So I would like to start by telling you about one of my greatest friends, Okoloma Maduewesi. Okoloma lived on my street and looked after me like a big brother. If I liked a boy, I would ask Okoloma's opinion. Okoloma died in the notorious Sosoliso plane crash in Nigeria in December of 2005. Almost exactly seven years ago. Okoloma was a person I could argue with, laugh with and truly talk to. He was also the first person to call me a feminist.
今天我想從我最好的朋友開始講起, 他名子是奧克拉荷馬.瑪督韋希。 奧克拉荷馬住在我街上, 像位大哥那樣照顧我。 如果我喜歡上一個男生, 我會徵詢奧克拉荷馬的意見。 他死於奈及利亞惡名昭彰的 「索索利索航空公司」空難事件中, 時間是 2005 年 12 月。 至今已經快七年了。 我跟他無所不談, 他是我真正可以談心的朋友。 也是第一個稱我為 「女權主義者」的人。
I was about fourteen, we were at his house, arguing. Both of us bristling with half bit knowledge from books that we had read. I don't remember what this particular argument was about, but I remember that as I argued and argued, Okoloma looked at me and said, "You know, you're a feminist." It was not a compliment.
那時我 14 歲, 在他的家為某些事在爭論。 為了書中的事爭得面紅耳赤, 彼此都是一知半解。 我已忘了當時吵的是什麼, 但是我記得在爭論過程中 他看著我說: 「知道嗎?妳真的是個女權主義者!」 那不是誇獎。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
I could tell from his tone, the same tone that you would use to say something like, "You're a supporter of terrorism."
從他的語氣我就知道, 大概類似於你們會用來說 「妳是恐怖主義的支持者」那樣。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
I did not know exactly what this word "feminist" meant, and I did not want Okoloma to know that I did not know. So I brushed it aside, and I continued to argue. And the first thing I planned to do when I got home was to look up the word "feminist" in the dictionary.
我當時不了解 「女權主義者」真正的意思, 更不想讓他知道我不懂那個字眼。 所以我沒接他的話, 繼續爭論之前的話。 等我回家後做的第一件事, 就是查字典裡「女權主義者」的意思。
Now fast forward to some years later, I wrote a novel about a man who among other things beats his wife and whose story doesn't end very well. While I was promoting the novel in Nigeria, a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man, told me he wanted to advise me. And for the Nigerians here, I'm sure we're all familiar with how quick our people are to give unsolicited advice. He told me that people were saying that my novel was feminist and his advice to me -- and he was shaking his head sadly as he spoke -- was that I should never call myself a feminist because feminists are women who are unhappy because they cannot find husbands.
現在讓我把時間往後快轉幾年, 我寫了一本描述 一個男人毆打老婆的書, 主角最後的下場不是很好。 當我在奈及利亞為小說進行宣傳時, 有位好心善良的記者, 告訴我他想給我一點建議。 我想在座的奈及利亞人 一定都很了解那種不請自來 熱於提供建議的人速度有多快; 他說人們覺得我的小說是女權主義。 並且他建議我, 搖著頭帶點悲傷的說, 我不應該再提及自己是個女權主義者, 因為女權主義者都是不開心的女人, 因為她們找不到丈夫。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
So I decided to call myself "a happy feminist." Then an academic, a Nigerian woman told me that feminism was not our culture and that feminism wasn't African, and that I was calling myself a feminist because I had been corrupted by "Western books." Which amused me, because a lot of my early readings were decidedly unfeminist. I think I must have read every single Mills & Boon romance published before I was sixteen. And each time I tried to read those books called "the feminist classics," I'd get bored, and I really struggled to finish them. But anyway, since feminism was un-African, I decided that I would now call myself "a happy African feminist." At some point I was a happy African feminist who does not hate men and who likes lip gloss and who wears high heels for herself but not for men.
所以我決定自稱為 「快樂的女權主義者」。 然後又有一位奈及利亞的 女性學者告訴我, 女權主義不是我們的文化, 女權主義也不是非洲的。 她說我自稱女權主義者的原因 是因為我被「西方的書」腐化了。 她說的話讓我啼笑皆非, 因為我以前讀的書 絕大多數與女權主義無關。 我在 16 歲以前幾乎已讀完 「米爾思·布恩出版社」的 每一本浪漫小說。 每當我閱讀那些關於 「女權主義寶典」書籍的時候, 我都會覺得很無聊,很難唸完。 但是不管怎樣, 既然女權主義不是非洲的, 所以現在我都自稱 是「快樂的非洲女權主義者」, 過去某段日子我並不討厭男人, 我是快樂的非洲女權主義者, 也喜歡擦口紅, 隨興為自己穿高跟鞋, 而不是穿給男人看。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Of course a lot of this was tongue-in-cheek, but that word feminist is so heavy with baggage, negative baggage. You hate men, you hate bras, you hate African culture, that sort of thing.
