So I would like to start by telling you about one of my greatest friends, Okoloma Maduewesi. Okoloma lived on my street and looked after me like a big brother. If I liked a boy, I would ask Okoloma's opinion. Okoloma died in the notorious Sosoliso plane crash in Nigeria in December of 2005. Almost exactly seven years ago. Okoloma was a person I could argue with, laugh with and truly talk to. He was also the first person to call me a feminist.
今天我打算从一个我最好的朋友开始讲起, 他叫 Okoloma Maduewesi。 Okoloma 跟我住一个街区 像大哥哥一样照顾我。 像是暗恋这样的事情我都会问Okoloma的意见。 Okoloma死于尼日利亚Sosoliso空难 时间是2005年12月。 差不多已经快七年了。 我跟Okoloma无话不谈,毫无保留。 他也是第一个称我为“女权主义者”的人。
I was about fourteen, we were at his house, arguing. Both of us bristling with half bit knowledge from books that we had read. I don't remember what this particular argument was about, but I remember that as I argued and argued, Okoloma looked at me and said, "You know, you're a feminist." It was not a compliment.
当时我才14岁,在他的家里争论某些话题。 当时我们因为对书中知识的理解不同 而争的面红耳赤。 我已经忘记当时争论的是什么了, 但是我记得吵着吵着, Okoloma看着我说: “你知道嘛?你是个女权主义者。” 这可不是在夸奖我。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
I could tell from his tone, the same tone that you would use to say something like, "You're a supporter of terrorism."
我来形容一下他的语气, 大概类似于现在这个时代说 “你支持者恐怖主义”一样。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
I did not know exactly what this word "feminist" meant, and I did not want Okoloma to know that I did not know. So I brushed it aside, and I continued to argue. And the first thing I planned to do when I got home was to look up the word "feminist" in the dictionary.
我当时不知道女权主义者是什么意思, 我更不想让Okoloma发现我不知道。 所以我当时没接这个话茬, 继续争论之前的话题。 当我回到家的第一件事情 就是去字典里查“女权主义者”是什么意思。
Now fast forward to some years later, I wrote a novel about a man who among other things beats his wife and whose story doesn't end very well. While I was promoting the novel in Nigeria, a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man, told me he wanted to advise me. And for the Nigerians here, I'm sure we're all familiar with how quick our people are to give unsolicited advice. He told me that people were saying that my novel was feminist and his advice to me -- and he was shaking his head sadly as he spoke -- was that I should never call myself a feminist because feminists are women who are unhappy because they cannot find husbands.
时间快进到若干年后, 我写了一本书,情节包含了 一个男人打自己的老婆 然后(他的)下场不是很好。 当我在尼日利亚为小说进行宣传时, 一个记者,一位善良好心的男人, 告诉我他希望给我一点建议。 我想在座的尼日利亚人 一定都非常熟悉 我们的同胞是多么急切地要提供建议。 他告诉我说人们觉得我的小说是女权主义的 并且他建议我—— 当他说的时候悲伤的摇着头—— 我应该再也不要提及自己是女权主义者 因为女权主义者都是一些不开心的女人 因为她们找不到丈夫。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
So I decided to call myself "a happy feminist." Then an academic, a Nigerian woman told me that feminism was not our culture and that feminism wasn't African, and that I was calling myself a feminist because I had been corrupted by "Western books." Which amused me, because a lot of my early readings were decidedly unfeminist. I think I must have read every single Mills & Boon romance published before I was sixteen. And each time I tried to read those books called "the feminist classics," I'd get bored, and I really struggled to finish them. But anyway, since feminism was un-African, I decided that I would now call myself "a happy African feminist." At some point I was a happy African feminist who does not hate men and who likes lip gloss and who wears high heels for herself but not for men.
所以我开始称自己为 “快乐的女权主义者” 后来一位学者,一位尼日利亚的女性告诉我 女权主义不是我们文化的一部分, 女权主义也不是非洲的, 我之所以自称女权主义者 是因为我看了太多“西方的书”。 这个说法让我觉得很有趣, 因为我早年阅读的那些书 百分百跟女权主义无关。 我想我一定是在我16岁之前就已经通读了 Mills & Boon 出版的所有书籍 每当我打算阅读那些书 那些”女权主义经典“ 我都会觉得很无聊,很难看下去。 但是不管怎样,既然女权主义不是非洲的, 我决定称自己为 “快乐的非洲女权主义者” 现在我变成了一个不讨厌男人的 快乐的非洲女权主义者 喜欢涂润唇膏 根据自己而不是男人的喜好来穿高跟鞋。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Of course a lot of this was tongue-in-cheek, but that word feminist is so heavy with baggage, negative baggage. You hate men, you hate bras, you hate African culture, that sort of thing.
