So I would like to start by telling you about one of my greatest friends, Okoloma Maduewesi. Okoloma lived on my street and looked after me like a big brother. If I liked a boy, I would ask Okoloma's opinion. Okoloma died in the notorious Sosoliso plane crash in Nigeria in December of 2005. Almost exactly seven years ago. Okoloma was a person I could argue with, laugh with and truly talk to. He was also the first person to call me a feminist.
Započela bih pričom o jednome od mojih najboljih prijatelja, ime mu je Okoloma Maduewesi. Okoloma je živio u mojoj ulici i pazio me poput starijeg brata. Kad mi se netko sviđao, pitala bih Okolomu za mišljenje. Okoloma je umro u velikoj avionskoj nesreći u Sosolisu u Nigeriji, u prosincu 2005. Gotovo prije točno 7 godina. Okoloma je bio osoba s kojom sam se mogla svađati, smijati i pričati. Također je bio prva osoba koja me prozvala feministom.
I was about fourteen, we were at his house, arguing. Both of us bristling with half bit knowledge from books that we had read. I don't remember what this particular argument was about, but I remember that as I argued and argued, Okoloma looked at me and said, "You know, you're a feminist." It was not a compliment.
Bilo mi je oko 14 godina, bili smo kod njega i svađali smo se. Oboje nakostriješeni s polovičnim znanjem iz knjiga koje smo pročitali. Ne sjećam se o čemu je točno ova prepirka bila, ali sjećam se da sam se svađala i svađala... Okoloma me pogledao i rekao, "Znaš, ti si feminist." To nije bio kompliment.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
I could tell from his tone, the same tone that you would use to say something like, "You're a supporter of terrorism."
Mogla sam to shvatiti iz tona, istog onog tona koji biste koristili da kažete nešto poput, "Ti podržavaš terorizam."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
I did not know exactly what this word "feminist" meant, and I did not want Okoloma to know that I did not know. So I brushed it aside, and I continued to argue. And the first thing I planned to do when I got home was to look up the word "feminist" in the dictionary.
Nisam znala točno što znači ta riječ "feminist", a nisam htjela to Okolomi dati do znanja. Pa sam to zanemarila i nastavila se prepirati. Prvo što sam planirala učiniti kad sam stigla kući bilo je provjeriti značenje riječi "feminist".
Now fast forward to some years later, I wrote a novel about a man who among other things beats his wife and whose story doesn't end very well. While I was promoting the novel in Nigeria, a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man, told me he wanted to advise me. And for the Nigerians here, I'm sure we're all familiar with how quick our people are to give unsolicited advice. He told me that people were saying that my novel was feminist and his advice to me -- and he was shaking his head sadly as he spoke -- was that I should never call myself a feminist because feminists are women who are unhappy because they cannot find husbands.
Nekoliko godina kasnije, napisala sam roman o muškarcu koji, između ostalog, tuče suprugu i čija priča ne završi baš dobro. Dok sam promovirala roman u Nigeriji, novinar, drag čovjek dobrih namjera, kaže mi da mi želi dati savjet. Nigerijcima danas ovdje je sigurno poznato kako brzo naši ljudi daju savjete koje nitko nije tražio. Rekao mi je da ljudi govore da je moj roman feministički i njegov savjet meni -- tužno je odmahivao glavom dok je pričao -- bio je da se ne smijem nazivati feministkinjom jer feministkinje su žene koje su nesretne jer ne mogu naći muža.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
So I decided to call myself "a happy feminist." Then an academic, a Nigerian woman told me that feminism was not our culture and that feminism wasn't African, and that I was calling myself a feminist because I had been corrupted by "Western books." Which amused me, because a lot of my early readings were decidedly unfeminist. I think I must have read every single Mills & Boon romance published before I was sixteen. And each time I tried to read those books called "the feminist classics," I'd get bored, and I really struggled to finish them. But anyway, since feminism was un-African, I decided that I would now call myself "a happy African feminist." At some point I was a happy African feminist who does not hate men and who likes lip gloss and who wears high heels for herself but not for men.
Tako sam se odlučila nazivati "sretnom feministkinjom." Onda je obrazovana žena iz Nigerije rekla da feminizam nije naša kultura i da feminizam nije afrički, te da se nazivam feministkinjom jer su me pokvarile "zapadnjačke knjige." To me nasmijalo jer su mnoga djela koja sam tada čitala bila izraženo nefeministička. Mislim da sam pročitala sve do jednog Mills & Boon ljubića do svoje šesnaeste godine. I svaki put kad sam pokušala čitati knjige koje se nazivaju "feministički klasici", bilo bi mi dosadno i baš sam se mučila dovršiti ih. No, kako je feminizam bio neafrički, odlučila sam da ću se od tada zvati "sretna afrička feministkinja." U jednom trenutku bila sam sretna afrička feministkinja koja ne mrzi muškarce i koja voli sjajilo za usne i koja nosi visoke pete za sebe a ne za muškarce.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Of course a lot of this was tongue-in-cheek, but that word feminist is so heavy with baggage, negative baggage. You hate men, you hate bras, you hate African culture, that sort of thing.
Naravno da je većina ovoga bila u šali, ali ta riječ feminist nosi tako puno negativnosti. Mrziš muškarce, mrziš grudnjake, mrziš afričku kulturu, u tom smislu.
