So I would like to start by telling you about one of my greatest friends, Okoloma Maduewesi. Okoloma lived on my street and looked after me like a big brother. If I liked a boy, I would ask Okoloma's opinion. Okoloma died in the notorious Sosoliso plane crash in Nigeria in December of 2005. Almost exactly seven years ago. Okoloma was a person I could argue with, laugh with and truly talk to. He was also the first person to call me a feminist.
Gustaríame comezar falándolles dun dos meus grandes amigos, Okoloma Maduewesi. Okoloma vivía na miña rúa e coidaba de min coma un irmán maior. Se me gustaba un rapaz, gustábame pedirlle opinión a Okoloma. Okoloma morreu no coñecido accidente aéreo de Sosoliso en Nixeria en decembro de 2005. Fai case exactamente sete anos. Okoloma era unha persoa coa que podía discutir, rir e verdadeiramente falar. Tamén foi a primeira persoa que me chamou feminista.
I was about fourteen, we were at his house, arguing. Both of us bristling with half bit knowledge from books that we had read. I don't remember what this particular argument was about, but I remember that as I argued and argued, Okoloma looked at me and said, "You know, you're a feminist." It was not a compliment.
Eu tiña uns 14 anos, estabamos na súa casa rifando. Ámbolos dous alporizados polos escasos coñecementos obtidos dos libros que leramos. Non recordo sobre que era a discusión en particular, pero recordo que rifaba e rifaba, Okoloma miroume e díxome: "Ti es unha feminista". Non era un piropo.
(Laughter)
(Risas)
I could tell from his tone, the same tone that you would use to say something like, "You're a supporter of terrorism."
Decateime polo seu ton, o mesmo ton que empregarías para dicir: "Ti es unha terrorista".
(Laughter)
(Risas)
I did not know exactly what this word "feminist" meant, and I did not want Okoloma to know that I did not know. So I brushed it aside, and I continued to argue. And the first thing I planned to do when I got home was to look up the word "feminist" in the dictionary.
Non sabía exactamente, o que significaba "feminista", e non quería que Okoloma soubera que eu non o sabía. Así que afasteina, e seguín discutindo. E o primeiro que fixen ao chegar á miña casa foi busca-la palabra "feminista" no dicionario.
Now fast forward to some years later, I wrote a novel about a man who among other things beats his wife and whose story doesn't end very well. While I was promoting the novel in Nigeria, a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man, told me he wanted to advise me. And for the Nigerians here, I'm sure we're all familiar with how quick our people are to give unsolicited advice. He told me that people were saying that my novel was feminist and his advice to me -- and he was shaking his head sadly as he spoke -- was that I should never call myself a feminist because feminists are women who are unhappy because they cannot find husbands.
Agora dando un salto no tempo, algúns anos máis tarde, escribín unha novela sobre un home que, entre outras cousas, pegaba á súa muller e cuxa historia non remata moi ben. Mentres eu promocionaba a novela en Nixeria, un periodista agradable, un home ben intencionado, dixo que quería darme un consello. E para os nixerianos aquí, estou segura que todos estamos familiarizados có rápida que é a nosa xente dando consellos non solicitados. Díxome que a xente dicía que a miña novela era feminista e o seu consello para min, e sacudía a cabeza con tristura mentres falaba, foi que nunca debería dicir que son feminista porque as feministas son mulleres descontentas porque non poden atopar marido.
(Laughter)
(Risas)
So I decided to call myself "a happy feminist." Then an academic, a Nigerian woman told me that feminism was not our culture and that feminism wasn't African, and that I was calling myself a feminist because I had been corrupted by "Western books." Which amused me, because a lot of my early readings were decidedly unfeminist. I think I must have read every single Mills & Boon romance published before I was sixteen. And each time I tried to read those books called "the feminist classics," I'd get bored, and I really struggled to finish them. But anyway, since feminism was un-African, I decided that I would now call myself "a happy African feminist." At some point I was a happy African feminist who does not hate men and who likes lip gloss and who wears high heels for herself but not for men.
Así que decidín autodenominarme "feminista feliz". Entón, unha muller Nixeriana académica díxome que o feminismo non era da nosa cultura e que o feminismo non era africano, e que me autodenominaba feminista porque estaba corrompida por "libros occidentais." O cal divertiume moito, porque moitas das miñas primeiras lecturas foron claramente anti-feministas. Creo que lin cada novela (rosa) publicada de Mills e Boon antes de ter 16 anos. E cada vez que intentaba ler eses libros, chamados "os clásicos feministas", aburríame, e tiven que esforzarme para terminar de lelos. Pero, como de calquera xeito, o feminismo non era africano, decidín que agora denominaríame "feminista africana feliz". Nese momento era unha feminista africana feliz que non odiaba aos homes e á que lle gustaba o carmín nos beizos e que levaba tacóns para si mesma e non para os homes.
(Laughter)
(Risas)
Of course a lot of this was tongue-in-cheek, but that word feminist is so heavy with baggage, negative baggage. You hate men, you hate bras, you hate African culture, that sort of thing.
Por suposto, moito disto é retranca, pero a palabra feminista é unha carga tan pesada, tan negativa. Odias aos homes, odias aos suxeitadores, odias a cultura africana, ese tipo de cousas.