当然我刚才很多话都是半开玩笑的, 但是“女权主义者”这个词带着 很多负面的历史包袱。 你厌恶男人,你厌恶文胸, 你厌恶非洲文化,如此种种。
Now here's a story from my childhood. When I was in primary school, my teacher said at the beginning of term that she would give the class a test and whoever got the highest score would be the class monitor. Now, class monitor was a big deal. If you were a class monitor, you got to write down the names of noisemakers --
我要讲一个我小时候的故事。 当我上小学的时候, 我的老师说在开学时会有一场考试 考试分数最高的人将当上班长。 各位,当班长可是件大事。 一旦你当上了班长, 你就有权把捣蛋的小朋友记下来
(Laughter)
(笑声)
which was having enough power of its own. But my teacher would also give you a cane to hold in your hand while you walk around and patrol the class for noisemakers. Now, of course you were not actually allowed to use the cane. But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me. I very much wanted to be the class monitor. And I got the highest score on the test. Then, to my surprise, my teacher said that the monitor had to be a boy. She had forgotten to make that clear earlier because she assumed it was ... obvious.
这个权力可是很大的哦。 而且我的老师还会拿根教鞭交给班长 在班级里巡逻揪出捣蛋鬼的时候攥在手里 当然,使用教鞭打人是被禁止的。 对于9岁的我来说太激动人心了 我非常想当上班长。 而且我也顺利考到了第一名。 然后我非常惊讶的听老师说, 班长必须是男孩。 她在考试前忘记澄清了 因为她觉得这是很……自然的。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
A boy had the second highest score on the test, and he would be monitor. Now, what was even more interesting about this is that the boy was a sweet, gentle soul who had no interest in patrolling the class with the cane, while I was full of ambition to do so. But I was female and he was male, and so he became the class monitor. And I've never forgotten that incident.
第二名是个男孩, 他被提名当班长。 有意思的是 这个男孩很温和腼腆, 并没有兴趣拿着教鞭在教室巡逻, 而我则非常渴望能这么做。 但是我是女孩他是男孩, 所以他当上了班长。 这件事情我一辈子都不会忘。
I often make the mistake of thinking that something that is obvious to me is just as obvious to everyone else. Now, take my dear friend Louis for example. Louis is a brilliant, progressive man, and we would have conversations and he would tell me, "I don't know what you mean by things being different or harder for women. Maybe in the past, but not now." And I didn't understand how Louis could not see what seems so self-evident. Then one evening, in Lagos, Louis and I went out with friends. And for people here who are not familiar with Lagos, there's that wonderful Lagos' fixture, the sprinkling of energetic men who hang around outside establishments and very dramatically "help" you park your car. I was impressed with the particular theatrics of the man who found us a parking spot that evening. And so as we were leaving, I decided to leave him a tip. I opened my bag, put my hand inside my bag, brought out my money that I had earned from doing my work, and I gave it to the man. And he, this man who was very grateful and very happy, took the money from me, looked across at Louis and said, "Thank you, sir!"
我经常犯的一个思维的误区 是我觉得对我而言非常明显的道理 对别人并不是自然而然的。 让我以我的好朋友 Louis 举个例子。 Louis 是一个聪明有上进心的男人, 当我们聊天的时候他时常跟我说, “我不知道你为什么老说 女人做起事情更加困难” “过去或许是,但是现在已经不同了。” 我不理解Louis怎么会看不到如此明显的事实。 有天晚上,我跟Louis在拉各斯市 (尼日利亚首都)跟朋友聚会。 各位可能不太熟悉拉各斯市, 这个城市的标志性组成之一, 就是散布在各个建筑外的 精力充沛的男人 举止非常夸张地“帮助”你泊车。 我那天对于帮助我们找到停车位的 那个男人的行为表现非常满意。 所以当我从车上下来之后我决定给小费。 我打开我的包, 把我的手伸进我的包, 拿出我的钱, 然后给了那个男人。 这个男人非常地感激和开心, 从我手里拿到了钱, (却)把目光投向Louis 说道,“谢谢您,先生!”
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Louis looked at me, surprised, and asked, "Why is he thanking me? I didn't give him the money." Then I saw realization dawn on Louis' face. The man believed that whatever money I had had ultimately come from Louis. Because Louis is a man.
Louis很惊讶的看着我, 问,“为什么他要感谢我? 又不是我给他的钱。” 然后我看到Louis恍然大悟的表情。 那个男人相信我手里的钱 最终都是来自于身边的男人Louis的。 就因为Louis是男的。
Men and women are different. We have different hormones, we have different sexual organs, we have different biological abilities. Women can have babies, men can't. At least not yet.
男人和女人是不同的。 我们有不同的荷尔蒙, 有不同的性器官, 在生理能力上也各有千秋。 女人可以生孩子,男人不行。 至少现在不行。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Men have testosterone and are in general physically stronger than women. There's slightly more women than men in the world, about 52 percent of the world's population is female. But most of the positions of power and prestige are occupied by men. The late Kenyan Nobel Peace laureate, Wangari Maathai, put it simply and well when she said: "The higher you go, the fewer women there are." In the recent US elections we kept hearing of the Lilly Ledbetter law, and if we go beyond the nicely alliterative name of that law, it was really about a man and a woman doing the same job, being equally qualified, and the man being paid more because he's a man.