Now here's a story from my childhood. When I was in primary school, my teacher said at the beginning of term that she would give the class a test and whoever got the highest score would be the class monitor. Now, class monitor was a big deal. If you were a class monitor, you got to write down the names of noisemakers --
Sad da vam ispričam priču iz djetinjstva. Kad sam išla u osnovnu školu, učiteljica je početkom polugodišta rekla da će razredu dati test i tko god bude imao najviše bodova taj će biti redar. Redarstvo je bila velika stvar. Kao redar zapisivali ste imena galamdžija --
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
which was having enough power of its own. But my teacher would also give you a cane to hold in your hand while you walk around and patrol the class for noisemakers. Now, of course you were not actually allowed to use the cane. But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me. I very much wanted to be the class monitor. And I got the highest score on the test. Then, to my surprise, my teacher said that the monitor had to be a boy. She had forgotten to make that clear earlier because she assumed it was ... obvious.
što je samo po sebi velika moć. No, učiteljica bi također dala i štap koji biste držali u ruci prilikom šetnje i patroliranja po učionici. Naravno, nije bilo dozvoljeno koristiti štap, ali za devetogodišnju mene to je bila uzbudljiva pomisao. Itekako sam željela biti redar. I dobila sam najviše bodova u tom testu. Zatim je, na moje iznenađenje, učiteljica rekla da redar mora biti dečko. Zaboravila je to pojasniti ranije jer je pretpostavljala da je ... očito.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
A boy had the second highest score on the test, and he would be monitor. Now, what was even more interesting about this is that the boy was a sweet, gentle soul who had no interest in patrolling the class with the cane, while I was full of ambition to do so. But I was female and he was male, and so he became the class monitor. And I've never forgotten that incident.
Dječak je imao drugi najviši rezultat u testu i on će postati redar. Ono što je još zanimljivije u ovom slučaju je da je dječak bio slatka nježna duša koju nije zanimalo patroliranje po razredu sa štapom dok sam ja imala sve ambicije za to. No, ja sam žensko, a on je muško, pa je tako on postao redar. Nikad nisam zaboravila taj incident.
I often make the mistake of thinking that something that is obvious to me is just as obvious to everyone else. Now, take my dear friend Louis for example. Louis is a brilliant, progressive man, and we would have conversations and he would tell me, "I don't know what you mean by things being different or harder for women. Maybe in the past, but not now." And I didn't understand how Louis could not see what seems so self-evident. Then one evening, in Lagos, Louis and I went out with friends. And for people here who are not familiar with Lagos, there's that wonderful Lagos' fixture, the sprinkling of energetic men who hang around outside establishments and very dramatically "help" you park your car. I was impressed with the particular theatrics of the man who found us a parking spot that evening. And so as we were leaving, I decided to leave him a tip. I opened my bag, put my hand inside my bag, brought out my money that I had earned from doing my work, and I gave it to the man. And he, this man who was very grateful and very happy, took the money from me, looked across at Louis and said, "Thank you, sir!"
Često pogriješim misleći da je ono što je meni očito jednako očito i svima drugima. Uzmimo, za primjer, mog prijatelja Louisa. Louis je briljantan progresivan muškarac s kojim bih vodila razgovore i rekao bi mi, "Ne znam kako to misliš da je ženama drugačije ili teže. Možda nekad prije, ali ne sada." Nisam razumjela kako Louis nije vidio ono što se činilo očitim. Onda smo jedne večeri, u Lagosu, Louis i ja izašli s prijateljima. Za vas koji niste upoznati s Lagosom, postoji jedna predivna stalna pojava, nekolicina energičnih muškaraca koji se smucaju ispred ustanova i dramatično vam "pomažu" parkirati vaš automobil. Zadivila me ta posebna teatralnost muškarca koji nam je našao parkirno mjesto tu večer. Na odlasku sam mu odlučila dati napojnicu. Otvorila sam svoju torbu, posegnula unutra, izvadila svoj novac koji sam zaradila na svome poslu i dala ga muškarcu. A taj muškarac koji je bio jako zahvalan i sretan, uzeo je novac od mene, pogledao Louisa i rekao "Hvala Vam, gospodine!"
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Louis looked at me, surprised, and asked, "Why is he thanking me? I didn't give him the money." Then I saw realization dawn on Louis' face. The man believed that whatever money I had had ultimately come from Louis. Because Louis is a man.
Louis me pogledao, iznenađen, i upitao, "Zašto meni zahvaljuje? Nisam mu ja dao novac." Tada sam na Louisovom licu uočila da počinje shvaćati. Muškarac je vjerovao da novac koji mu ja dajem mora svakako dolaziti od Louisa. Jer, Louis je muškarac.
Men and women are different. We have different hormones, we have different sexual organs, we have different biological abilities. Women can have babies, men can't. At least not yet.
Muškarci i žene su različiti. Imamo različite hormone, različite seksualne organe, različite biološke sposobnosti. Žene mogu roditi, muškarci ne. Barem, ne zasad.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Men have testosterone and are in general physically stronger than women. There's slightly more women than men in the world, about 52 percent of the world's population is female. But most of the positions of power and prestige are occupied by men. The late Kenyan Nobel Peace laureate, Wangari Maathai, put it simply and well when she said: "The higher you go, the fewer women there are." In the recent US elections we kept hearing of the Lilly Ledbetter law, and if we go beyond the nicely alliterative name of that law, it was really about a man and a woman doing the same job, being equally qualified, and the man being paid more because he's a man.