Now here's a story from my childhood. When I was in primary school, my teacher said at the beginning of term that she would give the class a test and whoever got the highest score would be the class monitor. Now, class monitor was a big deal. If you were a class monitor, you got to write down the names of noisemakers --
Agora unha historia da miña nenez. Cando estaba na escola primaria, a miña mestra dixo ao comezo do curso que faría unha proba á clase e aquel que tivera a puntuación máis alta sería o delegado da clase. Ser delegado de clase era moi importante. Se un era delegado de clase, tiña que apuntar os nomes dos revoltosos,
(Laughter)
(Risas)
which was having enough power of its own. But my teacher would also give you a cane to hold in your hand while you walk around and patrol the class for noisemakers. Now, of course you were not actually allowed to use the cane. But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me. I very much wanted to be the class monitor. And I got the highest score on the test. Then, to my surprise, my teacher said that the monitor had to be a boy. She had forgotten to make that clear earlier because she assumed it was ... obvious.
o que che daba bastante poder. Pero a miña mestra tamén che daba un bastón para soster na túa man mentres patrullabas a clase para controlar aos revoltosos. Por suposto, non tiñas permitido realmente usar o bastón. Pero era unha actividade moi excitante para unha nena de nove anos. Tiña moitas ganas de ser a delegada da clase. E conseguín a puntuación máis alta na proba. Entón, para a miña sorpresa, a profesora dixo que o delegado tiña que ser un neno. Esquecérase de deixalo claro antes porque ela asumira que era... obvio.
(Laughter)
(Risas)
A boy had the second highest score on the test, and he would be monitor. Now, what was even more interesting about this is that the boy was a sweet, gentle soul who had no interest in patrolling the class with the cane, while I was full of ambition to do so. But I was female and he was male, and so he became the class monitor. And I've never forgotten that incident.
Un neno tivo a segunda nota máis alta na proba, e el foi o delegado. Agora, o que resulta aínda máis interesante nisto é que o neno era unha alma cándida que non tiña ningún interese en patrulla-la clase có bastón, mentres que eu estaba desexando facelo. Pero eu era muller e el era un home, e así el chegou a ser o delegado da clase. E eu nunca esquecín ese incidente.
I often make the mistake of thinking that something that is obvious to me is just as obvious to everyone else. Now, take my dear friend Louis for example. Louis is a brilliant, progressive man, and we would have conversations and he would tell me, "I don't know what you mean by things being different or harder for women. Maybe in the past, but not now." And I didn't understand how Louis could not see what seems so self-evident. Then one evening, in Lagos, Louis and I went out with friends. And for people here who are not familiar with Lagos, there's that wonderful Lagos' fixture, the sprinkling of energetic men who hang around outside establishments and very dramatically "help" you park your car. I was impressed with the particular theatrics of the man who found us a parking spot that evening. And so as we were leaving, I decided to leave him a tip. I opened my bag, put my hand inside my bag, brought out my money that I had earned from doing my work, and I gave it to the man. And he, this man who was very grateful and very happy, took the money from me, looked across at Louis and said, "Thank you, sir!"
A miúdo, eu cometo o erro de pensar que algo que é obvio para min, ten que selo para os demais. Agora, tomemos ao meu querido amigo Louis por exemplo. Louis é un home brillante, progresista, e tiñamos conversas nas que el me dicía, "Non sei que queres dicir con que as cousas son máis difíciles para a muller. Talvez no pasado, pero non agora ". E eu non entendía como Louis non podía ver o que para min é tan evidente. Entón, unha tarde, en Lagos, Louis e máis eu saímos cuns amigos. E para os que están aquí e que non coñecen Lagos, alí teñen algo marabilloso, sempre hai algún home enérxico pululando arredor dos establecementos e de xeito moi serio "axúdate" a aparca-lo teu coche. Eu estaba impresionada cun home en particular que conseguiu atoparnos unha praza de aparcamento pola noite. E así, cando marchabamos, decidín deixarlle unha propina. Abrín o meu bolso, metín dentro a miña man, saquei os meus cartos que gañara có meu traballo, e deillos ao home. E ese home, que estaba moi agradecido e moi feliz, colleu os meus cartos, mirou cara Louis e díxolle: "Grazas, señor!"
(Laughter)
(Risas)
Louis looked at me, surprised, and asked, "Why is he thanking me? I didn't give him the money." Then I saw realization dawn on Louis' face. The man believed that whatever money I had had ultimately come from Louis. Because Louis is a man.
Louis miroume, sorprendido, e preguntoume "Por que mo agradece a min? Eu non lle din o diñeiro." Entón vin a revelación no rostro de Louis. O home pensaba que calquera diñeiro que eu tivera, tiña que vir, en última instancia, de Louis. Porque Louis é un home.
Men and women are different. We have different hormones, we have different sexual organs, we have different biological abilities. Women can have babies, men can't. At least not yet.
Homes e mulleres son diferentes. Temos diferentes hormonas, temos órganos sexuais distintos, temos diferentes capacidades biolóxicas. As mulleres poden ter bebés, os homes non. Ao menos, polo de agora.
(Laughter)
(Risas)
Men have testosterone and are in general physically stronger than women. There's slightly more women than men in the world, about 52 percent of the world's population is female. But most of the positions of power and prestige are occupied by men. The late Kenyan Nobel Peace laureate, Wangari Maathai, put it simply and well when she said: "The higher you go, the fewer women there are." In the recent US elections we kept hearing of the Lilly Ledbetter law, and if we go beyond the nicely alliterative name of that law, it was really about a man and a woman doing the same job, being equally qualified, and the man being paid more because he's a man.
Os homes teñen testosterona e son, en xeral, máis fortes cas mulleres. Hai lixeiramente máis mulleres que homes no mundo, arredor do 52 % da poboación mundial é de sexo feminino. Pero a maioría das posicións de poder e prestixio están ocupadas por homes. A última premio Nobel da Paz de Kenia, Wangari Maathai, díxoo moi claro en poucas palabras: "Canto máis ascendes, menos mulleres hai" Nas pasadas elecións americanas estivemos moi pendentes da lei Lilly Ledbetter, e indo máis aló da retórica, o nome da dita Lei, refírese realmente a homes e mulleres que, facendo o mesmo traballo, estando igualmente preparados, págaselle máis ao home, porque é un home.