當然上述許多都是玩笑話, 但是「女權主義者」本身這個字眼 帶有很沉重、很負面的包袱。 好比是「妳討厭男人, 妳不喜歡穿胸罩, 妳厭惡非洲文化」那些觀念。
Now here's a story from my childhood. When I was in primary school, my teacher said at the beginning of term that she would give the class a test and whoever got the highest score would be the class monitor. Now, class monitor was a big deal. If you were a class monitor, you got to write down the names of noisemakers --
我要講一個小時候的故事。 當我上小學的時候, 開學時我的老師說會有一個考試, 誰的分數最高誰就可以當班長。 你也知道,當班長是件了不起的事。 假如你是班長, 你就可以把講話的名字登記下來。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
which was having enough power of its own. But my teacher would also give you a cane to hold in your hand while you walk around and patrol the class for noisemakers. Now, of course you were not actually allowed to use the cane. But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me. I very much wanted to be the class monitor. And I got the highest score on the test. Then, to my surprise, my teacher said that the monitor had to be a boy. She had forgotten to make that clear earlier because she assumed it was ... obvious.
那個權力可大。 而且我的老師還會給班長拿根教鞭, 讓他拿著教鞭在班上 走動監督搗亂的人。 當然,使用教鞭打人是不被允許的。 不過對 9 歲的我實在很有激勵, 因為我非常想當班長。 而且我也考上第一名的成績。 聽到老師說: 「班長必須是個男生」我非常訝異。 她早該在考試前就先說清楚才對, 但是她以為大家都知道。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
A boy had the second highest score on the test, and he would be monitor. Now, what was even more interesting about this is that the boy was a sweet, gentle soul who had no interest in patrolling the class with the cane, while I was full of ambition to do so. But I was female and he was male, and so he became the class monitor. And I've never forgotten that incident.
成績第二名的是位男孩, 結果他變成了班長。 更有意思的是: 那個男孩個性善良又溫和, 對於拿著教鞭在班上巡邏毫無興趣, 而我則充滿野心渴望當班長, 但我是女生他是男生, 所以他當上了班長。 這件事情我一輩子忘不了。
I often make the mistake of thinking that something that is obvious to me is just as obvious to everyone else. Now, take my dear friend Louis for example. Louis is a brilliant, progressive man, and we would have conversations and he would tell me, "I don't know what you mean by things being different or harder for women. Maybe in the past, but not now." And I didn't understand how Louis could not see what seems so self-evident. Then one evening, in Lagos, Louis and I went out with friends. And for people here who are not familiar with Lagos, there's that wonderful Lagos' fixture, the sprinkling of energetic men who hang around outside establishments and very dramatically "help" you park your car. I was impressed with the particular theatrics of the man who found us a parking spot that evening. And so as we were leaving, I decided to leave him a tip. I opened my bag, put my hand inside my bag, brought out my money that I had earned from doing my work, and I gave it to the man. And he, this man who was very grateful and very happy, took the money from me, looked across at Louis and said, "Thank you, sir!"
這是我常犯的錯誤想法: 總是以為我懂的道理,別人應該也懂。 舉我的好朋友路易士為例。 他是位聰明上進的男人, 會在我們聊天的時候說: 「我不懂妳為什麼總是說 事情對女人而言不同且更難。 也許過去情況是那樣, 但現在已經不同了。」 我不理解他怎麼會看不清楚 那些不言而喻的事情。 有天晚上我跟他 在拉哥斯市與朋友聚會。 在座可能有人不太熟悉拉哥斯市, 這個城市有個特別美的地方, 就是這裡的人 散佈在各處且充滿活力, 會很熱心地「幫」你泊車。 我那天傍晚對幫我們 找到停車位的男士, 戲劇性的舉止感到非常滿意。 所以當我下車後, 決定給他一點小費。 於是我打開皮包, 把手伸進裡面, 拿出我的錢,這是我工作賺來的錢。 然後給了那個男士, 這個男士很感激也很開心, 從我手裡把錢拿過去, 然後把轉向路易士說: 「謝謝您,先生!」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Louis looked at me, surprised, and asked, "Why is he thanking me? I didn't give him the money." Then I saw realization dawn on Louis' face. The man believed that whatever money I had had ultimately come from Louis. Because Louis is a man.
路易士很驚訝的看著我說: 「他為什麼謝我?又不是我給的錢。」 然後我看到路易士 臉上恍然大悟的樣子。 那個男士一定是這樣想; 我的錢肯定都是來自身旁的路易士, 因為路易士是男的;
Men and women are different. We have different hormones, we have different sexual organs, we have different biological abilities. Women can have babies, men can't. At least not yet.
男人和女人是不同的。 我們有不同的荷爾蒙, 和不同的性器官, 在生理能力上也各有差別。 女人可以生孩子,男人不行。 至少現在不行。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Men have testosterone and are in general physically stronger than women. There's slightly more women than men in the world, about 52 percent of the world's population is female. But most of the positions of power and prestige are occupied by men. The late Kenyan Nobel Peace laureate, Wangari Maathai, put it simply and well when she said: "The higher you go, the fewer women there are." In the recent US elections we kept hearing of the Lilly Ledbetter law, and if we go beyond the nicely alliterative name of that law, it was really about a man and a woman doing the same job, being equally qualified, and the man being paid more because he's a man.