男人有睾丸酮,身体比女人更强壮有力。 女人的数量比男人稍多一些, 全球大概52%是女性。 但是男人攫取了绝大部分权力和威望。 那位肯尼亚诺贝尔和平奖得主 Wangari Waathai, 她阐述的非常明确: “当你爬的越高,你发现女人越少。” 在最近的(2016年)美国大选中 Lilly Ledbetter 法案经常被提到, 这个法案的名字虽然好玩, 但是进一步了解你会发现 这实际上是说一个男人和女人 如果工作内容和产出都相同, 那么男人会拿到更多的薪酬, 仅仅因为他是男人。
So in the literal way, men rule the world, and this made sense a thousand years ago because human beings lived then in a world in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival. The physically stronger person was more likely to lead, and men, in general, are physically stronger. Of course there are many exceptions.
所以,男人真的掌控着世界, 而且数千年前这样是合理的, 因为人类生存的环境, 当务之急是在恶劣环境中求生存。 身体强壮的人更可能做首领, 而男人身体普遍更强壮。 当然也有很多男人很虚。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
But today we live in a vastly different world. The person more likely to lead is not the physically stronger person; it is the more creative person, the more intelligent person, the more innovative person, and there are no hormones for those attributes. A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent, to be creative, to be innovative. We have evolved; but it seems to me that our ideas of gender had not evolved.
但是今天我们生活在完全不同的世界。 现在成为首领的要素, 已经不再是身体强壮, 而是要求有创造力,更加睿智, 更加有创新精神的人, 这些特质都不受荷尔蒙的支配。 在智力上男人女人没有什么差异, 在创新和创造能力上也是如此。 我们在进化; 但是看起来我们的性别观忘记进化了。
Some weeks ago, I walked into a lobby of one of the best Nigerian hotels. I thought about naming the hotel, but I thought I probably shouldn't. And a guard at the entrance stopped me and asked me annoying questions, because their automatic assumption is that a Nigerian female walking into a hotel alone is a sex worker. And by the way, why do these hotels focus on the ostensible supply rather than the demand for sex workers? In Lagos I cannot go alone into many "reputable" bars and clubs. They just don't let you in if you're a woman alone, you have to be accompanied by a man. Each time I walk into a Nigerian restaurant with a man, the waiter greets the man and ignores me. The waiters are products --
几周前,我走进一个酒店大厅,那是 尼日利亚最好的酒店之一。 我在想要不要点出酒店的名字, 但是在这里我想还是算了。 酒店门口的保安拦住了我, 问些让人恼火的问题, 因为他们理所当然的以为, 单独走进酒店的当地女性,一定是妓女。 而且顺带一问, 为什么这些酒店在乎表面的服务 对于性工作者的需求却视而不见? 拉各斯很多有“名望”的酒吧和俱乐部, 我一个人是进不去的。 他们不允许女人单独进入, 你要进去就必须有男人陪着。 每次我带着一个男人进入尼日利亚的餐馆, 服务生总是招呼男人,忽略我。 这些服务生是产品——
(Laughter)
(笑声)
At this some women felt like, "Yes! I thought that!" The waiters are products of a society that has taught them that men are more important than women. And I know that waiters don't intend any harm. But it's one thing to know intellectually and quite another to feel it emotionally. Each time they ignore me, I feel invisible. I feel upset. I want to tell them that I am just as human as the man, that I'm just as worthy of acknowledgment. These are little things, but sometimes it's the little things that sting the most.
这时一些女人的反应是, “没错!我想也是!” 这些服务生是社会的产物 社会教育他们男人比女人重要。 我也知道服务生无意冒犯我。 但是理性分析是一回事, 感觉和情绪是另一回事。 每次我被人忽略,我感到被无视了。 我感到沮丧。 我想告诉他们我也是人,跟男人一样, 我也理应被认可。 这些都是小事, 但有时恰恰是小事最能刺痛你。
And not long ago, I wrote an article about what it means to be young and female in Lagos, and the printers told me, "It was so angry." Of course it was angry!
不久之前,我写了篇文章 描述在拉各斯生活的年轻女性要面对什么, 后来印刷商跟我说, “文章怒气满满啊。” 当然很有怒气了!
(Laughter)
(笑声)
I am angry. Gender as it functions today is a grave injustice. We should all be angry. Anger has a long history of bringing about positive change; but, in addition to being angry, I'm also hopeful. Because I believe deeply in the ability of human beings to make and remake themselves for the better.
我很生气。 性别在今天依然存在着严重的歧视。 我们都应该感到愤怒。 历史上愤怒带来过很多积极的进步; 但是在愤怒之外我还满怀希望。 因为我深深的相信人类有种能力 我们可以不断改变让自己更好。
Gender matters everywhere in the world, but I want to focus on Nigeria and on Africa in general, because it is where I know, and because it is where my heart is. And I would like today to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world, a fairer world, a world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves. And this is how to start: we must raise our daughters differently. We must also raise our sons differently. We do a great disservice to boys on how we raise them; we stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way, masculinity becomes this hard, small cage and we put boys inside the cage. We teach boys to be afraid of fear. We teach boys to be afraid of weakness, of vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves, because they have to be, in Nigerian speak, "hard man!" In secondary school, a boy and a girl, both of them teenagers, both of them with the same amount of pocket money, would go out and then the boy would be expected always to pay, to prove his masculinity. And yet we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.