So in the literal way, men rule the world, and this made sense a thousand years ago because human beings lived then in a world in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival. The physically stronger person was more likely to lead, and men, in general, are physically stronger. Of course there are many exceptions.
Así, no sentido literal, os homes gobernan o mundo, e isto tiña sentido fai mil anos porque os seres humanos vivían entón nun mundo no que a forza física era o atributo máis importante cara a supervivencia. A persoa fisicamente máis forte era, probablemente, a que mandaba, e os homes, en xeral, son fisicamente mais fortes. Por suposto, hai moitas excepcións.
(Laughter)
(Risas)
But today we live in a vastly different world. The person more likely to lead is not the physically stronger person; it is the more creative person, the more intelligent person, the more innovative person, and there are no hormones for those attributes. A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent, to be creative, to be innovative. We have evolved; but it seems to me that our ideas of gender had not evolved.
Pero hoxe en día vivimos nun mundo moi diferente. A persoa que probablemente manda non é a persoa fisicamente máis forte; é a persoa máis creativa, a persoa máis intelixente, a persoa máis innovadora, e non hai hormonas para eses atributos. Un home ten a mesma probabilidade que unha muller de ser intelixente ser creativo, ser innovador. Evolucionamos; pero paréceme que as nosas ideas de xénero non evolucionaron.
Some weeks ago, I walked into a lobby of one of the best Nigerian hotels. I thought about naming the hotel, but I thought I probably shouldn't. And a guard at the entrance stopped me and asked me annoying questions, because their automatic assumption is that a Nigerian female walking into a hotel alone is a sex worker. And by the way, why do these hotels focus on the ostensible supply rather than the demand for sex workers? In Lagos I cannot go alone into many "reputable" bars and clubs. They just don't let you in if you're a woman alone, you have to be accompanied by a man. Each time I walk into a Nigerian restaurant with a man, the waiter greets the man and ignores me. The waiters are products --
Fai algunhas semanas, entrei no vestíbulo dun dos mellores hoteis de Nixeria. Pensaba darlle-lo nome do hotel, pero probablemente no debería. E un garda na entrada paroume e fíxome preguntas molestas, debido á súa suposición automática de que unha muller Nixeriana que entra soa nun hotel é unha traballadora sexual. E, por certo, por que eses hoteis céntranse na oferta ostentosa e non na demanda de profesionais do sexo? En Lagos eu non podo ir soa a certos bares e clubs "respectables". Eles simplemente non te deixan entrar se vas soa, tes que ir en compañia dun home. Cada vez que entro nun restaurante nixeriano cun home, o camareiro saúda ao home e a min ignórame. Os camareiros son produtos
(Laughter)
(Risas)
At this some women felt like, "Yes! I thought that!" The waiters are products of a society that has taught them that men are more important than women. And I know that waiters don't intend any harm. But it's one thing to know intellectually and quite another to feel it emotionally. Each time they ignore me, I feel invisible. I feel upset. I want to tell them that I am just as human as the man, that I'm just as worthy of acknowledgment. These are little things, but sometimes it's the little things that sting the most.
E nisto algunhas mulleres senten como "Si! Iso pensaba eu!" Os camareiros son produto dunha sociedade que lles ensinou que os homes son máis importantes cas mulleres. Eu sei que os camareiros non pretenden facer dano. Pero unha cousa é o saber intelectual, e outra moi distinta son as emocións. Cada vez que me ignoran, síntome invisible. Síntome molesta. Quero dicirlles que eu son tan humana como un home, son tan merecente de consideración. Son pequenas cousas, pero, as veces, son as pequenas cousas as que máis doen.
And not long ago, I wrote an article about what it means to be young and female in Lagos, and the printers told me, "It was so angry." Of course it was angry!
Hai pouco tempo, escribín un artigo acerca do que significa ser xove e muller en Lagos, e os editores dixéronme que, "era tan indignado." Por suposto que era indignado!
(Laughter)
(Risas)
I am angry. Gender as it functions today is a grave injustice. We should all be angry. Anger has a long history of bringing about positive change; but, in addition to being angry, I'm also hopeful. Because I believe deeply in the ability of human beings to make and remake themselves for the better.
Eu estou indignada. O xénero, tal e como funciona hoxe en día, é unha grave inxustiza. Todos deberíamos estar indignados. A indignación adoita traer cambios positivos; pero, ademais de estar indignada, eu tamén estou esperanzada. Porque creo profundamente na capacidade dos seres humanos para mellorarse cada vez máis.
Gender matters everywhere in the world, but I want to focus on Nigeria and on Africa in general, because it is where I know, and because it is where my heart is. And I would like today to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world, a fairer world, a world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves. And this is how to start: we must raise our daughters differently. We must also raise our sons differently. We do a great disservice to boys on how we raise them; we stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way, masculinity becomes this hard, small cage and we put boys inside the cage. We teach boys to be afraid of fear. We teach boys to be afraid of weakness, of vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves, because they have to be, in Nigerian speak, "hard man!" In secondary school, a boy and a girl, both of them teenagers, both of them with the same amount of pocket money, would go out and then the boy would be expected always to pay, to prove his masculinity. And yet we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.