男人有睾丸酮, 通常身體比女人強壯。 世界上女人的數量 比男人稍微多一些, 全球的女性大概占了 52%, 但有權力與聲望的 絕大部分都是男性。 最近獲得諾貝爾和平獎的肯亞籍得主; 旺加里.馬塔伊 她闡述的非常簡明: 「爬得越高,女性就越少。」 我們在最近的美國大選中不時聽到 「莉莉—萊柏特合理工資法」, 如果深入去了解, 會發現它的命名原意, 分別指的是「一個男人和一個女人」; 兩者的工作內容和資格都一樣, 但是男的卻獲得較多的薪資, 原因只是因為他是「男性」。
So in the literal way, men rule the world, and this made sense a thousand years ago because human beings lived then in a world in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival. The physically stronger person was more likely to lead, and men, in general, are physically stronger. Of course there are many exceptions.
所以實務上來看掌控世界的是男性, 而且數千年以來都是理所當然, 因為人類當初的生存環境, 體格強壯是當時首要的生存條件, 所以身體強壯的人才可能做領袖, 而男性身體普遍較為強壯。 當然也有很多例外。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
But today we live in a vastly different world. The person more likely to lead is not the physically stronger person; it is the more creative person, the more intelligent person, the more innovative person, and there are no hormones for those attributes. A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent, to be creative, to be innovative. We have evolved; but it seems to me that our ideas of gender had not evolved.
但是今天我們生活在大不同的世界。 體格強壯已不再是當領袖的條件, 而是富有創造力和智慧, 能夠創新的人, 這些特質並非由荷爾蒙來決定。 在智力上男性與女性都一樣, 在創造和革新上亦是如此。 我們已經進化, 但是性別觀念依舊是停滯不進。
Some weeks ago, I walked into a lobby of one of the best Nigerian hotels. I thought about naming the hotel, but I thought I probably shouldn't. And a guard at the entrance stopped me and asked me annoying questions, because their automatic assumption is that a Nigerian female walking into a hotel alone is a sex worker. And by the way, why do these hotels focus on the ostensible supply rather than the demand for sex workers? In Lagos I cannot go alone into many "reputable" bars and clubs. They just don't let you in if you're a woman alone, you have to be accompanied by a man. Each time I walk into a Nigerian restaurant with a man, the waiter greets the man and ignores me. The waiters are products --
之前,我走進奈及利亞一家酒店大廳, 想一下要不要說出它的店名,算了。 門口的警衛攔住我 並問了些惱人的事, 因為他們很自然的認為, 一個獨自進入酒店的奈及利亞女人 必定是個妓女。 順便問一下, 為什麼這些酒店 只在乎提供沒用的用品, 何不乾脆直接提供性的服務呢? 拉哥斯很多富有聲譽的酒吧和俱樂部 我是無法單獨進入的。 他們就是不讓女性單獨進去, 你必須有男人陪伴才能進去。 每次我帶男性 進入奈及利亞的餐廳, 服務員只招呼男人, 卻忘了我的存在。 服務員是商品。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
At this some women felt like, "Yes! I thought that!" The waiters are products of a society that has taught them that men are more important than women. And I know that waiters don't intend any harm. But it's one thing to know intellectually and quite another to feel it emotionally. Each time they ignore me, I feel invisible. I feel upset. I want to tell them that I am just as human as the man, that I'm just as worthy of acknowledgment. These are little things, but sometimes it's the little things that sting the most.
女人對這點的反應好像是, 「是啊!我想也是!」 這些服務員是社會的產物, 社會教育他們男人比女人重要。 我也知道服務員無意冒犯我。 但是理性上的理解是一回事, 情緒上的感覺卻是另一回事。 每次我被忽視, 就讓我感到不存在一樣。 我感到很沮喪。 我想告訴他們 我跟男人一樣也是人, 我也值得被人感謝。 這些都是小事, 但有時小事卻最令人傷痛。
And not long ago, I wrote an article about what it means to be young and female in Lagos, and the printers told me, "It was so angry." Of course it was angry!
不久之前我寫了篇文章, 關於身為拉哥斯 年輕女性所代表的意義, 然後印刷商告訴說: 「那本書充滿怒氣哦。」 當然真的是非常令人生氣的!
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
I am angry. Gender as it functions today is a grave injustice. We should all be angry. Anger has a long history of bringing about positive change; but, in addition to being angry, I'm also hopeful. Because I believe deeply in the ability of human beings to make and remake themselves for the better.
我很生氣。 今日性別差異仍是非常不公平。 我們都應該感到憤怒。 歷史上憤怒曾帶來很多正面的改變。 但是除了憤怒之外,我也懷著希望。 因為我深信人類的能力 可以為了更好的未來 而去創造和改造。
Gender matters everywhere in the world, but I want to focus on Nigeria and on Africa in general, because it is where I know, and because it is where my heart is. And I would like today to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world, a fairer world, a world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves. And this is how to start: we must raise our daughters differently. We must also raise our sons differently. We do a great disservice to boys on how we raise them; we stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way, masculinity becomes this hard, small cage and we put boys inside the cage. We teach boys to be afraid of fear. We teach boys to be afraid of weakness, of vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves, because they have to be, in Nigerian speak, "hard man!" In secondary school, a boy and a girl, both of them teenagers, both of them with the same amount of pocket money, would go out and then the boy would be expected always to pay, to prove his masculinity. And yet we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.
