the dock after a long day and it's now night, and we come in and it's 14 hours and 58 minutes and I can touch the dock and we're done, the trainer says, "That's great. It's 14 hours 58 minutes. Who cares the last two minutes?" I say, "No, it's got to be 15 hours," and I swim another minute out and another minute back to make the 15 hours.
有一次我說我要出去游15個小時 游了一整天已經是晚上了 我們進入一個船塢 當我們游到時候已經是14小時58分鐘 而且我已經碰到岸了 訓練師也說:“很好。” “現在已經游14小時58分鐘了,誰會在乎那最後的兩分鐘?” 但我說:“不行,一定要滿15小時。” 於是我另外游了一分鐘再花另一分鐘游回來 游滿15個小時
And I put together an expedition. It's not that I didn't have help, but honestly, I sort of led, I was the team leader. And to get the government permissions, you read in the paper, you think it's easy to get into Cuba everyday? Try going in with an armada like we had of 50 people and five boats and CNN's crew, etc. The navigation is difficult. There's a big river called the Gulf Stream that runs across and it's not going in the direction you are. It's going to the east and you'd like to go north. It's tricky. And there's dehydration. And there's hypothermia. And there are sharks. And there are all kinds of problems. And I gathered together, honestly, the world's leading experts in every possible way.
然後我集結了一個探險隊 雖然表面上我沒有請求幫助 但事實上,我有一點,當然我也是領隊 於是我得到了政府的允許 你看過報上寫吧? 你覺得每天進入古巴很容易嗎? 試著尾隨艦隊看看 就像我們一樣有50個人和5條船 還有CNN的一群人之類的 游起來非常困難 那兒有一條很大的洋流叫“墨西哥灣流” 它橫穿過墨西哥灣 並且不是流向你想游去的地方 這就像它往東流你要往北游 游起來很困難 並且要克服脫水 還要克服失溫 那兒還有鯊魚 並且還有各種各樣的問題 說真的,我把世界級的專家們 用各種方法聚集在一起幫助我
And a month ago, the 23rd of September, I stood on that shore and I looked across to that long, long faraway horizon and I asked myself, do you have it? Are your shoulders ready? And they were. They were prepared. No stone left unturned. Was the mind ready? You know, you're swimming with the fogged goggles, you're swimming at 60 strokes a minute, so you're never really focused on anything, you don't see well. You've got tight bathing caps over your ears trying to keep the heat of the head, because it's where the hypothermia starts, and so you don't hear very well. You're really left alone with your own thoughts. And I had all kinds of counting systems ready there in English, followed by German, followed by Spanish, followed by French. You save the French for last.
一個月前 9月23日 我站在岸邊 望向那 長長的,遙遠的海平線 並且問我自己 你可以麼? 你的肩膀準備好了麼? 是的,是的 它們做好了全部的準備 你的心志準備好了麼? 你要戴著這副滿布水霧的泳鏡 一分鐘你要划60下 所以你絕不會注視甚麼,你也看不太清 你那緊繃的泳帽會覆蓋過你的耳朵 保持頭部的溫度 因為這是體溫開始降低的地方 同時你也聽不太清 這時候你真的只剩下自己的想法陪伴你 並且我已經備了各種計時系統 英語的,然後是德語 接著是西班牙語,法語 把法語保存在最後一個
And I had songs, I had a playlist in my head -- not through headphones, in my own head -- of 65 songs. And I couldn't wait to get into the dark in the middle of the night, because that's when Neil Young comes out. (Laughter) And it's odd, isn't it? You'd think you'd be singing Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" out in the majesty of the ocean, not songs about heroin addiction in New York City. But no, for some reason I couldn't wait to get into the dark of the night and be singing, ♫ "A heard you knocking at my cellar door ♫ ♫ I love you baby and I want some more ♫ ♫ Ooh, ooh, the damage done" ♫
我也準備了一些歌曲,我的腦海裡有一個歌曲播放單- 不是通過耳機,而是在我的腦海裡 有65首歌 我迫不及待想要鑽進那深夜的一片黑暗中 因為這是尼爾·楊出來的地方 (全場笑) 這很奇怪,不是麼? 你以為在波濤洶湧的大海裡 你會唱李奧納德·科恩的哈利路亞 而不是關於在紐約嗑藥的歌 但因為一些原因 我迫不及待想鑽入夜一般的黑暗里 唱著 你敲擊我地下室的門♫ 我愛你寶貝我想要更多♫ 噢,噢,你傷害了我♫
(Applause)
(掌聲)
The night before I started, I finished Stephen Hawking's "The Grand Design." And I couldn't wait to trip the mind fantastic. About the 50th hour, I was going to start thinking about the edge of the universe. Is there an edge? Is this an envelope we're living inside of, or no, does it go onto infinity in both time and space? And there's nothing like swimming for 50 hours in the ocean that gets you thinking about things like this. I couldn't wait to prove the athlete I am, that nobody else in the world can do this swim. And I knew I could do it.