性别问题在全世界都存在, 但是我聚焦于尼日利亚, 以及整个非洲, 这是我的故乡,我的心之所向。 今天我希望大家 能够开始梦想和筹划一个不一样的世界, 这个世界更加公平, 这个世界男人和女人都更加开心和真实。 我们要从这里开始改变: 我们要改变教育我们女儿的方式。 我们要改变教育我们儿子的方式。 我们培养男孩的方式给他们 带来了极大的伤害: 我们抹掉了男孩子人性的那一面。 我们对男子气概的定义非常狭隘, 男子气概就像是一个坚硬狭小的牢笼, 我们把男孩子塞了进去。 我们让男孩子不敢坦诚自己的害怕。 我们让男孩子不敢暴露自己的脆弱。 我们让男孩子藏起真实的自己, 教他们必须成为尼日利亚人口中的“硬汉”。 在中学,相同年纪的男孩和女孩, 口袋里有同样多的零花钱, 结伴出去玩的时候,男孩默认要付钱, 这样才体现男子气概。 与此同时我们还疑惑为什么男孩喜欢从家里偷钱。
What if both boys and girls were raised not to link masculinity with money? What if the attitude was not "the boy has to pay" but rather "whoever has more should pay?" Now, of course because of that historical advantage, it is mostly men who will have more today, but if we start raising children differently, then in fifty years, in a hundred years, boys will no longer have the pressure of having to prove this masculinity. But by far the worst thing we do to males, by making them feel that they have to be hard, is that we leave them with very fragile egos. The more "hard man" the man feels compelled to be, the weaker his ego is. And then we do a much greater disservice to girls because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of men. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller, we say to girls, "You can have ambition, but not too much."
如果我们在养育男孩和女孩的时候 不把男子气概和钱挂钩会这样? 如果我们把“男孩付钱”的风俗改成 “谁钱多谁付钱”那么会不会更好? 当然,由于历史积累的差异, 绝大部分情况下男人更有钱一些, 但是如果我们开始改变教育孩子的方式, 五十年后,一百年后, 那时男孩子将不再需要被迫证明自己的男子气概。 但是我们对于男人做的最糟糕的事情, 是让他们觉得自己必须要“硬” 却相反的让他们的内心非常脆弱。 一个男人给我的“硬汉”感觉越强烈, 他的内心就越脆弱。 我们教育女孩的方式给她们带来了极大的伤害, 因为我们教育她们去呵护男人的脆弱内心。 我们教育女孩子收敛,放低自己, 对女孩说, “有野心挺好的,但是不要太大。”
(Laughter)
(笑声)
"You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you would threaten the man." If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man, you have to pretend that you're not, especially in public, otherwise you will emasculate him.
“你要努力成功,但是一点点就好,” “不要威胁到男人的地位。” 如果你比你老公更能赚钱养家, 你必须假装赚的没有老公多, 尤其是公开场合, 不然会让你的男人看着不像男人。
But what if we question the premise itself? Why should a woman's success be a threat to a man? What if we decide to simply dispose of that word, and I don't think there's an English word I dislike more than "emasculation." A Nigerian acquaintance once asked me if I was worried that men would be intimidated by me. I was not worried at all. In fact, it had not occurred to me to be worried because a man who would be intimidated by me is exactly the kind of man I would have no interest in.
但是这个前提本身我们是否质疑过呢? 为什么一个女人事业有成就会威胁到男人了? 为什么我们不能够直接弃用那个英语单词, 那个在英语里我最不喜欢的一个词: ”emasculation“(失去男子气概) 一位尼日利亚的朋友问我 是否担心我会吓到男人。 我一点儿也不担心。 事实上也从未担心过 因为一个可能被我(的成功)吓到的人 完全不会是我喜欢的男人类型。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
(Applause)
(掌声)
But still I was really struck by this. Because I'm female, I'm expected to aspire to marriage; I'm expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. A marriage can be a good thing; it can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same?
但是这件事对我触动很大。 因为我是女性,我被要求以婚姻为重。 人们期待我每次的人生选择 都首先要考虑对婚姻可能的影响。 婚姻可以是美好的; 婚姻可以带来快乐、爱和精神支持。 但是我们在培养女孩子的婚姻观的时候, 我们有没有同样的教育男孩子婚姻观?
I know a woman who decided to sell her house because she didn't want to intimidate a man who might marry her. I know an unmarried woman in Nigeria who, when she goes to conferences, wears a wedding ring because according to her, she wants the other participants in the conference to "give her respect." I know young women who are under so much pressure from family, from friends, even from work to get married, and they're pushed to make terrible choices. A woman at a certain age who is unmarried, our society teaches her to see it as a deep, personal failure. And a man at a certain age who is unmarried, we just think he hasn't come around to making his pick.
