Everyone, please think of your biggest personal goal. For real -- you can take a second. You've got to feel this to learn it. Take a few seconds and think of your personal biggest goal, okay? Imagine deciding right now that you're going to do it. Imagine telling someone that you meet today what you're going to do. Imagine their congratulations, and their high image of you. Doesn't it feel good to say it out loud? Don't you feel one step closer already, like it's already becoming part of your identity?
Te gjithe, ju lutem mendoni njeren nga qellimet tuaja personale. Ne te vertete- merreni nje sekond. Duhet ta ndjeni qe te mesoni. Për disa sekonda mendoni për synimin tuaj më të madh personal, në rregull? Imagjoni se keni vendosur se do e beni ate. Imagjino sikur do i tregosh dikujt qe takove sot se qfare do te besh. Imagjino urimet e tyre dhe mendimin e larte per ty. A nuk ju ben te ndjeheni mire kur ta thuash me ze te larte? A nuk ndjeheni nje hap prane synimit tuaj, sikur ka filluar te behet pjese e identitetit tuaj?
Well, bad news: you should have kept your mouth shut, because that good feeling now will make you less likely to do it. The repeated psychology tests have proven that telling someone your goal makes it less likely to happen. Any time you have a goal, there are some steps that need to be done, some work that needs to be done in order to achieve it. Ideally you would not be satisfied until you'd actually done the work. But when you tell someone your goal and they acknowledge it, psychologists have found that it's called a "social reality." The mind is kind of tricked into feeling that it's already done. And then because you've felt that satisfaction, you're less motivated to do the actual hard work necessary.
E pra, nje lajm i keq: duhej ta kishe mbyllur gojen, sepse ajo ndjenje e mire tani ju jep me pak gjasa per ta arritur ate. Teste te nje pasnjeshme psikologjike kan treguar qe ti tregosh dikujt per qellimin tend e ben me pak te rendeshishme qe te ndodh. Qdo here ke nje qellim, jane disa hapa qe duhen bere, dhe nje pune qe duhet bere gjithashtu ne menyre qe te arrihet ky qellim. Idealisht, nuk do ishe i kenaqur deri sa ta kesh bere punen. Por kur i tregon ndokujt per qellimin tend dhe ata e miratojne ate, psikologet kane konstatuar se thirret ''realiteti social'' Ne nje fare menyre mendja mashtrohet me ndjenjen se tashme e keni bere. Dhe pastaj, ti e ndjen vete kenaqesin ndjeheni me pak te motivuar per ta bere
(Laughter)
punen e veshtire akutale.
So this goes against conventional wisdom that we should tell our friends our goals, right? So they hold us to it.
Pra, kjo bie ndesh me ate qe besojme qe ne duhet tu tregojm shokeve tone qellimet tona, apo jo... dhe keshtu ata na mbajne me kete.
So, let's look at the proof. 1926: Kurt Lewin, founder of social psychology, called this "substitution." 1933: Wera Mahler found when it was acknowledged by others, it felt real in the mind. 1982, Peter Gollwitzer wrote a whole book about this, and in 2009, he did some new tests that were published.
Pra, le te shikojm kete fakt. 1926, Kurt Lewin, themelues i psikologjise sociale, e titulluar ''zevendesimi.'' 1933, Vera Mahler mbeshteti ate qe ishte vertetuar nga te tjeret, ndjehet jeta reale ne mendje. Ne 1982, Peter Gollwitzer shkroi nje liber te tere rreth kesaj, dhe ne 2009, ai beri disa analiza te reja qe u botuan.
It goes like this: 163 people across four separate tests. Everyone wrote down their personal goal. Then half of them announced their commitment to this goal to the room, and half didn't. Then everyone was given 45 minutes of work that would directly lead them towards their goal, but they were told that they could stop at any time. Now, those who kept their mouths shut worked the entire 45 minutes on average, and when asked afterward, said that they felt that they had a long way to go still to achieve their goal. But those who had announced it quit after only 33 minutes, on average, and when asked afterward, said that they felt much closer to achieving their goal.
Fillon si kjo : 163 njerez rreth kater teste te ndara- cdo njeri shkroi qellimet e tyre personale. Gjysma e tyre u tregoi se cili ishte qellimi i tyre, dhe gjysma jo Pastaj, cdo njerit iu dhane nga 45 minuta per te punuar gje qe do i shpinte ata drejt qellimit te tyre, por atyre iu ishte thene qe mund te perfunonin ne cdo kohe. Tani, ata qe heshten punuan gjate gjithe 45 minutave dhe kur më pas u pyetën, thane qe ata ndjenin nje rruge te gjate per te arritur qellimin. Por ata qe lajmeruan kete hoqen dore vetem pas 33 minutave, dhe kur u pyeten me pas, thane se ndjeheshin shume prane arritjes se qellimit te tyre.
So if this is true, what can we do? Well, you could resist the temptation to announce your goal. You can delay the gratification that the social acknowledgment brings, and you can understand that your mind mistakes the talking for the doing. But if you do need to talk about something, you can state it in a way that gives you no satisfaction, such as, "I really want to run this marathon, so I need to train five times a week and kick my ass if I don't, okay?"
Pra, nese kjo do ishte e vertet, cfare mund te bejme? Ju mund t'i rezistoni tundimit për t’i treguar synimet tuaja. Mund ta vononi kënaqësinë që ju sjell miratimi nga të tjerët. Dhe ju mund ta kuptoni se mendja gabon mes të folurit dhe të vepruarit. Por nëse keni nevojë të flisni për diçka, atëherë duhet ta thoni në një mënyrë që nuk u jep asnjë kënaqësi, si p.sh., "Me të vërtetë dua të vrapoj në këtë maratonë, prandaj duhet trajnuar pesë herë në javë, dhe ta dënoj veten nëse nuk e bëj këtë."
So audience, next time you're tempted to tell someone your goal, what will you say?
Pra, herën tjetër kur tundoheni t’i tregoni dikujt për synimet tuaja, çfarë do të thoni?
(Silence)
Ashtu. Shumë mirë.
Exactly! Well done.
(Laughter)
(Applause)
(Duartrokitje)