I had about five minutes before I was set to deliver a talk to a bunch of business owners about visibility and being on camera. After all, I was the so-called expert there, the former 20-year television news anchor and life and business coach. I happened to take a look down at my cell phone just to catch the time, and I noticed that I had a missed call from my ex-husband. I can still hear his voice. "Darieth, what is going on? I just got a call from some strange man who told me to go to this website, and now I'm looking at all of these photos of you naked. Your private parts are all over this website. Who's seen this?"
在我开始跟一群商业 老板宣讲关于 视角和在镜头的情况前, 我有大约5分钟的时间。 毕竟,我是所谓的专家, 曾是20年电视新闻的主播员 以及生活和商业指导。 为了不错过时间,我偶尔 会低下头看一下手机, 接着我发现了我前夫的未接电话。 我现在仍然能听到他的声音。 “达连,最近怎么样? 我刚接到一个陌生人的电话, 他让我去看这个网站 现在我在看所有这些 你的裸体照片。 整个网页上都是你的隐私部位。 谁还看过?”
I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I was so humiliated and so embarrassed and so ashamed. I felt like my world was coming to an end. And yet, this began for me months of pain and depression and anger and confusion and silence. My manipulative, jealous, stalker ex-boyfriend did exactly what he said he would do: he put up a website with my name on it, and he posted this. And this. And several explicit photos that he had taken of me while I was asleep, living with him in Jamaica. For months prior to that, he had been sending me threatening text messages like this. He was trying to make me out to be some sleazy, low-life slut. He had even threatened to kill me. He told me that he would shoot me in my head and stab me in my heart, simply because I wanted to end the controlling relationship. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I didn't even know what to call it.
我不能思考。我不能呼吸。 我觉得很丢脸 非常尴尬,非常羞愧。 我感受到了末日的来临。 然而,这一切仅仅是 几个月痛苦和沮丧的开始 同时还有愤怒,困惑和沉寂。 我那专制,嫉妒, 跟踪狂前男友 照他之前威胁我的做了: 他建了一个网站, 上面有我的名字, 他发布了这个。 还有这个。 还有先前我们 一起住在牙买加, 他趁我熟睡时 偷拍的露骨照片。 在那件事发生的几个月前, 他已经给我发送 这样的威胁短信了。 他试图把我塑造成这样—— 一个卑鄙下流的荡妇。 他甚至威胁要杀了我。 他警告会枪击我的头部, 并刺进我的心, 只是因为我想结束 被他控制的关系。 我不敢相信这会发生在我身上。 我甚至不知道怎么称呼这件事。
You might know it as cyberharassment or cyberbullying. The media calls it "revenge porn." I now call it "digital domestic violence." It typically stems from a relationship gone bad, where a controlling, jilted ex-lover can't handle rejection, so when they can't physically put their hands on you, they use different weapons: cell phones and laptops. The ammunition? Photos, videos, explicit information, content -- all posted online, without your consent. I mean, let's face it -- we all live our lives online. And the internet is a really small world. We show off our baby photos, we start and grow our businesses, we make new relationships, we let the world in, one Facebook like at a time. And you know what I found? An even smaller world.
你可能知道网络欺辱, 或者网络欺凌。 媒体称之为“色情报复”。 我现在称之为“网络家庭暴力”。 它通常源于一段变坏了的感情, 被抛弃的前情人 无法接受被拒绝, 所以当他们不能把手 放在你身上时, 他们选择使用不同的武器: 手机和笔记本电脑。 弹药武器呢? 照片,视频,露骨信息, 露骨内容——未经允许, 全部发布在网上。 我是说,让我们面对现实吧 我们都在网上生活。 互联网是一个非常小的世界。 我们炫耀我们的婴儿照片, 我们创立并发展我们的 业务,建立新的关系, 我们让世界进入, 一次一个脸书。 你知道我发现了什么吗? 一个更小的世界。
One in 25 women say they have been impacted by revenge porn. For women under the age of 30, that number looks like one in 10. And that leaves a few of you in this audience as potential victims. You want to know what's even more alarming? Lack of legislation and laws to adequately protect victims and punish perpetrators. There's only one federal bill pending; it's called the ENOUGH Act, by Senator Kamala Harris. It would criminalize revenge porn. But that could take years to pass. So what are we left with in the meantime? Flimsy civil misdemeanors.