Muškarci imaju testosteron i općenito su fizički snažniji od žena. Nešto je više žena nego muškaraca na svijetu, oko 52 posto svjetske populacije su žene. No, većinu moćnih i prestižnih mjesta zauzimaju muškarci. Pokojna kenijska nobelovka, Wangari Maathai, rekla je jednostavno i sažeto: "Što više ideš, manje je žena." Tijekom američkih izbora, stalno se spominjao Zakon Lilly Ledbetter, a ako pogledamo poviše lijepog aliterativnog imena tog zakona, zapravo se radi o muškarcu i ženi koji rade isti posao, s jednakim kvalifikacijama, a muškarac je plaćen više jer je muškarac.
So in the literal way, men rule the world, and this made sense a thousand years ago because human beings lived then in a world in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival. The physically stronger person was more likely to lead, and men, in general, are physically stronger. Of course there are many exceptions.
Tako da, doslovno, muškarci vladaju svijetom, što je imalo smisla prije tisuću godina jer su ljudska bića živjela u svijetu u kojem je fizička snaga bila najvažniji atribut za opstanak. Fizički snažnija osoba je imala više šanse za vodstvo, a muškarci, općenito, jesu fizički snažniji. Naravno, ima puno iznimki.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
But today we live in a vastly different world. The person more likely to lead is not the physically stronger person; it is the more creative person, the more intelligent person, the more innovative person, and there are no hormones for those attributes. A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent, to be creative, to be innovative. We have evolved; but it seems to me that our ideas of gender had not evolved.
No, danas živimo u bitno drugačijem svijetu. Osoba koja ima najveće šanse za vodstvo nije fizički snažnija osoba; to je osoba koja je kreativnija, osoba koja je inteligentnija, osoba koja je inovativnija, a za te atribute ne postoje hormoni. Muškarac ima jednake šanse da bude inteligentan, da bude kreativan, da bude inovativan. Evoluirali smo; ali čini mi se da nam ideje o rodu nisu evoluirale.
Some weeks ago, I walked into a lobby of one of the best Nigerian hotels. I thought about naming the hotel, but I thought I probably shouldn't. And a guard at the entrance stopped me and asked me annoying questions, because their automatic assumption is that a Nigerian female walking into a hotel alone is a sex worker. And by the way, why do these hotels focus on the ostensible supply rather than the demand for sex workers? In Lagos I cannot go alone into many "reputable" bars and clubs. They just don't let you in if you're a woman alone, you have to be accompanied by a man. Each time I walk into a Nigerian restaurant with a man, the waiter greets the man and ignores me. The waiters are products --
Prije nekoliko tjedana, ušla sam u jedan od najboljih nigerijskih hotela. Htjela sam osloviti hotel, ali mislim da ipak ne bih trebala. Zaštitar na ulazu me zaustavio i postavljao mi neprijatna pitanja jer je njegova automatska pretpostavka bila da je nigerijka koja sama dolazi u hotel - prostitutka. Usput, zašto se ti hoteli fokusiraju na navodnu ponudu umjesto na potražnju za prostitutkama? U Lagosu ne mogu sama ući u mnoge "ugledne" barove i klubove. Ne puštaju žene same unutra, mora vas pratiti muškarac. Svaki put kad uđem u nigerijski restoran s muškarcem, konobar pozdravi muškarca, a mene ignorira. Konobari su proizvod --
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
At this some women felt like, "Yes! I thought that!" The waiters are products of a society that has taught them that men are more important than women. And I know that waiters don't intend any harm. But it's one thing to know intellectually and quite another to feel it emotionally. Each time they ignore me, I feel invisible. I feel upset. I want to tell them that I am just as human as the man, that I'm just as worthy of acknowledgment. These are little things, but sometimes it's the little things that sting the most.
Sad su neke žene pomislile, "Da! To i ja mislim!" Konobari su proizvodi društva koje ih je naučilo da su muškarci važniji od žena. Znam da konobari ne misle ništa zlo. No, jedno je znati to intelektualno, a sasvim drugo osjetiti to emocionalno. Svaki put kad me ignoriraju osjećam se nevidljivom. Uzrujam se. Želim im reći da sam i ja jednako tako čovjek kao i muškarac, da jednako tako zavrjeđujem priznanje. To su sitnice, ali ponekad sitnice najjače bole.
And not long ago, I wrote an article about what it means to be young and female in Lagos, and the printers told me, "It was so angry." Of course it was angry!
Nedavno sam napisala članak o tome što to znači biti mlada žena u Lagosu i izdavači su mi rekli, "Zvuči tako ljutito." Naravno da je ljutito!
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
I am angry. Gender as it functions today is a grave injustice. We should all be angry. Anger has a long history of bringing about positive change; but, in addition to being angry, I'm also hopeful. Because I believe deeply in the ability of human beings to make and remake themselves for the better.
Ja jesam ljuta. Rod onako kako funkcionira danas je strašna nepravda. Svi bismo trebali biti ljuti. Ljutnja ima dugu povijest povlačenja pozitivne promjene; no, uz to što sam ljuta, također sam puna nade. Duboko vjerujem u sposobnost ljudskih bića da budu bolji.
Gender matters everywhere in the world, but I want to focus on Nigeria and on Africa in general, because it is where I know, and because it is where my heart is. And I would like today to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world, a fairer world, a world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves. And this is how to start: we must raise our daughters differently. We must also raise our sons differently. We do a great disservice to boys on how we raise them; we stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way, masculinity becomes this hard, small cage and we put boys inside the cage. We teach boys to be afraid of fear. We teach boys to be afraid of weakness, of vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves, because they have to be, in Nigerian speak, "hard man!" In secondary school, a boy and a girl, both of them teenagers, both of them with the same amount of pocket money, would go out and then the boy would be expected always to pay, to prove his masculinity. And yet we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.