啓程的前夜, 我讀完了史蒂芬霍金的《大設計》 於是我迫不及待 想要遨遊於腦海中的幻想世界 第50個小時 我開始思考宇宙的邊緣 它確實存在嗎? 我們存在于有限的束縛中 又或者,時間和空間都趨向于無限? 除了在海洋中游泳50個小時 其他時候你根本不會去思考這些問題 我急切地想要證明我是一個與眾不同的游泳選手 並且世界上沒有任何人能完成這種游泳 我確信我能做到
And when I jumped into that water, I yelled in my mother's French, "Courage!" And I started swimming, and, oh my God, it was glassy. And we knew it, all 50 people on the boat, we all knew this was it, this was our time. And I reminded myself a couple hours in, you know, the sport is sort of a microcosm of life itself. First of all, you're going to hit obstacles. And even though you're feeling great at any one moment, don't take it for granted, be ready, because there's going to be pain, there's going to be suffering. It's not going to feel this good all the way across. And I was thinking of the hypothermia and maybe some shoulder pain and all the other things -- the vomiting that comes from being in the saltwater. You're immersed in the liquid. Your body doesn't like the saltwater. After a couple of days, three days, you tend to rebel in a lot of physical ways.
當我跳入水中 我用我母親所說的法語大聲喊,勇氣! 當我開始游泳 噢,天哪,這跟玻璃似的 並且我們知道,在船上的50個人 都知道 大顯身手的時候來了 幾個小時內我不斷提醒自己 你知道,進行這種運動其實就是體驗一種小型的人生 首先,你將會遇到障礙 並且即使在你感覺良好的時候 也不要認為這是理所當然,要準備好 因為你即將承受痛苦和煎熬 事情不可能一帆風順 與此同時我想到了失溫現象 並且可能伴隨一些肩痛症狀 還有其他的那些- 在海水中可能會想要嘔吐 你被完完全全地浸入液體中 你的身體不喜歡海水 經過幾天,三天 你的身體 從各種身體機能方面都開始反抗
But no, two hours in, wham! Never in my life ... I knew there were Portuguese men o' war, all kinds of moon jellies, all kinds of things, but the box jellyfish from the southern oceans is not supposed to be in these waters. And I was on fire -- excruciating, excruciating pain. I don't know if you can still see the red line here and up the arm. Evidently, a piece this big of tentacle has a hundred-thousand little barbs on it and each barb is not just stinging your skin, it's sending a venom. The most venomous animal that lives in the ocean is the box jellyfish. And every one of those barbs is sending that venom into this central nervous system. So first I feel like boiling hot oil, I've been dipped in. And I'm yelling out, "Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Help me! Somebody help me!" And the next thing is paralysis. I feel it in the back and then I feel it in the chest up here, and I can't breathe. And now I'm not swimming with a nice long stroke, I'm sort of crabbing it this way. Then come convulsions.
