A leader is steady, firm, decisive, unwavering. Never let 'em see you sweat, always have an answer.
Vođa je stabilan, čvrst, odlučan, nepokolebljiv. Ne dozvoli da vide da se preznojavaš, uvijek imaj odgovor.
[The Way We Work]
[Način na koji radimo]
My name is Dan, I'm a partner at a global creative consultancy. But there's another side to me: Carrie Dragshaw, the character I created on Instagram. As I thought about my double life, I couldn't help but wonder ... When your true self is a little nontraditional, how much of it can you really bring to the office? For some of us is authenticity off-limits?
Zovem se Dan i partner sam u globalnoj tvrtci za kreativno savjetovanje. Ali postoji i moja druga strana: Carrie Dragshaw, lik kojeg sam stvorio na Instagramu. Razmišljajući o svom dvostrukom životu, morao sam se zapitati ... Kada je tvoje pravo ja pomalo netradicionalno, koliki dio sebe možeš zaista prenijeti u ured? Je li za neke od nas autentičnost izvan dosega?
For the first 10 years of my career, I thought there was one way to be a leader: decisive and serious. But that's not me. So I'd put on basically office drag to fit the role: I'd talk in a deeper voice, try to hold in my hand motions. I'm someone who gets really excited about things, so I'd temper that. I had this little voice in my head, telling me, "You're too gay, too feminine, too flamboyant." I had one well-intentioned adviser who said, "Everyone knows you're gay. And that's great. But you don't need to beat them over the head with it."
Prvih 10 godina svoje karijere mislio sam da je samo jedan način da se bude vođa: odlučan i ozbiljan. Ali to nisam ja. Zato sam u uredu bio drugačija osoba kako bi se uklopio u ulogu: govorio bih dubljim glasom i pokušavao smanjiti pokrete ruku. Ja sam netko tko se jako uzbudi zbog raznih stvari, pa bih to ublažio. Imao sam glasić u glavi koji mi je govorio: „Previše si gay, previše ženstven, previše upadljiv.“ Jedna dobronamjerna savjetnica mi je rekla: „Svi znaju da si gay i to je super. Ali ne moraš im to gurati pod nos.“
Cut to: me in a tutu, for Halloween 2016. I dressed up as my favorite TV show character, Carrie Bradshaw, thinking my friends would get a kick out of it. And then, things got crazy. The post went viral, and at first it was pure fun. I started getting these incredible messages from people about how happy it made them, how it encouraged them to be their authentic selves. And I started to think, maybe this is the time to tell that little voice in my head to just shut up and let myself be me. But then things got a little too big.
Premotajmo film na mene u suknjici na Noć vještica 2016. godine. Obukao sam se kao moj omiljeni lik iz TV serije, Carrie Bradshaw, misleći da će se moji prijatelji oduševiti. A onda je krenulo. Objava je postala viralna i prvo je to bila čista zabava. Počeo sam dobivati nevjerojatne poruke od ljudi o tome koliko ih je to usrećilo, kako ih je potaklo da i sami postanu autentični. Počeo sam razmišljati kako je možda vrijeme da kažem tom glasiću u glavi da jednostavno zašuti i pusti me da budem svoj. A onda su stvari poprimile prevelike dimenzije.
Carrie Dragshaw was everywhere -- In the "New York Post", "US Weekly" -- and I got terrified: "What would my bosses think? Would my coworkers still respect me as a leader? What would my clients think?" I thought I was going to have to get a different job. But then, something happened, something small. I got a text from my boss, it wasn't long, it just said, "Wow, Cosmo!" With a link to an article that had just gone up about me. And it let me put that little, scared voice away and just be excited about this whole new world, rather than freaked out.
Carrie Dragshaw je bila posvuda - u "New York Postu", "US Weeklyju" - i bio sam prestravljen: „Što će pomisliti moji šefovi? Hoće li me kolege i dalje poštivati kao vođu? Što će moji klijenti pomisliti?“ Pomislio sam da ću morati naći drugi posao. Ali zatim se nešto dogodilo, jedna sitnica. Dobio sam kratku poruku od šefa, samo je pisalo: „Opa, Cosmopolitan!“ S linkom na članak o meni koji je upravo bio objavljen. Zbog toga sam taj uplašeni glasić stavio na stranu i jednostavno bio oduševljen ovim novim svijetom, umjesto da budem izbezumljen.