全世界的性別問題都至關重要, 但是我想聚焦於奈及利亞, 以及整個非洲, 因為這是我的家鄉, 也是我心之所向。 今天我想要求大家 開始夢想和籌畫一個不一樣的世界, 一個更公平的世界, 一個男人和女人都比現在更開心 和更真實的世界。 讓我們這樣開始做: 我們要用不同的方式教育女兒, 我們也要用不同的方式教育兒子。 我們養育男孩的方式 大大地幫了他們倒忙, 抹煞了男孩的人性。 把「大丈夫氣概」定義得很狹隘, 把大丈夫氣概視為 一個堅固狹小的牢籠, 再把男孩關進去。 我們教男孩害怕恐懼。 我們教男孩害怕短處和脆弱。 讓男孩隱藏自己真實的一面, 因為他們必須做一個 奈及利亞人所說的「硬漢」。 同年紀的中學男孩和女孩, 兩者都是十來歲的年輕人, 兩者都有同樣多的零用錢在口袋裡, 一起出去玩的時候, 總是讓男生付錢, 來讓他展現男子氣概。 而我們還在困惑 為何男生較會從家裡偷錢。
What if both boys and girls were raised not to link masculinity with money? What if the attitude was not "the boy has to pay" but rather "whoever has more should pay?" Now, of course because of that historical advantage, it is mostly men who will have more today, but if we start raising children differently, then in fifty years, in a hundred years, boys will no longer have the pressure of having to prove this masculinity. But by far the worst thing we do to males, by making them feel that they have to be hard, is that we leave them with very fragile egos. The more "hard man" the man feels compelled to be, the weaker his ego is. And then we do a much greater disservice to girls because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of men. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller, we say to girls, "You can have ambition, but not too much."
假如我們在養育男生和女生的時候 不把金錢和男子氣概 聯想在一起,會怎樣? 如果我們把「男生付錢」的態度改成 「誰錢多誰付錢」那麼又會怎樣? 當然,由於歷史的優勢, 大多情況下男人會比較富有一些, 但是如果我們開始改變 教育孩子的方式, 五十年後,一百年後, 屆時男人將不再被迫 去證明自己的男子氣概。 但到目前為止, 教導他們覺得自己必須要做硬漢, 這件事最糟的結果是: 我們留給他們一個非常脆弱的自我。 男人被迫成為硬漢的感覺越強烈, 他的自我就越脆弱。 而我們又再用 更不親和的方式教育女孩, 因為我們教育她們 去迎合男人脆弱的自我, 我們教育女孩子收斂自己, 讓自己變得更卑微。 對女生說: 「妳可以有野心,但是不要過多。」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
"You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you would threaten the man." If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man, you have to pretend that you're not, especially in public, otherwise you will emasculate him.
「你要朝著成功努力,但不需要太成功, 否則妳會威脅到男人。」 如果妳是負責養家糊口的人, 妳就要假裝沒老公賺得多, 尤其是公開場合, 不然會讓妳的男人喪失男子氣概。
But what if we question the premise itself? Why should a woman's success be a threat to a man? What if we decide to simply dispose of that word, and I don't think there's an English word I dislike more than "emasculation." A Nigerian acquaintance once asked me if I was worried that men would be intimidated by me. I was not worried at all. In fact, it had not occurred to me to be worried because a man who would be intimidated by me is exactly the kind of man I would have no interest in.
但是如果我們質疑這個前提呢? 為什麼一個女人事業有成 就會威脅到男人了呢? 為什麼我們不直接拋棄那個字, 那個我最不喜歡的英文字:「閹割」 有位奈及利亞的舊識問我 是否擔心自己會嚇到男人? 我根本不會擔心。 事實上我從未擔心過, 因為會被我嚇到的男人, 絕對不是我喜歡的菜。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
(Applause)
(掌聲)
But still I was really struck by this. Because I'm female, I'm expected to aspire to marriage; I'm expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. A marriage can be a good thing; it can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same?
但是我還是會對這件事受到打擊。 因為我是女性, 我被要求以婚姻為重。 我被期待在做出人生抉擇的時候, 總是要以婚姻為優先的考慮。 婚姻可以是好事; 婚姻是愛與快樂、互相支援的來源。 但是為何我們只教育女兒追求婚姻, 而沒教育男孩同樣的婚姻觀?
I know a woman who decided to sell her house because she didn't want to intimidate a man who might marry her. I know an unmarried woman in Nigeria who, when she goes to conferences, wears a wedding ring because according to her, she wants the other participants in the conference to "give her respect." I know young women who are under so much pressure from family, from friends, even from work to get married, and they're pushed to make terrible choices. A woman at a certain age who is unmarried, our society teaches her to see it as a deep, personal failure. And a man at a certain age who is unmarried, we just think he hasn't come around to making his pick.