但才剛剛過兩個小時 噢!一件從沒發生在我身上的事情發生了.... 我知道葡萄牙人肯定會懂 那些海月水母,那些東西都來蜇我 但是那些來自南方海域帶有劇毒的箱型水母 不應該出現在這裡 與此同時我的身體像著火一樣- 如此劇烈的疼痛 我不知道你是否還能看到 我手臂上的紅色傷口 很明顯,那些巨大的觸器的某一段曾蜇到我 觸器上面有成百上千的倒鉤 這些倒鉤不僅僅蜇你的皮膚 它還輸送毒汁 海裡最毒的生物 就是箱型水母 它觸器上的每一個倒鉤 都會輸送毒汁到人體的中央神經系統 所以一開始我感覺像在熱油裡沸騰一樣 渾身都劇烈的疼痛 於是我大喊,“好疼!好疼!” “救救我!有沒有人能救救我!” 接著我感覺身體痲痹了 剛開始是背部接著是前胸 我快要窒息了 現在我不再是以優雅的姿態游泳了 我有點像一只張牙舞爪的螃蟹 接踵而至的是猛烈的抽搐
A young man on our boat is an EMT. He dives in to try to help me. He's stung. They drag him out on the boat, and he's -- evidently, I didn't see any of this -- but lying on the boat and giving himself epinephrine shots and crying out. He's 29 years old, very well-built, lean, he's six-foot, five, weighs 265 lbs., and he is down. And he is crying and he's yelling to my trainer who's trying to help me. And he's saying, "Bonnie, I think I'm going to die. My breath is down to three breaths a minute. I need help, and I can't help Diana."
船上有一個年輕人是急診醫師,他跳下水企圖幫助我 但他也被蜇了 他們把他拖到船上 然後他-事實上當時我看不見這些-但他躺在船上 給自己打腎上腺素 並且大聲哭喊 他是一個29歲的青年 有一個好身材,精瘦,6.5英尺高 體重265磅 然而他倒下了 接著他哭著並且向我的訓練師大喊 而我的訓練師正忙著救我 他說,“邦尼,我覺得我快死了” “我的呼吸降至一分鐘三次” “我需要幫助,並且我不能救戴安娜了”
So that was at eight o'clock at night. The doctor, medical team from University of Miami arrived at five in the morning. So I swam through the night, and at dawn they got there and they started with prednisone shots. I didn't get out, but was in the water taking prednisone shots, taking Xanax, oxygen to the face. It was like an ICU unit in the water. (Laughter) And I guess the story is that even Navy SEALS who are stung by the box jelly, they're done. They either die or they quickly get to a hospital.
那時候是晚上8點 邁阿密大學的醫生和救護隊 早上5點才能到達 所以我游了一整晚 黎明的時候他們到了,給我打類固醇強體松 我上不了船 我在水中打強體松,服用贊安諾(精神用藥) 戴上氧氣罩 這就像是一個 水中的加護病房 (全場笑) 其實我覺得 即使是海軍陸戰隊隊員被箱型水母蜇過以後 可能都會一命嗚呼 他們不是死了就是被緊急送往醫院
And I swam through the night and I swam through the next day. And the next night at dusk, again, wham! The box jelly again -- all across the neck, all across here. And this time, I don't like it, I didn't want to give into it, but there's a difference between a non-stop swim and a staged swim. And I gave in to the staged swim. And they got me out and they started again with the epinephrine and the prednisone and with the oxygen and with everything they had on board. And I got back in. And I swam through that night and into the next day. And at 41 hours, this body couldn't make it. The devastation of those stings had taken the respiratory system down so that I couldn't make the progress I wanted. And the dream was crushed.