我认识的一个女人卖掉了自己的房子 因为她不希望让打算娶她的男人感到困扰。 我认识一位尼日利亚的女性,每次出去开会, 都要戴一枚戒指 因为她说, 她希望其他参会人员“尊重她”。 我知道年轻女人的压力有多大 亲朋好友都逼着她结婚, 有些在这样的压力下做了糟糕的选择。 一个女人到了一定年龄还没嫁出去, 舆论会让她觉得这是极大的个人失败。 一个男人到了一定年龄还没有结婚, 我们会说他仅仅是还没有遇到合适的。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
It's easy for us to say, "Oh, but women can just say no to all of this." But the reality is more difficult and more complex. We're all social beings. We internalize ideas from our socialization. Even the language we use in talking about marriage and relationships illustrates this. The language of marriage is often the language of ownership rather than the language of partnership. We use the word "respect" to mean something a woman shows a man but often not something a man shows a woman.
我们很容易这么说, “哦,但是女人可以说不呀。” 但是现实要复杂和困难的多。 我们都是社会的一份子。 我们内在的想法来自我们所处的社会。 甚至我们谈论婚姻时 我们的语言都会对我们有影响。 我们的语言描述婚姻更像是一种所有关系, 而不是一种对等的伙伴关系。 我们使用“尊重”一词 来更多的描述女人对男人的态度 而不是男人对女人的态度。
Both men and women in Nigeria will say -- this is an expression I'm very amused by -- "I did it for peace in my marriage." Now, when men say it, it is usually about something that they should not be doing anyway.
尼日利亚的男人和女人都会说—— 这是我非常着迷的一个现象—— “我做这个是为了维持这个家。” 当男人这么说的时候, 通常是指那些他们本来就不应该做的事情。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Sometimes they say it to their friends, it's something to say to their friends in a kind of fondly exasperated way, you know, something that ultimately proves how masculine they are, how needed, how loved. "Oh, my wife said I can't go to the club every night, so for peace in my marriage, I do it only on weekends."
有时男人会跟朋友说, 有时男人会对他的朋友用一种 深情又有点恼怒的口气, 你知道就是那种最能够体现 他们男子气概的方式 充满了爱和体贴。 “哎呀,我妻子不让我每天晚上来俱乐部,” “所以为了这个家我只有周末来。”
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Now, when a woman says, "I did it for peace in my marriage," she's usually talking about giving up a job, a dream, a career. We teach females that in relationships, compromise is what women do. We raise girls to see each other as competitors -- not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. If we have sons, we don't mind knowing about our sons' girlfriends. But our daughters' boyfriends? God forbid.
但是当一个女人说出同样这句 “我做这个是为了这个家” 她说的是放弃一份工作, 放弃梦想, 放弃事业。 我们教育妇女在为了维持婚姻, 妥协退让是女人的本分。 我们教育女孩们将对方视为竞争者—— 不是工作或成就上的竞争者, ——这种竞争我觉得很好, 而是为了吸引男人而竞争。 我们告诉女孩子不能打扮太性感 而对男孩子就无所谓。 如果我们的儿子有了女朋友,我们不会介意。 但是女儿有了男朋友?绝对不行。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
But of course when the time is right, we expect those girls to bring back the perfect man to be their husbands. We police girls, we praise girls for virginity, but we don't praise boys for virginity, and it's always made me wonder how exactly this is supposed to work out because ...
当然等到了合适的时间, 我们期待这些女孩能带回来一个 完美的男人成为她的丈夫。 我们约束女孩要求她们保持童贞。 但是我们不要求男孩保持童贞。 这一直让我觉得很好奇 事情怎么能运转起来…
(Laughter)
(笑声)
(Applause)
(掌声)
I mean, the loss of virginity is usually a process that involves ...
我的意思是,失去童真的过程 通常需要一男一女…
Recently a young woman was gang raped in a university in Nigeria, I think some of us know about that. And the response of many young Nigerians, both male and female, was something along the lines of this: "Yes, rape is wrong. But what is a girl doing in a room with four boys?" Now, if we can forget the horrible inhumanity of that response, these Nigerians have been raised to think of women as inherently guilty, and they have been raised to expect so little of men that the idea of men as savage beings without any control is somehow acceptable. We teach girls shame. "Close your legs." "Cover yourself." We make them feel as though by being born female they're already guilty of something. And so, girls grow up to be women who cannot see they have desire. They grow up to be women who silence themselves. They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think, and they grow up -- and this is the worst thing we did to girls -- they grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an art form.
最近一名女孩在尼日利亚大学被轮奸, 我想在做的各位可能听说了。 很多尼日利亚人,包括男人和女人, 他们的态度是这样的: “没错,强奸犯法,” “但是一个女孩为什么要跟 四个男孩共处一室呢?” 现在让我们先忽略掉这个反应的 冷血无情的部分, 这些尼日利亚人收到的教育 默认女人天生是有罪的, 他们的教育也告诉他们 不要对男人的自控能力预期太高 做出兽行也是能理解的。 我们教育女孩要知道羞耻。 “腿夹紧。” “别穿那么暴露。” 我们让女孩觉得生而为女人 天生就是有罪的。 因此,女孩长大成女人 也对自己的渴望视而不见。 她们变成压抑自己的女人。 她们变成不能直抒己见的女人, 她们长大后—— 这是我们对女孩做的最糟糕的事情—— 她们长大之后把这种假装当作一种艺术。
(Applause)
(掌声)
I know a woman who hates domestic work, she just hates it, but she pretends that she likes it, because she's been taught that to be "good wife material" she has to be -- to use that Nigerian word -- very "homely." And then she got married, and after a while her husband's family began to complain that she had changed.