我認識一個賣掉自己房子的女人, 因為她不希望嚇到打算娶她的男人。 我認識一位單身的奈及利亞的女性, 每次開會時, 手上都會戴枚結婚戒指, 因為她說: 她希望其他與會的人「尊重她」。 我知道年輕女人的壓力都很大, 親朋好友甚至同儕都逼著她結婚, 結果她們被迫做出糟糕的選擇。 一個女人到了一定年齡還沒嫁出去, 輿論會讓她覺得 這是極大的個人失敗。 然而一個男人到了 一定年齡還沒有結婚, 大家只會說他還沒遇到合適的對象。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
It's easy for us to say, "Oh, but women can just say no to all of this." But the reality is more difficult and more complex. We're all social beings. We internalize ideas from our socialization. Even the language we use in talking about marriage and relationships illustrates this. The language of marriage is often the language of ownership rather than the language of partnership. We use the word "respect" to mean something a woman shows a man but often not something a man shows a woman.
我們都可以很輕鬆地說: 「哦,但女人也可以拒絕這些啊。」 但是現實比這更複雜、更困難。 我們都是社會的一份子。 我們把社會的看法加以內化。 甚至我們使用的語言, 當討論婚姻時,描述婚姻關係時, 談的都是「所有權」的話語, 而非「夥伴關係」的語言。 我們使用「尊重」這個字, 來形容女人對男人的態度 而常常不是男人對女人的態度。
Both men and women in Nigeria will say -- this is an expression I'm very amused by -- "I did it for peace in my marriage." Now, when men say it, it is usually about something that they should not be doing anyway.
奈及利亞的男女都會說 ──這個說法讓我啼笑皆非── 「我這樣做是為了婚姻的和諧。」 但輪到男人這麼說的時候, 通常是指的是「不該」做的事。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Sometimes they say it to their friends, it's something to say to their friends in a kind of fondly exasperated way, you know, something that ultimately proves how masculine they are, how needed, how loved. "Oh, my wife said I can't go to the club every night, so for peace in my marriage, I do it only on weekends."
有時男人會對朋友那樣說, 那些與朋友交談時的話題, 用一種既憐愛又惱怒的口氣, 就是那種最能夠男子氣概的口吻, 多麼享受那種被人依賴與關愛的感覺。 「呃,我妻子叫我不要每晚來俱樂部, 所以為了這個家我只能週末才來。」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Now, when a woman says, "I did it for peace in my marriage," she's usually talking about giving up a job, a dream, a career. We teach females that in relationships, compromise is what women do. We raise girls to see each other as competitors -- not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. If we have sons, we don't mind knowing about our sons' girlfriends. But our daughters' boyfriends? God forbid.
是當女人說; 「我是為了這個家」的時候, 通常她指的是放棄一份工作, 放棄夢想, 放棄事業。 我們教育婦女為了婚姻, 妥協是女人的本分。 我們教導女兒們視彼此為競爭者 ──不是為了工作或成就的競爭, 我視這種競爭為好事── 而是為了吸引男人。 我們告訴女孩子不能打扮得太火辣, 不可像男人那樣。 如果是兒子的女朋友, 我們就不會介意。 但如果是女兒的男朋友? 那可就上帝也不容了。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
But of course when the time is right, we expect those girls to bring back the perfect man to be their husbands. We police girls, we praise girls for virginity, but we don't praise boys for virginity, and it's always made me wonder how exactly this is supposed to work out because ...
當然,到了適合的時間, 我們期盼女兒帶回來的 是一個可做她的丈夫的完美男人。 我們約束女兒保持童貞, 但我們不要求男孩保持童貞。 讓我好奇的是 這種事要怎樣才行得通呢?因為──
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
(Applause)
(掌聲)
I mean, the loss of virginity is usually a process that involves ...
我的意思是 失去童貞的過程通常需要──
Recently a young woman was gang raped in a university in Nigeria, I think some of us know about that. And the response of many young Nigerians, both male and female, was something along the lines of this: "Yes, rape is wrong. But what is a girl doing in a room with four boys?" Now, if we can forget the horrible inhumanity of that response, these Nigerians have been raised to think of women as inherently guilty, and they have been raised to expect so little of men that the idea of men as savage beings without any control is somehow acceptable. We teach girls shame. "Close your legs." "Cover yourself." We make them feel as though by being born female they're already guilty of something. And so, girls grow up to be women who cannot see they have desire. They grow up to be women who silence themselves. They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think, and they grow up -- and this is the worst thing we did to girls -- they grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an art form.
最近一名奈及利亞大學的女生被輪姦, 我想有些人可能聽說了。 然後很多奈及利亞的男女反應是, 類似這樣: 「沒錯,強姦是不對的。 但是為什麼一個女孩 會和四個男生同處一室呢?」 暫且不談那種可怕又殘酷的反應, 奈及利亞人已被教育成 女人與生有罪, 他們的也被養育成 不要對男性期望太高, 男性做出失控不理性的獸行, 總是可以理解的。 我們教育女性要懂得廉恥, 「把腿夾緊」, 「別穿得那麼暴露」。 我們把女孩弄得好像身為女人, 天生就是有罪的。 因此,女孩長大成女人後, 我們見不得她們有慾望。 她們最好閉上嘴巴。 她們長大後不能說出自己內心的話, 她們長大後── 這是我們對女孩 做的最糟糕的事情── 她們長大後把這種虛偽當成是藝術。
(Applause)
(掌聲)
I know a woman who hates domestic work, she just hates it, but she pretends that she likes it, because she's been taught that to be "good wife material" she has to be -- to use that Nigerian word -- very "homely." And then she got married, and after a while her husband's family began to complain that she had changed.