Rod je važan svugdje u svijetu, ali želim se fokusirati na Nigeriju i na Afriku općenito, jer to poznajem i zato što mi je tamo srce. Danas želim zamoliti da počnemo sanjati i planirati drugačiji svijet, pošteniji svijet, svijet sretnijih muškaraca i žena koji su vjerniji sami sebi. Evo kako početi: moramo naše kćerke odgajati drugačije. Moramo također i naše sinove odgajati drugačije. Ne činimo uslugu dječacima s obzirom na to kako ih odgajamo; gušimo ljudskost dječaka. Imamo jako usku definiciju muževnosti tako da ona postaje čvrst mali kavez u koji stavljamo dječake. Učimo dječake da se boje straha. Učimo dječake da se boje slabosti, osjetljivosti. Učimo ih da prikriju svoje pravo ja, jer moraju biti, kako kažu u Nigeriji, "čvrsti muškarci!" U srednjoj školi, dječak i djevojčica, oboje tinejdžeri, oboje s istim džeparcem, izašli bi i onda bi se uvijek od dječaka očekivalo da plati kako bi dokazao svoju muževnost. A ipak se pitamo zašto dječaci češće kradu novac od svojih roditelja.
What if both boys and girls were raised not to link masculinity with money? What if the attitude was not "the boy has to pay" but rather "whoever has more should pay?" Now, of course because of that historical advantage, it is mostly men who will have more today, but if we start raising children differently, then in fifty years, in a hundred years, boys will no longer have the pressure of having to prove this masculinity. But by far the worst thing we do to males, by making them feel that they have to be hard, is that we leave them with very fragile egos. The more "hard man" the man feels compelled to be, the weaker his ego is. And then we do a much greater disservice to girls because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of men. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller, we say to girls, "You can have ambition, but not too much."
Što da su i dječaci i djevojčice odgajani tako da ne povezuju muževnost s novcem? Što da stav nije "dečko mora platiti" nego "tko god ima više treba platiti?" Naravno, zbog te povijesne prednosti, uglavnom su muškarci ti koji danas imaju više, ali počnemo li djecu odgajati drugačije, onda za pedeset ili sto godina dječaci više neće biti pod pritiskom da dokažu svoju muževnost. No, daleko najgore što činimo muškima, čineći da osjećaju da moraju biti čvrsti, je to što im usađujemo jako krhki ego. Što više muškarac osjeća da mora biti "čvrst", to mu je slabiji ego. Zatim činimo još veću štetu djevojčicama, jer ih odgajamo da služe tom krhkom egu. Učimo djevojčice da se stisnu, da se učine manjima, kažemo djevojčicama, "Možeš imati ambicije, ali ne previše."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
"You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you would threaten the man." If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man, you have to pretend that you're not, especially in public, otherwise you will emasculate him.
"Moraš ciljati na to da budeš uspješna, ali ne preuspješna, inače ćeš biti prijetnja muškarcu." Ako u vezi s muškarcem si ti hranitelj, moraš se praviti da nije tako, pogotovo u javnosti, inače ćeš ga uškopiti.
But what if we question the premise itself? Why should a woman's success be a threat to a man? What if we decide to simply dispose of that word, and I don't think there's an English word I dislike more than "emasculation." A Nigerian acquaintance once asked me if I was worried that men would be intimidated by me. I was not worried at all. In fact, it had not occurred to me to be worried because a man who would be intimidated by me is exactly the kind of man I would have no interest in.
No, što ako preispitamo samu pretpostavku? Zašto bi ženin uspjeh trebao biti prijetnja muškarcu? Što ako odlučimo jednostavno se riješiti te riječi, a mislim da nijednu englesku riječ ne volim manje od "emaskulacije." Jedan poznanik iz Nigerije me jednom upitao brinem li se što će me se muškarci strašiti. Nisam se uopće brinula. Zapravo, nije mi ni palo na pamet da se bojim jer muškarac koji bi se plašio mene nije nikako muškarac za kakvog bi se ja zanimala.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
But still I was really struck by this. Because I'm female, I'm expected to aspire to marriage; I'm expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. A marriage can be a good thing; it can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same?
No, ipak me ovo iznenadilo. Zato što sam žensko, očekuje se da težim braku; očekuje se da donosim životne odluke uvijek imajući na umu da je brak najvažniji. Brak može biti dobra stvar; može biti izvor veselja i ljubavi i međusobne podrške. Ali zašto učimo djevojčice da teže braku, a ne učimo dječake istu stvar?
I know a woman who decided to sell her house because she didn't want to intimidate a man who might marry her. I know an unmarried woman in Nigeria who, when she goes to conferences, wears a wedding ring because according to her, she wants the other participants in the conference to "give her respect." I know young women who are under so much pressure from family, from friends, even from work to get married, and they're pushed to make terrible choices. A woman at a certain age who is unmarried, our society teaches her to see it as a deep, personal failure. And a man at a certain age who is unmarried, we just think he hasn't come around to making his pick.
