So I've been thinking about the difference between the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the ones you put on your résumé, which are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that get mentioned in the eulogy, which are deeper: who are you, in your depth, what is the nature of your relationships, are you bold, loving, dependable, consistency? And most of us, including me, would say that the eulogy virtues are the more important of the virtues. But at least in my case, are they the ones that I think about the most? And the answer is no.
Kam menduar per dallimin ndermjet virtyteve te rezymes dhe virtyteve te eulogjise. Virtytet e rezymes jane ato te cilat ju i vendosni ne nje rezyme, te cilat jane aftesite qe ju sillni ne treg. Virtytet e eulogjise jane ato qe permenden ne nje eulogji, te cilat jane me te thella: kush jeni ju, ne thellesine tuaj, cila eshte natyra e marredhenies tuaj, a jeni guximtar, i dashur, i besueshem, i qendrueshem? Dhe shume nga ne, duke me perfshire edhe mua, do te thonin se virtytet e eulogjise jane vitytet me te rendesishme. Por te pakten ne rastin tim, a jane ato per te cilat mendoj me shume? Dhe pergjigja eshte jo.
So I've been thinking about that problem, and a thinker who has helped me think about it is a guy named Joseph Soloveitchik, who was a rabbi who wrote a book called "The Lonely Man Of Faith" in 1965. Soloveitchik said there are two sides of our natures, which he called Adam I and Adam II. Adam I is the worldly, ambitious, external side of our nature. He wants to build, create, create companies, create innovation. Adam II is the humble side of our nature. Adam II wants not only to do good but to be good, to live in a way internally that honors God, creation and our possibilities. Adam I wants to conquer the world. Adam II wants to hear a calling and obey the world. Adam I savors accomplishment. Adam II savors inner consistency and strength. Adam I asks how things work. Adam II asks why we're here. Adam I's motto is "success." Adam II's motto is "love, redemption and return."
Pra isha duke menduar per kete problem, dhe nje mendimtar qe me ka ndihmuar te mendoj per kete gje eshte nje djale i quajtur Joseph Soloveitchik, i cili ishte nje rabin dhe ka shkruar nje liber te titulluar "Njeriu i vetmuar i besimit" ne 1965. Soloveitchik ne kete liber ka thene se jane dy ane te natyres sone, te cilat ai i ka quajtur Adam I dhe Adam II. Adam I eshte materialist, ambicioz, ana e jashtme e natyres tone. Ai deshiron te ndertoje, te krijoje kompani, te krijoje risi. Adam II eshte pjesa modeste e natyres sone. Adam II deshiron jo vetem te beje mire por te jete i mire, te jetoje ne nje menyre qe nderon Perendine, krijesat dhe mundesite tona. Adam I deshiron te pushtoje boten. Adam II deshiron te degjoj nje thirrje dhe ti bindet botes. Adam I i shijon arritjet. Adam II shijon qendrueshmerine e brendshme dhe forcen. Adam I pyet sesi funksionojne gjerat. Adam II pyet pse jemi ketu. Motoja e Adam I eshte "suksesi" Motoja e Adam II eshte 'dashuria, rimesherim dhe kthimi."
And Soloveitchik argued that these two sides of our nature are at war with each other. We live in perpetual self-confrontation between the external success and the internal value. And the tricky thing, I'd say, about these two sides of our nature is they work by different logics. The external logic is an economic logic: input leads to output, risk leads to reward. The internal side of our nature is a moral logic and often an inverse logic. You have to give to receive. You have to surrender to something outside yourself to gain strength within yourself. You have to conquer the desire to get what you want. In order to fulfill yourself, you have to forget yourself. In order to find yourself, you have to lose yourself.
Dhe Soloveitchik argumenton se keto dy ane te natyres tone jane ne lufte me njera-tjetren. Ne jetojme ne nje vete-ballafaqim te vazhdueshem ndermjet suksesit te jashtem dhe vleres se brendshme. Dhe gjeja e nderlikuar per keto dy ane ane te natyres tone eshte se punojne nga logjika te ndryshme. Logjika e jashtme eshte nje logjike ekonomike: te dhenat sjellin rezultate, rreziku sjell shperblim. Ana e brendshme e natyres tone eshte nje logjike morale dhe shpesh nje logjike e anasjellte. Duhet te japesh qe te marresh. Duhet ti dorezoheni dickaje jashte vetes per te fituar force brenda vetes tuaj. Ju duhet te pushtoni deshiren qe te arrini ate qe doni. Ne menyre qe te plotesoni veten tuaj, ju duhet te harroni veten tuaj. Ne menyre qe te gjeni veten tuaj, ju duhet ta humbisni ate.