我認識一個很討厭做家事的女人, 她就是不喜歡做家事, 但是她假裝成很喜歡, 因為她從小被教育要當個「好老婆」, 用奈及利亞的話來說, 她不得不表現得非常「居家」。 等到她結了婚, 沒多久她的婆家開始抱怨她人變了。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Actually, she had not changed, she just got tired of pretending.
實際上她沒變, 她只是演得累了。
The problem with gender, is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are.
關於「性別」的問題, 出在我們對它設下了 「應該是甚麼」的規定, 而不是去理解我們「如何做」。
Now imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn't have the weight of gender expectations. Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the differences and then it becomes a self-fulfilling process. Now, take cooking for example. Today women in general are more likely to do the housework than men, the cooking and cleaning. But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene?
想像如果能做真正的自己 會有多快樂、多自由, 免除掉性別帶來的包袱。 男性和女性生理上 毫無疑問是有差異的, 但是社會誇大了這種差異性, 使它轉變成一種自我實現的過程。 我們拿烹飪為例; 現代的女人比男人 要負擔更多的家務, 例如烹飪和打掃。 但是為什麼是那樣呢? 難不成女人生來就有烹飪的基因嗎?
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? Actually, I was going to say that maybe women are born with a cooking gene, until I remember that the majority of the famous cooks in the world, whom we give the fancy title of "chefs," are men.
還是說經過多年社會化以後, 她們已經視烹飪為女性的天職? 我一直以為女人的確具有烹飪的基因, 直到我憶起世上知名的大廚, 那些我們給他戴上「大廚」帽子的人, 卻多數是「男性」。
I used to look up to my grandmother who was a brilliant, brilliant woman, and wonder how she would have been if she had the same opportunities as men when she was growing up.
我過去非常敬仰我外婆, 她是位非常睿智的女人, 我很好奇在她成長過程中, 如果像男性有同樣的機會,她會怎麼樣。
Now today, there are many more opportunities for women than there were during my grandmother's time because of changes in policy, changes in law, all of which are very important. But what matters even more is our attitude, our mindset, what we believe and what we value about gender. What if in raising children we focus on ability instead of gender? What if in raising children we focus on interest instead of gender?
今天的女人有了很多機會, 比我外婆那一代還要多, 歸功於政策和法律的改變, 所有改變都很重要。 但是更重要的是我們的態度和思維, 對於性別的信念和價值觀。 如果我們撫養孩子時, 多關注能力而不是性別? 如果我們關注於興趣而不是性別呢?
I know a family who have a son and a daughter, both of whom are brilliant at school, who are wonderful, lovely children. When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl, "Go and cook Indomie noodles for your brother."
我認識的某一家人,有一男一女, 兒女在學校表現都很好, 都是很討人喜歡的孩子。 當兒子餓了的時候, 父母會對女兒說: 「去給你哥哥下碗印尼泡麵吃。」
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Now, the daughter doesn't particularly like to cook Indomie noodles, but she's a girl, and so she has to. Now, what if the parents, from the beginning, taught both the boy and the girl to cook Indomie? Cooking, by the way, is a very useful skill for boys to have. I've never thought it made sense to leave such a crucial thing, the ability to nourish oneself --
這個女兒並不特別喜歡印尼泡麵了, 但是因為她是女孩,她不得不做。 現在,如果這對父母, 從一開始, 教導兒子和女兒 都去學煮印尼式泡麵呢? 順便說一下; 煮飯對男生也是非常重要的技能。 我從來不覺得這樣有道理: 把餵飽一個人這樣重要的能力
(Laughter)
交由他人代勞,
in the hands of others.
(笑聲)(掌聲)
(Applause)
I know a woman who has the same degree and the same job as her husband. When they get back from work, she does most of the housework, which I think is true for many marriages. But what struck me about them was that whenever her husband changed the baby's diaper, she said "thank you" to him. Now, what if she saw this as perfectly normal and natural that he should, in fact, care for his child?
我認識一個女人, 學歷和工作跟她的丈夫都一樣, 下班回家後,大部分家務都由她來做, 我相信大部分婚姻都是如此。 但是真正讓我震驚的是; 每當她丈夫替孩子換尿片的時候, 她都會跟老公說「謝謝你。」 現在,如果她把這件事視為理所當然呢? 老公不是都應該照顧自己的孩子嗎?
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
I'm trying to unlearn many of the lessons of gender that I internalized when I was growing up. But I sometimes still feel very vulnerable in the face of gender expectations. The first time I taught a writing class in graduate school, I was worried. I wasn't worried about the material I would teach because I was well-prepared, and I was going to teach what I enjoy teaching. Instead, I was worried about what to wear. I wanted to be taken seriously. I knew that because I was female I will automatically have to prove my worth. And I was worried that if I looked too feminine, I would not be taken seriously. I really wanted to wear my shiny lip gloss and my girly skirt, but I decided not to. Instead, I wore a very serious, very manly and very ugly suit.