O xénero é importante en todo o mundo, pero eu quero centrarme en Nixeria e en África en xeral, porque é o que eu coñezo, e porque é onde está o meu corazón. E gustaríame preguntar hoxe como empezamos a soñar e planificar un mundo diferente, un mundo máis xusto, un mundo de homes e mulleres máis felices que son máis fieis a si mesmos. E así é como debemos facelo: debemos educar as nosas fillas de maneira diferente. Tamén debemos educar aos nosos fillos de maneira diferente. Facemos un fraco favor aos nenos tal e como os educamos; reprimimos a humanidade dos nenos. Definimos a masculinidade dun xeito moi limitado, a masculinidade convértese nunha ríxida e pequena gaiola e poñemos aos nenos dentro da gaiola. Ensinamos aos nenos a ter medo do medo. Ensinamos aos nenos a ter medo da debilidade, da vulnerabilidade. Ensinámoslles ocultar o seu verdadeiro ser, porque teñen que ser, como din os nixerianos, "homes duros!" No instituto, un rapaz e unha rapaza, ámbolos dous adolescentes, ámbolos dous coa mesma cantidade de cartos no peto, se saíran, esperaríamos que o rapaz pagase para demostrar a súa masculinidade. E aínda preguntamos por que os nenos é máis probable que rouben aos seus pais?
What if both boys and girls were raised not to link masculinity with money? What if the attitude was not "the boy has to pay" but rather "whoever has more should pay?" Now, of course because of that historical advantage, it is mostly men who will have more today, but if we start raising children differently, then in fifty years, in a hundred years, boys will no longer have the pressure of having to prove this masculinity. But by far the worst thing we do to males, by making them feel that they have to be hard, is that we leave them with very fragile egos. The more "hard man" the man feels compelled to be, the weaker his ego is. And then we do a much greater disservice to girls because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of men. We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller, we say to girls, "You can have ambition, but not too much."
Que pasaría se educásemos aos nenos e as nenas para non vincular a masculinidade cós cartos? Que pasaría se a actitude non fora "o rapaz ten que pagar" senón máis ben "o que máis ten, debe pagar?" Agora, por suposto, debido a unha vantaxe histórica, a maioría das veces serán os homes os que máis teñan hoxe, pero se comezamos a educar aos nenos doutro xeito, entón, en cincuenta anos, en cen anos, os nenos xa non terán a presión de ter que demostrar a súa masculinidade. Pero, con moito, o peor que lles facemos aos varóns, facéndolles sentir que teñen que ser duros, é que os deixamos con egos moi fráxiles. Canto máis "home duro" séntese obrigado a ser un home, máis débil é o seu ego. E entón facemos un prexuízo moito maior ás nenas porque as educamos para atender ós fráxiles egos dos homes. Ensinamos ás nenas a reprimirse a si mesmas, a facerse máis pequenas, dicimos ás nenas, "Podes ter ambición, pero non demasiada."
(Laughter)
(Risas)
"You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you would threaten the man." If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man, you have to pretend that you're not, especially in public, otherwise you will emasculate him.
"Podes busca-lo éxito, pero non demasiado, senón, serás unha ameaza para o home". Se ti e-lo sostén da túa relación cun home, tes que finxir que non o es, sobre todo en público, senón vas a castralo.
But what if we question the premise itself? Why should a woman's success be a threat to a man? What if we decide to simply dispose of that word, and I don't think there's an English word I dislike more than "emasculation." A Nigerian acquaintance once asked me if I was worried that men would be intimidated by me. I was not worried at all. In fact, it had not occurred to me to be worried because a man who would be intimidated by me is exactly the kind of man I would have no interest in.
Pero, que pasa se cuestionamos a premisa en si mesma? Por que debería ser o éxito dunha muller unha ameaza para o home? que pasa se, simplemente, desfacémonos desa palabra, e non creo que haxa unha palabra inglesa que me desguste máis que "castración". Un coñecido nixeriano preguntoume unha vez se me preocupaba que os homes sentíranse intimidados por min. Non estaba preocupada en absoluto. De feito, non se me ocorrera estar preocupada porque un home que se sentira intimidado por min é exactamente o tipo de home que non me interesa.
(Laughter)
(Risas)
(Applause)
(Aplausos)
But still I was really struck by this. Because I'm female, I'm expected to aspire to marriage; I'm expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. A marriage can be a good thing; it can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same?
Aínda así, eu estaba realmente sorprendida por isto. Como son muller, espérase que aspire ao matrimonio; Espérase que tome as decisións da miña vida sempre tendo en conta que o matrimonio é o máis importante. Un matrimonio pode ser algo bo; pode ser fonte de alegría e amor, e de apoio mutuo. Pero, por que ensinamos ás nenas a aspirar ao matrimonio e non ensinamos o mesmo aos nenos?
I know a woman who decided to sell her house because she didn't want to intimidate a man who might marry her. I know an unmarried woman in Nigeria who, when she goes to conferences, wears a wedding ring because according to her, she wants the other participants in the conference to "give her respect." I know young women who are under so much pressure from family, from friends, even from work to get married, and they're pushed to make terrible choices. A woman at a certain age who is unmarried, our society teaches her to see it as a deep, personal failure. And a man at a certain age who is unmarried, we just think he hasn't come around to making his pick.
Coñezo a unha muller que decidiu vende-la súa casa porque non quería intimidar ao home que puidera casar con ela. Coñezo unha muller solteira en Nixeria que, cando vai a congresos, leva anel de casada porque, segundo ela, quere que os outros participantes do congreso lle "teñan respecto" Eu coñezo mulleres novas, que están baixo tanta presión da familia, dos amigos, incluso do traballo, para casarse, que son empurradas a tomar decisións terribles. Unha muller de certa idade que non está casada, na nosa sociedade ensínasenos a velo como un profundo fracaso persoal. E un home de certa idade que non está casado, só pensamos que non lle chegou o tempo de facer a súa elección.