Poznajem ženu koja je odlučila prodati kuću jer nije htjela zastrašiti muškarca koji bi je mogao oženiti. Poznajem neudanu ženu u Nigeriji koja, kad ide na sastanke, nosi vjenčani prsten jer, kako tvrdi, želi da je ostali sudionici "poštuju." Poznajem žene na koje obitelj, prijatelji i kolege stavljaju toliki pritisak da se udaju i tjeraju ih na grozne odluke. Neudanu ženu u određenoj dobi naše društvo uči da na to gleda kao veliki osobni promašaj. A za neoženjenog muškarca određene dobi mislimo samo da još nije odabrao.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
It's easy for us to say, "Oh, but women can just say no to all of this." But the reality is more difficult and more complex. We're all social beings. We internalize ideas from our socialization. Even the language we use in talking about marriage and relationships illustrates this. The language of marriage is often the language of ownership rather than the language of partnership. We use the word "respect" to mean something a woman shows a man but often not something a man shows a woman.
Lako nam je reći, "Ali žene jednostavno mogu odbiti sve to." No, realnost je puno teža i kompleksnija. Svi smo mi društvena bića. Usađujemo si i oponašamo ideje iz društva. Čak i jezik koji koristimo pričajući o braku i vezama to ilustrira. Jezik braka je često jezik vlasništva prije nego jezik partnerstva. Koristimo riječ "poštovanje" čime mislimo na nešto što žena pokazuje muškarcu ali često ne ono što muškarac pokazuje ženi.
Both men and women in Nigeria will say -- this is an expression I'm very amused by -- "I did it for peace in my marriage." Now, when men say it, it is usually about something that they should not be doing anyway.
I muškarci i žene u Nigeriji će reći -- to je izraz koji me jako nasmijava -- "Učinio ili učinila sam to za mir u braku." Kad muškarci to kažu, obično se radi o nečemu što ionako ne bi trebali činiti.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Sometimes they say it to their friends, it's something to say to their friends in a kind of fondly exasperated way, you know, something that ultimately proves how masculine they are, how needed, how loved. "Oh, my wife said I can't go to the club every night, so for peace in my marriage, I do it only on weekends."
Ponekad to kažu svojim prijateljima, to je nešto što im kažu na ogorčen način, znate, nešto što u konačnici dokazuje koliko ste muževni, koliko ste potrebni i voljeni. "Žena mi je rekla da ne mogu izaći u klub svaku večer pa zbog mira u braku idem samo vikendima."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Now, when a woman says, "I did it for peace in my marriage," she's usually talking about giving up a job, a dream, a career. We teach females that in relationships, compromise is what women do. We raise girls to see each other as competitors -- not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. If we have sons, we don't mind knowing about our sons' girlfriends. But our daughters' boyfriends? God forbid.
No, kad žena kaže, "Učinila sam to zbog mira u braku," obično govori o davanju otkaza na poslu, odustajanju od sna, od karijere. Učimo žene da je u vezama kompromis nešto što žene čine. Učimo cure da gledaju jedna na drugu kao suparnice ne zbog posla ili postignuća, što mislim da može biti pozitivno, nego zbog pozornosti muškaraca. Učimo cure da ne smiju biti seksualna bića na način na koji su to dečki. Ako imamo sinove, ne smeta nam znati o sinovim curama. Ali kćerkini dečki? Ne daj Bože.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
But of course when the time is right, we expect those girls to bring back the perfect man to be their husbands. We police girls, we praise girls for virginity, but we don't praise boys for virginity, and it's always made me wonder how exactly this is supposed to work out because ...
Naravno, kad dođe vrijeme, očekujemo od tih cura da dovedu savršenog muškarca za supruga. Nadziremo cure, hvalimo njihovo djevičanstvo, ali ne hvalimo dečke zbog djevičanstva, i uvijek sam se pitala kako bi to točno trebalo ići jer ...
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
I mean, the loss of virginity is usually a process that involves ...
Mislim, gubitak djevičanstva je obično proces koji uključuje ...
Recently a young woman was gang raped in a university in Nigeria, I think some of us know about that. And the response of many young Nigerians, both male and female, was something along the lines of this: "Yes, rape is wrong. But what is a girl doing in a room with four boys?" Now, if we can forget the horrible inhumanity of that response, these Nigerians have been raised to think of women as inherently guilty, and they have been raised to expect so little of men that the idea of men as savage beings without any control is somehow acceptable. We teach girls shame. "Close your legs." "Cover yourself." We make them feel as though by being born female they're already guilty of something. And so, girls grow up to be women who cannot see they have desire. They grow up to be women who silence themselves. They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think, and they grow up -- and this is the worst thing we did to girls -- they grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an art form.
Nedavno je mladu ženu silovala grupa u sveučilištu u Nigeriji, mislim da neki od vas znaju za to. Odgovor mnogih nigerijaca, muškaraca i žena, bio je nešto slično ovome: "Da, silovanje nije u redu. Ali što je cura radila u sobi sa četiri dečka?" Zaboravimo li na strašnu nehumanost tog odgovora, ovi nigerijci su odgojeni da smatraju žene vječno krivima, i odgojeni su da očekuju tako malo od muškaraca da je ideja da su muškarci kao divljaci bez kontrole nekako prihvatljiva. Učimo cure sramu. "Skupi noge." "Pokrij se." Činimo da osjećaju da su time što su rođene kao žensko već krive za nešto. Tako, učimo cure da odrastu u žene koje ne smiju imati potrebe. Odrastu u žene koje se utišavaju. Odrastu u žene koje ne smiju reći što zapravo misle i odrastu -- a ovo je najgore što smo učinili curama -- odrastu u žene koje su od pretvaranja učinile umjetnost.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
I know a woman who hates domestic work, she just hates it, but she pretends that she likes it, because she's been taught that to be "good wife material" she has to be -- to use that Nigerian word -- very "homely." And then she got married, and after a while her husband's family began to complain that she had changed.