我一直想忘記有關性別差異的教導, 那些成長過程中 已然內化而帶來的教訓。 但當面對性別期望時, 有時我仍會感到脆弱。 當我第一次在研究所 指導寫作的時候, 我很擔心。 但不是擔心教材的問題, 因為我的教材準備得很充分, 而且我非常喜歡教書的工作。 讓我擔心的反而是 穿甚麼衣服的問題。 我很希望被嚴肅地看待。 因為我知道自己是女性, 我必須主動的證明自己的價值。 我擔心如果我穿得太女性化, 我會被人輕視。 我真的很想擦上閃亮的唇膏, 和穿那些很有女人味的裙子, 但是我決定算了。 相反的我穿了一件非常正式的, 很男性化、很醜陋的套裝。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Because the sad truth is that when it comes to appearance we start off with men as the standard, as the norm. If a man is getting ready for a business meeting, he doesn't worry about looking too masculine and therefore not being taken for granted. If a woman has to get ready for business meeting, she has to worry about looking too feminine and what it says and whether or not she will be taken seriously.
因為可悲的是,當牽涉到衣著時, 我們必須以男人的標準為規範。 如果是男人在準備參加業務會議, 他不需要擔心是否穿得太男性化 以致被人佔便宜。 但是當女人準備參加業務會議時, 她必須注意不要穿得太女性化, 免得別人不嚴肅地看待她。
I wish I had not worn that ugly suit that day. I've actually banished it from my closet, by the way. Had I then the confidence that I have now to be myself, my students would have benefited even more from my teaching, because I would have been more comfortable and more fully and more truly myself. I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness and for my femininity.
我真希望那天沒穿那件醜陋的套裝。 順便提一下,我已經 從衣櫃取出那套裝扔了。 假如當時我有現在的自信 做真正的自己, 我的學生可以學得更多, 因為我會更自在、 更完整、更真實地呈現自我。 我已決定不再為我的女性化 和女權主張而道歉。
(Applause)
(掌聲)
And I want to be respected in all of my femaleness because I deserve to be. Gender is not an easy conversation to have. For both men and women, to bring up gender is sometimes to encounter almost immediate resistance. I can imagine some people here are actually thinking, "Women too do sef." Some of the men here might be thinking, "OK, all of this is interesting, but I don't think like that." And that is part of the problem.
而且我希望我的女性特點得到尊重, 因為我值得被尊重。 性別差異不是很好談的話題, 無論男人或是女人, 挑起性別話題 有時會遭到立即的反彈。 我能想像有些人現在實際的想法 是「女人是自作自受。」 在座的某些男性可能會想: 「好吧,聽起來很有道理, 但是我不這麼想。」 而這就是部分問題之所在。
That many men do not actively think about gender or notice gender is part of the problem of gender. That many men, say, like my friend Louis, that everything is fine now. And that many men do nothing to change it. If you are a man and you walk into a restaurant with a woman and the waiter greets only you, does it occur to you to ask the waiter, "Why haven't you greeted her?" Because gender can be --
很多男人並不會主動思考性別的問題 或注意性別本身, 那就是性別問題的一部分。 很多男人,就像我的朋友路易士, 認為現在一切都不錯啊。 很多男人不想改變現狀。 如果你是一個帶著 女人進入餐廳的男人, 如果服務員只跟你接待你, 你有沒有問過服務員: 「為什麼你沒招待她?」 因為性別可以──
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Actually, we may repose part of a longer version of this talk. So, because gender can be a very uncomfortable conversation to have, there are very easy ways to close it, to close the conversation. So some people will bring up evolutionary biology and apes, how, you know, female apes bow down to male apes and that sort of thing. But the point is we're not apes.
也許我們可以休息一下, 這場演講真的很長。 因為談論性別問題 可能令人非常不舒服, 有一個簡單方法能化解它。 有些人可能會提出進化論和猩猩, 你知道雌性猩猩 會向雄性猩猩彎腰低頭, 諸如此類。 但重點是:我們不是猩猩。
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
(Applause)
(掌聲)
Apes also live on trees and have earthworms for breakfast, and we don't. Some people will say, "Well, poor men also have a hard time." And this is true. But that is not what this --
猩猩生活在樹上,吃蚯蚓當早飯, 我們不然。 有人會反駁說: 「窮男人也過得很辛苦。」 這的確是。 但那與這毫不相干──
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
But this is not what this conversation is about. Gender and class are different forms of oppression. I actually learned quite a bit about systems of oppression and how they can be blind to one another by talking to black men.
但那不是我們在此討論的主題。 性別和社會階級 都是被壓抑的不同形式。 實際上我學到許多 有關系統性壓抑的事, 還有他們彼此如何無視對方的存在, 這是經由與黑人男士們 對談而學來的。
I was once talking to a black man about gender and he said to me, "Why do you have to say 'my experience as a woman'? Why can't it be 'your experience as a human being'?" Now, this was the same man who would often talk about his experience as a black man.