(Laughter)
(Risas)
It's easy for us to say, "Oh, but women can just say no to all of this." But the reality is more difficult and more complex. We're all social beings. We internalize ideas from our socialization. Even the language we use in talking about marriage and relationships illustrates this. The language of marriage is often the language of ownership rather than the language of partnership. We use the word "respect" to mean something a woman shows a man but often not something a man shows a woman.
É fácil para nós dicir, "Oh, pero as mulleres poden simplemente dicir non a todo isto." Pero a realidade é máis difícil e máis complexa. Todos somos seres sociais. Interiorizamos ideas a partires desa socialización. Incluso a linguaxe que usamos, cando falamos sobre o matrimonio e as relaciones, ilustra isto. A linguaxe do matrimonio é,a miúdo, a linguaxe da propiedade máis ca linguaxe da asociación. Usamos a palabra "respecto" no sentido de algo que unha muller amosa a un home pero, a miúdo non é algo que un home amosa a unha muller.
Both men and women in Nigeria will say -- this is an expression I'm very amused by -- "I did it for peace in my marriage." Now, when men say it, it is usually about something that they should not be doing anyway.
Tanto homes como mulleres en Nixeria dirán -isto é unha expresión que me parece moi divertida- "Fíxeno polo ben do meu matrimonio." Agora ben, cando é un home quen o di, xeralmente refírese a algo que non debería fixer.
(Laughter)
(Risas)
Sometimes they say it to their friends, it's something to say to their friends in a kind of fondly exasperated way, you know, something that ultimately proves how masculine they are, how needed, how loved. "Oh, my wife said I can't go to the club every night, so for peace in my marriage, I do it only on weekends."
As veces, eles din aos seus amigos, é algo que dicir aos seus amigos dun xeito claramente exasperado, xa sabedes, algo que, finalmente, demostra o masculinos que son, o necesarios e queridos que son. "Oh, a miña muller di que non podo ir ao club tódalas noites, así que, para o ben do meu matrimonio, só vou a fin de semana ".
(Laughter)
(Risas)
Now, when a woman says, "I did it for peace in my marriage," she's usually talking about giving up a job, a dream, a career. We teach females that in relationships, compromise is what women do. We raise girls to see each other as competitors -- not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. If we have sons, we don't mind knowing about our sons' girlfriends. But our daughters' boyfriends? God forbid.
Agora, cando unha muller di, "fíxeno polo ben do meu matrimonio," xeralmente está a falar de renunciar a un posto de traballo, a un sono, a unha carreira. Ensinamos ás mulleres que, nas relacións, o compromiso é o que fan as mulleres. Educamos as nenas para que vexan ás outras como competidoras, non para postos de traballo ou outros logros, o cal pode ser algo bo, senón para a atención dos homes. Ensinamos ás nenas que non poden ser seres sexuais no xeito en que son os nenos. Se temos fillos, non nos preocupamos de coñecer ás súas noivas. Pero,os noivos das nosas fillas? Líbrenos Deus!
(Laughter)
(Risas)
But of course when the time is right, we expect those girls to bring back the perfect man to be their husbands. We police girls, we praise girls for virginity, but we don't praise boys for virginity, and it's always made me wonder how exactly this is supposed to work out because ...
Pero, por suposto, cando chegue o momento, esperamos que esas chicas atopen ao home perfecto para que sexa o seu esposo. Nós controlamos ás nenas, loamos ás nenas pola súa virxindade, pero non loamos aos nenos pola virxindade, e sempre pregunteime como funciona isto exactamente, porque ...
(Laughter)
(Risas)
(Applause)
(Aplausos)
I mean, the loss of virginity is usually a process that involves ...
Quero dicir, a perda da virxindade é, polo xeral, un proceso que implica...
Recently a young woman was gang raped in a university in Nigeria, I think some of us know about that. And the response of many young Nigerians, both male and female, was something along the lines of this: "Yes, rape is wrong. But what is a girl doing in a room with four boys?" Now, if we can forget the horrible inhumanity of that response, these Nigerians have been raised to think of women as inherently guilty, and they have been raised to expect so little of men that the idea of men as savage beings without any control is somehow acceptable. We teach girls shame. "Close your legs." "Cover yourself." We make them feel as though by being born female they're already guilty of something. And so, girls grow up to be women who cannot see they have desire. They grow up to be women who silence themselves. They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think, and they grow up -- and this is the worst thing we did to girls -- they grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an art form.
Recentemente, unha muller nova foi violada en grupo nunha universidade de Nixeria, penso que algúns de nos xa o coñecíamos. E a resposta de moitos mozos Nixerianos, tanto homes como mulleres, foi algo nesta liña: "Si, a violación é algo malo. Pero, que facía unha rapaza nun cuarto con catro rapaces?" Agora ben, se podemos esquecer o inhumano desa resposta, eses nixerianos foron educados para pensar nas mulleres como culpables por natureza e foron educados para esperar tan pouco dos homes que a idea dos homes como seres salvaxes sen control é, dalgún xeito, aceptable. Ensinamos ás nenas vergonza. "Pecha as túas pernas." "Tápate." Facémolas sentir como se, por naceren femias, xa son culpables de algo. E así, as nenas chegan a ser mulleres que non poden amosa-lo seu desexo. Chegan a ser mulleres que se silencian a si mesmas. Chegan a ser mulleres que non poden dicir o que realmente pensan, e chegan a ser, e isto é o peor que facemos ás nenas, chegan a ser mulleres que converteron a simulación nunha forma de arte.