Poznajem ženu koja mrzi kućanske poslove, jednostavno to mrzi, ali se pretvara da to voli, jer su je naučili da bi postala "dobar materijal za ženidbu" mora biti -- "prosta i jednostavna." A kad se udala, nedugo poslije joj je muževa obitelj počela prigovarati da se promijenila.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Actually, she had not changed, she just got tired of pretending.
Zapravo, nije se promijenila, samo joj je dosadilo pretvarati se.
The problem with gender, is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are.
Problem s rodom je to što preporučuje kakvi bismo trebali biti umjesto da uočavamo kakvi jesmo.
Now imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn't have the weight of gender expectations. Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the differences and then it becomes a self-fulfilling process. Now, take cooking for example. Today women in general are more likely to do the housework than men, the cooking and cleaning. But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene?
Zamislite koliko bismo bili sretniji, koliko bismo bili slobodniji da smo vjerni sami sebi, da ne nosimo teret rodnih očekivanja. Dječaci i djevojčice su nedvojbeno biološki različiti, ali društvo pretjeruje u razlikama i onda to postane samoispunjenje. Uzmimo za primjer kuhanje. Danas žene češće rade domaćinske poslove nego muškarci, kuhanje i čišćenje. Zašto je to tako? Je li to zato što se žene rađaju s genom za kuhanje?
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? Actually, I was going to say that maybe women are born with a cooking gene, until I remember that the majority of the famous cooks in the world, whom we give the fancy title of "chefs," are men.
Ili zato što ih je društvo naučilo da gledaju na kuhanje kao na svoju ulogu? Zapravo, htjela sam reći da su žene možda rođene s genom za kuhanje dok se nisam sjetila da su većina slavnih svjetskih kuhara, kojima dajemo tu blještavu titulu "šefa," muškarci.
I used to look up to my grandmother who was a brilliant, brilliant woman, and wonder how she would have been if she had the same opportunities as men when she was growing up.
Znala sam se diviti svojoj baki koja je bila briljantna žena, i pitala sam se kakva bi bila da je imala iste prilike kao muškarci dok je odrastala.
Now today, there are many more opportunities for women than there were during my grandmother's time because of changes in policy, changes in law, all of which are very important. But what matters even more is our attitude, our mindset, what we believe and what we value about gender. What if in raising children we focus on ability instead of gender? What if in raising children we focus on interest instead of gender?
Danas, mislim da žene imaju puno više prilika nego što su ih imale za života moje bake zbog promjena u politici i pravu, što je sve vrlo bitno. No, što je bitnije, je naš stav, naši nazori, što vjerujemo i što cijenimo kod roda. Što kad bi se kod odgoja djece usredotočili na sposobnost umjesto na rod? Što kad bi se kod odgoja djece usredotočili na interese umjesto na rod?
I know a family who have a son and a daughter, both of whom are brilliant at school, who are wonderful, lovely children. When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl, "Go and cook Indomie noodles for your brother."
Poznajem obitelj koja ima sina i kćer, oboje su odlični u školi, divna, krasna djeca. Kad je dečko gladan, roditelji kažu curi, "Idi skuhaj Indomie tjesteninu svome bratu."
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Now, the daughter doesn't particularly like to cook Indomie noodles, but she's a girl, and so she has to. Now, what if the parents, from the beginning, taught both the boy and the girl to cook Indomie? Cooking, by the way, is a very useful skill for boys to have. I've never thought it made sense to leave such a crucial thing, the ability to nourish oneself --
Kćerka baš i ne voli kuhati Indomie tjesteninu, ali ona je cura pa to mora. Što da su roditelji od početka učili i dečka i curu da kuhaju Indomie? Kuhanje je, usput, vrlo korisna vještina za sve dečke. Nisam nikad mislila da ima smisla ostaviti tako važnu stvar, sposobnost prehranjivanja samoga sebe
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
in the hands of others.
u rukama drugih.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
I know a woman who has the same degree and the same job as her husband. When they get back from work, she does most of the housework, which I think is true for many marriages. But what struck me about them was that whenever her husband changed the baby's diaper, she said "thank you" to him. Now, what if she saw this as perfectly normal and natural that he should, in fact, care for his child?
Poznajem ženu koja ima istu diplomu i isti posao kao i njen suprug. Kad se vrate s posla, ona radi većinu kućanskog posla, što mislim da važi za mnoge brakove. Ono što me se najviše dojmilo je što kad god je njen suprug promijenio bebinu pelenu, ona bi mu rekla "hvala". Što da je gledala na to kao da je sasvim normalno i prirodno da bi se, zapravo, trebao brinuti za svoje dijete?
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
I'm trying to unlearn many of the lessons of gender that I internalized when I was growing up. But I sometimes still feel very vulnerable in the face of gender expectations. The first time I taught a writing class in graduate school, I was worried. I wasn't worried about the material I would teach because I was well-prepared, and I was going to teach what I enjoy teaching. Instead, I was worried about what to wear. I wanted to be taken seriously. I knew that because I was female I will automatically have to prove my worth. And I was worried that if I looked too feminine, I would not be taken seriously. I really wanted to wear my shiny lip gloss and my girly skirt, but I decided not to. Instead, I wore a very serious, very manly and very ugly suit.