但我卻游了一整個晚上,還游了第二天一整天 然而在第二天黃昏的時候 水母又來了! 箱型水母再次- 蜇過我的脖子,我的皮膚 但是這一次 儘管我不喜歡,我想放棄了 但不停的游泳和階段性游泳 是有區別的 於是我進入了 階段性游泳 於是他們把我從水中拉上來並且再一次 給我用腎上腺素和強體松 並且給我氧氣以及所有他們在船上有的藥品 接著我再回到了水中 我從夜晚開始游並游到隔天 在第41個小時 這個身體已經堅持不住了 因為那些被蜇過的傷口 已經損害了我的呼吸系統 所以我再也無法前進 夢想被摧毀了
And how odd is this intelligent person who put this together and got all these world experts together. And I knew about the jellyfish, but I was sort of cavalier. A lot of athletes have this, you know, sort of invincibility. They should worry about me. I don't worry about them. I'll just swim right through them. We've got benadryl on board. If I get stung, I'll just grin and bear it. Well there was no grin and bearing this.
多有意思啊 我以為我這個聰明人把一切都準備好了 把這些世界級的專家集合在一起幫我 我也知道會有水母 但我也算是一個勇士吧 很多運動員都有的,你懂得 這種戰無不勝的精神 應該是水母怕我,而不是我怕他們 我會游過去,穿越他們 我們在船上有抗組織胺,如果我被蜇了,我會微笑並忍受著 當然事實上沒有微笑也無法忍受
As a matter of fact, the best advice I got was from an elementary school class in the Caribbean. And I was telling these kids, 120 of them -- they were all in the school on the gymnasium floor -- and I was telling them about the jellyfish and how they're gelatinous and you can't see them at night especially. And they have these long 30 to 40 to 50-ft. tentacles. And they do this wrapping. And they can send the poison into the system.
事實上,我從加勒比海 一個小學的課堂上 得到了最好的建議 當我告訴那120個孩子- 他們都坐在學校體育館的地板上- 我告訴他們有關水母的事 他們凝膠狀的身體 特別是晚上你看不清楚他們 並且他們有那些 長達30至40至50英尺的觸器 並且它們會纏住人 它們會往神經系統裡輸送毒素
And a little kid from the back was like this. And I said, "What's your name?" "Henry." "Henry, what's your question?" He said, "Well, I didn't have a question so much as I had a suggestion." He said, "You know those guys who really believe in what they believe in and so they wear bombs?" And I said, "Well it's odd that you've learned of this as a noble kind of pursuit, but yeah, I know those guys." He said, "That's what you need. You need like a school of fish that would swim in front of you like this." (Laughter) "And when the jellyfish come and they wrap their tentacles around the fish, they're going to be busy with them, and you'll just scoot around." I said, "Oh, it's like a suicide army." He said, "That's what I'm talking about. That's what you need."
一個後排的小孩子舉手 於是我說,“你叫甚麼名字?” “亨利” “亨利,你有甚麼問題?” 他說。“噢,我沒有甚麼問題” “但我有一個建議。” 他說,“你知道有些人 他們對他們相信的事堅信不已 他們甚至願意自殺式襲擊?” 於是我說,“好吧,很有意思你能瞭解這種 崇高的追求信念,但的確,我瞭解他們。” 他說,“這正是你所需要的。 你需要一群魚 就像這樣游在你的前面。” (全場笑) “當水母用它們的觸器纏住那些魚的時候, 它們太忙了沒時間管你, 你就可以趕緊逃走。” 我說,“噢這就像自殺式軍隊。” 他說,“這就是我想說的,也是你所需要的。”
And little did I know, that you should listen to eight year-olds. And so I started that swim in a bathing suit like normal, and, no joke, this is it; it came from the shark divers. I finished the swim like this. I was swimming with this thing on. That's how scared of the jellyfish I was.
但我知道一點 那就是你需要聆聽8歲小孩子的意見 於是我開始游泳 像平常一樣穿著泳衣 然後,不開玩笑,穿著這個;這來自鯊魚潛水員 我就這樣完成了游泳 我開始戴著這個東西游 這就是因為我多麼害怕水母
So now what do I do? I wouldn't mind if every one of you came up on this stage tonight and told us how you've gotten over the big disappointments of your lives. Because we've all had them, haven't we? We've all had a heartache. And so my journey now is to find some sort of grace in the face of this defeat. And I can look at the journey, not just the destination. I can feel proud. I can stand here in front of you tonight and say I was courageous. Yeah.