我知道一个女人,厌恶做家务, 不喜欢做家务, 但是她假装自己很喜欢, 因为她觉得这是“好妻子必备素质” 她不得不表现的——用尼日利亚的话说—— 非常“居家”。 等她结婚了, 没过多久她的婆家开始抱怨她变了。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Actually, she had not changed, she just got tired of pretending.
实际上她没变, 她就是不想再装了。
The problem with gender, is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are.
性别问题, 在于它规定了我们应该是什么样子, 而不能发现我们为什么是现在这个样子。
Now imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn't have the weight of gender expectations. Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the differences and then it becomes a self-fulfilling process. Now, take cooking for example. Today women in general are more likely to do the housework than men, the cooking and cleaning. But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene?
现在想想一下如果我们放下 性别形象带来的负担,我们将会多么的快乐, 多么的自由,释放真正的自我。 男性和女性在生理结构上 毫无疑问是有差异的, 但是社会结构夸大了这种差异, 并使得这种差异被累积和加深。 现在,以做饭为例。 在今天女人一般比男人要多做家务, 例如做饭和打扫。 但是为什么呢? 难道女人有做饭基因?
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? Actually, I was going to say that maybe women are born with a cooking gene, until I remember that the majority of the famous cooks in the world, whom we give the fancy title of "chefs," are men.
还是说是社会观念觉得 做饭是女性应该做的? 实际上我一度觉得女人确实有烹饪的基因, 直到我意识到这个世界上有名的厨子, 那些我们冠以“大厨”头衔的人, 都是男人。
I used to look up to my grandmother who was a brilliant, brilliant woman, and wonder how she would have been if she had the same opportunities as men when she was growing up.
我时常回忆起我的外婆 一位非常睿智的女人, 我很好奇如果她在成长过程中 有跟男孩同样的机会, 会达到什么成就。
Now today, there are many more opportunities for women than there were during my grandmother's time because of changes in policy, changes in law, all of which are very important. But what matters even more is our attitude, our mindset, what we believe and what we value about gender. What if in raising children we focus on ability instead of gender? What if in raising children we focus on interest instead of gender?
今天的女人有了很多机会 是我外婆那一辈所没有的 这得益于国家政策以及法律的改变, 每一项改变都非常重要。 但是更重要的改变是我们的 态度和思维模式, 在性别问题上我们的信念和价值观。 如果我们关注能力而不是性别 我们抚养孩子会有怎样的不同? 如果我们关注于兴趣而不是性别呢?
I know a family who have a son and a daughter, both of whom are brilliant at school, who are wonderful, lovely children. When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl, "Go and cook Indomie noodles for your brother."
我认识一家人,有一儿一女, 儿女在学校表现都很好, 都是讨人喜欢的孩子。 当儿子饿了的时候, 父母会对女儿说, “去给你哥哥煮碗面条。”
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Now, the daughter doesn't particularly like to cook Indomie noodles, but she's a girl, and so she has to. Now, what if the parents, from the beginning, taught both the boy and the girl to cook Indomie? Cooking, by the way, is a very useful skill for boys to have. I've never thought it made sense to leave such a crucial thing, the ability to nourish oneself --
小女孩并不喜欢煮面条, 但是她是女孩,她不得不去做。 现在,如果这对父母, 从一开始, 就让男孩女孩都去煮面条? 顺带一提做饭对于男孩也是非常重要的技能。 我从未想过将喂饱自己这样重要的能力 交由他人之手
(Laughter)
(笑声)
in the hands of others.
有什么意义。
(Applause)
(掌声)
I know a woman who has the same degree and the same job as her husband. When they get back from work, she does most of the housework, which I think is true for many marriages. But what struck me about them was that whenever her husband changed the baby's diaper, she said "thank you" to him. Now, what if she saw this as perfectly normal and natural that he should, in fact, care for his child?
我认识一个女人跟她的丈夫 有同样的学历和工作, 下班回到家之后,是妻子承担了 绝大部分的家务, 我想大部分婚姻里都是如此。 但是真正让我震惊的, 是每当她的丈夫给孩子换尿布的时候, 妻子都要对丈夫说“谢谢你。” 现在,如果她觉得一切都是顺理成章的呢? 丈夫本来就需要照顾自己的孩子不是么?
(Laughter)
(笑声)
I'm trying to unlearn many of the lessons of gender that I internalized when I was growing up. But I sometimes still feel very vulnerable in the face of gender expectations. The first time I taught a writing class in graduate school, I was worried. I wasn't worried about the material I would teach because I was well-prepared, and I was going to teach what I enjoy teaching. Instead, I was worried about what to wear. I wanted to be taken seriously. I knew that because I was female I will automatically have to prove my worth. And I was worried that if I looked too feminine, I would not be taken seriously. I really wanted to wear my shiny lip gloss and my girly skirt, but I decided not to. Instead, I wore a very serious, very manly and very ugly suit.