我曾跟一位黑人男性 談論性別的問題, 他問我: 「妳為什麼一定要說『身為女人的經歷』? 為什麼不說妳『身為人類的經驗』?」 現在說這話的人 常提到自己身為黑人男人的事。
Gender matters. Men and women experience the world differently. Gender colors the way we experience the world. But we can change that.
性別有差異的! 男人與女人對世界的體認是不同的。 性別讓我們使用有色眼光去看世界。 但是我們可以改變。
Some people will say, "Oh, but women have the real power, bottom power." And for non-Nigerians, bottom power is an expression which I suppose means something like a woman who uses her sexuality to get favors from men. But bottom power is not power at all. Bottom power means that a woman simply has a good root to tap into, from time to time -- somebody else's power. And then, of course, we have to wonder what happens when that somebody else is in a bad mood, or sick or impotent.
有人會說: 「但是女人有真正的力量, 屁股的力量。」 我來解釋一下, 以奈及利亞的語言來表達, 「屁股力量」有點像 女人利用她的魅力 吸引並從男人身上牟取利益的意思。 但是屁股力量根本不是什麼力量。 屁股力量只是意味著一個女人 有時候有借助別人力量的基礎而已。 然後,我們一定會好奇, 如果那個人情緒很差、 生病,或是無能,會怎樣?
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
Some people will say that a woman being subordinate to a man is our culture. But culture is constantly changing. I have beautiful twin nieces who are fifteen and live in Lagos. If they had been born a hundred years ago they would have been taken away and killed. Because it was our culture, it was our culture to kill twins.
有人說女人屈服於男人 是我們的文化。 但是文化是不斷地改變的。 我有兩個芳齡十五,美麗的 雙胞胎侄女住在拉哥斯。 如果她倆出生在一百年之前, 她們會被帶走並被殺掉。 因為過去那是我們的文化, 殺死雙胞胎是我們過去的文化。
So what is the point of culture? I mean there's the decorative, the dancing ... but also, culture really is about preservation and continuity of a people. In my family, I am the child who is most interested in the story of who we are, in our traditions, in the knowledge about ancestral lands. My brothers are not as interested as I am. But I cannot participate, I cannot go to umunna meetings, I cannot have a say. Because I'm female. Culture does not make people, people make culture. So if it is in fact true --
那麼文化的重點在哪裡呢? 文化有很多的裝飾性, 像是各種的舞蹈等等。 但此同時, 文化真正的意義是保護人和傳承。 我是家中最有興趣聽人述說 關於我們是誰、關於傳統, 還有祖傳有關這片土地的知識。 我的兄弟不像我那麼有興趣。 可是我不能參與, 我不能參加族人會議, 我也無權發言。 因為我是女性。 文化不會製造出人, 人類創造文化。 所以實際上真的是這樣,
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So if it is in fact true that the full humanity of women is not our culture, then we must make it our culture.
所以如果實際上真的是 女性的完整人權不屬於我們的文化, 那我們就必須把它變成我們的文化。
I think very often of my dear friend, Okoloma Maduewesi. May he and all the others who passed away in that Sosoliso crash continue to rest in peace. He will always be remembered by those of us who loved him. And he was right that day many years ago when he called me a feminist.
我常常想起我的朋友 奧克拉荷馬.瑪督韋希。 祝福他和其他所有在 索索利索空難中逝去的人, 繼續得到安息。 他永遠會被愛他的人懷念著。 他在幾年前的那一天是對的,
I am a feminist. And when I looked up the word in the dictionary that day, this is what it said: "Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes." My great grandmother, from the stories I've heard, was a feminist. She ran away from the house of the man she did not want to marry and ended up marrying the man of her choice. She refused, she protested, she spoke up whenever she felt she was being deprived of access, of land, that sort of thing.
當時他第一次說我是女權主義者。 我是一個女權主義者。 那天我打開字典查閱這個字的時候, 字典裡這麼寫道: 「女權主義者: 一個相信在社會、政治 和經濟上,性別生而平等的人。」 在我聽到的故事裡,我的曾祖母 是位女權主義者。 她逃離不想嫁的那個男人的家, 最終與自己選擇的男人結婚。 她拒絕、她抗議、她挺身而出, 每當她的土地權利被剝奪
My great grandmother did not know that word "feminist," but it doesn't mean that she wasn't one. More of us should reclaim that word. My own definition of feminist is: "A feminist is a man or a woman who says --
或發生類似情形時,她都是如此。 我的曾祖母不曉得 「女權主義者」這個名詞, 但是那不代表她不是女權主義者。 更多人應該再度主張這個詞彙。 我個人對女權主義的定義是: 「女權主義者是個男人或女人, 主張
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A feminist is a man or a woman who says, "Yes, there's a problem with gender as it is today, and we must fix it. We must do better." The best feminist I know is my brother Kene. He's also a kind, good-looking, lovely man, and he's very masculine.
「女權主義者是那些勇於說出: 『是的,當今社會性別問題依然存在, 而且我們必須糾正它, 我們必須做得更好』的男人或女人」。 我所認識最優秀的女權主義者 是我的哥哥肯尼。 他也是個和善、瀟灑、可愛的男人, 而且他非常有男子氣概。
Thank you.
謝謝。
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