We happen to live in a society that favors Adam I, and often neglects Adam II. And the problem is, that turns you into a shrewd animal who treats life as a game, and you become a cold, calculating creature who slips into a sort of mediocrity where you realize there's a difference between your desired self and your actual self. You're not earning the sort of eulogy you want, you hope someone will give to you. You don't have the depth of conviction. You don't have an emotional sonorousness. You don't have commitment to tasks that would take more than a lifetime to commit.
Ndodh qe ne jetojme ne nje shoqeri qe favorizon Adam I, dhe shpesh e neglizhon Adam II. Dhe problemi eshte se, ju ktheheni ne nje kafshe te mprehte e cila e trajton jeten si nje loje, dhe ju beheni nje krijese e ftohte dhe llogaritese që rreshket ne nje lloj mediokriteti ku ti e kupton se ka një dallim ndermjet unit tend te deshiruar dhe unit tend te tanishem. Ju nuk jeni duke fituar eulogjine qe deshironi, qe shpresoni qe dikush do te mbaje per ju. Ju nuk keni bindjen e thelle. Ju nuk keni nje emocion kumbues. Ju nuk keni perkushtimin ndaj detyrave qe duan perkushtim gjate nje jete te tere.
I was reminded of a common response through history of how you build a solid Adam II, how you build a depth of character. Through history, people have gone back into their own pasts, sometimes to a precious time in their life, to their childhood, and often, the mind gravitates in the past to a moment of shame, some sin committed, some act of selfishness, an act of omission, of shallowness, the sin of anger, the sin of self-pity, trying to be a people-pleaser, a lack of courage. Adam I is built by building on your strengths. Adam II is built by fighting your weaknesses. You go into yourself, you find the sin which you've committed over and again through your life, your signature sin out of which the others emerge, and you fight that sin and you wrestle with that sin, and out of that wrestling, that suffering, then a depth of character is constructed. And we're often not taught to recognize the sin in ourselves, in that we're not taught in this culture how to wrestle with it, how to confront it, and how to combat it. We live in a culture with an Adam I mentality where we're inarticulate about Adam II.
M'u kujtua nje pergjigje e zakonshme pergjate historise sesi te formoni nje Adam II te forte, si te formoni nje karakter te thelle. Permes historise, njerezit jane kthyer pas ne te shkuaren e tyre, ndonjehere ne nje kohe te cmuar te jetes se tyre, te femijerise se tyre, dhe shpesh, mendja vertitet ne te kaluaren, ne nje moment te turpshem, disa mekate qe jane kryer, disa fakte egoiste, ne një akt te mosveprimit, te cektësisë, mëkate zemërimi, mëkate te vetëkeqardhjes, duke u perpjekur kenaqni te tjeret, nje mungese guximi. Adam I eshte i ndertuar mbi fuqite tuaja. Adam II eshte i ndertuar duke luftuar dobesite tuaja. Kerkoni ne veten tuaj, e gjeni mekatin te cilin e keni kryer perseri dhe perseri gjate jetes suaj, mekatin qe ka lene shenje nga i cili burojne te tjeret, dhe ju e luftoni ate mekat dhe ju e mundni ate mekat dhe nga ajo mundje luftim, nga ajo vuajtje, nje karakter i forte eshte krijuar. Ne shpesh ne nuk jemi te mesuar te njohim mekatin ne veten tone, dhe ne kulturen tone ne nuk na kane mesuar sesi te luftojme me te, sesi te perballemi me te dhe sesi ta kundershtojme ate. Ne jetojme në nje kulture me nje mentalitet Adam I ku ne jemi te paqarte ne lidhje me Adam II.
Finally, Reinhold Niebuhr summed up the confrontation, the fully lived Adam I and Adam II life, this way: "Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore we must be saved by hope. Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we must be saved by love. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own standpoint. Therefore we must be saved by that final form of love, which is forgiveness.”
Se fundmi, Reinhold Niebuhr permblodhi perballjen, jeten e Adam I dhe Adam II, ne kete menyre: "Asgje qe ja vlen te realizohet nuk mund te arrihet ne jeten tone; per kete arsye ne duhet te shpetohemi nga shpresa. Asgje qe eshte e vertete apo e bukur ose e bere mire ka kuptim te plote dhe te menjehershem ne nje kontekst : per kete arsye ne duhet te shpetohemi nga besimi. Asgje qe ne bejme, sado e vitytshme te jete, mund te arrihet vetem; per kete arsye ne duhet te shpetohemi nga dashuria. Asnje akt i virtytshem nuk eshte dhe aq i virtytshem nga pikepamja e miqve tane apo e armikut, apo nga pikepamja jone. Prandaj ne duhet te shpetohemi nga forma perfundimtare e dashurise, e cila eshte falja."
Thanks.
Falemnderit.
(Applause)
(Duartrokitje)