但現在我怎樣做? 我不再介意了 如果今晚有誰站在台上 訴說你如何從生活的不滿中恢復過來 因為我們都曾有過這種失望,不是麼? 我們都曾心痛過 所以現在我的旅程 是尋找一種 面對這些失敗的優雅 我可以注重旅程路途中的風景 而不僅僅是目的地 我感到很驕傲,今晚我可以站在這裡,站在你們面前 來訴說我是勇敢的 對
(Applause)
(掌聲)
Thank you.
謝謝
And with all sincerity, I can say, I am glad I lived those two years of my life that way, because my goal to not suffer regrets anymore, I got there with that goal. When you live that way, when you live with that kind of passion, there's no time, there's no time for regrets, you're just moving forward. And I want to live every day of the rest of my life that way, swim or no swim. But the difference in accepting this particular defeat is that sometimes, if cancer has won, if there's death and we have no choice, then grace and acceptance are necessary.
並且我可以真心實意地說 我很高興我能度過兩年那樣的生活 因為我的目標是不帶著對往事的悔恨生活 而我做到了 當你以一種充滿激情的方式生活著 你將會沒有時間去後悔 你只會往前走 我想以後的每天我都要以那種方式生活 無論游泳或不游泳 但是接受這個失敗 跟其他的區別 在於,有時候 如果癌症勝利了 如果我們即將面臨死亡,沒有選擇的餘地 優雅地接受它 是很必要的
But that ocean's still there. This hope is still alive. And I don't want to be the crazy woman who does it for years and years and years, and tries and fails and tries and fails and tries and fails, but I can swim from Cuba to Florida, and I will swim from Cuba to Florida.
但只要那片海還在那裡 希望就仍然存在 我不想成為瘋狂的女人 年復一年地嘗試 屢戰屢敗,屢敗屢戰 但我相信我可以從古巴游到佛羅里達 我也會從古巴游到佛羅里達
Thank you. Thank you.
謝謝 謝謝
(Applause)
(掌聲)
Thank you.
謝謝
(Applause)
(掌聲)
And so, what after that? Are you going to swim the Atlantic? No, that's the last swim. It's the only swim I'm interested in. But I'm ready. And by the way, a reporter called me the other day and he said he looked on Wikipedia and he said he saw my birthday was August 22nd 1949, and for some odd reason in Wikipedia, they had my death date too. (Laughter) He said, "Did you know you're going to die the same place you were born, New York City, and it's going to be in January of '35?" I said, "Nope. I didn't know." And now I'm going to live to 85. I have three more years than I thought.
所以之後怎樣? 想游過大西洋? 不,這是最後一次游泳了 是唯一一個我感興趣的游泳 但我準備好了 順便說,一個記者有一天找到我 他說他看到維基百科 他說他看到我的生日是1949年8月22日 但很奇怪 維基百科同時寫有我的死亡日期 (全場笑) 他說,“你知道你將死在你出生的地方,也就是紐約, 在1月35號的時候?” 我說,“不,我不知道。” 我要活到85歲 要比我想的多三年
And so I ask myself, I'm starting to ask myself now, even before this extreme dream gets achieved for me, I'm asking myself, and maybe I can ask you tonight too, to paraphrase the poet Mary Oliver, she says, "So what is it, what is it you're doing, with this one wild and precious life of yours?"
所以我問自己 所以我從現在開始問我自己 甚至在實現這個 極致的夢想之前 我在問我自己 也許我也可以在今夜問你們同一個問題 來闡釋詩人 瑪麗歐利佛的詩句 她說,“所以 你將怎麼做 度過你狂野又寶貴的一生?“
Thank you very much.
十分感謝
(Applause)
(全場鼓掌)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
感謝大家 感謝大家
(Applause) Live it large. Live it large.
(全場鼓掌) 活的豐盛,活的壯麗