我一直尝试摆脱我在成长过程中内化的 那些对性别的要求和预期。 但是有时候我依然觉得面对 性别预期时非常的脆弱。 当我第一次在一所中学教写作的时候, 我很担心。 我不担心教学内容 因为我准备的很充分 而且我要教的正好也是我非常喜欢的。 我担心的是我要穿什么衣服。 我希望被严肃地对待。 我知道仅仅因为我是女性, 我就自然的需要证明自己的价值。 同时我担心如果我穿得太女性化, 我会被人轻视。 我真的很想涂闪闪的唇彩, 穿很女人的衬衫, 但是我决定算了。 相反的我穿了一件非常正式的 男性化的丑陋的西服。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Because the sad truth is that when it comes to appearance we start off with men as the standard, as the norm. If a man is getting ready for a business meeting, he doesn't worry about looking too masculine and therefore not being taken for granted. If a woman has to get ready for business meeting, she has to worry about looking too feminine and what it says and whether or not she will be taken seriously.
因为可悲的真相是涉及到衣着时, 我们将男人视为标准和典范。 如果一个男人准备好参加工作会议, 他不需要担心穿着上是否够男子气 因为别人本来就认可他。 当一个女人准备好参加工作会议, 她需要担心是否穿得太女性化 需要担心别人是否因此轻视她。
I wish I had not worn that ugly suit that day. I've actually banished it from my closet, by the way. Had I then the confidence that I have now to be myself, my students would have benefited even more from my teaching, because I would have been more comfortable and more fully and more truly myself. I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness and for my femininity.
我希望我那天并没有穿那件丑陋的西服。 顺带一提我已经扔掉了那件西服。 当年缺乏的自信,现在我已经有了, 我的学生可以从我这里学到更多, 因为我(在课堂上)更加的舒适放松 展现更加真实和完整的自我。 我选择不再因为我的女性化 和女权主张而不安。
(Applause)
(掌声)
And I want to be respected in all of my femaleness because I deserve to be. Gender is not an easy conversation to have. For both men and women, to bring up gender is sometimes to encounter almost immediate resistance. I can imagine some people here are actually thinking, "Women too do sef." Some of the men here might be thinking, "OK, all of this is interesting, but I don't think like that." And that is part of the problem.
而且我希望的是我的所有 女性特点都被尊重, 因为我值得被尊重。 性别问题谈论起来并不容易。 无论男人还是女人, 挑起性别话题有时候会遇到 条件反射式的反弹。 我能想象有些人实际上的想法是, “女人也是自私的。” 在座的某些男性可能会想, “好吧,听起来很有道理,” “但是我不这么看。” 这是部分问题所在。
That many men do not actively think about gender or notice gender is part of the problem of gender. That many men, say, like my friend Louis, that everything is fine now. And that many men do nothing to change it. If you are a man and you walk into a restaurant with a woman and the waiter greets only you, does it occur to you to ask the waiter, "Why haven't you greeted her?" Because gender can be --
很多男人并没有主动的察觉到性别 或者意识到性别 是性别问题的一部分。 很多男人,例如我的朋友Louis, 觉得现在一切都很完美。 这使得很多男人对改变现状没有任何贡献。 如果你是一个男人,带着一个女人, 走进一家餐馆, 如果服务生只跟你打招呼, 你有没有问过服务生, “为什么你不向她问好?” 因为性别可以——
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Actually, we may repose part of a longer version of this talk. So, because gender can be a very uncomfortable conversation to have, there are very easy ways to close it, to close the conversation. So some people will bring up evolutionary biology and apes, how, you know, female apes bow down to male apes and that sort of thing. But the point is we're not apes.
实际上我们如果有时间可以 继续扩展一下这段对话。 因为性别问题谈论起来非常叫人不舒服, 所以很容易话题就被中断了。 有些人可能会提到演化论和猿人, 讲起女猿人如何顺从男猿人 以及如此种种。 但问题是我们不是猴子。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
(Applause)
(掌声)
Apes also live on trees and have earthworms for breakfast, and we don't. Some people will say, "Well, poor men also have a hard time." And this is true. But that is not what this --
猿人长在树上,吃蚯蚓当早饭, 我们不是。 有人会反驳说,“穷男人也很艰难。” 话是不假。 但是毫不相干——
(Laughter)
(笑声)
But this is not what this conversation is about. Gender and class are different forms of oppression. I actually learned quite a bit about systems of oppression and how they can be blind to one another by talking to black men.
这跟我们谈论的性别问题完全无关。 性别和社会等级是不同的被压抑的问题。 我实际上从过跟一个黑人男性的聊天 发现了不同的被压抑的问题之间 是完全无视对方存在的。
I was once talking to a black man about gender and he said to me, "Why do you have to say 'my experience as a woman'? Why can't it be 'your experience as a human being'?" Now, this was the same man who would often talk about his experience as a black man.