That's the power of one person, sometimes all it takes is one ally to make you feel comfortable. And my coworkers started acting differently. They became more open, more playful with me, it was as if knowing this other side of me gave them permission to be more of themselves as well. I thought that openness and vulnerability would actually decrease my standing with my team. But it's done the opposite.
To je moć jedne osobe. Ponekad je potreban samo jedan saveznik da biste se osjećali ugodno. Moji kolege su počeli drugačije se ponašati. Postali su otvoreniji, razigraniji sa mnom, kao da im je to što su znali tu moju drugu stranu, dozvolilo da i sami budu više svoji. Mislio sam da će otvorenost i ranjivost zapravo umanjiti moj ugled u timu. No, dogodilo se suprotno.
Two years in, I never could have imagined that this part of me would not just be embraced, but could actually help my career. Now, I'm lucky. I work in New York City, in an office where creativity is valued and I was already pretty established in my career when all of this started. Maybe that's you, maybe it isn't. But all of this has taught me so much about just the importance of bringing your whole self to work. And it's really challenged my own misperceptions about what it takes to be successful.
Nakon dvije godine na poslu nisam mogao zamisliti da će ovaj dio mene ne samo biti prihvaćen, već da će zaista pomoći mojoj karijeri. Imam sreće. Radim u New Yorku, na radnom mjestu gdje se cijeni kreativnost i već sam bio dovoljno uhodan u karijeri kada je sve to počelo. Možda se možete tu pronaći, a možda ne. Ali sve ovo me je toliko naučilo o važnosti unošenja cijelog sebe u poslu. To je zaista dovelo u pitanje moja pogrešna shvaćanja toga što je potrebno za uspjeh.
There's no one kind of way to be a leader. It's about finding your strengths and finding ways to amplify them. Before, if a meeting was hard, I'd put on my perfect leader mask. Now, I can say, "Gosh, that was frustrating." We can talk about challenges and struggles in an open way, rather than everybody pretending that they're fine until it's too late. Concealing an identity takes work. Think of all the wasted energy spent pretending, wishing you were someone different. What's most interesting to me, though, is that in this big study of covering, 93 percent of those who say they're doing it also believe their organization values inclusion. So clearly, our workplaces and all of our strange inner voices have a long way to go on acceptance.
Ne postoji jedinstven način da se bude vođa. Trebate otkriti svoje jake strane i pronaći načine da ih uvećate. Prije, ako bi sastanak postao naporan, stavio bih svoju savršenu masku vođe. Sada mogu reći: „Ovo je stvarno bilo mučno.“ Možemo otvoreno razgovarati o problemima i onome što nas muči, umjesto da se svi pretvaraju da su u redu dok ne bude kasno. Skrivanje identiteta iziskuje napor. Pomislite na svu tu energiju potrošenu na pretvaranje, u želji da ste netko drugi. Ali najzanimljivije mi je što u jednoj velikoj studiji o sakrivanju, 93% onih koji kažu da to rade, vjeruje i da njihova organizacija cijeni uključenost. Dakle, jasno je da naša radna mjesta i svi naši čudni unutrašnji glasovi tek trebaju prijeći dug put do prihvaćanja.
There's a big difference between adapting and disguising. And I think I learned that a little late. Personally, I'm taking all of this as a call to be the ally who, like my boss did for me, lets people know that it's OK to open up. If you're gay, or proud of your ethnic background, or have a disability or are deeply religious, see what it's like being your full self at work. You might be pleasantly surprised.
Postoji velika razlika između prilagođavanja i prikrivanja. Mislim da sam to pomalo kasno spoznao. Ja osobno sve ovo shvaćam kao poziv da budem saveznik koji, kao što je moj šef učinio za mene, daje ljudima do znanja da je u redu otvoriti se. Ako ste gay ili ste ponosni na svoju etničku pripadnost, imate invaliditet ili ste duboko religiozni, vidite kako je kada ste na poslu sasvim vjerni sebi. Možda se ugodno iznenadite.