4%的女性表示他们受到了 色情报复的影响。 对于30岁以下的妇女, 这个数字似乎是10%。 剩下一些人作为潜在的受害者。 但你知道更令人担忧的是什么? 我们缺乏条款和法律充分保护受害者 和惩罚罪犯。 只有一条悬而未决的联邦法案; 它被称为 “够了(ENOUGH)法案”, 由参议员卡玛拉·哈里斯提出。 它将色情报复定为犯罪。 但它可能需要数年时间才会通过。 除此之外还剩下什么呢? 微不足道的民事处罚。
Currently, only 40 states and DC have some laws in place for revenge porn. And those penalties vary -- we're talking $500 fines. Five hundred dollars? Are you kidding me? Women are losing their jobs. They're suffering from damaged relationships and damaged reputations. They're falling into illness and depression. And the suicide rates are climbing. You're looking at a woman who spent 11 months in court, thirteen trips to the courthouse and thousands of dollars in legal fees, just to get two things: a protection from cyberstalking and cyberabuse, otherwise known as a PFA, and language from a judge that would force a third-party internet company to remove the content. It's expensive, complicated and confusing. And worse, legal loopholes and jurisdictional issues drag this out for months, while my private parts were on display for months. How would you feel if your naked body was exposed for the world to see, and you waited helplessly for the content to be removed?
目前,只有40个州和华盛顿特区 制定了一些针对色情报复的法律。 这些惩罚还不是固定的—— 通常只是500美元的罚款。 500美元?!! 你在跟我开玩笑吧? 女性正在失去工作。 她们忍受着残缺的关系和 受损的名誉所带来的痛苦。 她们饱受疾病和抑郁的折磨。 自杀率也不断攀升。 试想一位在法庭上 待了11个月, 去了13次法院, 以及将几千美元花在 法律费用的女性。 只为实现两件事: 为防止网络跟踪和网络暴力, 简称为PFA, 还有法官的宣判 强制第三方网站公司 删除有关内容。 这种经历是昂贵,复杂和令人困惑的。 更糟糕的是,法律漏洞 以及司法问题 导致了这个问题出现了几个月 我的私处就被展出了几个月。 当站在世界的舞台,如果你赤身裸体, 你会有什么感觉? 你会不会无助地等待, 想要要删除内容?
Eventually, I stumbled upon a private company to issue a DMCA notice to shut the website down. DMCA -- Digital Millennium Copyright Act. It's a law that regulates digital material and content. Broadly, the aim of the DMCA is to protect both copyright owners and consumers. So get this: people who take and share nude photos own the rights to those selfies, so they should be able to issue a DMCA to have the content removed.
后来,我偶然间发现了一家私人公司 可以根据DMCA条约关闭那个网站。 DMCA——数字千年版权法。 这是一项管控网络 材料与内容的法律。 一般来说,DMCA目的是保护 版权所有者和消费者。 所以留意我说的: 拍摄和分享裸照的人 拥有这些相片的权利, 他们理论上可以执行 DMCA条款,删除内容。
But not so fast -- because the other fight we're dealing with is noncompliant and nonresponsive third-party internet companies. And oh -- by the way, even in consenting relationships, just because you get a nude photo or a naked pic, does not give you the right to share it, even [without] the intent to do harm.
但没这么简单—— 因为我们还要处理另一场 与不合规、拒绝回应的 第三方互联网公司的斗争。 哦,顺便说一下, 即使在两厢情愿的关系中, 因为你得到一张裸照, 并不代表你有权利分享它, 即使你没想伤害谁。
Back to my case, which happens to be further complicated because he was stalking and harassing me from another country, making it nearly impossible to get help here. But wait a minute -- isn't the internet international? Shouldn't we have some sort of policy in place that broadly protects us, regardless to borders or restrictions? I just couldn’t give up; I had to keep fighting. So I willingly, on three occasions, allowed for the invasion of both my cell phone and my laptop by the Department of Homeland Security and the Jamaican Embassy for thorough forensic investigation, because I had maintained all of the evidence. I painstakingly shared my private parts with the all-male investigative team. And it was an embarrassing, humiliating additional hoop to jump through.
回到我的例子上, 我这个情况更复杂, 因为他在另一个国家 跟踪我,骚扰我, 使得我几乎不可能在当地寻求帮助。 但是等一下,这不是 国际互联网的事吗? 难道我们不应该制定某种 通用保护的政策吗? 无论边界与限制。 我无法放弃; 我将继续战斗。 所以我默许了,有三次, 当我的手机和笔记本电脑 被国土安全局,还有牙买加大使馆 进行彻底的法庭调查时, 因为我保存了所有的证据。 我艰难地与全为男性的调查团队 “共享”我的隐私部位。 这是一种尴尬, 羞辱,不必要的经历。
But then something happened. Jamaican authorities actually arrested him. He's now facing charges under their malicious communications act, and if found guilty, could face thousands of dollars in fines and up to 10 years in prison. And I've also learned that my case is making history -- it is the first international case under this new crime. Wow, finally some justice.