Pokušavam se odučiti od mnogih lekcija o rodu koje su mi usađene dok sam odrastala. No, ponekad se još uvijek osjećam ranjivom u odnosu na rodna očekivanja. Prvi put kad sam podučavala pisanje na fakultetu, brinula sam se. Nisam se brinula zbog onoga što sam predavala jer sam se dobro pripremila i išla sam podučavati ono što volim podučavati. Umjesto toga, brinula sam se što obući. Htjela sam da me shvate ozbiljno. Znala sam da zato što sam žensko automatski ću morati dokazati svoju vrijednost. Brinula sam se da ako izgledam previše ženstveno neće me shvatiti ozbiljno. Zapravo sam htjela nanijeti sjajilo za usne i obući suknju, ali odlučila sam ipak to ne učiniti. Umjesto toga, obukla sam jako ozbiljno, jako muževno i jako ružno odijelo.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Because the sad truth is that when it comes to appearance we start off with men as the standard, as the norm. If a man is getting ready for a business meeting, he doesn't worry about looking too masculine and therefore not being taken for granted. If a woman has to get ready for business meeting, she has to worry about looking too feminine and what it says and whether or not she will be taken seriously.
Jer, tužna je istina što se tiče izgleda, da su nam muškarci standard i norma. Kad se muškarac sprema za poslovni sastanak, on se ne brine izgleda li premuževno i ne pita se hoće li ga shvatiti ozbiljno. Kad se žena sprema za poslovni sastanak, mora se brinuti izgleda li preženstveno i kakvu to poruku šalje i hoće li je shvatiti ozbiljno.
I wish I had not worn that ugly suit that day. I've actually banished it from my closet, by the way. Had I then the confidence that I have now to be myself, my students would have benefited even more from my teaching, because I would have been more comfortable and more fully and more truly myself. I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness and for my femininity.
Voljela bih da nisam obukla to ružno odijelo. Usput, zapravo sam ga prognala iz svog ormara. Da sam tad imala samopouzdanje koje sad imam da budem svoja, moji studenti bi imali još više koristi od mojih predavanja, jer bi mi bilo ugodnije i bila bih ona prava, istinska ja. Odlučila sam više se ne ispričavati za svoju ženskost i svoju ženstvenost.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
And I want to be respected in all of my femaleness because I deserve to be. Gender is not an easy conversation to have. For both men and women, to bring up gender is sometimes to encounter almost immediate resistance. I can imagine some people here are actually thinking, "Women too do sef." Some of the men here might be thinking, "OK, all of this is interesting, but I don't think like that." And that is part of the problem.
Željela sam da me poštuju u svoj svojoj ženskosti jer to zaslužujem. Nije lako pričati o rodu. I muškarcima i ženama spomenuti rod ponekad znači naići na gotovo trenutni otpor. Mogu zamisliti da neki ljudi ovdje zapravo misle, "Da čak i žene budu vjerne samima sebi?" Neki muškarci ovdje možda misle, "OK, to je sve zanimljivo, ali ja ne razmišljam tako." I to je dio problema.
That many men do not actively think about gender or notice gender is part of the problem of gender. That many men, say, like my friend Louis, that everything is fine now. And that many men do nothing to change it. If you are a man and you walk into a restaurant with a woman and the waiter greets only you, does it occur to you to ask the waiter, "Why haven't you greeted her?" Because gender can be --
To da mnogi muškarci ne razmišljaju aktivno o rodu niti primjećuju da je rod dio rodnog pitanja. Da mnogi muškarci kažu, kao moj prijatelj Louis, da je sad sve u redu. I da mnogi muškarci ne čine ništa da to promijene. Ako ste muškarac i ušetate u restoran sa ženom, a konobar pozdravi samo vas, padne li vam na pamet da pitate konobara "Zašto niste nju pozdravili?" Jer rod može biti --
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Actually, we may repose part of a longer version of this talk. So, because gender can be a very uncomfortable conversation to have, there are very easy ways to close it, to close the conversation. So some people will bring up evolutionary biology and apes, how, you know, female apes bow down to male apes and that sort of thing. But the point is we're not apes.
Zapravo, možda smo zašli u dužu verziju ovog govora. Kako razgovor o rodu može biti jako neugodan, postoje jednostavni načini da ga se zaključi. Neki će spomenuti evolucijsku biologiju i majmune, kako se, znate, majmunice klanjaju majmunima i tome slično. Ali, bit je u tome da mi nismo majmuni.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
Apes also live on trees and have earthworms for breakfast, and we don't. Some people will say, "Well, poor men also have a hard time." And this is true. But that is not what this --
Majmuni također žive na stablima i za doručak jedu crve, a mi ne. Neki će reći, "Pa, jadni muškarci - i njima je teško." I to je točno. No, to nije ono o čemu --
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
But this is not what this conversation is about. Gender and class are different forms of oppression. I actually learned quite a bit about systems of oppression and how they can be blind to one another by talking to black men.
To nije ono o čemu se ovdje radi. Rod i klasa su različiti oblici opresije. Zapravo sam dosta naučila o sustavima opresije i o tome kako mogu biti slijepi jedan prema drugome pričajući sa crncima.
I was once talking to a black man about gender and he said to me, "Why do you have to say 'my experience as a woman'? Why can't it be 'your experience as a human being'?" Now, this was the same man who would often talk about his experience as a black man.