(Applause)
(Aplausos)
I know a woman who hates domestic work, she just hates it, but she pretends that she likes it, because she's been taught that to be "good wife material" she has to be -- to use that Nigerian word -- very "homely." And then she got married, and after a while her husband's family began to complain that she had changed.
Coñezo a unha muller que odia o traballo doméstico, Ela, simplemente, odiao, pero simula que lle gusta, porque foi educada para ser "unha boa esposa" ela ten que ser -usando esa palabra nixeriana- moi "caseira". E logo casou, e despois dun tempo a familia do seu home queixouse de que ela cambiara .
(Laughter)
(Risas)
Actually, she had not changed, she just got tired of pretending.
En realidade, ela non cambiara, ela, simplemente, cansou de finxir.
The problem with gender, is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are.
O problema có xénero, é que determina como debemos ser en vez de recoñecer como somos.
Now imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn't have the weight of gender expectations. Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the differences and then it becomes a self-fulfilling process. Now, take cooking for example. Today women in general are more likely to do the housework than men, the cooking and cleaning. But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene?
Agora imaxinemos canto máis felices seríamos, canto máis libres para sermos como verdadeiramente somos, si non tiverámo-lo peso das expectativas de xénero. Nenos e nenas son, sen dúbida, biolóxicamente diferentes, pero a socialización esaxera as diferenzas e convértenas nunha profecía auto-cumprida. Agora, tomemos a cociña, por exemplo. As mulleres de hoxe, en xeral, son máis propensas ás tarefas de casa que os homes, a cociña e a limpeza. Pero, por que? É porque as mulleres nacen cun xene da cociña?
(Laughter)
(Risas)
Or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? Actually, I was going to say that maybe women are born with a cooking gene, until I remember that the majority of the famous cooks in the world, whom we give the fancy title of "chefs," are men.
Ou porque durante anos foron socializadas para ve-la cociña como o seu encargo? En realidade, eu ia dicir que talvez as mulleres nacen cun xene da cociña, ata que recordei que a maioría dos cociñeiros famosos do mundo, aos que lle damos o bonito título de "chefs", son homes.
I used to look up to my grandmother who was a brilliant, brilliant woman, and wonder how she would have been if she had the same opportunities as men when she was growing up.
Eu admiraba á miña avoa que era unha muller realmente brillante, e preguntábame como podería ter sido se tivera as mesmas oportunidades que os homes cando era pequena.
Now today, there are many more opportunities for women than there were during my grandmother's time because of changes in policy, changes in law, all of which are very important. But what matters even more is our attitude, our mindset, what we believe and what we value about gender. What if in raising children we focus on ability instead of gender? What if in raising children we focus on interest instead of gender?
Hoxe en día, hai moitas máis oportunidades para as mulleres das que había na época da miña avoa debido a cambios na política, cambios nas leis, todos eles moi importantes. Pero o que realmente importa é a nosa actitude,o noso xeito de pensar, o que cremos e o que valoramos sobre o xénero. Que pasa se na educación dos fillos centrámonos na capacidade en lugar do xénero? Que pasa se nos centramos nos intereses en lugar do xénero?
I know a family who have a son and a daughter, both of whom are brilliant at school, who are wonderful, lovely children. When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl, "Go and cook Indomie noodles for your brother."
Coñezo unha familia que ten un fillo e unha filla, ámbolos dous son brillantes na escola, son nenos encantadores e marabillosos. Cando o neno ten fame, os pais dinlle á nena, "Vai cociñar fideos Indomie para o teu irmán."
(Laughter)
(Risas)
Now, the daughter doesn't particularly like to cook Indomie noodles, but she's a girl, and so she has to. Now, what if the parents, from the beginning, taught both the boy and the girl to cook Indomie? Cooking, by the way, is a very useful skill for boys to have. I've never thought it made sense to leave such a crucial thing, the ability to nourish oneself --
Agora ben, á filla non lle gusta especialmente cociñar eses fideos, pero ela é unha nena, e por iso ten que facelo. Agora ben, que pasa se os pais, dende o principio, ensinaran, tanto ao neno como á nena,a cociñar Indomie? Cociñar, por certo, é unha habilidade moi útil para os nenos. Nunca pensei que tivera sentido deixar algo tan crucial, a capacidade de nutrirse -
(Laughter)
(Risas)
in the hands of others.
nas mans doutros.
(Applause)
(Aplausos)
I know a woman who has the same degree and the same job as her husband. When they get back from work, she does most of the housework, which I think is true for many marriages. But what struck me about them was that whenever her husband changed the baby's diaper, she said "thank you" to him. Now, what if she saw this as perfectly normal and natural that he should, in fact, care for his child?
Coñezo a unha muller que ten a mesma titulación e traballo que o seu home, cando ambos volven do traballo, ela fai a meirande parte das tarefas do fogar, creo que é igual en moitos matrimonios. Pero o que chamou a miña atención deles foi que, cada vez que o marido cambiaba o cueiro ao bebé, ela dáballe as grazas. Agora ben, e si ela vira isto como algo perfectamente normal e natural como debería ser, de feito, o coidado do seu fillo?
(Laughter)
(Risas)
I'm trying to unlearn many of the lessons of gender that I internalized when I was growing up. But I sometimes still feel very vulnerable in the face of gender expectations. The first time I taught a writing class in graduate school, I was worried. I wasn't worried about the material I would teach because I was well-prepared, and I was going to teach what I enjoy teaching. Instead, I was worried about what to wear. I wanted to be taken seriously. I knew that because I was female I will automatically have to prove my worth. And I was worried that if I looked too feminine, I would not be taken seriously. I really wanted to wear my shiny lip gloss and my girly skirt, but I decided not to. Instead, I wore a very serious, very manly and very ugly suit.