我曾经跟一个黑人男性聊起来性别问题 他跟我说, “为什么你们要谈论‘我做为女人的经历’?” “为什么不去说” “‘你做为人的经验’?” 但是呢,同样这个男人 却经常那自己的黑人身份说事儿。
Gender matters. Men and women experience the world differently. Gender colors the way we experience the world. But we can change that.
性别很重要。 男人女人对世界的认知是不同的。 性别让我们带着有色眼镜去看世界。 但是我们可以改变。
Some people will say, "Oh, but women have the real power, bottom power." And for non-Nigerians, bottom power is an expression which I suppose means something like a woman who uses her sexuality to get favors from men. But bottom power is not power at all. Bottom power means that a woman simply has a good root to tap into, from time to time -- somebody else's power. And then, of course, we have to wonder what happens when that somebody else is in a bad mood, or sick or impotent.
有人会说, “嗯,但是女人有实际的权利,” “屁股力量(bottom power)。” 我来解释一下,屁股力量表的思是 类似一个女人利用她的性魅力 吸引并影响一个男人的能力。 但是屁股力量根本不是什么力量。 屁股力量意味着一个女人 只是有很好的能力—— 一次又一次地—— 借助别人的力量。 然后,我们理所当然的担心 如果借助力量的那个人脾气很糟, 或者生病了, 或者是无能的。
(Laughter)
(笑声)
Some people will say that a woman being subordinate to a man is our culture. But culture is constantly changing. I have beautiful twin nieces who are fifteen and live in Lagos. If they had been born a hundred years ago they would have been taken away and killed. Because it was our culture, it was our culture to kill twins.
有人说女人屈服于男人是我们的文化。 但是文化是在不断变化的。 我有两个美丽的侄女, 生活在拉各斯,刚满15岁。 如果她俩出生在一百年之前 她们会被丢弃并杀死。 因为过去我们的文化是要杀掉双胞胎的。
So what is the point of culture? I mean there's the decorative, the dancing ... but also, culture really is about preservation and continuity of a people. In my family, I am the child who is most interested in the story of who we are, in our traditions, in the knowledge about ancestral lands. My brothers are not as interested as I am. But I cannot participate, I cannot go to umunna meetings, I cannot have a say. Because I'm female. Culture does not make people, people make culture. So if it is in fact true --
所以文化的点在哪里? 我的意思是文化包含了建筑装饰, 舞蹈等等 但是同时,文化真实的意思是 对人的保护和传承 在我家, 我是对于家族的历史,我们的文化传统, 以及我们先辈土地上的故事, 最感兴趣的一个。 我的兄弟没有我这么有兴趣。 但是我不能参加氏族会议, 我没法旁听, 我也无权发言。 因为我是女性。 文化不会塑造人, 人创造文化。 如果这是真的——
(Applause)
(掌声)
So if it is in fact true that the full humanity of women is not our culture, then we must make it our culture.
如果我们的文化中 真的没有把女性当作完整的人来看待, 那么我们需要创造这样的文化。
I think very often of my dear friend, Okoloma Maduewesi. May he and all the others who passed away in that Sosoliso crash continue to rest in peace. He will always be remembered by those of us who loved him. And he was right that day many years ago when he called me a feminist.
我时常想起我的朋友, Okoloma Maduewesi。 希望他和其他所有在 Sosoliso 空难中逝去的人 能够安息。 他将被爱他的人永远铭记。 是他第一次叫我女权主义者, 而且他说的没错。
I am a feminist. And when I looked up the word in the dictionary that day, this is what it said: "Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes." My great grandmother, from the stories I've heard, was a feminist. She ran away from the house of the man she did not want to marry and ended up marrying the man of her choice. She refused, she protested, she spoke up whenever she felt she was being deprived of access, of land, that sort of thing.
我就是一个女权主义者。 那天我打开字典查阅这个词, 字典里这么写道: “女权主义者:一个相信在性别上,社会地位、” “政治地位、经济地位平等的人。” 我的曾外婆,从我听到的故事里, 她是是女权主义者。 她因为不想跟不喜欢的男人结婚而出走, 并最终跟自己爱的男人结婚。 她抗拒,她斗争,她直言不讳 每当她觉得自己的权利被剥夺时都是如此。
My great grandmother did not know that word "feminist," but it doesn't mean that she wasn't one. More of us should reclaim that word. My own definition of feminist is: "A feminist is a man or a woman who says --
我的曾外婆那时候不知道“女权主义者”这个词。 但是她确实是女权主义者。 我们应该更多的把这个词汇用起来。 我对女权主义的定义是: “女权主义者是一个男人或女人, 主张——
(Laughter)
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A feminist is a man or a woman who says, "Yes, there's a problem with gender as it is today, and we must fix it. We must do better." The best feminist I know is my brother Kene. He's also a kind, good-looking, lovely man, and he's very masculine.
“女权主义者是一个男人或女人,主张 “是的,当今社会性别问题依然存在 而且我们要修复它。 我们可以做得更好。” 我知道的最优秀的女权主义者 是我的哥哥Kene。 他是一个和善、英俊、可爱的男人, 而且他非常有男子气概。
Thank you.
谢谢。
(Applause)
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