但后来发生了一些事情。 牙买加当局逮捕了他。 他现在面临着《恶意通信法案》的指控, 如果罪名成立,他可能 会面临数千美元的罚款 以及十年的牢狱之灾。 我也了解到, 我的案例创造了历史—— 这是第一个关于这类 新罪行的国际案例。 哇,正义的审判终于到来。
But this got me to thinking. Nobody deserves this. Nobody deserves this level of humiliation and having to jump through all of these hoops. Our cyber civil rights are at stake. Here in the United States, we need to have clear, tough enforcement; we need to demand the accountability and responsiveness from online companies; we need to promote social responsibilities for posting, sharing and texting; and we need to restore dignity to victims.
但这引发了我的深思。 没有人应该受到这种行为。 没有人应该忍受 这样一级的羞辱 以及不得不经历 所有这些折腾。 我们的网络公民权利岌岌可危。 在美国,我们需要明确、强硬的执法; 我们需要问责制 以及来自网络公司的回应; 我们需要促进社会责任 用于发帖、分享和发短信; 我们需要恢复受害者的尊严。
And what about victims who neither have the time, money or resources to wage war, who are left disempowered, mislabeled and broken? Two things: release the shame and end the silence. Shame is at the core of all of this. And for every silent prisoner of shame, it's the fear of judgment that's holding you hostage. And the price to pay is the stripping away of your self-worth.
那么受害者呢? 谁也没有发动战争的 时间,金钱或资源, 他们被剥夺了权利, 错误的认知,以及被伤害。 还有两件事: 摆脱羞耻,打破沉默。 羞耻是这一切的核心。 对于每一个沉默的耻辱囚犯, 是恐惧束缚你, 将你囚如人质 以及付出的代价是 自我价值的剥离。
The day I ended my silence, I freed myself from shame. And I freed myself from the fear of judgment from the one person who I thought would judge me the most -- my son, who actually told me, "Mom, you are the strongest person that I know. You can get through this. And besides, mom -- he chose the wrong woman to mess with."
当我打破沉默的那一天, 我从羞愧中解脱出来。 我把自己从被批判的恐惧牢笼中挣脱出来 从我最担心会评价误解我的人那里—— 我的儿子, 他告诉我, “妈,你是我认识的最勇敢的人。 你可以的。 除此之外,妈,他惹错人了。“
(Laughter)
(笑声)
(Applause)
(鼓掌)
It was on that day that I decided to use my platform and my story and my voice. And to get started, I asked myself this one simple question: Who do I need to become now? That question, in the face of everything that I was challenged with, transformed my life and had me thinking about all kinds of possibilities.
在那天,我决定使用我的平台 我的故事和我的嗓音。 为了开始,我问自己 一个简单的问题: 我现在需要成为什么样的人? 面对所有的挑战, 它们改变了我的人生,使我全面思考。
I now own my story, I speak my truth, and I'm narrating a new chapter in my life. It's called "50 Shades of Silence." It's a global social justice project, and we're working to film an upcoming documentary to give voice and dignity to victims.
我现在拥有我的故事, 我说出我的真相, 我正在叙述我人生的新篇章。 它叫做 “沉默的50道阴影” 这是一个全球性的 社会正义项目, 我们正在拍摄一个 快要上映的的纪录片 通过它来激励受害者, 重塑她们的尊严。
If you are a victim or you know someone who is, know this: in order to be empowered, you have to take care of yourself, and you have to love yourself. You have to turn your anger into action, your pain into power and your setback into a setup for what's next for your life. This is a process, and it's a journey of self-discovery that might include forgiveness. But it definitely requires bravery, confidence and conviction. I call it: finding your everyday courage.
如果你是受害者,或者你知道有人是 记住这一点: 为了变强,你必须照顾好自己, 你也必须做到自爱。 你必须把愤怒转化为行动, 转化为力量 还有战胜挫折,直面人生。 这是一个自我发现的过程, 也是一个旅程。 其中充斥着宽恕。 但这确实需要勇气, 信心和信念。 我称它为: 找到你每天的勇气。
Thank you.
谢谢。
(Applause)
(掌声,呐喊)