Eu estou tentando "desaprender" moitas das leccións de xénero que interioricei cando estaba crecendo. Pero, as veces, síntome moi vulnerable aínda fronte ás expectativas de xénero. A primeira vez que din unha clase de escritura na escola de posgrao, estaba preocupada. Non estaba preocupada pola materia a ensinar, porque a tiña ben preparada e tiña que dar clase do que me gusta ensinar. No seu lugar, estaba preocupada pola roupa. Eu quería que me tomaran en serio. Eu sabía que, como era unha muller, tería que demostra-la miña valía inmediatamente. E estaba preocupada porque, se parecía demasiado feminina, non sería tomada en serio. Realmente eu quería leva-lo meu brillo de labios e a miña saia feminina, pero decidín non facelo. No seu lugar, levei un traxe moi serio, moi masculino e moi feo.
(Laughter)
(Risas)
Because the sad truth is that when it comes to appearance we start off with men as the standard, as the norm. If a man is getting ready for a business meeting, he doesn't worry about looking too masculine and therefore not being taken for granted. If a woman has to get ready for business meeting, she has to worry about looking too feminine and what it says and whether or not she will be taken seriously.
Por que a triste verdade é que, no que se refire á aparencia, partimos dos homes como estándar, como a norma. Cando un home prepárase para unha reunión de negocios, non se preocupa por parecer demasiado masculino e, polo tanto, non da por suposto nada. Se unha muller ten que prepararse para unha reunión de negocios, ten que procurar non parecer demasiado feminina, porque é o que di si será ou non tomada en serio.
I wish I had not worn that ugly suit that day. I've actually banished it from my closet, by the way. Had I then the confidence that I have now to be myself, my students would have benefited even more from my teaching, because I would have been more comfortable and more fully and more truly myself. I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness and for my femininity.
Oxalá non puxera ese feo traxe ese día. De feito, desterreino do meu armario, por certo. Se tivera entón a confianza en mi mesma que teño hoxe, os meus estudantes beneficiaríanse aínda máis das miñas ensinanzas, porque eu sentiríame máis cómoda e máis plena e verdadeiramente eu mesma. Escollín non desculparme máis pola miña non-virilidade nin pola miña feminidade.
(Applause)
(Aplausos)
And I want to be respected in all of my femaleness because I deserve to be. Gender is not an easy conversation to have. For both men and women, to bring up gender is sometimes to encounter almost immediate resistance. I can imagine some people here are actually thinking, "Women too do sef." Some of the men here might be thinking, "OK, all of this is interesting, but I don't think like that." And that is part of the problem.
E quero ser respectada en toda a miña non-virilidade porque merezo respecto. O xénero non é unha conversa fácil. Tanto homes como mulleres, ao saca-lo tema, atopan as veces unha resistencia case inmediata. Podo imaxinar que algunhas persoas aquí están pensando en realidade, "As mulleres tamén o fan" Algúns homes aquí poderían estar pensando, "Dacordo, todo isto é moi interesante, pero eu non o vexo así ". E iso é parte do problema.
That many men do not actively think about gender or notice gender is part of the problem of gender. That many men, say, like my friend Louis, that everything is fine now. And that many men do nothing to change it. If you are a man and you walk into a restaurant with a woman and the waiter greets only you, does it occur to you to ask the waiter, "Why haven't you greeted her?" Because gender can be --
Que moitos homes non pensen demasiado sobre o xénero, ou non sexan conscientes do xénero, é parte do problema de xénero. Que moitos homes digan, como o meu amigo Louis, que todo está ben hoxe. E que moitos homes non fagan nada para cambialo. Se ti es un home e entras nun restaurante cunha muller e o camareiro saúdate só a ti, non se che ocorre dicirlle, "Por que non saúdas tamén a ela?" Porque o xénero pode ser...
(Laughter)
(Risas)
Actually, we may repose part of a longer version of this talk. So, because gender can be a very uncomfortable conversation to have, there are very easy ways to close it, to close the conversation. So some people will bring up evolutionary biology and apes, how, you know, female apes bow down to male apes and that sort of thing. But the point is we're not apes.
En realidade, podemos reflexionar parte dunha versión máis longa desta charla. Así, como o xénero pode ser unha conversación moi incómoda, temos maneiras moi fáciles de pechala, de pecha-la charla. De modo que, algunhas persoas falarán de bioloxía evolutiva e primates, e de como, xa sabemos, as femias de mono inclínanse ante os machos, e cousas dese tipo. Pero a cuestión é que nós non somos monos.
(Laughter)
(Risas)
(Applause)
(Aplausos)
Apes also live on trees and have earthworms for breakfast, and we don't. Some people will say, "Well, poor men also have a hard time." And this is true. But that is not what this --
Os monos tamén viven nas árbores e comen miñocas no almorzo, e nós non. Algúns dirán: "Ben, os pobres tamén o teñen difícil" E isto é certo. Pero non é o que...
(Laughter)
(Risas)
But this is not what this conversation is about. Gender and class are different forms of oppression. I actually learned quite a bit about systems of oppression and how they can be blind to one another by talking to black men.
Pero non é do que trata esta charla. Xénero e clase son diferentes formas de opresión. En realidade, aprendín algo acerca dos sistemas de opresión e de como poden cegarnos mutuamente falando con homes de raza negra.
I was once talking to a black man about gender and he said to me, "Why do you have to say 'my experience as a woman'? Why can't it be 'your experience as a human being'?" Now, this was the same man who would often talk about his experience as a black man.