Jednom sam pričala sa crncem o rodu i rekao mi je, "Zašto moraš reći 'moje iskustvo kao žena'? Zašto ne bi bilo "tvoje iskustvo kao ljudsko biće'?" To je isti muškarac koji bi često pričao o svojem iskustvu kao crnca.
Gender matters. Men and women experience the world differently. Gender colors the way we experience the world. But we can change that.
Rod je bitan. Muškarci i žene različito doživljavaju svijet. Rod oslikava način na koji doživljavamo svijet. Ali, možemo to promijeniti.
Some people will say, "Oh, but women have the real power, bottom power." And for non-Nigerians, bottom power is an expression which I suppose means something like a woman who uses her sexuality to get favors from men. But bottom power is not power at all. Bottom power means that a woman simply has a good root to tap into, from time to time -- somebody else's power. And then, of course, we have to wonder what happens when that somebody else is in a bad mood, or sick or impotent.
Neki će reći, "Ali, žene imaju stvarnu moć, moć pozadine." Za vas koji niste iz Nigerije, moć pozadine je izraz koji znači nešto kao ženino korištenje seksualnosti radi koristi od muškaraca. Moć pozadine uopće nije moć. Moć pozadine znači da žena jednostavno ima dobar način da, s vremena na vrijeme -- iskoristi moći nekog drugog. Zatim se, naravno, moramo zapitati što se događa kad je taj netko drugi loše volje ili bolestan ili impotentan.
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
Some people will say that a woman being subordinate to a man is our culture. But culture is constantly changing. I have beautiful twin nieces who are fifteen and live in Lagos. If they had been born a hundred years ago they would have been taken away and killed. Because it was our culture, it was our culture to kill twins.
Neki će reći da je to naša kultura da žena bude podređena muškarcu. Ali, kultura se stalno mijenja. Imam predivne nećakinje blizanke kojima je petnaest i žive u Lagosu. Da su se rodile prije sto godina odveli bi ih i ubili. Jer je to bila naša kultura, kultura je bila ubijati blizance.
So what is the point of culture? I mean there's the decorative, the dancing ... but also, culture really is about preservation and continuity of a people. In my family, I am the child who is most interested in the story of who we are, in our traditions, in the knowledge about ancestral lands. My brothers are not as interested as I am. But I cannot participate, I cannot go to umunna meetings, I cannot have a say. Because I'm female. Culture does not make people, people make culture. So if it is in fact true --
Pa, koji je smisao kulture? Mislim, postoji dekorativno, ples ... ali, isto tako, kultura je očuvanje i kontinuitet naroda. U mojoj obitelji, ja sam ono dijete koje se najviše zanima za priču o tome tko smo, u našim tradicijama, u znanju o drevnim zemljama. Moju braću to ne zanima kao mene. Ali, ja ne mogu sudjelovati, ne mogu ići na umunna sastanke, nemam pravo glasa. Zato što sam žensko. Kultura ne čini ljude, ljudi čine kulturu. Pa, ako je istina --
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
So if it is in fact true that the full humanity of women is not our culture, then we must make it our culture.
Ako je istina -- da puna ljudskost žena nije naša kultura, tada moramo učiniti da to postane.
I think very often of my dear friend, Okoloma Maduewesi. May he and all the others who passed away in that Sosoliso crash continue to rest in peace. He will always be remembered by those of us who loved him. And he was right that day many years ago when he called me a feminist.
Često mislim na svog dragog prijatelja, Okolomu Maduewesija. Neka on i svi ostali koji su poginuli u toj nesreći u Sosolisou nastave počivati u miru. Mi koji smo ga voljeli uvijek ćemo ga se sjećati. I imao je pravo onoga dana kad me prozvao feministkinjom.
I am a feminist. And when I looked up the word in the dictionary that day, this is what it said: "Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes." My great grandmother, from the stories I've heard, was a feminist. She ran away from the house of the man she did not want to marry and ended up marrying the man of her choice. She refused, she protested, she spoke up whenever she felt she was being deprived of access, of land, that sort of thing.
Ja jesam feministkinja. I kad sam potražila tu riječ u rječniku toga dana, pisalo je ovo: Feminist: osoba koja vjeruje u društvenu, političku i ekonomsku jednakost među spolovima." Moja prabaka je, prema pričama koje sam čula, bila feminist. Pobjegla je iz kuće muškarca za kojeg se nije htjela udati i udala se za muškarca po svojem izboru. Odbila je, protestirala je, progovorila je kad god je smatrala da joj se uskraćuje pristup, zemljište i slično.
My great grandmother did not know that word "feminist," but it doesn't mean that she wasn't one. More of us should reclaim that word. My own definition of feminist is: "A feminist is a man or a woman who says --
Moja prabaka nije poznavala tu riječ "feminist," ali to ne znači da ona to nije bila. Više nas bi trebalo povratiti tu riječ. Moja vlastita definicija feminista je: "Feminist je muškarac ili žena koji ili koja kaže --
(Laughter)
(Smijeh)
(Applause)
(Pljesak)
A feminist is a man or a woman who says, "Yes, there's a problem with gender as it is today, and we must fix it. We must do better." The best feminist I know is my brother Kene. He's also a kind, good-looking, lovely man, and he's very masculine.
Feminist je muškarac ili žena koji ili koja kaže "Da, postoji problem s rodom kakav je danas i moramo ga popraviti. Moramo činiti bolje." Najbolji feminist kojeg poznajem je moj brat Kene. On je također drag, zgodan, divan muškarac i jako je muževan.
Thank you.
Hvala.
(Applause)
(Pljesak)