Unha vez falei cun home negro sobre o xénero e díxome: "Por que tes que dicir, a miña experiencia como muller?" "Por que non pode ser, a túa experiencia como ser humano?" Agora ben, este era o mesmo home que falaba decote da súa experiencia como home negro.
Gender matters. Men and women experience the world differently. Gender colors the way we experience the world. But we can change that.
Cuestións de xénero. Homes e mulleres experimentan o mundo de xeitos diferentes. O xénero colorea o xeito en que experimentámo-lo mundo. Pero podemos cambiar iso.
Some people will say, "Oh, but women have the real power, bottom power." And for non-Nigerians, bottom power is an expression which I suppose means something like a woman who uses her sexuality to get favors from men. But bottom power is not power at all. Bottom power means that a woman simply has a good root to tap into, from time to time -- somebody else's power. And then, of course, we have to wonder what happens when that somebody else is in a bad mood, or sick or impotent.
Algunhas persoas dirán, "Oh, pero as mulleres teñen o autentico poder, o poder de abaixo". E para os non nixerianos, poder de abaixo é unha expresión que supoño que significa algo así como que unha muller pode utiliza-la súa sexualidade para obter favores dos homes. Pero o poder de abaixo non é poder en absoluto. O poder de abaixo significa que unha muller simplemente ten a opción de aproveitar, de cando en cando, o poder doutro. E, por suposto, temos que preguntarnos que sucede cando ese outro está de mal humor, ou enfermo ou impotente.
(Laughter)
(Risas)
Some people will say that a woman being subordinate to a man is our culture. But culture is constantly changing. I have beautiful twin nieces who are fifteen and live in Lagos. If they had been born a hundred years ago they would have been taken away and killed. Because it was our culture, it was our culture to kill twins.
Algunhas persoas dirán que a subordinación da muller é parte da nosa cultura. Pero a cultura cambia constantemente. Eu teño dúas fermosas sobriñas xemelgas, que teñen quince anos e viven en Lagos. Se tiveran nacido hai cen anos elas terían sido asasinadas Porque era a nosa cultura, na nosa cultura matábase aos xemelgos.
So what is the point of culture? I mean there's the decorative, the dancing ... but also, culture really is about preservation and continuity of a people. In my family, I am the child who is most interested in the story of who we are, in our traditions, in the knowledge about ancestral lands. My brothers are not as interested as I am. But I cannot participate, I cannot go to umunna meetings, I cannot have a say. Because I'm female. Culture does not make people, people make culture. So if it is in fact true --
De modo que, cal é o sentido da cultura? Quero dicir que temos adornos, bailes... pero tamén, a cultura realmente trata da preservación e a continuidade dun pobo. Na miña familia, eu son a nena máis interesada na nosa historia, nas nosas tradicións, no coñecemento sobre as terras ancestrais. Os meus irmáns non están tan interesados coma min. Pero eu non podo participar, non podo ir ás reunións Umunna, non podo ter unha opinión. Porque son muller. A cultura non fai á xente, a xente fai a cultura. Así que, si é certo...
(Applause)
(Aplausos)
So if it is in fact true that the full humanity of women is not our culture, then we must make it our culture.
Así que, si é certo que, a parte feminina da humanidade non é a nosa cultura, entón temos que facer que sexa a nosa cultura.
I think very often of my dear friend, Okoloma Maduewesi. May he and all the others who passed away in that Sosoliso crash continue to rest in peace. He will always be remembered by those of us who loved him. And he was right that day many years ago when he called me a feminist.
Penso a miúdo no meu querido amigo, Okoloma Maduewesi. Que el e tódolos que morreron nese accidente de Sosoliso sigan descansando en paz. El sempre será recordado por aqueles que o amábamos. E tiña razón ese día, fai moitos anos, cando me chamou feminista.
I am a feminist. And when I looked up the word in the dictionary that day, this is what it said: "Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes." My great grandmother, from the stories I've heard, was a feminist. She ran away from the house of the man she did not want to marry and ended up marrying the man of her choice. She refused, she protested, she spoke up whenever she felt she was being deprived of access, of land, that sort of thing.
Eu son feminista. E cando busquei a palabra no dicionario ese día, isto é o que dicía: "Feminista: Persoa que cree na igualdade social, política e económica dos sexos". A miña bisavoa, segundo as historias que oín, era unha feminista. Ela escapou da casa do home con quen non quería casar e terminou casando cun home que escolleu ela. Ela negouse, ela protestou, ela tomou a palabra sempre que sentia que estaba a ser privada de algo, da terra, dese tipo de cousas.
My great grandmother did not know that word "feminist," but it doesn't mean that she wasn't one. More of us should reclaim that word. My own definition of feminist is: "A feminist is a man or a woman who says --
A miña bisavoa non coñecía a palabra "feminista" pero iso non quere dicir que ela non o fora. A maioría de nós deberíamos recuperar esa palabra. A miña propia definición de feminista é: "Feminista é un home o unha muller que di,
(Laughter)
(Risas)
(Applause)
(Aplausos)
A feminist is a man or a woman who says, "Yes, there's a problem with gender as it is today, and we must fix it. We must do better." The best feminist I know is my brother Kene. He's also a kind, good-looking, lovely man, and he's very masculine.
Feminista é un home o unha muller que di, "Si, temos un problema có xénero hoxe, e temos que solucionalo. Debemos facelo mellor ". O mellor feminista que eu coñezo é o meu irmán Kene. El tamén é un tipo ben parecido, un home encantador, e el é moi masculino.
Thank you.
Grazas.
(Applause)
(Aplausos)